Grief Seen in the Shadow of Loss

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In this episode, I explore ways of finding comfort during difficult periods of grief. Inspired by Susan Cain’s Bittersweet, I reflect on how sorrow and beauty can exist together, how we can remain connected during periods of sadness, and what can help us feel grounded when grief returns.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Susan Cain — Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole
https://susancain.net/book/bittersweet/

National Institute of Mental Health — Depression: Signs, Symptoms, and Treatment
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression

NASA — Moon Phases
https://science.nasa.gov/moon/moon-phases/

Research on awe, stress, and well-being
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33764120/

What’s Your Grief
https://whatsyourgrief.com/

The Grief Secret Project
https://whatsyourgrief.com/share-your-grief/

“64 Reminders if You’re Filled With Holiday Dread”
https://whatsyourgrief.com/holiday-dread/

If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional distress or a suicidal crisis, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You can also connect through online chat at https://988lifeline.org/chat/.

Music licensed through Soundstripe.

License codes:
45WGPPFIAJKMFW4F
FXE1CZXLAVIDTEZP

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In this episode, I explore why the loss of three iconic women we never personally knew can still touch something deeply personal. Sometimes we are grieving not only the person, but a piece of our own history—the memories, identities and eras connected to them. Through stories of individuality, courage, creativity and resilience, I reflect on the women who help us become who we are and the ways those connections continue after loss.

Although I'm a licensed therapist, this podcast is based on my own experiences and perspectives and is not a substitute for therapy or professional mental health care.”

“If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, you can call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.”

Note: Point of clarification-When speaking of my mother being part of the first graduating class at George Mason University, I'm speaking of the new Graduate Program in Psychology that was started at the time. I'm not sure that was made clear in this podcast episode.

The Three Lives of Grief Show Notes

We all live three lives: a public life, a private life, and a secret life. But what happens to those three lives when we are grieving?

In this episode of Grief Seen in the Shadow of Loss, I explore the parts of grief we show to the world, the parts we share with those closest to us, and the parts that may remain entirely our own.

A quote attributed to Gabriel García Márquez takes me down a few interesting rabbit holes—from One Hundred Years of Solitude to memory, neuroplasticity, solitude, and the ways we make meaning after loss.

I also share some of my own secret grief life: the what-ifs surrounding the death of my son Ian, the way old photographs can hold completely different meanings after loss, and the emotional “hibernation” I notice as difficult dates and anniversaries approach.

But grief isn’t the only thing happening in our lives. I’m also thinking about what I want to plant and grow during this next season—creativity, new experiences, connection, and continuing to find meaning while carrying Ian with me.

And, of course, we close with another letter to my son in our Dear Owen segment.

The Interview Room with Chris McDonough
A true-crime and investigative podcast that inspired the “three lives” quote that started me thinking about this episode. Available on Spotify.

Gabriel García Márquez
Nobel Prize-winning Colombian author whose writing and reflections on memory, solitude, and identity became an unexpected part of my exploration of the secret life of grief.

One Hundred Years of Solitude — Gabriel García Márquez
https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/196323/cien-anos-de-soledad-50-aniversario--one-hundred-years-of-solitude-by-gabriel-garcia-marquez/9780525562443/

Love in the Time of Cholera — Gabriel García Márquez
https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/57995/love-in-the-time-of-cholera-by-gabriel-garcia-marquez/

Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief — David Kessler
David Kessler’s work on finding meaning after loss and continuing to honor the people we love.
https://grief.com/book-by-david-kessler-finding-meaning-the-sixth-stage-of-grief/

Grief can sometimes feel overwhelming. If you are struggling or experiencing a mental health crisis, support is available through the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

Call or text 988, or visit:
https://988lifeline.org/

Questions, thoughts, feedback—or just want to say hello?

[email protected]

Thank you for listening to Grief Seen in the Shadow of Loss.

Be well, and keep shining your light.

Mentioned in This EpisodeSupport & ResourcesConnect with Grief Seen

And before we get started, I just want to say hello and thank you for being here.

I'm still very new at this, so please forgive my somewhat amateur audio and production skills. I know there are a few unintended computer sounds here and there. Ugh! I'm learning as I go!

More than anything, I hope something in these conversations helps you feel a little more seen in your own experience of grief.

I'd also really love for Grief Seen to become a community where we can learn from each other. So if something in an episode resonates with you, please leave a comment and share your thoughts or your own experience.

You can also reach me directly at [email protected]. I'd really love to hear from you.

And I'm glad you're here!

Just a quick note. Although I'm a licensed therapist, this podcast is based on my own experiences and perspectives and isn't a substitute for therapy or professional mental health care. If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, you can call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

In this first episode, I share the story of my son, Ian, whose death from fentanyl poisoning at just 20 years old forever changed my life. I also share why I created Grief Seen in the Shadow of Loss and my hope that this podcast becomes a place where grief is seen, understood, and no one has to grieve alone.