Hi Pod! I'm Dad.

When my son Lucas was first diagnosed with autism, I thought my biggest fear was that he would never talk. Fifteen years later, he still hasn't spoken a word. But the fear that kept me awake at night was something much deeper.

In this episode of Hi Pod, I'm Dad, I talk about the years when I wondered whether my son would ever know who I was, let alone build a relationship with me. I share how we learned to communicate through pictures, PECS, gestures, and other tools, and why understanding what Lucas wanted mattered far more than hearing him say the words.

More importantly, I explain the one promise I made to myself: never dismiss him. Even when I couldn't understand what he wanted, I kept trying. Over time, those little moments of patience became something neither of us could have imagined in those early years.

Today, Lucas is 15, has profound autism, and is one of my best friends. Our relationship isn't built on words. It's built on years of trust, patience, and showing up for each other.

Sometimes your biggest fear comes true, and you discover it wasn't what you needed to fear at all.

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When I tell someone my 15-year-old son Lucas is nonverbal and has autism, I don't expect to hear, “I’m sorry.” But recently, I did.

It reminded me of an editor years ago who called a story about raising Lucas “scary.” The truth is, when Lucas was little, I understood the fear. I worried about his future, focused on milestones he wasn't reaching, and wondered what his life would look like.

But Lucas is 15 now. He has profound autism and needs significant support, but he's also sweet, loving, hardworking, and one of my favorite people in the world. There’s nothing to be sorry about.

This week, I talk about autism, pity, the milestones that once seemed so important, and why if you feel sorry for me because you don't know my son, I might just feel sorry for you.

It's Here! Get the book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation” on audio, digital, or print.

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Lucas has been nonverbal his entire life. When he was little, I spent years worrying about whether he would ever talk before realizing I was focused on the wrong thing. He didn't need to speak. He needed a way to communicate.

Now, at 15, we're facing a different challenge.

The jumping, screaming, hugging, and excitement that were easy for the world to accept when he was little can look very different coming from a teenager who's nearly my size. I know what his sounds and movements mean. A stranger doesn't.

This week on Hi Pod, I'm Dad, I talk about learning to recognize when Lucas is getting overwhelmed, the ways I help him calm himself, and why I refuse to teach the joy out of him just because he's getting bigger.

I don't want him to stop jumping. I don't want him to stop screaming. I don't want him to stop running in for hugs.

I just want to turn down the volume without turning off the joy.

It's Here! Get the book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation” on audio, digital, or print.

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Also, be sure to read the blog that started it all - Hi Blog! I'm Dad.

After a week filled with work drama, dating nonsense, and people using a whole lot of words to avoid saying anything at all, I got my son Lucas back.

And it reminded me of something I absolutely love about him.

Lucas is nonverbal, but he may be the most emotionally honest person I've ever known. If he's happy, you know it. If he doesn't want to deal with me, he'll look me directly in the eyes and close his bedroom door in my face. There's no spin. No word salad. No pretending to feel something he doesn't.

And I've realized that I want to live more like him.

In this episode of Hi Pod, I'm Dad, I talk about what raising Lucas has taught me about honesty, accountability, relationships, and the value of actually meaning the words we use. I also share the question I once asked someone that completely twisted the way I think about lying: 

"Do you think I'm afraid of you?"

Lucas may not use words, but he's taught me an awful lot about how I want to use mine. 

It's Here! Get the book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation” on audio, digital, or print.

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Also, be sure to read the blog that started it all - Hi Blog! I'm Dad.

We all say our kids come first. But sometimes life gives you a moment when you find out just how automatic that really is.

This week, I talk about telling my daughter Olivia that we'd find a way to make college work no matter what it cost, even as a voice in my own head wondered exactly how I planned to pull that off. Then there's Lucas, my 15-year-old nonverbal son with autism, who needs me in a very different way.

When a substitute matron on Lucas's school bus grabbed his arm during a difficult transition, I reacted before I even had time to think about it. For years, I'd wondered how I would respond if someone crossed a line with my son. In that moment, I found out.

But this isn't an episode about fighting the world. In fact, raising Lucas has taught me almost the opposite. I once expected judgment, confrontation and strangers who wouldn't understand him. Instead, I've encountered an incredible amount of kindness, including one stranger at a swimming pool whose words during one of Lucas's meltdowns have stayed with me for years.

Our kids come first. It's easy to put on a meme or a T-shirt. Living it is something different, and for most of the parents I've met along this journey, it isn't something we even have to think twice about.

It's Here! Get the book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation” on audio, digital, or print.

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Also, be sure to read the blog that started it all - Hi Blog! I'm Dad.

My son Lucas will always be my baby. Unfortunately, someone forgot to tell his facial hair.

This week, I’m talking about watching both of my kids grow up, from my 18-year-old daughter heading off to college to the startling realization that my 15-year-old nonverbal son now has Fred Flintstone stubble, incredibly hairy legs and a very teenage desire for his dad to get out of his room.

I also get into why I’ve never liked assigning a “mental age” to Lucas, what his interests and communication actually look like, and why needing help with certain life skills doesn’t make him a little kid trapped inside a teenager’s body.

Plus, Lucas turns on the charm for his pretty young care manager, I explain what autism appreciation means to me, and I start thinking about the much bigger question our family is approaching: What does growing up look like for Lucas?

Because whether my brain is ready for it or not, my baby is growing up.

It's Here! Get the book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation” on audio, digital, or print.

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Also, be sure to read the blog that started it all - Hi Blog! I'm Dad.

Lucas looked me right in the eye and slammed his bedroom gate in my face like a stereotypical teenager. I couldn't stop laughing.

It also perfectly demonstrated why I've never assigned a "mental age" to my nonverbal 15-year-old son.

This week on Hi Pod! I'm Dad, I talk about that wonderfully teenage moment and why trying to reduce Lucas to a developmental age has never made sense to me. The same kid who shuts his gate in Dad's face still loves toys and shows he's enjoyed since he was little. Both things can be true.

I also talk about taking Lucas to a sensory-friendly showing of Paw Patrol after nearly a decade away from movie theaters, why I no longer worry about whether the things he enjoys are "age appropriate," and an old thrift-store experience that showed me just how much other people's perceptions used to bother me.

Somewhere along the way, that pressure disappeared. In fact, while recording this episode, I realized I couldn't even remember how that thrift-store encounter ended.

Maybe that's the point.

Lucas likes what Lucas likes. We try things, leave if they don't work, stay when they do, and spend a lot less time worrying about how any of it looks to everybody else.

In this episode:

• Why I don't assign Lucas a "mental age"
• The gate slam that was pure teenager
• Why both of my kids will always be "baby" versions of themselves in my head
• Our first successful movie-theater trip in about a decade
• Why sensory-friendly screenings worked for Lucas
• Taking a 15-year-old to Paw Patrol without worrying about "age appropriate"
• The thrift-store memory I unexpectedly realized I'd forgotten
• What Lucas taught me about doing what makes you happy

It's Here! Get the book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation” on audio, digital, or print.

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Also, be sure to read the blog that started it all - Hi Blog! I'm Dad.

I dropped my daughter off at college this week.

Then I drove home without her.

I knew this day was coming. I knew Olivia was ready. In fact, that's what I spent 18 years trying to accomplish. I wanted to raise a strong, capable person who could go out into the world without needing me to hold her hand.

Turns out, succeeding at that can hurt like hell.

On the drive to college, Olivia told me something about the way I raised her that I've waited years to hear. It made me think about the parent I've tried to be, the adults I grew up around, and why I decided a long time ago that I'd rather raise kids who respected me than make every decision based on whether they liked me.

And then there's Lucas.

My nonverbal son still needs me in ways his sister no longer does. He needs me to understand him, advocate for him, teach him, and sometimes simply tell him it's time to put down the iPad and go to sleep. Yet, the same philosophy I've used with Olivia has guided how I've raised him: assume he's capable, talk to him like he understands, and never stop giving him opportunities to show me what he knows.

This week, something changed. Olivia left. Lucas is growing. And I came home realizing that one part of my life had ended.

Now we begin the after.

It's Here! Get the book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation” on audio, digital, or print.

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Also, be sure to read the blog that started it all - Hi Blog! I'm Dad.

Does my son care that I took him back to the town where I grew up? Maybe not. But that's not really the point.

This week, I talk about taking my 15-year-old nonverbal son, Lucas, back to Lindenhurst and sharing places with him that meant something to me growing up, even if I'm not sure how much those places mean to him.

I also look back at all the outings we've tried over the years. Bowling alleys, petting zoos, sensory play spaces, the pool, and plenty of places he wanted absolutely nothing to do with. Some were disasters. Some eventually became things he loved.

That's part of why I keep trying.

Raising a son with autism has taught me that I can't judge an experience by the reaction I get from him. I don't need a thank you, a huge smile, or proof that every outing "worked." Sometimes I'm sharing something I love with someone I love. Other times I'm giving him a chance to discover something he might eventually love too.

And sometimes showing up and trying again is the whole point.

It's Here! Get the book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation” on audio, digital, or print.

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Also, be sure to read the blog that started it all - Hi Blog! I'm Dad.

Years ago, I had a dream that my non-verbal son was speaking. Someone in the dream told me, "He's been talking this whole time." I never forgot it.

This week, I had another dream about Lucas. Except this time, he wasn't speaking. He was 15, getting himself dressed, walking through a hotel on his own and trying to use a room key. When I woke up, I understood almost immediately what had changed.

I'm not worried about Lucas speaking anymore. He communicates. I understand him. What I worry about now is whether he'll have the life skills and independence he needs when I'm no longer here to help him.

In this episode, I talk about both dreams, why communication devices and gestures became so important for Lucas, an uncomfortable conversation with someone who believed every non-verbal child could speak, and what it actually looks like to teach independence when doing everything myself would be so much easier.

Most of all, I talk about how the things we worry about as parents change as our kids grow. I still want Lucas to be able to do everything in the world. But I've also learned that wanting everything for him and needing him to become someone different are two very different things.

It's Here! Get the book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation” on audio, digital, or print.

Follow Us On TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.

Also, be sure to read the blog that started it all - Hi Blog! I'm Dad.