Hops and Box Office Flops

Equilibrium centers on post-World War III society, Libria, where emotions have been outlawed. Daily, citizens must take scheduled injections of Prozium II to ensure they don't begin to feel. Violators are handled with prejudice.

If that sounds familiar, it should. Equilibrium, despite a few nifty action scenes, is highly derivative of better dystopian fiction. One of its few innovations—enforcement agents trained in the art of gun kata known as the Grammaton Clerics—are just wannabe Neo clones. Oh, and as you'll hear on the pod, gun kata is really goddamn stupid.

A backyard creation of Equilibrium's director, Kurt Wimmer, gun kata is the equivalent of the old Star Wars kid YouTube video. As in, it may have looked cool in his head, but he probably should've thought better than to film people doing it.

Now, sit back, curb your emotions with a Third Eye PA from Third Eye Brewing, and don't forget your morning dose! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, and Chumpzilla are ridding the world of contraband, one Da Vinci painting at a time!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction/Plot Breakdown – In a future where freedom is outlawed, outlaws will become heroes! (0:00)

And, as always, hit us up on Threads, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on all your favorite pod catchers!

The Running Man, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, resembles the Richard Bachman (Stephen King) novel it was based on in name only. Naturally, since its lead is the "Austrian Oak," it is a testosterone-fueled action movie with a light sprinkling of dystopian allegories.

That said, it crushes both of those elements. Certainly, The Running Man's dire warnings may feel satirical, but viewed through a contemporary lens, they are wildly prescient. Deep fake technology, live executions being fed to the masses in the form of a game show, and an America run by corporate greed are not just plausible, we're living through most of it.

In the 1980s, when the country was high on Reaganomics, The Running Man's themes sadly failed to resonate with audiences. On a budget of nearly $30 million, it grossed just north of $38 million. That, unlike Cadre Cola, does not hit the spot.

Now, sit back, get energized with a Hazing Arizona from Walter Station Brewery, and let's start running! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla love this saw. It's a part of us, and now we're gonna make it a part of you!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction/Plot Breakdown – The year is 2019. The finest men in America don't run for President. They run for their lives! (0:00)

And, as always, hit us up on Threads, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on all your favorite pod catchers!

When it was released in 1982, few could've predicted Blade Runner would become the cultural landmark that it did.

Sure, it was well reviewed at the time and remains so, but it was generally slept on by audiences. Time has only seen the appreciation for it grow.

Its cult status is well deserved. Blade Runner is a masterpiece of the genre—a truly seminal science fiction film. Buoyed by Rutger Hauer's masterful performance as replicant Roy Batty, it is a film that engrosses you in its post-apocalyptic world.

And, like all essential science fiction, it poses important questions about what makes us human. If you haven't seen it, there is no better time than the present.

Now, sit back, dull your guilt with a Tsingtao, and don't question the impending end of your existence! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are "retiring"replicants who dare question their masters!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Man has made his match. Now, it's his problem! (0:00)

And, as always, hit us up on Threads, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Jury Duty was one of the last gasps in the fading stardom of Pauly Shore. Son of the legendary Mitzi Shore, Pauly was briefly—and inexplicably—a Hollywood thing in the 90s.

With his dopey, laissez-faire  chic, he headlined a string of movies, most of which weren’t very good. Jury Duty falls into the unfortunate section of his filmography. A riff on 12 Angry Men, the movie centers on one dipshit juror, who refuses to render a verdict because the $5 they’re making per day is too sweet a deal.

As one could imagine, flat jokes, racist impressions, a romantic subplot, and our moronic lead actually doing the right thing all follow. It’s obnoxious, unfunny, off putting, and seems far longer than 87 minutes.

Hence why critics and audiences found Jury Duty guilty on all charges, sentencing it to 0% on Rotten Tomatoes and purchasing far less tickets than the movie cost to make.

Now, sit back drown out the annoyance of Pauly Shore's voice with a Harpoon IPA, and never bet against Peanut's Jeopardy skills! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, and Chumpzilla are sharing a burrito with Judge Ito!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction/Plot Breakdown – For truth. For justice. For five bucks a day! (0:00)

And, as always, hit us up on Threads, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Nothing But Trouble is so bizarre that it's hard to believe it exists. The brain child of Dan Aykroyd, it is a menagerie of his wildest ideas and characters.

And, since he wrote, directed, and produced it, there was nobody on set with enough clout to have him rein it in a little. Ghostbusters this is not.

Despite that, Aykroyd should be commended for going all in on his ideas. When your film involves a prosthetic nose shaped like the tip of a penis and two ghastly looking grown men covered in crud and oil and wearing diapers, it's clear you've committed to the bit.

Nothing But Trouble is a singular vision. Whether you think it works or not—more than likely not—is up to you. Critics, for their part, hated it, sentencing it to 15% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Audiences were apparently also baffled by it. Nothing But Trouble is one of the largest box office flops of all time. It grossed less than $9 million on a budget of $45 million.

Hey, hey, ha! Ho ha! Heh heh heh heh! Hoola, Hoola, Hoola! The Boola Boola Boola! Look who's got the front seats to the Mexican hat dance now!

Now, sit back, tour Judge Alvin "JP" Valkenheiser's house of horrors with a King Crispy Pilsner from Deschutes Brewing, and get yourself up a couple of dogs! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, and Chumpzilla are riding the harrowing rails of Mr. Bone Stripper!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction/Plot Breakdown – All they wanted was a little getaway. All they got was nothing but trouble! (0:00)

And, as always, hit us up on Threads, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

In Find Me Guilty, Vin Diesel stars as "Fat" Jackie DiNorscio, one of several defendants in a federal racketeering trial. That trial was the longest Mafia trial in American history. That conceit is interesting in and of itself, but the fact that DiNorscio served as his own attorney really puts it over the top.

Using original court transcripts throughout, DiNorscio makes for a compelling movie character. And Diesel's portrayal of him is some of his finest work on film.

DiNorscio is charming and funny. His counterpart, Sean Kierney (in reality, Samuel Alito) played by  Linus Roache is the opposite. He's a brash, cocky prick that you really want DiNorscio to stick it to. Yes, the mobsters are the bad guys, but they are not bad guys.

The penultimate film of the great Sidney Lumet, it's a shame that Find Me Guilty didn't find a wider audience at the time of its release. Buy, hey, it's free to stream now, so what are you waiting for?

So, sit back, overrule any objections you have with a Tropical High Hazy IPA from Sweetwater Brewing, and don't rat! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, and Chumpzilla aren't gangsters. We're gagsters!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Sometimes the best defense. . . is a wiseguy! (00:00)

And, as always, hit us up on Threads, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Gotti is the dramatic retelling of the rise and fall of one time New York Mafia kingpin John J. Gotti. Historically, mob stories have been excellent cinematic fodder. That is not the case here.

Produced by Junior Gotti, the son of the late head of the Gambino Crime Family, this film lacks a compelling narrative. And since it is told non-linearly, most of the proceedings are a jumbled mess.

Thus, for those unfamiliar with Gotti's journey to power and subsequent arrests, it is quite hard to follow.

Gotti is severely lacking in context, a fact driven home by its series of random conversations between the titular ne'er do well and his various associates. Those involved surely knew they had a stinker on their hands, making their decision to premiere it at the Cannes Film Festival all the more baffling.

Now, sit back, swear your allegiance to the pod by spilling a Breaking Bud IPA from Knee Deep Brewing Co., and search for those wiretaps! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, and Chumpzilla are tampering with juries and earning our stripes in the streets!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction/Plot Breakdown – He showed the world who's boss! (00:00)

And, as always, hit us up on Threads, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Land of the Lost is the second reboot of a niche TV show from the 70s. With a far bigger budget and a cast of comedy all-stars—including Will Ferrell and Danny McBride—one would think the big screen version would elevate the odd source material.

Alas, it could not. Land of the Lost is an unfunny slog through a pseudo prehistoric parallel dimension. It is one filled with a vengeful T-Rex, horny lizard-like aliens, and a deluge of assorted, rifted junk.

Sandwiched in between all of that is a string of forced jokes, and Will Ferrell lazily attempting to play the hits and hallmarks of his career.

It's no wonder that critics lambasted it. Land of the Lost sits at 26% on Rotten Tomatoes. Audiences also chose to leave it stranded somewhere in time. It earned just $68.8 million worldwide. For lack of a better word, its box office fortunes were extinct.

Now, sit back, mask your scent with a Monarch Juicy IPA from High Grain Brewing Co., and find the tachyon amplifier! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, and Chumpzilla are locating a portal between worlds in the Devil's Canyon Mystery Cave!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Experience a new dimension in adventure! (00:00)

And, as always, hit us up on Threads, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Waterworld was Kevin Costner’s massive swing at post-apocalyptic adventure. As the film’s gruff lead, the Mariner, Costner is essentially just a seafaring Mad Max, wandering the oceanic wasteland trying to survive.

If that sounds cool, then you’ll probably love it. And for the most part, it is pretty damn awesome. What made Waterworld such an easy target for critics and the public was its massive budget and oft rumored issues during production.

The budget did balloon and was indeed sizable. The rumors of on-set discord are more than likely true, but they shouldn’t detract from the film itself. Waterworld took an impossible premise and somehow made most of its ideas float.

Thus, despite earning just $264.2 million worldwide on an all-in budget of $235 million, it was hardly the catastrophe most made it out to be.

Plus, you get Dennis Hopper with an eye-patch, mutant sharks, a rad trimaran, jet ski fights, and a fish-man mutant as the hero! What’s not to love?

Now, sit back, purify your urine with a Big Wave from Kona, and remember: It's never to early to start smoking! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are scouring the bottom of the ocean for fresh dirt to trade!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Beyond the horizon lies the secret to a new beginning! (00:00)

And, as always, hit us up on Threads, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins is based on The Destroyer series of pulp novels. Clearly inspired by James Bond, the character takes an American spin on the cloak and dagger antics of black ops.

Unlike Agent 007, though, Remo Williams—at least in his big screen incarnation—is not the most compelling character. And by modern sensibilities, it doesn't help that his trainer—an elderly Korean marital arts master named Chiun—is an assemblage of racist tropes. Oh, lest I forget, he's played by a white actor in bad makeup. Cue the wide eyes emoji.

Thus, despite being helmed by 60s/70s Bond staple Guy Hamilton, Remo Williams fails to capture the charm of those cinematic escapades. And on a budget of $40 million—which was quite high for 1985—it grossed just $14.4 million.

Cinematic universes are not born with those type of receipts.

Now, sit back, toast to your new identity with a Backyard Explorer IPA from Pizza Port Brewing Co., and remember to breathe! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, and Chumpzilla are enforcing the 11th Commandment, "Thou shalt not get away with it"!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction/Plot Breakdown – It's going to take a dead man to save the country...from a death merchant's dream of destruction! (00:00)

And, as always, hit us up on Threads, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!