Our guest is Don Joseph Goewey. Don Joseph Goewey is the director of the Center for Spiritual Exchange, the official archive for the works of Anthony De Mello, regarded as one of the great spiritual minds of the 20th century, influencing the likes of Eckhart Tolle and Thomas Moore. Don Goewey recently edited a new book published by Simon & Schuster entitled Stop Fixing Yourself / Wake Up, All is Well, based on Anthony DeMello’s practical spirituality. He is also the author of the Amazon bestseller, The End of Stress/Four Steps to Rewire Your Brain. He has committed his life to help people understand and quiet stress and anxiety, navigate life’s challenges more creatively and live happier, more fulfilled lives.

In this episode we discuss:

- Who was Anthony DeMello and his impact on some of the major contemplative thinkers of our time?

- The discovery that revolutionized DeMello‘s life

- The reasons why we are unhappy and unfulfilled

- How change happens

- How working with DeMello‘s approach to things impacted his life and helped him with his fear of dread.

- Awareness and psychotherapy and how they work together to help us.

- An awareness process for dealing with stress and our difficult feelings and emotions

- Why it’s OK to try to stop fixing ourselves

- Watch little children. When we watch children we are observing our nature

- How very few people are actually happy

- How the ultimate problem facing us is fear

- The importance of not identifying with our negative feelings and suffering.

- Stop making your happiness depend on the material world.

See more at https://www.hintsofgladness.com/you-re-okay-stop-trying-to-fix-yourself

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This is the time of year where people reflect and project about the kind of upcoming year that they want to have. And as I think about this upcoming year, what keeps surfacing for me is that I'm being drawn to spend more time practicing silence. 

I have to admit that I’m not super excited about practicing silence more. There are a lot more fun things to do! At the same time, I know it will be good for me.

Silence is a practice that will change how I show up in the world. Whenever I have consistently practiced silence in the past it has always brought about more peace in my life. As I practice silence this year I also anticipate being more present, and open to others and reality. 

The practice of silence isn’t limited to the absence of sound. It can also be experienced as emptiness, awareness, nothingness, formlessness, and spaciousness. [1] Also, I sometimes experience silence as stillness, just being, and as a gap or a void.

Practically, I think more silence means less noise from sources like social media, and TV, but primarily it means being aware of the debilitating noise in my head and not engaging it. Practice, practice, practice is the only way to go when it comes to silence.

I frequently engage in obsessive thinking and I know it impacts my overall well-being.  I feel better on days where I practice being aware of my thoughts and my breath or different ways of being centered. When I’m silent it feels like a homecoming which I believe is mysteriously divine. By grace, I am being drawn to silence this year and by grace, I will experience it.

We all need a break from ourselves occasionally and one way to do that is by practicing silence. I’ve seen it over and over again in my life and in the lives of others, that practicing silence in one way or another saves people from themselves. We’re often our own worst enemies when it comes to our obsessive thinking and that only adds to our suffering and the suffering of others.

It’s often said in contemplative circles that “silence is the language of God” (Rumi) and it’s true as far as I can tell. If I want to be infused with divine meaning, purpose, and inspiration I have to do my part by being silent first.

In John O'Donohue’s excellent book “Anam Cara” he encourages us to approach silence and solitude with a measure of positive expectation. The divine connection that takes place in silence is a mystery. Out of silence, if we are open to it, may come our saving grace.

Quotes 

“Silence needs to be understood in a larger way than simply a lack of audible noise. Whenever emptiness—what seems like empty space or absence of sound—becomes its own kind of fullness with its own kind of sweet voice, we have just experienced sacred silence.” — Richard Rohr [1]

“Without some degree of inner and even outer silence, we are never living, never tasting the moment. The opposite of contemplation is not action, it is reaction. We must wait for pure action, which proceeds from deep silence.” — Richard Rohr [2]

The silence of the Creator is thunderous,

Drowning out everything else,

And hiding in endless creativity.

—Thomas Keating, “Out of a Stone”

…silence is not absence, but presence. It is a “something,” not a nothing. It has substantiality, heft, force. You can lean into it, and it leans back. It meets you; it holds you up. — Cynthia Bourgeault [3]

“To be still is to be conscious without thought. You are never essentially, more deeply, yourself than when you are still.” — Eckhart Tolle [4]

Guided Silence Meditation

Before you leave this post and click on something else, I want to invite you to practice silence, a little bit. There are so many ways to do it and I'm going to suggest one of the many ways that work quite well for me.

To prompt you a little bit and to help you get going, try a practice just for a minute or so. 

Sit comfortably. 

Close your eyes. If you'd like. 

Relax, your shoulders. 

Relax, your chest. 

And become aware of your body… (pause)

After you scan your body with awareness gently tell your body to be still… (pause)

Now become aware of your thoughts. You probably already have some thoughts going on. Become aware of your thoughts, just observe them. (pause)

Gently say to your mind, be still. (pause)

If you want to continue doing this, you could set a timer for a few minutes or maybe even 5, 10, 15, or 20 minutes and just go back and forth. Relax. Your shoulders, relax your chest. Become aware of your body. Tell your body to be still. If thoughts start to arise, become aware of your thoughts. Be with them and gently tell your mind to be still. And just keep rotating between relaxation body stillness and mental stillness.  

May you (and I) be willing to be silent this year. 

Take good care,

Rod

Footnotes

[1] Richard Rohr - https://cac.org/sacred-silence-2020-01-09/

[2] Richard Rohr https://cac.org/silence-the-great-teacher-2020-01-07/

[3] Cynthia Bourgeault, Thomas Keating’s The Secret Embrace (2020)

[4] Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth, page 256

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

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Like so many other words the word “beauty” has been hijacked and has lost its meaning.

When I am outdoors and notice something that is so beautiful that it takes my breath away, puts a smile on my face, or even a tear in my eye, that’s beauty. It creates a visceral response.

I studied the word beauty a while ago and came to the conclusion that beauty equals joy. Again, it’s a feeling that is experienced. It’s beyond words and difficult to describe, but we know when we experience it don’t we?

Right now I’m on a walk dictating these thoughts. It snowed last night and the sun is out and it is literally too difficult to describe how beautiful it is, but I can feel it! Take a look at these pictures that I took on my walk…

See what I mean? How do you describe such beauty? I feel like all I can do is stop and be in it and with it. I’m going to do just that… Here’s where I’m at now (Mt. Seymour and Rocky Point Pier)…

Whoever came up with the phrase “a picture is worth 1000 words” must’ve been out walking on a day like today. In other words, things can be so beautiful they are indescribable.

As I’m writing this I’m thinking well,  “So what?” And I’m reminded that it’s been scientifically proven that a little bit of bliss is good for us. It improves our mood and can help us focus later on. My guess also is that beauty can inspire us to live at a higher, more present level even as we create and share the beauty that we experience (as best we can) so that others can be lifted up as well. I share outdoor photos and posts so that others will hopefully take the time to slow down and notice and experience the benefits and connection you get from contemplation.

A Way to Practice Beauty

I came across this Navajo prayer about beauty on the cac.org Daily Meditation. Richard Rohr says, “The Navajo or Diné—the people—see the world through the lens of hozho: all the goodness to be found through harmony, balance, beauty, and blessing. I invite you to read this well-known Navajo prayer aloud…

In beauty I walk

With beauty before me I walk

With beauty behind me I walk

With beauty above me I walk

With beauty around me I walk

It has become beauty again

It has become beauty again

It has become beauty again

It has become beauty again

As Rohr suggests I am going to read this prayer aloud as I walk outside right after I post this with my senses wide open and see what happens. To conclude he says, “When you have ended, bow in gratitude for your body, for the beauty surrounding you, and for the beauty that will continue to follow you everywhere you go.”

I invite you to join me in practicing this prayer outside.

Take good care,

Rod

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Toward the end of chapter 19 of Pema Chodren’s book “When Things Fall Apart” she asks, “couldn’t we just lighten up?”Yes!

I regularly need to be reminded to lighten up. I take myself and the things that arise in my life way too seriously most of the time. On top of that, lightening up helps to act as a bit of a reset button for my overall mental attitude. If I am down and not really conscious of it, doing something to intentionally change the channel, as I like to say, can help.In this chapter, Pema provides four methods for dealing with chaos. They are:- stop struggling,- use poison as medicine (explained below),- and the third one, regard everything that arises as the manifestation of wisdom.- And as I said, she finishes the chapter by encouraging us to relax and lighten up which puts a smile on my face.Each method can help deliver you from chaos. For around a year now, I have been meditatively practicing all four methods in a row when I sense that I am struggling, or my life is getting a little chaotic.First, I gently remind myself that I am “thinking” and I shift my focus to my breath (stop struggling).Second, I breathe in the poison of the given situation which may be feelings of craving or addiction, aggression, or wanting to shut down and just avoid difficulty. As Pema suggests, I breathe out healing and freedom for all who may be dealing with the same poison I’m dealing with.Third, I remind myself that everything that arises is the manifestation of wisdom, that everything is sacred, and that I am awake.And finally, with a bit of a smile, I remind myself to relax and lighten up.I am finding it is a great method to help hit the reset button and to make peace with what is.Based on chapter 19 “When Things Fall Apart” by Pema Chodron.

Take good care,

Rod

For more see Hints of Gladness

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Happiness (like love) is a choice! 

I remember being asked years ago by the facilitator at a personal growth seminar, “would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?” I find that question to be as pertinent today as it was back then because I still want to be right at times, even when it might unconsciously hurt a relationship. 

I find it really sad to see how divided we are on certain issues in North America. The sadness isn’t over different viewpoints; it’s over the alienation, judgment, and violence that is happening as a result of people choosing to be right rather than to accept and really understand others who have a different opinion. 

Mingled in with this divisiveness is incredible anger when certain subjects are talked about and as a result, families are being divided and broken up. People are entrenched in their various viewpoints and concepts to the point where they’re willing to alienate themselves from their family members. Parents aren’t talking to kids, kids aren’t talking to parents, and it’s so sad. I think this anger and division is a sign that something is wrong with the soul of our society. We’re placing our opinions above our relationships with our loved ones often vilifying and demonizing people who don’t agree with us. 

I am reminded of scripture and the approach that Christian monks used to take, and maybe still do. They would regularly read from the Psalms, Ecclesiastes, and something from the New Testament. At first, it kind of stumped me as to why they would read Ecclesiastes, but now I think I get it. It helped them to let go of their attachments by hearing over and over again that nearly everything is “vain,” “futile,” and “meaningless” as it says in the book of Ecclesiastes. Contemplating this would help them get to a place where the only thing that mattered was respect and trust in the God of their understanding. 

Now skip ahead to the Love Chapter (1 Corinthians 13) where Paul mentions a whole bunch of different things like speaking in tongues, prophesying, and giving all of our possessions to the poor, and then says none of these are important compared to one thing: love. 

Before you do anything consider what Love would do!

Something that has been helpful to me in regards to wanting to be right all the time and trying to prove other people wrong, is the realization that my values and beliefs are constantly changing as I grow. I find that if my growth stagnates and I stop surrendering to Love, then right and wrong and the energy that comes from it for some reason becomes more important than unselfishly being of service to others.

Practice 

Do you have any pet doctrines, concepts, or beliefs that you are attached to, to the point where it is damaging your relationships with your loved ones and yourself?

Is everyone welcome at your table?

Do you have friends from other religions, races, sexual orientations, and socio-economic classes?

Now, to be clear, choosing to manage our moods and resist unpleasant feelings isn’t the way to be happy either. There is actually tremendous freedom available when we stop doing that! I always get nervous when I hear people trying to manage their feelings and addictions. On top of that, it’s become a sign to me that I am heading down a path that is only going to make matters worse when I get in management mode.

That said, one way to be happy is through the acceptance and simple awareness of our feelings when they surface and not labeling them good or bad. Feelings just are. Obviously, there is a lot more we can do to be happy, volumes have been written about it, but the first step, and often a freeing step, is to simply accept our thoughts and feelings and not try to control or change them.

Quotes

“For someone who is emotionally attached to the need to be right, all divergent perspectives, ideas, suggestions, and actions must be “wrong.” The need to be right convinces [them] of the correctness of [their] approach, while attachment to this end serves to justify the means used to facilitate it. When this dynamic is acted out, it creates suffering for those caught in its wake…” Dan Mager [1]

“True union . . . doesn’t turn its respective participants into a blob, a drop dissolving into the ocean. Rather, it presses them mightily to become more and more themselves: to discover, trust, and fully inhabit their own depths. As these depths open, so does their capacity to love, to give-and-receive of themselves. . . .” Cynthia Bourgeault [2]

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” Dalai Lama

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” —Lao Tzu

“Trying to control things / is like trying to take the master carpenter’s place. / When you handle the master carpenter’s tools, / chances are that you’ll cut yourself.” Tao Te Ching verse 74

“There is a variety of gifts, but it is always the same Spirit. There are all sorts of service to be done, but always to the same Lord, working in all sorts of different ways in different people. It is the same God working in all of them” (1 Corinthians 12:4-6).

Footnotes

[1] Dan Mager MSW https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/some-assembly-required/201407/would-you-rather-be-right-or-would-you-rather-be-happy

[2] Cynthia Bourgeault https://cac.org/unity-in-differentiation-2018-11-09/

To connect with Rod for prayer, spiritual direction or coaching READ MORE HERE

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Savouring reminds me to slow down and to really enjoy life. I want to even savor the mundane things of life. Doing so enriches every aspect of my life. Savoring is one of those things that is not necessary, but can be so beneficial. It's just a practice. When we savor we are actually practicing being aware, and being aware is so vital to our spiritual lives and to our wellbeing.

Read more here www.hintsofgladness.com/savour

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This week on Hints of Gladness Rod invites you to practice detachment through mindfulness and letting go. This practice will help free you from obsessive thinking and identifying with your small self; at least temporarily!

_ _ _ _ _

“Detachment, detachment, detachment,” - Meister Eckhart (1260–1328).

there is freedom in healthy detachment from our own thinking

I invite you to practice detachment through mindfulness now! 

(go slowly) 

be still 

still mind 

(say to your mind, be still)

still body

(say to your body, be still) 

relax 

relax your shoulders 

relax your chest 

be here now 

(ask, am I here now?)

be aware of the voice in your head

(ask, who’s doing the talking?)

there are many words for it, but

are you listening and responding to

the voice of the false self or

the true self?

notice your breath

(take at least three conscious breaths) 

accept what is

(what is for you right now? 

let go of time 

let go of the past 

let go of worrying about the future

don’t try to stop your thoughts. 

be with and aware of thoughts, feelings, 

and favourite concepts.

don’t attach to any of these.

don’t allow them to run the show.

don’t identify with them… you are not your thoughts, feelings, and concepts.

accept them and let them go

let go of who you THINK you are 

let go of who you THINK others are 

let go of what you THINK will make you happy 

let go of judgment 

let go of resentment 

let go of self-condemnation 

let go of self-hatred 

stop resisting life

(we can be attached to resistance

and not really living) 

let go of resistance 

naturally be 

go with the flow of life as it

presents itself

allow change to happen 

just do 

just be 

become what you believe you 

are called to be

be empty 

empty, empty, empty 

be open

let go of obsession 

draw something just for the sake of it.

write a whole page of wherever comes to mind simply for the sake if writing it.

stop protecting “the small fragile self” (rohr)… love it and let it go 

be the keeper of the “little point of nothingness” (merton) 

don’t feed the beast! (obsessive thinking)

practice the third way (rohr) consider both sides 

seek to understand 

the third way is both/and

the third way is living with paradox 

listen to the still small voice

(i find that the still small voice is often

a voice of reality and freedom) 

really listen 

listen and respond 

5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 - go! (mel robbins) 

don’t try so hard 

don’t try at all 

don’t struggle. it isn’t necessary.

don’t try and manage your addictions… 

surrender 

be open to love 

be open

we willing

in all of this, you are held 

you are always held

Quotes

“At the center of our being is a point of nothingness… This little point of nothingness and of absolute poverty is the pure glory of God in us... I have no program for this seeing. It is only given. But the gate of heaven is every - where.” - Thomas Merton, Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander [1] 

“Detachment, detachment, detachment,” - Meister Eckhart (1260–1328). [2]

“The contemplative stance is the Third Way. We stand in the middle, neither taking the world on from another power position nor denying it for fear of the pain it will bring.“ - Richard Rohr [3]

“Detachment is not that you should own nothing. But that nothing should own you.” - Ali ibn abi Talib [4]

“Detachment doesn’t mean I’m trying less hard. It just means that fears and emotions that used to torment and paralyze me no longer have the same power over me.” - Kelly Cultrone [4]

“He who would be serene and pure needs but one thing, detachment.” - Meister Eckhart [4]

“The root of suffering is attachment.” - Buddha [4]

“Through healthy detachment love is purified - Rohr

“Take a look at the society we live in. It is rotten to the core, infected with attachments. What is an attachment? An attachment is an emotional state of clinging caused by the belief that without some particular thing or some person you cannot be happy.” Anthony De Mello [5]

FOOTNOTES

[1] Thomas Merton, Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander 

[2] See Meister Eckhart, Misit Dominus manum suam (Sermon on Jeremiah 1:9–10) for “When I preach, I am accustomed to speak about detachment.”

[3] Richard Rohr, https://cac.org/letting-go-of-our-very-selves-2020-12-16/

[4] https://www.awakenthegreatnesswithin.com/30-inspirational-quotes-on-detachment/

[5] Anthony De Mello “Stop Fixing Yourself: Wake Up All Is Well” page 14

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit hintsofgladness.substack.com/subscribe

This week on Hints of Gladness Rod invites you to practice detachment through mindfulness and letting go. This practice will help free you from obsessive thinking and identifying with your small self; at least temporarily!

See more at https://www.hintsofgladness.com/blog

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit hintsofgladness.substack.com/subscribe