"There are still many who are scared to come to the clinic. They are stigmatizing themselves. I hope if they see me and I can speak to them, this might give them encouragement." - Nyambe

Zambia

Tonga language and English translation

[English Translation]

"One of my close friends was unwell with an STI (sexually transmitted infection). Our Clinical Officer here in Kapiri advised him to go for VCT (voluntary counseling and testing). I didn't want him to be on his own so I offered to go with him for support. We both had the test done, he tested HIV negative and I tested HIV positive. The news came as a huge blow to me, it was the last thing I was expecting, he was the one who was ill not me.

I'm married with two young daughters and after I first found out the news I couldn't tell my wife. I realized if I wanted to protect her I had to use condoms. Though I tried I couldn't sleep with her, I lost my sex drive and avoided her. My counselor encouraged me to open up to her. I did and I went with her for VCT, she also tested HIV positive. For one month she was not herself but slowly she began to accept her status. I'd already been involved in the local NZP+ group and she joined me. She helped mobilize a support group on her own and now has become a very strong member of NZP+, also doing psycho-social counseling. I feel we have become a stronger family now I know I can handle the fact I am HIV positive – my wife is more than able to.

My CD4 count was very low, though I have never been ill, and I went onto ARV drugs at the recommendation of the clinic. I have had no serious side effects from the drugs and my sex drive has returned. I'm not sure whether this is because I feel psychologically ok again or because I'm on the ARV drugs. I now feel it's important for me to support others locally who are living with HIV. There are still many woh are scared to come to the clinic. They are stigmatising themselves. I hope if they see me and I can speak to them this might give them encouragement. Coming together with others who are in the same situation as yourself really helps to build your confidence, you have time to ask questions and find out more about what living with HIV involves."

[Credits]

This testimony was granted in 2005 to the Positive Living Handbook (page 16) and recorded in 2019 by Zambia Peace Corps Volunteer Paul Sevigny, Rural Education Development. Translation assistance by counterpart Ba Ricky Mukozu. Music by Adam Greenberg.

Nyambe, thank you for sharing.

"This way we can show others what living positively is all about." - Binwell

Zambia

Tonga Language and English Translation

[English Translation]

"Our football team is about 16 members including women. Through playing football we get to mingle together and feel alive. And exercise is good for the group. We have started to play other support groups - and as we get better, we're winning!

I think taking part in sport helps you to be open about your status. It encourages you to get out and be active. This way we can show others what living positively is all about."

[Credits]

This testimony was granted in 2005 to the Positive Living Handbook (page 33) and recorded in 2019 by Zambia Peace Corps Volunteer Paul Sevigny, Rural Education Development. Translation assistance by counterpart Ba Ricky Mukozu. Music by Adam Greenberg.

Binwell, thank you for sharing.

"Alcohol was a way for me to escape." - Leyford

Zambia

Tonga Language and English Translation

[English Translation]

"Way back before I came to know my status I used to be a heavy drinker of alcohol. I started to experience health problems in 1987. I still continued drinking beer (Mosi & Castle) and smoking. Whenever I drank I used to have problems - headache and fever, especially at night.

The problem became more serious especially after I was found with TB in 1993. The doctor advised me to cut down on smoking and drinking while I was on treatment. But it was not easy, the first step I took was to try to stop smoking. After 8 months of TB treatment I recovered fully but still I used to drink some beer, all my friends were beer drinkers. Most of the time I was with them I found myself going back to my old ways. In 1995 I had a TB relapse and this time it was severe.

You can say you won't go back to drink but your friends will influence you. You can tell them your health will not allow you to drink. They will respond that this is rubbish, that drinking has nothing to do with your health. In my situation everything was not okay, we had hunger at home and I was ill. There was ittle money and it had to go for food and medicine and you found yourself drinking it off with friends.

It was just last year, 2004, after the death of my wife that I started to see some symptoms. Body pains continuously. I used to go to the clinic but was just being given panadol. This time every time I drank I fell very sick - I was experiencing night sweat and fever, flu and abdominal pains. It was not until my wife died that I took an HIV test. I knew it all along but I just wasn't ready to face the truth.

After the test the doctor advised me to minimize drinking and smoking. To work on my diet. I decided to stop both there and then. From this time my flu and night sweat has disappeared. There are no longer illnesses I can't account for. It was only when I knew my status that I finally decided to give up alcohol. I knew if I did drink I could die. I knew how dangerous it was. Never again - I'll never go back."

[Credits]

This testimony was granted in 2005 to the Positive Living Handbook (page 37) and recorded in 2019 by Zambia Peace Corps Volunteer Paul Sevigny, Rural Education Development. Translation assistance by counterpart Ba Ricky Mukozu. Music by Adam Greenberg.

Leyford, thank you for sharing your story.

"When you're HIV positive, it doesn't mean that it's the end of the world. It doesn't mean that God has abandoned you." - Anonymous Girl

Zambia

Bemba Language and English translation

[English Translation]

"Hello world. I know you're all wondering who I am and I wish I could reveal myself, but I don't feel like I should. But what is more important is for you to listen to what I have for you. I'm a girl living a positive life. I was born in the year 2000 on the 14th of July.

It's really funny, it's weird, it's strange, it's... it's a miracle. I was actually born HIV positive, but by that time, I never knew anything, my parents never knew anything. I grew up, I was still healthy, nothing was wrong with me and I thought all was well with me.

In the year 2017, that was in September, I decided to go for an HIV test. And unfortunately, I was found positive. It really hurt me a lot. Like, I cried uncontrollably. People tried to encourage me, but it was just so hard for me to accept. I felt like the world turned its back on me. And of course, it did. And I thought that God had left me. I almost committed suicide. I almost wanted to die. But by the grace of God, I didn't. Because with the support that I received from different types of people; I'm grateful for those people. It was a really sad moment for me, like, even when I started taking the medicine, it wasn't easy. It would do a lot of sudden things to me.

But, listen to this: my word of encouragement is that, if you know that you haven't gone for an HIV test, or if there's anyone out there living a positive life, just listen to this: it's not the end of the world. There's something, there's something beautiful, there's something greater that is coming ahead of you. Just because you're HIV positive, doesn't mean that... no, you... you're all alone. People are out there willing to support you. You are surrounded by so many loved people, when you're HIV positive it doesn't mean that it's the end of the world. It doesn't mean that God has abandoned you. It means something, yea, I know it hurts. It hurts to be living a positive life because the only thing you think about, you think about the negative things, but I want you to start thinking positive because it's not the end of the world.

Just as in for me, yea, even after I discovered that I was HIV positive, once I started taking the medicince, I used to feel real sick, I used to get sick often, here and there and sick, here and there and sick. But, when I just came to finally accept that I'm HIV positive, I got all... all was well with me, and right now I'm feeling fine, I'm still schooling. And by the grace of God, this year I'm completing, I'm finishing school, but with my status, because I know that my status can take me back, so I want to encourage you that whether you're HIV positive or not, just being HIV positive, let it not hinder you from achieving your goals, let it not hinder you from achieving your dreams.

Look at me. From 2000 until 2017, that's when I came to realize that I was HIV positive. So, I thank God that I'm still alive and that I'm living and that I know that I will achieve my dreams and achieve my goals. Same with you, so don't worry, don't stress your mind, just keep on, just keep on taking care of yourself, just keep on following the procedure of the medicine, just drink the medicine, do regular exercises. You are going to live a full life. You are going to live a successful life and nothing, nothing will ever go wrong in your life. I hope you have gotten something from what I've just said."

[Credits]

This testimony was recorded in 2019 by the speaker with assistance by Ba Cecilia. Music by Adam Greenberg, Peace Corps Zambia volunteer.

Anonymous Girl, thank you for sharing.

“Just because you’re HIV positive doesn’t mean that you’re all alone. People are out there willing to support you. You are surrounded by so many loved people. When you’re HIV positive, it doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the world. It doesn’t mean that God has abandoned you.”

[Transcript]

“Hello world. I know you’re all wondering who I am and I wish I could reveal myself, but I don’t feel like I should. But what is more important is for you to listen to what I have for you. I’m a girl living a positive life. I was born in the year 2000 on the 14th of July.

It’s really funny, it’s weird, it’s strange, it’s… it’s a miracle. I was actually born HIV positive, but by that time, I never knew anything, my parents never knew anything. I grew up, I was still healthy, nothing was wrong with me and I thought all was well with me.

In the year 2017, that was in September, I decided to go for an HIV test. And unfortunately, I was found positive. It really hurt me a lot. Like, I cried uncontrollably. People tried to encourage me, but it was just so hard for me to accept. I felt like the world turned its back on me. And of course, it did. And I thought that God had left me. I almost committed suicide. I almost wanted to die. But by the grace of God, I didn’t. Because with the support that I received from different types of people; I’m grateful for those people. It was a really sad moment for me, like, even when I started taking the medicine, it wasn’t easy. It would do a lot of sudden things to me.

But, listen to this: my word of encouragement is that, if you know that you haven’t gone for an HIV test, or if there’s anyone out there living a positive life, just listen to this: it’s not the end of the world. There’s something, there’s something beautiful, there’s something greater that is coming ahead of you. Just because you’re HIV positive, doesn’t mean that… no, you… you’re all alone. People are out there willing to support you. You are surrounded by so many loved people, when you’re HIV positive it doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the world. It doesn’t mean that God has abandoned you. It means something, yea, I know it hurts. It hurts to be living a positive life because the only thing you think about, you think about the negative things, but I want you to start thinking positive because it’s not the end of the world.

Just as in for me, yea, even after I discovered that I was HIV positive, once I started taking the medicince, I used to feel real sick, I used to get sick often, here and there and sick, here and there and sick. But, when I just came to finally accept that I’m HIV positive, I got all… all was well with me, and right now I’m feeling fine, I’m still schooling. And by the grace of God, this year I’m completing, I’m finishing school, but with my status, because I know that my status can take me back, so I want to encourage you that whether you’re HIV positive or not, just being HIV positive, let it not hinder you from achieving your goals, let it not hinder you from achieving your dreams.

Look at me. From 2000 until 2017, that’s when I came to realize that I was HIV positive. So, I thank God that I’m still alive and that I’m living and that I know that I will achieve my dreams and achieve my goals. Same with you, so don’t worry, don’t stress your mind, just keep on, just keep on taking care of yourself, just keep on following the procedure of the medicine, just drink the medicine, do regular exercises. You are going to live a full life. You are going to live a successful life and nothing, nothing will ever go wrong in your life. I hope you have gotten something from what I’ve just said.”

[Credits]

This testimony was recorded in 2019 by the speaker with assistance by Ba Cecilia. Music by Peace Corps Zambia volunteer Adam Greenberg, Rural Aquaculture Promotion Extension Agent. Podcast cover art by Kristen Jussila.

Anonymous girl, thank you for sharing.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit hivpositivevoices.substack.com

"There are still many who are scared to come to the clinic. They are stigmatizing themselves. I hope if they see me and I can speak to them, this might give them encouragement." - Nyambe

Zambia

Bemba language and English translation

[English Translation]

"One of my close friends was unwell with an STI (sexually transmitted infection). Our Clinical Officer here in Kapiri advised him to go for VCT (voluntary counseling and testing). I didn't want him to be on his own so I offered to go with him for support. We both had the test done, he tested HIV negative and I tested HIV positive. The news came as a huge blow to me, it was the last thing I was expecting, he was the one who was ill not me.

I'm married with two young daughters and after I first found out the news I couldn't tell my wife. I realized if I wanted to protect her I had to use condoms. Though I tried I couldn't sleep with her, I lost my sex drive and avoided her. My counselor encouraged me to open up to her. I did and I went with her for VCT, she also tested HIV positive. For one month she was not herself but slowly she began to accept her status. I'd already been involved in the local NZP+ group and she joined me. She helped mobilize a support group on her own and now has become a very strong member of NZP+, also doing psycho-social counseling. I feel we have become a stronger family now I know I can handle the fact I am HIV positive – my wife is more than able to.

My CD4 count was very low, though I have never been ill, and I went onto ARV drugs at the recommendation of the clinic. I have had no serious side effects from the drugs and my sex drive has returned. I'm not sure whether this is because I feel psychologically ok again or because I'm on the ARV drugs. I now feel it's important for me to support others locally who are living with HIV. There are still many woh are scared to come to the clinic. They are stigmatising themselves. I hope if they see me and I can speak to them this might give them encouragement. Coming together with others who are in the same situation as yourself really helps to build your confidence, you have time to ask questions and find out more about what living with HIV involves."

[Credits]

This testimony was granted in 2005 to the Positive Living Handbook (page 16) and recorded in 2019 by Zambia Peace Corps Volunteer Adam Greenberg, Rural Aquaculture Promotion Extension Agent. Translation assistance by counterpart Ba Silver. Music by Adam Greenberg.

Nyambe, thank you for sharing.

“There are still many who are scared to come to the clinic. They are stigmatizing themselves. I hope if they see me and I can speak to them, this might give them encouragement.”

[Transcript]

“One of my close friends was unwell with an STI (sexually transmitted infection). Our Clinical Officer here in Kapiri advised him to go for VCT (voluntary counseling and testing). I didn’t want him to be on his own so I offered to go with him for support. We both had the test done, he tested HIV negative and I tested HIV positive. The news came as a huge blow to me, it was the last thing I was expecting, he was the one who was ill not me.

I’m married with two young daughters and after I first found out the news I couldn’t tell my wife. I realized if I wanted to protect her I had to use condoms. Though I tried I couldn’t sleep with her, I lost my sex drive and avoided her. My counselor encouraged me to open up to her. I did and I went with her for VCT, she also tested HIV positive. For one month she was not herself but slowly she began to accept her status. I’d already been involved in the local NZP+ group and she joined me. She helped mobilize a support group on her own and now has become a very strong member of NZP+, also doing psycho-social counseling. I feel we have become a stronger family now I know I can handle the fact I am HIV positive – my wife is more than able to.

My CD4 count was very low, though I have never been ill, and I went onto ARV drugs at the recommendation of the clinic. I have had no serious side effects from the drugs and my sex drive has returned. I’m not sure whether this is because I feel psychologically ok again or because I’m on the ARV drugs. I now feel it’s important for me to support others locally who are living with HIV. There are still many woh are scared to come to the clinic. They are stigmatising themselves. I hope if they see me and I can speak to them this might give them encouragement. Coming together with others who are in the same situation as yourself really helps to build your confidence, you have time to ask questions and find out more about what living with HIV involves.”

[Credits]

This testimony was granted in 2005 to the Positive Living Handbook (page 16) and recorded in 2019 by Zambia Peace Corps Volunteer Adam Greenberg, Rural Aquaculture Promotion Extension Agent. Translation assistance by counterpart Ba Silver. Music by Adam Greenberg.

Nyambe, thank you for sharing.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit hivpositivevoices.substack.com

"Some children have lost both parents, some one; they need to be helped. But we're asking the government to include us in development, so that we will be working together." - Rosemary

Bemba language and English translation

[English Translation]

My name is Rosemary. When I first felt sick, it was 2013 and I went to Mungwi Baptist Clinic. When I reached Mungwi, I visited the clinic officer who tested me and found that I'm HIV positive. Then I came back from Mungwi and went straight to the Malole Clinic where Madam Marjorie attended to me. She started me on treatment on the 13th of March, 2013. I have received medicine in Malole from that time until now, 2019. We have an organization in my village that I am active in, we encourage other people within the community, those who fear being open, to be open. So I started encouraging people in the community because they are not open. From that time, I was accompanied by Mary Chileshe. We make sure that we also encourage other people who are already sick. That's how we continue encouraging other members. I'm also a member of Home Based Care, so it's easier for me to work in my village. We've continued that program from 2013 up to now, in 2019. We go around the village to make sure that we're with people. We started working with Clara on malnutrition because some children are not looking healthy. Then Clara went back to America and from there, we continued with Rebecca and the same program. After working together with Rebecca, then Sam came. Now he teaches us fish farming. But people are still feeling shy because of stigma. Some people are not attending the meetings because they are fearful. So we have continued with Home Based Care in the village. Today, Adam visited to help us learn more about fish farming which can help us, showing us how to care for fish. We are going to harvest in May or June. After harvesting our fish, we're going to continue, but we're asking the government to include us in development so that we will be working together. We need the government to make sure they're supporting us so that we can continue, because some of the children - their parents have died, so they are orphans. So they need to help. Some children have lost both parents, some one. They need to be helped. Mrs. Mary has continued to help us by collecting reports and taking them to Mrs. Chewe at the clinic and she supports those in the community who have fear.

[Credits]

This testimony was recorded in 2019 by Zambia Peace Corps Volunteer Adam Greenberg, Rural Aquaculture Promotion Extension Agent. Translation assistance by counterpart Ba Silver. English recording by RAP PCV Maggie Ruppel. Thanks also to CHIP PCV Sam Rudloff. Music by Adam Greenberg.

Thank you, Rosemary.

“Some children have lost both parents; some, one. They need to be helped. But we’re asking the government to include us in development, so that we will be working together.”

[Transcript]

“My name is Rosemary. When I first felt sick, it was 2013 and I went to Mungwi Baptist Clinic. When I reached Mungwi, I visited the clinic officer who tested me and found that I’m HIV positive. Then I came back from Mungwi and went straight to the Malole Clinic where Madam Marjorie attended to me. She started me on treatment on the 13th of March, 2013. I have received medicine in Malole from that time until now, 2019.

We have an organization in my village that I am active in, we encourage other people within the community, those who fear being open, to be open. So I started encouraging people in the community because they are not open. From that time, I was accompanied by Mary Chileshe. We make sure that we also encourage other people who are already sick. That’s how we continue encouraging other members. I’m also a member of Home Based Care, so it’s easier for me to work in my village. We’ve continued that program from 2013 up to now, in 2019. We go around the village to make sure that we’re with people. We started working with Clara on malnutrition because some children are not looking healthy. Then Clara went back to America and from there, we continued with Rebecca and the same program. After working together with Rebecca, then Sam came. Now he teaches us fish farming. But people are still feeling shy because of stigma. Some people are not attending the meetings because they are fearful. So we have continued with Home Based Care in the village.

Today, Adam visited to help us learn more about fish farming which can help us, showing us how to care for fish. We are going to harvest in May or June. After harvesting our fish, we’re going to continue, but we’re asking the government to include us in development, so that we will be working together. We need the government to make sure they’re supporting us so that we can continue, because some of the children – their parents have died, so they are orphans. So they need to help. Some children have lost both parents; some, one. They need to be helped. Mrs. Mary has continued to help us by collecting reports and taking them to Mrs. Chewe at the clinic and she supports those in the community who have fear.”

[Credits]

This testimony was recorded in 2019 by Zambia Peace Corps Volunteer Adam Greenberg, Rural Aquaculture Promotion Extension Agent. Translation assistance by counterpart Ba Silver. English recording by RAP PCV Maggie Ruppel. Thanks also to CHIP PCV Sam Rudloff. Music by Adam Greenberg.

Thank you, Rosemary.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit hivpositivevoices.substack.com

"They can concentrate on doing good things because they're also human beings; they can do things to lead normal lives." - Mary

Zambia

Bemba language and English Translation

[English Translation]

My name is Mary Chileshe in the village of Mumena. I was elected in this village to look after people who have different diseases. We have formed a support group to support one another so we know how to care for ourselves when we are sick and so that they know how to care for their lives. Some people are failing to care for their lives because of small problems. Some have fear. Some have a short thinking mind. The support group is helping those who have problems so that they can make progress and concentrate on having a good life. If they reduce thinking about the problems in their lives, they can concentrate on doing good things because they're also human beings; they can do things to lead normal lives. People who are positive can live as long as or even longer than those who are not sick, so long as they reduce beer drinking and smoking. Aids can kill, diarrhea can kill, and cholera can kill. I am the caregiver in this area and I'm encouraging people with HIV to live positively. As a support group, we are here for support and to make sure they are encouraged to be open, to reduce stigma. This group is very open, even to help those who are not open."

[Credits]

This testimony was recorded in 2019 by Zambia Peace Corps Volunteer Adam Greenberg, Rural Aquaculture Promotion Extension Agent. Translation assistance by counterpart Ba Silver. English recording by RAP PCV Maggie Ruppel. Thanks also to CHIP PCV Sam Rudloff. Music by Adam Greenberg.

Mary, thank you for sharing.