Tim is back from another whirlwind adventure in the southwest. He's rootin and tootin, and about to take a shot, oh no the target somehow sensed that the shot happened and jumped 20 feet to the right...

- When Bandits Jump 20 Feet
- The Cattle Call
- Premature Praise

We live in a world of empty vessels. People who have nothing happening inside their heads. They need to be herded like animals into chutes and lanes. Meanwhile those of us sitting at greater than 101 are trapped by their hustle and bustle in abject despair at the state of humanity around us. Imagine a world where all the loud speakers and shouting can be over, and dumb questions need not be asked, for the people around you are intelligent beings that can read the colorful sign and understand the information.

Would you rate a restaurant 5 stars after they took your, order without eating the food or even receiving a drink? Would you recommend a mechanic after seeing the sign? The world of internet media these days is much like the slog of news before it. Everything has to happen NOW! No time to wait, those mouth breathers need their content! So let's review a single episode of a series, and give it a stunning thumbs up despite the pile of diarrhea it's wading out of. It is completely mind boggling.

All of that plus song lyrics, and a death bed curse.

El Chaco is calling in once again, and it's time to discuss the ongoing war! That's right the War between original Mountain Dew and Mountain Dew Code Red. So pick your colors and get ready to join the frontlines of

Cultural Vandalism
Mandatory Workplace Harassment Training

We've seen now year after year the slow destruction of our culture. From the homogenization of design, the erasure of certain hair colors in media, and the constant need for reboots and remakes that fly in the face of the original. To the before times, of revisionist architecture and history, manipulated narratives about certain political parties just deciding to be the other party. Our culture has become so embattled that you dare not have your favorite property adapted into a new medium because what comes out the other side is going to closer resemble Seth Brundle before Geena Davis ends his misery.

Workplaces are supposed to be a place of, you guessed it, work. Long ago it was a semi social place, where perhaps you went out for dinner or drinks after work. Maybe you met a person you wanted to get to know better. However in the current state of the world of teaching certain groups they should literally have it all, while other groups need to be supportive, but not too supportive, but also don't retreat because all of those things are bad. Enter HR a bastion of derailing productive people since the first group of worthless individuals got together and said, what if we just made a department for workplace gossip. So here we are sitting in hours long trainings where you learn nothing, but at least they get to deflect any liability when you get reported for complimenting the pretty girl in the next cubicle for literally ANYTHING! (Also not complimenting her.)

All that plus a steal of a deal on prostitutes, fish news, and Andy reads an announcement from yesteryear.

Buck is back in action he's riling up ghosts, ghouls, and demons and he's opening a can of Mountain Dew Code Red on...

Mandatory Overblown Cutesy BS Work Meetings
Entitlement

These days everything is Mandatory, they add that tag onto things as if the everything else at your job is optional. Hey did you do your Mandatory Clocking in on time? What about your Mandatory doing your job? Hey have you had your Mandatory break? No, WE DON'T CARE! What we do care about it pretending your opinion matters to the people thousands of miles away that have no idea what your division actually does. So we're going to waste a ton of productivity to do nothing, it's a good thing we slapped the word Mandatory on this, because if we caught you standing around doing nothing on the clock discussing why your workplace sucks, you'd be fired.

Speaking of getting fired, you are not entitled to a job. There is no basic human right for employment. You're not entitled to the services of others, if I don't want to bake you a cake I don't have to. You're not entitled to my protection. Most importantly though, you're not entitled to my knowledge. Just because I have the answer to a question doesn't mean I have to give it to you, and the more you use and abuse me the less likely you are to receive my favor. It's a lovely notion that we're all in this together and the rising tide rises all ships, but when one group uses your togetherness to claim personal excellence, and when the tide rises they guzzle it down leaving everyone else high and dry. You're not getting a drop from me anymore.

All that plus, new science, wrong numbers, and a new place leak classified secrets.

Tony is back again this week. He's got a big disney hate boner going and we're talking about.

- Geriatric Action Stars
- Algorithmic Content

These days it seems there's hardly anyone in that 30-80 bracket that is breaking in to new action star roles. No instead we just keep trotting out old men in front of the audience so boomers can feel like their heroes from adulthood are just like them, unwilling to retire and allow younger more competent people to take their places. Indiana Jones saved the world from Nazis until he was 80, why should I retire from my cushy office job where I've lost touch with what the company actually does?

Decades ago media was controlled by a cabal of out of touch Forgotten Generation hacks who only liked what they liked and were unwilling to try something new. Non-existent Nielsen houses where the knob broke off the TV 5 years earlier were the metric used to cancel or promote a TV show. Then the internet came along, and suddenly anyone could make content, and it could reach people who liked that kind of content. A new tube was born, a tube for sending you things you already like. A youtube. The cabal was upset. Rather than taking the L, they weaseled into the corporate structures of the internet, but they wouldn't live forever. No they needed to somehow ruin media for generations to come, and so they created an algorithm. And rather than fight back youtubers just started making content for the algorithm. So now we have millions of videos where people talk on a set about nothing for an hour, and dumber people shovel it into their faces.

All that plus, Seinfeld's Law, a staged reading, and much more!

Tim is back from the hell of the lone star state and we're talking about,

Loyalty Programs
Fanbaiting

Are you earning points in the app today? What about your loyalty card? Do you want to share your email for coupons and exclusive deals? All of this nonsense to save a buck, to pretend that your miserable experience is somehow heightened from the misery it actually entails. But hey if you earn enough points, maybe next time it will be free.

In this world of cultural deforestation we currently live in it's not enough for talentless hacks like Mindy Kaling to remake beloved franchises. No the original must also be destroyed. They pretend to honor it, they trot out James Cameron to be "involved" with the new Terminator, or they get Bill Murray to sleep walk through a cameo in the latest Ghostbusters. All to get you the fan to get excited and talk about it.

All that plus more knock off voicemailers, Tim reads the news, and Tab inspires the next generation.

Tab is at the end of his rope this week, so he called in the old guard to cover the episode. Buck and Chaco are back in form for a rip roaring episode that absolutely won’t get us banned from the internet, and they’re talking about

- Brainwave F*ckery
- Mistaken Unprofessionalism

The age of AI has begun and rather than train it to be better, they’re simply training us to be dumber. Now everything around us it seems is programmed to make us conform to the new “standards” from subtly changing our language to triggering mass panic buys of Toilet Paper and now eggs. The signs are every where to make you want to be like the crowd, and while I don’t believe in it, I do believe that the people doing it believe in the devil and are doing it to serve that master.

Often in the workplace a certain group, we’ll call them women, make way more out of something than is necessary. Rather than consider the logical thought of, “I must have typed in the wrong number.” It’s far easier to trash a stranger for their outgoing voice message. Are you dumb, stupid, or dumb? Huh? It’s this same group that when I tell them a person, or a piece of equipment has no business in theatre, they claim a lack of professionalism. If I lacked professionalism I’d call it every curse word I know, and then tell it to go purchase Canadian Healthcare.

All of that plus a new Amnesty, the death of humpday, and a modern retelling of a classic tale.

Tim is squeezing us in before he heads to hell itself in San Antonio, so he's ringing us out with what might be his final issue.

Blank Space
Therapy Advocates

Design is like pretty much all artistic works these days, it's design by committee, zero risk, control the flow of info, and lesser than the works that came before. So now we get big blocks of color, or white, for no reason other than to fill space that they can't fill with info. If you get too much info you might start asking questions and if you ask too many questions the Clintons may have something to say to you.

In the American Documentary Series "Star Trek: The Next Generation" they show us a world where a therapist is on the bridge of a major space naval vessel. Namely, they don't blow up enough stuff. The follow up series "Star Trek: Voyager" there is no therapist on the bridge, nay in the ship at all. And on that show they murdered Tuvix like badasses. If only they had the guts to do it to Neelix as well. Oh well.

All that plus the worst McDonald's in the world, voicemail beef continues, and children that can't just shut up while they are at work.

Welcome back fans to this extra beefy episode of HWIDG. El Chaco is on the loose and we're talking about some minor annoyances,

Conspiracy Haters
Water Conservationists

A lot of conspiracy theories are bunk, some seem unrealistic but then get proven later, others are obvious truths that we're misled to believe are false. In any case why is it that people hate those who espouse conspiracy theories? If you friend doesn't believe that the moon landing is real, why do you care? Just let them be stupid, if you have a problem with them don't hang out with them anymore. The Truth doesn't need to be defended through censorship, it's like a weed eventually it will find the sunlight through the piles of manure.

And speaking of conspiracies, here's a major one. You a regular human being living in a district serviced by a municipal water authority need to do less laundry, you need to not flush your toilet, you shouldn't have a garden, you need to turn off the water when you wash brush your teeth, and use hand sanitizer instead of washing your hands all the time. There's a drought in Ghana, or some other far away land that man was not meant to live in. The reality is they just want you dead if you won't live in the pod or eat the bugs.

All of that plus someone really saving water by being a stinky cave troll, fooling the Vatican, and your voicemails.

Tab didn't plan well so we threw this episode together last minute. The joke is on us because Streamyard decided it didn't need to record Tab or the Sound Board for the second half of the episode. So instead we've got the processed straight youtube feed to deal with while we complain about...

Unresolved Glitches
Above and Beyond as the Expectation

Fallout 4 was released in 2015, the last update for the game was released in 2016. I guess everything was totally fixed by that point and it's not a glitch infested nightmare. Oh wait it is. How is it that these giant studios keep getting away with this kind of shoddy craftsmanship? If Fallout 4 was a car, on launch day it would have had square tires, a go kart engine, and none of the doors would open properly. A year later you finally have round wheels, and an engine that can drive the car along, but the doors still don't open sometimes. The factory just doesn't care. I hate them and I hope they collapse.

When you go to a massage parlor and they give you an over the pants handy, that deserves a tip. When you go to Patty the Daytime Hooker for an over the pants handy that's literally what you've paid for. Now for this issue I get hyper specific to my circumstances, but we see this all the time. Businesses expect employees to go that extra mile all the time. If you're doing it all the time, it's not an extra mile, it's the expectation. And if you expect it to happen that bases the decisions you make. Sure we can order this amazon package and expect it in less than 2 days, they always go the extra mile. Sure we can rely on Batman and Robin to help stop crime, we still need the regular cops. Then one day it's just Batman and he's running a fascist dictatorship with flying robot Batmans, or Mutant Gangbanger Batmans. Is that what you want?

All that plus someone loses something precious to him, someone gains something precious in a car, and what colorful plastic building block has caused an episode for one of our listeners?

Tim is back on the show and we're talking about new year new me, and our resolutions this year are going to blow your mind, things like,

Observed Holidays
Tulsa King

Just because a holiday falls on your normal day off, does that really mean you need to get an extra day? Commerce needs to commence, people have shit to do, and more importantly they need to get away from these damn kids or someone is going to lose a toe! No, you got your day of rest, now get back to work you lazy good for nothing, who do you think you are? Royalty of the Southwest? I don't think so.

Speaking of Southwestern Royalty, Sly Stallone has an all new series where he plays a big thumb man mumbling thumb man sayings. I'm 100% convinced paramount made this show to spite me personally, it's too on the nose, and it's just a mediocre TV show. Everyone in Tulsa gives it a pass because, "It's cool to see a show set here." You're not the hero! The hero is an out of towner doing out of town things! Infuriating.

All that plus a take down of the Mr. Ed Segment, Tim brings the news, and one of our hosts finally hits puberty.