“I realized... I don't need to yell to be heard anymore. I can just speak.”

Recorded fresh off the playa after the infamous "Mud Burn" of 2023. This is a raw integration session between two brothers navigating the transition from the intense, primal world of Burning Man back to the "default world."

We discuss the physical reality of building camps in the rain, but quickly go deeper into the internal architecture we built along the way.

In this recording:

The Art of Building: Finding joy in service and creation amidst the chaos.

Yelling vs. Projection: A major realization that power doesn't require volume.

Masks: Acknowledging when we wear them for protection, and the safety required to take them off.

The Robot Heart Moment: A surreal experience of being sung to on top of an art car.

Fierce Love: How to hold space without armor.

“I see a little fire that is just starting... and maybe it’s burning way bigger inside you.”

Recorded in the winter of 2022 at the Kirkja sanctuary. This is the closing ceremony of a men's group series—the moment where we offer each other the gift of our truth.

I asked for my words, and my brothers gave them to me.

The Reflections:

The Shadow: "Hurt. Relational Master. Shadow-Dweller." — Acknowledging the pain carried and the elusive nature of the self.

The Light: "Warrior. Lover. Devotional." — Seeing the transition from a man ready for a fight to a man ready to love fiercely.

This recording captures the essence of men's work: the ability to see the "Shadow" and the "King" in the same man, and to honor both.

Phoenix, Unfiltered, Childhood Best Friend, Returning, Seating, Believing, Fierce, Coming Back From Broken, Lover, Direct, Intense, Loving, Truly Caring, Exciting, Hidden Ego, Seeker, Ballsy, Secretive, Given, Tattered Whole, Heart.

“I think you’re running good software... it’s taking you where you need to go.”

Recorded in the Winter of 2021. In this Fire Circle, five brothers offer their reflections, painting a portrait of a man who is "giving from the heart energetically, constantly."

The Reflections:

The Operating System: "Loving. Courageous. Good Software." — A recognition of innate wisdom. The idea that no matter the external chaos, the internal "software" is sharp, wise, and steering the ship correctly.

The Road Grader: "Layers. Leveling. Discernment." — A powerful metaphor about taking the high peaks of fire intensity and "leveling" them out to build a solid foundation.

The Lover: "Given. Polymorphic. So Caring." — Being seen as someone who loves the world sensually and erotically—a "deep yum-ness" for life and people.

The Leader: "Leader. Lover. Intensity." — A reflection on "masculine-infused femininity" and the natural authority that comes from simply showing up.

This session explores the balance between having "extreme" intensity and learning to wield it with discernment.

“Playful. Mysterious. Strong. Humbling. Fierce. Balancing. Ballsy. Demanding. Love.”

Recorded in the Spring of 2021. In this circle, the reflections I received painted a picture of a man living in the balance between contrasting forces.

The Reflections:

The Spirit: "Playful. Mysterious. Seeker." — Being seen as the "puppy dog" with a playful spirit that is contagious, yet holding a deep mystery and curiosity about the world and the self.

The Fire: "Strong. Fierce. Ballsy." — Acknowledging the courage it takes to open up about life's heaviness ("dealing with heroin") and the "ballsy" nature of speaking truth even when it's uncomfortable.

The Heart: "Demanding. Balancing. Love." — A look at "Fierce Love." The idea that demanding the best from others (and yourself) is a form of love, and how that intensity brings balance to the group.

This session is a testament to the "good software" running underneath—a drive that seeks to avoid pain not by numbing, but by seeking a higher realm.

“I think you’re actually growing into your asshole in a healthy way... taking your seat of what feels like more of your whole self.”

Recorded in the Winter of 2020. This represents the raw beginning of the journey documented in these tapes. Here, the reflections aren't about "refinement" yet—they are about the sheer impact of unfiltered presence.

The Reflections:

The Integration: "Fiery. Asshole. Lover." — A profound re-framing of what it means to be an "asshole." Not as a pejorative, but as someone who stops smiling just to be polite and starts speaking the raw, sometimes uncomfortable truth.

The Lens: "Leader. Lover. Laser Eye." — Acknowledging a lack of filter between the brain and the mouth. The "Laser Eye" sees through the noise and speaks directly to the core of the matter.

The Potential: "Ballsy. Demanding. Untapped." — A prophetic reflection on the artist within. Being seen as "captivating" and "entertaining" with a massive reservoir of creative potential (writing, speaking, podcasting) that was just waiting to be unleashed.

This is the sound of potential energy beginning to kineticize.

“I woke up and her hand was all the way up in my sternum, pumping my heart... and the cops are coming.”

This is the story of the bottom.

In the other recordings, you hear the men refer to me as a "Phoenix"—someone who burned everything down to build it back up. This is the moment the burning happened.

I share the story of my years in active addiction, the unconscious drive to seek death that plagued my 20s, and the night I finally got what I was looking for—and realized I didn't want it.

The Key Moments:

The Overdose: The physical reality of dying and being brought back.

The Aftermath: Waking up in a "crack house" with maggots on the walls, and the strange, quiet realization that I was done dying.

The Shift: How facing actual death changed my relationship with fear. I went from having no fear (because I didn't care) to having a healthy fear (because I finally had something to lose).

The Reflections:The men in the circle reflect back the "Phoenix" archetype—acknowledging that my current aliveness and "good software" comes from having survived the total system crash.

“I’m a brand new baby to all this shit... I never knew I could get pleasure.”

This is a raw, deeply personal dialogue between partners about the journey from numbness to feeling.

We explore the shadows of our pasts—stories of sexual repression, harassment, and the deeply ingrained belief that sex was a "job" performed to prevent abandonment. We talk about the dissociation that comes from trauma and the "job" of pleasing others at the expense of the self.

The Breakthrough:Moving from performance to presence. This conversation captures the moment of realizing that pleasure isn't a transaction; it is a birthright.

Key Themes:

Safety as the Key: How feeling truly safe with a partner unlocks the ability to feel.

The "Soulmate" Connection: The sensation of DNA strands wrapping around each other and bodies wanting to merge.

From Death to Life: A reflection on my own history with addiction and near-death experiences, and how choosing to live is intrinsically tied to allowing oneself to feel pleasure.

“You were written before you became a word. You have always been a poem.”

In this quiet, intimate recording, we sit down to read to each other. The words of Kahlil Gibran serve as a vessel for a deeper conversation about love, time, and the act of being truly seen.

We read passages on Time—the measureless stream—and Love—the boundless power that encompasses joy and pain alike.

Reflections on the Reading:

The Art of Reading Aloud: How reading poetry to a partner creates a unique, shared space of vulnerability and connection.

Time as Love: The realization that time, when undivided, is indistinguishable from love itself.

The Best Man Speech: A connection is made between the poetic flow of Gibran and the intuitive, heart-led speech given at a brother's wedding—trusting that the right words will arrive when you simply "show up" for love.

Recorded in a moment of pure necessity and realization.

I was drinking directly from the faucet—mouth against the metal, water streaming—when it hit me: the profound, physical need for water. This is a stream-of-consciousness recording for Tez about feeling malnourished of the elements, the sensation of clean water running through a dry body, and the shift from being a "fiery animal" to learning how to steer the water.

It’s a moment of gratitude for the source.