Hops and Box Office Flops

Major League II is not a terrible movie. It certainly is a derivative one, though. It never really has its own story to tell. The plucky and charismatic underdogs from the first film return, mostly, but their journey here has nothing to say. They stink, and it’s up to Jake Taylor—in a managerial role this time—to figure out why.

For a team that is only a year removed from advancing to the American League Championship Series (ALCS), their struggles never feel earned. And the fact that their greatest tribulation—a loss to their new rival, the Chicago White Sox, in the ALCS—occurs offscreen only cheapens that lack of authenticity. There was a spirit to the first film. An energy. You pull for that team because they are expected to lose. It’s much harder to rally behind a group that is expected to win.

The similarities between this team’s plight and that of the first is inherently an underlying issue with sports sequels. They inevitably have to overcome the same circumstances that plagued them the first time. Sure, there is some fun to be found—the intense samurai spirit infused by Japanese acquisition Isuro Tanaka, the delightfully over-the-top trailer for Willie Mays Hayes’ action extravaganza Black Hammer & White Lighting, and a sheepish Roger Dorn moonlighting as a utility player/GM; it’s just too often lost amongst the haze of a tired script, overwrought with clichés and recycled humor.

I mean, there’s a reason that we’re covering this one, while its predecessor is making a much overdo appearance on The Rewatchables, so sit back, grab a double shot of Jobu’s special rum, and enjoy as I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), and the Irate Lover (who happens to love this movie) take you to the wonderous sites of Cleveland—city of light, city of magic—for the dismal second season to what had been the perfect Cinderella story.

This Week's Segments:

• Introduction – Our general reaction to the film and lingering questions we have. (00:00)

• In addition, I’ve assembled four other famous instances of actors stepping into a role for the sequel to a hit movie.

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter (@HopsandBOFlops) to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

In 1995, a revamped and reformatted Batman made his comeback to the big screen in Batman Forever, a film that presented a stark contrast to the grim Gotham of Tim Burton’s Batman and Batman Returns. It was a campier—and certainly more kid friendly—take on the “Caped Crusader.” That, in and of itself, means almost nothing. What mattered was the movie was a huge hit, grossing over $184 million at the domestic box office and besting the diminishing profits of Returns. Thus, the natural course was to green light a sequel and fast.

Batman & Robin was set for release just two years (nearly to the day) after Forever, a tall order considering the size and scope of a typical summer blockbuster. Joel Schumacher—who’d helmed its predecessor—would again direct. Shockingly, despite the truncated production time, it filmed without a hitch. There weren’t problems behind-the-scenes, but upon release, they were very apparent ones on the screen. Instead of harnessing what worked about Forever—however little that actually was—the filmmakers opted to double down on the camp, skimp on the importance of plot, and jam the film with frivolous closeups of bat gadgets and body parts. Like Mr. Freeze himself, the heart of this movie is just a cold lump, staggering its way through a runtime that—even at just two hours—feels bloated.

Alas, this diatribe is more than reflective waxing. Batman & Robin bombed. Cinema goers were not interested in its dogged insistence to sell them toys. As a result—in addition to its infamous place in Batman lore—it’s the lowest grossing live action Batman movie to date, garnering just $107 million at the domestic box office and floundering just as much worldwide (it only made $238 million, almost $100 million less than Forever).

Yet, knowing all of this, it’s still something you must see. It’s the Titanic drifting toward the iceberg. You know it’s going to be bad, but you can’t look away. Why deny yourself the pleasure of watching it with wide-eyed bewilderment? As Mr. Freeze once so eloquently said, “Chill” — sit back, grab an icy, cold beer, and enjoy as I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), and the Irate Lover don our rubber bat nipples and soldier headlong into the blizzard of bad puns.

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter (@HopsandBOFlops) to check out all the interesting Bat-nuggets from this week’s episode!

From 2003 to 2011, the action world mourned. The King—Conan, John Matrix, the T-800—had officially relinquished his crown. The fabled Terminator had transitioned to Governator. Instead of hunting down Sarah Connor with no remorse or reservations, he was balancing budgets and removing soda pop from school vending machines.

In the halls of my house, those were dark days. A cinema landscape sans-the hulking presence of Arnold Schwarzenegger was not one I wanted to experience. But then, he returned. His term was up; it was time to come home—to return to the industry that had made him such an American Dream success story. His big comeback vehicle: The Last Stand, a homage to old school westerns that featured Arnold as a grizzled sheriff who’d do anything to protect his turf. On paper, it looked like a can’t miss equation. Arnold, an escaped cartel boss, a showdown with longs odds in the middle of a desert town, and bullets by the dozen: What’s not to love?

Sadly, though, things had changed in his years as a public servant. The action movies of yore had given way to a new breed of spectacle. Super Heroes were the champions of the day. *Movies rife with computer generated effects lorded over those that brought a more grounded, gritty feel. The once iconic, muscle-bound everyman couldn't hold a candle to the fantastical feats of those with powers that defied imagination.

Thus, with Arnold set to appear in his first starring role in 10 years (since Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines), the chips had been stacked against him, and it was an obstacle he could not overcome. Despite having historically survived shootouts and throwdowns where the odds were almost never in his favor, he could not best the shifting dynamics of the box office. The Last Stand, decently reviewed and a hell of a good time at the theater, was a bomb. My heart still weeps.

Regardless, it’s a film I recommend with enthusiasm, so sit back, grab a beer, and enjoy as I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), and the Irate Lover take you to the sleepy streets of Sommerton Junction, a place where you best not mess with the sheriff!

As always be sure to check our Twitter (@HopsandBOFlops) for notes from the show—trailers, factoids, and other fun links. 

*This is a theme we also explored when Jurassic Park devoured Last Action Hero at the box office. Listen to that episode.

Every March, there is a basketball tournament that I never watch. To celebrate said tournament, I—the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK)—and a special guest co-host filled out i09's Best Sci-Fi/Fantasy film of the last decade bracket. Going matchup by matchup, we broke down who we chose and why, eventually crowning an overall winner per region.

In this episode—the second of two—we discussed the right side of the bracket (the number one seeds were Arrival and Attack the Block). We also dove into the Final Four and crowned an overall champion. 

Unlike the other half of the bracket, this side saw some real deviation in our picks.

As always, hit us up on Twitter (@HopsandBOFlops) to tell us why you agreed/disagreed with our choices or to even just continue the debate!

This special, and impromptu, two-parter was one wild ride!

• Listen to Part One

Every March, there is a basketball tournament that I never watch. To celebrate said tournament, I—the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK)—and a special guest co-host filled out i09's Best Sci-Fi/Fantasy film of the last decade bracket. Going matchup by matchup, we broke down who we chose and why, eventually crowning an overall winner per region.

In this episode—the first of two—we discussed the left side of the bracket (the number one seeds were Mad Max: Fury Road and Edge of Tomorrow). 

Upsets—dark horses emerging from nowhere—were abound and no seed—high or not—was truly safe. We encourage you to fill out a bracket of your own to see how your selections compare to ours. And, as always, hit us up on Twitter (@HopsandBOFlops) to tell us why you agreed/disagreed with our choices or to even just continue the debate!

This special, and impromptu, two-parter was one wild ride!

• Listen to Part Two