Holding the Fort Abroad

This episode is Part 1 of a new series based on my book 'Holding the Fort Abroad' (HTFA). It is mainly for the partner managing life at home while their spouse/partner travels for work.

If you are the one away or anyone supporting families where one parent works away, this episode is a must listen to understand what a holding the fort parent is going through. .

When one parent travels for work, the holding the fort parent often carries a heavy physical and emotional load. It can lead to decision fatigue, burnout or feeling alone in your relationship. Each episode in this series shares a short reading from my book Holding the Fort Abroad, some behind the scenes, and practical ways to feel more supported and less alone.

A workshop coming up!

If you are the Holding the Fort Parent, join me for the Physical and Emotional Reset Workshop on 8 May 2026.

Sign up here. Take 90 minutes to create a plan to get more peace, find your purpose, reduce overwhelm, include your husband/partner in parenting.

Episode introduction

Book Excerpt: Introduction, ppv-vii

Back story: when I wrote HTFA, I wanted to capture the rawness of my experience. Interviews opened up new discoveries of what I was experiencing. I also realised that so many people lived it. And across so many professions: humanitarian, diplomatic, rotation workers in energy sector, mining, oil and gas, entertaining. The common thread is the absence from home and the potential for overload for both parents.

Chapter 1 of the book I cover this and how common it is in expat life. Moving abroad and then partner absence. Adds a layer to challenges of expat life, loss of identity, loss of social network, loneliness, challenges for professional life.

What I have learned since: it is not only for expats, it is about connection when in multiple locations

Episode 1 — Navigating feelings when your spouse/partner travels for work

The emotional side of frequent business travel and work away from home for the home based parent

Book Excerpt: Chapter 2, pp17-20

Emotional intensity

The type of life that we lead when one parent is absent for work is one of the biggest challenges and also opportunities to increase capacity to regulate big feelings: disappointment, uncertainty, resentment (read excerpt). This is not a failure of coping — it is a normal response to carrying increased responsibility while missing your partner in daily life. One or more of these comes up pretty regularly in my interviews and in my conversations with home based parents (those who have finished with it and those who are still in the middle of it)

Behind the scenes

"Recognising when I have big feelings and what to do with them is something that I continue to work on. It is connected to our nervous systems and stress levels. I would say that finding ways to express and regulate our big emotions is going to be the biggest win for this kind of life. It will help communication in our relationships, it brings peace to our lives, we will be able to respond instead of react, I literally had this a few weeks ago in my own life and I used all the tools at my disposal to regulate without suppressing." [15:25]

Practical Insight:

Step 1 — Notice the signals

Common signs of emotional overload:

• clenched jaw
• tight shoulders
• shallow breathing
• irritability
• feeling mentally overloaded
• stomach tension
• feeling unappreciated or unseen

Awareness is the first step toward regulation.

Step 2 — Try one regulation tool

One tool that some listeners find helpful is Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping).

I explored this in Episode 43: How to Calm Intense Emotions with Eleni Vardaki.

Tapping #43 How to calm intense emotions with tapping – with Eleni Vardaki - Rhoda Bangerter

Step 3 — Build your emotional toolbox

I have a physical and emotional toolkit

• I have a Physical toolkit i.e. calm intense emotions with heat among other things (I am not talking about increasing the temperatures in my home. Physical activity for some. (Chris Moyer’s episode for men and their emotions)
• I have an Emotional toolkit: Space for sadness, Space for stillness and silence, Call it out and name it (often in a journal)

Reinforces agency.

The goal is not to eliminate difficult emotions.

The goal is to develop enough support tools so the emotions do not run the household.

Resource Centre link

How to Find Peace When Your Husband Travels for Work - Rhoda Bangerter

If you want to go deeper and find out more, you will find top tip sheets on dealing with intense emotions Guide on resentment, an evaluation of your Life balance and Life Satisfaction (helps identify areas that irritate us) You will find this one at the back of the book as well.

Access the Resource Centre here: www.rhodabangerter.com/individuals

In Chapter 2, I explore the importance of taking responsibility for your own needs, asking for support, knowing what is important for you, celebrating your successes. You will find resources to help you with each of these five elements in the resource centre too.

Reflection prompts

1. Which emotion shows up most often when your partner travels?
2. How easily do you notice when you are experiencing a strong emotion? 1-5
3. What physical signs tell you you are reaching capacity?

• clenched jaw
• tight shoulders
• shallow breathing
• irritability
• feeling mentally overloaded
• stomach tension
• feeling unappreciated or unseen

What already helps you regulate stress?

What is currently in your emotional toolbox?

What might you add to your emotional toolbox this season?

• hot water bottle
• cream on my feet, or hands,
• spiky ball,
• orangeblute tea,
• self havening,
• bare feet on grass or ground (grounding),
• tapping
• journaling
• space for sadness
• silence and solitude

In the next episode

In the next episode I will cover another aspect of personal wellbeing and development when you are the home based parent: and that is your professional life, your personal growth and pursuing your passions. This is something that is affected by a partner who travels.

Contact Rhoda: [email protected]

Receive news regularly on new episodes of HTFA Podcast and on new events and resources. Subscribe to my newsletter.

Buy the book: Holding the Fort Abroad

Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone.

OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone.

You may be wondering:

• How can we be a family when we're miles apart?
• Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise?

I believe there are answers to the above questions, and the answers start with you. In this context, it's more important than ever to invest in yourself, to care for yourself, to set your own goals and to watch yourself grow. Equally important is to nurture your relationship with your partner and learn to parent together.

Flor Garcia has experience of frequent business travel in family life, and now that her children have grown up she explains to us how she and her husband adapted frequent business travel with children who have flown the nest! Flor works across cultures and helps organisational leaders deliver sustainable, cost effective solutions for global teams. She is also the President of Families in Global Transitions.

Key Takeaways

Flor’s story and message to new mums with travelling partners

• Flor was born and raised in Venezuela, where she lived until age 22. In 2002, she left her homeland, got married, and settled in the southern United States. There, she and her husband started their family, welcoming their first son just a year and a half after marriage as her husband worked on building his career and started travelling. She acknowledged the loneliness of those years and offers hope.
• She emphasizes self-compassion: “You don’t have to know it all or do it all perfectly.”
• Avoid isolation and seek connections, even if language or cultural barriers feel daunting.
• Your capacity for resilience and adaptability is a gift to your children.

“there is the hope of knowing that, you know, you're raising children that are going to grow in a way that they are going to learn by example what it is to be, to adjust, to adapt, to be agile. In different circumstances, they see their mothers juggling and trying different things.”

Careers & Community:

• The importance of nonlinear, portable careers—embracing flexibility and finding the common thread in your professional path.
• Families in Global Transition (FIGT) is a supportive community for anyone navigating globally mobile lifestyles. It offers resources, networking, and opportunities for learning and growth.

Adapting in New Seasons:

• With grown children, Flor Garcia now joins her husband on trips, enjoying new routines and intentional reconnection as a couple.
• She highlights the importance of being intentional about rediscovering partnership when transitioning into “bird launcher” parents (i.e. children flying the nest)

Flor Garcia is a global cultural strategy leader who advises senior executives on how to lead and perform across complexity. With over 15 years of experience, she has partnered with multinational organizations to align culture, leadership, and business strategy across regions.

Flor is known for translating cultural dynamics into practical leadership actions that improve decision-making, alignment, and performance. She has led large-scale global initiatives reaching thousands of leaders across the Americas, EMEA, and APAC.

As President of Families in Global Transition, she also supports a global community navigating identity, mobility, and belonging across borders.

Fluent in English, Spanish, and German, Flor brings both lived experience and strategic rigor to her work.

She is the co-founder of Leading Across Culture, where she helps organizations turn cultural complexity into clarity, connection, and growth.

Connect with Flor

LinkedIn

Leading Across Culture

Find out more about Families in Global Transitions (FIGT) at Families in Global Transition - Home

Two events you may be interested in:

FIGT is holding a session on nonlinear careers in June -ideal for anyone wrestling with professional transitions across borders (43:17).

FIGT April Forum: Connect with globally-minded peers and experts, membership optional.

Contact Rhoda: [email protected]

Receive news regularly on new episodes of HTFA Podcast and on new events and resources. Subscribe to my newsletter.

Buy the book: Holding the Fort Abroad

Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone.

OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone.

You may be wondering:

• How can we be a family when we're miles apart?
• Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise?

I believe there are answers to the above questions, and the answers start with you. In this context, it's more important than ever to invest in yourself, to care for yourself, to set your own goals and to watch yourself grow. Equally important is to nurture your relationship with your partner and learn to parent together.

Practical strategies for families when one parent works away. Part 1 is on the importance of naming your family structure to reduce stress and avoids future regret.

Part 2 highlights the power of using language that reinforces family experience and teamwork.

Part 3 looks at the triangulation relationship between At Home Parent, Travelling Parent and Child and how that helps reinforce bonds across the distance.

Keywords: travelling parents, connected family life, parent away from home, long-distance family

The first of a 3-episode series:

1. Episode 89 Recognise it for what it is
2. Episode 90 Reframe as WE
3. Episode 91 Re-enforce The Bond Across the Distance

These are mainly findings from my Masters thesis, where I interviewed adults who had grown up with a father who travelled frequently for work.

1. The Travelling Parent
2. Does not necessarily communicate with the Child when away
3. Is in communication with At Home Parent and Child knows it
4. Is always involved when home (outings to the park, hiking, biking, restaurant)

“I knew he cared because he cared when he was home”

1. Watch out for how technology can take away that presence from home time
2. The At Home Parent

The role of the at home parent was highlighted as crucial in the evolving and developing relationship between the travelling parent and the child.

1. Keeps Child informed of traveling parent’s whereabouts and comings and goings
2. Keeps Travelling Parent informed of what is happening with Child and makes sure Travellng Parent is involved in Child’s big event
3. Teaches communication between Child and Travelling Parent. Facilitates phone calls.
4. Positive Portrayal of Travelling Parent

‘My mum was putting up this really good image of my father that he is pretty much involved in our life, even though he physically was traveling. And the reason why he was, because of us, to give us a life that we did not have to worry about anything’

Consider your own triangular relationship.

Questions to ask yourself:

1. What do you and your partner communicate to each other about the Child?
2. As the At Home Parent how do you:
3. Portray the Travelling Parent to the Child?
4. Facilitate their relationship?
5. As the Travelling Parent:
6. How do you keep informed about your Child’s life, interests and needs?
7. What can you ask of your At Home Partner that would help you stay connected to your Child?

Find out how you can use the ICAN Model: Distance Parenting: How the ICAN Model Helps Families Stay Connected When One Parent Travels - Rhoda Bangerter

Contact Rhoda: [email protected]

Receive news regularly on new episodes of HTFA Podcast and on new events and resources. Subscribe to my newsletter.

Buy the book: Holding the Fort Abroad

Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone.

OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone.

You may be wondering:

1. How can we be a family when we're miles apart?
2. Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise?

I believe there are answers to the above questions, and the answers start with you. In this context, it's more important than ever to invest in yourself, to care for yourself, to set your own goals and to watch yourself grow. Equally important is to nurture your relationship with your partner and learn to parent together.

Practical strategies for families when one parent works away. Part 1 is on the importance of naming your family structure to reduce stress and avoids future regret.

This episode (Part 2/3) highlights the power of using language that reinforces family experience and teamwork.

Keywords: travelling parents, connected family life, parent away from home, long-distance family

The first of a 3-episode series:

1. Episode 89 Recognise it for what it is
2. Episode 90 Reframe as WE
3. Episode 91 Re-enforce The Bond Across the Distance

Episode 2 Reframe as WE

1. Do a Language Audit

Do you emphasise teamwork and working together as a family?

When I speak with people who work far from home, and when I speak with their spouses at home, what I am hearing is one family narrative, one family story.

Even though you are not under the same roof, the way that people talk is ‘my family’, ‘this is what we are doing for the family’

Example: Colleen EP 71 about transitions in global life

And then there's the emotional side. So for things, things like grief, you can power through for a while, but at some time, some point, I know our family, we've been learning it's better to just give it some space because it's going to come anyway.

2. Family

The overwhelming majority of participants of my research for my Masters mentioned the word ‘family’ over 10 times during their interviews although the questions related to what their childhood was like with a travelling parent, communication with their travelling parent, how they knew their parent cared

“I think the important thing is finding family rituals in the sense of figuring out what are things you enjoy doing together as a family’

Parents working as a team also strongly came out in the interviews.

3. Family Project

Whether one of you frequently travels or lives and works in another county, consider this from a project management perspective and treat it as a whole family project. It is a project after all, with stakeholders: you and your spouse, your children, certain members of your extended family, close friends will all be ‘key stakeholders’ in your family project.

Create joint meaning, work towards a common goal, and celebrate the wins along the way, even at a distance!!

Contact Rhoda: [email protected]

Receive news regularly on new episodes of HTFA Podcast and on new events and resources. Subscribe to my newsletter.

Buy the book: Holding the Fort Abroad

Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone.

OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone.

You may be wondering:

1. How can we be a family when we're miles apart?
2. Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise?

I believe there are answers to the above questions, and the answers start with you. In this context, it's more important than ever to invest in yourself, to care for yourself, to set your own goals and to watch yourself grow. Equally important is to nurture your relationship with your partner and learn to parent together.

Practical strategies for families when one parent works away, and how naming your family structure reduces stress and avoids future regret.

Keywords: travelling parents, connected family life, parent away from home, long-distance family

The first of a 3-episode series:

1. Episode 89 Recognise it for what it is
2. Episode 90 Reframe as WE
3. Episode 91 Re-enforce The Bond Across the Distance

Episode 1: What Are We Recognising

Main Takeaways

You’re not broken. Your family isn’t unusual. This is a legitimate family form.

Different names

1. Split Family International Assignments
2. Multi location families, Split Location Families
3. Non family duty stations
4. Unaccompanied Postings
5. Frequent Business Travel

Different lengths of time

1. A few weeks at a time
2. Living and working in another country

Different sectors, different scenarios, different reasons

Same absence, same toing and froing

Similar challenges, big emotions, hidden load

1. The parent at home becomes default parent
2. The travelling parent fears losing connection
3. Ambiguous grief for children

Same potential for regret

Two well-known studies:

1. Impact on Spouses of World Bank Staff
2. Anne Copeland, Interchange Institute, Voices from Home and Voices from the Road

2. Why naming and recognising it matters

1. Not recognising it and ‘just getting on with it’ can lead to regrets later on
2. Underestimating impact on self and others and self blame
3. Couples often don’t anticipate systemic impact. Recognising and naming it allows to put things in place. It gives structure.

3. How do we name it?

Importance of not mis-labeling: single parent, absent parent.

Labels that undermine the travelling parent

1. Absent parent
2. Not really there
3. Part-time parent
4. Weekend dad / weekend mum
5. Secondary parent
6. The one who left
7. The one who is never here
8. Visitor in the home
9. Financial provider only
10. Fun parent (implies superficial involvement)

Reduces authority, legitimacy of travelling parent

Child may internalise:

1. They are less important
2. Their parent is less committed
3. Their family is less stable

Even if not true

Labels that overload the home-based parent

1. Single parent (when still in intact partnership)
2. Solo parent
3. Parenting alone
4. Doing it all
5. The real parent
6. Primary parent (can be neutral in research but harmful in family narrative depending on tone)

Why harmful:

Removes the psychological presence of the travelling parent.

Increase overload of home parent

Child may internalise:

1. One parent is carrying everything
2. The other parent is peripheral
3. Family system is incomplete
4. Increase anxiety in children

These labels are harmful because they imply deficiency, abandonment, or dysfunction, rather than recognising structure and adaptation.

Wrong labels are often unintended.

Reasons:

1. Lack of better language
2. Trying to express difficulty
3. Seeking validation
4. Cultural default language

Not malicious. But still impactful.

Avoid deficiency labels.

Use structural labels.

Examples:

Instead of:

1. Absent parent → Travelling parent

Instead of:

1. Single parent → Parent at home

Instead of:

1. Not here → Working away, still part of us

Do a Language Audit and Create A Family Narrative (Listen to #58)

3. Lived Experience

1. 7 Interviews of adults that have grown up with a travelling father
2. Across sectors (military, business, airline, non-profit sector) and continents (all continents represented) small sample but the same topics came up) and homogenous experience of this father who was gone and came back
3. Many it was the first time they were thinking about it from this angle, started having conversations before the interviews and after the interviews
4. All had good relationships with fathers, wanted more time with them, knew them more as a friend I did not have an absent father.
5. Looked at the systemic strategies how both parents worked together that will be the next episode. More in Episodes 2 & 3

Episodes to Listen to

#55 Michael Pollock, #48 Lucas, #36 Anaju, #45 Ophelia, #51 Katia Vlachos, #46 Irene

Many more from the point of views of mothers and fathers

Conclusion

1. Shift from uncertainty, vague experience and hidden challenges to “We are a multi-location family”
2. Labels can be limiting, they can also be freeing: from isolation to recognition, to community
3. Shift from "what is wrong with me", "why do I feel this way" TO "many people feel this way", "these are common challenges".
4. Recognising this family structure and naming it will help children make sense of their world and increases psychological safety

If this is something that you are living as a parent, then it is not weird, many people live it. What are you going to put in place? How are you going to be aware?

If you have lived it as a child, then what you have experienced is valid. This gives you words for your feelings.

See you in Episode 2 of this series for Reframing: The Power of We.

Contact Rhoda: [email protected]

Receive news regularly on new episodes of HTFA Podcast and on new events and resources. Subscribe to my newsletter.

Buy the book: Holding the Fort Abroad

Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone.

OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone.

You may be wondering:

1. How can we be a family when we're miles apart?
2. Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise?

I believe there are answers to the above questions, and the answers start with you. In this context, it's more important than ever to invest in yourself, to care for yourself, to set your own goals and to watch yourself grow. Equally important is to nurture your relationship with your partner and learn to parent together.

Andrea Schmitt shares what it felt like to be the spouse of someone working the hotel industry and who travelled a lot. Listen to what helped her keep the family connected, and what she wishes more families understood about growing up and loving across international moves and frequent travel. Andrea is a clinical psychologist and she coaches expat teen girls, helping them make sense of identity, belonging, and the emotional ups and downs that come with a mobile life.

“He travels 50% a month”

You have a choice

Andrea Schmitt opens up about how she managed loneliness as a “trailing spouse” and later as a “trailing mom.” She highlights the power of intentionally choosing her situation, seeking out international communities, and repeatedly putting herself out there to build new connections—even when it meant being vulnerable time and again.

“I sat myself down and I thought “it feels like you don't have a choice, but you do…I loved us as a family, and I thought “ how can I manage better? And that's when everything sort of shifted and I became less resentful because I had the feeling that I chose being there”

Staying Connected as a Family

With her husband away so much, keeping the family bonded was a real challenge. ‘Good morning’ and ‘good night’, especially with their daughter, Jessica, were always time for check in, even quick, and even if they landed in the middle of the night for Andrea’s husband.

“he would always make time whenever he had a little break. And he has this particularly nice habit. He, not me. He will always pick up the phone, even if he's in a meeting. And he will at least say, I'm in a meeting, I will call you back…It's like he's always there. He will always pick up.”

He invented Action Family with different characters. At night, in person or on the phone, dad and daughter would spend sometimes hours making up stories about this family. This went on for years and years. “That continued at night in whatever country, in whatever time zone. So at night for us, for Jessica. It was their thing” says Andrea.

When her husband was home, Andrea would deliberately find activities to do that would give her husband space to parent. She also created a photo album of her husband, the places where he grew up, photos of him with Jessica. It was even small enough that she could take it on holidays with her and they would look at it often when dad was not around.

Andrea would also update her husband on Jessica’s schooling and what was going on in their lives when he was away. Now that their daughter is an adult, she has different topics she shares with each parent and ‘there is no need to update each other on those’

Attachment with the travelling parent

Changes in return dates, constant coming and going, grief when a parent leaves home can take a toll on the relationship between travelling parent and child.

If you know about attachment style and you look at the four different ones, you know which one you want to avoid for their future.

To find out more about attachment styles and travelling parenting, you can listen to episode #82 How to nurture parent child attachment when work travelling

Supporting Kids Through Transition

As both a mom and coach, Andrea underscores the importance of scaffolding positive childhood experiences for kids growing up in globally mobile families—balancing normal teen issues with the extra layers of moving countries and parental absence.

Key PCS are:

1. Emotional Connection: The ability to talk with family about feelings.
2. Safety and Support: Feeling safe, protected, and supported by adults in the home.
3. Community and Belonging: A sense of belonging in school, having friends, and participating in community traditions.
4. Mentorship: Having at least two non-parent adults who genuinely care.

Positive Childhood Experiences (PCEs) Inventory

Practical Advice for Globally Mobile Families

Don’t dismiss the challenges (“kids are resilient” isn’t enough—support and scaffolding are needed).

Tiny rituals make a big impact—whether it’s a 30-second call, a special story, or bringing home a small gift as a symbol of care.

Keep educating yourself about expat family dynamics and attachment. There are more resources than ever to help you navigate.

Andrea and her co-host Matthieu Gagnon now offer the TCK Research Podcast, breaking down research on third culture kids (TCKs), expats, and globally mobile families.

Contact Rhoda: [email protected]

Receive news regularly on new episodes of HTFA Podcast and on new events and resources. Subscribe to my newsletter.

Buy the book: Holding the Fort Abroad

Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone.

OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone.

You may be wondering:

1. How can we be a family when we're miles apart?
2. Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise?

I believe there are answers to the above questions, and the answers start with you. In this context, it's more important than ever to invest in yourself, to care for yourself, to set your own goals and to watch yourself grow. Equally important is to nurture your relationship with your partner and learn to parent together.

Another episode from the Top Five most listened episodes. This conversation is with Margaret Ghielmetti.

Margaret knows what it is like to be home alone when she thought she was moving abroad with her husband and not moving abroad waiting for her husband to come home. She talks about her journey from thinking she would be fine to the reality she encountered to finally being open about needing help and creating a life for herself on her own terms.

1. The metaphorical life handbook we receive from our families.
2. Why Margaret was surprised by the effect of her husband’s travelling although she (thought she) knew what she had signed up for.
3. Supporting each other when not in the same place. Expressing your needs.
4. Sharing the blessing of allowing others to help us.
5. Stop saying ‘I’m fine’.
6. Deciding non-negotiables for you! Keeping soft boundaries.
7. Casting a wide net.
8. Feeling lonely when you feel you should be feeling lucky.

‘Bravi(ish): A Memoir of a Recovering Perfectionist’

www.margaretghielmetti.com

Clinical psychologist Dr. Veronique Elefant-Yanni guides us on how to (re)build emotional intimacy for couples separated by frequent business travel or international assignments. Drawing on her 25 years of experience and her innovative 3D Human Therapy, she explains why sharing day-to-day experiences—even trivial ones—is essential. The conversation covers the invisible pressures of expat life, how to recognize and address codependency, and practical strategies to reconnect across distance. This episode offers actionable advice for maintaining meaningful relationships when work and geography pull families apart.

1. Small Daily Exchanges Build and Preserve Intimacy Sharing everyday experiences—even a passing thought, a funny encounter, or a fleeting feeling—is vital for emotional closeness.

For families dealing with frequent travel or split assignments, these “small talk” exchanges provide the threads that keep relationships strong. It's not the depth of each conversation that matters, but maintaining a consistent flow of communication that mirrors daily life together. When partners make space for regular sharing, even via text or short calls, it helps them reconnect and avoid becoming strangers.

2. Healthy Relationships Require Psychological Independence Balanced couples are made up of individuals who can both “stand on their own two feet”—functioning independently rather than relying on each other for emotional validation.

Frequent travel or split family assignments amplify this need. When partners fall into codependency, it can lead to resentment and dysfunction. Working on personal growth—by cultivating self-worth and independence—empowers couples to share genuine love, rather than need. This foundation is essential for surviving the unique stresses of expatriate or traveling lifestyles.

3. Communication Is Crucial—Don’t Assume, Speak Up Open dialogue about stress, loneliness, or frustration is necessary, especially when life circumstances mean one partner is away and the other is settling in alone.

Expat couples often assume the other understands their burdens, but Dr. Veronique Elefant-Yanni stresses the importance of expressing what you’re experiencing (“Your partner doesn’t know what you go through, so you have to speak”). This is especially important so accompanying spouses don’t feel invisible—communication is the lifeline that maintains empathy and support.

4. Addressing Internal Conflict and Rebuilding Self-Trust Emotional independence often means facing and diffusing internal conflict—like fear, anger, or self-doubt—that might be rooted in early experiences. Dr. Veronique Elefant-Yanni’s 3D Human Therapy model gives practical ways to restore trust in one’s own feelings and decisions. For those separated by work, understanding this process is key to avoiding self-sabotage and ensuring that interactions with loved ones remain constructive and authentic. Her free online guide offers tools for self-work, allowing listeners to begin healing and rebuilding from afar.

Contact Dr Elefant-Yanni

Dr. Elefant-Yanni knows that expat life isn’t always glamorous — it can be disorienting, lonely, and full of invisible pressures. As a Clinical Psychologist with over 25 years of experience and the creator of 3D Human Therapy®, she supports internationally mobile individuals and couples to recentre, rebuild connection, and reclaim their vitality. Originally from France and now based between Switzerland and Singapore, Véronique works fully online in French and English, helping clients across continents reconnect with their inner compass.

Website: https://psychologyexperts.online/

Free guide: www.psychologyexperts.online/3dform

Contact Rhoda: [email protected]

Receive news regularly on new episodes of HTFA Podcast and on new events and resources. Subscribe to my newsletter.

Buy the book: Holding the Fort Abroad

Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone.

OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone.

You may be wondering:

1. How can we be a family when we're miles apart?
2. Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise?

I believe there are answers to the above questions, and the answers start with you. In this context, it's more important than ever to invest in yourself, to care for yourself, to set your own goals and to watch yourself grow. Equally important is to nurture your relationship with your partner and learn to parent together.

For the next few months, I will be publishing one new episode every first Monday of the month. The second monthly episode will be a replay of the most popular episodes.

My interview with Vivian Chiona is a top FIVE.

Vivian is the founder of Expat Nest, online counselling service for internationals. She is a registered psychologist with Master’s degrees in both Child & Adolescent Psychology and Health Psychology. She was recognised in 2020 as one of the 100 most influential women in the world by Women appreciating Women. She is bicultural with family all over the world, Vivian is familiar with the international community and inspired by its diversity.

In this episode, she shares top strategies for long distance couples.

Enjoy!

Warmly

Rhoda

1. Define Your “Why” — Together: Susana Ortega highlights the importance of being crystal clear on your personal, familial, and professional reasons behind such big life decisions. It’s not enough to move because it’s required; when your “why” is aligned and discussed as a family, it becomes a pillar of resilience during times apart.
2. Set Clear Timeframes & Reevaluate as Needed: Open-ended separations can take a toll. Susana’s method—setting boundaries on time apart and regularly reevaluating the arrangement—keeps everyone grounded and allows for easier transitions (and renegotiations) as circumstances change.
3. Consistent Communication Anchors Connection: Whether it’s daily FaceTime calls during a morning dog walk or creative “matchmaking” to keep kids and a traveling parent close, finding practical ways to stay in touch can transform how families experience separation. These small habits foster ongoing emotional bonds, no matter the miles between.
4. Silver Linings: Susana found an unexpected confidence in managing teenage years and family life solo, realizing she was much stronger than she had thought. Her children, meanwhile, grew up grounded, flexible, and always felt part of a close-knit family, no matter the distance.

Special Offer: Heading home for the holidays? Susana is offering personalized one-on-one sessions to help you prepare, handle tricky family dynamics, and return to your expat life feeling recharged and confident. Connect with her via Instagram at Abroad with Susanna.

About Susana:

Susana Ortega Roig was born in Barcelona in 1969. She lived, studied, and built a life there until a beautiful twist of fate changed everything. In 1997, she married Toru which opened the door to a global adventure that has shaped her for more than 28 years.

From Barcelona to Tokyo, Brussels, Frankfurt, Amsterdam, Singapore, and back again, her life has been a rich tapestry of love, challenge, and discovery. Our two boys, Shoh (born in Tokyo) and Daigo (born in Frankfurt), grew up as true Third Culture Kids. And when Toru’s work sent him to São Paulo and later Los Angeles, they made the decision she would to stay in Amsterdam so their sons could finish school — a difficult chapter, but one they navigated with heart and resilience.

Her mission is to support expat spouses and mums who find themselves in a new country, feeling disconnected, lonely, or unsure where to begin.

For direct support, connect with Susana via her website abroadwithsusana.com and instagram @abroadwithsusana

Contact Rhoda: [email protected]

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Buy the book: Holding the Fort Abroad

Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone.

OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone.

You may be wondering:

1. How can we be a family when we're miles apart?
2. Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise?

I believe there are answers to the above questions, and the answers start with you. In this context, it's more important than ever to invest in yourself, to care for yourself, to set your own goals and to watch yourself grow. Equally important is to nurture your relationship with your partner and learn to parent together.