Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for RAF police “Batmobile” patrols that terrorise midnight Cluedo players… and accidentally spotlight the boss.

Max relives a 1989 traffic jam, a suspiciously wide-necked Apple-Aid bottle, and a lay-by moment that ends with an unfortunate “gift” for a grateful hitchhiker.

Then Jani’s missing neon tetra is found in the worst possible place.

Plus: Colin the Carpet Criminal blames silverfish after a DIY electrics plan tears up a brand-new carpet.

Got a confession? [email protected]