Have a Go

Today we are going back to a defining moment in Australia’s sporting history: The Olympic swimming selection trials of 2004.

The nation held its breath when Ian Thorpe slipped on the blocks in the 400m qualifying heats for Athens 2004, earning an automatic disqualification from the stickler official.

Thorpe claimed a noise caused him to jump. the blocks. What was that noise? Was it the sound of sponsorship dollars going down the drain? Or perhaps the NRL's Phantom Siren diversifying into new sports?

Anyway, his appeal was unsuccessful - and our dreams of back-to-back Gold in the 400m were dashed. That is, until teammate Craig Stevens bowed to public pressure, stepping aside to give his place to Thorpe and pocketing $130k for the "tell all" interview rights.

Was this a Gallipoli-like sacrifice, or just another small step towards the general malaise of Australian society?

Audio production courtesy of Tim ‘T-Dog’ Eldridge. Graphic design courtesy of Julia Edwards.

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We’ve got Gina Rinehart-levels of gold flowing in the pool thanks to Ariane Titmus and Kaylee McKeown, and a swimming team that is pleasing its AOC masters by rag-dolling socials with regular viral content.

But while this may be keeping John Coates happy, what about the locals in Japan? Is there anything in the COVID marshall handbook for negotiating a gyrating white man? And why does the IOC bristle about podium trivialities, but couldn’t care less about a profanity voiced by Rebecca Gibney?

Once this is sorted, we talk about the ASMR-qualities of Ian Thorpe, blokes in Kathmandu puffer jackets and a repechage for Good Strong Women, before wrapping it up with daggy parents and China’s tactic of conquering the West by body-shaming it’s own female weightlifters.

Audio production courtesy of Tim ‘T-Dog’ Eldridge. Graphic design courtesy of Julia Edwards.

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Tom Birmingham from the Hello Sport Podcast is on as part of our special 'Olympic Reflections' mini-series.

We earnestly discuss the lingering cultural impact of Matt Shirvington's junk (upon close review, it's still as big as we remembered it to be) while reflecting on Jane Savile's sad (but technically correct) last minute disqualification from the Sydney 2000 Olympics.

The Hello Sport Podcast is a celebration of the great Australian past time that is talking about sport with unqualified opinion and unwavering bias. It's hosted by two young blokes, Tom and Eddy, who are going places. You can get it wherever you get your podcasts etc.

Elite audio production from Tim 'T-Dog' Eldridge; graphic design thanks to Julia Edwards.

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Day 4 is here, and we’re already in the bad books with the IOC. But who cares, because how good’s a relay gold with no subsequent commercial impact?

Even though they’ll never see a corpie, our 4x100m relay golden girls crushed the Americans on the way to gold. But was it enough to satiate our collective appetite for medals? And how much of this undue pressure can we shift on to the shoulders of Ariarne Titmus?

For those unaware, she’s the girl from the Harvey Norman ads. Not only do we badly need her to trump evil American Katie Ledecky, but Gerry Harvey does too. Can she bring it home for the whitegoods tsar after a gruelling year without JobKeeper?

Whether or not she salutes, at least Channel 7 will routinely remind us about the AFL. Apparently it’s a new Olympic sport now along with netball, mainly because Patrick Dangerfield said so.

Better yet, we’ve got Basil Zempilas, one bloke with a truckload of Insta followers in K-Mart youth clobber, and Dean Capobianco just listed his Clovelly home - and it’s all set against the backdrop of Japanese efficiency and the ferocious delta strain.

Audio production courtesy of Tim ‘T-Dog’ Eldridge. Graphic design courtesy of Julia Edwards.

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Much like a 40-year-old man trying to impress the friends of his new 22-year-old girlfriend, the IOC is rolling out a bunch of ‘rad’ new sports at Tokyo 2020.

But why does everything have to be new? Broadcast dollars, mainly. But it's not the IOC's most desperate cash grab: that was Paris 1900, which included highly marketable sports such as live pigeon shooting and poodle clipping.

Karate's in at Tokyo, and that makes sense, but what the actual fuck is 'Sport Climbing'? We're assume it's like the Wall on 'Gladiators', with matches refereed by Mike Whitney and John Alexander (with Mike Hammond as lead commentator.)

Meanwhile, our skateboarding team is made up of a handful of teenagers plus a 31-year-old bloke who was selected to do the bottle shop runs. Plus Joel Caine has been tapped to do the live odds reads at the Keirin event.

Introducing our special 'Spotlight on Tokyo' mini-series (14:25). Audio production from Tim ‘T-Dog’ Eldridge. Graphic design courtesy of Julia Edwards.

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After a typically precise and covid-devalued Opening Ceremony, Day 1 is underway at Tokyo.

Join the boys as they run the rule over the fanfare of the first night at the Tokyo National Stadium and face the burning questions that arose.

How good was the lights and graphics and shit? Will the weight of a state-of-the-art graphite flagpole cost Cate Campbell? And if the Olympics are supposed to help us forget about COVID, then why was the whole thing packed with references to this feral virus?

Once that’s sorted, we’ll look forward to the Aussies in action on day one. There’s a six-time table tennis legend, blue collar hockey players, and a good strong bloke on the surfboard. Who should we keep an eye on? Who’s going to bomb out? And who deserves the weight of a nation’s unattainable expectations?

Featuring the unbridled Olympic Spirit of social commentator and comedian, Luke Heggie.

Audio production courtesy of Tim ‘T-Dog’ Eldridge. Graphic design courtesy of Julia Edwards.

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Welcome to Have a Go's special daily coverage of the Tokyo 2020 Games.

Many thought it wouldn't happen, but through sheer determination (and water-tight contracts) the IOC have fought off a global pandemic to muscle this thing in to existence.

Sport is a microcosm of society - it gives us hope and dares us to dream... or some shit - but do the Japanese even want this? Meanwhile, the athletes are under strict orders not to engage in any coital activities in the Village. What's the point of winning Gold if you can't wear your medal out on the circuit to attract women?

There's already been controversies - our equestrians are on the nose beers, our tennis players are getting COVID, our basketballers getting into altercations - while our softball team invoked the Mercy Rule in their hiding at the hands of a rampant Japan. Meanwhile, the Matilda's took a noble stand against racism... only to be outdone by New Zealand yet again.

Finally, AOC boss John Coates is feeling bloody hot right now after landing Brisbane 2032. How good's absolute, unchallenged power?

Audio production courtesy of Tim ‘T-Dog’ Eldridge. Graphic design courtesy of Julia Edwards. 

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We've covering the biggest international sporting event of the year in a special daily podcast. Try and guess which one? (It'll save us from having to type the words and risk being sued by a certain Swiss-based sporting organisation.)

We'll be bringing you event previews, race reviews, gold medal updates, feature stories, special guests and wild tangents... all dripping with Sydney 2000 nostalgia.

Forget COVID, let's pour all our energy into supporting largely unknown amateur athletes in various obscure events over the next two weeks.

Our dedicated Tokyo coverage begins July 23. Subscribe now.

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Please enjoy this special hour-long "best bits" episode to mark the end of Series One!

Episode includes some new exclusive content and a hint as to what's next for the Have a Go team.

After 20 episodes of deep painful introspection, are we any closer to understanding what makes Australia tick? No, but at least we've contributed 600+ mins of audio content to the internet.

If you've been enjoying this Podcast, feel free to leave a review. It'll take 13 seconds of your time and give us the shot of dopamine we desperately need in these challenging times.

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It's the quadrennial event that unites the world in a kaleidoscope of excitement, triumph, and premium advertising opportunities.

Here in Australia, we love a gold medal more than anything else (especially one we haven't budgeted for). And we'll never forget that the Sydney 2000 Games were universally declared the "best ever". It was a simpler time: the economy was booming, political leadership was stable, there were fewer Royal Commissions, Roy and HG were on Free-to-Air TV, and there were certainly no defamation lawsuits being levelled by Victoria Cross recipients.

But today, the feats of Duncan Armstrong, Cathy Freeman, the Oarsome Foursome, Nikki Webster and Rod McGeoch are a distant memory, with the unconditional adoration for our plucky athletes and administrators making way for nitpickers hell-bent on calculating the precise taxpayer cost for each gold medal.

So, is this glorified amateur athletics carnival still relevant in 2021? Or has COVID dulled our enthusiasm for this great global symbol of hope and peace? Are we too wrapped up in our provincial footy codes to consider the soft power diplomacy impact of winning a decathlon bronze? And hang on, has Brisbane seriously lobbed a bid for 2032?

Featuring guest appearance by comedian and social commentator Sean Woodland. Audio production from Tim ‘T-Dog’ Eldridge. Graphic design courtesy of Julia Edwards.

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