High While Clean presented by Recovery Ecosystem

Substance abuse is a worldwide issue that has hit every country in one way or another.

It is estimated according to a World Drug Report, released in 2020 by the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime,

Sobriety refers to a decision to stay away from alcohol but in the context of the recovery world today is used interchangeably with any substance use.

The reasons why people make this decision varies across the board and as a counselor in the substance abuse field, I am always curious on those reasons because that motivation will literally make them or break them.

Whatever brought you to that decision is perfect in the beginning but as I have said many times that people get sober because of what they do not want but stay sober because of what they do want.

My decision today to stay off of drugs and alcohol have nothing to do with not wanting to go to prison, or not wanting to lose my family, or not wanting to lose my health;

my decision today is because I want to be happy, I want to be secure and stable since all of those don’t wants no longer exist.

I am not facing prison, loss of family or health although I would quickly face that pain again if I did use but today, none of that is real.

Just as I could say that I wish I had this or could have had that. Would have could have should have.

That is me stepping outside of reality. What is real is what I do have. I do not live in regrets but instead in gratitude and appreciation. It also feels much better.

As this podcast has brought about new friends all over the United States and Canada; today we are even going a bit further.

I was thinking earlier about my drug use and how the world was very small during those days.

Orange County California was my entire world but obviously I knew there was more;

I didn’t care because there was no purpose in my life to look any further than Orange County, which is a very small county within the state of California, only about 790 square miles.

I know live In Los Angeles County which is well over 4 times that size at over 4000 square miles. I also border San Bernardino County which is our largest county at over 20,000 square miles.

Now if you wanted to look at population. San Bernardino county is five times larger than Orange county but has less people since so much of it is just huge vastness of sandy desert.

Ok, back to what I was getting at. In these days of being clear headed and actually doing productive things, the world has become a lot larger and we are going to the UK.

Janey Lee Grace is an author, commentator, and is the popular holistic co-host on Steve Wright in the afternoon on BBC Radio 2.

She is the author of five books on Holistic living including the #1 Amazon best seller Imperfectly Natural Woman and currently writes columns for many magazines, and runs training workshops and consultations on Media Breakthrough for holistic businesses.

Everything I see about Janey is a busy woman. She hosts a podcast called alcohol free life, gave a TED talk, sobriety rocks-who knew !

and runs The Sober Club inspiring others to focus on optimum health and wellbeing underpinned by sobriety.

Her newest book is Happy Healthy Sober: Ditch the booze and take control of your life.

that around 269 million people used drugs worldwide in 2018.

It is estimated that around 107 million people worldwide fit the criteria for alcohol use disorder with 14.5 million of those in the United States.

What does it look like in other areas of the world. We are going to find out today and meet a woman across that great Atlantic Ocean.

Her name is Janey Lee Grace.

I love my country and what this country stands for. I truly appreciate what I have today.

In 2002, when my journey into recovery began, I would never have even imagined that what I have today was even possible in having and becoming who I am was even someone I would ever find.

I am at peace with things and I believe it stems from my ability to just roll with the punches today. I appreciate the freedom that I have but freedom doesn’t come free and freedom requires sacrifice.

For those that feel you don’t have all of the freedom you desire all of the time, think about this quote I read from a sergeant in the military: He said to the recruits in boot camp.

“Think of it as you temporarily giving up some of your freedoms so that others can have theirs.”

What are you sacrificing?

John F. Kennedy’s inaugural address inspired people to see the importance of civic action and public service.

He said “Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country,” This challenged every American to contribute in some way to the public good.

Please stay tuned for my guest today, who is a man of sacrifice. His name is Richard Kaufman and I am honored to thank him for his service to us.

During my tumultuous teenage years, I had an epiphany to join the military because I had no goals or vision for my life.

I was traveling from Oregon back to California with some friends and the other group I was with had mechanical failure in their 1960’s Volkswagen bus. I was approached by some naval recruiters and just blew them off.

Once I reached California, I decided that I was going to do it.

My father was a radiomen on a destroyer during the Cuban missile crisis in 1962.

I wanted to join the navy. It didn’t work out the way because at that time they were very picky on who could join

And having been arrested five times by that age, active duty wasn’t possible.

My recruiter told me that once I finished boot camp in great lakes Illinois and my school as I joined the CB’s, construction ballions which was in Port Heueneme CA that I could request active duty, so I did.

He was wrong. My military career was short lived and actually, I could say that I absconded from my monthly duty because I returned to the same life I was living on drugs, running around with the grateful dead, I wouldn’t have passed a drug test.

I was able to slide through with a medical discharge because I had a grand mall seizure in 1994 that I was able to use as the reason I did not make it. but I gained an enormous appreciation for the military.

Our military watches out for us everyday and when something goes wrong, they are ready.

In 2001, and so many of us remember that day of September 11 we were attacked with 2996 people dying between the planes, bystanders, Twin Towers, and the pentagon.

That is 593 more people that died then the last major attack on our land. December 7, 1941. The Japanese attack on pearl harbor.

I question many things which has helped me in many occasions but have also harmed me at times. I think outside the box which has allowed my creativity to offer new possibilities and has opened the door in me helping people at times. I am a sceptic by nature but I have to be careful in judging

The faith of Christianity is not a story that was written of hopes and dreams with the mindset of wanting to live forever. This fear of death that eternity is a place of nothingness because I would have created a different story. I realized after really studied it that it is a story requiring strength, courage, and a much tougher life compared to the atheistic view.

A story of Paul, who in our definition today was a serial killer of Christians that eventually changed his mind and then suffered for many years because of his faith in prisons.

So I guess I am stating that these are people stronger then those that don’t believe in God.

I also came to realize that everybody has doubts at times and as I mentioned on the podcast with Joe Potosi, that faith is just not giving up.

If I look into something whether it be a person, place, situation, or problem with a skeptical mind and only looking for the problems in it and not being open to any strengths. Then my mind is already made up for it to fail. For many years of my life, I worked hard to find everything I could to prove the non-existence of God.

With that mindset and I see this with many atheists who attempt to do this, already have their mind set up since they aren’t even leaving the door cracked for the existence of God.

Today’s episode is going to be a little unique because I am going to begin this by speaking briefly about a topic that I do not discuss in detail. Something that is personal to me, and this is because of my guest today.

Before anybody runs as I mention the word God, open your minds and just listen to the message as one thing we can’t dispute if you believe in it or not.

That The bible is by far the most inspirational book ever written.

I have read the entire bible a couple of times and really studied it, mostly because I had a lot of time on my hands while sitting in-custody.

I even considered at one to become a pastor because what I saw within that book, was my story being told.

And whether you like it or not; many of the principles and tools that guide us in recovery. The first being humility.

Humility is what will save us in this world. Jesus Christ came for the sinners and not the righteous. Humility. It is a story of strength.

Certain things stuck out to me the bible and one was In first CORINTHIANS

It said

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. In then it said When you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

Meth amphetamine, my drug of choice, I gave it a name that is a biblical name even before I believed in the message of that ancient book. The devil.

It was a temptation but at the same time is a temptation common to all humankind, especially today.

That temptation, even though it felt that the power was greater then I could bear, had a way out.

I also can’t dispute that for the first time in my life when I found a way out was when I made a statement and then asked a question with the help of a priest in jail.

God I don’t believe in you but if you are there to help me find you.

I believe that my atheistic view in life stemmed from my lack of interest in believing in a power that was going to condemn me to an eternity of something ugly because of my dependency on drugs which I felt had no way out.

As I read that book, it dawned on me that every character from Adam and eve in the Old Testament with the first sin to Paul in the New Testament had asked the same question we all ask at times.

Where is this loving God that is supposed to care for me?

How am I supposed to live this Godly life and there is no way I am going to walk through those pearly gates with the things I have done or even the thoughts that run through my mind at times.

If anybody is curious on what the Bible says about that, maybe you should read it. Why do bad things happen to good people? There are answers within that text.

I want to thank everybody for deciding to get high with me on High While Clean and my name is Eric McCoy. Debating has been something I have enjoyed over the years and a highly debated topic refers to our minds desire to correlate a cause with a belief that it has created a specific effect.

More commonly said, cause and effect. Cause and effect has a basses in a fallacy to logic because we can’t always prove without a reasonable doubt that one thing completely caused the result of another.

I could easily argue that a plane crashed causing the death of the passengers as easily arguable but what about events happening in a persons life causing them to make poor choices later. These are arguments used in courts to get reduced sentences for convicted murderers by arguing that childhood events led them to make the choices they made in the future.

But I also couldn’t argue that this wasn’t the case because just as it is almost impossible to prove cause and effect, it is just as impossible to disprove it because we would have to be able to take all factors into consideration that we can’t see such as the genetic makeup, possible variables regarding their character, traits, personality, and even mental health. Were mental health issues present before the occurrence.

This has been a tough year for many of us, as I can hardly imagine not knowing someone or knowing of someone who has died as it is estimated at over 600,000 deaths.

It is estimated as over 80,000 deaths of drug overdoses in 2020. Financial hardships for many and for those of us in recovery; discomfort, pain, immense sadness, and in some cases unbearable anger can cause a battle within us that I like to call those whispers of Beelzebub and benefactor, the kindly helper.

My guest today has been on our show before and actually back when I first started this podcast. Joe Potosi, who is the author of when the dust settled, between a rock and a hard place. He had sent me a message with a topic that I think is perfect, especially during these times, and can probably be highly relatable to many.

Cause and effect/ Relapse prevention sits at the core to this idea because we plan for things that will happen, might happen or could happen. Sometimes to plan for the unexpected. When does it become too much, This obviously depends on the person. I am really glad Joe reached out to me because it really sounds like he is hurting and it is highly admirable that he is willing to share this story.

Joe, thank you for coming on today.

Tell us a little about your last year.

My guest today is someone I met a few times a couple of years ago as I was working to get him involved the program I was the director of. But, as the director, and not the owner, I became entangled in a battle between providing great services and money.

When I think about treatment, I get troubled by all of this emphasis put on evidence based practices.

Many programs promote evidence based because it sounds good to those seeking treatment and in most cases, those seeking treatment for someone else.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness defines an evidence-based practice as one that has been researched scientifically or academically.

The exercise has been proven effective and replicated by at least two or more studies. Also, the evidence-based practice must integrate both medically-based research along with individual patient values and the experiences of the clinical provider

Some common mental health and drug abuse treatment methods that are considered EBPs are as follows:

·      Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

·      Exposure Therapy

·      Functional Family Therapy

·      Assertive Community Treatment

·      Dialectical Behavior Therapy

Each of these methods has been proven effective through a range of clinical settings, but one of the most effective and well-known EBPs is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT.

 non-evidence based practices rely on the rapport between the clinician and the patient, and less on the scientific evidence of the practice if there is any.

This type of exercise is highly individualistic. Traditional treatment methods tend to heavily rely on the patient’s individual preferences and the therapist’s personal experiences with the treatment method.

In some cases, clinicians may find their own experiences in the medical field to be more reliable than EBPs.

When it comes to non-evidence based treatment methods, the patient’s thought processes and preferences are the most critical factors to the treatment process.

Since most people coming into treatment are seeking to work on a problem that they don’t think they have and learn from someone they don’t think they will learn from, how is an evidence based approach like CBT, really going to be effective?

It won’t be, unless you can get that person motivated, inspired, and excited about new possibilities.

Creative people, with new ideas are who I believe are setting the stage for the greatest success we see in working with those struggling with substance abuse.

Unless I can get someone interested in what we are doing, evidence based approaches will have no value.

The pleasure part of the brain, also called the nucleus accumbens is being manipulated by the drug that is causing that pleasure or reinforcing chemical. This is the same reinforcing neurotransmitter that is released causing us to desire food or water when we are hungry or thirsty.

The desire for food and water must be stored somewhere in our memory so we can recall what was needed to quench the thirst or satisfy that need for food.

Without the memory, none of this would work. If our body was dehydrated and we had no recollection of how to satisfy this, we would be in trouble. This is where the amygdala comes into play.

This is the part of the brain that stores our emotional memories. All of those memories that we need to recall for survival. As meth was my drug of choice.

Meth became that chemical which altered the functioning of my brain which told that part of the brain of survival that this is what will keep me alive. Glutamate the most abundant excitatory neurotransmitter has engrained that message into my memory.

Just as we crave food when we are hungry, I now am craving that drug as this is what is going to keep me alive.

This memory doesn’t immediately go away when you get clean. You can be off the substance for 6 months with the amygdala reminding you that you are missing something.

A lot of times this happens when you see something that reminds you of it or, in some cases, when you wake up in the morning. The greatest tool that I used was to stay busy.

Something that I have found to be soothing, is cracking a joke at my own expense.

I’ve defused a lot of awkward social interactions by poking fun at my past mishaps (of which there are plenty!).

I’m definitely not alone in this, either: Strange as it may sound, many of us are happiest when we can laugh at our past misfortunes and turn them into amusement.

How easily you can do so will depend in part on your disposition.

Before trying it, first figure out what you think is funny and surround yourself with more of it. When it’s time to laugh at yourself, be prepared for an unpleasant task: You need to list the things you don’t maybe like about yourself — maybe you’re actions in the past.

science has started to see the value in self-mockery, too. Psychology researchers have discovered that self-deprecating humor has an unintended side effect: It happens to improve our health.

A study published in "Psychology and Individual Differences," stated as people who regularly poke fun at themselves exhibit greater levels of emotional well-being.

As my life story is out there, for the most part, let us make fun of me and tell you a story that I don’t normally run out and tell people and it is the story of my transformation into a woman.

During my meth use, well, life was a joke, but as in “Pain, Failure and Misery are the Stepping Stones to success,” I tell the story of my girlfriend at the time who became so paranoid and fell into that meth induced psychosis.

It was at this time where she became a nightmare. There is nothing greater then getting high and being told that I am with the FBI or the DEA and cops were everywhere. The police had surrounded our complex, or so I was told.

One night around 2am, she was peeking out the vents in the ceiling. We were in a two story town home with a loft on the second floor. This loft had air vents where you could see outside and the surrounding complex.

After hearing this for hours, I started to question my reality a little. Shit, maybe cops are out there How do I know? If I said they weren’t, does that make it true. Maybe she is right? After she convinced me of the possibility, I decided to check it out but if they were looking at us; I didn’t want them to see me. My girlfriend couldn’t go out either. What do we do. Its 2am, we should be asleep and if the cops saw us up and roaming at 2. That was a bust.

I sat there and we thought about. Seriously considering the need for someone to go out but not us. We don’t have anybody. It hit me. I came up with the most brilliant idea possible.

I needed a disguise. I figured in my btilliant meth induced thinking that they would never figure out it was me if I became a woman. They would never know that a 6’3” female walked out of the same apartment and as I assumed that cops lacked intelligence I guess. No way they would even consider the possibility. After patting myself on the back for my great plan, I Shaved my face, jumped in the shower, shaved my legs.

This was a master piece at work. After removing my hair, owe and my armpits. This wasn’t the dead show days with woman and hairy armpits.

We had the full set up. Wig, make-up, finger nail polish, dress, and formed these perfect boobs with socks. My girlfriend and I sat down, put on makeup. Just two girls doing makeup.

During thatg time, I became an actor in many roles and I believed that this was going to give me an Oscar. I went all in with my role. I looked in the mirror and thought. I hot and I am ready to hit the town. I tried to put on her heels but they were quite a bit small as I tried to cram my feet in.

So I had to walk barefoot and was worried I would tear my  pantyhose. My goal was to prove her wrong or, if I was wrong to fool them into believing some tall random girl came out of the apartment because. I never figured out that part but it didn’t matter.

I walked downstairs stepped outside and began walking the complex. I walked around probably 25 minutes when I decided that she was wrong once I reached the main road outside this complex.

I turned around and started returning to our place. It wasn’t but a few steps away from that road, a police officer pulls up. He stops,  gets out of the car and I hear, excuse me sir.

I thought sir, I looked left, I looked behind me and thought, well at least he isn’t talking to me.

Excuse me sir. I kept walking. Excuse me, you in a dress. Now I knew he was talking to me since there was no other person in a dress.

I turned and he asked me what I was doing. I had to think on toes for this answer. Obviously responding with, trying to prove someone wrong in that cops are surrounding the complex wasn’t probably the best answer to give. I looked at him as my brain was churning. I couldn’t think of anything so I said whatever came out first.

He obviously knows that I am a man dressed as a woman wandering these streets at, had to be around 4am or so. What do you say? What could possible be a good answer? I looked at him and I said, this is what I do. He then asked what?

Wow. Why these tough questions? These almost seemed more difficuklt to answer then explaining the theory of relativity. You know?

Prostitution? Do I look like a prostitute? He looked, yes you do. You got runs up your pantyhose. I look down and couldn’t believe this happened. I was mad. We can send people to the moon but can’t create panthose that doesn’t do this.

I wasn’t dure what he was saying after this because this really pissed me off. I was so worried when I left the house this was going to happen. It is embarrasing when this hasppens. At some point he was almost in my face as he obviously realized that what he was saying was much less important then my pantyhose and yelled. Are you a prostitute?

So I explained to him that I was in the process of transitioning  and I was getting ready to have surgery and fully transform my manly body into a beautiful woman.

I am scared of surgeries, I hate pain, and couldn’t sleep. I don’t think he blieveed me but he told me that he recommended I return to my condominium.

So I did. I quickly tried to walk with a feminine prance. I don’t know what that meant. I go to the place I was staying and got to the door. It was locked. I didn’t have a phone on me and where would I have put a phone.

I was a sexy woman in a dress. So I quietly knocked. Nobody came. I started knocking louder and finally I heard her coming to the door. The door opened as I felt a relief and then that relief disappeared.

The place we were staying was with a couple and the guy answered the door. He also recognized me which I couldn’t understand.

He said, what the fuck are you doing? Again, another question that was so hard to answer. Why was everybody asking mw these tough questions.

I told him, just checking things out. In a dress, he said. This was the peak of strangeness. Yeah, what is wrong with wearing a dress. It is freeing, not constricting. He rolled his eyes and I went upstairs.

I got up to the loft where I found her and told her that nobody was watching us but I did have a cop of accusing me of being a prostitute but it wasn’t because we were being watched.

I also told her that nobody bought that I was a woman. I was offended he called me sir. I am not a sir. I am not a prostitute.

I am a morally, upstanding woman that would never take payment for sex. What kind of woman does he think I am. She looked at me, shook her head and said can I have my panties back.

That was my life. Weird things become a brew while on meth. I have learned in sobriety, I can do those same things sober.

The pain I experienced in my life that was the greatest motivator was being arrested, my physical health was declining, family refused to support my behaviors, and my friends were either dead or in-custody .

I was the lone soldier on January 3, 2002 when I was taken back into custody.

Micah isn’t doing a life term so will get out of custody but the question that comes in my mind.

Will Paul, my guest being serving a life sentence as a result of Micah’s actions and be imprisoned by fear or a day to day battle of trying to protect his son.

I wrote a chapter called our youth are in trouble and explored the failures of our educational system, question Tarasoff and introduce a crazy idea of teaching our kids how to think for themselves