Hope for the Home with Jerry and Becky Drace

Content note: this episode discusses domestic abuse, including an account of a woman who hid a black eye behind sunglasses at church, and briefly references childhood sexual abuse as a reason someone entered an early marriage.

Jerry and Becky Drace continue sharing anonymous stories of positive change after divorce, focusing this week on healing from abuse and rebuilding a sense of self.

They recount a pastor's account of confronting a husband over abuse discovered within his own congregation, and share statements from formerly abused spouses who described relief at "no longer living with a monster" and regaining self-esteem after years of feeling beaten down. The conversation turns to spiritual healing — one woman's insight that "God didn't leave me, my husband did," renewed involvement in mission trips, and rediscovering personal identity — along with the importance of shared faith and open communication in a future relationship. Referencing a well-known Christian family counselor's teaching on self-worth, they close with a preview of next week's topic: red flags to watch for before remarrying.

Topics discussed:

• A pastor's account of confronting domestic abuse in a congregation
• Rebuilding self-esteem and healing from depression after divorce
• Learning forgiveness and separating God's faithfulness from a spouse's failure
• Renewed spiritual growth, including mission trips
• The importance of shared faith and communication before marriage
• Rediscovering personal identity and independence after divorce
• Preview of next week's discussion on divorce "red flags"

Content note: this episode revisits, in less detail, a previously discussed account of a woman who plotted to kill an unfaithful ex-husband before finding forgiveness, alongside discussion of pornography and gambling as contributors to failed marriages.

Jerry and Becky Drace close out their discussion of anger and revenge after divorce before pivoting to a topic they say surprises people: the positive changes that can follow.

They talk about how unresolved anger, and in some marriages addictions to pornography, gambling, or social media, can erode a relationship long before divorce occurs. Then, drawing again on anonymous comments gathered over years of marriage conferences, they share statements from divorced men and women about the good that emerged from a hard season — regaining control of parenting decisions, financial relief from a spouse's harmful spending, the freedom to finally finish an education, the ability to relocate closer to a support system, and learning to depend on God rather than another person.

Topics discussed:

• Unresolved anger and its role in marital breakdown
• Social media, pornography, and gambling as strains on marriage
• Moving from a desire for revenge toward forgiveness
• Regaining parenting control and stability after divorce
• Financial relief after separating from harmful spending habits
• Finishing an education or pursuing a long-delayed goal
• Learning to depend on God rather than a spouse

Content note: this episode includes a story involving a spouse's pornography addiction and coming out as gay, and a separate account from a woman who describes plotting for two years to kill her unfaithful ex-husband before finding forgiveness.

Continuing their series on divorce, Jerry and Becky Drace focus on what they call the "mental adjustments" people face after a marriage ends.

They walk through loneliness, damaged self-esteem, loss of motivation, guilt, and depression, encouraging listeners to seek out a qualified Christian counselor rather than carry these burdens alone. The conversation turns to intense anger and the temptation toward revenge, including one woman's account of the bitterness she carried after discovering her husband's affair, and how she eventually confronted him with forgiveness even though he never apologized. The episode closes with a look at the social and vocational fallout of divorce — lost friendships, workplace changes, and the financial strain of starting over.

Topics discussed:

• Loneliness and self-esteem after divorce
• Guilt, motivation, and depression following a failed marriage
• The importance of finding a qualified Christian counselor
• Managing intense anger and resisting the pull toward revenge
• A story of moving from bitterness to forgiveness after infidelity
• Loss of friendships and social stigma after divorce
• Vocational and financial adjustments for newly single parents

Jerry and Becky Drace begin a new multi-week series on divorce, opening with current statistics and the emotional aftermath of a marriage ending.

They cite research showing 43% of first marriages end in divorce, along with far higher failure rates for second and third marriages, and unpack Malachi 2:16's statement that God "hates divorce" — clarifying that this does not mean God hates divorced people. Drawing on decades of conversations from their marriage conferences, they share anonymous quotes from people who have gone through divorce, including one woman's description of feeling "like a jigsaw puzzle thrown on the floor." The episode covers two of what they call the "negative changes" of divorce — family adjustments (like custody and relocation) and financial adjustments (like sudden single-income budgeting and unpaid child support) — and begins to introduce future and physical adjustments as well.

Topics discussed:

• Current statistics on first, second, and third marriage divorce rates
• Malachi 2:16 and the meaning of "God hates divorce"
• Emotional "jigsaw puzzle" imagery for life after divorce
• Family adjustments: custody, relocation, and children
• Financial adjustments: debt, alimony, and child support
• The role of commitment in preventing marital breakdown
• Becky's book "The Bright Side of Blue"

Continuing their series on senior adults, Jerry and Becky Drace tackle some common myths about getting older before turning to a deeper, practical look at dementia.

They work through three myths — that everyone over 65 is "old," that most older people are in poor health, and that older minds can't stay sharp — countering each with examples of active, mentally engaged seniors. The conversation then shifts to dementia, drawing on insight from a longtime friend who is a physician specializing in cognitive decline. He walks them through seven clinical stages, from no cognitive decline through very severe decline, describing symptoms like memory lapses, disorientation, wandering, and personality changes, along with practical advice for families: how to recognize warning signs, when to seek a clinical evaluation, and what to look for — especially nighttime care — when choosing a care facility for a loved one.

Topics discussed:

• Common myths about aging and mental sharpness
• The seven clinical stages of dementia
• Warning signs like memory lapses, disorientation, and wandering
• Hallucinations and personality changes in advanced dementia
• Supporting family caregivers without guilt
• What to look for when choosing a memory care facility
• Becky's book "The Bright Side of Blue"

Kicking off the new year, Jerry and Becky Drace begin a series on growing older, starting with the biblical idea that gray hair can be a "crown of glory."

Working from Proverbs 16:31, they discuss what it means to age in righteousness and share a list of ten characteristics of what they call "seasoned saints" — including a changing sense of time, an awareness of the full life cycle, a tendency to review one's past, and the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, and depression). They talk about the comfort of familiar routines and surroundings for older adults, the importance of leaving a spiritual legacy, and the value of passing wisdom to the next generation. Becky shares a personal story of praying for thirty years to be reconciled with estranged family, and the couple remembers a dear family friend who was like a second mother to them and who kept growing in her faith into old age.

Topics discussed:

• Proverbs 16:31 and the idea of a "crown of glory"
• Ten characteristics of what they call "seasoned saints"
• The stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression
• Making peace with the past and building new memories
• Attachment to familiar people, places, and routines
• Leaving a spiritual legacy for future generations
• Becky's book "The Bright Side of Blue"

As 2024 draws to a close, Jerry and Becky Drace skip traditional New Year's resolutions in favor of ten spiritual goals they believe can shape the year ahead.

The couple walks through each one with Scripture: reading God's Word daily (including a "H-E-A-R-T" study method Becky learned years ago), praying without ceasing, relying on the Holy Spirit through life's challenges, attending church regularly, and attending to marriage and family relationships. They also cover being an active witness for Christ, loving fellow believers even when it's hard, standing firm against temptation, and staying content regardless of circumstances. Along the way they reference a well-known book on marriage called "Love and Respect" and share personal stories about prayer lists, daily devotions, and the discipline it takes to keep faith consistent day to day.

Topics discussed:

• Ten spiritual resolutions for the new year
• Daily Bible reading and the "H-E-A-R-T" study method
• Building a consistent, personal prayer list
• Relying on the Holy Spirit through hardship
• Regular church attendance and life in a faith community
• Strengthening marriage and family commitment
• Being a witness for Christ in everyday encounters
• Becky's book "The Bright Side of Blue"

In a special Christmas edition, Jerry and Becky Drace unpack a single line from the nativity story that they say changed the course of human history.

Working through Luke 2:6 — "while they were there, the time came for her to give birth" — Jerry and Becky reflect on God's perfect timing in sending Jesus, tracing the prophecy back to Genesis 3:15 and noting the hundreds of Old Testament prophecies fulfilled at Christ's birth. They talk through Joseph's role in delivering Mary's baby in humble surroundings, the angels' announcement of "glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill toward men," and how the shepherds became the first evangelists by running to tell others what they'd seen. Jerry and Becky also share their own memories of their son Drew's and daughter Becca's premature births, use those stories to talk about a father's spiritual responsibility in the home, and close by encouraging listeners to keep Israel and the Jewish people in prayer during a time of global unrest.

Topics discussed:

• Luke 2:6 and God's perfect timing in the Christmas story
• Old Testament prophecies fulfilled in Christ's birth
• Joseph and Mary's roles in the nativity story
• The angels' announcement and the shepherds' response
• Fathers as the spiritual leaders of their homes
• Jerry and Becky's memories of their children's premature births
• Becky's book "The Bright Side of Blue"
• Praying for Israel and the Jewish people

Wrapping up their year-long series on building a stronger marriage, Jerry and Becky confront where judgmental attitudes and prejudice come from, and how couples can guard against tearing each other down.

Jerry shares childhood memories of witnessing racial prejudice growing up in the South, and the couple discuss how judgmental attitudes, whether racial, economic, or within families, are learned rather than innate, tracing the pattern back to Cain and Abel and Joseph's brothers in Scripture. They caution parents against favoring one child over another and encourage grace and compassion instead of judgment. The episode moves through several more listener-submitted principles: not pressuring a spouse who is already discouraged, choosing comfort over lecturing, keeping promises to children and a spouse, avoiding comparisons between a spouse and others, and being respectful of a spouse's extended family. They close by encouraging listeners to keep building their marriages on the same daily habits discussed throughout the year.

Topics discussed:

• Where prejudice and judgmental attitudes come from
• Cain and Abel, and Joseph's brothers, as biblical examples of favoritism and jealousy
• Avoiding favoritism among children
• Not pressuring a discouraged spouse; choosing comfort over lecturing
• Keeping promises made to a spouse and children
• Avoiding comparisons between a spouse and others
• Respecting a spouse's extended family
• Becky's book, "The Bright Side of Blue"

Continuing their listener-submitted list on building a rewarding marriage, Jerry and Becky dig into how the words couples choose — and the timing of them — can make or break trust at home.

The couple cover several more listener-submitted principles: not joking about a spouse's sensitive areas, not insulting a spouse in front of others, pausing before reacting in the heat of the moment, choosing words carefully, and never raising your voice in anger. They share stories from their conferences about spouses who publicly belittled each other and the lasting damage it caused, and discuss how children absorb the tone and words used at home even when parents think they aren't listening. Becky also mentions that a longtime friend, a former state governor who wrote the foreword to her book, was recently named to a high-profile diplomatic post, prompting a discussion on the value of diplomacy in marriage as much as in public life.

Topics discussed:

• Avoiding jokes at a spouse's expense
• Not insulting or correcting a spouse in front of others
• Pausing to think before responding in an argument
• The power of careful, deliberate word choice
• Never raising your voice in anger
• How children absorb the tone of their parents' conflicts
• Diplomacy as a marriage skill
• Becky's book, "The Bright Side of Blue"