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Strap in for a rollercoaster of randomness as hosts Abish, Moroni, Abigail, and aaaAAAaaa throw family dynamics into a blender and hit ‘chaos’ mode. You’ll meet a "gay uncle" and a "grandpa," all within the first two minutes—because, let’s face it, titles are just words when your cocktail is named "God's Callin’s." Abish's mixology attempt turns into a Reddit-fueled quest involving Goldschläger, and the results are, well, intoxicating. Throw in some drugged-up painting failures, a baby eating a snail, and existential laughter—just another Tuesday in podcast land. Grab your blurry brushes, we’re painting a surrealist nightmare of life, and it’s hilarious.
Scriptures: [00:17:18]
Moroni breaks down the 39th and 40th sections of the Doctrine and Covenants with the same level of reverence one might reserve for IKEA instructions: convoluted, redundant, and somehow deeply entertaining. James Covel, a Methodist minister-turned-Mormon-rejecter, plays the part of the guy who ghosted God after receiving an existential text. The hosts marvel at the tragic brevity of Covel’s faith journey, with God basically sending a follow-up email: “I thought we had something?” Spoiler: they didn’t. Cue tangents about dogs, trivia, and a lot of side-eye toward celestial micromanagement.
Church Teachings: [00:39:50]
In this episode’s deep dive, aaaAAAaaa compares James Covel’s encounter with Joseph Smith to a painfully relatable high school rejection. Think of Joseph as the "nerdy girl" who asked out the "cool guy" Covel, and surprise—Covel opts out. He’d rather stay with his comfortable life and Methodist clique. The hosts explore God’s so-called “agency” plan, which seems like an unnecessarily convoluted way to say, “Do what I say, James.” Toss in some humorous theology, a bit of skepticism, and the idea that maybe the real win is keeping your Methodist paycheck.
History: [01:03:37]
What better way to start a history lesson than with Mountain Dew Baja Blast-flavored gelato? Abigail serves up this millennial delight before plunging into the weirdness that was Jedediah M. Grant’s life. As a 19th-century Mormon leader with a teenage wife collection, Jedediah’s story is ripe for the sarcastic plucking. The hosts riff on age gaps and the bizarre Mormon tradition of passing wives to a brother post-mortem, with just the right amount of cringe.
Heber J. Grant gets the spotlight, but not without some jabs at his polygamist romantic ventures. His initial proposal to childhood sweetheart Emily Wells fell flat—apparently, polygamy isn’t everyone’s jam. Undeterred, Heber married Lucy Stringham, who must’ve felt like the ultimate "runner-up." But don’t worry, Emily comes back around for another awkward proposal, alongside a third wife, because hey, why not? With biting humor, the hosts poke at the bizarre logistics of polygamy and Heber’s relentless pursuit of wife-acquisition, all while managing a vinegar empire. Now that’s multi-tasking.
Heber J. Grant, the last LDS Church president to practice polygamy, also managed to pull off something weirder—balancing a sprawling family with financial management during a church crisis. The hosts note how his leadership smoothed the financial chaos, but also muse on whether the emotional strain of multiple wives shaped his eventual enforcement of monogamy. Heber’s life was a saga of persistence—whether courting wives or saving t
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