Can you focus on the true words that I'm saying, or will you be distracted and mezmorized? That is for you to decide. We spend days of our life under distraction. Because of this, we miss out on the true meaning of life. We only live once. Once it's over, it's over.

I stress the importance that we only have one life and it is vital that we make the most out of it. Once it's over, it's over.

*WATCH THE YOUTUBE VIDEO HERE!* https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=SzZoFyuAV4I

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Music is by Drake Stafford Split Eve

Okay, this is a very short track but the track has so much meaning and depth. Rather it's she or he, if that person deosn't give you what you need to help you become a better you, that is not the person you need. At the very end of the track, I stated, "She doesn't need me." Which can go both ways for each party. She is not obligated to give me any of what I need, she doesn't need me. I do not need her because she doesn't fulfill what I need... she doesn't fulfill what is important to me. She doesn't support me. I don't need her.

Stating "I don't need her" would have been easier right? But I wanted to say she doesn't need me to correlate with both ends of the spectrum. We can express how we feel, however, I felt it was necessary to also recognize the other.

This is a series revealing my vulnerability. I am glad that I finally got the first episode out. There will be weekly episodes of the story. So I hope you enjoy. I'm super proud of it.

Music- Kai Engel Denouement, Harbor

This isn't to be mean. This is a way to let go all things that hurt me. It is an expression to leave all that behind me, as I move forward to a much better path,

Music Sergey Cheremisinov She-Wolf In MyHeart bonus.mp3

Sergey Cheremisinov Fog

There are times when I don't feel understood and acknowledged. I feel disconnected, hurt, alone, frustrated, and angry. Lack of appreciation and acknowledgment can drive people insane. When we are missing that key element, we began to question and doubt our self-worth in this world. We begin to ask ourselves, "Do I really matter?"

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Music- Melancholic Piano, Harp and Strings by Akashic Records-Sad Cinematic Piano

We put our love and focus on all the wrong things and forget about ourselves. It's pretty dark but it speaks some truth.

Music Kai Engel Oecumene Sleeps

This track was to a friend, but anyone can relate to words of encouragement. This piece is helpful to anyone who is going through something. It's even helpful for myself.

Music- Take a Look by Kai Engel

Ok, so the purpose of this is to show all the motions that I go through when I intake green, as known as weed, kush, ganj, whatever you wanna call it.

Typically, I try not to smoke as much for a number of reasons. Reason number one, I don’t wanna see the truth or I don’t wanna see a false truth that is exposed as a lie. My perception of “truth comes to life” and that can be extremely dangerous because what I tell my mind makes a huge impact on anything I do. Another reason why I don’t smoke green is because what ever that I’m feeling in the moment enhances. So if I am sad about something and turn around and smoke weed, that feeling is enhanced and I feel ten times worse than I had been without smoking it.

My fears are brought to life. Fear of death. Why am I always so afraid of death? It is because I tend to shift my focus on what I don’t have. Success being the number one thing I think about. Or not knowing who I am. I am in fear of dying without even knowing myself or reaching the fullest potential of success.

I’ve always been jealous of people who can be extremely productive when they’re on green. Me, my motivation decreases and I sulk in laziness and disappointment. Green for does more danger for me than good.

However, I reap only one benefit from it. What am I not doing right at this very moment that doesn’t reap any benefit? Whatever that is, what can I do to achieve results? Though weed puts me in a very dark place, it wakes me up.

Music by Kai Engle Crying Earth

Sometimes it's best to stay secluded from people. Solitude gives you more than enough time to find out about yourself. It gives you time to heal from all the negative energy.