After leaving a toxic relationship you may go on a rollercoaster of emotions and drama. Sadly, many use children as a tool against you this is one of many "Post-separation abuse" tactics that can be used against you. Even in situations where it is not an intimate partner. An adult child can withhold visiting with Grandparents or other family members. This adds more hurt to a volatile situation. It is also not surprising for the abuser to turn the children against you which is called "Parental Alienation". Once the abuser gets what he/she wants the children are no longer needs so they may ignore the children, become neglectful, continue to turn the kids against you. Hold strong! Make sure to keep a paper trail! Talk with your legal representation about the situation. Involve a GAL or CASA if you need someone to advocate for the children. And most importantly... Don't give up!

Someone out there needs to know they are not alone and that they can survive. Perhaps you are a parent or friend of someone trapped in an abusive relationship and need to know how to help. Message me privately for support or help. My goal is to share awareness, offer empowerment, and educate others about emotional traumas and domestic abuse.

This is the first of many episodes to come where I will share my story but also stories of courage and healing from Survivors, Coaches, to Therapists/Counselors.

You can find my books and my Journals here- https://www.amazon.com/Melinda-Kunst/e/B0788SWSB1

Find me on Facebook here- www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone

Find help and info here-

https://www.thehotline.org/

https://www.domesticshelters.org/

https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help

https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations

Sexual Assault Hotline- https://www.rainn.org/ 

National Suicide Prevention lifeline-800-273-8255

Thinking of leaving your abuser but are hesitating because you fear having no job or money? Here are a few ideas to consider starting by using the skills you probably already have or tap into things you enjoy doing.

Online seller/eBay/Amazon, etc...

Babysitting

Dog/Cat sitter or walker

Tutor- Music, Foreign language, computers

Teaching hobbies- woodworking, crochet, canning/preserve/baking

Cake Decorating

Coaches- Lifestyle, Fitness, Wellness, Mom, Financial and more

Author/Writing for magazines or websites

Social Media Managing- Photos, scheduling, reservations, emails

Virtual Assistant- Emails, Scheduling, Office

Photographer

Housework/cleaner

Lifeskill teacher

Instacart

Uber

Color stylist

Home decorator/stylist

Home staging

Crafting/Painter/Artist/Sewing/Quilter

Product testing

Computer technician/Computer upgrades/teach how to use a computer

Secret shopping

Printer- business cards/3D/T-shirts/Signs/Decorations

House painter

Home maintenance

Lawn care

Floral arranging

Event planning

DJ

Dance instructor

Youtuber

Singing/Musician/Band

Herbs

Gardener/Farmer

Collecting Scrap metal- I scored with a large amount of copper and was able to pay my rent! Scrapping allowed me to pay for groceries, bills, and more. It's not the most glamourous thing to do but you do what you have to.

Avon, Mary Kay, CBD Oil, other MLM's, and more.

Need more help with tapping into your skills? Message me privately or comment below for help.

Someone out there needs to know they are not alone and that they can survive. Perhaps you are a parent or friend of someone trapped in an abusive relationship and need to know how to help. Message me privately for support or help. My goal is to share awareness, offer empowerment, and educate others about emotional traumas and domestic abuse.

This is the first of many episodes to come where I will share my story but also stories of courage and healing from Survivors, Coaches, to Therapists/Counselors.

You can find my books and my Journals here- https://www.amazon.com/Melinda-Kunst/e/B0788SWSB1

Find me on Facebook here- www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone

Find help and info here-

https://www.thehotline.org/

https://www.domesticshelters.org/

https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help

https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations

Sexual Assault Hotline- https://www.rainn.org/ 

National Suicide Prevention lifeline-800-273-8255

I learned what Boundaries are and what they are about 3 to 5 years ago. I didn't know I could have a say in what I wanted for my life. Part of my healing journey was to learn to share my feelings, wants, and dislikes in order to keep sane. It also showed me a true light around those that didn't respect me.

Tune in for tips and suggestions to start using today. 

Someone out there needs to know they are not alone and that they can survive. Perhaps you are a parent or friend of someone trapped in an abusive relationship and need to know how to help. Message me privately for support or help. My goal is to share awareness, offer empowerment, and educate others about emotional traumas and domestic abuse.

This is the first of many episodes to come where I will share my story but also stories of courage and healing from Survivors, Coaches, to Therapists/Counselors.

You can find my books and my Journals here- https://www.amazon.com/Melinda-Kunst/e/B0788SWSB1

Find me on Facebook here- www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone

Find help and info here-

https://www.thehotline.org/

https://www.domesticshelters.org/

https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help

https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations

Sexual Assault Hotline- https://www.rainn.org/ 

National Suicide Prevention lifeline-800-273-8255

This isn't what I had in mind for a video today but I was prompted by the Spirit that I needed to share this. This is also one of my top questions asked about me. If you don't watch please read the comments for golden nuggets of truth and love. Please watch without littles around as well as I dive into a bit of my story about sex. If you don't know what swinging is here is an idea- a person who engages in group sex or the swapping of sexual partners.

Now is this something I'm proud of... Nope! I felt that I needed to share so someone else out there knows they aren't alone. I don't condone rape or abusing a child. Sex is to be consensual and not used for harming another. It can be a beautiful time to enjoy yourself with a loving partner.

If you need to talk about this or anything else message me privately.

Someone out there needs to know they are not alone and that they can survive. Perhaps you are a parent or friend of someone trapped in an abusive relationship and need to know how to help. Message me privately for support or help. My goal is to share awareness, offer empowerment, and educate others about emotional traumas and domestic abuse.

This is the first of many episodes to come where I will share my story but also stories of courage and healing from Survivors, Coaches, to Therapists/Counselors.

You can find my books and my Journals here- https://www.amazon.com/Melinda-Kunst/e/B0788SWSB1

Find me on Facebook here- www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone

Find help and info here-

https://www.thehotline.org/

https://www.domesticshelters.org/

https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help

https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations

Sexual Assault Hotline- https://www.rainn.org/ 

National Suicide Prevention lifeline-800-273-8255

First and foremost, I'm sorry you went through trial and possibly a horrific relationship. In many cases, abuse can remain unseen, such as emotional or mental abuse. These leave invisible heart wounds and scars that can be hidden. If you are trying to help a person what not to do is to tell them to get over it, or to move on, or to tell them there are other fish in the sea. This is a vulnerable time! Learning to know who you are is so important "before" jumping into a new relationship. Finding support to break addictions is so important and can be done! Remember "normal" love shouldn't make you feel helpless, weak, physically hurt, make you feel hopeless, or fearful. That is not love!  

Forgive yourself! The shame or guilt can feel like a weight around your neck but this isn't where the energy is needed. Finding forgiveness for yourself can be giving yourself grace as well as knowing none of the abuse was your fault! Know when it's time to talk to a professional. It's okay to see a counselor or even to take medication for depression or anxiety. It can be hard to swallow some pride and admit that you need help. Professionals are here to help. Find someone that works well with you. 

Create a list of positive qualities and achievements for yourself. As a victim, you may lose sight of things that are positive. Maybe you have beautiful eyes, figured out Quickbooks, how to budget, scheduling for your family, maybe you can lick your elbow, or even that you washed that pile of dishes that have been sitting around. No matter how small this counts! Reread this list anytime you feel down or upset. Tune in for more tips and ideas.

Someone out there needs to know they are not alone and that they can survive. Perhaps you are a parent or friend of someone trapped in an abusive relationship and need to know how to help. Message me privately for support or help. My goal is to share awareness, offer empowerment, and educate others about emotional traumas and domestic abuse. This is the first of many episodes to come where I will share my story but also stories of courage and healing from Survivors, Coaches, to Therapists/Counselors. 

You can find my books and my Journals here- https://www.amazon.com/Melinda-Kunst/e/B0788SWSB1 

Find me on Facebook here- www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone 

Find help and info here- https://www.thehotline.org/ 

https://www.domesticshelters.org/ 

https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help 

https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations 

Sexual Assault Hotline- https://www.rainn.org/ 

National Suicide Prevention lifeline-800-273-8255

Trauma blocking is what many survivors use to help numb the pain or sadness they are feeling after an event (or series of events). This behavior can take the form as:

* Overeating/mindless eating even if you are not hungry.

* Excessive exercising to reach a goal that you are not satisfied with.

* Staying in a toxic relationship and you know you should have left long ago.

* Compulsive shopping.

* Being a workaholic.

* Having poor boundaries so you can't say no to people or volunteering.

* Scrolling for hours on social media or getting hooked on gaming.

* Always making yourself busy even if there is nothing important to do.

What can you do to help solve this? Tune in for tips!

Someone out there needs to know they are not alone and that they can survive. Perhaps you are a parent or friend of someone trapped in an abusive relationship and need to know how to help. Message me privately for support or help. My goal is to share awareness, offer empowerment, and educate others about emotional traumas and domestic abuse.

This is the first of many episodes to come where I will share my story but also stories of courage and healing from Survivors, Coaches, to Therapists/Counselors.

You can find my books and my Journals here- https://www.amazon.com/Melinda-Kunst/e/B0788SWSB1

Find me on Facebook here- www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone

Find help and info here-

https://www.thehotline.org/

https://www.domesticshelters.org/

https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help

https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations

Sexual Assault Hotline- https://www.rainn.org/ 

National Suicide Prevention lifeline-800-273-8255

On today's "Soulful Sunday" I dive into "Healing Modalities" What are they? So come with me as I dip my toes into the "woo". These modalities can be applied to all-around health and needs and are not necessarily trauma-related.

There is also a bit of mystery and religious controversy surrounding these. Can you use these if you are Christian? Is this of God? Asking God, using prayer, and a clergy member, if these are right with doctrine, is important.

Some examples of healing modalities are:

* Energy Therapy- Reiki, Magnets, Therapeutic touch, Qi Gong.

* Biologically based healing- Herbs, Essential

You may find many more out there and I'd love to know, feel free to send me a message. 

Someone out there needs to know they are not alone and that they can survive. Perhaps you are a parent or friend of someone trapped in an abusive relationship and need to know how to help. Message me privately for support or help. My goal is to share awareness, offer empowerment, and educate others about emotional traumas and domestic abuse.

This is the first of many episodes to come where I will share my story but also stories of courage and healing from Survivors, Coaches, to Therapists/Counselors.

You can find my books and my Journals here- https://www.amazon.com/Melinda-Kunst/e/B0788SWSB1

Find me on Facebook here- www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone

Find help and info here-

https://www.thehotline.org/

https://www.domesticshelters.org/

https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help

https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations

Sexual Assault Hotline- https://www.rainn.org/ 

National Suicide Prevention lifeline-800-273-8255

Today I have my special Guest- Natasha Carlow Author and she bravely shares her story of overcoming pregnancy and miscarriage loss in her book, "Happy Tears and Rainbow Babies". Natasha wants to create a safe space where families can openly discuss issues of miscarriage, loss, faith, God, parenthood, love, friendship, and even business. My family definitely isn't perfect but each day we pick ourselves up and start again.

While pregnant with my rainbow daughter in 2015, I began wondering if and how I would tell her the story of how we got here. Would I want her to know she wasn't the first baby that I held in my heart? Would that even be an appropriate conversation for us to have one day? For months I struggled with that question and even if I did, what would that conversation sound like?

All these questions seemed to fall away the minute they placed her in my arms. As I held her, I knew that I needed to tell her the story of how we came together. She deserved to know that she had brothers and sisters and that my love for them prepared me even more to love her.

However, even though the story lived in my head since that moment,  it was not until I gave birth to my son in 2016 that I was able to put pen to paper (more accurately fingers to keyboard) and write. Happy Tears and Rainbow Babies which began simply as a love letter to my children became my very first children's book and I cannot wait to share it with everyone.

Find her here:

http://www.natashacarlow.com/

https://www.amazon.com/Happy-Rainbow-Babies-Natasha-Carlow/dp/1948604205

https://www.facebook.com/NatashaCarlowAuthor

Someone out there needs to know they are not alone and that they can survive. Perhaps you are a parent or friend of someone trapped in an abusive relationship and need to know how to help. Message me privately for support or help. My goal is to share awareness, offer empowerment, and educate others about emotional traumas and domestic abuse.

This is the first of many episodes to come where I will share my story but also stories of courage and healing from Survivors, Coaches, to Therapists/Counselors.

You can find my books and my Journals here- https://www.amazon.com/Melinda-Kunst/e/B0788SWSB1

Find me on Facebook here- www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone

Find help and info here-

https://www.thehotline.org/

https://www.domesticshelters.org/

https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help

https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations

Sexual Assault Hotline- https://www.rainn.org/ 

National Suicide Prevention lifeline-800-273-8255

A question I'm asked often is, "Will the dreams and nightmares about my ex stop?!"

You left your abuser and now your dreaming about him/her. It may feel like you are still being held captive. When do they stop? Why does it feel like I'm obsessed or have separation anxiety from this person? You are probably frustrated by this. How can you break free from these? Remind yourself that you are safe! This person can't hurt you anymore. You may feel victimized all over again subconsciously. The feelings of being unworthy, that your useless, everything is your fault, etc... You may go through nightmare spurts. One day you have them and then the next day you don't! Dreaming allows us to face our abusers head-on. We can safely explore situations we went through as scary as they may have been for you.

If you sit down and think about why you are having these dreams you may be surprised. It could be you were randomly talking about this toxic person earlier in the day with someone. You could have heard a song, saw an item, went past their house, had a message from them, are you up against a deadline, or something else that reminded you subconsciously. While you are sleeping your brain may be trying to help you or tell you something by replaying a memory or situation. Try these:

1) What unresolved hurts do you have? Those bottled-up memories can trigger a bad dream. Getting things down on paper or sharing these with a counselor/therapist/friend.

2) Change the voice of your abuser. Replaying these experiences can be terrifying for you but let's pretend you're watching a movie of memory between you and that person who hurt you. Change the voice to that person. Make it a cartoon voice or really high and squeaky. Kind of like a chipmunk. Does it make you giggle a little? Going forward every time you think of this person I want you to remember this cartoon voice even in real life. This can help you start to see this person from a different perspective. 

3) Before you go to bed begin a practice of watching or reading something positive. Don't binge a scary movie, watch the news, or consider putting down your phone. Feed your mind something good. If you have to watch a show make it light-hearted. Watch funny animal videos, listen to the Bible on YouTube, find positive affirmations or Bible verses, or record your own to play as you fall asleep. Color, go for a walk, or listen to soothing music. Find a hobby that you enjoy to get this person out of your head. Fill your mind with positives and things that make you happy and if you don't know what makes you happy now is a great time to learn. I encourage you to give yourself this time to get to know you. To better understand your reactions to a certain situation and how you can reprogram yourself to react in a way that shows you aren't going to be a victim any longer.

Someone out there needs to know they are not alone and that they can survive. Perhaps you are a parent or friend of someone trapped in an abusive relationship and need to know how to help. Message me privately for support or help. My goal is to share awareness, offer empowerment, and educate others about emotional traumas and domestic abuse.

This is the first of many episodes to come where I will share my story but also stories of courage and healing from Survivors, Coaches, to Therapists/Counselors.

You can find my books and my Journals here- https://www.amazon.com/Melinda-Kunst/e/B0788SWSB1

Find me on Facebook here- www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone

Find help and info here-

https://www.thehotline.org/

https://www.domesticshelters.org/

https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help

https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations

Sexual Assault Hotline- https://www.rainn.org/ 

National Suicide Prevention lifeline-800-273-8255

If you are thinking of sharing your story for the first time, let me tell you that I'm proud of you! How can you get started? 

I started by blogging. I shared posts on social media on my page and soon after I received messages from friends that were supportive and much to my surprise a handful admitted they were or had been in an abusive relationship. There were also those that shared someone close to them who was going through a tough time and would I talk with them? I didn't feel like I had it all together or all the answers to help someone else. I considered waiting to talk with people until I was healed or maybe even licensed as something. After I published my story I started to do the leg work of marketing myself, reaching out to local libraries, coffee shops, podcasts, and newspapers to share my story. I encourage you to decide how big you want to go when you share.

*Do you wish to tell a few trusted friends or get on TV or radio?

* What places that are local can you share?

* Are there organizations that you can speak to?

*  What podcasts or blogs do you like to ask if you can be interviewed as a guest?

*Look for FB groups that specialize in your area and ask the page owner/admin if you can share by a post, video, or interview.

* Or maybe you wish to share with loved ones close to you that had no idea about your secret, or what you experienced. Don't be surprised if those close to you don't support or believe you. Prepare yourself for questions or even a backlash. Some people aren't ready to hear the truth.

* If you are sharing as an interview or speaker ask how much time do you have to speak?

* If this is as a podcast or "Live" video interview ask what platform are they using and will there be a dry run prior to the meeting so you can make sure there are no technical difficulties or maybe they are using something that you don't have downloaded and you don't want to keep a host waiting while you do so!

* Will there be questions or a script the host will ask you if so can you know what they will be asking in advance? This can help you prepare and give you an idea of how deep they wish to go. 

* Give yourself a break! Do something for you to relax afterward no matter how you choose to share. This can bring out a range of emotions that you thought you had healed or it may trigger a panic attack. Go for a walk, meditate, talk to a friend, ground yourself, watch or read something funny. Remember this, be gentle with yourself. No matter how you choose to share this is a beautiful gift you are giving someone and yourself. 

Someone out there needs to know they are not alone and that they can survive. Perhaps you are a parent or friend of someone trapped in an abusive relationship and need to know how to help. Message me privately for support or help. My goal is to share awareness, offer empowerment, and educate others about emotional traumas and domestic abuse.

This is the first of many episodes to come where I will share my story but also stories of courage and healing from Survivors, Coaches, to Therapists/Counselors.

You can find my books and my Journals here- https://www.amazon.com/Melinda-Kunst/e/B0788SWSB1

Find me on Facebook here- www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone

Find help and info here-

https://www.thehotline.org/

https://www.domesticshelters.org/

https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help

https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations

Sexual Assault Hotline- https://www.rainn.org/ 

National Suicide Prevention lifeline-800-273-8255