Holy Desires

Almost every Catholic husband I've talked to wrestles with this one: you want more intimacy, she seems content with less, and you're stuck wondering if this is just the way it's going to be. I get it. I hear it all the time.

In this episode, I'll share why compromise is actually the enemy of a thriving intimate life, what's really going on beneath the surface for both the higher-desire and lower-desire spouse (some of these might surprise you), and a powerful insight from St. Dominic that completely reframes the conversation. You have more agency here than you think.

Grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about it.

🎯 Free 4-Day Challenge for Catholic Husbands: "Dealing with Differences in Desire" — March 9–12. Replays available through March 20. www.canafeast.com/desire

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Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy:

🔥 Understanding Differences in Desire: The Four Pillars

>>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/4pillars

⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction

>>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

Most of us have encountered two very different attitudes toward sex in Catholic circles. On one side, there's the culture's message that sex is basically recreation. On the other, there's a hyper-restrictive view that treats almost everything beyond the bare minimum as suspect.

In this discussion, I'll share why I think both of these miss the mark, and that the Catholic tradition actually calls us to a virtue of sexuality, a grounded, joyful mean between extremes.

I'll walk through what the Catechism actually says about pleasure and joy in marriage (it might surprise you), talk about why an overly rigid moral framework feeds scrupulosity and can actually work against the natural law, and share a few of the key moral principles that really do matter.

I'll also get into what I think is the most important shift we can make as husbands: approaching our wives from a posture of other-centered love rather than self-interest. That's the heart of the sacrament, and it transforms everything, including the bedroom.

If you've ever wondered where the line is between moral clarity and unnecessary fear, this one's for you. Grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about it.

📄 The What's Allowed List — Sarah's practical guide to navigating moral questions around sex in Catholic marriage

📖 Humanae Vitae — Pope Paul VI's encyclical on the regulation of birth

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Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy:

🔥 Understanding Differences in Desire: The Four Pillars

>>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/4pillars

⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction

>>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

Confession time: I am not always easy to live with. A few days ago, I caught myself being grumpy with Sarah and the kids, and it turned out the whole thing was rooted in a frustration at work that had nothing to do with them. That moment of self-awareness led me back to one of the great gems of our Catholic spiritual tradition: the Discernment of Spirits from St. Ignatius of Loyola.

In this chat, I'll share two powerful principles from St. Ignatius that have helped me in my own life and talk about how they directly apply to our marriages. I'll also point you to Fr. Timothy Gallagher, whose work makes these ancient rules incredibly practical for contemporary life. Grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about it.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

📖 The Discernment of Spirits: An Ignatian Guide for Everyday Living by Fr. Timothy Gallagher

🎙️ Fr. Timothy Gallagher's podcast series on Discernment of Spirits (~20 episodes - apple podcast link)

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Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy:

🔥 Understanding Differences in Desire: The Four Pillars

>>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/4pillars

⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction

>>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

The whole reason I got into this ministry is because my wife Sarah started one first. Her program, My Delight, helps Catholic wives discover more intimacy, joy, and pleasure in sex within their marriages. In this episode, I'll talk about some of the real challenges women face that we as husbands may not fully understand, from the lasting effects of purity culture to pain during intercourse. I'll share what I've seen behind the scenes as Sarah has walked women through incredible transformations, read a couple of testimonials that blew me away, and tell you why this could be one of the best investments you make as a couple. Grab a cup of coffee and let's chat.

Check out My Delight here!

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Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy:

🔥 Understanding Differences in Desire: The Four Pillars

>>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/4pillars

⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction

>>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

Hollywood has sold us a fantasy: two people lock eyes, and suddenly they're having the most passionate night of their lives.

No effort, no planning, no awkwardness. Just effortlessly amazing sex.

But here's the thing: nobody's life looks like that.

And believing this myth can set us up for disappointment, frustration, and resentment.

In this episode, I'll unpack why this myth is so sneaky, what it actually takes to build a great sex life with your wife, and why a little effort is not only okay—it's an act of love.

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Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy:

🔥 Understanding Differences in Desire: The Four Pillars

>>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/4pillars

⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction

>>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

You want something more in your love life with your wife. Maybe more frequent, more passionate, more connected.

But sometimes she feels like a mystery to you.

How do you figure out where she's coming from? Here's the secret: you have to talk to her. Yes, even about sex.

In this episode, I'll share why this conversation matters, what your goal should be for that first conversation (hint: it's not to solve everything), and some practical tips for how to actually have it. Grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about it.

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Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy:

🔥 Understanding Differences in Desire: The Four Pillars

>>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/4pillars

⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction

>>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

We all love a good fight between good and evil. Whether it's Aragorn in Lord of the Rings or Luke Skywalker in Star Wars, there's something deep in us that responds to these epic battles.

Spiritual warfare is real, but it usually doesn't look like what we imagine.

The Catechism tells us that the first fight is against ourselves. In this episode, I'll share some of my own interior battles (like who's prepping dinner!), talk about how the enemy's favorite tactic is distraction, and get into why pornography is one of the biggest threats to men today.

Your heart is the battleground. Sometimes, you need to fight to stay in the fight.

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Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy:

🔥 Understanding Differences in Desire: The Four Pillars

>>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/4pillars

⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction

>>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

An engaged couple recently asked me, "What's the biggest danger we should avoid in marriage?" My answer: the slow drift apart.

In this episode, I'll walk you through what I call the green, yellow, and red zones of emotional connection. We'll talk about what it looks like when things are going well, what it feels like when you start treating each other more like colleagues than lovers, and what happens when the warmth fades altogether. I'll also share three simple, practical ways to keep your connection with your wife strong.

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Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy:

🔥 Understanding Differences in Desire: The Four Pillars

>>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/4pillars

⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction

>>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire

In this first chat, I wanted to share a bit about myself and why I started this community called Holy Desires.

I'll tell you how it all began, what this space is about (and what it's not), and I'll leave you with a perspective on marriage that changed how I show up as a husband. Here's a hint: your marriage isn't actually about you. It's about being a witness of God's love. When your kids and the people around you see how you love your wife, what are they learning about God? Grab a coffee and let's talk about it.

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Get one of my free resources for Catholic Husbands who want to improve their intimacy:

🔥 Understanding Differences in Desire: The Four Pillars

>>> Get the free PDF guide here: https://canafeast.com/4pillars

⚔️ REWIRE: The Science of Porn Addiction

>>> Access the free 3-part video series here: https://canafeast.com/rewire