Happily NEVER After

Every now and then when the cosmos align perfectly, your dearly departed cupcake truck customer leaves you a garage...err, carriage house... behind a used-to-be bakery in the heart of a major metropolitan city. The other part of this super realistic fantasy is that she left the attached bakery to her distinguished-hot nephew who only kind of remembers he had an aunt. These two star-crossed bakery owners, Nikki Deloach - Natalie - and single dad Eric, Dylan Neal, go back and forth a bunch of times about whether or not to dump their prime realty. But when they both get baked by the love cupcake (see what I did there?), neither can resist risking it all to revive Delitto's Bakery and a little 75/25 romance. With what money? We seriously still have no idea.

We’re back with episode 23! We took a left turn into Hallmark Murders & Mysteries on this one, but don’t worry – they found a way to weave plenty of romance with these robberies and aggravated assaults into Along Came a Nanny. The effervescent Cameron Mathison plays Mike Logan, a fun-loving detective who goes under deep cover as a, you guessed it, nanny in order to crack a local robbery case. Mike effortlessly infiltrates the local nanny group, including Jessie (expertly played by Sarah Lancaster) – super hot variety of nanny, manages to remember he is still a detective here and there, sleuths out the perps and learns how to mop a floor and do some light sewing in the process. Oh, and he and other nanny fall in love after a harrowing rescue, but you knew that. This corny take on Alex Cross’s Along Came a Spider is truly ridiculous.

We’re back with episode 23! We took a left turn into Hallmark Murders & Mysteries on this one, but don’t worry – they found a way to weave in plenty of romance with these robberies and aggravated assaults into Along Came a Nanny. The effervescent Cameron Mathison plays Mike Logan, a fun-loving detective who goes under deep cover as a, you guessed it, nanny in order to crack a local robbery case. Mike effortlessly infiltrates the local nanny group, including Jessie – super hot variety of nanny, manages to remember he is still a detective here and there, sleuths out the perps and learns how to mop a floor and do some light sewing in the process. Oh, and he and other nanny fall in love after a harrowing rescue, but you knew that. This corny take on Alex Cross’s Along Came a Spider is truly ridiculous.

Yes, yes, ya'll... It's ep 22 of Happily NEVER After! It's still the #summerofbadtitles and we're bringing you Bridal Wave with none other than the delicious pairing of Andrew Walker and Arielle Kebbel. Georgie is a rhinoplasty nurse who is about to marry her super vanilla, rhinoplasty surgeon fiancé, Phillip Hamilton. This lukewarm relationship is rudely interrupted when during their wedding weekend, Luke (Walker, yum) busts onto the scene in his crew cut and sandals. He used to be a successful architect, but he's done with all that success and regular shoes. He's now ready to walk barefoot near the local grotto and make furniture for the forest animals to enjoy. After we endure two crazy moms and the trappings of a Holiday Inn Express (on the water), who do you think Georgie ends up with in the end? The dry, workaholic nose doctor or the mandal wearing, jobless sketch artist? Listen and find out!

There’s no time like the present to kick off our #summerofbadtitles with a recap of Accidentally Engaged! This very 90s feeling 2016 release stars Lexi Giovagnoli and Brant Daugherty as two “actors” who embark upon the most unrealistically happenstance romance any of us has ever seen. Clarissa is a waitress/aspiring actress who gets fired from a bit part in one of Chaz (yes, Chaz) Hunter’s latest hit movies. Chaz is caught up in his own complex relationship with a married, party girl creeping hard on 45. This is every movie we’ve seen before where two idiots pretend to date each other in an effort to gain some kind of foolishness and then end up falling in love. To be clear, you don’t really see the love happening, but they kiss at the end a la Sixteen Candles so it must be real!

Alright HNA fans, episode 20 caps off our take on Hallmark June weddings because, frankly, two of these was all we could take. The Perfect Bride: Wedding Bells is the sequel/finale to what we can only guess was it's riveting prequel, The Perfect Bride - not sure, we didn't bother to watch it. Anyhoo...Molly, played by Pascale Hutton, has effectively moved on from her heartbreaking altar fiasco with Steven and is primed and ready for happily ever after with Nick, Kavan Smith. If you're also staggered by these real-life names, you're not alone. Nick and Molly have A LOT going on. While she's trying to fully finance and purchase her own gym, he has left behind wedding photography for more artsy pursuits including a gallery opening. When the wedding venue totally biffs on their date to the tune of 6 weeks away, these two overthinker, overplanner types become the most unorganized, scattered and just plain indecisive couple any of us have ever met. Oh, and Steven rears his ugly head again, naturally and quite literally, doing nothing for the story line. If you're an Iron Chef fan, tune in as The Chairman himself also makes a quasi-meaningful appearance. Does that make you want to tune in? Oh yes, you do. ;)

Yay! @happilyneverafter is back in full effect! For episode 19, we are bringing you Love at First Dance from the June Weddings series! Becca Tobin, from the late (and not as great) Glee seasons, plays rejection-fatigued dance instructor, Hope Maze and Niall Matter, of other Hallmark pursuits, is Eric Gunderson, an up and coming financial executive. Eric’s getting married to his super hot financial robot fiancé, Adriana, and this wedding is all business. Also, Eric can’t dance. How on earth is a high society wedding gonna fly without a professionally choreographed dance by the bride and groom? Enter Hope, her fabulous dance outfits and maybe the first four steps of the waltz. As Eric spends more time with Hope, he begins to reconnect with his artsy side which does not bode well for his business dealings, uh we mean undying love, for fiancé Adriana. Turns out falling in love with your dance instructor is easy when she’s the only one willing to hang out with you for several days in a row and is getting paid to do it.

Heeeeyyyyy… Bringing you episode 18 of @happilyneverafter! Wanna watch a one more movie where Hallmark tries to convince us that Meghan Markle is full Caucasian? If so, then you are going to LOVE our recap of The Dater’s Handbook, starring the Duchess of Sussex herself! Cassandra Brand, self-made marketing exec and corporate business owner is, GASP, unlucky in love. After dating a string of men who find no value in carrying on meaningful conversations or attending family functions with her, Cass turns to The Dater’s Handbook to help seek out the man of her (most average and most boring) dreams. Her overbearing sister bullies her into rating the two guys she is currently dating, Robert – Kristoffer Polaha – and George – Jonathan Scarfe, against this super lame handbook that values reliability over “sparks”. After many obviously bad decisions, Cass tosses the dumb handbook in the trash, runs through a street fair of fake dragons and ends up with the right guy for her. BONUS! To truly cap off #Markleseason @thedoctorrobyn and @oneanddoneregan walk you through our thoughts on the Royal Wedding! Best episode EVER!

We are staying on this #Markle train with episode 17 of @happilyNEVERafter with My Summer Prince! When you’re a PR assistant with a dragonlady for a boss, the best thing you can really hope for is… No, not to find a new job with improved chances for upward mobility. You are simply hanging out waiting for a prince to whisk you away to his castle far, far away. Right… But anyway, Taylor Cole – Hallmark veteran, and Jack Turner – new to me, are riding this REO Speedwagon gravy train all the way back to the kingdom of Edgemere. First, though, Mandy Cooper, played by Cole, will need to wrangle this mischievous prince by waging some (painfully stupid) shenanigans of her own. While no one in real life would not have looked up the actual face of a world renown PR professional that they had hired to save their kingdom, Mandy manages to briefly steal the identity of her boss Dierdre, played by the famous Lauren Holly, so she can save him from Idaho town jail and “keep on loving” her summer prince.

Happily NEVER After is back with episode 16! What can I say about this movie? Sometimes you’re having a bad day, get a flat tire and a prince stops to help you change it. After that, at his sage Black valet’s chagrin, prince Nate excitedly volunteers to work (seemingly for free) at your family’s garden supply store AND gets you, a budding yet unexperienced landscape architect, a once in a lifetime gig redesigning the gardens of the hottest estate in town. Yes, people. This is where Susanna Truitt, played by Megan Park – nope, you don’t know her either – and Prince Nathaniel of Cambria, Jonathan Keltz – also unknown, find themselves at this point in their lives. As with any prince about to become king… of an entire country… he’s very reluctant about all of the responsibility, he’s never been in charge of his own life, blah blah whatever. @happilyneverafterpod will gladly take over. Anyway, they overcome a meddling, Cambria-splaining queen, ridiculous amounts of yard work and a shabby coronation to find this international love.