Guidance to Grow

Dear Vilomah Community,

With a heart full of gratitude and reflection, I share some significant changes in my life and what they mean for our beloved podcast, Vilomah. Since 2021, I have had the honour of walking alongside you, sharing stories, advice, and comfort as we navigate the heart-wrenching journey of losing a child. This podcast was born out of a desire to reach out to parents enduring this unimaginable pain, a way to say, “You are not alone.”

Today marks the last episode of Vilomah.

It’s a bittersweet moment for me. My journey as a bereaved mother and a counsellor has been deeply intertwined with this podcast. Over the past three years, we’ve explored various aspects of this journey, and I have shared my personal story with you. The podcast has been a source of solace and strength, both for me and, I hope, for you as well.

Life, as we know, is ever-changing. My husband and I are planning to downscale our lifestyle and possibly move. We've navigated through our loss, and our children and grandchildren have found their own ways to cope with the absence of our daughter. While the podcast is ending, my passion for counselling remains unwavering. I am still here for you, ready to listen and support you. You can always reach me at [email protected].

My daughter will always be a part of me.

The seasons of my life have been profoundly affected by her absence. Winter, with its cold and darkness, has been a constant metaphor for the loss. Yet, I have also seen the blossoms of spring and felt the warmth of summer in moments of joy and new beginnings. Becoming a grandmother has brought light back into my life, reminding me that even after the harshest winters, spring eventually arrives.

Ageing has brought its own set of challenges and reflections. My husband’s support has been invaluable, and our bond has only grown stronger through the years of mourning and healing. Together, we’ve learned to cherish each moment and find gratitude in every day.

I encourage you to keep your journals and, if you feel comfortable, share your stories with me. Each journey through loss is unique, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. What matters is finding a path that allows you to honour your child’s memory and continue living with renewed vitality and gratitude.

Forgiveness, I’ve found, is crucial. It’s a difficult path, especially when justice seems elusive. But without forgiveness, we risk being consumed by our own bitterness. Our children’s memories deserve to be honoured with peace and love, not overshadowed by anger.

Would I have chosen to avoid this pain by never having my daughter? Never. Her life and love have been invaluable to our family, and she will always be a part of us. I hope you, too, find a way to cherish the wonderful memories of your child and choose life in their honour.

Thank you for being part of this journey with me. I look forward to connecting with you via email or online. Your strength, stories, and resilience have been a beacon of hope and understanding.

May you be blessed with peace, love, and joy on your journey. It has been a privilege to connect with you through Vilomah.

Warm regards, Jeanne

The New Year is about hope and new beginnings, but for a parent who's lost a child, it's really tough. Celebrating anything feels wrong when your child isn't there. New Year's is usually a time for family and friends, but there's this big empty space without your child.

In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Berg encourages parents to focus on their grief state and use the past to identify and work through their grief. She also provides advice on physical and mental recovery, including seeking help from a counsellor and finding small practical ways to give oneself new pleasure.

Navigating the holiday season following the loss of a child can seem like an overwhelming challenge. The pressure to feel joyful during Christmas, or any similar occasion, often intensifies the sense of sorrow. So, what's the approach for managing Christmas in the absence of your child? Although it's impossible to halt the agony of mourning, establishing realistic personal expectations can help ease the burden of grief.

In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Bergh, gives advise on how parents can use this time to learn about their children and share memories.

People have varied relationships with death, shaped by personal experiences and cultural backgrounds. Despite our differences, there is a universal truth that death is an inevitable part of life, and losing loved ones is a shared experience.

When there has been a loss, it is important to discuss death within families openly. These conversations, though uncomfortable, play a vital role in providing emotional support. We encourage you to embrace the discomfort and approach these discussions with empathy, fostering emotional well-being and effective navigation of the emotional aspects of death.

In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Bergh offers a concise exploration of the significance of talking about death, providing personal reflections and insights to guide you in approaching this often-taboo subject with greater understanding and compassion.

In the pain of losing a child, a profound fear many bereaved parents share is that their child will be forgotten. While society freely celebrates children's milestones, bereaved parents often face silence or even disdain when they remember their lost child. Yet, every child, whether they lived moments or decades, has touched this world and lives forever in the hearts of their parents.

In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Berg shares more on how the simple act of acknowledging a lost child's birthday or sharing memories can be a comforting gesture to grieving parents.

The experience of losing a child is an unparalleled loss, frequently misconstrued by most. If you care for a grieving parent or have a connection with one, always keep in mind that even their so-called "better" days are more challenging than one could possibly grasp. Rather than offering advice, what's truly needed is compassion and love.

Amidst this profound loss, I have undergone remarkable personal growth. My journey through grief has enabled me to provide valuable support to those who have endured a similar loss. Through my own experiences, I have gained profound insights into the complexities of bereavement, allowing me to offer genuine empathy and assistance to others navigating the same path of sorrow.

In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Bergh shares her ability to give back to those who are suffering, showcasing the incredible strength and resilience that have developed within as a result of her own loss.

Losing a child is an indescribable tragedy that inflicts profound emotional and psychological pain upon parents. In the weeks following the death of their child, parents often experience a range of intense emotions and face numerous challenges as they navigate through their grief.

In this deeply moving episode, Jeanne van den Bergh draws upon her extensive experience and offers a beacon of support to parents who find themselves navigating the unimaginable depths of grief. With empathy and wisdom, she explores the complexities of grief and shares practical strategies to help listeners navigate the difficult terrain of the first days and weeks after such a profound loss.

Through poignant personal reflections, Jeanne provides solace, understanding, and hope for those who are grieving. She addresses the unique emotions, questions, and struggles that arise during this initial stage of grief, and offers compassionate insights to help parents find their way through the darkness.

Join Jeanne as she delves into the raw emotions and challenges that parents face in the immediate aftermath of losing a child.

Grief is an inescapable part of life. As human beings, we possess deep, complex, multi-faceted emotions, and it’s our responsibility to learn how we individually need to process those emotions. If you are facing a season of grief keeping a grief journal might be the answer to helping you cope with and process your feelings.

In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Bergh provides guidance on how journalling can help you process your grief.

The death of a child of any age is a profound, difficult, and painful experience. Crying, sorrow, and anger are common emotions when dealing with death. The most obvious impact on parents is the impact of the ongoing grief and sadness of their child not being here. How do you live with the anger, the guilt, the regrets, and the grief?

It's important to understand that grieving is a normal response. Grieving, however, should be managed so that activities of daily living and relationships among the survivors are able to be maintained. Misdirected anger and feelings of guilt and blame can be very detrimental to a family and marriage. Seeking support groups and professional help may make the grieving process more manageable and have fewer long-lasting effects.

In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Bergh gives advice on what to do if your feelings of blame and guilt are overtaking your thoughts.

There are many support groups available to help families cope with a loss and work through their emotions associated with grieving, including Guidance to Grow Bereaved Parents Support Group. Join the group today for support, advice and guidance on dealing with the loss of your child.

One of the most surprising things about emotional trauma is how hard it can hit even the most stoic and grounded people.

Physical injuries can cause a lot of pain and discomfort, but they can be measured and are to be expected after something terrible and unexpected, like a car accident.

Psychological trauma, such as the death of a child, is not at all like physical trauma. It sneaks up on people when they least expect it, mostly because of how the nervous system works.

Emotional trauma can cause major changes in the mind and body. These changes can lead to feelings of shame, dependence, and a wide range of worries that can make it hard for a person to function and live their daily lives if they are not treated.

Psychological trauma can affect a person's mental and physical health if it is not handled. Find out how trauma affects the body and how you can get better.

Living with the effects of trauma doesn't have to be a way of life. There are effective ways to treat trauma symptoms that can make them go away.

In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Bergh, shares information about her methods for helping people who have been through trauma, as well as tips on what people can do by themselves.