It is important to shed insight upon the opposing, yet valid emotions from both sides of conflict, especially in the heat of the moment. However, valuable coaching strategies can help us cope with our own interpersonal challenges, so that we too can find our missing peace. One such valuable coach is Ellen Gendelman, a licensed psychotherapist, certified professional coach, and author of “When Ice Cream Is Not Enough” and “The Missing Peace”, both of which are brimming with mouth-watering vignettes that tell two sides of a story. Ellen is also a veteran educator, motivational speaker, and a passionate champion for helping people grow and maximize their potential. In order to fully grow, we must never allow conflict to sever our precious connections.
Listen to the podcast here:
Coping Strategies With Ellen Gendelman
My guest is Ellen Gendelman. She is a licensed Psychotherapist and a certified Professional Coach. She specializes in working with relationships. Ellen is the veteran educator, a motivational speaker, author, and she has a passion for helping people grow and maximize their potential. She is also the co-author of When Ice Cream is Not Enough, which is available on Amazon. Ellen, welcome to Heartrepreneur Radio.
Thank you so much, Terri. I’ve been looking forward to this.
How did you get into psychotherapy and coaching and what led you to relationships?
The short story is that my father died when I was a little girl. My mother raised us on her own, two little girls, and she told us that even if she knew my father would die, she would've married him again for the love that she had with him and for the nine years of happiness and for the two little girls that came out of their union. I felt the power of relationships. I was born into it and I experienced it and I wanted to share it with others.
I love when people get passionate about something that they have first-hand experience and knowledge of. I feel that very powerful, so I appreciate that. I have to ask this because the name was like, “What? When Ice Cream is Not Enough?” Tell me about this book.
First of all, a title takes a lot of work and a lot of brainstorming and I had neighbors offered to make me brainstorming party. We sat there for hours and everybody with the little sticky notes of all different colors and all different directions. I came home and had a wonderful time. I thank them, but nothing grabs me. The next morning, I woke up and there it was. What it meant to me was a way to catch attention and a way to drive the point home that many times people look for poor substitutes when they're not happy with their relationship with themselves or with others. Maybe they go for the chocolate, for the ice cream, for distraction, for any other kinds of superficial comforts that don't fill that empty space and there's nothing like a meaningful attachment.
What is it that's your best advice in terms of relationships? What are a couple tips or takeaways that we can implement?
I’m going to start with one that’s one of my favorites and it can be summed up in four words. It's not about you. What do I mean? Often, when we work with people, we're looking for chicken love. We're looking for, “That chicken tastes delicious. I love that.” That kind of love is self-love, love of pleasure, love of the way something makes us feel. That's not love that involves an act of giving, of wanting something that is good for somebody else or even wanting something that is good for ourselves in a real, authentic way. “It's not about us” means that if we're focused in a relationship of giving and the other person's focused on giving then we create a beautiful attachment together.
