Happy Life

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Myrtle Alegado: Being newlyweds is an exciting time in the marriage journey but have you known some newly married friends who found out that they were expecting a wedding night or honeymoon baby soon after marriage too? We’re going to delve into that topic today as we launch season two, so stay tuned.

Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m Myrtle Alegado and I’ve been married to my husband Paul since 1999. And later, we’ll hear some Bible based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ.

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Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.

Myrtle Alegado: In Season One of Happy Life, we talked about adjustments as newlyweds and the transition from the big day to your new life as husband and wife. Imagine now that one of those adjustments also includes welcoming a baby. And today we have with us Thirdy and Bianca all the way from London. Their wedding was in April of 2021, so another pandemic wedding. Hi, Thirdy and Bianca, and thanks so much for joining us on Happy Life.

Thirdy Magsino: Hi Myrtle. Thank you for having us.

Bianca Magsino: Yeah, thank you for having us.

Myrtle Alegado: Well, how are you two doing over there in London?

Thirdy & Bianca Magsino: We’re good. We’re good.

Thirdy Magsino: A bit sleep deprived, but we’re good.

Myrtle Alegado: That’s to be expected. So can you tell us a little more about your wedding and you know, your life together immediately afterwards?

Thirdy Magsino: So we got married last year, April 29, 2021. We have been in a long distance relationship for a couple of years. So she lives in Hamburg, Germany. And the wedding was on the 29th of April. And shortly afterwards, maybe three days after, she left…

Bianca Magsino: I had to go back

Thirdy Magsino: To go back to Germany to fix some paperwork and to handle some government things for the wedding.

Myrtle Alegado: Wow. Like only 3 days?

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, it was, it was kind of bittersweet. It was like, from the high of the wedding. And then all of a sudden, like the sadness of saying goodbye straight away, like a few days after.

Myrtle Alegado: So you had your wedding, and then you went back to being kind of like an LDR [long distance relationship] couple .

Bianca Magsino: Yeah, yeah. But then it wasn’t for too long. Because Thirdy then came to Hamburg to stay with me in June, until August, which was nice. So we’ve got to spend some time in Hamburg as well before I finally moved to the UK in September 2021.

Thirdy Magsino: We always said, looking back, it’s not going to be long, but in the moment.

Bianca Magsino: In the moment, it always feels long.

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, well, that’s true. I mean, it was, what, four or five months. So it’s kind of significant, a third of the year or whatnot. So but you know, on our episode today, we’re talking about having a honeymoon baby or expecting a baby in your first year of marriage.

First of all, congratulations to both of you on the recent birth of your baby girl. So when was she born? And what’s her name?

Bianca Magsino: Thank you. She was born on the 19th of January 2022. And her name is…

Thirdy Magsino: Evie Grace Magsino.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, that’s so wonderful, you know, [as] first time parents you must be, as you said, sleep deprived, but at the same time, you’re probably ecstatic that she’s finally arrived.

But you know, when we were looking into discussing this topic, we found that there were pros and cons to becoming pregnant right away after the wedding. You know, for example, some pros are if you’re worried about having problems conceiving, you know, at least you’ll find out right away and you’ll have avoided the question many people ask right after you get married—you know, “When are you having kids? When are you having kids?!”

And on the other hand, some cons are that having a baby means a huge change in your life right away, which also means you won’t really have that time to adjust to one another during the newlywed phase. And also your friends might not be at the same stage as you or, you know, ready to have children of their own. So you might not be able to see your friends as much.

So why don’t you tell me about how you found out about your pregnancy, Bianca, and what it was like?

Bianca Magsino: So I found out when I was back in Germany. It was a month after when I was waiting for that “time of the month” to come. And it wasn’t coming, so I was like “Okay, maybe it’s time for me to actually check” because there is a possibility. And by the time I did check, well it turned out positive. So I was like, “oh, okay,” but maybe it does happen that sometimes it does test positive but you know, a false positive. So I waited another week and then I tested again and it turned out positive again. So I was like, “Okay, this is it. I’m guessing we’re pregnant.”

And yeah, you can really say it is a honeymoon baby because we weren’t really [together not long) after the wedding.

Myrtle Alegado: Literally a honeymoon baby, because if you left after three days…. [laughs]

Bianca Magsino: And then I waited a bit to tell Thirdy because I wanted to kind of surprise him in a special way and not just tell him on the phone, “Oh, we’re pregnant.” I ended up ordering something online. It was a baby romper that said, “I can’t wait to meet you, Daddy.” And I shipped it to his house. And yeah, I was on the phone when I told him to open the package. He thought it was, because I think it was almost close to our first ‘monthsary’. So 1 month after our…

Thirdy Magsino: Or, two months?

Bianca Magsino: Oh, two months. Yeah, he thought it was a monthsary wedding gift for him.

Thirdy Magsino: What’s this?

Bianca Magsino: And then, yeah, we were on a phone call, on a video call. And then I was like, “Oh, can you open this package?” And that’s how I told him.

Myrtle Alegado: So you were going through all of this, you know, alone by yourself, taking all these tests and whatnot. So wow, that must have been hard to kind of keep under wraps.

Bianca Magsino: It was. It was because we’re usually a couple that tells each other everything straight away. Like something small happens, I [would] already tell him. So it was really difficult for me to keep it a secret. I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret on purpose, but I just wanted to tell him in a nice memorable way. Yeah.

Thirdy Magsino: A special way.

Myrtle Aegado: So, Thirdy, why don’t you share, you know, your version of events on that call?

Thirdy Magsino: Honestly, because usually when she’s hiding something or you know trying to surprise me, there’s a bit of like, you know,

Bianca Magsino: You can kind of tell. 

Thirdy Magsino: Hmmm, something’s going on. But no, she was able to hide it and kind of surprise me fully. And yes, it was like our ‘monthsary’ wedding gift. I was like, “Oh sorry, I didn’t get you anything. And then she told me, “Okay, make sure you record yourself.” And I was on the phone, and then there was one phone recording and one phone on us together, on the video call together. Yeah, so it came in a little, small box. And all of a sudden I opened it and I could barely see it. All I saw was ‘Daddy.’ I was like, “What? What’s this?” I saw her laughing. “What’s this?” And then I lifted it up a bit.

And I was just speechless. Anyone that knows me, I’m never speechless. I talk a lot. I talk a lot, yeah. I could not speak, I was just … I could not… Just thinking about it now, yeah, it’s… for a good like 20 seconds. I was looking at her like and looking back [at it] and I was just like, stunned. And then she said…

Bianca Magsino: I had to speak for him to kind of realize what was happening. I said, “Oh, we’re pregnant.” And that’s when it kind of hit him, I think.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, because, you know, reading ‘I can’t wait to meet you Daddy,’ I was like, “Is this a joke?” Like, is this a joke or like for real? My mouth just dropped. I was… I can’t believe it. That was really like, it was an unbelievable moment. Like, my emotions [were] just like riled up and I just couldn’t think. I couldn’t process anything.  

Myrtle Alegado: So what were, you know, the other emotions that both of you experienced, finding out about the pregnancy?

Bianca Magsino: To be honest, we were not really planning to get pregnant straight away. But we were like, oh, maybe we can wait a year or so. We wanted to travel together and do things together after being in a long distance relationship for so long. But at the same time, we also said that if it happens, it’s God’s will and we will, of course, take it.

The only thing that was a bit difficult was being separated from Thirdy in the beginning, especially right after the wedding, and when I found out I wasn’t physically with him. By the time I was able to speak to him about it, it felt lighter. I wouldn’t call it a burden, but a kind of…

Thirdy Magsino: Like a relief.

Bianca Magsino: Yeah, relief of being able to talk to someone about it, instead of just having to keep it to yourself. It was very emotional, I think, also for Thirdy. He already said that he was quite speechless when he found out.

“Am I ready for this? Are we ready for this?” That’s what one of our concerns were. And then we were also thinking, “Oh, what if we’re not ready for this?” What if there’s …

Thirdy Magsino: And in the moment, while I was away, you were able to talk to your mom weren’t you? Like, after you told me, you were able to tell her as well, isn’t it?

Bianca Magsino: Oh, yeah, yeah, I told my mom after.  A week or two after, I was able to also talk to my mom. And I told her, “I’m pregnant.” She was happy. And that was also some emotional support that I needed and that she was able to give me. Not just my mom, but also my dad. By the time I told them, it just really felt like a big relief on my end, yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: So how many weeks did you keep it to yourself, Bianca?

Bianca Magsino: I’m not too sure [about] the weeks. Maybe around…

Thirdy Magsino: I think you said it was like two, three weeks wasn’t it?

Bianca Magsino: Yeah, after I waited for my cycle and it didn’t come. Oh no,  actually, by the time I found out, it was almost three weeks until I told Thirdy.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, it was almost a month.

Myrtle Alegado: Three weeks, okay, almost a month. Yeah, and it’s such a time where you really want to share it with your spouse, right? So, how did you feel during those times, Bianca, when you’re really trying to keep it a secret, but at the same time, you know, you want to share it? Were you feeling any loneliness, I guess, maybe?

Bianca Magsino: In a way, you can kind of call it loneliness, because, like we said, we share everything. We don’t keep any, we usually don’t keep any secrets from each other. So I really, it’s because it’s also such a big thing. And I wasn’t expecting it. And by the time I saw this positive test, I was like, the first thing that popped into my head was I want to talk to Thirdy about it. I want to share this, because it’s going to be our baby. And keeping it from him, yeah, it kind of made me feel a bit lonely. Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: Thirdy, you know, what else went through your mind after she finally told you, and you were able to visit her in Hamburg too, right?

Thirdy Magsino: It’s crazy, because you’re so overwhelmed by emotions, knowing that you’re about to have a kid. And then when you are there in the doctor’s [office], and you hear the heartbeat for the first time…

Bianca Magsino: It’s a completely different thing.

Thirdy Magsino: It’s something else.

Bianca Magsino: Like you know about the baby, but then when you hear the heartbeat. Yeah.

Thirdy Magsino: It’s a living being that’s inside you.

Bianca Magsino: That’s when it feels even more real.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: I think a lot of parents feel that way where, I mean you know you’re pregnant. But the first time that you hear the heartbeat, it’s like, oh wow. There’s a living being inside you.

Bianca Magsino: Yeah.

Thirdy Magsino: The progression from a little kind of seed to… It’s crazy, those early days, because we just got married. And now we’re expecting a baby. So we’re adjusting to a lot of things.

Bianca Magsino: When it comes to marriage, and then we have another thing to cope with…

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah.

Bianca Magsino: which is pregnancy and parenthood.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, it’s a lot to wrap your head around. But hearing the heartbeat for the first time was really, it’s difficult to describe. You really can’t describe it in terms of— that’s your baby. That’s me and you, you know.

Myrtle Alegado: So if you can kind of share, you know, how did you manage all of your emotions? You said there was like a whole jumble of emotions so I’m expecting, you know, fear, happiness, excitement. I guess all of those kinds of things?

Thirdy Magsino: It’s a lot. It’s, honestly, [there are] so many things that [run] through your mind, not just in the moment but especially afterwards when you just think, you know, you’re going to be a dad, you’re going to have to help provide, you’re going to have to lead the family, you’re going to have to be a supportive husband, you know. There’s so many things. It’s like you’re scared and happy and kind of like, “How do I do this?” It’s just a lot. It’s just …

Bianca Magsino: Because it’s something you haven’t experienced before.

Thirdy Magsino: Being in charge of someone, like, as they grow up, is something else. It’s completely different to anything that we’ve ever… It feels like we’re not qualified for it, if that makes sense. It’s like, we skipped step three to ten. And then we went straight to it. Like okay, here’s a baby. And that’s, for us, that was just kind of like the overwhelming thing I think, isn’t it?

We’d like to say we’re still relatively young. Some people would laugh, like, some of our younger friends would laugh at that. We’d like to say that we’re relatively young, and it feels like, “We’re allowed to have kids this young?” Because we don’t feel like we’re parents, you know? Yeah, it doesn’t feel like…

Bianca Magsino: We barely felt like Buklod [the group of married brethren of the Church Of Christ within the Christian Family Organizations/CFO].

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, we barely felt like a married couple.

Myrtle Alegado: Right, yeah. I mean, definitely unchartered territory that you’re navigating through, right?

So just how do you deal with a great blessing that is, you know, at the same time, a little bit stressful, and thrusts you into uncertainty or the unknown? I’m looking forward to hearing what the Bible has to say. Here with us again on Happy Life Is Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ.

Hi there, Brother Felmar, and welcome back to Happy Life, as we start this new season.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hello there, everyone. Hello to the Happy Life team. Hello to you, Myrtle. And [it’s] so good that we could all get back together again like this for season two of the podcast. And to start us off, we have Thirdy and Bianca joining us for episode one of season two. And very glad to have you both and congratulations again on your newborn.

Thirdy Magsino: Hi, Brother Felmar. Thank you so much.

Bianca Magsino: Hello.

Brother Felmar Serreno: So, I would first like to respond, at this time, to what was mentioned earlier about the “viewed” pros and cons on becoming pregnant right after getting married. Now, we are not saying here that it is wrong to have an opinion on the matter, or that you should absolutely reject any suggestion that others may give you about getting pregnant in your first year or so of marriage.

But there is a biblical truth to remember when planning, or not, to have a child or when to have a child and how many, in fact. What should we remember? Let me quote for everyone what is written here in the book of Proverbs, chapter 19, verse 21, in the New International Version, the Bible says:

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

[Proverbs 19:21 New International Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: This is what we should never lose sight of. While we do have the opportunity to make plans, and hear suggestions and weigh the supposed pros and cons of getting pregnant, in the end, in spite of all of our efforts, “it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” So for example, a married couple decides that they do want children right after the wedding. However, it’s not happening. Well, God has a purpose for that. It could be the opposite—husband and wife do not want a honeymoon baby. Rather, they want a couple years first to themselves. They do not want to become parents right away. But that’s not what happens. They do become pregnant sooner than planned. Well, God has a purpose for that, too. And if I’m not mistaken, if I heard it right earlier, for yourselves, Thirdy and Bianca, you kind of wanted some time first to yourselves, huh, before becoming parents. Am I right?

Thirdy Magsino: Yes, Brother Felmar. We have been in a long distance relationship for so long. So we were like, okay, let’s take this time to, to…

Bianca Magsino: Just enjoy.

Thirdy Magsino: Enjoy our alone time, travel the world.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Well, there you go. A perfect example to what was just mentioned. What ended up happening in reality is different from what they had planned. But the point is, what ends up happening, God has a purpose for that. And when God’s purpose does begin to unfold before us, what do we need to do? We’ll stay here in the book of Proverbs, chapter 3 this time though. We’ll go and read verses five to six. Here in the Message translation, the Bible teaches:

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track.

[Proverbs 3:5-6 The Message]

Brother Felmar Serreno: When God’s purpose starts to unfold before us, what do we need to do? We need to trust Him. How should we trust God? The Bible states, “from the bottom of your heart.” What else does the Bible mean when it teaches us to trust God? “Don’t try to figure out everything on your own,” the Bible says. So in the case of newlyweds having a baby right away, or not—whatever the outcome, we ought to recognize that that is God’s purpose. That’s His plan for us, and we must trust Him, even if what ended up happening is different from what we originally hoped or planned.

But maybe some are thinking right now, and maybe it’s something that has crossed your mind, Thirdy and Bianca—how can you be sure that you will succeed down this path that God has purposed for you, when originally that’s not what you had planned? So, how can you be sure that you will succeed on something that you originally didn’t plan? That’s why the Bible stated, right, “Listen for God’s voice in everything you do. He’s the one who will keep you on track.”

So it may be something different from what was originally planned. But if we’re listening to God’s voice, He will teach us how to adapt. He will teach us how to get through it, to be successful down this path that He has purposed for us. “Listening for God’s voice,” what is the equivalent of that? If we read the same verse, in the New King James Version, it’s equivalent to acknowledging or recognizing God. And Thirdy, if I can ask you very quickly, what is one way that we prove to God that we do acknowledge or recognize Him?

Thirdy Magsino: Brother Felmar, one way we recognize God is by praying to Him at all times.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Correct, exactly—prayer. So devotional prayer is crucial, especially if you are pregnant and expecting an additional member of the family. We need the Lord God to continue to guide our every decision we make for the well-being and security of our family. And what should we never forget about raising a family? Let me read for you from I Timothy, this time chapter 5, verse 8, here in the Revised Standard Version:

If any one does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his own family, he has disowned the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

[I Timothy 5:8 Revised Standard Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Based on this biblical truth, the Lord God holds parents responsible to provide for their own family. Thus, what are some guiding questions to consider when you’re expecting a child, particularly if this is your first child?

So, here are some guiding questions. Number one: have my spouse and I worked out a plan for our finances? I’ll say it again. Have my spouse and I worked out a plan for our finances? So what are things to consider? Hospital bills, present and upcoming gas bills for all of those back and forth checkups, budget for diapers, baby wipes, baby clothes, baby bottles, you know, everything baby, right?

For yourselves, Thirdy and Bianca, praise be to God your daughter has already been born, right. But prior to, did you also experience, you know, these bills and expenses just, you know, coming left and right?

Thirdy Magsino: Yes, Brother Felmar. Well, here in the UK, it’s not too much of a problem regarding hospital bills, but one thing that we had to consider is the baby room. Like it’s a lot. It’s a lot to consider. We never expected it to be that much actually.

Brother Felmar Serreno: And going into it, Bianca, did you talk with Thirdy? Like, did you work out a plan? Was it helpful to have a plan going into this?

Bianca Magsino: We weren’t sure what to expect. We did end up talking about it. In our situation, Thirdy is responsible for the finances, so I leave it all up to him.

Brother Felmar Serreno: I see. Okay, well, if that is how you communicated with each other for your situation, then that works as well, right? It’s important that husband and wife communicate.

The point is though this is a guiding question, generally speaking, for everyone who’s going into pregnancy, expecting a child, especially if it’s their first one. It does help to be prepared by having a plan for those expenses or financial concerns.

Brother Felmar Serreno: All right, so here’s another guiding question for those who are expecting a child. Have my spouse and I worked out a plan for household chores and other important routine activities? Obviously, as the pregnancy progresses, there are many things your respective wife will not be able to do. And that includes also after the baby has been born. So, husbands out there who are expecting a child, or your wife is currently pregnant, or has recently given birth, right, we really need to brace ourselves. Because as a loving and responsible husband, you will take on most, if not all, of the housework, while earning a living, and while tending to your wife and your unborn child or newborn child, as the case may be.

So, you know side note, you are really fortunate and express your gratitude if your parents and relatives are around and they’re willing to help, right? But with or without that extra help, husband and wife ought to work out a plan for things like doing the laundry, taking out the trash, staying on top of important dates like paying the rent on time. You don’t want to forget that, right? What else? Renewing things like your car insurance. But as members of the Church Of Christ, above all, let’s stay on top of our spiritual obligations and deadlines, such as preparing for the worship service ahead of time, marking our calendar for the upcoming committee prayer meetings or CFO (Christian Family Organization) activities, setting aside for our Thanksgiving, finding ways to attend Bible studies and share our faith.

So regardless of how busy life gets, we must never lose sight of accomplishing these Bible-based doctrines of ours, and all the others. Why? Because even more important than providing the material is providing the spiritual needs of our family. And what does it mean to God when that is the order of our priorities? It means that we do trust Him with all of our heart. And for that, what will God do for us again? He will keep us on the right track.

Myrtle Alegado: Thank you, Brother Felmar, for joining us again here on Happy Life and for sharing the biblical advice that always provides us with insight and clarity, and also for those probing questions to really help expectant parents to prepare. Now before you go, Bianca and Thirdy, do you have anything further you’d like to ask?

Thirdy Magsino: Yes, Myrtle. We were wondering, Brother Felmar, we’d just like some advice on balancing our relationship on being new parents.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Ah, okay, okay. Married life is an adjustment. Having a child is an adjustment in itself, right. So all of these adjustments happening, which is why to answer your question, we did the series on communication in season one, because to maintain that balance and harmony within the relationship of a married couple—communication is huge. Communication is big. So, hopefully you can have a chance to review those episodes. And in those episodes, we hear from married couples, their experiences and what helped them, as well as, again, Bible-based advice, right? Because nothing beats Bible-based advice—God’s counsel, His guidance—so that our marriage will work and will be harmonious, and we’ll have that balance, like you said, every day.

In that series on communication, we touched topics like how do you handle disagreements, expectations, [and] making decisions. So those things and more were discussed in season one, so I’m not going to, you know, go over everything right now all over again. It would take a lot of time up. The point is—communication is big.

And just as a side note to that, in my humble opinion and based on experience, and also working with other married couples, you know, sometimes the imbalance in the relationship, sometimes it stems from something as simple as you just both need a break. Sometimes it’s as simple as that—you just both need a break. So, as a side note, a suggestion would be [to] try to have an outlet. Try to have an outlet, a personal outlet, and an outlet that you do together as husband and wife.

Like for others, you know, the personal outlet of the husband could be, you know, just having time alone to read a book at a coffee shop, you know, just to reset the stress levels, you know, kind of to do that. Or for the wife, it could be, you know, to take a brisk walk around the neighborhood, right? Get some fresh air in your lungs.

And an outlet that can be done together is to maybe watch a movie together, right, have a good laugh, you know, just to get your mind off of things. Again, reset those stress levels and then go back together again, you know, to tackle the problems of life, right. But again, that’s just something on the side that, you know, we can share. Number one, always, is the Bible-based guidance we receive, communicating with God. We also touched on those things in season one on that series on communication. So hopefully, does that answer your question, Thirdy and Bianca?

Thirdy Magsino: Yes, Brother Felmar. Thank you so much.

Brother Felmar Serreno: If you don’t mind me asking, do you have something like that, like an outlet that you do, together?

Thirdy Magsino: We used to watch movies together, Brother Felmar. We used to have like this little tiny projector screen and used to try and project on the screen, on the wall of our bed. But right now, we haven’t had the chance to have any [time] I think.

Bianca Magsino: The focus is on the baby, right now.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, the only time we’ve ever had any relaxed time is just walking around the house, in the garden or something.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Well, that’s the thing. At least you have that right? You know, because the way I see it, if you don’t make kind of like the extra effort to pinpoint, you know, just really set it in stone—on this day, at this time, we’re going to unwind. You know, let’s get some time for ourselves, let’s get a break, reset, so that we can keep going, right? So, yeah, it helps to have an outlet. So thanks for sharing that as well, and hopefully it’s of help too, to all the listeners out there.

Myrtle Alegado: Thanks again, Brother Felmar, and we’ll see you next time on Happy Life.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Thank you, everybody. Bye for now.

Myrtle Alegado: So, Thirdy and Bianca, if I can just add my two cents to a little bit of advice on  maybe finding that balance. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Everybody needs help. So if you’re fortunate enough to have family and friends who are willing to maybe watch the baby for an hour, take the time to have that quality time together so that you can continue to build on your own relationship while you also adjust to becoming new parents.

Thirdy Magsino: To be honest, that is one of our difficulties I think, to reach out for help. There’s so many people offering their advice right now, but we’re still yet to take their offer. We’re trying.

Bianca Magsino: We’re trying, yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: I know it’s hard. It’s hard to let go because, you know, she is your first baby and you’re new parents.

Thirdy Magsino: Yes, we were fortunate enough to have our family help us in…

Bianca Magsino: The first couple of weeks.

Thirdy Magsino: Yes. Her family actually came here a few weeks ago to help with the baby and to meet their grandkids, which was really beautiful, beautiful memories.

Myrtle Alegado: So, Thirdy, you know when we chatted before you said when you first heard the news during that video call, you asked Bianca to pray together. Can you share what your prayer was about?

Thirdy Magsino: Yes. It was really unexpected, like what we mentioned earlier. So, the prayer was mainly just from the heart. We’re just so thankful, we’re so thankful. It was a prayer of thanks and a prayer to ask for help, for the solution, you know, because we don’t know how to be good parents. But through prayers, we always ask [to] help us to be a good example, to give us the solutions. Because in the prayer, I said something along the lines of we know that this is a blessing, but we know that there’ll be many tests that we’ll encounter along the way. But whatever the tests may be, help us to pass them. Help us to overcome them and to learn from those tests.

Yes, having a baby, for us, is really, really an amazing thing. But we’re overthinkers, both of us, and we worry a lot. You know, that’s one thing that we would like to improve in ourselves. But that’s one thing that I mentioned in the prayer [to] help us to always be thankful, no matter the situation, circumstance. And even until now we pray for the same things.

Bianca Magsino: Always with a thankful heart.

Thirdy Magsino: Always, no matter [the] difficulty, no matter the circumstance. I think that’s a difficult thing, just having a positive outlook in any situation. Because right now, currently—praise be to God—the baby, Evie, is perfectly healthy and we’re thankful. It was just overwhelming thanks and just non-stop crying.

Bianca Magsino: It’s a blessing.

Myrtle Alegado: Aww, well you know thank you for sharing all that with us. But you know, what are your biggest worries as you dive into parenthood, and how has the adjustment been to this new chapter in your life?

Bianca Magsino: In the beginning, it was or still is very scary. Because, yeah, we’re first time parents, we haven’t experienced this before. We don’t know how to raise a child. We don’t know how to, yeah, just take care of her, do things. I mean, you can only read as much online about how to parent but at the end of the day, you have to figure it out on your own, like how to be able to take care of this baby, or of Evie. And of course, with prayer, that’s really one of the things that is helping us the most on how to be able to cope with everything that we’re experiencing right now. But yeah, it’s just crazy. Because when you think about it, you have to… this isn’t just like a one month thing and then you can kind of say, “Okay, I don’t want this anymore.” But you have to raise this child until they’re old enough to be able to stand on their own.

Thirdy Magsino: Even after.

Bianca Magsino: Or even after. Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah. I mean, I don’t think it stops honestly. Yeah, there’s no handbook that says, “Okay, at this stage you do this, at this stage you do this, right? You’re always learning as well, right? Because when they become parents, I think you still continue to parent your own children.

Bianca Magsino: Yeah, yeah. We can tell from our parents.

Myrtle Alegado: So you know, how do you get past all the worries and the fears that you have?

Thirdy Magsino: Just a matter of accepting what’s been given to us, good and bad. So whatever God’s plan is for us, it helps us get past the worries and fears I guess. Because if you kind of go against it, if you’re really negative towards a certain situation, it kind of feeds into the worry and fear even more.

Bianca Magsino: It makes it worse.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, it makes it a lot worse, rather than if you just accept it in the moment, it makes it better and you know that you’re following God’s plan. And that’s what we continue to pray for, to have that characteristic—to help us to follow whatever His plan may be for us, whatever it may be. And because at the end of the day, God always knows what’s best for us. He’s always given us and allowed us to have the best in this life. Whatever it might be, it’s always been for the best.

Bianca Magsino: And it’s also easier to manage those day-to-day challenges we experience when we have this positive outlook.

Thirdy Magsino: Yes, yes, we do that everyday now. We, at the end of the day, we try to [ask] “what three things are you most grateful for today?” Even if it’s a small thing, like, oh, we got to eat lunch together.

Bianca Magsino: We were able to take a nap.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, those simple little things really are, you get to appreciate [them] even more.

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, no, those are great. You know, that’s a great mindset, and to be able to have those affirmations at the end of the day, it changes how you look at things in a more positive light. What are your hopes, and what are you looking forward to now?

Bianca Magsino: We are looking forward to seeing how she will develop her own personality. We kind of see some of our own traits in her. Like it’s the small things, like the way she sleeps, for example. She has some favorite positions that kind of remind me of Thirdy’s sleeping positions, and that’s kind of cute to see, like she really is a mix of the two of us. And we’re excited to also see her grow even more.

Thirdy Magsino: Yeah. Also another thing for us is we’re really excited for her to be an active member of the Church, you know, for her to be strong in the faith.

Bianca Magsino: Definitely.

Thirdy Magsino: For us that’s going to be one of the main things that really, we’re so excited to see, to perform [our church duties] with her. Imagine that, the first time she’s in the choir loft, or you know, whatever her duty will be in the future, and all of us are performing together. That’s the goal.

Bianca Magsino: That’s the dream.

Thirdy Magsino: That’s the dream. That’s the dream.

Myrtle Alegado: Well, I’m sure, you know, with all of your prayers and the support system you have in your family and friends, I have no doubt you two will be great parents. So, you know, congratulations again, and thank you for sharing your experiences and your emotions that you went through here with us on Happy Life.

Thirdy Magsino: Thank you so much, Myrtle.

Bianca Magsino: Thank you.

Thirdy Magsino: Thank you so much for talking to us and having us.

Bianca Magsino: Yeah, that was really nice.

Myrtle Alegado: Well give a little Evie hug from Auntie Myrtle.

Thirdy Magsino: We will, after she wakes up.

Bianca Magsino: Will do, after she wakes up.

Myrtle Alegado: Becoming parents in the first year of marriage sounds daunting, but we hope the discussion that we had today provided some comfort for those newlyweds who are currently expecting. Remember to lean on your friends and family and most of all, trust God.

And that brings us to the end of our episode for today. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit incmedia.org. And if you’d like to say hi, send us a question or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @happylife.podcast.

Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know.

Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessing of marriage.

[Show closes]

[trailer opens]

Myrtle Alegado: Being newlyweds, it’s a time filled with excitement and anticipation. After all, you’re not exactly sure what to expect in this new adventure of yours, right?

[Soundbites from episodes]

Thirdy Magsino: You’re so overwhelmed by emotions, knowing that you’re about to have a kid.

Bianca Magsino: We’re first time parents, we haven’t experienced this before.

Alyssa Agana: Once we became homeowners, all I could think about was the mortgage. And with being married, it’s not just my money. I’m sharing that money with my spouse.

Chris Agana: God has definitely blessed us with amazing opportunities and has helped us financially.

Darryl San Pedro: We always find some kind of solution or compromise.

Jasmine San Pedro: Having a shared interest, it helps you work on yourself and your relationship at the same time.

Myrtle Alegado: I’m Myrtle Alegado, host of the Happy Life podcast produced by INC Media Audio. Please come along for the journey in season 2, as we continue talking to newly married couples about their challenges and struggles, and find out just how they overcame them. 

Stay tuned, and find us on the INC Media mobile app, Google podcast & Apple podcast.

[trailer closes]

Benefits of Putting God First in Marriage

[Show opens]

Myrtle Alegado:

When you get married as newlyweds, you have goals, right, that you want to accomplish, whether they be advancing in your career or buying a home, traveling or even starting a family. In this episode, we’re going to talk to a newlywed couple who has seen the benefits of putting God first in their marriage.

Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m Myrtle Alegado and I’ve been married to my husband Paul since 1999.

[Show catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.

Myrtle Alegado: According to verywellmind.com, a top priority for newlyweds should be keeping the romance alive as mentioned in Dr. Houston’s study. Other than that, during the first year of marriage, couples need to settle many things, including how to allocate and handle money.

On lifehack.org, they said that goals will help your marriage to thrive, and a couple of things to prioritize our financial goals, goals for your relationship as well as family health goals.

The newlyweds I’d like to introduce you all to are Christine and Marc, all the way from Sydney, Australia. Christine is a friend of mine and my colleague at INC Media. Good day, Marc and Christine, how are things in the Land of Oz?

Christine Afenir: Hi, Myrtle.

Marc Afenir: Good day, Myrtle. I’m loving the Aussie accent there. Well done.

Myrtle Alegado: I’m so glad I thought you were going to cringe and say how horrible because, you know, I’m really bad at accents. But I thought I’d give it a shot.

Marc Afenir: Let’s just say that it’s good that you’re not recording video right now.

Myrtle Alegado:  I cry, I cry. Well, how are you both doing? You know, down there, I think the weather is opposite from here in North America. Right?

Marc Afenir: It is actually. It’s winter here right now. So you know everything in Australia being upside down compared to the northern hemisphere. So whatever you have, we have in reverse so yeah, but we’re doing well. And we’re keeping warm during lockdown so.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, still in lockdown. Wow. Okay. Well, glad to hear you’re doing well. For those who don’t know you, would you mind sharing a little bit about how you two met?

Christine Avenir: So, funny story. We actually met at the KADIWA formal, a Church event that was happening in London in 2008. We actually didn’t interact with each other. We were there with kind of our own friends. And yeah, Marc traveled all the way from Australia to be there as well.

Marc Afenir: Yeah, that was also a very last minute trip for me. So I was working full time at an ad agency and kind of asked my boss who was also from the UK. And I think that kind of helped me get over the line to get my leave approved. But I told her I was going to London for about a week. 

And we met there, but we didn’t really talk. So that was like she said back in 2008. So, it was close to a decade later that we started talking to each other. Like we’ve heard of each other, because we’ve worked in media. So Christine’s been in INC Media since I think 2011 and I started around that time helping the bureau here in Sydney. She was in San Francisco. I’ve heard her name thrown around, be it she was a producer for some shows. But it wasn’t until, like, 2017 that we started messaging each other. 

Myrtle Alegado: Did you actually meet at that formal or you just found out later that you were both there at the same time?

Marc Afenir: So for Christine, she kind of knew who were at the table. But I was, I kind of have a very long memory so…

Christine Afenir: Full disclosure, I didn’t know his name. I think I remembered later on, that somebody from Australia was there. There was only one person from Australia there. So when that was mentioned, I was like, oh, that guy. I think we only were conscious of each other’s existence afterwards.

Myrtle Alegado: And I know you kind of touched on it, Christine, but let me just explain that KADIWA is the Christian Family Organization for those 18 [years old] and up who are unmarried inside the Church Of Christ. So the formal in London was organized for that group, which is really neat that they had those kinds of events for the youth to be able to meet each other.

Marc Afenir: Yeah. And you had basically a lot of people from all over Europe. It was a European KADIWA formal but you know, I think…

Christine Afenir: We crashed.

Marc Afenir: Yeah, we crashed. There were people all over the world who found out about it and they thought, oh, cool, great opportunity to be in London and meet all these other single people in the Church, so why not? And even had one crazy Aussie there who traveled 24 hours by plane just to be there for a week.

Myrtle Alegado: That’s how long it takes to fly to London, 24 hours?

Marc Afenir: Oh yeah, a good 24 hours.

Myrtle Alegado: Wow, I had no idea. So Christine, obviously your relationship progressed, and the two of you got married in April of 2019. We heard on what some couples prioritize in their marriage. Can you tell me what it was like to plan your wedding while being across the globe from each other? You know, what was important to you both to put first?

Christine Afenir: I think we really experienced the true definition of long distance. Because usually, long distance like you’re in another state, in the United States, or, you know, a different time zone. He was in a different country, in a different hemisphere. Like it was very hard to find a common time where we were both awake, and conscious to even talk to each other. So to plan a wedding. You know, I have family in the United States, we have family in the Philippines. He has family in Germany, he has family in Australia.

So we were trying to find a place—a place to have the wedding but also, you know, the discussion came to where are we going to go, to live our life as a married couple. But it wasn’t that hard, because he knew that God comes first. And I work for the Church in INC Media. We both wanted to wait for word whether I could continue my duty in Australia. And if that was the case, then we’d move there. But if not, then Marc would move to San Francisco, where INC Media Headquarters is.  I think it was a difficult conversation, but it was an easy conversation, because we both knew that God came first. I’m very happy that he didn’t make it any harder than it had to be.

Marc Afenir: I think that’s the constant in our relationship. It’s your guiding light when you come to some very, very difficult decisions. When you look at mine and Christine’s case, there’s a lot of things that we needed to decide on, you know. I had a career going on here in Sydney. So, do we move to San Francisco, or do we stay here in Sydney, or things like that. Even the wedding, at some point we even decided to have it at San Francisco or even Germany, because our family was all over the world. Like I mentioned before, when you have that guiding light, when you’re both reliant on how God steers you, it makes things easier.

Christine Afenir: Oh yeah, the answers are there.

Marc Afenir: Yeah, the answers are there for you. You really do have to trust the process. To any ordinary person, this might look difficult, but when you have God on your side, when you put God as the priority, and when you have that trust, then things fall into place. It was remarkable seeing things just fall into place.

Myrtle Alegado: So you said when you have that guiding light, everything else, you know, flows and kind of comes easily after that. So how did you put your trust in God with this experience with making your decisions and where you were going to move to and where you were even going to have the wedding?

Marc Afenir: Well, most importantly, in order to have that guidance by God, you need to ask God through prayer. Members of the Church Of Christ, we’re encouraged to pray and to have that relationship with God.

Just even at the start of our relationship, I suggested to Christine, “Okay, look, there’s just a lot of things that we need to figure out right now. How about we hold devotional prayers together?” So, basically just having those devotional prayers, it’s a challenge for us, because normally you’d be together physically and be inside the place of worship, you know, in a chapel, you’re kneeling down and you’re praying together. But for us, the challenge was that, you know, we’re like,  what 7000 kilometers apart, and there’s also the time zone difference.

Myrtle Alegado: And how many hours was that time difference between Sydney and San Francisco?

Marc Afenir: So how many hours is that? Like okay so…

Christine Afenir: I think seventeen.

Marc Afenir: So Christine would be finishing up her workday, and I would be starting mine. So I’d be scrambling to get to work. So yeah, we just had to come up with a schedule that suited us. So one of us would be bleary eyed, you know, waking really early in the morning.

Christine Afenir: I lost a lot of sleep at the beginning of our relationship. I think both of us did.

Marc Afenir: Yeah, we really wanted to make it work. I think that if we didn’t have these devotional prayers, we’d just be left just trying to figure things out for ourselves, and that would have been extremely difficult.

Christine Afenir: We hear about a lot of, like, long distance relationships where they don’t last and a lot of people don’t recommend it. But I think when Marc, early on when we were talking, when he suggested the devotional prayer, I was actually surprised—pleasantly surprised. Like, “Oh, okay!” Because it’s a big commitment, especially for our time difference. But it also let me know, like, he was serious. This wasn’t just, let’s just talk and see where it goes. I think he wanted it to go somewhere. So that was nice.

Myrtle Alegado: So Marc I know when we actually chatted previously, we were talking about how similarly your childhood mimicked Christine’s. Can you talk a little bit more about that?

Marc Afenir: Sure. So, our childhoods were remarkably similar. So just in terms of how our parents moved to another country, and also how our parents were officers in the Church Of Christ. So growing up, that’s always been an important, an integral, part of our families. The way that we were raised, it’s always been about putting duty first in the Church.

Remarkably, both our fathers were head deacons in the Church. So head deacons being, I suppose, leaders in their respective local [congregation], the leaders in the Church, elders in the Church who would help [in] looking after their respective locals. And  even that, in itself, is incredibly similar. You know, Christine’s dad was a head deacon for a local that just started, so they were a pioneer family. It was the same as mine. From a very early age, Christine growing up in New Jersey and me in Sydney, you know half a world apart, we were experiencing pretty much the same thing, you know, at the same age.

Christine Afenir: And the more we talked, the more we got to know each other. You know, we would ask how we grew up and being in the same Church, even though we were in different countries and different hemispheres, you know, there [were] the same activities. So we would talk about choir days, where the whole entire local congregation would dress up and perform a song. And we even performed some of the same songs.

And we experienced the same things in the Church Of Christ. Like we were both Children’s Worship Service officers, or what people call Sunday school, so we were leading the children. So we had the same, I want to say passions but the same, concern.

Marc Afenir: What’s great about it is that our values were aligned. We agreed on certain things, and we knew for a fact that if we were to raise a family we would want to raise them in a very similar fashion.

Myrtle Alegado: Well, it’s so awesome that Marc did say that you had, you know, such similar values. Finding somebody who has the same values as you, that just comforts you, to find that person that, you know, I guess was meant for you. So that’s really, really awesome.

So I’m gonna go back to you, Christine. You and I knew each other when we both lived in Toronto, I’m thinking around 2005 maybe, and I remember when you were going to school there. Where did life take you, you know, after you left Canada?

Christine Afenir: When we met, I was accepted into Sheridan College’s program: Advanced Television and Film. So that was fun. That was my first long stay in Canada. I had gotten my bachelor’s in Film Studies at the Barnard College of Columbia University in New York. And I wanted to upskill so I can, you know, further my career. After Canada, after Sheridan College, I went back home looking for jobs.

And my mom and dad really supported me in my dream in this, you know, to do film, to be in the industry. And she was pulling connections. She was just like, “Oh, you know, I know someone in the Philippines whose son is a director. I think you should go there and intern.” So after Canada, I ended up in the Philippines. Yeah, I was shadowing a director, I think in one of the, one of his shows that they were shooting.  But there was a lot of downtime, and I’m just not the type to just sit around. It’s different if you’re there for vacation, but I was not there for a vacation. So I kind of started feeling guilty. So I messaged Sister Aliw from, back then it was INCTV Bureau, but now INC Media, and I just asked, “Is there any way I can volunteer and help in the TV production here for the Church?” Because I was also helping in New Jersey, so I just wanted to see if I could do that in the Philippines. And so I was able to help. I interned, I volunteered and I kind of followed around the team that was filming for one of the shows.

And I just, I fell in love with it. It was just so nice to kind of merge my love for God and my passion for film and creating content. When I returned back to America, when I returned back to New Jersey, it was great timing because Brother Eduardo [V. Manalo-INC Executive Minister] was doing his first pastoral visit in the United States. And so the team from INC Media, from headquarters, was also filming. I got to meet Sister Aliw again and the team, and I asked them, “is there a way I can help here, help in the United States [in] the Church media arm?” And I thought I was going to wait for a couple years for an answer, but it came within two months. I was like, “Oh, okay, so.”

And that was a big move. I had a devotional prayer, I had to pray because that would be me picking up my life from New Jersey and moving to California. Like, I didn’t know where I was going to stay, I didn’t know, you know, where I was gonna live, I didn’t know how this was going to work—so I just prayed. And I said, “God, if this is for me, things will fall into place.” I’ll know how to get there to be able to work with INC Media there in California.

And sure enough, I was able to get an affordable ticket to go to California. One of my friends hooked me up. They called me and they were like, “Oh, you’re going to stay with this person.” So I already had a place to stay. So things were just falling into place and I was just like, “Okay!”

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, sounds like it!

Christine Afenir: So I was like, “Okay, I guess God’s telling me to go.”

Myrtle Alegado: So, your mom’s plans for you to become the big time director kind of paved the way for God’s plans for you to work in the media arm of the Church.

Christine Afenir: She was very surprised when I came back from the Philippines and that’s what I said I was planning to do.

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah well, you know, when they say God’s plans are the best plans, so sometimes we don’t even know what the plans are. And we just kind of go along with what the journey is, right, that He lays out for us, that He’s steering us in. What an awesome story though.

But I’d like to hear more on what the Bible has to say about this topic. Just how can we benefit in our lives by putting God first? Let’s welcome back Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ.

Hi there, Brother Felmar, thanks for being here with us again on Happy Life.

Brother Felmar: Hello, everybody. Great to be back here on Happy Life with all of you. Let’s get right into it. So how do we benefit when we put the Lord God first in our life? Let’s read what the Bible says here in the Book of Psalms, chapter 37, verses 4 to 7, and we’ll quote it from the Good News Bible.

Seek your happiness in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desire. Give yourself to the LORD; trust in him and he will help you; he will make your righteousness shine like the noonday sun. Be patient and wait for the LORD to act; don’t be worried about those who prosper or those who succeed in their evil plans.

[Psalms 37:4-7 Good News Bible]

Brother Felmar: Praise be to the Lord God that Marc and Christine are wonderful examples of putting God first in their life. We heard earlier from their experiences that in their education, work, personal commitments, during their courtship, and even more so now that they are married, God has always been at the center of their life and God has always been their priority. The result? God has rewarded them with their “heart’s desire,” like the Bible says. Or as Christine put it earlier, everything fell into place.

However, we should understand that making God our priority does not mean that life will be without challenges. That’s why the Bible clearly taught in the verses we read, “Be patient and wait for the LORD to act.”

So what does this mean? It means that there are times we will need to be patient, and we will really need to wait for God to set things in motion for us and answer our prayers completely. Sometimes the full answer to our prayers may not be meant to take place in a week’s time, or a month’s time, or even several years. And all that waiting is very challenging! Yet, what did the Bible tell us? “Be patient and wait for the LORD to act.” Therefore, putting God first also means putting His plan above ours—waiting for Him to act for us, instead of us, because of our impatience, taking things into our own hands. Remember the Bible’s guarantee: if we remain patient God will act for us.

What else does putting God first entail? The Bible mentioned, “don’t be worried about those who prosper or those who succeed in their evil plans.” So even if all the while we are living righteously, putting God first, waiting for Him to answer our prayers, and there will be others around us who are progressing—and to them it looks as if we are not progressing—still we must maintain God as our priority. So, not giving up on our duties in the Church; continuing devotedly in worship service; in giving our generous offerings; in loving the brotherhood; continuing in unity with the Church Administration in all Church activities, especially in sharing our faith or missionary work.

We must not turn our back on these and the rest of God’s commandments that we uphold in the Church Of Christ, even when God has not yet fully answered our prayers. Why? Because then, we will have proven that God truly is our priority and happiness, no matter what. Because, it is not just the answer to our prayers that makes us happy but it is God Himself and serving Him—that is our true happiness.

When we live this way, what is the sure promise that will be fulfilled in our life? The Bible stated,

“Seek your happiness in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desire. Give yourself to the LORD; trust in him and he will help you; he will make your righteousness shine like the noonday sun.”

Myrtle Alegado: I’m not sure how many newlywed couples consciously decide to put God at the center of their lives, but this wonderful biblical advice has definitely provided clarity. We really appreciate you joining us again, Brother Felmar, here on Happy Life.

Brother Felmar: Thank you again for having me, Myrtle, and to the whole Happy Life team. God bless to all the married couples.

Myrtle Alegado: Alright, so in the last year, Marc and Christine, can you share how you have been blessed by God, especially in this time of pandemic, by putting Him first?

Marc Afenir: Well, in the past year, I think a lot of people have experienced hard times during the pandemic. We were affected ourselves. So, I just started a role at a company, and I work in the tech sector, so things can be volatile even during good times. But when it comes to tough times it compounds, you know, how volatile it is.

But with a pandemic, I just started a new role in February 2020. And, you know, things were going well. Three weeks into this new role we all went into lockdown. This is when, you know, Coronavirus hit the world hard. Yeah, I was in that role for about six months. Initially, they weren’t looking at laying anyone off, but unfortunately I found myself being let go by the company. So being one of the newer hires, unfortunately, I was one of the low hanging fruits, so I was let go. Six months later and I found myself having to find a new job. It was difficult, because in the back of my mind I thought, you know, Christine and I just got married. We were trying to get ourselves settled in, and also we didn’t have that safety net of family, because my family’s back in the local of St. George. And we moved to an area where we would be starting in a new local, and this new local needed new officers. I was one of the younger deacons or officers to look after the little local.

And funnily enough, I wasn’t expecting to follow my dad’s footsteps too soon, but I became a head deacon in that local as well. And what kind of played in the back of my mind was because, you know, a head deacon in a local is someone who is relied upon to be very involved in the local’s day-to-day dealings. And from my experience as well and not having a job, I was wondering how am I going to do this? But I didn’t fret, I wasn’t frustrated or depressed, because I knew that there’s a reason why I’m finding myself in this situation. I just didn’t think that God was going to give me more responsibilities in the Church and, you know, not be able to fulfill that. So, I knew there was something very good coming around the corner. And sure enough, like we did, you know, when we were having that long distance relationship, Christine and I once again held devotional prayers, but this is when we were still able to go to the place of worship.

And I can remember one particular afternoon, when we left the place of worship, you know. It was straight after the devotional prayer that we had. I got a call from a recruiter, and that recruiter was a little coy at first, because she was asking me all sorts of questions that would vet my qualifications, etc. When she was satisfied, she revealed to me which company it was. And I was very, very surprised, because it was a well known tech company, actually, that everyone, like, if I mentioned the name, everyone would know which company it is. And I’ve applied to this company before, and I’ve never been successful at it. So all that time, I knew that God was going to give me something, and when He did give it to me it was something pretty awesome.

Myrtle Alegado: It was something.

Marc Afenir: Yeah! It’s easy to kind of look at that situation that we were in and really fret. But when you kind of look at how God’s sort of aligning things for you, then you understand that there’s better things around the corner.

Myrtle Alegado: It’s really great that you showed that you did put your full trust and faith in Him. So, Christine, how about you? Do you have a story for us?

Christine Afenir: So this pandemic, I mean, it’s been really tough on a lot of people. Yeah we feel God’s blessings every day. It’s actually really nice to be newly married and in a pandemic, just because you just have more time with each other. It’s kind of like an extended honeymoon. That’s what we call it. I think there’s a hashtag like honeymoon lockdown or lockdown honeymoon.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh really?

Christine Afenir: Something like that. But yeah, no, I think a lot of people I guess were starting their newly married life, but in a pandemic. So, I can’t complain. I mean, we have more time together, able to get to know each other better. As you know, there’s a lot of adjusting when you’re married. And we’re also really thankful that we still get to also worship, even go to worship service even though it is a lockdown. We get to do that together and we get to help the local congregation together as well, even in this lockdown. So, I mean, I really can’t complain, to be honest. We feel very blessed, every day, even in this pandemic.

Marc Afenir: We didn’t have a proper honeymoon, Christine and I, when we got married. So, having this extended time in lockdown kind of let us just do that. And we still get to explore different things about each other, not just home life, but we occasionally, you know, go for walks. And it really does feel like you have a partner or a teammate for life. Christine and myself, being officers in the Church, we feel like, you know, we’re partners in almost every aspect of our lives, so it’s a wonderful situation to be in. And I can’t complain, either. I love being around Christine, and I wouldn’t want to spend lockdown with anyone else.

Christine Afenir: He can’t escape anyway, so. Just kidding.

Being able to perform my duties at INC Media here in Sydney, Australia, there are sacrifices. Even then, you know, God has blessed us and we have what we need. And you know, like what Marc shared, that God does find ways to provide. We really can’t complain, to be honest.

Myrtle Alegado: Definitely sounds like you are building your future together and doing it with God’s help and His blessings, and that’s really heartwarming to hear. So what would your advice be to those, you know, who are still kind of looking for “the one” or, you know, their future spouse?

Christine Afenir: I think a lot of young people, or a lot of single people, think that they have to do something to change themselves, and to make themselves more appealing to, you know, someone else. But what I’ve done, when I was ready to get married and find the one, was to have devotional prayer about it first, of course, to bring myself closer to God, because He’s the One who’s going to give you that one. So I knew that this person had to come from God. And so I just made sure to just be more active in Church Of Christ activities, to just do more of what God wanted, and to just make sure that I was pleasing to Him so that my prayers would be heard. That’s what we are taught in the worship service, right, what’s written in the Bible.

Like what Brother Felmar read from the Bible, “Seek your happiness in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desire.” And that’s what I tried to do. I tried to just involve myself in everything that God wanted me to do—and He gave me my heart’s desire, and he’s sitting right next to me.

Marc Afenir: I’m turning into mush. Yeah, look, my advice is to really trust God’s plan for you. And I’m the type of person that analyzes things and plans and sometimes even overthinks, but at the end of the day, and I’ve witnessed this time and time again, especially during these past few years that Christine and I have been figuring things out, that verse that Brother Felmar read, you know, “trust in him and he will help you”, that couldn’t be truer. For someone who puts all their faith, all their trust, in God—God’s plan is the best plan.

So, when you get that answer from God, and you trust what He’s doing for you, what He’s giving you, then you can only be successful. So, I think my advice to all those people who are looking to get married out there, or are newlyweds, just make sure that your relationship is right with God. So always consult God first through your devotional prayers, and for sure, God will lead you to the relationship that He wants for you.

Myrtle Alegado: A hundred percent, that’s such great advice, Marc. I just want to thank you both so much for sharing how your faith and your prayers have guided your lives prior to marriage and, even more so, now as husband and wife.

Christine Afenir: Thanks, Myrtle.

Marc Afenir: It’s a pleasure, Myrtle. Thank you so much.

Christine Afenir: Thanks, Happy Life team.

Myrtle Alegado: Stay warm out there in Sydney.

Marc Afenir: Take care.

Myrtle Alegado: Well, we hope that all the advice that’s been given and shared today, especially the teachings from the Bible, have really demonstrated how always putting God first—in every situation—is beneficial in our lives. If we give God first place in our lives, blessings will surely flow.

And that’s all we have for today. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit incmedia.org. And if you’d like to say hi or send us a question, please visit our Instagram account @happylife.podcast. Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know. Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessing of marriage.

[Show closes]

[Show opens]

Myrtle Alegado: When the world first heard about the global pandemic, I don’t think anyone was prepared for how much it would impact all of our lives. In our last episode, we met Sean and Vanessa, who talked about some of their struggles adapting to being newlyweds while also adjusting to all of the new government and public health restrictions. 

Now, imagine being newlyweds living in this time of pandemic and you’re both frontline workers. Today, let’s see how two newlywed frontline essential workers handle all of the pressures and stresses of their jobs. 

Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio, that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. 

[Show catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.

In March of 2020, more than 3.9 billion people, or half of the world’s population, were asked to stay home by their governments to prevent the spread of the deadly COVID-19 virus. Thousands lost their jobs due to companies closing or establishments reducing hours of operations. But essential workers, most especially frontliners, like healthcare workers, were asked to keep working, even working overtime with increased risk of exposure to COVID-19. 

On our episode today, let’s welcome Lou and Ray Klipfel from Grand Rapids, Michigan. Hey there, Klipfels, and thanks for joining us today on Happy Life. 

Ray Klipfel: Hi Myrtle. 

Lou Klipfel: Hi Myrtle! How are you doing? Thank you so much for having us here.

Ray: Yeah, we’re really excited for this. 

Myrtle: Oh, we’re glad you took the time to join us today and talk about your experiences. I’m doing well, thanks for asking, and hope you are too. 

Lou: Yes, we’re doing really well here. It’s finally getting warmer where we are in Michigan, so we’re excited for that. 

Myrtle: Did you do anything interesting today? 

Ray: Yeah, we went for a hike over by the beach. Xena needed to get out of the house, so…

Lou: Xena is our little puppy, our dog.

Myrtle: I was just going to say, for those who don’t know… [laughs]

Lou: Yes. [laughs]

Myrtle: That’s nice. Like, you know, it’s always nice to be outdoors and to be able to just get that vitamin D from the sunshine.

Lou: It’s nice that we are able to spend some time with each other on the weekends so that we can go out and enjoy the outdoors. 

Myrtle: Oh absolutely. So, I mentioned you’re both frontline workers. Can you tell us a little bit about what your careers are? So, let’s start with Ray.

Ray: So, I’m active duty on the reserves. So you know, a full-time soldier. And, part of what I’ve gotta do is make sure that our equipment is up to par, it’s fully operational so that way in the event that an issue comes up, you know, our equipment is able to help us in completing our mission. The unit that I’m currently in is actually a water purification unit, and we actually got mobilized at the beginning of the COVID pandemic. Luckily, we didn’t have to really go anywhere at that time. But in the event that we are needed, we’re capable of providing thousands of gallons of purified water to the area that we’re deployed to. 

Myrtle: Oh wow. So you’re basically, when you were mobilized, you were pretty much at the ready, like ready to go anywhere that you were sent to. 

Ray: That’s correct. 

Myrtle: Wow. Okay, and around what month was this? I would imagine March or April of last year? 

Ray: It was around April last year, and we had mobilization orders to go to two different locations.

Myrtle: And how long have you been in the army, Ray? 

Ray: This year actually marks 17 years in service. 

Myrtle: Oh wow.

Ray: So I’ve only got a few more and I’ll be able to hit that 20-year mark. 

Myrtle: Oh wow, congratulations! So, let’s go to Lou now. Lou, can you tell us about your career? 

Lou: So, I work as a registered nurse. I work in the endoscopy and bronchoscopy unit, and we do a lot of diagnostic and interventional procedures. And we see different kinds of patients every day, even those patients who have tested positive for COVID-19 and all kinds of different diseases.

Myrtle: Wow, yeah it deals with the lungs, correct, your area? 

Lou: Yes, exactly.

Myrtle: So, let me share this information with you both. A study revealed that healthcare and frontline workers experienced greater psychological stress than individuals in the general public. Factors include a high workload, poor sleep quality, poor health perception, and low perception of infection avoidance. Healthcare workers experience anxiety and stress. Ray and Lou, I’m sure you can relate to a couple of those. What are the things that you worry about or cause you some stress about your jobs?

Ray: So for myself, so we’re supposed to work about 8 hours a day, but I’m generally working anywhere from 8 to 16 hours a day. And for me, where that causes stress is the fact that I’m working on trying to get a unit fixed on the maintenance side and reestablish a maintenance program that has been absent for a bit of time. And working on getting soldiers, taking care of getting the equipment fixed and serviced. So that way in the event that we do need to get mobilized, then our equipment is ready. 

But then on top of that, because I’ve got those stressors and I’m taking that much time and putting it towards work, that is precious time that I’m actually taking away from family. And so, that’s the biggest stress for me because it’s such a big responsibility, and then I’m trying to find that balance between my personal life and my work life. So that way, I can spend time with my family.

Myrtle: And do you also have to go to training or anything like that? 

Ray: Yes, that’s also something else that we’re doing right now is we’re preparing for our annual training, which is going to actually pull me away from home for approximately a whole month. So there’s a bunch of aspects that we have to put together so that way Lou is able to be self-sufficient while I’m not here, because everything here in Michigan is pretty much new to her. She’s only been actually living here for the last five months. So, it’s a big juggle between work and personal life.

And then on top of that, every month, I’ve actually got [a] battle assembly where it’s the entire weekend that is actually taken away from home because I have to be at work, I have to show up early in the morning. And when I do go to battle assembly, there’s always that possibility that I get exposed to COVID-19 from soldiers that are not typically there at the unit. And so we aren’t always able to, you know, keep an eye on the soldiers and make sure that they’re up to par with their vaccinations or their screenings and things like that. So, when they come in, all they do is they give a verbal screening and that’s about it, along with a temperature check. 

Myrtle:  Yeah, so that’s where you’re worried about the possible risk of exposure to, you know, COVID-19, right? If they’re out and about and then coming into your unit, now I get it, yeah. Understandable that that would be stressful. So, we’re going to switch gears now and go to Lou. So how about you, Lou? I’m sure as a nurse, there’s a lot that you have to think about or worry about.

Lou: Yeah, so every day is different at work. There’s always something different. When you come in for work, you don’t really know what to expect. So for me, I see all kinds of people. And, you never really know what kind of exposure you’ll get during that day, what kind of illness a particular patient may have. A patient could have COVID-19 or any other infectious diseases. And it is stressful because it’s not an easy job. Not only is it, like, mentally stressful, but it’s also very physically demanding. So, those are the kinds of things that I typically worry about when it comes to doing this kind of job. 

Myrtle: Absolutely. You know, we don’t give, I think, frontline essential workers enough credit and especially nurses, what you have to, kind of, encounter day in and day out. So you know, I applaud you. Personally, I thank you for all of your hard work.

Lou: Thank you. 

Myrtle: So you both have your individual worries in your own jobs. Now you’re married to a frontliner. So, what do you worry about for each other? 

Ray: So, for myself, I worry about Lou when she goes to work because you know, especially when we first started talking, because she actually worked in an isolation ward, and she was in contact with really…

Lou: Infectious.

Ray: Infectious diseases. 

Lou: Yeah. 

Ray: So you know, she would go to work, she’d have to make sure she gowned up properly and take all the proper precautions, because otherwise she would be in jeopardy of actually getting these diseases. And then on top of that, you know, when she would drive to and from work, during that drive. 

And then of course, the stresses of her job. You know, I was like, I would always need to make sure that I’m here for her to be able to vent and to talk about her day, because that helps her to de-stress some. And then like right now, I’ve been driving her to work and so I’m having to drive all over the city just so that way I can get her to work, and then I can get to work, and then I try to make sure I get off at the right time so I can get back to her location to pick her up and get her home. So that way, we can go ahead and have our dinner and talk about our day and whatnot. It’s a bit stressful. 

Myrtle: So Lou, what did you worry about with Ray, or what do you worry about still? 

Lou: So when I first started dating Ray, actually, I didn’t know anything about the military life. So that was one of my worries. There’s a lot of things that were unknown to me, that were new to me. And like the chance that he may possibly get deployed really worries me. Or like, for example, he mentioned earlier that he will be going away for about a month for his annual training. I just don’t know what to expect during that time. I don’t know what they will be doing, and there’s not a lot of things that he could tell me, actually. So, those are the things that I worry about when it comes to his job.

Myrtle: You know we talked about earlier, the worry, I guess, of the unknown, you know. So how much does that affect, I guess, your stresses about his job? 

Lou: I just worry about his safety. I don’t know what kind of training they will be doing when he’s away, so he will actually have to travel to get to that location where they will be doing their annual training. And I’m worried about, you know, his travel going there and then coming back, and also at the place. I know that they will be staying at a remote location and that they won’t be having the best kind of like… 

Myrtle: Accommodations?

Lou: Yes, so they will most likely, going to be in the desert somewhere or like out in the field, so the conditions are not the most ideal. Like, his safety of course, is what I’m really worried about and mostly concerned of. 

Myrtle: Okay, so you know, you’ve talked about your own stresses and worries and then what you worry about with each other. How do you help each other cope with all of the worries and the stress?

Ray: So mostly, we just try to be there for one another to vent and just kind of give ideas on being able to overcome or make it around the problems or situations that we might be having, or you know, we’ll find ways of trying to cheer one another up. Usually, I’ll make a little skit or video and send it to her, and it’s always a really goofy video. And it always makes her laugh, you know. 

Lou: Yeah.

Ray: So that’s the key—just being there.

Lou: Yeah, we just talk to each other and make things lighter so that, you know, the worry doesn’t take over us. And we tell each other about our day, try to comfort each other if there’s anything that we are, you know, concerned about. 

Myrtle: And you’ve been, you know, having these conversations and venting to one another

Lou: Yes.

Myrtle: Even when you were long distance because as Ray mentioned, Lou just moved there, pretty much what, five months ago because you’re from here Lou, from British Columbia, and I know that you initially started in Idaho right, Ray? 

Ray: Yes. 

Myrtle: And now you’re in Michigan, so you’re kind of all over the place. And I know that with the paperwork that Lou was waiting for, she was kind of stuck here in Canada until that went through recently. So talk about that, how with your 3-hour time difference even, how you were still able to be there for each other. 

Lou: Yeah, that was a difficult part of our relationship actually, because we were doing long distance and we initially started off with being one hour apart.

Ray: One hour apart. 

Lou: One hour apart, because he was in Idaho, and then he had to get moved to Michigan, and it ended up being a 3-hour time difference. So, like, matching our hours to be able to communicate with each other was difficult. What we did was that when I was living in B.C., whenever I would drive to work, that was our time to talk to each other, and kind of go over things with each other. 

Ray: Yeah, so that would help us start our day, but then she would also… we would do that again in the afternoon when she would actually leave work and drive home. And then that’s when we would also communicate and then go over the day and you know, vent and just try to help clear our minds and support one another. 

Lou: We always ended our day with a prayer. 

Ray: Yeah. 

Lou: Yeah, and that was very good and really helped our relationship, especially being away from each other. It was something that really connected us. 

Myrtle: It definitely sounds as if you both have effective coping mechanisms and strategies to be able to manage your daily stresses. But, you know, I’d really like to know what the Bible can teach us about handling our worries and stresses. Back with us again is a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, Brother Felmar Serreno. We’re so glad to have you back on Happy Life, Brother Felmar!

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hello Myrtle, hello everyone. If I can just say first, hats off, kudos to Lou and Ray for the way that they have handled various stressful situations in the various circumstances that they’ve been through. They described for us how they were in [a] long distance relationship and even in, you know, in the beginning part of their marriage, for some time they were still apart from one another. For Lou to move with Ray there in Michigan, in this time of pandemic, you know that is another stressful situation. Add to that that they are adjusting to married life, newlyweds as they are. We’re all adjusting, still, to this new normal, we continue to adjust to the various circumstances and the effects of the pandemic. Add to this, they’re both frontline workers. So, kudos to them and I’ve got to say, Myrtle, it seems that they are quite the fit for this episode that has to do with dealing with stress.

Myrtle: Absolutely, yes. And you know, we give them a round of applause for really how they’ve handled everything thus far. 

Brother Felmar: Yes, and we do thank you both for coming onto the show and sharing with us your experiences. But in spite of all of those scenarios that Lou and Ray have been through, and quite possibly, our listeners today are going through similar situations. However, in spite of these, we should not be overcome by worry. Well, what exactly does it mean to worry? According to dictionary.cambridge.org, to worry is “to think about problems or unpleasant things that might happen in a way that makes you feel unhappy and frightened.” 

So, going back to Lou and Ray, they mentioned the many things that they can’t help but to think about on a regular basis. You know, from not wanting to have to bring work home, because family quality time is important, to not wanting to bring COVID home, right? We don’t want to contract, you know, the virus, whether we be at the workplace, or in any other place, and bring that home to our loved ones. 

From making big decisions or handling big responsibilities at work, like what Lou and Ray mentioned, Lou is a registered nurse, Ray is a soldier, but especially in their field, not only do they have to face big decisions and big responsibilities, but they are caring for people’s very lives—as patients in the medical field or soldiers or other officers in Ray’s occupation. So, in the midst of all of this, we’re happy that Lou and Ray shared with us, they cope by regularly communicating with each other. But more importantly, they communicate with God through prayer. 

Now why is it that, as members of the Church Of Christ, we make sure to constantly pray to God? Let’s read what the Bible says in the Book of Psalms, chapter 121, verses 2,3, and 5 in the Good News Bible: 

My help will come from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. He will not let you fall; your protector is always awake. … The LORD will guard you; he is by your side to protect you.

[Psalm 121: 2-3, 5 Good News Bible] 

Brother Felmar: So we, as members of the Church Of Christ, pray to God because we know that He’s the One who made heaven and earth. God is all-powerful, which is why we know for sure that God can help. We pray to God because like the Bible says, “your protector is always awake”— so the Lord God is the only One Who can truly protect us and guard us 24/7.

Why else do we turn to prayer? Let’s go to the Book of Philippians, chapter 4, verse 6, still in the Good News Bible: 

Don’t worry about anything, but in all your prayers ask God for what you need, always asking him with a thankful heart.

[Philippians 4:6 Good News Bible]

Brother Felmar: So we turn to prayer because, for one thing, it’s a lot better than worrying. As stated in the definition we heard earlier, to worry is “to think about problems or unpleasant things that might happen.” Well, why do people do this? Why do people worry? Because, human as we are, there are just too many things that we are uncertain of—there are things we cannot control and there are things that are totally beyond our control. 

However, there is a better way to react to uncertainties. Instead of becoming overcome by worry, what should we do? The Bible teaches, “Don’t worry about anything, but in all your prayers ask God for what you need.” That’s why for us in the Church Of Christ, in the face of uncertainties, we turn to the One who can certainly help us; the One who can certainly protect us—the One true God, the Father who is in heaven. That’s why we ought to pray more instead of worrying.

In fact, do you know what the Lord Jesus Christ has to say about “worrying”? Here in the Book of Matthew, chapter 6, verse 27 in the New International Version: 

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

[Matthew 6:27 New International Version]

Brother Felmar: We heard what the Lord Jesus Christ said. In other words, worrying adds no advantage to us at all. So, we praise the Lord God that Lou and Ray are examples of the biblical advice we heard today. While they are newlyweds, adjusting to married life, adjusting as well all this time to this new normal, like the rest of us, but to top it all—they are both frontline workers. And they’ve been doing their job and their duty all this time. Yet, instead of being overcome by the worries, right, because of the dangers and the outcomes that might be, Lou and Ray choose to be confident in prayer. 

May all the newlyweds make the same choice. Entrust to God our marriage, our home, and our future.

Myrtle: Especially during these troubling times, where it’s so easy to become preoccupied with all the worries in this life, Brother Felmar, what we learned just now is great advice for all of us. Thank you once again for visiting us here on Happy Life.

Brother Felmar: Absolutely, Myrtle. God bless to us all. May everyone continue to take care. 

Myrtle: So Ray and Lou, how would you say that your faith together helped you deal with the worries that come with both of your jobs? 

Ray: So just like what Lou was talking about earlier, we started having devotional prayers before we even started dating. And you know, that helped strengthen our faith and, realistically, I believe that that’s what brought us together and it helped strengthen our bond. And then you know, in our prayers, we would always pray for each other, we would pray for our families. If anybody was having a difficult time, we would include that. Of course, we would include our careers as well, because you know those are blessings from our Father. And then, you know, we also tried to heed what’s always put out in the lessons, where we don’t worry about our day to day, and instead we take our worries and place them on God, because that’s one way of showing faith. 

Myrtle: Right.

Ray: Because He’s always there to help us and provide us solutions to our problems. 

Lou: Yeah. So just like what Ray was saying, we always pray for strength to be able to manage or overcome any adversities that we may face in our jobs, and then, once we say it in our prayers, we just leave it up to God and we don’t worry about it. Just like, for example, when I was still in Vancouver, Ray actually got injured while he was at work and had to have surgery. And I was hoping that I would be able to come in to be able to help him recover after his surgery. But at that time, my work schedule didn’t really line up. And also at the same time, I had to quarantine from returning from travel. But I prayed, and I basically left all of my worries to God, and it actually ended up working out. For some reason, my schedule changed that week and I was able to come and be here with Ray, and be able to help him out, and also, at the same time, be able to include that quarantine time.

Myrtle: Oh wow! That’s awesome that, you know, it all just kind of aligned. 

Lou: Yeah, exactly. And that was a blessing. 

Myrtle: Oh for sure. Yes, for sure. So what would your advice be to newlyweds or, you know, maybe even those that are engaged to be wed soon, and they’re also frontliners? What would your tips be for them to be able to handle all of the stress and worries of being frontline workers in the first year of marriage? 

Ray: I would say to always be patient and understanding with one another, because there’s a bunch of stresses that, you know, we all face throughout our days. And then, when our loved one is venting, we need to ensure that we are listening to one another and not just hearing what they’re saying—but truly listening. Because if you just hear what they say, it’s going in one ear and out the other. But if you’re listening, that’s when you truly are able to understand what it is that they may be going through. You might be able to provide some assistance and ideas or brainstorming to overcome these situations. And then of course, when we are venting, we need to make sure that we’re not interrupting one another. 

Lou: [laughs]

Ray: That is something that Lou and I are still working on a little bit.

Lou: [laughs]

Myrtle: [laughs]

Ray: We still… it’s a work in progress. 

Lou: Yeah. [laughs]

Ray: But you know, we’re working on it. 

Lou: We’re working on it. Yeah, I agree that communication is very important and to, you know, make sure to always pray. That’s very important. 

Myrtle: That’s great advice. So you know, Lou and Ray, thank you so much for helping us get a better idea of what it was like for you to be newlyweds and frontline workers at the same time in your first year of marriage. 

Lou: Yes.

Myrtle: I know a lot of us have experienced anxiety this past year and a half, you know. But hearing from your perspective, we can just imagine, you know, what you’ve gone through, and as I said, we appreciate you being frontline essential workers, both of you.

Lou: Thank you.

Myrtle: Round of applause for Lou and Ray. [laughs]

Lou: [laughs] Thank you so much for having us here.

Ray: It was a good opportunity.

Lou: Yeah. 

[Music starts]

Myrtle: The experiences Ray and Lou shared are probably ones that resonate with other frontline essential workers. So, we hope the advice we were able to hear from the Bible will help all of you to continue to pray to God and leave your worries to Him. 

And that’s all we have for you today. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit incmedia.org, and please visit us on social media by following our Instagram account: @happylife.podcast. Please also remember to share this and our past episodes with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know. Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessing of marriage. 

[Music ends]

[Show closes]

[Show opens]

[Music starts]

Myrtle Alegado: When the world first heard about COVID-19 and countries started enforcing lockdowns, I don’t think anyone foresaw that we would still be in the same situation in 2021.

Back in March of 2020, personally, I was one of the individuals who kept asking, “How bad could this be? It’s only like the flu, right?” How wrong I was! It was only after hearing of people that I personally knew becoming ill and even passing away, that I was jolted to awareness. Now, imagine being a newlywed, already just trying to get used to married life, but now you’re doing that in the middle of a global pandemic. We’ll talk about that today. 

Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999.

[Show jingle/catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.

Myrtle: In January of 2020, the World Health Organization or WHO began looking into a cluster of reported pneumonia cases in Wuhan, China. On January 31st, 2020, the Emergency Committee or EC advised the WHO Director-General that “the outbreak constituted a Public Health Emergency of international concern.” And on February 11th, this new coronavirus was given a name: COVID-19. One month later, on March 11th, the outbreak was declared a pandemic. Life, as we knew it, changed drastically.

Today, let’s welcome Sean and Vanessa from Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. They’ve been married since September of 2020. Hey there, Vanessa and Sean! We’re so glad you’re here with us today. How are you and things on the island?

Sean Condie: Hi, Myrtle. Things are good here, [I] can’t complain too much. But you know, it’s been the same for the past year.

Myrtle: True! At least we kind of had nice weather today, at least we did here. Was it nice there today? 

Sean: It was, yeah. I would say it’s been pretty nice. 

Vanessa Condie: I think we got a couple of weeks where we had, like, really hot weather in April, which was surprising. So that was good, we had like summer weather. 

Myrtle: I agree! It was like, “summer is here, yes!” and then it started to rain again.

Vanessa: Yes. [laughs] Exactly, like the time the weather changed so much, drastically. 

Myrtle: Well, for our listeners out there, Victoria is an hour and a half ferry ride away from mainland British Columbia. And honestly, it’s one of the most quaint and picturesque cities in Canada, in my humble opinion. 

Sean and Vanessa, I mentioned how I was completely unprepared for what we faced last year, when we first heard about the worldwide pandemic. Can you share what your initial reactions and thoughts were?

 Sean: I’m going to be honest, I was kind of in the same boat as you.  

Myrtle: Right? 

Sean: I didn’t actually take it as seriously as I thought it should have been taken seriously. But I guess here we are now, so it goes to show what I know.

Vanessa: Yeah, that’s exactly like me. In the beginning, it didn’t hit me as much. I was still going to work. And then when things started to shut down, and we started to get, like, know people that have had it, we were like, “Oh, this is really serious.”

Myrtle: And a year later, and to be honest, it’s almost like it hasn’t sunk in that this is our reality, you know? So here in British Columbia, let me just read what the current restrictions are at the time of this recording. 

According to www2.gov.bc.ca, as of April 2021 the update is “The PHO (provincial health officer) has amended the gathering and events order. And now up to 10 people can gather outdoors. For example, in a park or a beach, or in a backyard residence. But for now, we’re not allowed to have indoor gatherings of any kind. 

So, it looks like you can gather with a small group of up to 10 people but, like I said, only outdoors for now. And we are advised to stick to the same group of people, and to continue to be cautious, and wear our masks, and keep a safe distance.

So, Sean and Vanessa, how has the pandemic affected your day-to-day lives as newlyweds?

Vanessa: So me and Sean love traveling. We actually can’t, I guess, do a big honeymoon that we planned to. And so we haven’t had any holidays, so that’s affected us. 

Myrtle: Aww, not even a honeymoon. Yeah, I didn’t even realize. 

Sean: I mean, because we got married in September, the restrictions weren’t as strict as they are now. So we were able to go to Whistler, but our plan was the Maldives. 

Myrtle: That’s a little bit of a difference, yeah. Whistler versus Maldives.

Sean: Slightly, yeah.

Vanessa: And we love to eat. So, like, eating out at restaurants is different. Well, we take takeaway now. I mean, obviously [we] stay home a lot more, a lot less step count now. 

Myrtle: Yeah.

Vanessa: So, hitting that 10,000 steps is a big win if we actually do that once a week. 

Sean: We also both work from home so that doesn’t help the step count at all. 

Myrtle: I guess walking around your living room is not going to cut it either, huh. 

Sean: No, definitely not, but we’re making do. You know, getting a little rounder and you know, healthier, let’s say. 

Myrtle: More to love as I say.

Vanessa: True. 

Myrtle: What else do you do at home for leisure time? You know, you said that you both work from home, so do you also get to speak with family and friends via video conferencing or anything like that? 

Vanessa: Yes, we definitely use Zoom and WebEx more, oh and Facebook Messenger. I contact my parents with that and our friends via all these social media platforms. And definitely, we’ve increased our usage on Netflix, Amazon Prime, Disney Plus. It’s been like our best friends at the moment. 

Myrtle: I completely agree with you. I don’t think any of us realize how much just, you know, eating out at restaurants or going for a stroll with friends outside, that we took for granted. So, you know, what have you found most challenging with the lockdowns and quarantines when it comes to your marriage? 

Vanessa: I think, well for me, I’m more of, like, a social person. So it was harder for me, because I don’t get to speak to people and, like, meet up with people. But I think it hasn’t been as hard for Sean, because he’s more of a homebody. So, he likes being at home and playing his games. 

Myrtle: Let me read something interesting we found on healthlinkbc.ca.

“Being ‘stuck at home,’ cabin fever can set in. You may feel trapped, bored, and irritable, and cabin fever is no joke. It can lead to depression or self-harm. If you live with others, it may cause you to lash out at them.”

Vanessa and Sean, can you maybe rate on a scale of 1 to 10 how cabin fever has affected both of you? 

Sean: I think for myself, for cabin fever, I’d probably rate myself a 5 out of 10. I generally always liked being at home. I’ve always been kind of a homebody, but in general I do miss going to an office and like interacting with people at work and even at church. But we kind of mitigate that by going for walks on like a daily basis, or a drive just to, you know, ease the restlessness.

And we’ve also kind of broken up our week. So, during the week we’d go for a walk or a drive, we’d go to the grocery store on a certain day, we’d have online worship services on Wednesday evenings, and then like, let’s say, on Friday we’d go to the beach, you get some takeout and go for a walk.  

Vanessa: I’m more so, like, it has hit me more. So, I would say like around a 7 out of 10. Especially when I have deadlines at work and it becomes really busy, I’m basically at my desk, or at one point at home, like constantly just the same place, the same spot. So it has made me a bit more, like, irritable, a bit more stressed, because I can’t have that home life and work life separation.

Myrtle: Right. 

Vanessa: And I guess the more stressed I get, the more anxious I get. And then I don’t get to go outdoors, so it gets me less motivated, and the lack of interaction with people also gets me a bit more stressed. But, what actually has helped is definitely like the worship services. It gives me peace when I attend, so I love that. Even if I’m busy at work, I will set time to attend worship service, and that definitely has given me more peace. 

Myrtle: Do you think being in lockdown together has affected how you communicate, and did that maybe result in more arguments?

Sean: In all honesty, I don’t believe it actually resulted in any more arguments. We’re with each other literally 24/7. We work in the house, but she has her own office space. I just use the living room. And even then, you know, we’ll be talking to each other throughout the day. So, we kind of got to know each other’s quirks, especially as newlyweds. 

Vanessa: I think it has given us more time to communicate with each other. Whereas, because we spend this much time together, we get to talk to each other a lot more than we would usually. And I don’t think we’ve had any more arguments than like any newlyweds. We’re still getting used to living with each other. If we do have arguments, we normally say what bothers us.

Sean: It’s resolved right away. 

Myrtle: For those of you who may be listening to this podcast for the first time, and if you’re presently experiencing some sort of cabin fever with your spouse, please give our previous episodes a listen. In episodes 1 through 5, we discuss topics like making adjustments, expectations, making decisions, and even disagreements. 

So now, back to Sean and Vanessa. Has there been anything else that has significantly stressed you out in your first months of marriage, you know, especially as we deal with this pandemic? 

Sean: I think for the both of us, the biggest, I guess, stress factor, well right before the pandemic, was the both of us moved to Canada from the UK. So, at least for Vanessa, it was a new country. And then we were basically at the process of looking for new jobs and basically planning for our wedding. So it was, you know, very stressful, but at the same time, we were able to find something rather quickly. So, I would say we were really blessed with that as well. 

Myrtle:  Oh, that’s awesome. And I was going to say, yeah, I think Vanessa’s accent gave her away a little bit, not being Canadian? [laughs]

Sean and Vanessa: [laughs]

Vanessa: Yeah, so definitely it was like the moving and the wedding planning last year, there was so many different changes in the government restrictions that we had to deal with. So, we didn’t know if our wedding could actually go through. So we did a devotional prayer every night to pray that we could still get married, and we were blessed that we were able to get married. And we had like the first live WebEx wedding in Victoria. 

Myrtle: Oh, wow!

Vanessa: That was very blessed, and we had a nice reception [in] downtown Victoria, (and) had a COVID discount for it. [laughs]

Myrtle: [laughs] Well, that was a bonus!

Sean: It was.

Vanessa: Yeah, and my parents got to watch it virtually, so that was great. 

Myrtle:  So I mean, Vanessa, you moved from the UK, you know, during a global pandemic, you’re getting married, you’re planning all these things. What do you think got you through all of those challenges? 

Vanessa: Definitely the faith that we have. We prayed nightly prayers. And especially the worship services, that were like timely worship services, that gave us that strong faith and courage that we needed. Especially with both of us, we’re married but we’re like very different personalities. But what we have in common is our faith, and I think that’s really important, and especially our love for our duties and our love for the Church. 

Sean: It was our faith. We just trusted in God that He would, you know, provide us everything that we needed, and it would always be in His perfect timing.

[Music starts]

Myrtle: Now, what exactly is this faith that Vanessa and Sean are speaking of? Here with us again is a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, Brother Felmar Serreno. Welcome back, Brother Felmar!

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hello Myrtle, and hello to the Happy Life team. 

[Music ends]

Brother Felmar: Hello to our guests, Vanessa and Sean, and greetings to everybody who’s tuning in today. 

Myrtle: So, Vanessa and Sean mentioned that they held onto their faith, you know, in the times when they had to go through the stress of wedding planning, and Vanessa had to move from another continent. So, what exactly is faith, Brother Felmar, and how is it helpful especially in these times of uncertainty? 

Brother Felmar: You know, that’s a very great question, Myrtle. And first of all, we want to congratulate Vanessa and Sean for getting married in spite of the pandemic. You know, looking at it one way, that’s a big challenge, right? You know, getting married is a big challenge in itself, you know, planning the wedding, right, logistics and all of that, but doing so in the midst of the pandemic is a whole new ball game, as others say.

Myrtle: Yes, you deserve a slow clap. [laughs]

Brother Felmar: Yes! [laughs] So we congratulate you both, and we’re very happy for you both, and most of all, we praise God. And in addition to sharing your story, you shared with us something very important, that what got you through your experiences has been your faith. So in response to your question, Myrtle, I think it’s important that we address that—what is this faith that Sean and Vanessa speak of, which has enabled them to get married, to get through the challenges of the pandemic and they are able to enjoy their marriage or being married under the blessing of God? So, let’s get right to it now. What is faith—what is faith according to the Bible? We’ll read what’s written in Hebrews, chapter 11, verse 1, in this translation, the Phillips New Testament in Modern English:

Now faith means putting our full confidence in the things we hope for, it means being certain of things we cannot see. 

[Hebrews 11:1 Phillips New Testament in Modern English] 

Brother Felmar: So, faith means being certain of things we cannot see. For example, we  cannot see the Almighty God. Because according to John chapter 4, verse 24 in the New King James Version, “God is Spirit…” In Luke [chapter] 24, [verse] 39, we can read that “… a spirit does not have flesh and bones…” So the Lord God, who is a spirit, who has no material form, is invisible to us—we cannot see the Lord God in the literal sense. Nevertheless, we have faith in the Almighty God; we have faith in His power; and we have faith in His promises.

Like, if I can ask Sean and Vanessa very quickly, in the moment when you were moving from the UK to get here to the west coast of Canada, and you were very aware of all of the concerns you had on your table [that] you needed to address—you know, the problems you were facing at the moment—could you foresee what the solutions would be, you know, when you were in the moment? 

Sean: No, we definitely couldn’t foresee what our solutions would be at that time, but like we mentioned earlier with our faith, we knew that just trusting in Him would, you know, guide us to what we needed to do and where we needed to be.

Vanessa: Yeah, I agree. We couldn’t see the solutions when we were having the problems, but with our faith we know to trust in God. 

Brother Felmar: You know, to all of our listeners out there, to all of the newlyweds who might be going through something like what was experienced by Sean and Vanessa, maybe you’re going through something right now where you can’t see what the solution will be. Well, hopefully we can take the message that we are learning about today and apply it. And what is the focal point of our biblical advice today? Having faith. So, when we are confronted with a problem, no matter how severe or pressing, and although at the time we cannot see what the exact solution will be, nevertheless we have faith in God that He can provide the solution.

Who is one of God’s early servants that we ought to imitate, because he had faith in God? Let’s read from 2 Kings, chapter 20, verses 1 to 6 in The Message: 

Some time later Hezekiah became deathly sick. The prophet Isaiah son of Amoz paid him a visit and said, “Put your affairs in order; you’re about to die—you haven’t long to live.” Hezekiah turned from Isaiah and faced GOD, praying: Remember, O GOD, who I am, what I’ve done! I’ve lived an honest life before you, My heart’s been true and steady, I’ve lived to please you; lived for your approval. And then the tears flowed. Hezekiah wept. Isaiah, leaving, was not halfway across the courtyard when the word of GOD stopped him: “Go back and tell Hezekiah, prince of my people, ‘GOD’s word, Hezekiah! From the God of your ancestor David: I’ve listened to your prayer and I’ve observed your tears. I’m going to heal you. In three days you will walk on your own legs into The Temple of GOD. I’ve just added fifteen years to your life…”

[2 Kings 20:1-6 The Message]

Brother Felmar: Hezekiah had faith that God could heal him of a life-threatening illness, even when it seemed like there was no more hope that he would live. And because Hezekiah had lived his life to please God, his prayer was answered. God even extended his life for another fifteen years. 

But how exactly does a person come to possess faith, like in the case of Sean and Vanessa? We praise God that they got through their troubles, the challenges, by means of their faith. But maybe that’s the question our listeners are asking themselves right now. Where did their faith come from? How did they come to possess this faith? When does a person begin to possess true faith? Let’s go to the Bible. Let’s turn to the Book of Ephesians, chapter 1, verse 13 in the New King James Version:

In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise, 

[Ephesians 1:13 New King James Version]

Brother Felmar: According to the apostles, it is after hearing the word of truth, or the pristine gospel, that can people come to believe or have true faith. Well, how can people in our time, the Christian era, hear about the word of truth or the pristine gospel? Still in Ephesians, this time in chapter 3, verse 10 in the New King James Version:

“to the intent that now the manifold wisdom of God might be made known by the church to the principalities and powers in the heavenly places,”

[Ephesians 3:10 New King James Version]

Brother Felmar: So the wisdom of God, according to the Bible, will be made known by the Church. Well, which is this Church that’s being referred to which has the truth? This Church that will make known the manifold wisdom of God, which is what people need to listen to in order to have true faith? Still in Ephesians, we go now to chapter 4, verse 12 in the  Norlie’s Simplified New Testament: 

The common object of their labor was to bring the Christians maturity, to prepare them for Christian service and the building up of the Church of Christ.

[Ephesians 4:12 Norlie’s Simplified New Testament]

Brother Felmar: So going back to your original question, Myrtle, what is this faith that Sean and Vanessa have spoken of, which has enabled them to overcome the challenges that they have faced, this faith that has enabled them to get married even in this time of pandemic? According to the Bible, true faith is based on hearing and obeying the true gospel being taught in the Church Of Christ. And how helpful is faith in times of uncertainty? How helpful is faith to newlyweds in this time of pandemic?

Like what we learned from the example set by King Hezekiah, when a servant of God is confronted with a problem, even if it is drastic or urgent—faith will enable us to not give up. Instead, we will be able to use our faith to turn to the Almighty God; to ask Him to provide for us the answers to our problems, and blessings upon our home and our marriage. 

[Music starts]

Myrtle: It was wonderful, Brother Felmar, to have you here on Happy Life with us again, and truly the words you share with us about faith were enlightening. 

Brother Felmar: Thank you again for having me here on Happy Life. And yes, we do hope and pray that the words of God that we have learned will enable all newlyweds to have true faith, and to have strong faith, especially during these difficult times. Thank you also to Vanessa and Sean for being wonderful guests on our episode today. 

Myrtle: So, going back to you, Sean and Vanessa, how thankful are you that as members of the Church Of Christ, we’re still able to conduct worship services? 

Vanessa: We’re really thankful to conduct worship services and hear the words of God. When we first had our online choir practices, it was strange at first having it virtually, because you usually have a lot of choir members around you to bounce off, like the voices.

Myrtle: Mmhmm.

Vanessa: So it feels good to perform again in worship services and always to fulfill our duties and to feel the Holy Spirit in worship services and choir practices. Even though we sing in our homes, we can feel the presence of our Almighty God and the Holy Spirit.

Sean: Being able to worship in our homes, it definitely helps relieve the stress of this life, of what’s going on around us. Like we mentioned earlier, we just completely relied on our faith to kind of get us through, just day by day, because that’s all we can really do. But we know that in our worship services, we can have our prayers answered, and it’s even more of a blessing to hear our Executive Minister, Brother Eduardo V. Manalo during our video streaming worship services. You can definitely feel that he always has love and care for each and every one of us. 

Myrtle: What are the things that you pray about now? 

Sean: So every night, we have our evening devotional prayers, and what we are asking for is to continue to bless our marriage, to continue to help us in our careers, and to help us in all our future plans and aspirations, including eventually, having a family.

Vanessa: Especially to give us the strong faith that we need to carry on in life and no matter what happens, for us to stay strong in our faith and in our duties. 

Myrtle: And for somebody who doesn’t, you know, necessarily understand what having that faith means, can you try to express what it means to you to have that faith? 

Sean: What it means to have that faith is just knowing that, if you’re asking for something that, you know, that God is going to be listening to your prayers. That no matter what, you always have Him by your side. 

Vanessa: Yeah. I want to reiterate, we don’t know what’s going to happen to us in the future, we don’t know what will happen. But having that faith is to have that peace of mind, because God will always be with you and God will always bless you and guide you to whatever is His plan—and His plan is always the best plan. It’s something to give you peace of mind and to give you hope in this world and this life. 

Myrtle: You know, Sean and Vanessa, we thank you so much for sharing all of your experiences and for being so open to discussing, you know, what your faith means to you. So, it was absolutely wonderful to have you both here on Happy Life. 

Sean: Yeah, thank you very much for having us. It’s been a pleasure.

Vanessa: Yeah. It was really great talking to you today, Myrtle. Thank you!

[Music starts] 

Myrtle: As we heard in our episode today, having faith, holding onto God’s words, and knowing that God will answer your prayers definitely gives you peace of mind. I mean, in this chaotic world, isn’t that something we all want?

That’s all we have for today! To learn more about Christian relationships please visit incmedia.org. And if you’d like to say hi or send us a question, you can find us on Instagram: @happylife.podcast. Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know!

Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessing of marriage.

[Music ends]

[Show closes]

[Show opens]

Myrtle Alegado: Worry, pressure, and stress. Lots of stress. A staggering 96% of couples admit to feeling this emotion while planning their wedding according to a study of 500 newlywed or engaged to be wed couples published on brides.com.

These numbers are even more telling – “40% of couples categorized wedding planning as “extremely stressful” while 71% thought it was more nerve-wracking than other major life events like finding a new job.”

Now, that article was published before COVID-19. Today, we’re going to look at what planning a wedding was like for one newlywed couple I had a chance to chat with who got married during the global pandemic.

Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INCMedia that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m Myrtle Alegado and I’ve been married to my husband Paul since 1999.

[INTRO MUSIC & CATCHPHRASE]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.

Myrtle: Planning every detail of your big day really does take a lot of work. The happy couple has to decide on things like guest lists, decor, and even the reception venue.  When you add a global pandemic into the equation of wedding planning, you’ve got a whole new set of unexpected hurdles.

Let’s welcome our newlyweds for today’s topic, Kara and Alvin, from Saint John, New Brunswick, Canada. Hi Kara and Alvin! We’re so happy you’re here with us today.

Kara Pascual: Hello, Myrtle. Thank you so much for having us today on Happy Life. And Alvin and I are so grateful to take part in this topic, which is very timely for us. Right, Alvin?

Alvin Pascual: Yeah, but definitely quite nervous.

Myrtle: Aww, no need to be nervous. So how have you two been, you know, aside from the nervousness?

Kara: Well, of course we also gained weight as part of marriage.

Myrtle: Oh, I think that’s part of the COVID-10 or COVID-15 people say.

Kara: COVID-15!

Myrtle: Everybody’s  putting on 10 or 15 pounds. Can you explain where St. John is and what it’s like there?

Kara: So, St. John is in the province of New Brunswick, which is part of the 10 provinces here in Canada. And we’re also part of the Atlantic provinces in the eastern part of the country.

Myrtle: And I had to actually Google Map it and even though I’m Canadian, and I’ve lived here all my life, I had to refresh my memory. I believe it’s also between Quebec and Nova Scotia and then just a little bit north of Maine, correct?

Alvin: That’s correct. So it’s actually two hours away from the US border which is the State of Maine.

Myrtle: Okay so, Kara and Alvin, you’ve been married since August of 2020, correct?

Kara: Yep.

Myrtle: And that wasn’t originally supposed to be your wedding date though right, so can you share the story on that?

Alvin: I proposed to Kara in May 2018 in Niagara Falls, Ontario. So, that was actually the happiest moment of my life at that point. We encountered a lot of challenges along the way, especially we have differing personalities. I am an introvert and Kara is an extrovert. So, a lot of challenges personally, within our internal selves, and together as a couple, as we’re going through the relationship. We encountered that after the proposal. So, we decided to call off the wedding and eventually had to separate, because we realized that we needed to grow as individuals, before we can go together.

Myrtle: And you know that actually makes a lot of sense, because there’s a saying I heard a while back that went something like ‘before you could stand together, you had to stand alone.’ So, what you said, growing as individuals, I’m sure that now has helped you together as a couple. So, after experiencing all of that, you know, having the proposal, being engaged, then calling off the wedding, the roller coaster of ups and downs, what was it like for you to finally be able to plan the wedding together?

Kara: Actually, Myrtle, we were so excited, because we will finally get to restart the planning of our wedding.

Myrtle: Right.

Kara: But then we are [in] a long distance relationship, because I live in St. John here in New Brunswick, and he was in Surrey, British Columbia, at that time. So Surrey is, I think it’s in the Metro Vancouver [area]—

Myrtle: Right.

Kara: —as far as I know, and St. John is near the Bay of Fundy. So, I am beside the waters.

Myrtle: So, literally you’re [on] other sides of the country.

Kara: Yeah, other sides, west and east.

Myrtle: You’re that far apart in distance, different time zones, so how did you stay organized and on track with all your wedding planning.

Kara: Well, Alvin is the techie type of person, and he’s really organized. I guess it’s because of his job. So, he created a Google spreadsheet for us to keep everything on track, to see our progress, to see what we’ve missed, and we always check it every month, and then it goes to every week.

And I am really happy even though that we are both far away from each other. I am really thankful that Alvin’s family is very supportive, because I only have them as my family since my parents, my siblings, are in the Philippines. I know it’s very unfortunate that they are far away from me, but they still give support by giving me advice on how to do the wedding, even though we’re far away from each other.

Myrtle: That’s really great. And actually the spreadsheet is a great idea to stay organized, so good job, Alvin.

Alvin: Thank you.

Myrtle: And we heard, you know almost all couples admit to feeling stress during wedding planning. What were your stress levels like, you know, especially since you were planning your wedding during a global pandemic and you have the distance as well to handle?

Alvin: So, I’m not really the type of person that stresses too much. Because I realized that in order to get this wedding planning to work is if one person is easily stressed out, the other person needs to be calm and be able to think things through. That’s why I was able to be organized and bring solutions like using a spreadsheet to see the progress, things like that. So, that helped me to reduce my stress.

Kara: Well it’s very opposite for me, because I am 110% stressed at that time.

Myrtle: Oh.

Kara: Well, I think it’s because I’m far from Alvin and from a family. It’s really hard to interact with one another if you’re far away. It’s different when you can see each other. You can talk to each other right away.

And there’s a lot of restrictions when COVID-19 started in early 2020. All of us are so nervous because flights got suspended. Actually here in St. John, in the whole province of New Brunswick actually, they suspended the whole flights so there’s no airports open [at] that time.

Myrtle: Oh.

Kara: Yes, everything is closed. Even the stores are closed. So while I was searching for a gown, I couldn’t find the perfect gown for me, because I don’t really like looking online. Because what if I receive it and then I have to alter it because it’s too small for me or it’s too big for me. And stores are closed so I don’t have a way to alter the dress, and it’s really hard to make decorations. And the worst thing is, we really don’t know if the wedding will be pushed through because of this pandemic,

Myrtle: And I think initially when we spoke, you had hoped to get married earlier in 2020, not in August, right?

Kara: Yes.

Myrtle: But then like you said the pandemic hit. And so in addition to the wedding date, what other changes did you kind of have to accept and deal with because of, you know, pandemic and lockdown and everything?

Alvin: So, the toughest thing was that Kara’s family could not make it to the wedding because of the government restrictions. We really wish we could have changed that, because it would be very valuable for their family to witness the wedding ceremony in itself.

Kara: And to add to that, my family’s not members of the Church Of Christ, and I really would want them to witness how the wedding is done inside the Church, and how solemn it is. Because I also wanted them to be part of this Church.

Myrtle: And you said that there were a lot of government restrictions as well, right? Did you have to do a lot of research when it came to that, such as how many people were allowed to gather, and how did that affect your guest list?

Kara: Well, yes I actually checked the government restrictions, every month and then every week, because I find that they change the rules, very often. So, at first, the maximum capacity indoors in British Columbia is 50 guests or 50 people. And then they lowered it to 25. It’s really hard to determine who will be in the chapel, because we also have people who are dear to us that we want to be with on our wedding day. But then, we couldn’t because we have to follow those restrictions.

But of course, people can’t travel anyway, so we are thankful to the Church Administration, because they approved us having a video streaming for them so they can attend to our wedding, even though it’s virtually. And to my surprise, to our surprise, a lot of them were able to connect. More of them were able to witness the wedding, than going to British Columbia personally to see the wedding. So I’m happy with that because we were able to share our very special day to our dear loved ones and friends.

Myrtle: Oh yes, definitely. And that’s pretty incredible that a lot of people, a lot of your guests, were able to actually watch it even though, like you said, it was virtually. But just having them there, I’m sure, was something that you will remember.

So here’s an interesting statistic I’d like to share with you. Zola surveyed over 2000 couples with weddings from March 2020 and December 2022. Most of them were originally scheduled to get married in 2020 and found that COVID-19 has changed the way that almost all of them are thinking, feeling and planning. You know, with having to decide how to handle the guest list, based on restrictions in each city or province, or how to implement safety protocols at the ceremony, and most importantly how to still celebrate with loved ones, even though they’re far away, it’s definitely a lot to think about. So Kara and Alvin, what do you recall was one of the biggest stressors during your wedding planning?

Kara: Well for me, Myrtle, I am a frontliner, I’m a nurse here in St. John. And being in the period of the pandemic, It’s very stressful.

Myrtle: I can imagine, yes.

Kara: Most of our residents here are at home, while we are still working in our respective jobs. That resulted for me to have a lot of health issues because, of course, when you stress out, your body will react to the stressors. I was hospitalized many times because of that.

Myrtle : Oh no.

Kara: I think it’s because of fatigue, too much thinking, anxiety, and we were also short-staffed every day, because my co-workers were also getting sick of working every day. Because we cannot have our vacation time because of this pandemic. On top of that, I have to do the wedding planning with Alvin.

Myrtle: Stress on top of stress.

Kara: Yes, stress on top of stress on top of stress. That’s how I can tell it. Two weeks before the wedding, I got injured at work. That made me become more stressed.

Myrtle: Yes, definitely. I mean, how did that injury happen if you don’t mind me asking?

Kara: I was in the Alzheimer’s unit, and one of my patients got very aggressive and hit me on the head, and I lost consciousness. Yes, I had a concussion, and I was sent to the emergency after that. And I was so nervous that our wedding will be canceled because of my situation. It’s only two weeks left. I really did my best to do my devotional prayers, and to do the physio religiously. I didn’t skip any day of my physio, because I really wanted to be with Alvin. Because it’s really hard to be living by yourself, that’s why I really prayed a lot. But then another thing. I felt very uncertain because my flight keeps on [getting] re-booked by the airline. So, I really don’t know what will happen to our wedding

Myrtle: So you had more hurdles than most normal couples, for sure, when wedding planning. But how did you show support to one another during this time, especially you, Alvin? You knew that Kara got injured. How did you support each other during this time?

Alvin: So, the important thing that we realized is communication and honesty is key. We had daily video calls so we can communicate with each other what’s happening, when it comes to the wedding planning, when it comes to ourselves personally. So, we also did things to uplift each other, like funny faces, like funny video calls and things like that.

Myrtle: Thank goodness for modern technology, right, that you can have those video calls nowadays.

Alvin: Exactly. And especially we were able to send each other quotes and different social media posts that helped lift each other in these hard times.

Myrtle: Yes, definitely. And you also continued to stay active within your faith and, you know, attending worship services?

Alvin: Definitely, those are the one of the key things that help us uplift ourselves internally, is with the performance of our duties and making sure our faith is complete.

Kara: Yes. And, in addition to that, we also trusted each other more, especially that we are far away from each other. Because if you don’t have trust [in] your partner, you will be more stressed.

Myrtle: For sure.

Kara: Yes, and most importantly, we trusted everything to our Almighty God, because we all know that everything happens for a reason. I know LDR (long-distance relationship) is very hard. So, why make it harder, right? So, make it lighter.

Myrtle: Yeah, true.

With any type of planning, there are always uncertainties, but planning for your big day during a global pandemic, you can be sure to expect the unexpected. We heard about the changes and turn of events that Kara and Alvin experienced. Now, whether you’re presently engaged or already a married couple, are you currently dealing with something similar, with something unexpected which is now having an impact on your relationship? If you are, then we invite you now to listen closely to some advice from the Bible on how to deal with the unexpected. Let’s welcome back a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, Brother Felmar Serreno. Hi, Brother Felmar and welcome back to Happy Life.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hello, Myrtle and hello to all the Happy Life listeners, and hello to our guests for today, Kara and Alvin. I remember hearing at the introduction, in your courtship it was a long distance relationship, right? I think Alvin was in Surrey, British Columbia, and Kara was it St. John?

Kara: St. John, New Brunswick.

Brother Felmar: St. John, New Brunswick. I wanted to ask, where have you decided to settle, here on the west side or over there on the east side?

Kara: Well, that’s a very difficult question. (laughs) But of course we want to be near the family. So, we want to settle on the west side.

Brother Felmar: On the west coast, okay. But currently, you’re still out there in St. John, New Brunswick. Is that right, Kara?

Kara: Yes, we’re just waiting for some papers to be completed and we will go back to the west side, the west coast.

Brother Felmar: Okay, I see. How is it over there in St. John at the moment?

Kara: Well right now, the Atlantic bubble, which means that all the Atlantic provinces, New Brunswick, Nova Scotia and PEI/Prince Edward Island and Newfoundland and Labrador, will finally be open for travel. So, well you have to quarantine for 14 days if you’re from outside the Atlantic bubble.

Brother Felmar: I see, okay. Well, thank you for sharing that with us. Onto our discussion now, dealing with the unexpected. So, should we be surprised or discouraged when things don’t turn out the way we planned? Let’s listen to what the Bible says here in the book of Proverbs, chapter 16, verse one in the Good News Translation, and we’ll read verse nine in the New Century Version:

We may make our plans, but God has the last word.

[Proverbs 16:1 Good News Translation]

People may make plans in their minds, but the LORD decides what they will do.

[Proverbs 16:9 New Century Version]

Brother Felmar: The Bible teaches us, “We may make our plans, but God has the last word.” Therefore, it is a truth, it is a given, that how we plan things out will not always play out the same way. Why? Because in all things, “God has the last word.” What is the equivalent of this? It is God’s will or God’s plans that will prevail above all. God may allow certain plans we make to be fulfilled, or He may have something else planned for us. Nevertheless, it is always for our own good.

Now, just in case you’re wondering, why are we so sure that God has good plans for us? For example, someone might say if God has good plans in store for us, then why did those unexpected and difficult changes happen to Kara and Alvin, like what they shared with us earlier? And maybe some of our listeners are going through something similar. Shouldn’t those moments be seen as something negative rather than good? So, in response to that, let’s ask the Bible this: how do God’s faithful servants regard what happens in their life, even if it is very different from what was originally planned? Let’s turn to the book of Romans, chapter eight, verse 28, in the Christian Community Bible:

We know that in everything, God works for the good of those who love him, whom he has called, according to his plan.

[Romans 8:28 Christian Community Bible]

Brother Felmar: According to the Bible, not just some but all of the things that happen—all of the things that happen—in the life of those whom God called and truly love Him, even if they are severe, these things are not detrimental to them. Who are those whom God has called? According to Colossians, chapter 3, verse 15, those whom God has called are in the one body of Christ. The one body is the true Church, Colossians 1:18. And what is the name of the true Church? Church Of Christ—that is based on Acts, chapter 20, verse 28 in the Lamsa Translation.    

So, for us members of the Church Of Christ that truly love God, in everything that happens in our life we see it in a positive way. Although, yes, when you’re in the moment, something unexpected and unfortunate may seem to be disadvantageous for you. I remember with what Kara mentioned earlier how she was concerned and sad that it seemed as if her loved ones would not be able to witness the marriage ceremony. Did I get that correctly, Kara?

Kara: Yes, yes.

Brother Felmar: And especially because, you know, with how you value your membership in the Church Of Christ, you were hoping that they could witness the solemnity of the marriage ceremony as done in the Church Of Christ. So, what has been mentioned to us through the Holy Scriptures and going through our experiences, definitely when you’re in the moment, things that are unexpected seem disadvantageous. However it is our faith, and it’s taught by the Bible, that God can turn things around so that even unpleasant experiences will be for our own good or it will work toward our benefit in the end.

In fact, what is one example in the Bible that we can learn from where in hindsight, God’s servants understood that the catastrophe they went through turned out to be for their own good in the end? Let’s cite the experience of the apostle Paul, in 2 Corinthians, chapter 1, verses 8 to 10 in The Message:

We don’t want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us in Asia province. It was so bad we didn’t think we were going to make it. We felt like we’d been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally—not a bad idea since he’s the God who raises the dead! And he did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he’ll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing.

[2 Corinthians 1:8-10 The Message]

Brother Felmar: In spite of the severe trials Apostle Paul experienced, in hindsight he understood that “it was the best thing that could have happened.” That’s what he said, right? Well, why did he say that? Because the experience produced something in him. What positive and important result came out of the unpleasant experience Apostle Paul went through? He witnessed how God rescued Him from certain doom and he learned to trust God totally.

Therefore, to the newlyweds and even to the engaged couples who are listening to this podcast, no matter how incredibly different a circumstance may be from your original plan, there is no reason for us to be overcome by frustration or disappointment. Instead, let us put our unwavering trust in God. Trust in His promise that He has good plans for us. Trust also in the fact that in everything, God works for the good of those who love Him.

Myrtle: Thank you once again, Brother Felmar, for teaching us these words of wisdom from the Bible, and for reminding us to always trust in God.

Brother Felmar: Thank you again to the Happy Life team for having me. Thank you to you, Myrtle. Thank you to our guests, Kara and Alvin. You’ve been great, although I think you mentioned before that this may have been your first time, you know, appearing on a podcast like this but we definitely appreciate the experiences you shared from the heart and openly, and I’m sure all the newlyweds, who are listening in, appreciate it as well. God bless to us all.

Myrtle: So based on the Bible advice that we just received, how important has it been for you to trust in God?

Alvin: Through technology, so we had video calls, we were able to hold daily devotional prayers. Because of our daily devotional prayers, we felt more confident because we put our complete hope to our Almighty God and what He can do for us.

Kara: And actually, Myrtle, my prayers were answered by doing constant devotional prayers. I told you earlier that the stores were closed here in St. John during my wedding gown search, and a few weeks before my flight, one store got open. And I had a hard time to find a gown, because I wanted it to be very conservative, but then I am so happy that I found the gown that I’ve been looking for. And that’s one prayer answered.

And next, the St. John airport was closed for a while, I think for three to four months.

Myrtle: That’s a long time.

Kara: Yes, I kept on praying—I kept on praying—that it will open for our wedding day. And I am so glad that it opened [in] July, 2020 and my wedding is [in] August, and my flight is on the 25th of July. So I’m so happy that it opened, because I am really nervous if it’s still closed if the wedding will be postponed again. And also, we prayed a lot that I will be kept safe and away from the disease because I am flying, right, so I’ll be encountering many passengers on the flight.

And thankfully—I’m really thankful to our Almighty Father—that I got through all that. I am safe, nothing happened to me, I did not get any sicknesses from the COVID-19. And we still got married on our desired date, which is amazing! Looking back, we got very anxious, we got very worried if this wedding will happen. We entrusted everything to God. We didn’t doubt, and we put our complete hope in Him. Everything just went very smoothly. I know there were obstacles. but then we treat those obstacles as a challenge for us to trust in Him more. And the end result is we got married. Yay!

Myrtle: Yay! So many answered prayers, so what would you tell, you know, couples right now who are engaged and about to get married in this pandemic? What would some of your advice be?

Kara: First advice. I know we have friends and families that pressure us to get married because of our age, you know, or if you have a circle of friends and you’re the only ones who are single, they always keep on telling you, “When are you getting married? You’re getting old,” something like that. So don’t get pressured on that, because marriage is not a joke. Marriage is sacred and it comes with a huge responsibility, because you will eventually create a family of your own, and you need to be very responsible for that.

I know there will be struggles, and a lot of frustrations with the wedding planning. It’s normal because, as what was stated earlier, wedding planning is really stressful. So you just have to work together with your partner. It involves teamwork and without teamwork, like what happened to us before, our initial wedding didn’t push through because of a lot of differences and things didn’t work out as planned. But then, if you include God during your wedding planning, everything will be worthwhile—everything will happen smoothly just like what happened to us. And you just want to get married, right? So, you have to just complete the process. Just believe that you will go to your end goal which is getting married.

Myrtle: So Alvin, what are your two cents on the topic of advice for engaged-to be-wed couples right now?

Alvin: So, like what Kara said, everything happens in God’s perfect time. You might make plans, you might make different kinds of plans, but in the end God will allow His plan to happen. And for us, that’s exactly what happened. So everything went smoothly, when even though it was just a short while that we planned the wedding, it went very smoothly, despite all the obstacles that have happened. We were able to get married as a result. That brings us a lot of joy, brings the newlyweds a lot of joy, once that process is complete.

Myrtle: The long wait is over and you’re finally husband and wife. So I can imagine, you know, how happy you both felt.

Kara: Yes, actually, we planned this wedding for less than a month.

Myrtle: Oh, wow.

Kara: Yeah, less than a month. We didn’t expect everything will push through. Initially, 2018, we planned for a whole year. It didn’t happen. But God’s time is really perfect. Even though it’s during the pandemic, it’s perfect for us.

Myrtle: So thank you, Kara and Alvin, so much for sharing what you both went through with all your wedding planning and all the hurdles that you had to jump over, but we hope you had as much fun talking about it as we did.

Kara: Thank you so much, Myrtle, for having us. It is such a good experience, and we had a fun time talking about our wedding planning, like it’s a reminiscing moment for us.

Alvin: I was definitely nervous when we first started, but as we were discussing this, I felt more comfortable. And hopefully our experiences while we were planning our wedding, especially during this pandemic, was of some benefit for everyone else that’s listening.

Myrtle: We hope our discussion today was able to show all of the engaged couples out there that having a wedding during the pandemic is definitely doable. The important thing to remember is to trust God with your plans.

And that’s all we have for you today. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit incmedia.org. And if you’d like to say hi or send us a question, please email us at [email protected] with the subject Happy Life. Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know.

Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessing of marriage.

[Show closes]

[Show opens]

Myrtle Alegado: Do any of you remember what your lives were like before smartphones?

Think about those times when, you know, you’d actually have to go into a restaurant and try their burger or wings to see if the food was any good, instead of just going online, reading the reviews and maybe not even giving that restaurant a chance.

Who remembers having to actually use a phone book and a landline phone? It didn’t use to be a world full of smartphones.

Technology has changed our way of life. It has made a lot of tasks easier and it definitely has saved us a lot of time. But, have all the impacts of modern technology and smartphones been positive? And how have these changes affected married life? Are there times when technology might actually take away your time and attention from your spouse?

This leads us to our episode today which we decided to call, “Being Present”

So let’s get things going, as we continue our series on Effective Communication in Marriage.

Welcome to Happy Life. This podcast brought to you by INCMedia aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m Myrtle Alegado and I’ve been married to my husband Paul since 1999.

[Catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive.. You’re listening to ‘Happy Life’

[Music ends]

Myrtle: “The smartphone has changed our lives for the better in some ways, but it definitely has its drawbacks, too,” says businessinsider.com

Dr. Suzana E. Flores, clinical psychologist and author of “Facehooked: How Facebook Affects Our Emotions, Relationships, and Lives,” agrees that smartphones are useful, but can also cause friction in our lives.

In many households, at the dinner table or at bedtime are definitely occasions when you can share your thoughts with your spouse, catch up on how your day went, or just chat casually about anything under the sun.

But during those moments, are we 100% present with our spouse? Meaning, are we being as attentive as we ought to be when our spouse is communicating with us?

According to usu.edu, a study done in 2019 shows that: 45% consider technology a big problem in their marriage. 43% report that their spouse uses technology in bed every night or almost every night. 55% feel like their spouse/partner spends too much time on their cell phone. Let’s talk about how we can be physically, mentally and emotionally present for our spouse.

Here with us today are Vic and Janelle from Burlingame, CA. Our newlyweds have been married since August of 2020. Welcome to Happy Life, Vic and Janelle! How have you two been?

Vic Laguisma: Hi!

Janelle Laguisma: Hi! We’ve been good. How are you?

Myrtle: You know, hanging in there, hanging in. Thanks for asking.So, it was mentioned that technology can cause problems in marriage. One example is when one feels like the other may be spending too much time on their phone.  Is this something you’ve noticed in your marriage? And If so, how often does it happen?

Janelle: Yes, definitely. I think I am very guilty of spending too much time on my phone just because everything’s on there. And I love planning, so for the weekend I want to plan on where are we going to eat, what are we going to do, where to get the car oil changed, like everything. I’m always researching and looking things up, what’s next or where can we get the least expensive piece of furniture. You know, it’s just a lot of that.

Vic: I mean, I’m just happy that it’s a productive thing, you know? And it’s not a cat playing a piano or anything like that. Sometimes I’ll catch her, you know, she’ll be answering me when I talk to her, but I’ll repeat my question but in a louder voice, with like a smirk on my face. But both of us, we kind of call each other out on it too because sometimes it’ll cut into our quality time.

Myrtle: Well, knowing is half the battle right? So, you know, when your quality time is cut, what impact does that have on your relationship?

Vic: Like emotionally and physically present. I personally enjoy, like, face-to-face talks. It’s always important to stay connected with each other.

Janelle: Definitely. So, it gets kind of tough but sometimes if I’m on my phone I’ll go on Instagram and send him, like, a cute picture or something. Just to kind of include him in my research on my phone. You know, just so he’s not completely left out. But it’s nice just to be together. For me, you know, it’s just nice to have his presence and not be a thousand miles away or anything.

Vic: Oh my gosh. Long distance.

Myrtle: Oh that’s right, yes. You were in a long distance relationship. I forgot, yeah. So how, you know, being in a long distance relationship before, quality time must be important to your marriage. What does it mean to you to spend quality time together?

Vic:  It’s very important. You know, like especially preparing for a family. You know, we have busy schedules and we only get to see each other, gosh, like a couple of hours a day, you know? From the time we wake up to the time we have to already get ready for bed—having dinner and getting ready for bed. But you know we allot the weekend for our quality time. We just actually had a Buklod GMM—

Myrtle: Oh, and GMM, that’s the general monthly meeting of the Buklod, which are the married members inside the Church Of Christ.

Vic: —where they actually say advice to go out on little dates. We pretty much do that on the weekends. Sometimes we’ll do that on a weekday depending on, like, how the day goes, you know. If the sun is out and if we need ice cream. If there’s any little stress, there’s a need for ice cream.

Myrtle: [laughs] There’s always a need for ice cream. So Janelle, you said you enjoy your chats too and your quality time? Do you always prefer to, you know, just speak face-to-face?

Janelle: Most of the time, but, like, if there are times when we’re extra stressed or emotional, sometimes it’s easier for me to write out how I feel rather than just say it out loud. Because sometimes when you say things out loud—when you’re, like, angry or at a high emotional state—you say things that you don’t mean. So a lot of times it’s easier, like, “I’m going to text this to you.” Give me a second, and like let me text this to you because I can’t talk right now. I’m going to say something I don’t mean.

And so it took a while for Vic to understand that, because he can really say what he feels verbally. But for me, I’m like, “no, I need to gather how I feel,” and then write it down and maybe send it to you through a text, even if we’re right next to each other. Like it happened when we were long distance, and you know, now that we’re together, like, it’s something that I’m still working on because it’s something that’s difficult for me. So, that’s something that’s just, it’s kind of funny. But other than that, you know, it’s a lot of fun just being together.

Vic: Yeah.

Myrtle: Well, expressing your thoughts verbally can be more intimate than other methods of communication, but are there other ways that can help?

According to washingtonpost.com, “Texting can and should be a positive force in people’s lives, both in terms of emotional and physical health, they say — so long as it’s used correctly.”

But they did warn us not to use texting to avoid difficult face-to-face interactions.

“Don’t let it turn you away from the necessary vulnerability you need to feel in relationships,” Turkle said. “Is texting keeping me away from a necessary conversation? If not, enjoy.”

So, Janelle & Vic, how do you use things like messaging or texting to benefit your relationship?

Vic: When we were dating still, and early on in the relationship, we would always just text each other or DM (direct message) on Instagram. But I was always under my anxiety when she wouldn’t respond right away. Like I’m on the edge of my seat like when I ask her a question, you know, because we’ll have straight conversations and then all of a sudden I’ll hit this question and I wouldn’t be answered and I’m just like “What?”

Myrtle: It’s like, “where did she go?” [laughs]

Janelle: [laughs]

Vic: I used to always get mad. You don’t do that in a conversation with somebody face-to-face. Like you know, where we’re talking to each other and I ask you a question and you just don’t answer. But then again, that’s like texting. What I learned is you can’t really judge the conversations on texts that you have in real life, you know, or face-to-face.

Myrtle: For sure, especially if something comes up right?

Vic: Yeah.

Myrtle: And you get interrupted, and you intend to reply, but sometimes other things grab your attention. Is that kind of what happened, Janelle? 

Janelle: Yeah, that’s pretty much how it is, and I had to explain to him when you’re long distance, the reason why you text is because you’re not available to talk. If you want an answer right away, then let’s have a phone conversation or FaceTime. And so, that was a lot to understand when we were long distance, because I’m so used to if you’re texting, that means you’re not available to talk. If you’re talking, you don’t just hang up and ghost each other on the phone or just stop talking all of a sudden. 

Vic: I learned that. I learned that you have work to do—

Janelle: Yeah.

Vic: —when you’re at work.

Myrtle: Really? Wow, what a concept! [laughs]

Janelle: [laughs]

Vic: When you’re at lunch with somebody, you’re talking to them and not me.

Janelle: Yeah. [laughs]

Vic: Oh my goodness. I was such a kid, you know.

Myrtle: But now that you’re married, you know, you live in the same city, I’m assuming now, yes?

Both: Yeah [laughs]

Myrtle: So you still text each other during the day?

Janelle: We do.

Vic: Oh of course, yeah.

Janelle: Yeah, usually now it’s just during breaks and lunchtime. And he would send me pictures or, you know, random things throughout the day and vice versa, just to keep in touch. I mean, we’re only like 8 hours away from each other during the day.

Vic: But it’s like this world that we have together. Like, this is something she’ll only get. Stuff like that.

Janelle: Yeah.

Vic: I can’t text that to anybody else, you know. They won’t understand it.

Janelle: Or if I’m, like, stressed at work, or there’s something funny, I’ll have to share it with him right away before I forget.

Myrtle: Well, it’s great that you guys still try to include each other in your day, even if it’s just through something as simple as a text. So, that’s really wonderful. What else do you do to try to be 100% present for each other?

Vic: As much as we get to text each other throughout the day, you know, we just catch up. Like, “how’s your day going,” you know, just little updates of our day, right?

Myrtle: Yeah, check-ins right? Yeah.

Vic: There you go, check-ins. You know, I always want to know how she’s doing. I’m always thinking about her.

Janelle: And he does a really good job (of) keeping me in check when I’m just over-researching. [laughs]

Vic: [laughs]

Janelle: If I’m just having my cellphone addiction moments, you know, he would just be like, “hey…” [laughs]

Vic: “That’s too much research now.”

Janelle: Or just like, he’ll give me a task to do or something.

Vic: I’ll give her, like, a time. Like okay, at 1:33…

Myrtle: That’s it, you’re done. [laughs]

Vic: I’ll email this email. [laughs]

Janelle: Yeah he’ll put limits to it, so that way I’m not over-extending whatever I’m looking at on my phone. So that really helps me, because it is something that physically and mentally present is always something that’s really important.

Vic: You know, I’ll remind her. But then, the reminding her to do that, it reminds me—oh me too though. I don’t want to be like a hypocrite. I love reminding…

Myrtle: So no phone time for you, but you’ve got to abide by the same rules, right?

Vic: Yeah right?

Myrtle: So, were there some things that you noticed while you were in your long-distance relationship, communication-wise, that you kind of were able to catch then that helps you now in your marriage?

Janelle: Pretty much just being really, telling each other how we feel. It’s a really important thing because…and not to hold back. Because sometimes one of us would hold back on how we feel and later on…

Vic: It’s a big explosion

Janelle: Yeah.

Myrtle: Mmhmm. Yeah.

Vic: And we don’t keep scorecards. That’s a very toxic habit

Myrtle: Exactly.

Vic: And it always comes out in other peoples’ relationships, when they vent to me about so and so, it’s like they always say that but I’m like “Why did they have to say that in the first place?” Why did they have to bring up old stuff, you know?

Myrtle: Yeah.It’s kind of like, why did you let it get to that point where you did explode, right? So yeah, it’s great that you recognized that and are trying to avoid that.

So, we heard from our guests as well as a few articles we’ve quoted that smart phones do benefit a marriage when used correctly, but can also harm a marriage when used incorrectly. So, how can we maintain the right balance?

I don’t know about you but now I’m curious to hear what the Bible has to say. What guidelines can we take with us today that are from the Bible? To answer this, here’s a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ,  Brother Felmar Serreno. Hi Brother Felmar, how are you today?

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hello, Myrtle, hello to Vic and Janelle, our guests today, and to everyone who’s tuning into Happy Life. Doing very well, thank you, considering spring is here, as we are recording this podcast. It’s nice and sunny out right now. You know, thanks be to God in spite of everything, in spite of the pandemic, we’re staying positive and getting through it.

Myrtle: Yes, absolutely—staying positive and hopefully everybody is staying safe as well. So, Brother Felmar, as we heard Vic and Janelle discussing how the smartphone has affected their marriage,  is there something that the Bible has to say? What kind of guidelines can we take with us?

Brother Felmar: Yes, Myrtle, absolutely. Let’s get to that now. What guidelines does the Bible give when using things of this world, such as smartphones, computers and the internet? Let’s read what’s written in 1 Corinthians, chapter 7, verse 31 in the New International Reader’s Version.

Those who use the things of the world should not become all wrapped up in them. The world as it now exists is passing away.

[1 Corinthians 7:31 New International Reader’s Version]

Brother Felmar: Using smartphones, computers and the internet is not evil in itself. In fact, they can help us when it comes to our services to God, in our livelihood or education, in our marriage and even in finding entertainment. But, how we use these technologies can become evil if we allow ourselves to get enwrapped in it that we cannot control our usage, and then the fulfillment of our responsibilities towards our marriage—and, above all, to God—suffers because of it. Thus, there should be self-control in how we use such technologies.

Quite ironic, wouldn’t you say, Myrtle, how the smartphone can be a cause of interference in the communication and relationship between husband and wife.

Myrtle: Absolutely, and I know that I’m guilty of it too, especially just doing research or I can get distracted by social media posts and scrolling through them.

Brother Felmar: Yes, I’m sure on some level, all of us you know, in one way or another we have similar experiences with this. The thing is though, like what we are learning from the Holy Scriptures, we should not allow ourselves to get enwrapped in it, right, to the point where, you know, at times other married couples could be in the same room together, but their heart and mind are miles away from each other. Well, this is definitely not what God has intended for married couples. As we heard from the Bible in our past episodes, in God’s design of marriage, husband and wife are to help each other; care for one another; pray together; love each other.

Now what’s another guideline from the Bible that should be remembered when using things of this world? Still here in the Book of 1 Corinthians, chapter 6 this time, verse 12 in the Easy-To-Read Bible:

“I am allowed to do anything,” you say. My answer to this is that not all things are good. Even if it is true that “I am allowed to do anything,” I will not let anything control me like a slave.

[1 Corinthians 6:12 Easy-To-Read Bible]

Brother Felmar: Apostle Paul said, “I will not let anything control me like a slave.” A slave follows whomever he recognizes as his master. So let us not allow things that lead to evil to master us or overtake us.

It would be evil in the sight of God for a husband or wife to neglect their spouse for any reason, including excessive use of the smartphone or other technologies. Did you notice what the Bible also said? “‘I am allowed to do anything,’ you say. My answer to this is that not all things are good’” is what we heard from the Bible. So although we ‘can’ do something (like texting, or playing games online, or putting up posts on social media) but we must be careful that in so doing, we are not compromising on what is good. Well, what is good? In the Book of Romans, chapter 7, verse 12 in the New King James Version, it explains:

“Therefore the law is holy, and the commandment holy and just and good.”

[Romans 7:12 New King James Version]

Brother Felmar: It is God’s law or commandments which are good. That’s why as members of the Church Of Christ, the Church Administration leads us to always consider first what is good before we do something.

Therefore, while we can use our smartphones, the internet, our computers, however, we must not allow such things to cause harm to our relationship with our spouse— and above all our relationship with God.

So how can husband and wife make sure that we don’t go overboard with our usage of these technologies?

Look at what the Bible says here in the Book of Ecclesiastes, chapter 3, verse 1 in the Modern Language Bible:

“For everything, there is an appointed season and there is a proper time for every project under heaven.”

[Ecclesiastes 3:1 Modern Language Bible]

Brother Felmar: According to the Bible, everything has a proper time. So, from spending time on our smartphones to spending quality time with our spouse, these should also be put in their proper time. So, why not discuss these things with your spouse if you haven’t already? Why not plan things out together? Make a schedule and help each other develop good habits?

It was nice to hear how, Vic and Janelle, they message or text each other throughout the day, you know just to catch up. They mentioned how they send each other light-hearted messages, jokes, to lighten their mood throughout the day or even just to give each other a good laugh. Do you do the same, Myrtle, with your husband Paul?

Myrtle: We try to as well, do little check-ins with each other, even if it’s something as simple as asking each other, “what’s for dinner tonight?”

Brother Felmar: Yes, yes, very nice. For me and my wife, one example we can share is, when either of us is out on the road, we make sure to message each other just to make sure we got to our destination safely.

Another example, like Janelle mentioned, it’s her personal preference right. She finds it easier for herself to convey what she’s really thinking, you know especially through a stressed or emotional situation. She finds it easier to gather her thoughts and then to send that to her husband, you know, just to make sure that she doesn’t say something verbally that she doesn’t mean.

So, these are examples or instances when using our smartphone becomes beneficial to the relationship. On the other hand, what do other married couples do to refrain from going overboard? They schedule their quality time together and come to the agreement that during those moments, they give their 100% or undivided attention to each other, which means putting away the gadgets, the smartphones and what-have-you.

In the Church Of Christ, we make it a point to hold what’s called the Family Hour on a regular basis, right. Family Hour is not just for the purpose of spending time together. We also receive timely reminders, and we pray together, and we meditate on, we’re grateful for and we celebrate together the blessings we receive from the Lord God.

In summary, we learned from the Bible today that: (1) we should put everything in its proper time, (2) we should always consider and prioritize what is good, which are God’s commandments, and (3) we should have self-control; stopping ourselves when something is already leading us to do evil or to do wrong.

To the newlyweds, it is our hope and prayer that the Bible-based guidelines you learned about today will help you maintain balance in your life and harmony in your marriage.

Myrtle: Brother Felmar, we appreciate once again the spiritual and biblical advice that you were able to share, because it definitely benefits all of us.

Brother Felmar: Yes, praises be to the Lord God. Grateful to be here again on Happy Life. May everyone continue to stay safe. One in prayers and God bless to us all.

Myrtle: Alright, back to our newlyweds, Janelle and Vic. Do you devote time to pray about your marriage, and what do you request from God in terms of maybe being able to improve on your communication?

Vic: Yeah, we pray every morning, every night. We even have a devotional prayer together specifically for our marriage and our family. And we also have our own separate devotional prayers by ourselves throughout the day—that we plan everything together, our future, and set our goals.

Myrtle: And how do you feel about when issues are unavoidable? How do you put your faith in God when you do hit rough patches? What are things that you ask from God then? 

Vic: Just His guidance, you know. We always pray for peace and like happiness in our life, to always put Him first. And, you know, when you do that, you have the confidence that everything will be okay. And we’re 100% on the same page with that, so when we hit a rough patch, we’re always actually saved by prayer. My alarm would go off for the prayer and we’ve had time to breathe. We kind of just come to and fall back together again in prayer. And of course everything will come out, everything that’s been held in.

Myrtle: Janellle, do you want to add to any of that?

Janelle: Definitely. So, when we pray and we trust in God, especially for me, I mentioned I love planning things, I love planning ahead. But we know it’s not up to us, you know. Everything is God’s will and so we really have to trust that whatever happens, it’s up to God and that He’s going to take care of everything. And we’ve seen it so many times throughout our relationship that there are just things that didn’t happen our way, but when we prayed about it and trusted God, we were like, “wow, this was…”

Vic: Way better than what we were expecting.

Janelle: Yeah. A lot better. So it really reinforced our faith and our trust even more, and we know that prayer and how we live our lives as Christians is really the way to do it. It’s really the way to have a healthy marriage.

Myrtle: Trusting God is really so very important. In fact, we’ll learn more about this in our next episode when we talk to a couple who got married during the pandemic. Hopefully you’re as excited as I am to hear about their journey to their big day. For today, thank you so much to Vic and Janelle for being so candid in our topic of discussion!

Janelle & Vic: Thank you

Vic: Thanks for having us. Really, really cool. This was pretty fun.

[Music starts]

Myrtle: We hope we all learned how to be present for our spouse in all aspects of marriage, and we hope we are all inspired to put the phones down when needed. And with that, we’ve wrapped up our series on Effective Communication in Marriage. We truly hope these episodes were able to bring some insight into different challenges with communication between married couples and provide helpful and inspirational biblical advice.

That’s all we have for today! Please remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know! To learn more about Christian relationships please visit incmedia.org.  And if you’d like to say hi or send us a question, please email us at info@incmedia.org with the subject Happy Life.

Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today, and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessing of marriage.

[Music ends]

[Show closes]

[Show opens]

Myrtle Alegado (host): Disagreements, quarrels, little arguments, or squabbles, these are all terms people use when there’s some conflict. And in marriage, some may say that little disputes or disagreements can be healthy, and even help you learn more about your spouse. But conflict that recurs or lingers over an extended period of time could have negative consequences on married life. And let’s talk about that today.

Welcome to Happy Life. This new podcast, brought to you by INCMedia, helps newlyweds navigate through the first months and years of marriage to remind us all that marriage is a blessing. I’m Myrtle Alegado and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999.

[Catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.

Myrtle: On the website psychologytoday.com, they mentioned something called the Romantic Relationships Scale, and there are 30 items that cover the sources of disagreements in romantic relationships.

Some of them included: not showing enough love or affection, lack of communication, one not paying enough attention to the other, and not being appreciated, things that deal with chores and responsibilities like housekeeping, and other tasks at home and who does more work. And finally, these items such as goals in life, future plans, children, who should pay for something, or if one uses all the other’s money.

And to share their thoughts on disagreements in marriage, we have Martin and Erica, who are newlyweds from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. They got married [in] October of 2019. Hi Zerrudos! How are you two doing?

Martin Zerrudo: Hi!

Erica Zerrudo: Hi!

Martin: Thanks for having us.

Myrtle: How are you today?

Erica: We’re doing well, doing well. Thank you for asking.

Martin: [laughs] Excited to be part of this show. Thank you for having us.

Myrtle: From the list that I just read to you, can you relate to one of those reasons for disagreements or a few or maybe all of them?

Erica: [laughs] Well, I think definitely at first, you know, you’re adjusting to each other. So, definitely the lack of communication and maybe one not paying enough attention to the other, and you know, not showing enough love or affection when the other person needs it, definitely.

Martin: Yeah, I think because we were long distance, right, you can really show affection just through the phone or through a video call or you know, sending each other care packages. But once we were married, you know, very much excited to be in love and to be with each other physically, but we were still trying to kind of figure out, like you know, when you’re on the same flow in terms of when is the right time to show affection—does somebody need more, does somebody need less? And you’re kind of just learning that as you go along, because you know, we didn’t have the ability to kind of figure that out because we were long-distance. So I think, definitely that. We’re working from home during the pandemic and it just so happens that the pandemic was the same time as the first year of our marriage.

Erica [laughs]

Myrtle: Right, yeah.

Martin: And so we got to spend the time together physically because we had to stay at home, but at the same time, I’m working from home so it didn’t necessarily allow me to give the focused attention that I could have even if we were in the same space for a long time.

Myrtle: Yeah, definitely. Everybody’s busy these days with, you know, multitasking. And you did mention you were both in a long distance relationship prior to marriage. So, what do you wish you had known about facing disagreements together before saying your “I dos?”

Erica: You want to take this one?

Martin: [laughs]

Myrtle: [laughs] You’re both pointing fingers at each other?

Erica: Yeah! [laughs]

Martin: Yeah, no, pointing smiles at each other. Who wants to take this one? No, you take it, honey. No…

So for a long distance, yeah, obviously, the only way that that’s going to survive—outside of prayer and having faith that you’re meant to be—is communication. And, you know, just to be quite frank, like, we’re 9 years apart, and so Erica is in her early 20s and I’m in my early 30s, and so we’re at different stages in life. And so, the things that we’re going through from day to day, whether it be work or duties or responsibilities, they’re different.

And so we had to adapt to that and be mindful of that, knowing that, you know, there are certain things that she has to do at this stage in her life, there are certain things that I have to do at my stage in life. And if we wanted to make the relationship work, we just have to be conscious and aware of that so that we can communicate effectively, you know?

Myrtle: Right.

Martin: Her hour or window of opportunity to communicate may not always be the same for me, and vice versa, just because we have different responsibilities and lifestyles. So, definitely, that was one of the challenges and areas of disagreement, is finding those windows where we’re, we’re both available to give quality time for each other.

Erica: [agrees] I feel like it’s also, mistakes are for learning, kind of deal. You try and bring up a problem or you know, just something that’s been on your mind. And you see if this is a good timing, oh it’s not a good timing. You gotta read what’s his headspace, what his day was like. Okay, maybe he likes it, when we’re both sitting down, when we’re both calm, when we both don’t have a lot on our schedule anymore, then I can bring it up and we can have as much time as we need for this conversation to happen.

Myrtle: You know, what Martin said, a few of our other couples have said, you know, our spouse isn’t a mind-reader. So adjusting to, you know, the little nuances of how the other person may kind of, react to certain things or scenarios and even words, that was probably a big thing, in terms of adjusting to each other.

But can I also ask you, you said you finally moved in together during the pandemic and you had to go through those adjustments. So Erica, can you talk a little bit about what that situation was like?

Erica: Yes. So when we first got married, when I first arrived to Canada, at the time Martin was living with his parents, so we adjusted, like, living into his room which at the time was a twin bed, it was—

Myrtle: Oh [laughs]

Erica: —a cute little closet, yeah. And so… [laughs] Moving in with my, you know, suitcases and luggages, we were like “Oh man, where are we going to put everything?”

Martin: Can I just pause? So, we live in Toronto. In Toronto, you know, it’s a metropolis. We live in a townhouse, multiple levels. So, Toronto is all about, like dense, compact living, right?

Myrtle: Right.

Martin: And Erica is from the South. She’s from Atlanta and her house is a little bit off into the suburbs. So she’s got a, you know she grew up, at least when she was in Atlanta, in this huge property, huge backyard.

Erica: It’s not huge.

Martin: I mean, for her it’s not huge, but in comparison to a townhouse in Toronto, it’s, like, gigantic. And so, like, her bedroom has a queen bed, she has her own walk-in closet, she has her own bathroom, and that’s the norm. It’s not like she’s wealthy or anything,

Myrtle: Oh, wow.

Martin: But that’s just the norm in the community in the area where she lives, where it’s just massive properties and houses. Whereas here in Toronto, the norm is, yeah, we’re either all in buildings or in townhouses. It’s very densely populated. So you can imagine her adjustment like, “Hey, thanks for marrying me. Let’s live in this box.”

Erica: [laughs]

Myrtle: [laughs] Although I’m sure she was, you know, very grateful that your parents allowed you to both move in there and get your start in life.

Erica: Absolutely. Especially, you know, financially. So, they’re very understanding, and we’re very grateful for that. They always tell us, all the time, “Hey, if you want to like come over,” or “Here’s some food to help you guys out a little bit.” They’re always sweet to us, so we’re always thankful for that. They tried their best, you know, helping me to adapt to a new city, new life, marriage.

Martin: (faintly) Winter.

Erica: Yeah, winter in the quarantine,-

Myrtle: [laughs] Winter.

Erica: –which no one’s gone through before. So yeah, just, you had to adapt to, not only, your husband, but his parents, to his siblings and also his sibling’s wife, so the in-laws as well. So, it was pretty packed in the house, but you adjust to each other’s scheduling and where to navigate yourself in the house and how each other, like, how they like to clean… yeah.

Myrtle: So during that time, you know, when you were together and you had disagreements, how did you adjust to each other and how did you handle them?

Martin: I think, I mean one of the challenges is, you know, we’re in a bedroom but not necessarily the most private in terms of like other people in the home. You don’t want to argue in front of other people but sometimes you’re upset at each other and you’re standing in the kitchen. Like, what do we do?

Myrtle: Right, yeah.

Martin: You’re upset with each other, but you’re in the living room and somebody’s trying to watch TV, like it’s pretty awkward. I remember the late Brother Rod Bruno, we were actually recording an episode of Heart and Soul, and he gave me this example. He goes, “It doesn’t really matter if the wife is right or if the husband is right, because the point is, in principle—the point is peace.”

Myrtle: Right.

Martin: And so, when it came to those small disagreements that we would have, in the first year of our marriage, in the shared townhome with my family, we really had to focus on that. Okay, you did something, I got upset. I did something, you got upset. But the point is, not who’s right or wrong, but peace. And that’s really how we were able to get through it, was with that mindset.

Myrtle: That’s a great mindset, and you know, with the pandemic going on and so much happening, there’s so much worry, so much stress, there’s loss. How has that affected how you handle disagreements with each other?

Erica: We have loved ones, you know, pass away.

Myrtle: Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.

Erica: Just, either health issues or from COVID. But either way, we learned that, you know, life’s too short to be fighting. That at the end of the day, you know, it’s about love and peace.

Myrtle: So Martin, I want to go to the blog that you wrote and it was what you learned in the first 100 days of marriage. And in your blog, you kind of kept mentioning that you would just say sorry and say sorry to-

Martin: [laughs]

Myrtle: -like you said, to avoid arguments, right?

Martin: Yeah.

Myrtle: But then Erica, kind of, caught on and can you elaborate a little bit about that?

Erica: It was like, “Okay, you’re saying sorry, but why? Why are you saying sorry?” And he was like, “I don’t know why I’m saying sorry. I just don’t want to fight anymore, so I thought sorry would do it.”

Martin: And maybe that kind of worked for like the first couple, but then, afterwards she just started to catch on and I started to catch on because it’s good as like a bandaid, like temporarily.

Myrtle: Right.

Martin: Like, “Hey, let’s pick our battles. So, we’re not going to fight about this one. Okay, you’re sorry, I’m sorry—okay, great.” But then, for the things that, maybe it really matters for Erica, for us to kind of delve into what’s going on, and vice versa, if I’m like, “Hey don’t just say sorry. I want to know, I want to be able to communicate and go through what’s happening.” You can’t just kind of blanket it with ‘I’m sorry.’

Myrtle: Mmhmm.

Martin: That’s kind of what was my approach. For me, I’m very like, I guess stereotypically, like A to B. For a guy, “What’s the problem? Okay, what did I do? What did I say? Is that what I said? Is that what I did? Okay, I’m sorry for what I said, I’m sorry for what I did. Are we okay now?”

Erica: Promise.

Martin: “I promise I won’t do this again. I’m sorry—okay great.”

Myrtle: [laughs]

Martin: And sometimes you kind of just want to shortcut it like, “You’re mad? Okay, great. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Okay cool, can we just move on now?”

Myrtle: Just get to the ‘I’m sorry’. [laughs]

Martin: Yeah, let’s get to the ‘I’m sorry’ and I think, you know, it’s not necessarily fair whether you’re a guy or you’re a girl, and you’re kind of the person that wants, at that moment, to digest it. Sometimes, you just want to be able to communicate how you feel and have that person hear how you feel, and to kind of just get that door closed on you, like, “I’m sorry!”—it’s not very considerate of the other person emotionally-

Myrtle: For sure, yeah.

Martin: -and vice versa. What if I’m in that moment where I want to be able to express how I feel and then she’s like, “It’s fine, I’m sorry”, and that’s it? It’s not very, it’s not always conducive when it comes to emotional growth.

Myrtle: And then for resolving conflict, it sounds like you kind of both have different ways of going about it as well?

Martin: Yeah, I think, I mean Erica’s very blunt. I can also be blunt, but I think Erica just is naturally very open with how she’s feeling at the moment. Early on, you might be like, “Wow, why are you saying those things?” It might come across as rude or mean or unkind, but for me I have to learn, what is the intention of it?

If she’s saying something, is it to help me, to correct me, to show me something that I need to change, you know? And then other times, maybe yeah, she’s emotional and she’s upset, but being able to read that helps in resolving a conflict. Because while it doesn’t help if I get caught up in misreading her intention, and then I’m just getting mad over the wrong thing or I’m just getting mad over something that’s not necessarily speaking to why she’s saying those things.

And for me, like, I grew up in a household of like constant yelling. And I remember when I was a kid one time, I was like, “Mom,” like she was yelling about something. And I don’t even think she was necessarily mad. I said, “Hey, can you not yell? You can just tell me what you want me to do without yelling. Like, why are you always yelling?” She turned to me, she was like, “I yell because I yell, okay? I just yell.”

Myrtle: [laughs]

Martin: So, I think, when we got married, in those moments where you may get emotional or might get upset, and I may think like, “Oh, Erica’s yelling or she’s raising her voice.”—I’m very sensitive to that. Like, “Hey can we just not, can we not yell?” And sometimes I don’t even know that I’m raising my voice and I’m yelling as well, and she’s like, “Hey, you need to calm down.” And I’m like, “I am calm!” And then I’m like, “Oh, I’m not calm, I’m yelling.” [laughs]

Myrtle: It’s almost like a little trigger, huh?

Martin: Yeah, oh I hate it, I hate it. The yelling triggers me a lot, a lot. And I mean, I’m not saying I’m not guilty of it myself, but yeah. But and vice versa, like I mentioned earlier, I’m sensitive to the yelling but I’m almost overcompensating with the silence where I kind of store it all up inside and I don’t really say anything. So, it’s hard for Erica even if she’s yelling or not yelling to kind of understand what I’m going through if I’m not saying anything, so it’s kind of like a Catch-22. [laughs]

Myrtle: Well, it sounds like you’re both kind of on the way to understanding how you each deal with, you know, issues and misunderstandings and conflict. And that’s at least, you know, a good basis to start developing your understanding.

And at this point in our discussion, let’s bring back Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. Hi again, Brother Felmar, how are you doing today?

Brother Felmar Serreno: I’m doing well, Sister Myrtle. Hello to you, hello to Brother Martin and Sister Erica, and to everyone who’s tuning in again, here with us on Happy Life.

Myrtle: As you’ve heard, Brother Felmar, today, Erica and Martin have been sharing, you know, how they’ve handled some of their disagreements in marriage. What advice can we take with us today, based on the Bible, when it comes to handling disagreements?

Brother Felmar: Well, may I first start by saying that if anyone listening right now is feeling anxious, because maybe an argument between you and your spouse has happened recently, we pray that the Lord God may help you right now to be calm, and open to receiving guidance.

Disagreements in marriage are normal—they do happen. After all, we are NOT perfect beings; there is a limit to what we know at present, and there is a limit to what we can foresee. Note, too, that as individuals we have different upbringings; different individual qualities. But while disagreements are to be expected in marriage, what Bible-based principle should be remembered when they arise? Allow me to read for you what can be found in the Book of Ephesians, chapter 5, verses 28 to 29, in the Good News Bible:

“…A man who loves his wife loves himself. None of us ever hate our own bodies. Instead, we feed them, and take care of them, just as Christ does the church;” [Ephesians 5:28-29 Good News Bible]

Brother Felmar: The Bible is clear, “A man who loves his wife loves himself. None of us ever hate our own bodies.” What can we learn from this? Treat your spouse the way you want to be treated. Don’t treat your spouse the way you don’t want to be treated.

So to the newlyweds listening, the next time a disagreement might occur between you and your spouse—for it not to escalate, please consider the following: If you don’t like being interrupted or cut off while you’re trying to express yourself, don’t do it to your spouse. If you don’t like feeling insulted; spoken to sarcastically or condescendingly, don’t do it to your spouse.

If you like being given a moment to collect your thoughts and calm your emotions before continuing a discussion, so why not do that for your spouse. If you like being listened to when you’re explaining your side, so do the same to your spouse; listen well when he or she is speaking.

Let’s move on to another point. According to many research studies, some of the leading causes for disagreements and problems in marriage are: money, in-laws, differences on matters of religion (or level of faith) and even opposing preferences in spending leisure time. However, what must we also stop to consider when there is distress or lack of peace? In the Book of Deuteronomy, chapter 31, verse 17 in the New International Version, the Bible reveals to us this:

“And in that day I will become angry with them and forsake them; I will hide my face from them, and they will be destroyed. Many disasters and calamities will come on them, and in that day they will ask, ‘Have not these disasters come on us because our God is not with us?’”

[Deuteronomy 31:17 New International Version]

Brother Felmar: According to the verse we read, when disasters would come upon God’s people, God said they would ask, “Have not these disasters come on us because our God is not with us?” So that’s what married couples should reflect on. Have disasters come into their life because God is not with them?

Now this obviously is very bad news for a married couple. Upon reflecting, we realize that God is not present in our marriage. And why is that? Because according to the Bible (and we’ve studied this in our previous podcasts), it is God who joins husband and wife in holy matrimony. It is by God’s laws and commandments that husband and wife are bound to each other in marriage. Therefore, a married couple should be benefiting from God’s companionship in their married life.

However, here we are hearing that it is possible for God to distance Himself from us—but why would God do that? When would He do that? What would prompt the Lord God to end up distancing Himself from His people?—even from a married couple that He had joined together? Let’s find out the answer here in the Book of Isaiah, chapter 59, verse 2, in the New King James Version we can read:

“But your iniquities have separated you from your God; And your sins have hidden His face from you, So that He will not hear.”

[Isaiah 59:2 New King James Version]

Brother Felmar: So, iniquity or sin is the leading cause for lack of God’s presence in our life (or none at all). In married life, this can only lead to things like recurring disagreements, tensions, and heartbreak. Which is why we must not commit sins like adultery; or giving into things like drugs or drinking alcohol, or any other kind of vice. For how can we expect God’s love, peace, and blessings to enter our marriage, if we will allow wickedness to enter instead?

So just in case there’s a husband or wife listening to this right now who may be asking, “How then can we have God back in our life and harmony back

in our marriage?”

Listen please to what we can read in the Book of Malachi, chapter 3, verse 7, in the Christian Community Bible, God says:

“Since the day of your ancestors you stray from my ordinances and do not practice them. Return to me and I will return to you, says [the LORD] of hosts. …”

[Malachi 3:7 Christian Community Bible]

Brother Felmar: Which is why in the Church Of Christ that we are members of, we are taught from the Holy Scriptures that if we have committed sins and mistakes, we should repent, renew our life and return to God. And for so long as a married couple retains God in their life, all disagreements will be resolved, without compromising the harmony between husband and wife.

Myrtle: As always, Brother Felmar, we thank you for sharing those words from the Bible with all of us.

Brother Felmar: Thank you as well to you Sister Myrtle. More power to the Happy Life team, and God bless always to the married couples.

[22:47 – BREAK]
Before we get back to our newlyweds, I just wanted to mention that Martin is the host of Heart and Soul. It’s another podcast produced by INCMedia. So make sure you check that out and other podcasts like The God’s Message Podcast and the Faith and Family podcast.

Myrtle: Alright, so back to our guests, Martin and Erica, how much of an impact does having the same faith as members of the Church Of Christ have on your relationship? Does it help in any way when there are disagreements?

Erica: It’s a huge impact. You know, in those times of disagreements, you look at each other and then you realize, hey, this is…you have to remember that this is God’s blessing. Treat it like it’s your blessing. Show God that, you know, this relationship is worthy of His love, worthy of His blessings. And you base your relationship off of your faith in the Church Of Christ. Through those times, I can remember, you know, Martin reminding me that in (being) long-distance that we’ve got this, because God’s got us. We have our prayers, we’re very prayerful. We had our devotional prayers and, as goals and aspirations as a couple, we wanted to get married—we wanted to have a ‘happy life’ together. Look at that.

Myrtle: [laughs]

Erica: And, because we’re members of the Church Of Christ, we truly believe in our prayers, and with time, we truly see that God’s blessings showered. He really does guide your plans.

Myrtle: So Martin how does, you know, prayer, kind of, shape how you handle being a husband in the relationship?

Martin: You know, like, just to speak to what Erica was saying, we met each other at Washington, DC on a chance encounter during rehearsals for C3, for the….

Myrtle: Yes, you guys had the best hashtag for your wedding.

Erica and Martin: [laughs]

Myrtle: From C3 to eternity!

Martin: C3 to eternity. You think about that, like, oh a guy from Toronto, a girl from Atlanta. They met in Washington, DC for a huge Church event. And then, you know, age gap, long distance—there’s no way that’s going to work out.

And when you’re a member of the Church Of Christ, it’s all the more possible because those plans—however impossible it might seem to the world—is guided by God. And we’re proof of that, and we’re thankful for that, and it’s something that we include in our prayer every single day, to cherish this seemingly impossible relationship that blossomed out of faith and prayer.

Myrtle: For sure, yeah. I’m a product of a long distance relationship myself, so-

Martin: Right?

Myrtle: –I absolutely know where you’re coming from.

Martin: And you guys used letters. Like, what is instant messaging?

Myrtle: What was a jpeg, you know?

Erica: [laughs]

Myrtle: We had to mail photos—that we had to print—to each other. Okay, now I’m aging myself.

Martin: [laughs].

Myrtle: Let’s move on. [laughs]

Erica: [laughs]

Myrtle: So Erica, you did mention that with this pandemic, you’ve experienced some loss too with family. What do you pray for now, in terms of how this pandemic has affected you and your marriage?

Erica: You know especially, yeah, with the pandemic, you realize that life’s too short and that, you know, we pray in our devotional prayers that God will take care of all of us and keep us healthy and safe, and all of our loved ones and friends, that everyone’s going to be okay. That God’s plan will you know pan out and that He will always keep us all safe but bless us especially in our duties so that all of us can be united in one faith, so that we’ll all be together in the end.

Myrtle: Absolutely. So why don’t we finish up our discussion today with this question: “When it comes to disagreements, what are you both still working on in your marriage?”

Martin: I think we’re at this stage now of being as goal-oriented as we can be. Right now, knowing the pandemic has hurt a lot of people, like Erica said everybody, everybody is suffering.

Myrtle: Yes.

Martin: And right now we’re in a position where we’re very, very blessed. We’re very, very taken care of in every aspect of our marriage at this point. And so really, our goal isn’t so much like ‘what are we trying to figure out that you know, that we’re fighting over.’ Our goal is how do we share as much of the blessings that we’ve received to our, to the immediate ones that need it the most in our life. With God’s help together, as a married couple, how can we help spread the blessings and share what we have with the ones who aren’t as fortunate right now.

Myrtle: For sure, yeah. So it was so great to talk to you both today.

Erica: Thank you so much for having us in your podcast. You’ve opened up a conversation that we don’t usually have on a regular basis, but appreciating each other you need to have those times too.

Myrtle:  We thank you for sharing that, because you know what you really have to hold onto is each other, and your love for each other, and the blessing that God did give you through marriage.

So, we heard how Martin & Erica have learned to deal with little conflicts in their marriage. And most of all, we heard God’s words and advice through the Bible. We hope that all of this information will help every married couple to get over any tough spots when it comes to handling disagreements between husband and wife.

Now, for our next episode we have a topic that falls under the ‘inadequate attention’ category. What do you do when your spouse has tuned out and they’re physically there but maybe mentally somewhere else? We’ll be delving into that interesting topic next time, so make sure that you tune in!

And that’s all we have for you today. To learn more about Christian relationships please visit www.incmedia.org. If you have any questions or just want to send us a message, email us at [email protected] with the subject Happy Life.

Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today, and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessing of marriage.

[Show closes]

[Show opens]

Sis. Myrtle Alegado (Host): When your alarm goes off, you wake up and think about whether or not you should press that snooze button, right? Multiple times, every day, we make decisions. They could be small or inconsequential, and then there are those major ones that could be life-changing.

On the website www.goroberts.edu, it states that an adult makes about 35,000 remotely conscious decisions each day. And as surprising as it may sound, as a matter of fact, we make 226.7 decisions each day on just food alone, according to researchers at Cornell University. For me, I start my day by choosing between maybe a coffee or cappuccino, and whether or not I’ll have toast or cereal, or if I’m actually going to eat breakfast at all.

Now, those are just some examples of the small decisions we make on our own. What about when we get married and have to make decisions with our spouse— especially big decisions? Could it be that much different? How should married couples go about making decisions?

Welcome to Happy Life, the newest podcast brought to you by INCMedia that helps newlyweds navigate through the first months of marriage. I’m Myrtle Alegado and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since May of 1999.

[Catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.

Myrtle: According to www.tonyrobbins.com, in an article contributed by David Hilton of Life Marriage Retreats: In a relationship, the number of decisions we make on our own may decrease significantly, not because every decision must be made together, but we now consider the impact of our choices on the other person. Now, why is it so important that we give great care to the choices we make as a married couple?

In an article “Decision-Making In Marriage” written by Dr. David Isaacs on www.familylifeinstitutes.org, it is usually said that bad decision-making is one of the leading causes of problems in matrimony. As part of our ‘Effective Communication in Marriage’ series, in this episode we’ll learn about decision-making as a newlywed couple.

And to share with us their experiences as a married couple for three years now, here with us today from Calgary, Alberta, Canada are Patrick and Zandrhea De Guzman. Welcome to Happy Life, Patrick and Zandrhea! How are you both today?

Zandrhea De Guzman: Hi everyone! It’s so great to be here.

Patrick De Guzman: Hey, we’re doing good!

Myrtle: Good to hear! We’re happy to have you here. So, it’s normal and common for newlyweds to face a lot of firsts, new beginnings, different opportunities, and big decisions as a couple. So, Pat and Zandy, can you share with us some examples of major decisions you’ve made together, and how you went about them?

Patrick: Sure, I could start with our wedding. I guess that probably was our first big decision that we had to make. Knowing that we wanted to pay for our wedding ourselves, you know, we had to make cuts, right? And so, some of the things we were considering were how many people could we invite, what is our budget. As grand of a wedding we wanted, we also wanted to make sure that it’s within our budget. So, I want to say, yeah, maybe the wedding planning alone. Also, really, where do we choose where to live?

Zandrhea: Definitely, yeah. That was one of the big ones. I mean, I guess from my end, both of us, we’re both working so it would be possibly our careers, what we want to do in life—if that affects either of us—what we think of, our dreams, our aspirations when it comes to our careers. So that’s… Yeah, those were big ones for us.

Myrtle: Can you share with us what your careers are currently?

Zandrhea: I’m currently a legal assistant at a law firm.

Patrick: And I’m a multimedia developer.

Myrtle: And then you’re juggling your careers and trying to adjust to married life. And do you also have hobbies on the side?

Zandrhea: Yes, I like to take photos. So I guess you would say I’m sort of an amateur photographer. So, I kind of chase that when I’m not working. 

Myrtle: That’s awesome.

Patrick: I feel like there’s no shortage of hobbies. I’ve recently gotten into filmmaking before that. I’m still doing it. I like to paint. Yeah, so there’s a lot of stuff there, and I guess Zan just picked up a…I guess she’s a plant lady now? I don’t know.

Zandrhea: Oh yes.

Myrtle: [laughs]

Zandrhea: Now I’m also a mother of plants. [laughs]

Myrtle: All of those things factor into deciding, right, how you’re going to juggle, how are you going to make time for everything. And then, you mentioned deciding where to live. Did you have that discussion before you got married, and how did you come to a decision on that?

Patrick and Zandrhea: [laughs]

Patrick: There’s a lot there. Because the thing for me is I’m very logical in a sense, and Zan is a…

Zandrhea: I’m a free spirit. [laughs]

Myrtle: [laughs]

Patrick: There we go. That’s a good way to put it. On the moving part, that one’s kind of interesting. So, I like to stay in one place. Zan doesn’t. Well, that’s not true.

Zandrhea: No.

Patrick: She likes different things.

Zandrhea: I like experiencing different areas of the city, apparently. [laughs]

Myrtle: [laughs]

Patrick: Right. Obviously, after our wedding, one of the bigger questions that we had was, you know, ‘where would we live?’ Initially, we lived downtown, and that’s primarily because that’s where we worked and that’s where, I guess, everything is. Within like first two, three years, we probably moved three times.

Myrtle: Oh wow.

Patrick: It was fun.

Zandrhea: Was it three times? I think it was two.

Patrick: I want to say four, but I’ll give you a discount.

Zandrhea: [laughs]

Myrtle: [laughs]

Zandrhea: Okay, three times, whatever. It’s fine. [laughs] Yeah, and you know what though? With that, I feel like it was hard for me to convince Patrick when I wanted to move, only because when you’re a newlywed, you don’t really know what you want in terms of space. And again, with the whole budgeting thing, we’re like, let’s maybe live downtown but go to a place that we can afford. With… when we’re newlyweds, because we’re learning how, I guess, to split our budgets, and how much space do we really need? We didn’t really know that at first. We just thought, ‘Oh this is a great location. It’s within our budget. Let’s go here.’ But, within, I think, within six months I was like, “We bought way too much stuff and I think we’re going to need to move.” So…

Myrtle: And you needed a bigger space already? [laughs]

Zandrhea: Apparently. Well, I mean, I think if you go from a 550-square foot house or a condo, and there’s two of you, and one of them likes to paint—and I’m not blaming that on you. [laughs]

Patrick: You know, I’ll take it. It’s fine.

Zandrhea: It was a lot of our stuff that we accumulated in our first year of marriage. It was kind of, we outgrew it really quickly. So, yeah…

Myrtle: So, you obviously convinced him somehow, because you said you did move. So, how did that discussion go and, you know, what did you do to convince Patrick that it was a good decision for you both?

Zandrhea: Maybe I’ll talk about our third move? I wanted to live near my parents, my family. I have a small family, so they would occasionally come visit us and it was too far for them at times because of church. We would only see each other on church days, so I thought it would probably be best to be in the neighborhood closest to my family. So, I had to really convince him. Aside from the fact that, you know, of course we’ll be near our family and we’ll be able to see them more often, I had to be more specific in the reasons why I thought that it was a good decision. As Pat mentioned, he’s a logical thinker, so he’s the type of person who likes to see what you mean by ‘this is a good decision.’ So, I just made it seem that we were saving money and we would spend less on gas. I made a…I guess I’ll let Pat talk about that. [laughs]

Patrick: Okay, so here: Is it further away from work? Yes. Did we save money? Actually, no. But for some reason we’re happier and, I mean, I’ll take that over anything else. Like she said, we’re closer to her family. If they need something, we can be there and vice versa.

So, this is how she really convinced me. I like numbers, and so she decided to put together, I think it was an Excel spreadsheet with literally everything from, ‘hey, this is how big our tank is, this is how far our travel is everyday, this is how much gas is between now and I don’t know when.’ And so, I looked at it and I just said I was really impressed. So I [said], “You know what, let’s consider it.”

But the funny thing is, we saved money because of the errors in her calculations. Most of her calculations were based off of kilometers, with exception to maybe one number, which was in miles per hour. And, at this point I just said yes, because she actually tried and that’s good enough for me.

Myrtle: Hey, it sounded like it, yeah.

Zandrhea: [laughs]

Myrtle:  No, you put a spreadsheet together. That’s impressive to try and convince your spouse, you know, that these are the reasons that I think it would be a good idea. And numbers speak volumes sometimes, right? So, hey, A for effort, Zan!

Zandrhea: [laughs]

Myrtle: But you know, it really is nicer to live closer to your families, especially in the beginning, because you have that support system, right—especially when you’re still adjusting. But now, you’re in your third year of marriage. Are there any methods that you follow in making your decisions together?

Patrick: So generally, I mean, we decide everything together. You know, there are smaller decisions that we kind of make, that really doesn’t affect, I guess, money, or anything that’s permanent. And so, those things we do independently. But, for the most part, I’ll look at finances. I don’t know why. I find comfort in numbers, it’s like a blanket.

Zandrhea: [laughs]

Patrick: [laughs] And so, I look after finances and tech. I just, I Iove research. I want to make sure when we invest or purchase something, it actually lasts. On the other hand, Zan takes care of us actually, you know, staying alive.

Zandrhea: [laughs]

Myrtle: [laughs]

Patrick: What I mean by that is, you know, all the things that are actually essential, like food, are we.. you know, the things that matter. I just, I take care of the other side of that stuff. Yeah, I don’t know, I mean, we make decisions together.

Myrtle: That makes sense if you’re going to play to each other’s strengths especially if you’re a numbers person and Zandy doesn’t want to touch it, that’s fine, right? So, you also said that you collectively decide on things together, but you also kind of pinpoint your strengths.

Zandrhea: I’m an extrovert, Pat’s an introvert. I feel like understanding how he handles situations and why his mind goes there, to decide certain things individually for him. And, I like to do things on a whim. I like to be, like “Oh, I’m just going to just do this,” and if it’s something not as important, like buying clothes or something, or something for the house,-

Myrtle: [laughs]

Zandrhea: -I’ll be like, “You know what, it’s a good week. We’re going to do this,” but I’ve definitely learned a lot more about making proper decisions, especially thinking long-term because, you know, my decisions aren’t my own when it comes to life planning, I guess. Me and Pat, we definitely are more on the same page now after a couple of years of, just like, being patient, I guess.

Patrick: I think we’re on the same book.

Zandrhea: Oh. [laughs]

Myrtle: [laughs]

Patrick: Slightly different pages. You know what, we make it work.

Zandrhea: [laughs]

Myrtle: So, how do you both get to a point where you know that you’ve made the right decision, or that you feel like, you know, that you’re making the right choices together?

Patrick: I think the right decision doesn’t necessarily serve either one of us specifically. You know, like, when we think of what’s the correct thing to do, it’s more about, again, long-term. If we do this, will this benefit us in the future? Again, whether or not that was my idea or Zan’s idea, I think it doesn’t matter to either of us, you know. We just want to make sure that we come up with the correct decision. We’ve also learned to be really, just open. We talk about things now. When we were first dating, I…I’m like a shell. I keep things to myself. Pretty much one thing we’ve done after we got married is we communicate more.

Zandrhea: I think in the beginning, I was over-communicating and Pat was like, “I just want to think about it”, you know? “Let’s just, like maybe we’ll put this aside for now and we’ll talk about it when I’m done.”

Myrtle: So, he tables things and you’re like, “Let’s go. Let’s talk about it.” [laughs]

Zandrhea: Yeah, I’m like, “We need to decide now,” and he’s like making charts in his head.

Myrtle: [laughs]

Zandrhea: Numbers guy, right? So, now, I’ll give him his space. When it’s a big decision and you know, it’s something that we have to really need to think about, I’ve definitely learned how to kind of give him that chance to think about it first before he comes up with his, like what he wants me to understand, that kind of thing. I guess for myself, I just assume everyone just thinks the same way that I do. Maybe that’s just, that’s most people right? Just read my mind. But, you know, no one’s a mind reader.

Myrtle: For sure, yes.

Zandrhea: You definitely have to, like, be specific on what your thoughts are. Even now, yeah we’re in our third year of marriage, sometimes I still have times when I struggle with saying how I feel, but it’s definitely a work in progress and Pat’s been really patient with all the words that I need to tell him, like, ASAP. [laughs]

Myrtle: Well I definitely think that a lot of couples struggle with communicating, you know, how they feel and where their minds are at with decision-making and trying to get their spouse on board.

[Music starts]

Myrtle: To give us a deeper understanding and guidance of what the Bible says on how married couples should go about making decisions, let’s welcome a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, Brother Felmar Serreno. Hi, Brother Felmar, and welcome back to Happy Life!

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hello, Sister Myrtle. Here we are again on Happy Life, the fourth episode now, if I’m not mistaken?

Myrtle: Yes!

Brother Felmar: And we have Brother Pat and Sister Zandrhea with us. Again, thank you for joining us, and for sharing with us your experiences and what you’ve learned through your three years of marriage so far. And, I’m sure many newlyweds tuning in at this moment can relate to what you’ve experienced.

You know, in this part of our podcast, we’d like to direct everyone’s attention to this aspect of marriage that will be presented to us by the Holy Scriptures. What is a teaching from the Bible which husband and wife should remember when making decisions? Here in the Book of Ephesians, chapter 5, the verses are 33 and 22 from the Good News Bible:

But it also applies to you: every husband must love his wife as himself, and every wife must respect her husband…Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord.

[Ephesians 5:33, 22 Good News Bible]

Brother Felmar: Here, we are reminded about an aspect of marriage as designed by God— that the husband is the head or leader of the relationship. Therefore, when making decisions together, as a married couple, there should be no ‘power struggle’.

Can husband and wife talk it out; deliberate the matter at hand before rendering a decision? Absolutely! Should such discussions turn into frequent arguing and a struggle for power? Absolutely not! For example, if it is due to the wife not respecting her husband’s authority as the head of the relationship.

But note to the husbands: God has appointed us as the leader in the relationship, so let’s be a good leader. As the Bible said earlier, “Every husband must love his wife.” And based on 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, verse 4 from the New International Version, “Love is patient, love is kind.”

So, husbands, let’s be patient. Let’s listen well and give our undivided attention to our wife when she’s expressing her opinion. Let’s be kind to our wife; be considerate and value her suggestions and insight.

When both sides have been heard on a particular matter, then it is the responsibility of the husband to take the lead in rendering the decision and it is the responsibility of the wife to support said decision.

When we follow God’s design in marriage, there will never be a struggle for power. Rather, peace and harmony will be maintained.

More importantly, what must husband and wife remember before making decisions, especially on matters that will have a big impact on our life and our future? In the Book of Proverbs chapter 3, verses 5 down to 6:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

[Proverbs 3:5-6 New King James Version]

Brother Felmar: In all our ways, in the decisions we make in life, let us not rely on our own understanding. Instead, let us trust in God. That’s why being prayerful is important. And praises be to God, many married couples in the Church Of Christ are doing this, like Brother Patrick and Sister Zandrhea. By establishing devotional prayer, married couples are praying together on a daily basis. Now, just in case some newlyweds out there who are listening in are not doing this yet—establishing a devotional prayer and fulfilling it regularly—may this next Bible verse inspire you to do so.

Why be prayerful? Why should we always remember to acknowledge God and seek His guidance? Listen, please, to Jeremiah, chapter 29, verse 11 in the Good News Bible:

I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for.

[Jeremiah 29:11 Good News Bible]

Brother Felmar: What we read here is the declaration of the Lord God Himself. According to His pronouncement, He is the One, first and foremost, Who wants to give us prosperity and a future. And let’s not forget, the Almighty God is the only One Who has the ability to give us a blessed future. So in all our decisions, may we always include God, consult Him through His words written in the Bible, and trust in Him.

[Music starts]

Myrtle: Once again, Brother Felmar, we thank you so much for these words, these reminders and teachings, from the Bible.

Brother Felmar: Thank you again for having me on Happy Life. God bless to all.

[Music ends]

Myrtle: So, you know, Patrick and Zandy, we heard about being prayerful. Can you share how prayer factors into your marriage?

Patrick: For sure. Devotional prayers are very personal, at least to me. Maybe, one of the things that changed when we got married is that we needed to start praying together. It stops being about what I want, what she wants. It’s really more about what we need together. And so, I think couples should pray together, and really, that’s just how you show that you are one in front of God, right?

I guess, maybe more recently, some of the things that we’ve been praying for is just how blessed we are. We know that, we know the situation of the world but, I mean, here we are—we’re healthy, we have jobs, our families are still well. Wherever they are, they’re healthy as well. We get to go to church together. I don’t know, maybe someday, we still pray about just the idea of having small copies of ourselves running around.

Myrtle: Ooh, a mini Patrick or a mini Zandrhea? [laughs]

Patrick: You know what? I think they’re mainly going to look like her, but nonetheless, still it’s one of the things that we look forward to.

Myrtle: When you disagree on something, Zandrhea, what do you pray for then?

Zandrhea: For me, I definitely pray and seek for God’s guidance. I guess it’s my personality to just want to talk about things right away. I’ve definitely, those moments when I feel so frustrated or I don’t understand—just to go alone and pray, and pray for guidance and pray for patience. I definitely ask for His help, because by myself I can’t. I feel like I need to understand and I need God to show me that, and I need Him to help me. And so, when I ask for that I feel like it’s been the reason why me and Patrick have been doing well. We’re able to communicate more. That’s another thing that I pray for: that we can communicate and we can talk about these decisions and these plans that we have for ourselves, because without God’s guidance, our plans are really nothing, right?

Myrtle: MMhmm.Well, it sounds like you do keep that communication open between yourselves and that’s really, really wonderful to hear. But, are there some examples, maybe, that you can share? You know, times when you didn’t see eye to eye on things? Do you have some little snippets of those occasions?

Patrick: I guess the odd thing is we sometimes like to pretend fight, and then it just becomes a real fight. Some examples of disagreements that we had is, well initially the moving was one big one. Sometimes we have conflicts on work. Sometimes, we want to take vacations and it’s just unfortunate that sometimes, for me, I have to take work with me. And so, you know, that’s not something that, obviously, I should be taking with me, but just the circumstances call for it.

Myrtle: Right.

Patrick: You know? But I think one of the most important things that we’ve stated, even when we were starting to just date or I guess courtship, when we were starting that, we never wanted to argue with emotions. And, what I mean by that is we want to make sure that when we talk about things, it’s about the problem, it’s about the disagreement. I feel like when you bring emotions  in, we stop talking about what really matters.

Zandrhea: You know, we really try not to hold it against each other if we don’t see eye to eye. Because sometimes, for myself as an extrovert, I can get really worked up, but Pat really kind of grounds me when it comes to reeling me in to just saying like, “Hey, let’s really talk about this. Let’s not make this an emotional fight.” This is just something we need to just talk about and point out parts of where our opinions are. It’s really helped us to really understand each other and why the person feels that way. You know, I learned from Pat that not all problems are actually problems.

Patrick: Isn’t that nice?

Myrtle: [laughs]

Zandrhea: Really it is, because I’ll be like, “Oh no, I can’t go on,” you know, just dramatic. Because I used to just freeze when a problem would come up, but he’s really just kind of allowed me to look at it in a different perspective. And you know, if we have the same goal in solving this issue, it’ll be easier for us to resolve the disagreement.

Myrtle: That’s a great outlook, you know, to have when it comes to not seeing eye to eye on things.

[Music starts]

Myrtle: Disagreements can be difficult to avoid at times amongst married couples, and communication plays a big part on this, which is why we invite all of you to tune in to our next episode where we will focus on disagreements in our ‘Effective Communication in Marriage’ series.

To our guests, Patrick and Zandrhea, we thank you so much for being part of this episode of Happy Life!

Patrick: Thanks for having us!

Zandrhea: Thank you so much for having us. We had fun.

Myrtle: Oh, I’m so glad. [laughs]

And, that wraps up our discussion today. Please continue to share our podcast with all the newly married couples out there and also visit www.incmedia.org to learn more about Christian relationships.

You can email us at [email protected] with the subject Happy Life if you want to send us a quick question or even just say hello.

Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today, and God bless all the married couples.

[Music ends]

[Show closes]

[Show opens]

Myrtle Alegado (host): Okay, newlyweds. After the wedding, many of you expect wedded bliss to be automatic. You’ve married the person of your dreams right, so they should be able to anticipate every thought, wish, and need. But even after decades of marriage, I can tell you, this is not the case. So, all you newlyweds out there stay tuned as we continue our series on effective communication in marriage. 

Welcome to Happy Life, the newest podcast brought to you by INCMedia that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m Myrtle Alegado and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, for over 21 years. 

[Catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life

Myrtle Alegado: All right, so in this episode of our effective communication in marriage series, we’ll be focusing on expectations. Is it relevant to a successful marriage that expectations are clear between the husband and wife? Sure, it is. In the same way that having unclear expectations contribute to an unsuccessful marriage. Consider for a moment this quote from an article entitled The Psychology Of Expectations, and I quote: Without actually verbalizing expectations about give and take in a relationship, people construct stories in their heads about legitimate expectations of each other, and unspoken expectations are almost guaranteed to go unfulfilled. In an article we found on psychologytoday.com, Dr. John Johnson, a psychology professor at Pennsylvania State University, explored how unrealistic expectations are premeditated resentments. Now what exactly does that mean?

To get this discussion underway, I’d like to introduce today’s guests, Darnelh and Kim from Fremont, California, and they’ve been married since August of 2019. Welcome to Happy Life, Kim and Darnelh.  

Darnelh: Hello

Kim: Hi, everyone.

Myrtle: How are you today?

Kim: Oh, we’re doing great. It’s really nice to be here, so thank  you.

Myrtle: Oh, we’re happy to have you. Okay, so newlyweds. Going back to that saying “unrealistic expectations are premeditated resentments.” Well, simply put, it means we feel happy when expectations are met but disappointed when they aren’t, even though other expectations we have are actually without good reason. And to break it down further the example they used in the article was a cup of coffee. Okay, so now you’re probably wondering, “Myrtle, what does a cup of coffee have to do with expectations in marriage?”

So, just bear with me for a second as I share with you my take on this. I was able to relate to the article’s cup of coffee example, because when I wake up in the morning having a cup of coffee makes me happy. Darnelh and Kim, do you two look forward to your first cup of coffee in the morning too?

Kim: I do. I think I’m a big(ger) coffee drinker than Darnelh, but I always, it’s like the first thing that I have to have in the morning.

Myrtle: Okay, so maybe Darnelh can relate to the article’s cup of coffee example with maybe his morning cereal, or his pancakes, or what have you. 

Obviously I know that I have to carry out steps to produce that cup of coffee, and that it just doesn’t appear out of thin air on my counter waiting to greet me. But there have been times when my husband makes it to the kitchen before me, and in my head I’m like, “Oh, this is awesome. He’ll probably have my coffee waiting for me when I get downstairs.” But, I never actually articulated or expressed to him before he went downstairs that I’d like him to make me a cup of coffee. So, why is it then that I feel disappointed when I don’t actually see that coffee waiting for me on the counter? I mean after all, he isn’t a mind reader. Right, Darnelh, Kim?

Kim: We can agree on, like, so many levels with that. I think I’m the same way. Like, “Oh I hear someone in the kitchen. Someone’s making coffee. By the time I get out of the room I’m  pretty sure I’ll have a coffee. So that’s, you know, I can totally agree with that and relate.

Darnelh: She was giving me a look the whole time you were talking.

Kim: Yeah.

Myrtle: It’s so funny how that works. Now after several instances similar to this, for example, like if, you know, every day I’m kind of expecting him to make me a cup of coffee and it doesn’t happen, for some couples, could that disappointment start building into resentment? You know, Darnelh and Kim, you’ve been married for what is it?  Almost two years now or a year and a half?

Kim: Yeah, about a year and a half, yes. Almost two years, yes.

Myrtle: Yeah, time’s flying huh? In that time, can you maybe give us an example of when unfulfilled expectations was an issue for you in your marriage?

Kim: I think one of the biggest things though, as a newly married couple, is when it comes to responsibilities at home. I think it was something that we never saw coming, but a lot of the expectations really weigh on the responsibilities that we both have at home. 

Myrtle: You’re not the first couple who have mentioned that, so it’s really funny how even just, you know, dividing chores and daily responsibilities can become, you know, a bone of contention in a way. 

Kim: Yes, I agree. I think, like a big factor with it too is we both came from, we came from different families. So with him he only has, like, one brother and then meanwhile I have two sisters, a brother. So our family’s a lot bigger. So, that to like, you know, coming from two different families and then now you’re starting a new family and life together, I think, the way you used to do things when you were with your own family before is like quite different when you live together as a newly married couple.

Myrtle: Right, so you’re adjusting to not only, you know, your other half now that you’re married but even the type of upbringing that they had, the different routines that were normal for them in their homes aren’t necessarily, you know, the same as what you’re expecting now that you’re married, you know, as newlyweds. So, Darnelh, can you talk a little bit about that? Were there misunderstandings because of, you know, expectations you had of each other?

Darnelh: Yeah, there was a lot of learning that was done, that is still being done. We’re learning a lot about each other. Going back to what she said, you know, we come from different backgrounds and different approaches of how we live in our homes and all that. Yeah, my family like when we grew up, like me, my brother and my parents, and everyone had such different schedules. So it was kind of like every man for themselves, type of thing. I know we always, like for instance dishes, we made a rule early on when I was a kid. I guess it was an issue, I don’t remember too much. But whatever is in the sink, you wash it. So it never really stacked up, so I guess we just took on the responsibility.

Myrtle: I see.

Darnelh: There was a bit of an integrity there, I guess.

Kim: Which is funny because, I just wanted to add, which was totally different from how it is in our household. Because there’s four siblings, and we always have to make sure that everyone gets to do chores. So for us after dinner, when you eat together, one person takes care of the dishes.

Myrtle: So it’s assigned.

Kim: Yeah, so I think that’s one of the main differences we actually noticed when we were, you know, when we just started being together. 

Myrtle: In this situation where, you know, in your minds your expectations versus the reality that you faced when you finally moved in together they were different, right? So how did you get on the same page?

Darnelh: We definitely sat down every time there [were] misunderstandings. We would talk it out, we would, you know, speak our minds, say what we felt and try to understand, like, where the other is coming from, why are they approaching it this way, and all that. So we try to help each other out and to understand.

Myrtle: When we talk about, you know, the topic of expectations, it’s not really something that a lot of newlyweds or even engaged to be wed couples really think about, or even take the time to discuss prior to marriage. I know, I didn’t. I didn’t think about, you know, managing what my expectations of my husband were going to be, or future husband. So is the topic of expectations in your marriage something you both discussed prior to getting married, or did you think about it at all?

Darnelh: No. [laughs]

Kim: Yeah, I don’t think we actually, because we…. I think it’s different because I think in my opinion if we were closer, because we were in a long distance relationship for a long time, like we started our relationship with long distance, and really like the expectations you have when you have a long distance relationship is totally different when you’re dating someone who’s just there, right. But when it comes to long distance, I think you make an extra effort to make everything so special that you really don’t think of expectations. Like, what do you expect this person to do? I feel like I’m always surprised by all the gestures that he’s done for me when we were dating. Like he would send me a care package out of nowhere, or like text me good morning everyday, like those little things I think I’ve never had those expectations of him when we were dating. But I think it’s because also, like with the long distance, everything seems extra special too.

Myrtle: Aww. So, when you finally did, you know, live together, I think in the first few months of your marriage you were also a little bit long distance because, you know, like you were mentioning earlier, Kim, it was like work responsibilities or something so you couldn’t move right away. But because of your long distance relationship did that help you in your communication to be, you know, a little bit more direct with each other, to really explain what you were expecting or feeling?

Kim: I think it did because, also with long distance, communication is the foundation of everything. Like it was really hard for us to be far away, and we’re already married, and it’s like the first year of our marriage, and the only way for us to be able to feel like, you know, we’re trying our best to be husband and wife, even despite the distance is to be able to communicate well with each other. So one of the things that we’ve talked about was that we always have to be honest and direct with each other, like no sugarcoating. Like it’s one of the things that we promised each other ever since we were dating that, you know, we just really have to be honest. You just (have) to tell me what you’re feeling, I’ll tell you what I’m feeling. And then we just kind of like, figure out how to I guess react to those feelings, instead of waiting until everything piles up later on.

Myrtle: For sure, yeah. I’m going to backtrack a little bit, and I know that we were talking about chores earlier and that you had, you know, specific expectations. How did you iron out who was going to do what? I know you both have busy jobs so, you know, how did you decide who was going to take care of what, or do you take turns or, you know, how do you communicate that with each other?

Darnelh: It was really rough in the beginning. You know, and especially the circumstances now, like, we went from LDR, long distance, to when she moved it was the beginning of the pandemic.

Myrtle: So being together 24/7 from not. 

Darnelh: Yeah, so there’s so many things we had to adjust, and we had the time to do it so. It was like little things like laundry, dishes like we discussed earlier,- 

Kim: Cooking is big.

Darnelh: -groceries. So we kind of, I guess we kind of sized each other up over the first few months, then we learned what each other is good at.

Myrtle: Yeah, there’s definitely that kind of adapting phase where you’re just, kind of, learning really about each other right and then learning to adjust. So, how did you ensure that both of you were aware of the other’s expectations?

Kim: Like what we mentioned earlier, honestly, because there’s no way that your spouse can read your mind.

Myrtle: Right, sadly.

Kim: It would be nice if they could, right?

Darhelh: I try my best sometimes.

Kim: But, like you know, like special times where, “Oh, you made breakfast for me. That’s so nice!” But I think to ensure that we meet each other’s needs, I would say, instead of expectations. We just really tell… like for me I’m teaching. Because of the pandemic I’m doing distance learning. So, I’m literally like on the screen most of the time, and with the kids having a hard time I just tell him, I was like, “I can’t make lunch today, what do we do?” So he’ll be the one, maybe he’ll make something or like he’ll buy something. So just kind of like laying it out that this is my workload, this is what I can and cannot do today, and then I think we’ve learned to pick it up from there. Like, “It’s okay I got it.” That’s kind of like our game plan like each day.

Darnelh: She does the same thing for me. And there’s days where I have off days or days where I’m super swamped, and she’ll notice that and then she’ll try her best to help make my day better. Like, she’ll see that I’m hungry and she’ll go out of her way to grab some food. So we try to just be there for each other, be aware of each other, of how each other is feeling.

Myrtle: But here now is the question. When it comes to expectations in marriage, whose expectations should be prioritized? Let’s direct that question to Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. 

Hi, Brother Felmar! Welcome back to Happy Life.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hello, Sister Myrtle, and the newlyweds, Brother Darnelh and Sister Kim who are our guests for today. Hello to all our listeners. It’s great to be here again with you all on Happy Life, to discuss another interesting aspect of effective communication in marriage. So today, it’s about expectations right?

Myrtle: Yes that’s right Brother Felmar, and you get to have the most significant question for today’s discussion.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Of course! That’s exactly why I keep coming back to Happy Life, for all the awesome questions. Even better, are the enlightening answers based on the Holy Scriptures, so yes please ask away.

Myrtle: The question is: When it comes to expectations in married life, whose expectations should be prioritized?

Brother Felmar Serreno: To answer that, we first need to be reminded about who designed and instituted marriage to begin with. Let’s listen to what the Bible says here in the book of Genesis, chapter 2, verses 18, 21 and 22. And we’ll also read from chapter 1, verse 28 in the New King James Version:

And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” … And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.

[Genesis 2:18, 21-22 New King James Version] 

Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply…” 

[Genesis 1:28 New King James Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Who instituted marriage? The LORD God. When? In the beginning, with the very first man and woman. We should notice that God did not just let the man and woman live together as husband and wife. What did God do to them first? The Bible says, “God BLESSED them.” In other words, He married them. 

So, it was God who instituted marriage, which is why marriage is sacred. 

How can married couples uphold the sanctity of marriage? According to Romans, chapter 7, verse 2:

“…by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive…”

[Romans 7:2 New International Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Therefore, in order to preserve the sacred union between a husband and wife, married couples must allow the laws and commandments of God to rule over them both. So, going back to our original question, “In marriage, whose expectations should be prioritized?” It is neither the husband nor the wife, for it is God’s expectations of a married couple which take top priority. Which is why in the Church Of Christ that we are members of, we accord marriage with due honor and respect. For example, the marriage ceremony—it is not a mere tradition or ritual for us. Rather, it is a holy occasion where the main part is the blessing of the wedded couple and the conveying of the commandments of God that bind a man and a woman to each other for as long as they both shall live. But even prior to the actual marriage ceremony, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ conducts what is called the ‘Seminar For Engaged Couples.’ What is the objective of this six-lesson seminar?

The general objective is to teach how husband and wife can keep or preserve the harmony in their relationship, under the care and blessing of the Lord God.

Now, we won’t go into detail in this one podcast on what is taught in that six-lesson seminar. But suffice it to say the seminar explains from the Bible that there are clear instructions which are particular to the husband; clear instructions which are particular to the wife; and there are also shared responsibilities. 

Now, what will happen when husband and wife agree to always prioritize God’s expectations, whatever they may face in life?

The Bible says this in Proverbs, chapter. 14, verse 26 in the Good News Bible, and we’ll go on to read Psalm 5:12 in the New International Version:

Reverence for the LORD gives confidence and security to a man and his family.
[Proverbs 14:26 Good News Bible]

For surely, O LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.
[Psalm 5:12 New International Version]

Myrtle: As always such wonderful and of course appropriate words of wisdom that we receive from the Bible. Thank you once again, Brother Felmar.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Thank you again for having me, Sister Myrtle. Goodbye for now, to all our listeners. God bless to us all.

Myrtle: So, just curious, Darnelh and Kim, what were the things that you took away from those marriage seminars?

Kim: Actually, one of the things, when we did our marriage seminar, we kept the notes that we had, the verses that we had. We kept that, and it’s actually framed in our room.

Myrtle: Oh wow!

Kim: And we go back to it every time to just really (remember), you know, the blessing of a marriage and what God expects (of) you in a marriage, and putting God in the center of everything. Like we could keep talking all the time to each other but really, for us, just really remembering the teachings and putting that in place with our issues, or expectations, or anything that we’re discussing, really helps us a lot to get to a solution that we need. 

Myrtle: So Darnelh, what was it that you took away from those seminars? Was there something that, you know, really stuck with you?

Darnelh: You know, right off the bat when the first lesson started and I was, I was pretty hooked on the lesson. 

Myrtle: You were sold, huh?

Darnelh: Yeah, ten out of ten, I highly recommend the seminars. But yeah, the first lesson they talked about the structure of a marriage and the relationship with Christ and the Church and, you know, the emphasis that the minister had on that made me realize, you know, the value that God put into this, His plan of marriage, and His plan of salvation. And it kind of, like, blew my mind a little bit, like I saw marriage and the Church as like from a big picture perspective. 

Myrtle: Right.

Darnelh: Yeah. It kind of, it solidified my faith even more. And it also made me realize, you know, marriage, we have to take this seriously. It’s holy—God gave this to us. And it’s also being a husband and wife, that’s a duty as well.

Myrtle: So because of those teachings, did that help you in your expectations of each other? Like regarding decision making, specifically, what did you find difficult if anything?

Kim: I think for me, because I’m the eldest in the family, I used to be very strong headed. I always have, like I always make the decisions when it comes to family matters, I take the lead. I think, you know, after doing the seminar, and after really, even like through our marriage, I’ve learned and I guess I  absorbed a lot more of what I heard when they said that wives should submit to their husbands. And before I was like, “I don’t know. I’m strong-headed.” You know, as an eldest daughter, like for me I was so used to just making the calls and just kind of like taking (the) lead, this is what we’re going to do.

But, you know, being a wife, I am thankful for how God has designed it. Because really, I learned that when they said that wives should submit to their husbands, it’s me, letting Darnelh lead. Because I also know that if our marriage is blessed, so God is also, you know, blessing the decisions that he’s making, which I should also respect as a wife, and as a child of God. And you know, at first, it was difficult. Like, “Okay, Darnelh can’t just take the lead.” But now being a wife, I truly understand and see why it’s designed that way and how much more you fall in love to being a wife too, when you see the beauty of the design of marriage.

Myrtle: What was it like for you Darnelh?

Darnelh: What I remember also in the seminars, regarding this part like the husband taking the lead. The wife is there to also help. So I’m not, you know, a control freak. I’m not going to be a dictator in this marriage. We were taught that the husband, you know, makes the call, the final decision. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t discuss it with my wife at all.

Myrtle: Right, with input from your wife.

Kim: Yes.

Darhelh: You know, with decision making, we have two different minds so it helps to have different input, different perspective and angles at whatever decision we’re making. So, you know, we’ve learned over the past few, past year and a half, who has better judgment when it comes to certain topics. And, you know, but even when it comes to small decisions or big decisions we have.

Myrtle: Do you approach decision making differently?

Kim: I think a little. I  think we give credit to our strength in decision making in different ways. Like, for example, what has to be like a quick decision, I’m not the one to trust on that. Like as simple as the grocery shopping, it’s not something that…like it takes me forever but it’s faster for Darnelh. But when it comes to planning something and the logistics, like sometimes I’m the better planner. So when it comes to, okay, let’s plan it, if we’re going on a trip, I’ll plan it. But then, the other types of decisions that goes with that trip goes to Darnelh. So it’s kind of like a tag team with decision making, but definitely when it comes to life-changing decision making, you know, we both make sure we have input on that. And most especially we take time to pray about it first before we make our final decision. Because at the end of the day, sometimes too when we both are coming from different sides or different perspectives, it’s hard to see where the decision falls until, you know, you start taking the time to pray about it every night, and then keep talking about it, until, you know, God answers our prayers, so.

Myrtle: And that’s really great that you, you know, have found that balance with one another in approaching decision making. And also that you entrust, you know, whatever will happen to God as well, through your prayers. 

So learning to adjust and adapt to one another’s methods and decision making styles is something that all married couples learn along the way, for sure, and decision making happens to be our next topic in our series of effective communication in marriage. So please make sure you come back and listen to that episode, but for today, I’d really like to thank you, Darnelh and Kim, for being our guests.

Kim: It was a lot of fun and we’re glad that we were able to share. Thank you.

Darnelh: Yes, thanks for having us.

Myrtle: So I think we learned today that it’s important for husband and wife to understand and agree to each other’s expectations. But more than this, husband and wife should meet God’s expectations by understanding and embracing their respective role and responsibilities in marriage. 

Did you enjoy today’s episode? Did it inspire you? If so, please share it with your family and friends and all the newly married couples that you know.

And that’s all we have for you today. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit, incmedia.org and if you have any questions or just want to say hi to us, please do so by emailing [email protected] with the subject, Happy Life. So thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessing of marriage.

[Show closes]