10 Shame’s Disguise: People-Pleasing, Perfectionism & Proving Yourself

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Today’s episode is one that I think hits close to home for so many of us on this healing journey. We’re talking about shame—but not the loud, obvious kind. We’re talking about the quiet shame. The kind that hides in things we thought were just part of our personality: people-pleasing, perfectionism, and proving ourselves constantly.

[00:50.178] What Shame actually is.

[01:52.876] The ways Shame shows up.

[02:04.276] People-Pleasing.

[04:06.008] Perfectionism.

[06:12.829] Proving.

[08:52.018] Ways to help heal.

[11:49.730] Affirmations for Healing

[16:23.933] I Love You.

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9 The Duality of Control - Part 2: The Illusion of Control

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Last week we started our discussion on The Duality of Control and what it looks like to be controlled in our relationships, and how it quietly steals pieces of who you are. This week we’re doing a 180. And we’re going to look in the mirror and see how being controlled, has turned us into trying to control everything.

[01:23.786] The Illusion of Control

[02:30.581] How Control Shows Up

[04:03.233] What control looks like in my life.

[12:12.402] How to learn to let go.

[15:16.610] Affirmations for Healing

[18:32.249] I Love You.

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8 The Duality of Control - Part 1: Being Controlled

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This week we’re going to discuss what it looks like to be controlled in a relationship, how it affects us, and how we can heal from it. Next week, we’ll discuss how being controlled causes us to be controlling.

[00:19.738] What does control look like in real life?

[03:04.237] Red Flags & Subtle Signs

[03:44.349] What control looked like in my life.

[11:09.294] The damage being controlled cuases.

[12:44.973] Affirmations for Healing

[15:46.801] I Love You.

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7 Healing the Heart

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In this episode I talk about healing your heart. My path to healing and the various methods of healing I have used.

[00:01.448] Healing the Heart

[00:50.810] My Hurts & Traumas

[04:14.380] How Did My Healing Journey Begin

[04:18.316] Side Note - I have aphantasia

[05:13.909] EMDR Therapy

[08:40.309] Iron Man Challenge / Indoor Triathlon

[11:06.465] I Didn't Sabotage

[13:04.077] It's Ok To Take Medicine

[16:10.045] Talk Therapy Helps Too

[17:37.070] Celebrate Recovery & Step Study

[20:53.862] Art Quiets My Mind

[22:07.221] The Start of My Spiritual Journey

[23:00.574] Healing is Not Linear

[24:01.743] Where Am I Today?

[27:05.470] Affirmations for Healing

[30:25.760] I Love You.

• Celebrate Recovery - Information about the Celebrate Recovery program.
• What is EMDR? - A link to learn about what EMDR Therapy is and how those with PTSD can benefit from it.

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6 The Small Miracles in Life

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On this episode I'm talking about what I call miracles, in my life. I don’t mean the miracle of having kids, while yes that in & of itself is a miracle, that’s not what I want to talk about. I’m talking about the one where you look up & go “God, I could use a little help here” kind of miracles. And the ones that seem like coincidences but there is just no explanation for the event/outcome.

[00:37.410] Miracle vs. Coincidence

[01:42.439] Miracles in the Desert

[05:46.136] Money's Tight

[09:00.878] Health Miracles

[10:36.475] I Prayed for Him

[11:38.999] Work Miracles

[17:03.491] House Miracle

[18:37.007] Medical Emergency

[19:58.497] Pregnancies

[21:51.364] Albert Einstein

[22:29.872] Guardian Angels

[24:56.237] Manifestation Affirmations

[27:48.313] I Love You.

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5 Narcissism & Gaslighting - Part 2: Family, Friends, & Everyone Else

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On this episode we’re going to continue the conversation on narcissism & gaslighting. How it shows up in people close to you like parents or siblings & other people you meet throughout your life. And then how to set boundaries so they can’t bring/or you don’t let any more toxicity in your life.

[00:24.565] NPD DSM-5-TR Criteria

[02:13.249] 6 Types of Narcisissts

[05:20.318] Narcisissts in My Life

[07:33.807] CPS Called

[09:21.334] Outside Observer

[10:16.240] It's Just a Joke

[11:11.808] Guess What? Your Mom's Dead :O

[13:39.990] Talk in Circles

[15:35.324] Other Examples

[16:42.198] Set Boundaries

[17:38.134] Talking to a Narcissist

[19:27.687] Serenity Prayer

[22:09.568] I Love You.

• Jefferson Fisher | Improve Your Conversations - Info about Jefferson Fisher - a lawyer who has amazing advice on how to talk to narcissists.
• Narcissistic Personality Disorder - This is the article that discusses NPD, the criteria for it, how it is diagnosed, and other details about it.
• 6 Types of Narcissits - Video of Lewis Howes interviewing Dr. Ramani on the 6 types of Narcisissts.

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4 Narcissism & Gaslighting - Part 1: Intimate Partners

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I want to dive into narcissism & gaslighting and I realized that it will take more than one episode to get through it fully - so today we’re going to take a look at what it looked like in my first marriage, the damage it caused, & the good that has come from it. On the part 2 we’ll go into what it looks like with parents, step-parents, & anyone else you may cross paths with.

Let me preface this by saying either person in a relationship can be a narcissist. In my case, it was my first husband. In my current husband’s case, his 2nd wife was the narcissist. So while I may say “he” that is because of my personal experience, just know that it can be a “she” as well. The basic traits & actions are the same regardless.

[00:02.164] Narcissism & Gaslighting

[01:21.994] The Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

[04:12.494] My First Cycle

[10:52.454] First Signs of Abuse

[12:02.515] He Can, I Can't

[14:04.984] Talk in Circles

[15:07.004] Survivor Mode

[18:05.754] Good & Narcissism

[21:25.964] Gratitude & Affirmation

[24:05.474] I Love You.

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3 Comparison is the Theif of Joy

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On this episode I want to talk about comparing yourself to others, how I have done it in my own life, why we shouldn’t do it, and ways to overcome & accept who you are. 

[00:09.652] My Background

[00:49.095] They're Right, I'm Wrong

[01:52.300] I Did It Backwards

[04:22.912] Why Aren't We Like Them

[07:35.281] Still on the Struggle Bus

[08:33.518] Mind Blown

[10:30.223] Stop It.

[12:46.921] I Know Something About You

[13:35.298] Affirmations

[16:04.821] I Love You

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2 Worthiness

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In this episode I talk about being worthy. How I got to the point of feeling worthless and how I am overcoming that & KNOWING that I AM worthy.

[00:41.750] Not Worthy Enough

[03:24.301] I'm Lazy

[05:31.523] Christmas Surprised Ruined

[09:21.494] Not Worthy of God's Love

[10:37.377] God Loves Me No Matter What

[13:52.146] You Are Worthy

[15:36.559] Affirmation/Prayer

[18:40.673] I Love You

• Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue - Paperback Books 1-4
• Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue - Audiobook - Books 1-3
• Celebrate Recovery - Information about the Celebrate Recovery program.

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Episode 2 Pre-Roll - Worthiness

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1 An Uncommon Perspective

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On this episode I am talking about my uncommon perspectives and how I got to this place of gratitude and healing. In the hopes to help you go in the same direction. Warning though - I will be talking about abuse & suicide in this episode.

[00:21.297] Trigger Warning

[00:26.018] My Background

[01:02.522] The Narcissistic Cycle

[04:30.105] Why Didn't You Just Leave?

[06:18.052] The Moment My Life Changed Forever

[06:57.189] The Aftermath - Grief & Relief

[08:32.496] A New Life Starts

[09:43.982] Not Leaving Without a Transplant

[13:15.763] Uncommon Perspective

[14:05.755] How the Hell Did I Get This Way?

[14:19.983] Therapy

[18:07.950] Gratitude

[21:02.509] Nothing in Life is a Coincidence

[22:13.125] You Can Survive Anything

[24:33.943] The Collective Consciousness

[25:37.445] Worthy of Love

[26:49.431] "Prayer" of Gratitude

[28:11.925] My Soul's Purpose

[29:48.972] Final Words

• Learning the Narcissistic Cycle

• Suicide is the Ultimate Manipulation

• It's Ok to Feel Grief & Relief

• Gratitude is More Powerful Than You Think

• The Collective Consciousness Helps Manifest & Heal

• Celebrate Recovery - Information about the Celebrate Recovery program.
• What is EMDR? - A link to learn about what EMDR Therapy is and how those with PTSD can benefit from it.

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Next Episode - Worthiness

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