We all say our kids come first. But sometimes life gives you a moment when you find out just how automatic that really is.

This week, I talk about telling my daughter Olivia that we'd find a way to make college work no matter what it cost, even as a voice in my own head wondered exactly how I planned to pull that off. Then there's Lucas, my 15-year-old nonverbal son with autism, who needs me in a very different way.

When a substitute matron on Lucas's school bus grabbed his arm during a difficult transition, I reacted before I even had time to think about it. For years, I'd wondered how I would respond if someone crossed a line with my son. In that moment, I found out.

But this isn't an episode about fighting the world. In fact, raising Lucas has taught me almost the opposite. I once expected judgment, confrontation and strangers who wouldn't understand him. Instead, I've encountered an incredible amount of kindness, including one stranger at a swimming pool whose words during one of Lucas's meltdowns have stayed with me for years.

Our kids come first. It's easy to put on a meme or a T-shirt. Living it is something different, and for most of the parents I've met along this journey, it isn't something we even have to think twice about.

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My son Lucas will always be my baby. Unfortunately, someone forgot to tell his facial hair.

This week, I’m talking about watching both of my kids grow up, from my 18-year-old daughter heading off to college to the startling realization that my 15-year-old nonverbal son now has Fred Flintstone stubble, incredibly hairy legs and a very teenage desire for his dad to get out of his room.

I also get into why I’ve never liked assigning a “mental age” to Lucas, what his interests and communication actually look like, and why needing help with certain life skills doesn’t make him a little kid trapped inside a teenager’s body.

Plus, Lucas turns on the charm for his pretty young care manager, I explain what autism appreciation means to me, and I start thinking about the much bigger question our family is approaching: What does growing up look like for Lucas?

Because whether my brain is ready for it or not, my baby is growing up.

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Lucas looked me right in the eye and slammed his bedroom gate in my face like a stereotypical teenager. I couldn't stop laughing.

It also perfectly demonstrated why I've never assigned a "mental age" to my nonverbal 15-year-old son.

This week on Hi Pod! I'm Dad, I talk about that wonderfully teenage moment and why trying to reduce Lucas to a developmental age has never made sense to me. The same kid who shuts his gate in Dad's face still loves toys and shows he's enjoyed since he was little. Both things can be true.

I also talk about taking Lucas to a sensory-friendly showing of Paw Patrol after nearly a decade away from movie theaters, why I no longer worry about whether the things he enjoys are "age appropriate," and an old thrift-store experience that showed me just how much other people's perceptions used to bother me.

Somewhere along the way, that pressure disappeared. In fact, while recording this episode, I realized I couldn't even remember how that thrift-store encounter ended.

Maybe that's the point.

Lucas likes what Lucas likes. We try things, leave if they don't work, stay when they do, and spend a lot less time worrying about how any of it looks to everybody else.

In this episode:

• Why I don't assign Lucas a "mental age"
• The gate slam that was pure teenager
• Why both of my kids will always be "baby" versions of themselves in my head
• Our first successful movie-theater trip in about a decade
• Why sensory-friendly screenings worked for Lucas
• Taking a 15-year-old to Paw Patrol without worrying about "age appropriate"
• The thrift-store memory I unexpectedly realized I'd forgotten
• What Lucas taught me about doing what makes you happy

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I dropped my daughter off at college this week.

Then I drove home without her.

I knew this day was coming. I knew Olivia was ready. In fact, that's what I spent 18 years trying to accomplish. I wanted to raise a strong, capable person who could go out into the world without needing me to hold her hand.

Turns out, succeeding at that can hurt like hell.

On the drive to college, Olivia told me something about the way I raised her that I've waited years to hear. It made me think about the parent I've tried to be, the adults I grew up around, and why I decided a long time ago that I'd rather raise kids who respected me than make every decision based on whether they liked me.

And then there's Lucas.

My nonverbal son still needs me in ways his sister no longer does. He needs me to understand him, advocate for him, teach him, and sometimes simply tell him it's time to put down the iPad and go to sleep. Yet, the same philosophy I've used with Olivia has guided how I've raised him: assume he's capable, talk to him like he understands, and never stop giving him opportunities to show me what he knows.

This week, something changed. Olivia left. Lucas is growing. And I came home realizing that one part of my life had ended.

Now we begin the after.

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Does my son care that I took him back to the town where I grew up? Maybe not. But that's not really the point.

This week, I talk about taking my 15-year-old nonverbal son, Lucas, back to Lindenhurst and sharing places with him that meant something to me growing up, even if I'm not sure how much those places mean to him.

I also look back at all the outings we've tried over the years. Bowling alleys, petting zoos, sensory play spaces, the pool, and plenty of places he wanted absolutely nothing to do with. Some were disasters. Some eventually became things he loved.

That's part of why I keep trying.

Raising a son with autism has taught me that I can't judge an experience by the reaction I get from him. I don't need a thank you, a huge smile, or proof that every outing "worked." Sometimes I'm sharing something I love with someone I love. Other times I'm giving him a chance to discover something he might eventually love too.

And sometimes showing up and trying again is the whole point.

It's Here! Get the book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation” on audio, digital, or print.

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Years ago, I had a dream that my non-verbal son was speaking. Someone in the dream told me, "He's been talking this whole time." I never forgot it.

This week, I had another dream about Lucas. Except this time, he wasn't speaking. He was 15, getting himself dressed, walking through a hotel on his own and trying to use a room key. When I woke up, I understood almost immediately what had changed.

I'm not worried about Lucas speaking anymore. He communicates. I understand him. What I worry about now is whether he'll have the life skills and independence he needs when I'm no longer here to help him.

In this episode, I talk about both dreams, why communication devices and gestures became so important for Lucas, an uncomfortable conversation with someone who believed every non-verbal child could speak, and what it actually looks like to teach independence when doing everything myself would be so much easier.

Most of all, I talk about how the things we worry about as parents change as our kids grow. I still want Lucas to be able to do everything in the world. But I've also learned that wanting everything for him and needing him to become someone different are two very different things.

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People often assume the hardest part of raising a nonverbal child with autism comes during the teenage years, when your child is bigger, stronger, and harder to physically manage. After raising my 15-year-old son Lucas, I can honestly say the years that scared me most came much earlier.

This week, I talk about why the uncertainty of ages 5, 6, and 7 weighed on me far more than life with a nonverbal teenager today. I share a recent moment that reminded me just how much Lucas has grown, why fear of the future can be more difficult than the reality itself, and how years of patience, consistency, and small lessons have shaped the young man he is today.

I also discuss teaching emotional regulation, setting healthy iPad boundaries without constant battles, respecting a nonverbal teenager's privacy and dignity, and why peace of mind often comes from finally knowing your child instead of fearing who they might become.

If you're parenting a nonverbal autistic child and wondering what the future holds, I hope this episode offers a little reassurance. It may not get easier physically, but it can get much easier emotionally.

It's Here! Get the book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation” on audio, digital, or print.

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What happens when your child never asks for anything?

This week I'm talking about a new mattress. Not because mattresses are exciting, but because buying one for my non-verbal son, Lucas, reminded me of something I've been thinking about for years. He never asked for it. He wasn't complaining about the old one. He probably would have slept just as happily on two pillows and a blanket on the floor.

That realization led to a much bigger conversation about parenting a child with profound autism. When your child doesn't ask, doesn't complain, and seems content with almost anything, it can become surprisingly easy to mistake silence for not needing more. I talk about why I never want to fall into that trap, how the same philosophy applies to taking Lucas to the circus, Sesame Street Live, and even the beach, and why I believe our kids deserve experiences they never would have thought to request.

In this episode:

•  Why I finally replaced Lucas's six-year-old mattress 
•  The danger of confusing silence with contentment 
•  How "Why bother?" can become the most damaging question a parent hears 
•  Sesame Street Live, the circus, and why trying still matters 
•  Why I'm hoping to take Lucas back to the beach 
•  The parenting philosophy behind doing more for children who ask for less

It's Here! Get the book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation” on audio, digital, or print.

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With my birthday arriving in the middle of July, I’m taking a rare step back to look at how much my life has changed.

I talk about leaving behind a career writing about professional wrestling, finding my real voice through stories about Lucas and Olivia, starting over after heart surgery and divorce, and learning to stop taking responsibility for everyone else’s behavior.

Most of all, I share how Lucas has taught me to be myself without apologizing, trust my instincts, and keep betting on the life I’m building.

It’s an old-school, personal episode about boundaries, growth, unexpected dreams, and realizing that the best birthday gift I could give myself was knowing I can handle whatever comes next. 

It's Here! Get the book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation” on audio, digital, or print.

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This week, I'm talking about something that's been on my mind for a long time.

People often debate labels like "high functioning," "low functioning," and "profound autism," but I think they're missing the bigger point. My son Lucas doesn't measure his life by jobs, marriage, or fitting into society's expectations. So why do so many other people?

In this episode, I explain why comments about "eradicating autism" struck such a nerve, why I was disappointed by much of the reaction that followed, and why I believe a person's value has nothing to do with how much they contribute to everyone else. Most of all, I share what Lucas has taught me about authenticity, freedom, and appreciating people for who they are instead of what they can do.

It's Here! Get the book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation” on audio, digital, or print.

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Also, be sure to read the blog that started it all - Hi Blog! I'm Dad.