Hidden Addict

It has been brought to my attention that some people are assuming that I am promoting that everyone go relapse. Though I understand that this is not my position, I want to make my actual position on here clear and also validate YOUR worth. Everyone is the same when it comes to worth. You are not worth less if you use. You are not worth less if you relapse and you are not worth more if you are clean. When it comes to worth we are all the same. If you take anything from this podcast than that would be the thing to remember. It is also the hardest thing to accept. 

A woman messaged me asking how it was that her son is an addict and addicted to the same drug as I but everybody knows it. He does not sleep, he does not eat. He cannot function on an adult level. She stumbled across my Tik Tok and it is the opposite of everything her brother is. Now I do not pretend to have the answers but I do have a few theories that may help someone with the question of "but how" get some answers. What do you think? 

I have not shared as of yet that I too was her brother. My addiction looked like his. I still will sit and wonder what the difference is. Like I said, I do not have the answer. My guess is as good as the next.

I got a message from a lady asking "how is it that my brother uses substances but you can tell and he does not function. Then I find you and you function just fine. How is this possible? I run over a few theories that may answer this question. However many believe that it is impossible to function on a substance long term. I challenge this thinking by simply being alive. Seriously; but one would still argue with me. So let's talk about it.

This episode is not appropriate for probably anyone with ears BUT at the same time, you can thank me later. Your welcome. No description is needed because like, I just cant. Go listen. Never speak of it again.

dating in your 30's is a livng nightmare if you ask me. I was happily single until one day that changed. I think the universe at this point is playing a sick joke on me. Though I make this a humerous topic, the question of how do you handle dating while hiding your an addict go? Do you not date and stay alone, potentially forever or do you date and tell them and hope for the best. Or do you lie and pretend that you are not shooting up in the bathroom before every date? Not dating seems obvious. Though the answer seems obvious, mayne it is not as obvious as it seems.

Our brains filter through on average 74 GBs a day worth of data. That is the equivalent of watching 16 movies a day. (quanta magazine.org). All of this information is processed into expectations by our brain. It remembers not to eat food straight out of the oven again because last time it burnt our tongue. It is creating for itself a catalog so to speak of information so that it knows what is good for us in the future and bad. The only bad thing about these expectations is that we do not have to experience ourselves an event like the food to draw a conclusion. A lot of times we just take someone's word for it. or what our governments say, friends, and family. It is argued that an original thought has not been 'thought' in many years. All of our tastes in music and culture are formed by these expectations also. When it comes to addiction. The world gives us expectations from our early school years to adulthood of what addiction looks like. The problem with current expectations is that there are none for people like me, the hidden addict. That, in turn, means that "do I not exist?".

Also, I grovel and give epic excuses as to my two weeks absence. Yeah, that happened.