Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang

This episode brings to your attention your inner child – the most innocent and pure essence of who you are. We delve into why the way you are today and how an inner child can be wounded. The episode also discusses your personal responsibility to work on and heal your inner child.

Thich Nhat Hanh

You are listening to episode 11 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: Bringing Awareness To Your Inner Child.

[Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

[Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

[Episode 11 – Bringing Awareness To Your Inner Child Begins]

Hello beautiful soul, I’m so excited to bring to you another episode of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang. 

Today’s episode requires going back in time. Back in time to when you were a child.

Bet you hadn’t thought about that in a while right? How long ago was that for you?

It’s interesting as adults we hardly revisit or think about ourselves as a child. 

By child – the full spectrum from the early years of our life to when we hit puberty to when we become an independent adult.

Psychologically so much of who we are has been shaped by these early years of life.

What’s prompted this episode is the work I’ve been doing with a few of my clients.

We are exploring how the inner child can impact who we are today.

It shows up in relationships – our fears and what keeps us from being open and vulnerable. For my clients its manifested in feeling like you need someone to complete you, to save you, that everything in your life will be instantly better when you are in a relationship. It shows up in anger and resenting a partner for not meeting your needs, feeling the need to be the caretaker or parent of your partner and being scared of rejection and abandonment.

It shows up in our belief systems – a client recalls how her parents migrating to Australia have shaped her view of what it means to have a job, career particularly as a woman. Another on how it’s shaped the way she sees money, how hard it can be to make money, how money always feels scarce even when it’s not. Fears around investing money and spending money.

The term inner child is an archetype that stems from famous psychologist Carl Jung. 

He rejected the idea that we come into this world with a blank slate and have a ‘predestined primordial image’ derived from the collective unconscious.

Nowadays when it comes to the inner child, it refers to the unconscious sub-personality in our early years of life. This inner child develops from the world around us. At young ages we are like sponges soaking in everything especially based on our parents or caregivers. The absence of this also shapes how we develop.

When we want to understand ourselves deeper, to understand why we are the way we are by default, to understand our triggers that unleash that ‘child like’ behaviour e.g. tantrums, running away, hiding – we must reconnect with our inner child.

The inner child is the essence of who you are. Your inner child is so pure and innocent. 

You only have to look at a child to understand why.

Children have so much joy, they beam, they smile, laugh and play.

They are fearless, they go into the world with such an openness – to experience the world, to have adventures, to unleash their creativity. They are so open, honest and curious. A child is a true free spirit.

Children fully express themselves whether its joy, anger or sadness. They feel deeply and are sensitive. They crave affection, attention, connection, love and safety. 

Our inner child is vulnerable. Children depend on others to ensure their survival. Children look to others to understand the world and how to behave – what to do, what not to do. As children we are malleable to outside forces.

Sometimes and the majority of us will experience our inner child being wounded. 

Our wounded inner child is the part or parts of us that feels ashamed, left behind, neglected, unseen, abused, the something I can’t quite pick is wrong with me.

Global spiritual leader Thich Nhat Hanh encapsulates the wound energy well,
“The cry we hear from deep in our hearts comes from the wounded child within.”

Common occurrences that cause wounds include but are not limited to:

The neglect which causes wounds to the inner child stems from parents and caregivers when they:

Now yes it is highly shaped by your parents or whoever took care of you. 

It’s not to say to blame and get angry at your parents but more to bring awareness and understanding to who you are and your inner child.

Most parents have the intention of doing their best to raise their child and children. That does not mean they are perfect, no one is, perfection is impossible. It does not mean they are bad parents, they did the best they could under circumstances. Often parents relive out parenting styles they experienced as child and this passes on from generation to generation.

I recently spoke with a client on this and shared with him that whilst to understand why you are they way you are based on your inner child and upbringing is wonderful and a step in the right direction – it’s not okay to remain a ‘child’ to continue blaming your parents. When you continue to hold the blame on your parents, you are returning to the wounded child mindset.

You are not entitled to have your parents or anyone fix you. You are responsible for yourself as an adult. 

Now that you are an adult, a conscious adult, it’s your personal responsibility to do the work and reparent himself. To be the adult you needed as a child. To step up and become the person you want to be. To not just sit back and blame, to stand up and take action.

Amongst well intended parents, there are also parents who are absent, parents who were severely underprepared for children, abusive parents, narcissistic parents, controlling parents, parents paralysed by perfection – different types of parents who shape who you are.

No matter what – this holds universally true.

That does not determine and set who you are.

Whilst you can’t change your genetics or the past, you have the power to change now. You are safe and strong. You can heal your inner child with great love and compassion.

As an adult now, to understand who we are and to take action is to learn how to reparent yourself. To be the adult you needed as a child.

These wounds charge us into protection mode. We are always looking out for ourselves and danger. 

Now this will bring out my inner Harry Potter nerd (which I happened to love as a child) – the visual representation I imagine is from the Harry Potter world, particularly in the film Fantastic Beasts embodied by the character Credence played by Ezra Miller. An uncontrollable dark unstable force that attacks then vanishes. It lashes out of repression, it feels ‘dark’ and ‘parasitic’.

We put up walls and get defensive behind our armour and masks. We protect instead of connecting.

It’s not your fault that you were wounded as a child.

As a child, it was never your fault that you felt unloved.

As a child, it was never your fault that you weren’t comfortable in your own skin.

As a child, it was never your fault that you weren’t able to fully express yourself.

As a child, it was never your fault that you didn’t have a safe environment to grow up in.

As a child, it was never your fault that your parents weren’t together or broke up.

As a child, it was never your fault that your parents weren’t there for you.

As a child, it was never your responsibility to care for, heal or fix your parents. 

As children we learn what we live.

Doing work on your inner child is coming home to you.

All of you.

The whole of you.

The inner child often hijacks adult relationships. I personally become aware of my inner child from the work I did delving into my dating and relationship patterns and experiences.

Understanding why I had an anxious attachment style previously, craving love and looking for it outside of myself – making it someone’s responsibility when really it was mine.

This is common. The attachment patterns you formed as a child are often mirrored in your adult relationships too. A secure attachment styles is a result from having a parent who was responsive to your needs and emotionally available.

What you need to remember is that when it comes to healing your inner child is that it starts with you and only you.

Don’t fall for the Disney fairytale or movie fairytales, this is not Sleeping Beauty. 

No Prince or Princess Charming is coming to rescue and save you. You are your own hero. 

If you are interested in exploring your inner child in a safe and support space with guidance, if you are interested in learning practical ways to reconnect with your inner child and reparent yourself, please book a complementary session with me on my website phidang.com or via my Instagram @thephidang.

This brings a close to episode 11: Bringing Awareness to the Inner Child. I hope you reconnect with your inner child today and explore how your inner child has shaped who you are. I’ll speak to you next Tuesday beautiful soul as usual. Love and Positivity. 

[Episode 11 – Bringing Awareness To Your Inner Child]

Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

Learn the biological and evolutionary reason as to why you worry. Find out what it means to have a warrior mindset in addition to practical ways you can be a warrior not a worrier.

You are listening to episode 10 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: How to be a Warrior not Worrier.

[Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

[Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

[Episode 10 – How to Create and Have Success in 2021 Begins]

Hello beautiful souls! How are you going today? So happy to have you join me on another episode of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

It’s been a busy start to 2021 for me with all things coaching and I wanted to shout out some of the incredible wins my clients are having.

Shout out to M, after one week of coaching we are already seeing huge shifts. When we first spoke, he described feeling numb when it came to dating women and he’s already called in a second date with a lovely lady who’s stirred some feelings within him!

Shout out to J, a long time client who I recently reconnected with, he is continuing to work through his journey of his past with his family and past relationships. He’s recently opened up new perspectives after feeling very stuck for the last couple of years.

Shout out to another J, a new client who after one session she’s put into practice her insights from our session and made 3 new groups of friends and did a huge social media clean up, the final step of letting go of her recent break up and channeling all of that time and energy to herself and her growth. All amazing wins I am so happy to share!

If you are thinking about working with me, I’d love to chat and be shouting out your inevitable wins on the podcast sometime soon too! Details in show notes as usual or you can connect with me on my website phidang.com or instagram @thephidang.

Today’s episode is titled “How to be a warrior, not a worrier”. I saw this quote online and it really resonated with me. It’s a gem of a quote and shifts your mindset to one of power and confidence – that is something that I am all about. 

My parents, particularly my mum, used to worry about me and I feel this was exacerbated by the fact that I am an only child.They would worry about life in general – what’s going on in the world, reading newspapers daily and watching the news every night including all weather updates, having enough money to pay bills, being safe from danger (stay away from this, don’t do that) and so forth. The constant worrying was most certainly passed down to myself as a personality trait. 

I still do worry from time to time but to be honest I don’t really any more as I have full faith and confidence in myself and my capabilities. However rewind time to even 3 or 4 years ago, when I was younger I used to worry a lot.

Will he like me? Will I be alone forever? Will anyone want to date me?

Will I pass this test? Will I get this job? Will I be stuck in this job forever?

Is my outfit okay? Will people notice this on my face?
Am I really sick? Will I die? Do I have cancer? Is what I have something that has no cure? 

If I spend this money, will I get my money’s worth? What if I wasted my money?

And the list goes on… in fact sometimes I would end up in worry loops about worry!

Am I worrying too much? Worrying doesn’t help and I logically know that so why am I worrying? Is something wrong with me? And then it loops round and round.

Are you nodding your head along? Your parents worried a lot? You worry a lot? There’s an actual reason as to why this is. Humans are wired to worry. Worrying is a part of human biology and human evolution.

Worrying itself is not a problem, in fact worrying serves a purpose: to keep you safe and process potential threats. Worrying is a problem when it interferes with your life, is acutely intense and lasts longer than it usually does for you. 

The theories of immediate-return environment and the delayed return environment are used to explain why humans worry.

Humans used to live in an immediate-return environment, 500 years ago – In reference to time and history, 500 years is relatively recent.

Our worries were immediate in nature as cavemen lived a hunter-gatherer lifestyle. Worrying was very useful in the moment as it helped us take action in the moment rather than later for survival. 

Your stomach grumbles > you feel worried about food > you find food > your worry is relieved.

Your mouth feels parched and dry > you haven’t drunk enough water today > you feel worried and dehydrated > you find water > your worry is relieved

You hear a storm brewing > you worry about getting wet and being cold > you find shelter > your worry is relieved.

You feel cold > you worry about dying > you light a fire > your worry is relieved.

All of the actions you take deliver immediate results, gratification and therefore you lived in the present moment.

In fact animals still live in an immediate-return environment. As Duke University professor Mark Leary put it, “A deer may be startled by a loud noise and take off through the forest, but as soon as the threat is gone, the deer immediately calms down and starts grazing. And it doesn’t appear to be tied in knots the way that many people are.”

Nowadays we live in a delayed return environment where our decisions don’t immediately benefit us in in the moment.

Some examples for you. 

When you work, you get paid either fortnightly or monthly. When you work hard, you don’t get promoted immediately, you do after hitting your key performance indicators over time.

If you save money now, you’ll have enough for when you retire later in life.

When you start exercising and eating healthier foods, you’ll see results over time, you don’t lose weight or get fit immediately. 

The nature of a delayed return environment results in uncertainty as a great source of worry. There are no guarantees to most things we do and in fact most of the choices we make today won’t immediately benefit us. 

Going to school and university doesn’t guarantee you’ll get a job.

Going on a date doesn’t mean you will meet the one, your soul mate. 

Investing in stocks, doesn’t guarantee you’ll make returns. 

Put simply, our brain is not designed to solve the problems of a delayed return environment. Our environment and way of living has changed rapidly, but our brains have not. Our brain hasn’t evolved to live in a delayed return environment.

Now you know the biological and evolutionary reason as to why we worry, let’s talk about being a warrior not a worrier.

Before I share how you can be a warrior, not a warrior, let me set up the stage, what is the warrior persona?

A warrior triumphs whereas a worrier cowers. A warrior has the rock solid, unshakable belief in them-self. They know how to handle anything that comes their way. A warrior is brave, they are not afraid of the unknown and even if they are, they put themselves out there. They confront and face their fears. They are not scared of challenges because they know they will rise to the challenge. In fact, warriors embrace all opportunities to grow because they know they have so much to gain. Warriors win massive wars, by focusing on winning one small battle at a time.

Now we’ve established the warrior persona, I’m going to share 5 ways how you can be a warrior not a worrier.

Your emotions are a result of your thoughts. Therefore if you want to change your emotions, you have to change your thoughts. 

Bring awareness to your thoughts. Consciously choose to accept and run with a thought or reject and deny a thought. 

Slice through unhelpful thoughts like a warrior with your sword of evidence. 

Our thoughts are often stories or assumptions we create so question the thought – is there factual evidence to support this thought or am I making something up?

I have two great exercises to share with you to help. The first is the dichotomy of control circles.

On a piece of paper you draw two circles. The first being what you can control and the second being what you can’t control. No point worrying about what you can’t control because nothing you do will influence it. A super simple exercise.

The second exercise I have for you to be a warrior and not a worrier is the circles of control. On a piece of paper draw a giant circle, a circle within that and a small circle within that. All in all it looks like a bullseye.

The centre is what you can control – the circle of control. This is all within you that you can directly control such as your thoughts, your behaviour, your attitude, your effort, your energy, your actions and so forth.

The circle outside the centre circle is the circle of influence, what you can influence such as your network and relationships. Emphasis on influence – you can’t make or force it. For example you can talk to the people you know and try convince someone, if you’re looking at a promotion you can influence this by building strong relationships with colleagues, putting yourself out there for more projects to take on and so forth.

The largest is everything else outside of your control and influence. For example things like a global pandemic like coronavirus, the weather, strangers you don’t know, traffic, the economy, policies, the media and so forth.

Onto the third way to be a warrior and not worrier.

Always be prepared. Identify what worries you and create a solution to the worry. It’s not enough to just create the game plan, you also have to take action.

For example, if you are worried about getting a job, create an actionable plan on how to get a job. Chunk it down so it’s not overwhelming. For example if you want to get a job you need to apply for jobs. In order to apply for jobs you need a cover letter and resume. Start there! When you break it down it’s not so intimidating. 

Another example is if you are worried you won’t have a partner, create an actionable plan on how to get a partner. In order to have a partner, you need to go on dates. In order to go on dates, you need to meet people. People are candidates for partners. How do you meet people? You can do that by going outside your house or within your home through applications and websites.

A game plan also involves having coping strategies for worry such as setting aside time to worry such as 10 minutes then moving on as an example and a support network you can turn to when it becomes all overwhelming.

If you need help creating a personalised game plan, strategies to cope and support, let’s chat. I work with clients to create a specific, actionable plan with clear steps that can be measured in order to achieve their goals. 

Whether that’s getting a promotion, changing jobs, finding a partner, becoming an entrepreneur to make money online – anything is possible. A life coach is all about life! Just to add, not many people know that as part of my coaching, you’ll have access to me Monday to Friday so I can answer any questions or concerns that pop up along your journey to hitting your goals and up levelling your self! 

You are an amazing person. You’ve gone through so many hard things, times you didn’t think you would make it yet here you are. 

This wasn’t by accident or change, this is because of you. You are strong, you are smart, you are capable and you are resilient. You know how to overcome obstacles and challenges.

In fact when a worry comes up, repeat this mantra: I am a warrior, not a warrior.

I mean strength physically and in your mind.

It’s well known that exercise can alleviate anxiety. Exercises alleviates stress, provides a beneficial distraction and boosts your feel good endorphins. The high from accomplishing exercise will fuel you to conquer not only workout but whatever else is on your mind too. Physically you’ll even start to take the form of a warrior by getting super fit.

Mentally, to work on your strength is to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Do something small everyday that makes you feel uncomfortable to work on your mental strength such as running for an extra 5 minutes to keep your heart-rate going or try a cold shower!

To wrap it all up there are 5 ways to be a warrior not a worrier.

1. Recognise that behind every emotion including worry, lies a thought.

2. Focus on what you can control and accept what you cannot change.

3. Be strategic, have a game plan and take action.

4. Believe in yourself

5. Work on your strength

Be a warrior not a worrier! Every warrior has their teacher, so if you’re looking for your teacher, it would be an honour to be your teacher. 

Thank you so much for joining me today beautiful souls. If you’ve enjoyed listening along, I would appreciate you sharing this with your friends or leaving a review, it would really help me to spread the word on personal development. 

I’ll catch you next Tuesday with a new episode of the Grow Through It Podcast.

Love and Positivity.

[Episode 10 – How to Be a Warrior not  a Worrier Ends]

Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

Learn about the #1 Mistake people make when it comes to success in addition to practical tips and strategies on how to create and have success. I also do a Q&A on all things success from how to stay motivated, being successful during times of uncertainty and a lack of resources such as money when it comes to having success.

You are listening to episode 9 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: How to Create and Have Success in 2021.

[Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

[Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

[Episode 09 – How to Create and Have Success in 2021 Begins]

Hello beautiful souls.

Happy 2021! 

This is going to be your best year yet, I just know it. 

If anyone hasn’t told you already, I have full faith in you.

I have full faith because you are here, listening to the first episode for 2021 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang. 

By doing this, you are intentionally setting time aside for you. 

To work on yourself, to create success for yourself – so congratulations, I’m proud of you! 

A mindset open to learning and prioritising their self development and growth is always going to be successful.

People like you, are the people I love to work with in my 1:1 coaching program. 

If you are the type of person who loves personal development through books, courses and podcasts and you are ready for the next step, to supercharge and accelerate your growth, let’s chat – I have limited 1:1 coaching spots left for this first quarter of this year as I am so happy to have 3 of you beautiful souls join me last week! 

Now as you gathered from the title, this podcast is all about creating and having a successful 2021. 

In this modern day and age, we know that success looks different to everyone, it’s a matter of defining your success. For some it will be money, for others it will be a running a huge marathon.

Don’t let others or society define it for you, figure out what success is for you.

When we talk success, in this episode its in the framework of achieving your goals because I know goals are at the top of many people’s minds when it come to a new year.

Now I also know a lot of other podcasts and all the freebies, motivational speakers and influencers talk about how to create successful goals, for me that’s something that I do with my 1:1 coaching clients as it’s very personal. This podcast will focus more on the journey of achieving goals and your success. 

So let’s begin.

I want to lay down for you a foundational base for creating success. To do that I want to first of all address the #1 mistake people make when it comes to creating change based on my experience as a life coach with clients from all over the world.

People try to change their reality by changing the outside world.

This is a thought error.

The outside world is just circumstances.

Circumstances are neutral.

The factor that will truly shift and create change for you is your thoughts. 

Your thoughts cause your feelings.

Your feelings cause your actions.

Your actions cause your results.

So to truly change anything it begins in your thoughts because your thoughts are in your control.

If you don’t agree with my statement, you have work to do. 

If you don’t understand why, let’s chat because this is the realm I work within as a life coach.

Most people go around this world on auto-pilot dangerously in their mind. They believe whatever goes on in their brain and they don’t intentionally choose their thoughts!

When you don’t intentionally choose your thoughts, you choose to believe the negativity that goes in on your mind that’s formed over years of subconscious programming.

Then you go around life not knowing why you feel bad on a regular basis and you don’t know what to do with those thoughts. The lines become blurry. You don’t know how to change your thought process or how to process your emotions.

It’s not a surprise and it’s not your fault. We don’t learn about this at school, at university or even in our jobs.

We only truly learn about this when we work on ourselves through personal development, when we invest in a coach.

Your thoughts are your inner work.

The outer world is a reflection of your inner world.

For example if you have a chaotic mind, you’ll find more often than not a messy, disorganised home.

If you’re finding it hard to find love, it’s because you don’t truly love yourself.

If you’re finding it hard to make money, it’s because you have a scarcity mindset.

Trying to change your reality by changing the outside world, is like trying to change white wine to red wine by adding food colouring. 

If you want actual change, you have to go to the source.

If you want the wine to actually change, you have to use a different variety of grapes.

If you want your reality to change, you have to fo the source: you, your thoughts. 

In the journey for change and success, the first step is always the hardest.

First of all, when you want to do something new, you’re starting at zero.

You have no track record or experience.

You have no momentum.

There’s nothing.

More than anything, it takes determination, energy and effort to go from zero to one than it does to get to get from any other steps after that.

After that, every step is easier than the first.

You can achieve the goals you set.

You can create the reality and results you want.

But guess what? You aren’t entitled to that without doing the work.

You have the do the work.

You have to earn your results.

Now zero to one is the hardest but don’t let that stop you.

You can do hard things.

You were made for hard things.

We cannot discuss success without failure.

Guess what, success and failure go hand in hand.

You can’t choose whether you will succeed or fail because failure is always going to be a part of success. You can only choose what kind of failure you are going to have.

The only real failure in my eyes is to not try at all or to use it as an excuse to quit.

Further to this, allow yourself to grow. Give yourself permission to grow.

When you plant seeds in the garden, you don’t check every day to see if they have instantly bloomed.

You simply water them everyday, clear the weeds and know that in time they will grow.

Breathe easy beautiful soul, it will happen – let things unfold as they are meant to.

If anyone tells you there’s a secret to making it happen, there isn’t.

There’s no magic formula or button, it truly is just doing the work.

It is overwhelming to go from 0 to 100 but it’s much easier to go from 0 to 1 to 2 to 3.

The key to success is consistency and knowing that every little bit counts even just 1%.

The pain you feel today, becomes the strength of your tomorrow 

What can you do everyday to get you one step closer to your goal?

Think of success like a ladder.

To get to the top of the ladder sure you could leap from 0 to 4 rungs or even jump from rung 3 to rung 7 but when you do that, not only is it harder and requires more energy, you may fall in the process of doing so.

Consistency on the ladder is going up steadily one rung at a time..

Further to this, let us sprinkle accountability into the mix.

How different is it when you write down a goal in your journal and tell no one vs have a life coach checking in with you weekly asking if you’ve done what you needed to do that week to make your goal happen and post about your goal openly on social media?

Very different right?

Studies have shown that when you share your goals with others, you are twice as likely to achieve them than if you keep the goals to yourself. 

When you don’t share your goals in some way, you aren’t truly committed to them. It’s very easy to give up because it’s like they never really existed.

Another reason why accountability works is well we are human and we want to save face.

Your reputation is on the line to loved ones, to people you know, to strangers on the internet. You want to fulfil the expectations that others have of you. 

A life coach is worth the investment as there isn’t the strain of telling a loved one or friend. A coach does not judge, scold or blame, your coach is there to support you every step of the way, help you develop strategies to overcome obstacles and help you realise what works for you and what does not.

So far everything I’ve discussed cements the fact that success is not an accident.

Success is intentional.

Habits play deeply into success as they account for about 40 percent of our behaviours on any given day. 

Let’s pause for a moment to consider this.

Almost half of the things you do on any day isn’ a result of conscious decisions but behaviours that you have repeated so many times they have become more or less automatic. 

You no longer think about them, there’s no mind drama, you just do them.

It has been widely said that it takes 21 days to make a habit, so I’m not going to go into this.

Rather I want to introduce the concept of habit stacking with you

Habit stacking uses the habits you already have and using the power of connection to create new habits.

It makes sense right, you’ve already done something so much it’s almost auto pilot – if you use that as a foundational base to make a new habit, it’s more likely to stick.

Habit stacking goes like this

After or Before [CURRENT HABIT], I will [NEW HABIT].

Simple examples could be:

Before I eat breakfast, I will write down 3 things I am grateful for.

After I brush my teeth, I will take a minute to meditate.

Before I check my phone in the morning, I will stretch for 5 minutes. 

So when I discussed the topic of goal setting and success on my Instagram you beautiful souls had a variety questions that I would like to answer. A Q&A a on goal setting and success.

When it comes to prioritising, think of it like this.

Everyone in the world has 24 hours including Beyonce, Oprah, Elon Musk. What are you doing with every hour you get?

Is what you are doing helping you get closer to your goal? 

Another useful tool is to use a decision matrix, how important is the task and how urgent is the task? 

Always know your purpose.

A great exercise for this is something I learnt from The Life Coach school. It’s called the 3-2-1 method.

Everyday write down your goal followed by 3 reasons why it is important to you, 2 reasons why you are equiped to make it happen and 1 thing you’ll do today to move closer to making it happen.

If you’re struggling to understand the purpose of your goal, use the 5 whys technique. 

Ask yourself why, 5 times until you distill it down.

For example:

I want to get fit

1st why? To be skinnier

2nd why? So I can fit into my clothes

3rd why? So I can wear the new clothes I bought

4th why? These new clothes make me feel attractive and confident

5th why? They show off my figure. I want to feel attractive and confident to call in a relationship into my life. To feel so much love not only for my partner but for me too.

Realise this, when you chase a goal you’re chasing the feeling you get by achieving the goal. Most of the time it’s about feeling good.

The great thing about feelings is you can also conjure up feelings by recalling memories right?

If you want to feel happy, think about times where you have felt so much joy, you were laughing.

If you want to feel sad, think about times where you have experienced heart ache and pain.

If you want to feel confident, think about times where you felt at your best.

Let’s tie this into achieving our goals and the realm of success.

Let’s time leap and think about the you who achieves your goals this year.

What does the future you who achieved your goal think?

How does the future you who achieved your goal feel?

What does the future you do?

Taste it for a moment.

Your subconscious can’t help but latch on and work in the background to find a way to make it happen.

Not only that, how do you embody future you right now?

Life is always going to be changing, change is the only constant.

No matter what you need to have confidence in yourself.

When you are confident in yourself, it doesn’t matter what is happening in the external world.

The outside world doesn’t define who you are and what you can do, you do.

Your job doesn’t define you, how much money you make, your relationship, how much you do, you do.

You control your thoughts, you control your belief, you control your decisions.

You know you can do hard things.

You know you will find a way to make it happen.

You know that you will figure it out.

Self confidence is having belief in yourself.

It’s taking the leap through the faith.

Is reality controlling you or are you making the most of the current reality? 

Think about this analogy, that you are at a casino playing blackjack.

Whatever cards you get, your goal is to win. 

You can’t control the cards you are being dealt, but what you do with those cards you control that. You also control your appearance, do you look confident with your hand or are you truly confident with your hand. Do you look defeated by your cards but secretly you know you have been dealt amazing cards?

That doesn’t mean you’ll always win with every hand but thats okay right? Just because you lose one round doesn’t make you a terrible player. Just because you’ve been losing consistently doesn’t mean you’ll always lose. The tides turn. After all you can win big in just one round and leave.

This one really ties into a scarcity vs abundance mindset.

Scarcity says why is this happening to me. Abundance says what is here for me.

Focus on what you do have, when you notice the good things in your life, you can’t help but feel more abundant. 

An abundant mindset looks for opportunities and understands the more you give, the more you will get.

For example, if it’s money – the most incredible thing of our time is the internet. There are SO many free resources out there. In exchange for money, you may exchange time because you need to filter out all the information to find out work best for you, you need to try and learn along the way.

Instead of I can’t afford that, think how can I afford that.

Are you conscious of where your current resources are going? Your time, your effort, your energy?

Most of the time we think we are but we can’t account for minute to minute of our time or dollar to dollar. 

This truly is a hard one but I truly understand. 

In 2020 I spent $10,000 on my self development during a global pandemic. What I realised though is I had more money than I thought. The money that I used to use on frivolous things like new clothes, Ubers, dining out and takeaway was now funding my development as a life coach through taking courses and having my own coaches.

This episode has been like a mini intensive on how to set yourself up for success in 2021. 

I wanted to close this episode with some quotes and food for thought.

“There is no elevator to success, you have to take the stairs.”

“The road to success and the road to failure are almost exactly the same.”

“Successful people do what unsuccessful people are not willing to do. Don’t wish it were easier; wish you were better.”

 “If you are not willing to risk the usual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.”

“I never dreamed about success, I worked for it.”

Thank you so much for listening to this episode on creating success in 2021. I am so excited for all the things to come this year. Watch this space! If you have any episode suggestions, please get in touch as I’m always looking for new ideas to explore.

Not only that, as I mentioned earlier, I have limited 1:1 coaching spots left so if you are interested and want me by your side in 2021, let’s chat, I would love to help you.

I hope you all have an absolutely incredible 2021 full of joy and success.

Love and positivity, chat to you next Tuesday.

[Episode 09 – How to Create and Have Success in 2021 Ends]

Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

2020 has been a year like no other. In this episode I share 20 eye opening lessons I learnt in 2020 covering mindset, perspective, energy, self love and purpose.

You are listening to episode 8 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: 20 Eye Opening Lessons Learnt in 2020 – A Year Like No Other.

[Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

[Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

[Episode 08 – 20 Eye Opening Lessons Learnt in 2020 – A Year Like No Other]

Hello beautiful souls! 

In less than a few days, a year like no other 2020, will wrap up and tick over to 2021. A year that started off with bushfires and floods in Australia, to a global pandemic that is still on going. Can I first just say if you are listening, congratulations on how far you’ve made it through 2020 and how incredible you are doing? Give yourself a pat on the shoulder and celebrate. It has been a tough year!

When 2020 comes to mind, many will be quick to label it as horrible, the worst but as the Positivity Queen, I’m here to remind you that 2020 hasn’t been all bad. In fact so many beautiful things have happened. 



We’ve seen people and communities come together to support one another. 



We’ve seen people slow down and have time to realise what is truly important to them.

We’ve seen people connect in ways we haven’t seen before.



We’ve seen beautiful acts of generosity for one another through donations and volunteering.

We’ve seen the fight for equality and justice rise to the mainstream through the Black Lives Matter Movement.

We’ve seen Kamala Harris become the first female, first Black, first South Asian US Vice President-Elect.

We’ve seen incredible essential workers recognised for what they do and all they do.


We’ve seen greater flexibility than ever before with the working from home revolution.



We’ve seen carbon emissions fall by the largest amount ever recorded.

For me personally, 2020 has been a rollercoaster like many.

The thing I am most grateful was is time! 

I had time to start an Instagram page on mental health which led me to become a Confidence and Clarity Life Coach. Words truly cannot describe the gratitude and love I have for my clients. 

Two recent testimonials I received truly touched my heart and soul.

“You have had the biggest impact on my life Phi. I would not be where I am mentally without you. I am starting to trust my own judgement and enjoy being in my own head again. I am so much more confident in so many ways and owe it all to you”

“In a time where my thoughts were cloudy and I wasn’t sure how to navigate the next chapter of my life, Phi was there to provide support and guidance. Thanks to Phi, I have achieved so much in the past two months, by following the advice Phi gave me I am thinking healthier thoughts and working wards being the best version of myself. I couldn’t recommend Phi enough for her honesty, mentorship, ways of coaching, she really has changed my life for the better”

Reflecting upon 2020, I have helped my clients ramp up their self love and realise their self worth, clients kickstart businesses from self care goods to coaching, forgive those who have hurt them whether it’s family, friends or even themselves, move on from exes and relationships which caused heartache and pain, find love and get into relationships that feel so damn good and nourishing, sleep easier at night, excel in their internships, move on from jobs that kept them feeling stuck and stale… truly a testament to the power that is life coaching. 

Life coaching is life changing. 

Life coaching is a powerful investment in you.

Your brain is truly your greatest asset, but it doesn’t come with a manual on how to use it. A life coach like myself can help you harness the power of this amazing tool that you already have. To learn practical tips and strategies so you can achieve your goals whilst feeling clear, confident and empowered. 

Coaching creates so much more in your life, for my clients that’s more self love, more self belief, more self trust, more money, more love, more happiness, more confidence, more clarity… it truly adds so much to your life.

If you are interested in upleveling your mind and your life, let’s chat. I would love to help and support you. Let’s make 2021 your greatest year yet!

Now to the 20 Eye Opening Lessons Learnt in 2020 – A Year Like No Other. As I discuss the 20 lessons, I would love for you to actively reflect along.

What are your thoughts on what I’m saying, does it resonate with you?

Would you add anything else to what I’m saying? Use this time listening to this podcast to be purposeful with your reflection. 

One of the core pillars of mindset work is understanding the power of our thoughts, we have 60,000 a day! 

Most of the time we aren’t aware and conscious of them, we run on autopilot and let them do their thing. 

This is why I love coaching because I teach my clients to be conscious of their thoughts and the power of our thoughts. 

As earlier in the podcast – what do you think of 2020? Well it’s up to you. If you focus on the positive, guess what in your reflection 2020 was an amazing year! Conversely if you focus on the negative, 2020 was a horrible year.

2020 truly showed us that anything can change and happen at any time. 

In life we expect so much. 

We expect to have a job. We expect to celebrate occasions such as birthdays and weddings with loved ones. We expect to wake up everyday. We expect we will be healthy always. We expect to be able to exercise outside anytime and anyway we want. We expect to be able to dine out in restaurants. We expect to have access to basics like food and toilet paper. 

2020 truly flipped this on its head. There are no guarantees in life so live each moment in the present. Enjoy it, savour it and appreciate it. You never know when something as simple as breathing outside without a mask on or toilet paper could be taken away from you.

Gratitude truly is a magnet for more abundance in our lives. Further to that it takes absence to truly appreciate presence. 

2020 saw so many plans shifted, sidelined or cancelled. Being able to plan ahead is a privilege because we expect most things to remain unchanged and that we are secure. 

The fact we can expect things to remain the same without major changes is a privilege. 2020 forced us to be flexible and adapt to ever-changing circumstances.

So many people in the world live this way that we never even think of: those who are chronically ill, disabled, in poverty = they cannot plan ahead like we do for they don’t know how much energy, time, money, resources they may have in a week yet alone a month or year.

Now this is a good or bad thing depending on how you see it. I want to offer you a perspective.

 In a matter of months, the pandemic changed everyone’s life globally. 

What can you do in a matter of  months? 

Change isn’t dependent on time, change is dependent on actions. In a matter of months my clients have left jobs and found new ones, let go of old relationships and start a new relationship, went from hating themselves to liking themselves – What can you do in months? Minutes? Seconds?

Look back at all the days this year you thought you may not make it through, that it would break you but here you are. Still standing. Stronger than ever. Wiser than ever. More resilient than ever. You are living through a more often than not, once in a lifetime global pandemic.

Your health isn’t a given, it’s a privilege. Just like you regularly work out at the gym or exercise, don’t forget to invest time, energy and money into your mental health. Without your mental health you can’t live life or even go to the gym if you wanted to. Build inner peace or fall to outer chaos.

Whilst you couldn’t control the pandemic happening, what could you control? Your attitudes towards it. Your perspective on it. What you did with the time given through it. Did you see it as opportunity? Did you see it as abundance? 

Weddings were cancelled, but love was not.
Gatherings were cancelled, but friendship was not.
Parties were cancelled, but celebrating was not. 
Gigs and festivals were cancelled, but music was not.
Gyms were cancelled but fitness was not. 
Cinemas were cancelled but movies were not.

So who are you?

Is life happening for you or to you?

It’s a matter of perspective.

If something is in your control it means you can change it, you have the power. Apply this to your areas of life. 

Did the pandemic drive your life or did you thrive during a pandemic?

Why are you so happy to spend money on others, on clothes, on cars, on houses, on vacations, on experiences yet you squirm at the thought of directly investing in yourself?

 Whether that’s self care through time of work or investing in life coaching to help you understand and reprogram your thoughts? 

 You are the most valuable investment you will ever make. 

Yes it can feel scary to do so but yes it is worth it. 

You are worthy. You are a priority. Don’t forget to make time, money, energy and effort for yourself too. 

It’s not what you do. It’s not what you accomplish. It’s not what you create.  It’s not what you produce. In fact you don’t have to do anything or be anything to be worthy. You are already worthy as you are right now.

The Coronavirus may have prevented us from hugging and embracing each other but that doesn’t mean we don’t love. You also never know when someone you love may pass so never miss a chance to tell and show someone you love them. Why are we so scared of feeling? To feel is to be human. 

In 2020, I thought I needed to go to travelling to Japan when really all I needed was to take time off work and spend time with my family.

In 2020, I thought I needed to eat at all the newest and trendiest restaurants when really all I needed was food to eat.

In 2020, I thought I needed to get promoted and paid more at work when really all I needed was a job and stable income.

In 2020, I thought I needed to new outfits to wear going out and get snapped in when really all I needed was clothes to wear at home (hello sweatpants and oversized tees!)

In 2020, I thought I needed to do more and achieve more when really all I need was rest and relax.

In 2020, our houses became more than our homes. We turned our homes into offices, makeshift gyms, art and yoga studios, cinemas, gourmet kitchens, trendy bars. We adapted our homes to meet our needs, we became more resourceful.

Fresh air outside. Sunshine. The ocean. Seeing someone you love in person. Breathing. Cuddling your pet. Hugging a loved one. Reading a book. Having a roof over your head. Reconnecting with old friends. Indoor dance parties. 

Redundancies launched new businesses, created side hustles, turned side hustles into full time hustle.

Reduced work time meant more time for parents to spend time with kids, more time for your partner, more time for your family, more time to reconnect with old friends.

Less global movement meant more animals homes saved, a healthier and happier environment with less emissions. 

Not being able to dine out meant we appreciated simple things like eating outside of our homes. Supporting small, local businesses. 

In fact it means the opposite. Struggling means trying. Trying is not failure. 

When you try, it means you are putting in effort and energy. 

It means you are giving what you have, you are doing what you can. 

You could simply do nothing at all, that is failure, to not even try. 

Where there is struggle, there is growth. Where there is growth, there is also success. Keep going!

When we go to high school or even university, never does anyone outrightly talk about money and finances, not in my experience. 

If you subscribe to society’s timeline it’s have a good job and career. It doesn’t tell you what to do if a pandemic happens and you lose your job or your pay gets reduced. If you’ve been living pay check to pay check where is your money going to come from? 

2020 is truly the year I opened my eyes to my finances and realised this. Don’t just rely on your job for income, where else can you turn to whether it’s stocks, money from rentals, a side-hustle, savings etc.

It truly is that simple, it is up to you.

What are you choosing to focus on?
Are you choosing to be grateful?

Are you choosing to be thankful?
Are you seeing the good in everything?

If it’s one thing 2020 reaffirmed, we never stop learning and growing from our experiences.

Thank you so much for listening beautiful soul.

I hope you enjoyed the last episode of Grow Through It with Phi Dang for 2020 and the rest of your year.

Before we part ways, I’m about to tell you the mantra and energy we are bringing into 2021.

Are you ready?

You don’t need to get ready for 2021 because 2021 has to get ready for you!

Speak to you in the new year beautiful soul, love and positivity. 

[Episode 08 – 20 Eye Opening Lessons Learnt in 2020 – A Year Like No Other: Ends]

Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

This episode covers everything you need to know about the chaos and anxiety that can be Christmas. This episode provides practical tips and strategies to cope and have a calm Christmas. It covers everything from expectations, feeling distant from people, not physically being with your family and crazy families.

You are listening to episode 7: Christmas Holiday Survival Guide.

[Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

[Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

[Episode 07 – Christmas Holiday Survival Guide: Begins]

Hi beautiful souls, can you believe it’s almost Christmas!? What a year it has been, we’ve had so much happen and here we are almost at the end of 2020. Thinking about Christmas, it brings so much joy to many people but for some it can also bring anxiety and sadness.

For me it’s mixed. My dad passed away close to Christmas 7 years ago, so I often feel sad as I miss him and reflect upon that. In fact it was a few days ago and I have just come back from a weekend away. It was so nice to disconnect from everyday routine and social media in order to reconnect with myself.

In honour of this experience and loss, I wanted to speak about the Christmas Holiday season which brings mixed feelings for many. The end of the year and time off work often gives us time to reflect as well which can bring up all sorts of feelings.

Before I dive into it I want to give so much appreciation to you listening to this, so much love and positivity. If you are loving the podcast, please rate the podcast 5 stars and leave a review – it would help so much to spread the message on mindset, self love, energy, purpose and mental health. Huge shout out to Ash who said “I wish I had this podcast when I was younger!” – thank you so much Ash. It doesn’t matter how old you are, you can start at any time, at any age to change your life. 

Now let’s told holiday season. When I asked about struggles with the holiday season on my Instagram, there were 4 things that came up that I am going to speak about today: Expectations, Feeling detached from friends and family in combination with not feeling like you are enough, not being with your whole family and crazy families.

All of this sounds like stress, sadness and mental breakdowns. Fear not though, I’ve got you.
I’m about to provide you with some practical tips and tools to get through these struggles to create a drama free holiday season that is easy and smooth.

Let’s dive into it.

It’s funny, the Christmas holiday period we all have this expectation that during this time it will be happy and merry and all problems will disappear. If only, this is life and this is reality, these days are just like any other except for the emphasis and expectations we put on it.

Something that is discussed at The Life Coach School is that many of us aren’t aware that we have a manual that we have created based on our beliefs, experiences and upbringing. It’s a set of rules that we think everyone needs to abide by and how they should behave.

Examples of this are:

It’s interesting because we think these things but often we never actually express these expectations or thoughts to the people around us. 

These manuals are so evident in our head, yet we never share. How can we expect someone to behave accordingly if they don’t know your expectation? If you don’t communicate your expectation, you are setting yourself and others up for failure.

So what can we learn from this?

Communicate clearly. Tell someone what you would like and explain why. Often when our needs aren’t met we will resent someone yet we don’t even tell them.

People cannot mind read. 

People act out of their own will and freedom. 

Trust the person that if they love and care about you, they will be open to listening to what you want and then it’s up to them if they want to meet your need or not. Simple but we complicate things by not communicating clearly and keeping expectations in our head.

Let’s also emphasise the clear part of communicate clearly. I think many of us are guilty for dropping hints or thinking someone is absorbing every little thing we say or do – not really. 

Say it clearly so the person knows exactly what you want. You don’t have to feel weird, awkward, selfish or embarrassed. By doing this you are communicating clearly so that there aren’t mixed signals or hints that go missed because that would result in you getting upset and them dealing with the consequences of that. So really by doing this you are helping yourself and them.

So when we have expectations, when we have our manual, we have to remember that the only person who can meet our needs that is in our control is ourselves. 

We cannot control other people. As I mentioned before everyone acts out of their own will and freedom, I want that, you want that, so no one wants that taken away from them. Think about how hard it is for you to control and change yourself let alone someone else. We can’t expect others to do something we would not.

Another expectation that pops up during Christmas holidays is the expectation of feeling. Feeling merry. Feeling jolly. Feeling generous. We are attached to the expectation of happy and celebration.

I want you to remember that we aren’t meant to be happy all the time, in fact you don’t have to be happy all the time! Just because it’s Christmas it doesn’t mean you suddenly have to be happy just like any other time of the year. There’s no magic switch that says on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day everyone in the world will be happy and get along. Life doesn’t work life that, we are human! 

If you are going to have expectations make sure they are reasonable and realistic – don’t go into the holidays with blinkers on, thinking it will be joyful and merry. If you go in expecting a few challenges may pop up you will feel better because when they happen they aren’t out of the blue. Be in acceptance, it’s when we resist we cause ourselves pain and heartache.

In fact why not use it to your advantage? If you are expecting certain things will happen, use it to your advantage and be prepared ahead of time. 

You get anxious about future feelings, feelings you don’t want to feel like being annoyed or upset. 

How are these feelings created? Your thoughts.

By worrying or being anxious about the future, you feel like you’re in control but you’re not. No worrying or anxiety about it will change it. Only your deliberate thoughts will.

Let’s use this scenario, I have an Aunt who often says to me that I’m looking chubby and I could lose a bit of weight. If I accepted what she says and take that on board, I feel terrible. I feel guilty that I’ve eaten a lot and in fact ashamed. This is a result of accepting her thought and running with it.

Instead I choose to accept the thought because it’s her free will but I am not running with it.

My aunt can can say what she wants, as ridiculous as it is, even if it’s not true and that’s okay. 

When the moment happens I prepare myself. 

I am expecting her to say that she think’s I’m chubby and that I need to lose weight and so instead of thinking yes she’s right and feeling ashamed, I’m going to to decide ahead of time to think: okay, she wants to say that, and that’s okay. Maybe it’s because when she was growing up people used to talk about her weight all the time and she’s super conscious of it mostly in herself. As a result that reflects in her view of others around her such as me. 

With all this, I am going to make the decisions not to take her thought on board as my thought though. 

If I believe what she says I am going to feel upset and ashamed. 

Hence think-ception occurs. 

I know what to think ahead of time that it’s a reflection of her upbringing and experiences and I don’t have to accept the thought. As a result I don’t feel upset and ashamed. If anything I feel compassion for her that would be a hard experience being ridiculed for your weight and in turn judging others upon your thoughts about weight.

Instead of feeling upset and ashamed if I ran with her thoughts, I am to decide to embody and feel so much love and appreciation for my body as it is right now based on my thoughts.

You can apply this principle to any feelings in life, not just holiday Christmas ones. It’s a useful tool to have, prepare your thoughts, prepare your feelings and prepare your results. 

The holidays can be so hard when you don’t feel close to your family and friends. Being around them and talking about your lives, the year that’s been and what you are up to can be anxiety inducing. If you don’t feel enough, that will come up through these conversations.

I want you to remember that no one can make you feel anything. I’ve said this time and time again that your thoughts create your feelings and in turn your actions or inaction leading to your results. If you are feeling detached or not enough it’s because you are thinking thoughts to make you feel that way.

What thoughts can you have instead that make you feel more connection with the people you are around? If you think thoughts such as it is possible to find a connection than that will influence your actions. Perhaps you will get more involved in festivities or make more effort to strike a conversation with someone.

Perhaps your thoughts lead you to define Christmas and the holiday season. What does it mean for you? Connection exists beyond the family and friends we spend time with. Do you want to contribute to the holiday season in a different way by perhaps volunteering? Or connecting with individuals online too? What meaning can you make of Christmas? 

For some it may not even be about connection, it may be simply rest, for others it’s taking time for themselves or perhaps it’s about generosity and helping others in need.

Further to that, the end of the year is always a time of reflection but I want you to know you are enough as you are. Right now. You don’t have to do anything to be enough. You are already enough as you are, you are a part of this amazing world, you are here living and breathing. You are enough. 

You get to decide you are enough. You can decide right now you are enough. Being enough is self belief, you determine that no one else but you. Think about this sentence, “If I believed I were enough, I would ______”.

I bet so much came up for you right? Start believing it! The only person who has the power to make you feel that you are enough is you, no one else! 

The secret to being enough isn’t that you have to do something, to achieve something or to be a certain way truly it’s believing you are enough.

With the virus, it’s to be expected certain friends and family may not be around due to circumstances out of our control. Think about what is in your control? Your thoughts.

Turning to gratitude is always a saving grace. What can you be thankful for such as the family and friend who you are able to be there with physically. Can you be thankful that if they are alive, at least they are although it’s sad they can’t be there with you? If they aren’t here, can you be grateful for the memories you did share together? 

Can you do something in honour of people who are not present this year? My family put up a framed photo of my dad and leave him a plate of food.

Alternatively is there a way to connect with them without them physically being there whether that’s a phone call or through a video chat? Whilst these will never replace being physically there, it does help with missing them.

Be compassionate with yourself, it’s normal to miss people when we can’t be with them. What’s important is to be present and appreciative of the people that you can be with. After all some may be lonely out there without friends and family others grieving the loss of loved ones this year. 

When it comes to loss, a holiday can sure amplify those feelings of loss or missing. Be sure to take care of yourself. To make time for yourself. I find journaling really helps to release your thoughts and feelings out of your head and body.

I think we can all attest to the fact we all have unique and different families. Families are made up different personalities and there’s always bound to be someone you deem crazy or hard to get along with.

The first point of call on this topic is to remember that you can only control yourself, your own behaviour and thoughts. You can’t control anyone else. Even what you think is reasonable may not reasonable for them just like their thoughts of reasonable may not be for you.

Most of the time, it’s only once a year you have to encounter these family members, so in the grand scheme of life that’s not too bad right? Can you be empathetic towards them, perhaps why they are acting the way they are? Can you tolerate it for one or two days of the year? 1 out of 365 thats such a tiny fraction of a percentage of your whole year.

Another thing to note. When it comes to ‘crazy’ families its important to remember you don’t have to like everyone and everyone doesn’t have to like you. 

If you don’t like everyone, why do you expect everyone should like you? 

There is no rule that says you have to like your family. If you think it is, you are operating from your manual, your rule book. Connection is multifaceted. You may not like someone yet still love them or you may not like someone and not love someone. That’s okay!

Another tip for crazy families is to go into the situation prepared going back to what I spoke about earlier in the podcast about expectations. Accept that the day may not go perfectly and that’s okay. Accept that there may be tension or awkwardness. Be prepared with a coping mechanism, whether that’s taking a walk if someone annoys you or taking 5 deep breaths before responding as examples.

Additionally I think it’s important to note that whatever people say or do is a reflection of their world. It hasn’t got anything to do with you. It’s a reflection of their mind, their world, their manual. 

Thank you for listening beautiful soul, I hope you found some useful insights for your Christmas Holiday. Merry Christmas and I hope you have a wonderful time.

If you’re anticipating struggling with Christmas or many emotions being evoked post Christmas, let’s chat because I’m here to support. We can discuss your individual scenario to have you better prepared for Christmas and post Christmas. I have limited 1:1 coaching spots still available, so please get in touch if you are interested. You are not alone and I can help you.

That’s it for this episode beautiful souls, I’ll chat to you next week for the last episode for the year where we will reflect on 2020! 

[Episode 07 – Christmas Holiday Survival Guide: Ends]

Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.