Boy howdy, we got some bucking broncos in this one, pardners. Sean really makes Jeff and Bret put the lotion in the basket in Kyle’s Click. March through that swamp to get to the sweet nougat within – we ‘analyze’ Harry Potter and the sixth Harry Potter movie, the Prince Years. Right off the bat, we get into some deep sacrilege. Clean your house with a spell! Did you know that all rats are into anime, and if you own a rat, they need a Heads Up-branded trilby right now. Oh, and hey – why IS young Harry Potter always covered in blood? Also we ate 100 Grand candy bars. TALKING POINTS: The Seduction of Slughorn, or, the Harry Honeytrap; “I know – I’ll solve my problem with drugs!”; Double Dog Dare Snape; Loveable Becker; Rumplestiltskin’s lesser known companion, Peter Naysayer.

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Kyle’s Click gets us somewhere! Finally! It’s all coming home in this one, like the proverbial cows and dinners. Have we lost you already? Well, stick around for some cloaca talk – after another long discussion about the byzantine processes of law in the wizarding world. It’s time for some Order of the Phoenix – well, it’s time for the Order of the Phoenix to be briefly introduced, and then forgotten about until the end of the film. Can young upstart Voldemort change the tyranny of the Ministry? Or will he be foiled by the child-army of the terrorist Dumbledore, who seeks to overthrow the Ministry for his own, darker reasons? This episode is super stuffed with content – dip these salty boys in some milk and get masticating – it’s time for Heads Up. Talking points: Gun Ownership in the Neo-Apocalypse; Drone Strikes on the Soul; We Don’t Need No Education (Even If It’s to Learn Reality-Changing Magic); YOUR FATHER WAS A SWINE; Bellatrix/Bella-kickflips; Fuckin’ Millennials.

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We dip our little toes into the behind the scenes of the podcast – for instance, how do we look at Twitter? Top down, or oldest to newest? Don’t worry about that nonsense, though – we loaded this ep with some more excellent Harry Potter discussions. Wizard cops? Total shit. But Wizard Police Academy? Now we’re cooking with magic! Elves are slaves, people are prizes, and ghosts are peepin’ your doinkers in this super cool film, and we got the hot scoop. Dump your memories in a bowl and see if you can find the DARE program, because we wrap up with a weird, out-of-place, anti-drug message.

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Head Boy Jeff and Supreme Justice Sean continue their weary march into the Harry Potter films. Jeff lays down some sweet pen eraser jokes. Stella gets a formal introduction. And what’s this? Does Kyle’s Click gets a whole new musical intro? Whoaaaaaaaa, no it’s a fake out, don’t worry. The segment is still…whatever it is. Topics of Conversation: Puddle of Fish, The Search for Kyle’s Soulmate, Buckbeak Gets a Trial, Clash of Grandmothers. Eat your candy hearts out!

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Wizard Year 2017 continues with Harry Potter 2: Snake Stuff. Is Harry Potter actually Lord Voldemort, a la Fight Club? Does Hagrid try to get Harry Potter killed? Just what kind of judicial system do these wizards have, anyway? The threads of Dumbledore’s plot are becoming more tangled, but we sort it out for you. Come along for a magical train ride, if some stupid elf doesn’t lock you out. Elves – always jerks. (And, in keeping with Bret and Jeff’s obsession with the love lives of pre-teens, they pitch a new podcast, Potter After Dark. Buncha pervos in this one, dawwwwgs.)

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2017 is the Year of the Wizard, everyone knows that. Yeah, you didn't ask for it, but that's how magic works. Most of this year we're going to be getting into some eldritch magics, examining the questions we all must face at one point or another: what does it mean to be a wizard? We're starting off with some deceptively labeled "children's entertainment" in the form of Harry Potter and Sorcerer's Stone (the film). Did you know Hagrid labors under an enchantment of mind-control? That Harry Potter is a loaded gun, ready to unload at the slightest provocation? That the Houses of the school are a dystopian method of societal control? We get into some quidditch nonsense too. Join us for some arcanum obscura while we expose the dark designs behind every action in Hogwart's hallowed halls. Welcome to wizard middle school. Hope you have life insurance.

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Sure, it’s a self-conscious intro – our most self-conscious yet! – but just wait until you hear these potential accusations about Ryan Seacrest. We’re not saying he’s a vampire, but we will unless he denies it first. Hashtag attack-cast. Then there’s some wizard talk. In fact, Jeff just can’t let go of this wizard talk. Sean is done with it before it starts, but he’s all wrong, because we get to be Saved by the Wizard up in here. We get into some serious questions in this one, buddies: What’s the evite situation with vampires? Why couldn’t Voldemort become principal of a high school? Why are Swedish Fish Oreos the worst possible Oreos? Put on your wizard hat and robes, grab your magic staff, and let’s get sorcerous.

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Our first guest: photographer and professional bodybuilder Bret Woodard! We treat him to some good old Massachusetts hospitality - we taunt and mock him and generally treat him poorly. I hope you like sound effects, because Bret teaches Jeff how to edit, and he also takes on the disabled. Don't worry, we get to some solid advice in this one too - how do you know your Facebook post is good? What makes a nerd? Also there's a list of parks Jeff once visited, which of course is riveting. Don't forget to stay tuned for AuntWatch 2016.

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The boys really take the music industry to task on this one. Jeff went on vacation, and he sure has some stories to tell. Apologies for Sean’s audio quality. There’s some nonsense about the manticore that rules the Isle of Misfit Toys before we get to the low-down on Swedish fish. Load up some trash music and get ready to send email from Jon Bon Jovi’s email service – it’s the Christmas episode.

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The boys get into some deep convos here. No shallow end in sight. Blow the whistle, 'cause free swim is over, and it's time for the pros to take the stage - or, uh, the pool. Is voting important? Was Marty McFly really the hero of Back to the Future? Do burgers count as sandwiches? Yes, no, and no! I just saved you an hour of your time. You're welcome. And don't forget to look for the hottest, most trademark-violating game of 2017, Settlers of Catandyland - in stores never.

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