Happy Life

[Show opens]

Myrtle Alegado (host): “Hello, everyone! For those joining us again we’re glad you’re back, and a warm welcome to our new listeners out there. I’m Myrtle Alegado, host of this newest podcast by INCMedia, Happy Life where we help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage.  As for me, I have been happily married for over 21 years to my husband, Paul.

In our last episode, we left off on the topic of communication. Today, we’re kicking off the series on effective communication in marriage.

On the website insightpsychological.ca it states that lack of communication is the root cause of marriage issues and on www.marriage.com they state and I quote:

“Communication is crucial in marriage and not being able to communicate effectively quickly leads to resentment and frustration for both, impacting all aspects of a marriage. Poor communication is one of the biggest reasons for divorce.”

Stay tuned now as we talk about what communication is and look at some of the different methods.

[Show jingle/catchphrase]
Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.

Myrtle Alegado: On Happy Life today, I’d like to welcome our guests Jannelle & Kurt, from Delta, British Columbia, Canada. They’ve been married a little over 2 years now. Hey, Kurt & Jannelle! How are you both today?

Jannelle Quines: Thank you  so much! We’re doing great, thanks!

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, that’s awesome! Kurt, how are you?

Kurt Quines: Pretty good. Hi, everyone!

Myrtle Alegado: So, before we jump into our discussion today, would you mind sharing a little bit about yourselves? You know, so we can get to know you a little. What do you both do professionally?

Kurt Quines: So, I’m a Structural Engineer at WHM Structural Consulting just outside of Vancouver.

Myrtle Alegado: Mmmhmm.

Jannelle Quines:  And I’m a Digital Marketing & Communications Professional. I work within a tech company that focuses on video editing software.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh wow, those definitely sound like busy careers. I know from our last conversation together, I know you met when you both worked in retail about 9 or 10 years ago. But you only got married 2 years ago, right?

Jannelle Quines: Yes, that’s right.

Myrtle Alegado: So for you personally, what does good communication in your marriage mean to you?

Kurt Quines: So for us, it basically means speaking with honesty and respect.

Myrtle Alegado: Right.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah, definitely, being able to speak with honesty and like, you know, being unafraid of your spouse’s reaction. Also, having an open mind and an open heart to listen to what your spouse is saying or trying to say.

Myrtle Alegado: So, in the little over 2 years that you’ve been married, but you’ve known each other for a total of 10, so what have you learned about communication with each other over the years? And did that change a little bit, you know, after you got married?

Kurt Quines: Definitely. So, communication in marriage is a lot different from when you’re dating. It’s a new stage in your relationship, as well as your life, so there are new things you’ll learn about yourself and your spouse while living in the same space.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh yeah definitely, because you know you’re adjusting not just to being married but to living with each other, living together.

Kurt Quines: Exactly. We both came from living with our families so this was our first time living with anyone. And, basically, first time living apart from our families as well.

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah.

Kurt Quines: So it was challenging learning to live together while adjusting to living away from our separate families.

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, I get that.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah, for example, there are times where you know, we felt like we couldn’t express ourselves, because it felt like, you know, when you express yourselves and you’re not used to being with somebody constantly, you feel like you’re being criticized or being questioned, like the methods that you’re doing in your everyday life is being questioned. And we were both used to, you know, avoiding that. So we would try to avoid as many arguments by keeping silent, but you know that never works out. And then, you know, because of that tensions build and things start to feel uncomfortable in the shared space that you have. 

Myrtle Alegado: It’s kind of funny how that dynamic works, because I mean you’ve known each other for 9 or 10 years, and then you get married, and then it’s like walking on eggshells with each other.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: It’s almost like you’re trying to figure out, you know, when to bring something up or not.

Jannelle Quines: Right, totally. For sure, for sure. Like, I think It took some time, but we learned that the space that we share is you know, exactly that. It’s shared. So remembering that it belongs to the both of us, so it’s up to us to create that home together. It’s not like, you know, it’s only his space or only my space. It’s a space where we need to communicate our wants, and our needs, and our overall feelings in order for things to be more harmonious.

Myrtle Alegado: Okay, before we continue, let’s find out what exactly  is communication and how do others define communication?

The definition of communication according to Merriam Webster dictionary is a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior.

There are 2 basic types of communication, being verbal & non-verbal. Verbal communication has two types. Oral Communication, which happens through word of mouth, spoken words, conversations like face to face conversation with your spouse, or you know phone calls; and of course, nowadays, we also have video chats and what not. And then, the other type is Written Communication, which happens through handwritten or typed medium, like text messages, instant messages, handwritten notes, or emails.

And then we’ve got Non-Verbal Communication. Any communication without word of mouth, spoken words, conversation and written languages are called Non-Verbal Communication. And it happens through gestures, body language or facial expressions

So, now that we have defined what communication is, Jannelle & Kurt, in your own words, why is effective communication important to you?

Jannelle Quines: I think communication is important to us because it’s taken us to another level of love and respect for each other. I think we understand each other much better, and we truly are partners in life. We’re in this together and that’s really comforting.

Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, in it for the long haul, right?

Jannelle Quines: Yeah. Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: So,can you take us through a typical day for you two, you know, what you share, how you communicate with each other? How often? Is it throughout the day during work, or just in the evening when you finally get to see each other?

Kurt Quines: I think a good example is, because we work fairly close to each other, we usually carpool on the days when we have Church night.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh that’s nice.

Kurt Quines: So we have really good conversations while driving home or driving somewhere.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah. 

Myrtle Alegado: What are the sorts of things you talk about in the car?

Jannelle Quines: Well, I think it’s good that we work close by. So, when we carpool back home we talk about how our day went at work, and sometimes you know, how we’re feeling. We mention things that happen, like funny things that happened during the day, current events, or what’s happening in the world right now. We discuss a whole bunch of different topics when we go home.

Myrtle Alegado: It’s kind of like anything and everything, huh?

Jannelle Quines: Yeah, literally. It’s kind of whatever is happening, that happened that day, we sort of chat about. Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: So, it’s kind of like a catch up session but also you can bring up anything. That’s great.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah.

Kurt Quines: Pretty much, and then we talk about Church, mostly as well. Talking about our responsibilities and our duties. You know, we kind of coordinate our schedules in the car, pretty much. And, overall, quality time is really important to us, so even if we don’t talk and we just drive, and we’re just in the same space, we sort of can feel or read each other’s mood.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: That’s so awesome when, you know, that comforting kind of  silence is there, like you don’t really have to say anything. You’re just happy being with each other’s presence. That’s so awesome to me.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: You mentioned Church duties. What are your duties in the Church Of Christ? Can you give us examples of how you communicate in order to fulfill them?

Jannelle Quines: So, I’m the head secretary at our local (congregation), so in the local (congregation) of Delta, and Kurt is the assistant choir leader, Buklod president and group overseer. So we have not just our busy schedule in terms of work, we have also quite a busy schedule when it comes to our Church responsibilities as well.

Myrtle Alegado: For sure, it sounds like it. You’ve got a lot on your plate.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado: For those who aren’t familiar with the term you mentioned, Buklod, it’s the organization for married members within the Christian Family Organizations in the Church Of Christ.

Ok, so you both work full time, on top of that you have responsibilities in the Church. How do you manage? Like, really?

Jannelle Quines: Well, to be honest, there are times where we may feel really overwhelmed and like, juggling everything and managing deadlines. You know work, like after work you have to do your Church duties, or vice versa where you go do your Church duty and then you have to go to work. But, I think we do our best to keep each other informed about what our schedules are like for those days or the weeks coming by. We have like a shared calendar or we just verbally tell each other, “Oh, hey, just a reminder you know I have choir practice tomorrow, so you know make sure you’re ready to leave work on a certain time” or “I have a Buklod officers’ meeting tomorrow.” So you know, we need to make sure that whatever our schedules are like, we make time for that as well. Because, of course, our Church offices and our duties are important, so we want to make sure that we put those into priority and make time for those on top of our work schedules.

Myrtle Alegado: Right.

Kurt Quines: And we also like to eat and go out for dinners-

Myrtle Alegado: Who doesn’t?

Kurt Quines: -and that’s basically when we get down to like all our worries and start talking about it, and just, you know, just sitting down saying, “Yeah, I’m pretty tired today.” The fact that we understand one another and can empathize really helps.

Myrtle Alegado: Right.

Kurt Quines: Of course, we know that God will always help us to be able to do our regular work and also carry out our duties too.

Jannelle Quines: Mmhmm. Yeah.

Myrtle Alegado:  That’s a great point and the perfect timing to actually bring in a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, Brother Felmar Serreno in on this discussion. Welcome back to the show Brother Felmar!

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hello, Sister Myrtle.Good to be back, and congratulations on Episode 2 for Happy Life! Yay! And hello to Brother Kurt and Sister Jannelle. It’s nice that you’ve joined us on this discussion here on Happy Life.

Myrtle Alegado: So Bro Felmar, Kurt and Jannelle were just sharing some of their experiences. And today, since we’re kicking off our series on effective communication in marriage, Jannelle and Kurt, it sounds like for them, they enjoy having in-person conversations. But when it comes to communication as a whole, I’m just curious as to what is actually most effective?

Brother Felmar Serreno: Yes like you mentioned, Brother Kurt and Sister Jannelle do enjoy their conversations with each other. And kudos to them, right? Despite their busy schedule in their personal lives, in their duties as members of the Church Of Christ, they put in that big effort to always stay in touch with each other.

However, there is a kind of communication that really ALL people should be doing and that includes married couples. And what is it?

The Bible reveals to us the answer, here in Job, chapter 8, verses 5-7 in the New International Version:

“But if you will seek God earnestly and plead with the Almighty, if you are pure and upright, even now he will rouse himself on your behalf and restore you to your prosperous state. Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be.”
[Job 8:5-7 New International Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: So while husband and wife, like Brother Kurt and Sister Jannelle, should be effective in communicating with each other, the Bible reveals to us that, above all, we ought to be communicating with God. Communicating with God through prayer is most effective—especially when it comes to marriage. What can those who are prayerful and upright expect? According to the Bible, “Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be.”

What guarantee does God Himself give to His people who pray to Him? In Isaiah 41:17, in the Good News Translation:

“When my people in their need look for water, when their throats are dry with thirst, then I, the LORD, will answer their prayer; I, the God of Israel, will never abandon them.”
[Isaiah 41:17 Good News Bible]

Brother Felmar: Now in the Christian era, our time, who are God’s people whose prayers the Lord God answers? They are the members of the Church Of Christ. Why are we sure? In 1 Peter, chapter 2, verse 9, in the Good News Bible, Apostle Peter says this to the members of the Church Of Christ:

“But you are the chosen race, the King’s priests, the holy nation, God’s own people, chosen to proclaim the wonderful acts of God, who called you out of darkness into his own marvelous light.”
[1 Peter 2:9 Good News Bible]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Thus, as members of the Church Of Christ, we can be confident that as God’s people, He listens to our prayers and He answers our prayers. The Lord, our God Himself, gives that guarantee.

Did you know that even our Lord Jesus Christ has a guarantee for His disciples who are prayerful? Here in John 16:24, in the New King James Version:

“Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.”
[John 16:24 New King James Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: Based on these truths we have read from the Bible, it is vital that husband and wife pray together on a regular basis. If husband and wife regularly communicate with each other, even more so with God. Why? Because when we constantly seek God through prayer, the Bible taught us, God will act on our behalf; even if we come from humble beginnings but our future will be prosperous. How else does the Bible explain the efficacy of prayer? Based on what we read earlier in Isaiah, even if God’s people are in dire need, God will answer our prayers! Even if we may encounter ‘desperate times’—and there’s plenty of that going on right now—people are desperate when it comes to their health; their job security; paying off their mortgage or other bills. And yes these situations and pressures can take its toll, even on married life. But what will be our advantage if we stay prayerful, even during these desperate times? The Almighty God Himself—the Almighty God Himself—guarantees that He will never abandon His people! As for our Lord Jesus Christ, what is His guarantee? We read it earlier, He said, “Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.”

So if you and your spouse are already praying together on a daily basis, be even more devoted to that. If, as a married couple, you have not yet set your devotional prayer together, why not look at your daily or weekly schedule together now, so you can agree on a time that you can pray together. And remember, preparation is key. And we’ve been taught about this many times, right, Brother Kurt, Sister Jannelle, Sister Myrtle? We’ve been taught about this many times in worship services. So, please, to all our listeners out there, especially to the newlyweds, please ensure you give yourselves enough time to prepare, to dress properly, to pause and meditate, putting away the cell phones or any distractions, so that you as a married couple, can pray together—wholeheartedly, communicating with the Lord God your needs; entrusting to Him your plans; and asking help too from our Lord Jesus Christ.

Myrtle Alegado: That’s all really, really great and inspirational advice, Brother Felmar. Thank you for enlightening us and also for joining us again here on Happy Life.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Thank you to the Lord God and His precious words. Again, a pleasure to be with you all here on Happy Life.

Myrtle Alegado: Okay, Jannelle and Kurt, now that we’ve heard that inspirational and biblical advice, can you share how prayer has helped you as husband and wife in these 2 years of marriage?

Jannelle Quines: I think prayer has helped us a lot. I mean, knowing that God is there to listen to us, and that He knows already about our worries, our stresses, our concerns, it’s really comforting. We know He’s provided us with the  solutions and even just giving us strength during the times we need it.  So we make it a priority to have our devotional prayers together to ensure that we always have God on our side.

Myrtle Alegado: Mmhmm.

Kurt Quines: We are so thankful that God pretty much brought us together. We always pray that God continues to give us the patience, the open heart, and understanding that we need. Even though there will be times we don’t see eye to eye, we pray that our love continues to grow and that our faith remains intact and will continue to grow stronger.

Myrtle Alegado: That’s awesome and it’s wonderful to hear the important role that prayer has had in your marriage. So, thanks for sharing that. And you know, considering what we’ve learned so far and what we’ve discussed today, how do you plan to improve your communication together going forward?

Kurt Quines: Definitely a work in progress. So, learning how to communicate well is ongoing and we both know that it takes a lot of work and patience.

Myrtle Alegado: It never stops, to be honest.

Jannelle Quines: Never, no.

Kurt Quines: For sure, and developing good communication habits as well is a lot of trial and error. So, you know, hopefully like we’ll get through it and patience is definitely the key. We’re also learning not to take things too personally or like it’s a personal attack or criticism of each other. So, putting that ego aside when your partner is sharing how they feel or giving feedback.

Jannelle Quines: Yeah. 

Myrtle Alegado: That’s a tough one to learn, but yeah that’s very true.

Janelle Quines: It’s definitely, it’s tough to learn for yourself. But I think another thing that comes to mind is assuming or expecting the other person “just knows” or “should know”, like putting that aside. I think that’s part of the ego aspect of it. It’s like you think, “Oh, you should know this,” but you know trying not to think in that sort of mindset is something that we’re still working on improving, even now. And I think that it’s a challenge for many newlyweds.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, for sure. And this is actually another big part of communication, and that is managing expectations and being on the same page as your spouse.

And this aspect of effective communication in  marriage will actually be the  topic in our next episode. So, we’ll discuss the importance of husband and wife understanding and agreeing on each other’s expectations.

But for now, thank you so much to our newlyweds, Jannelle & Kurt.

Jannelle Quines: You’re very welcome. Thank you guys for having us.

Kurt Quines: It was nice to be here.

Myrtle Alegado: Well, you guys gave great answers, you know, great discussion. It’s always awesome, very nice, to hear first-hand examples of how married couples deal with their challenges, you know real-life kind of experiences. And in Jannelle and Kurt’s case they mentioned they continue to work on their communication with one another, and most of all they communicate & pray to God that He continues to give them patience and understanding and that their love will continue to grow. We hope that all newlywed couples out there had a great learning experience today in our first episode for this series we have started on effective communication in marriage.

Remember to tune in to our next episode as we continue the discussion and we tackle the topic of ‘Expectations.’

Well, that’s it for our discussion today. To learn more about Christian relationships please visit www.incmedia.org. Or if you have any questions or just want to send us a message, please do so by emailing [email protected] with the subject Happy Life. Please also share this episode with newlywed couples you think would enjoy or benefit from it.

Thank you, from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today, and God bless all the married couples.

[Show closes]

Myrtle Alegado (host): So the wedding rings have been exchanged, you’ve tied the knot, and all those months of planning and anticipation have come and gone with your “big day.” Maybe part of you wishes you could go back and make that excitement last just a little bit longer… But what you’re probably asking yourselves now is “What’s next?”, “How can we get that amazing life we have always dreamed of?”

And looking at the numbers on www.CDC.gov with nearly 50% of marriages ending in divorce, and on Statistics Canada with divorce rates on the rise, the more important question is: “How can we have a happy married life?”

Welcome to Happy Life, the newest podcast brought to you by INCMedia that focuses on newlywed concerns. We tackle topics from marriage challenges to newlywed struggles and throw in some tips and advice.

I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado. This past May my husband, Paul, and I celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary, but we became boyfriend and girlfriend in 1995. Now, whether you’re newly wed or have been married for some time, stay with us to find out what you can do, so that all will go well in your marriage and in your life .

[Show jingle/catchphrase]

Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to ‘Happy Life’

Myrtle Alegado:  So after the honeymoon, you and your spouse are now living under the same roof, and you’re thinking, “Well, what’s next?” Let’s hear from newlyweds Abigail and Kenneth who have been married for a little over a year now. Welcome to Happy Life, Kenneth and Abbie.

Abigail Sarmiento: Hello.

Kenneth Sarmiento: Hello. Thanks for having us.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, it’s great to have you here! So, can you share how your first few months as a married couple went. How did it go?

Abigail Sarmiento: First few months. Okay, so first let’s go to our honeymoon. We took a three day mini-getaway to Whistler, which is here in British Columbia, Canada. Then a couple months later we went to the Philippines, because you know it’s nice to get away, just us, to relax and focus on each other.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh wow! Yeah that sounds great. So, okay, you get back from your trip, and then what happened? What sorts of adjustments took place?

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yeah, in terms of dealing with adjustments, I’d say the biggest adjustment so far was when we moved in together into my parents basement unit. Abigail’s adjustment to the new living situation was more challenging, because she definitely missed her parents and her comfort zone. And what else, Abbie?

Abigail Sarmiento: Like, my bedroom and all other familiar things.

Myrtle Alegado: Well that’s understandable. So, how did the transition take place then?

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yeah, I remember that in the first few months, she would always visit my in-laws at least three times a week after work. And so sometimes I was home alone waiting for her until past 10pm.

Abigail Sarmiento: Awww.

Kenneth Sarmiento: But, you know, I didn’t complain much since she’d always bring back cooked meals from her mom.

Abigail Sarmiento: Of course.

Myrtle Alegado: Wow, that is pretty late, but you know what, home cooking is always nice, so.

Kenneth, if you could just hold your thoughts for one minute, if you don’t mind, because Abbie I want to ask you to try to explain why it was hard for you to transition to moving in with Kenneth. I mean, you just got married and you just got back from your honeymoon. So why were you feeling a little bit lonely? Can you try to explain?

Abigail Sarmiento: Ooh, okay. Yeah, it was hard because of me thinking of the ‘what ifs.’ It was a new environment for me, living with my in-laws. And, you know, we might have different perspectives in some things. Unlike when I was with my parents and brother, I can say or do whatever I want because they know me well. So, when I moved in, I would start thinking, “What if I do this? What if I do that? Is it going to be okay with them?” Or “am I doing it right?” There were worries like that in my head, and that made me a bit lonely.

Myrtle Alegado: Aww, so kind of like you were second guessing yourself on certain things.

Abigail Sarmiento: Yes but, actually, fortunately, as I see my in-laws every day, as I talk to them whenever there’s a chance, I could say that my in-laws really made me feel welcome as a new member of the family. And I believe having the same faith definitely helped.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, that’s awesome! So, okay, Kenneth back to you now. So when you saw that Abbie was having, you know, a hard time adjusting, was maybe a little bit homesick, how did you help her transition? She said that your parents were very, you know, accommodating to her. So, how did you help her transition?

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yeah, first of all, as her husband, of course I was concerned. I really wanted to make her feel more comfortable. So, we talked about it and really tried to stay open to each other, and most importantly, we also pray together.

Myrtle Alegado: Can you maybe expand a little bit more on what your communication looked like? How did you comfort Abbie through those adjustments when she felt homesick?

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yes, there were times we communicated with words, and also other times just by our actions. So let me try to explain this a little bit. With words, we try to speak in such a way that we express honestly what we feel or think about a certain issue, just like a straightforward, direct approach. Almost like when you talk with your best friend, there’s no guessing or hesitation. Meanwhile, when we communicate through actions, usually it’s because we’ve noticed each other’s moods or expressions. For example, if Abigail is unusually quiet,

then I know it usually means that-

Abigail Sarmiento: Mmhmmm.

Kenneth Sarmiento: -something is bothering her.

Myrtle Alegado: Uh oh.

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yeah, and then I respond first by maybe giving her a hug, making her feel more comfortable, and then I ask her what’s on her mind.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, you know, that’s great. It sounds like, you know, you’re really in tune with each other’s moods, and you can adapt to one another.

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yes.

Abigail Sarmiento: Oh, don’t get me wrong. At first we had these embarrassing and awkward moments too, because, you know, we were together almost 24 hours a day, right? So, we got to see each other’s flaws and weird habits that we did not really show each other when we were still dating.

Myrtle Alegado: Right.

Abigail Sarmiento: Yeah, and then there were times we would have different opinions on matters in the home and other topics like that.

Myrtle Alegado: Okay, so how did you deal with that? You know, what was your approach? Were you, like Kenneth said, you know, as if talking to your best friend, brutally honest with each other, or did you have to choose your words carefully sometimes?

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yes, in the beginning, some things that would leave us both irritated were criticizing each other’s driving skills, or like buying stuff that isn’t really needed. Like for example, when Abbie and I go shopping, whether it be food, groceries or even clothing, just before we leave the house we already have, like, a what to buy list in our minds, or write it down on a piece of paper. And then, when we’re at the store, all of a sudden we see the 50% off aisle or the buy-one-get-one aisle.

Abigail Sarmiento: Yes! Savings!!

Kenneth Sarmiento: Well, next thing we know it, we bought more things than we’ve actually really needed.

Myrtle Alegado: I can relate, I can relate.

Kenneth Sarmiento: But, you know, after those experiences we just try to remind each other that, just gently remind each other maybe we don’t need those things now, or maybe we can buy those in the future.

Or maybe there are some experiences or issues that gently reminding each other doesn’t clearly work out, or if we really needed to talk things through, then Abbie’s been the one who usually initiates the conversation. If for some reason she didn’t feel like talking, but I could feel that she was really struggling with something, then I would try to open up and start a conversation.

Myrtle Alegado: It sounds like you’re both taking turns initiating the conversation and that’s really awesome. Earlier, Kenneth, you mentioned that you pray together. What did you pray for specifically?

Abigail Sarmiento: Okay, so first of all, the reason we probably don’t have big fights, is because we talk openly with each other, as Kenneth mentioned a while ago—we communicate.

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yes.

Abigail Sarmiento: And regarding our prayers, we always include that may our Almighty God strengthen our relationship to be loving, caring, loyal, trustworthy, faithful with each other. And that God may guide us in all our decisions and goals in this life.

Myrtle Alegado: Yes, those are wonderful things to pray for. And after hearing examples of these challenges newlyweds face, let’s bring in a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, Brother Felmar Serreno.

Hi Brother Felmar, and welcome to the podcast!

Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi Sister Myrtle. Thank you for the warm welcome. I am truly happy to be here, really excited for one of our latest podcasts brought to you by the Church Of Christ through INCMedia. And hello! Hello to everyone who’s tuning in.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, thank you so much brother Felmar. We’re happy that you were able to join us today. Now, for the married couples, especially the newlyweds who are tuning in and who may be going through the same types of struggles that Kenneth and Abbie experienced, does the Bible have any advice for us? How do we tell our spouse we think they need to, perhaps, change some habits that bother us? And, you know, what we all really want to know, how can married couples be truly happy?

Brother Felmar Serreno: So we have three questions here right, sister Myrtle?

Myrtle Alegado: Yes, that’s right.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Okay. Well, the answer to your first question is a resounding yes. The Bible has plenty of advice for married couples. In fact, the truly essential and fundamental teachings and guidelines on marriage are in the Bible. Why? Because the Bible is the Word of God. And God is the one who instituted marriage.

Let me skip to your third question before answering the second one. So your third question goes: “How can married couples be truly happy?”

Myrtle Alegado: That’s right.

Brother Felmar Serreno: Let’s all direct our attention please to what the Bible says here in the book of Psalms, chapter 128, verses 1 to 4, as rendered in the Good News Translation:

Happy are those who obey the LORD, who live by his commands. Your work will provide for your needs; you will be happy and prosperous. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine in your home, and your children will be like young olive trees around your table. A man who obeys the LORD will surely be blessed like this.

[Psalm 128:1-4 Good News Translation]

Brother Felmar Serreno: So true happiness in marriage, and in life, isn’t dependent on wealth or exotic vacations, as what TV or other media portray at times. Rather, according to the Bible, it is those who fear God who have true happiness.

How can you identify those who have holy fear of God? They have true respect, obedience, and submission to God and His ways. What can people who live this way expect? They will be happy, the Bible says. Their marriage will be happy, and their home will be happy. Why? Because they will surely be blessed by God.

Therefore, we must allow God to be at the center of our life, and we must allow His teachings to be the foundation of our marriage. Now for your second question, if you could remind me please, Sister Myrtle.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh it was, “How do we tell our spouse we think they need to perhaps change some habits that bother us?”

Brother Felmar Serreno: Right. So it goes without saying, when you go into marriage many adjustments will happen. Right, Brother Kenneth and Sister Abbie?

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yes, it does, Brother.

Abigail Sarmiento: A lot, a lot, Brother.

Brother Felmar Serreno: All right. Now let’s remember, brethren and our friends who are tuning in. Let’s all remember, prior to marriage you were living with your parents maybe, or you were living on your own. And for so many years you followed how your parents did things around the house, for example. Or you followed your own method of getting through the day, developing your own habits along the way. But now you’re living with your spouse, your God-given partner in life. Although physically two distinct human beings but now, through marriage, the two are one in the sight of God, as stated in the book of Mark, chapter 10, verses 7 to 9. So not only because of your love for each other, but also because of our love for God, and giving due reverence to holy matrimony, husband and wife have to cooperate and make the team up work—ergo, adjustments.  And yes the adjustments can take years.

Myrtle Alegado: And years, and years.

Brother Felmar Serreno: And years and years. Right Sister Myrtle. So, let’s all be guided by additional teachings coming from the Holy Scriptures. When it comes to making those adjustments, husband and wife, as we go on in marriage, especially on the part of the newlyweds who are tuning in at this time. So, let us listen to what is stated here in the book of 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, verses 4 to 5 in the New International Version:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

[1 Corinthians 13:4-5 New International Version]

Brother Felmar Serreno: So, taking into consideration that the Bible teaches us to be patient, kind, don’t be proud, don’t dishonor or disrespect others, so applying this to marriage and our issue right now on ‘making adjustments,’ so both the husband and wife should be willing to make adjustments in themselves and be willing to support their spouse in the adjustments that he or she is facing.

But here’s the important part, what is the foundation for making those adjustments, whether it be in our character, lifestyle, habits, making those adjustments as a married couple? So the foundation for making the latter should still be God’s teachings which are recorded in the Bible.

Myrtle Alegado: Thank you so very much, Brother Felmar, for being with us today and for sharing with us those wonderful teachings and advice from the Bible.

Brother Felmar Serreno: The honor is mine, Sister Myrtle. God bless to all.

Myrtle Alegado: So Kenneth and Abbie back to you and your experiences. Have you had any other situations or topics so far that, you know, you didn’t exactly see eye to eye on.

Abigail Sarmiento: Uh, what else, Kenneth? Maybe division of chores and other responsibilities.

Kenneth Sarmiento: Ooh, that’s right. Though we live in the basement unit of my parents’ place, we have to decide for ourselves now how to manage things.

Myrtle Alegado: Well, that seems to be a popular one amongst newlyweds, trying to decide that. So you’ll be happy to know we have a few tips that we found to share, that we pulled from some sources, and here they are.

So, practical tips on division of chores. Number one is: list your chores. Sounds easy enough but sit together and make a list of chores that needs to be done, you know, daily, weekly, monthly, maybe even yearly, and just divide them. Number two: make chores proportional. Look at how much spare time you both have outside of work and divide the chores accordingly so that, you know, one won’t end up having more leisure time than the other and Abbie can’t have a movie marathon while poor Kenneth is vacuuming the whole house, you know. And then number three: take turns. So rather than trying to equally divide each chore every day, try taking turns. If there’s a task you both loathe, alternate who does it but, you know, make sure that the turns are fair. Better still, learn to love the task because it has to be done.

Abigail Sarmiento: Right.

Myrtle Alegado: So Kenneth and Abbie, believe it or not, we’ve come to our last question for today.

Abigail Sarmiento: Woooo!

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yes!

Myrtle Alegado: Are you ready for it?

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yes, we’re ready.

Myrtle Alegado: You sound too happy that this is coming to an end. All right. Well, the question is: “Are you happy?”

Kenneth Sarmiento: Yes we are.

Abigail Sarmiento: Yes we….wait are we? Yeah, of course we are happy. Although we know there are still plenty of challenges that we have yet to face but we are confident that, with God’s help, we will stay a content and happy married couple.

Kenneth Sarmiento: And yes, we are happy but we are still adjusting and improving our communication as we go on. We know marriage is a lifetime commitment.

Myrtle Alegado: Oh, absolutely. Well, first of all, let me say a big thank you to Kenneth and Abbie for joining us on the show today.

Kenneth Sarmiento: Hey, thanks for having us. We had a great time.

Abigail Sarmiento: Yes, it’s a pleasure. It’s happy to be here.

Myrtle Alegado: Now to all of our listeners, especially all you newlyweds out there, if you noticed Kenneth and Abbie remarked that they are happy as husband and wife, but they also acknowledge that they are still adjusting to each other and improving their communication. And chances are all you newlyweds are going through the same thing, which is why we’re excited to invite you back for our next episode, which will actually start off a series about effective communication in marriage.

So be sure to join us in our next episode as we educate ourselves on the importance of communication for newlyweds and touch on some of the challenges. Until then you can visit www.incmedia.org to find more information on Christian relationships. We’d also appreciate your feedback about this new podcast of the Church Of Christ. You can email them to [email protected] with the subject: Happy Life. Feel free to also email us your questions about marriage, or even just to say hi.

Well, that’s all we have for you today. On behalf of everyone here at Happy Life, thank you all for tuning in. God bless to all the newlyweds out there.

[Show closes]

Myrtle Alegado (host): As newlyweds, your wedding day was probably one of the most important events in your life to date. So much goes into wedding-planning, and quite often, engaged couples get so focused on the quote/unquote “BIG DAY” that what comes afterwards, the real life , normal day-to-day adjustments, issues and concerns can come as a surprise.

I’m Myrtle Alegado, your host of Happy Life, a new podcast coming soon by INCMedia Audio. With the help of some newlywed couples who share their real-life experiences, we’re here to help you maneuver through this uncharted territory of married life. 

[Kurt Quines soundbite] 

“It was challenging adjusting to living apart from our own families.” 

[Kim Muolic soundbite]

“…honestly, because there’s no way that your spouse can read your mind.”

[Martin Zerrudo soundbite]

“We have different responsibilities and lifestyles. So, definitely, that was one of the challenges and areas of disagreement.”

[Jannelle Quines soundbite]

“Prayer has helped us a lot… knowing that God is there to listen to us, and that He knows already about our worries, our stresses, our concerns, it’s really comforting.”

Myrtle Alegado (host): You know, sometimes, it just helps to know that there are other couples who are going through the same thing. You’ll hear how prayer and Bible-based teachings helped them tackle their challenges. 

Stay tuned and find us on the INC Media app, Apple podcast and Google podcast.