Spring break 2024 was a movie... a horror movie... like a horror movie where everyone is super hot and you are by the water making out with the hottest girl, but she's not like easy or anything, people just spread rumors about her because they are jealous of how hot she is. and you are like the funny guy who is hot, but an unconventional way and you are really thoughtful and deep. not like those jocks that bully you at summer camp. so you are making out with this babe and then you hear a bubbling noise from the water and she gets spooked but you tell her not to worry and say "it was probably a fish" and you go back to kissing her and then it happens again and she freaks out and you have to say "its not that big of a deal, I don't hear anything" (you totally did hear something but you just wanna make out with her and she's kinda killing the mood) then you kiss her again and things are getting steamy, like not in a gross agressive sex way but in like a young love romance hot sexy way. and you lay her on the sand by the water and in your mind you are thinking "oh fucking hell yeah, finally. I haven't touched a women since aunt laurys funeral, when you went and gave your cousin a hug" (the hot one, but not in a gross way, like shes not even related by blood so like it would be totally fine, not like anything was gonna happen, like you don't like-like her or anything, you just get jealous when you hear her talk about her boy friend and maybe that one time at the 7th grade pool party when she was in a bankini you looked for a little to long and your shorts got tight) but anyway you are super pumped to be kissing this girl. she's an absolute smoke show, but she has a trouble past and she doesn't really open up about it to many people (her dad killed himself) but she opens up to you and when she told you this, you were kinda annoyed because you came down to the beach to try and get some action and hearing about her dead dad is a total boner killer. and your parents always told you that her dad killed himself because he had gambling debts but thats something you keep to yourself. so you're back to making out on the beach with her and you feel a hand on your back and its slowly making its way down your shirt towards your shorts and you are thinking "holy shit oh shit, its happening" but when the hand reaches your waistband and your sunburnt skin, its actually feels rough and more like a scale on a fish. and you open your eyes and you see that there is someone else there..... out from the water while you were making love, the sea monster walked out of the water. (you had heard about it when you were younger but you just thought it was your brother messing with you, like that time he told you that womens boobs can pop like balloons). so you lock eyes with this creature, an unholy green stout figure, outlined by glow of the full moon. you try and let out a scream, a noise, anything to expresses the fear you feel. you body is paralyzed by this fear and no noise can make it past you lips. now the absolute hot babe has seen the monstrous being and she jults back, heading for the water. this would be her biggest mistake, as the sea monster can outswim any human and just as she dives below the water line the monster spears her. you watch has the white van shoes she was wearing slowly sink away from surface.
At this moment you realize you haven't moved a muscle. the monster turns his attention to you and he comes over taking his time. you turn to run, kicking up sand, you trip over your own feet. the monster is standing at your feet. face down in the sand you know your fate. a single tear rolls off your nose and into the sand. the monster grabs you by the collar, lifting you to his eye level and swings your ear next to his mouth. his breath is cold and wet. you struggle to gain your freedom but it is no use. he whispers in your ear, "whats up guys welcome to Gus' Room"
Topics include: Rowing Nerds, Sexy Old People, Pants on Fire
