Because you lost you! The damage of not being seen & heard as a individual, then the day in & day out of invalidation, criticizing, ridiculing, belittling, being held with contempt and having your needs, wants, and feeling minimize…everything you say and do is controlled and little by little you lose yourself. You are told Overtly or Covertly that you don't make any sense and you can't do anything right and everything is wrong with you…you are just wrong and after enough time passes you start to question yourself then you start to believe it. You were dehumanize!
Narcissistic Abuse is no joke. It robs you of everything that makes you-you! You might be told that you laugh to loud and it is annoying, so you stop laughing so loud, but then, you find yourself not laughing at all. You are mocked for everything
You learn not to share good news to the narcissist because maybe you'll be mocked and it will be minimize or your good news will be met with some form of punishment. You learn not to share bad news because it will either be ignored or used against you at a later date. In time, you learn to make yourself small…not seen.
With all of that plus you are so confused from the push & pull of good days and bad days manipulation tactics, the Gaslighting, being blamed for everything that ever went wrong in the relationship and in the life of the narcissist and all the lying and the sheer disbelief that someone told you he/she loved you and that person betrayed your trust.
It is like being in the middle of the ocean on a small boat in a storm. The waves are so high you can't see pass them and it is raining with the wind just howling. Waves are hitting you from every direction and it's dark and the fog has taken over and you can't seem to find your way out. That storm is Narcissistic Abuse. As you come out of it the waves have calm down and the wind and rain has also calm down, but it is still very dark and the fog is still there. It takes time for the fog to lift and for the darkness to faded. It takes time to get your balance back. It also takes time for you to know yourself. You are not the same person who went into this relationship and you may never be that person again. Your view on yourself has change…how you think and look at other people has change…your world view has change. You are questioning everything you thought was true about the relationship…about yourself and about the world.
Who would ever imagine someone could torture another person and never lay a hand on them? Why would someone ever want to destroy a person who they claim to love?
We don't think they way they do and it never dawns on us that people can seem caring, kind, respectful, and loving could be a monster.
We are taught at a young age to stay away from strangers…to not get into cars with people we don't know, but no one taught us that there are people who will be caring, kind, helpful, seem loving and will be a family member…a friend…a partner and have lack of empathy that will make your life a living hell.
It takes time to find your way back to having a life that makes sense again. You have been through hell and give yourself some time and read that book because it has a lot of steps you can do to heal and to find yourself again
