Horror Weekly

We’ve got an eclectic mix this week. We’ll start off with the Korean ghost-curse tale, “Exhuma,” and follow that up with the ghostly “Chateau.” Then we’ll drop the ghosts and meet some serial killers in “The Mouse Trap” and “#AMFAD All My Friends Are Dead.” We’ll then go all retro and see what might have happened back in the year 2000 with “Y2K.”

And, of course, we have more excellent short films for you!

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Mainstream Films:

2024 Exhuma

· Directed by Jang Jae-hyun

· Written by Jang Jae-hyun

· Stars Choi Min-sik, Kim Go-eun, Lee Do-hyun

· Run Time: 2 Hours, 14 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is long, but it didn’t seem like it. At several points, it seems like things are going to wrap up, then something else happens. It’s set in a world where everyone, at least everyone in this movie, just accepts that the rituals, ghosts, demons, and so forth are real. So we’re pulled along with them easily as all this stuff happens. We liked it quite a bit.

Spoilery Synopsis

Lee and her male colleague arrive in America to talk to an extremely rich real-estate investor. They stop at the hospital and she whistles at a baby. The baby was born with some kind of illness, and these two have come to do a Korean folk remedy to cure the child. She says the baby’s father and grandfather probably suffer from the same affliction.

Lee explains that she’s a shaman. Park, her client, explains his family situation; his brother killed himself. She senses that the shadow of Park’s grandfather is hanging around the estate. One of his ancestors is complaining about the discomfort he’s experiencing in the grave.

They dig up the recently-deceased grandmother’s coffin. It’s still dry, and the bones look fine. There are some metal objects inside, and that causes discomfort for the dead. They lay the skeleton out on a white cloth, and the older man says she’s missing her dentures. Who has them? One of the little boys fessed up that he took them.

The old man, Kim, explains that he’s a geomancer, who is a feng shui expert. Lee and her assistant stop by to talk. She explains about the family’s spiritual affliction. All of them laugh about the client’s money and how much he’s paying.

Mr. Park wants to dig up his grandfather’s grave, as it’s been nearly a hundred years. He doesn’t want the coffin opened before the cremation, and Kim doesn’t like that. The whole group drives way up into the mountains and walks through the woods to the unmarked gravesite. There are foxes everywhere.

Kim tastes the dirt and looks out at the view from the mountaintop. The site was recommended by a famous monk of the time, Gisune. Kim quits and walks away; he wants nothing to do with this. This is a grave that shouldn’t be meddled with. “If we mess with a grave like this, everyone, from the Geomancer on down to the laborers, will die one by one!”

Back in the city, Park talks about his sick son. Kim thinks Park is hiding something, but he begs Kim to save his son. Kim says that crazy old monk has some kind of secret purpose in choosing that site. Lee suggests doing a purification ritual simultaneously with moving the grave.

The ritual is quite involved, with five workers and five dead pigs; it’s all very scientific. There are drums, knives, and dancing. It goes on and on as the workers dig up the grave.

The coffin is made of Juniper wood, something usually only used by Royals. They load it into the Hearse and head for the crematorium. One of the workers kills a snake, which screams. Suddenly, the weather changes, and it starts to rain; the grave has been disrespected. Kim tells Park that they can’t cremate the body on a rainy day, cause that would be bad.

Park and his mother talk, and it’s clear that they haven’t told Kim the whole truth. They put the coffin in the hospital’s morgue to wait for the rain to end.

Kim goes to a temple near the gravesite, and it’s been there for more than a hundred years. It was founded by Gisune, and there are rumors about him; there might be a treasure buried in that grave. People have tried to rob the grave in the past, and all have failed.

Meanwhile, back at the hospital, the mortician’s assistant tries to open the coffin, and something gets out. Lee walks in and passes out as the spirit passes her. She’s admitted to the hospital; she knows what happened.

At the Park house, Park's father opens up the door to let the spirit inside. The spirit wants some revenge, and kills the old man. Lee and Kim talk about possible ways to banish the spirit. She starts the ritual and summons the spirit. He wants to take his family with him to the grave.

Kim tells Park that the coffin has been opened. It’s too late, as the spirit is already there and possesses him. When Kim and Lee arrive, Park vomits blood and talks about being an old-time Japanese soldier. He then breaks his own neck.

Kim warns that the baby, way over in the USA, is the next one in danger. Kim gets Grandma Park to approve an immediate cremation of the coffin. The spirit stands over the baby, ready to kill, but as the coffin burns, he fades away.

Crisis averted/problem solved. Right?

Kim goes to see the worker who killed that snake, and he’s in bad shape. He cries tears of blood. He goes back to the gravesite and finds… another coffin that was under the first one, this time, standing up vertically. Mr. Go, the mortician, arrives with Lee and her helper to dig it up. This one is wrapped with barbed wire. Lee wants to leave it alone, but Kim insists they do something with it. When they exhume it completely, all the foxes run away.

They drive the coffin to the nearby temple and surround it with rice. Grandma Park arrives and says she doesn’t know a thing about a second coffin. Her father was famous for selling out the country; he was a traitor, not even Korean. They all go inside for some noodles, leaving the coffin alone; they’ll burn it when the sun rises.

Weird things happen, and then they go out to find the coffin has burst open. A giant creature talks to Lee, and she convinces him that she’s his subordinate. This one isn’t a spirit, it’s some kind of nine-foot tall undead warrior. As the sun comes up, it bursts into flames. Afterwards, everyone goes to the hospital.

Lee’s helper, Bong-gil, is badly injured. She says that thing had a shadow and left footprints. “It’s something that should never have existed in this country.” Lee finds out that Bong-gil is possessed by the bad thing. “My Master killed 10,000 people and became a divine entity.”

Meanwhile, Old Mr. is back digging at the gravesite again. He finds… another body, this time without a coffin. There was a terrible war criminal general buried there, and the local monks buried Mr. Park on top of him to throw off grave robbers. The “demon” is only there to protect an iron stake.

Lee says they cannot get rid of a Japanese ghost. Kim, Lee, and Go return to the grave and spread out live fish to lure in the spirit. As night falls, a hand reaches up and takes the fish. In the hospital Bong-gil starts chewing.

As Lee talks to the monster in Japanese, Go and Kin find the hole it crawled out of. They dig desperately, but they can’t find the iron stake that binds the creature to this area. The demon says he’s been there for more than five hundred years, and now he wants Kim’s liver. Lee pours horses’ blood on the demon, and that burns him.

They all figure out that there is no iron stake. He’s bound to all five elements of that area. They use the five elements against the creature and defeat him. They rush Kim to the hospital, but he’s in very bad shape.

Back in the hospital, Bong-gil wakes up. So does Kim. Everyone goes back to their normal lives– but nothing is going to be normal for them now.

Kim’s granddaughter gets married, and all the characters attend.

Brian’s Commentary

Korean folk rituals are even weirder than ours! Who knew feng shui was more than choosing the right style of furniture?

The interesting thing about this one is all the (supposedly authentic) Korean rituals that accompany the plot. None of the characters ever doubt that the ghosts are real which speeds along the plot, not that it’s a short film.

Due to the weird alienness of the plot, we had no idea what was going to happen, which was fun. It looked like it was wrapping up three different times, but no, it just kept piling on the trouble.

It’s really long, but it’s got lots of interesting bits.

Kevin’s Commentary

This was surprisingly complex and multi-layered. I kept thinking it was about done, then something else would happen. It’s one that you have to pay attention to, to interpret the foreign aspects and read the subtitles. I really enjoyed it.

2024 Chateau

· Directed by Luke Genton

· Written by Luke Genton

· Stars Cathy Marks, Colton Tran, Rachel Alig

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 23 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s an influencer/found footage kind of movie that takes quite a while to get to the horror. Once it does, it’s just okay. A ghost story in an ancient place mixed with modern technology. Not a bad story, but not a lot of surprises.

Spoilery Synopsis

James records an audition, but has too many interruptions as credits roll. Lila calls about the funeral, hoping that James would come, but she can’t. They talk about her “trying to be an influencer.” They’re sisters, and their mother just died. James hated her mother.

James gets a booking and goes to Paris for a few months. She lives with a guy named Dash. Her video gets 62 views, so she’s not much of an influencer. Her new job is cleaning up a “murder castle,” which might be her ticket to more views. Dash gives her a pointy, dangerous-looking keychain that we know we’re going to see again later.

We cut to video clips from elsewhere that describe the castle. We see Vincent Price in “House on Haunted Hill” as well as a documentary and a true-crime podcast. The police have never found any bodies but everyone knows the place is haunted.

James goes to interview the former gardener, Fleur, and she’s eager to talk. Fleur tells about her ghostly encounter with a murder victim there. She seems a little unhinged and warns James not to become a lost soul.

As she goes in the gate to the chateau, the creepiest homeless guy ever begs for change. The chateau is huge. The woman who shows her around asks if she has any local friends or family. The woman mentions that there’s a landline in the attic if she needs it.

James records her show, and she explains her camera and all the equipment that she’s using. She goes outside and sees a treehouse and a greenhouse; we get an idea of the place. She also sees a strange shadow.

Next, she tries to contact the spirits (anything other than doing her cleaning job). She definitely hears someone else inside the house, and the front door is wide open. Then she sees terrifying feet and runs out to her car without the keys. She runs through the woods Blair-Witch-Style. Oh, no, this is all fake. She got Dash to wear a mask and help fake the spooks. We see that he’s been with her all along.

The two laugh about what they’ve been up to, but then Dash sees something else, and it’s absolutely not James. They continue to conspire about how to make their video even better. They walk around the house talking to the house and then play back the recording– nothing.

It’s late, and Dash leaves to go home with the car. She’s a little freaked out about staying overnight there alone, but she pretends otherwise.

James hears the phone up in the attic ringing. She goes up and answers the antique phone. It’s James’s dead mother calling. Outside, someone kills Dash.

We flash back to James and Lila dealing with their impatient, annoying mother.

Morning comes, and James sees a strange dog in the house, but only for a moment. She actually starts doing some cleaning. She finishes, goes out for a walk, and finds Dash’s abandoned car with no keys. She assumes Dash is playing a prank.

She meets a woman who says she’s looking for her dog and they go inside to look for it. James sees some weirdness as they look. The woman and the dog are ghosts, and they disappear.

The owner doesn’t return, and Ash is still AWOL, so James is essentially stuck there. She gets another scare, and then a guy named Reggie comes to the door to talk about the ghosts; he’s one of them. James thinks he’s pranking her, but he’s not.

Slowly, James starts to think the ghosts are real, but she’s afraid to go back to the attic to use the phone. She sees several more ghosts, including her dead mother, in the act of killing herself.

She finally runs into Dash’s ghost, who warns her that the house is trying to trick her.

Suddenly, the door opens, and the owner comes in. James needs to stay for her paycheck and to do an interview for James. The woman knows all about the ghosts, “I put some of them here. I killed them.” The coffee that James drank is drugged.

“The house demands human sacrifices. We don’t know why, it just does.” She goes through the list of ghosts we’ve seen, and she’s got a story for each of them. The woman ties up James’s hands and then chases her around the house.

James finds Dash’s keys with the ultraviolet Eiffel Tower and uses it to cut the woman’s throat. The ghosts wanted the woman to confess, the ghost of Dash explains before he vanishes. James plays the final voicemail from her dead mother, and the old woman apologizes and says goodbye.

James calls the police and goes back downstairs to find the dead woman’s body gone. “The house swallowed them all.”

Brian’s Commentary

We watched forty minutes of fake YouTubers being fake and manipulative before anything actually happened. I assume we’re supposed to care about James, but after all the fakeness of the first bit, it’s hard to like her or take her at all seriously.

There are lots of jump scares; some are good and some are cheap tricks. The ending does tie everything up, although there really wasn’t much of a twist or surprise.

It’s fine if you like ghost stories set in the modern day. Nothing special, but decent if you’re into these.

Kevin’s Commentary

It took a long time to get to the horror stuff, and when it did it was just okay. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t feel too invested with James. It was middling, a 6 out of 10, but I was entertained overall.

2024 #AMFAD: All My Friends Are Dead

· Directed by Marcus Dunstan

· Written by Josh Sims, Jessica Sarah Flaum, John Baldecchi

· Stars Jade Pettyjohn, JoJo Siwa, Jenniger Ends

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 36 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The seven deadly sins are very deadly in this set up where we wonder who the killer is and gradually figure out why. It’s got some mystery elements, a little dark humor, and plenty of gore. It had enough different things going on to be quite interesting. We were entertained.

Spoilery Synopsis

We see news reports about seven college students being murdered at a music festival. They’re arranged as the Seven Deadly Sins. The crime leads to a popular podcast series, horror film, and even a TV series. Twenty years later, the music festival returns– but the killer is still at large.

Colette narrates the trauma of being betrayed by a friend who then kills herself.

Two years later, Karmapalooza is the big thing on social media. We see various stereotypical horror movie characters in flashes. Sarah is one of them, and she’s Colette’s friend. Liv shows up, and the pair plan to go to the festival. They pick up Will, Guy, and L.B.. Aaron works at the food store, so he has to work, but he might come later. Mona shows up, and she’s a self-absorbed influencer.

Rick, Mona’s agent, calls, and he likes Liv and Sarah. Suddenly, the tire blows and they stop the van. A cop stops, and everyone scrambles to hide their drugs. L.B. hides his coke up his butt, but Guy is fine with his huge bag of weed. The cop explains that they’ll need a place to stay tonight, since the repair might take some time. The whole group piles into the police car and heads to the only B&B available in the area.

Inside, they find Seven Deadly Sins shot glasses, and there’s something on TV about the Sins as well. They all discuss which character gets which sin-glass. Sarah gets the last glass, Wrath. Someone is watching the whole thing on their camera. Credits FINALLY roll (20 minutes in) as we hear a voiceover about the Seven Deadly Sins… again.

Mona and Sarah talk about old friends, and Sarah is evasive about her high school social life. The group live streams themselves doing coke, pills, and more, filming filming the whole time. Mona tries to teach Liv how to trend on the socials.

Guy decides to go to a music show on his own tonight and leaves. He’s extremely high and hallucinates a talking squirrel. Then someone Tases him from behind and he wakes up, wearing a pig nose, to see the word “Gluttony” in the mirror. The bad guy plugs in a hose, and Guy’s stomach gets bigger and bigger until it explodes. The villain fills the Gluttony shot glass with his blood.

Back at the house, Mona and L.B. go upstairs for sex, with the camera on, of course. The killer comes into the room, sees the camera, and backs off. Mona senses someone in the room and calls the others. They get a group chat from…. Colette. “You’ll all pay for that.” Will explains that Collette knew most of them back in college. She got between Mona and L.B. and after a fight Colette killed herself. They all argue over whether or not it was really a suicide.

Liv gets angry and storms out. Liv tells Sarah that Mona was playing with Colette and turned on her at the last minute. Liv leaves to go meet a guy online, and she gets grabbed. She wakes chained up in a bathtub with a big bucket marked “Greed” over her head. Sarah and L.B. watch the whole thing on the phone. The bucket dumps acid all over Liv and she quickly dies. Sarah calls Aaron for a ride to the concert, and he says he’ll come.

Everyone seems to forget that there was actual video of a stalker being inside the house, and whatever they saw of Liv’s death is all instantly forgotten. L.B. goes upstairs for sex, and he gets thoroughly slashed.

Aaron shows up and finds L.B.'s blood everywhere, but no body. The group hears laughing in the previously-locked basement and go down to investigate. It’s a re-creation of “The Shack” the place they all used to hang out and where Colette died. There’s video playing of six people standing in front of the fire that burned the place down.

Sarah, who wasn’t there, wants to know the whole story. Mona admits they found Colette’s body, and then they burned the place down to cover it up. They all blame each other. They find the seven shot glasses again, this time, along with photos of all of them.

Then they find a big room with elaborate displays of the remains of the previous victims. Suddenly, Will gets an axe in the back and becomes “Sloth.”

Sarah, Mona, and Aaron run from the killer through the neon-lit basement maze, but the killer is really well prepared. The girls end up using Aaron as a human shield, which goes badly for him. Mona pulls the knife out of Aaron and stabs the killer, but it barely slows him down. The killer is unmasked, and it’s Officer Shaw, the cop who brought them there.

Mona and Shaw fight until Sarah cuts Mona’s throat. She lives long enough to see the whole explanation. Shaw saw Sarah and stopped her from killing herself over depression about Colette. Shaw says the Seven Deadly Sins thing was inspired by an old case that’s still unsolved. Sarah and Colette were lovers until Mona wrecked that. Mona dies as we see how this was all set up.

Sarah takes one last look at her “museum” and then calls 911 in a panic. Soon, the police are everywhere, including Shaw, in uniform. Detective Daniels says it looks just like that old case from 2003. It could be the same guy or maybe a copycat.

Shaw asks Sarah about who took that video of the six friends years ago. Sarah went to the cabin expecting to kill Mona and killed Colette accidentally.

Inside, the detective finds L.B.’s video, and he recognizes Shaw’s tattoo on the murderer. He runs outside and shoots Shaw.

We then watch news footage that there have been seven dead students, and that it’s all happened again.

Sarah sits in the back of an ambulance and gets a call from Mona’s agent, Rick. “You’re a survivor! Do you realize you already have a million followers?” Then she gets a call from someone– the original SDSK serial killer. “Everyone you know is dead.”

Brian’s Commentary

The film subtly mentions the Seven Deadly Sins about nineteen times before the credits even roll, so we made a wild guess that they would affect the plot somehow. The seven characters are all one-dimensional stereotypes anyway, so it’s not a stretch. The killer’s lair has a whole bunch of very elaborate death traps

JoJo Siwa, who played Colette, got second-billing for less than a minute of screen time. Good contract! In the very first scene, we see Colette with Sarah, so there’s really no surprise later. As we expected the “original” serial killer to show up at some point, but that never materialized– until the end credit sequence.

The killer’s digital mask is a neat prop. Some of the deaths are excessive, and there is pretty good gore here.

Kevin’s Commentary

I enjoyed this one quite a bit. The seven deadly sins are certainly made loud and clear. The mystery element made it more interesting, the effects are good, and the story is clever.

2024 The Mouse Trap

· Directed by Jamie Bailey

· Written by Simon Phillips

· Stars Simon Phillips, Sophie McIntosh, Madeline Kelman

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 20 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Once again, something has become public domain, so they thought they had to make a horror movie out of it. It’s got some humor, and some slasher action. It’s a masked killer with powers of teleportation, which makes them mighty hard to fight, but they do drag it out. Until a cut off ending that’s so abrupt and unfinished that it looks like a mistake. Brian appreciated it somewhat, and Kevin pretty much hated it.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open with a “Star Wars”-like scroller telling us all about Disney, how wonderful Disney is, and that this film has nothing to do with that at all. Nothing to do with Mickey Mouse, cause that would be BAD. Very bad. Oh, and this scroll is NOTHING like Star Wars, because that would be bad too.

We cut to Detectives Cole and Marsh preparing to interview a suspect, Rebecca. She warns them that telling her story will be bad. Credits roll as we watch the original “Steamboat Willie” play, NOT Mickey Mouse.

We cut to the Funhaven arcade. Alex works there, and she seems like more of a babysitter than an employee. Mickey, the boss, comes over and tells her and her friend Jayna they need to work late. Mickey then goes into the back room and watches “Steamboat Willie” on his old projector. He’s even got a latex mask of the character in a display case. He hears laughing as the image on screen behaves oddly. He walks over and reaches for the mask…

Jayna talks Alex into covering the late shift alone and leaves. Not long after, she sees The Mouse roaming around inside the arcade and runs… right into eight of her friends, who have rented the arcade for Alex’s Birthday Party. Jackie, Paul, Ryan, Danny, Marcus, and Rebecca are all there. The Mouse watches from afar.

We cut back and forth between all this and Rebecca and the cops talking. Rebecca explains that not all the party guests liked each or got along. No one likes Ryan and Marcus “has serial killer vibes.” Ryan calls the hockey team to beat up Marcus. Shortly after, everyone loses their phones.

Paul and Jackie sneak off into a back room to make out. The group decides to go to a real bar to drink but find that the door is chained shut– and their phones are gone. The fire exit is locked too, this is what Alex saw The Mouse doing earlier.

We see The Mouse standing behind people and menacing various characters with a big knife. He can apparently teleport, so there’s more going on here than just a slasher in a mask.

Marcus gives Alex her birthday gift, and it’s clear that he’s put a lot of thought into it. She wants him to ask her out, but he’s interrupted when Maria runs up saying that Ryan has killed someone. Alex picks up the landline to call the police, but she only gets The Mouse. Now she knows there’s something actually wrong.

The hockey team is at the bar next door, and they all watch as The Mouse comes in, wearing a full mask. They soon all die.

Ryan passes out on the roller coaster, but then the Mouse turns it on. Alex, Marcus, and Marie find Jackie and Paul’s corpses. Danny and Rebecca hide from the killer as everyone else sees a need to split up.

Danny and Gemma soon die, and now everyone knows what’s going on. Jayna finally returns to work and dies before even getting inside.

Alex, Marcus, and Marie find Ryan and tell him what’s been going on. Ryan admits that he’s got the hockey team involved, not realizing they are already dead. They soon come to the conclusion that Ryan’s too dumb to be behind all this. They trap the mouse, but he teleports away. They figure out that he’s afraid of a strobing flashlight; it breaks his teleport.

The group decides to fight back. The guys attack the mouse while Alex flashes the light at him. Somehow, he teleports away anyway. Alex says, “He’s not coming back” just as the Mouse appears behind her and cuts her head off.

The film then abruptly ends.

Brian’s Commentary

When “Steamboat Willie” entered the public domain last year, it was only a matter of time before it got the Pooh-and-Popeye treatment. Oddly enough, they do call him “Mickey” and “Mickey Mouse” several times during the film. The working title for the film was originally “Mickey’s Mouse Trap,” but they changed it.

Why would ANYONE want Ryan around? How did the mouse even know about the hockey team’s plan? The back-and-forth with the detectives really slows down the story. Why would she be so hostile to the cops who are just trying to figure out what happened?

There are no on-screen deaths until almost fifty minutes into the film. The Mouse can clearly teleport, so he’s not just a guy in a mask, but this is never really explained.

What happened to the ending? It just cuts off after Alex loses her head. We get no real closure with the cops. We get no explanation at all. We don’t get much resolution at all.

It was fine, but it needed ten more minutes of closure. There is an after-credit scene, but it’s just sequel-bait.

Kevin’s Commentary

Just because these things become public domain and they can turn them into horror movies doesn’t mean they have to. It’s another bunch-of-people-trapped-getting-picked-off-by-a-killer movie. This baddie can teleport so he is impossible to fight in any meaningful way, because reasons, but also has just enough of a weakness to flashing light to give the victims a little bit of a chance. And apparently they ran out of ideas at the end or something so they just abruptly ended it without a wrap up. I wasn’t impressed.

2024 Y2K

· Directed by Kyle Mooney

· Written by Kyle Mooney, Evan Winter

· Stars Jaeden Martell, Rachel Zegler, Julian Dennison

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 31 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Oh look, it’s “Cringe: The Movie.” We don’t remember 1999 being that cringe, but maybe it was for some. Anyway, this is an alternate timeline where the Y2K bug was not only not fixed, but the machines turn deadly and take over. While violating the laws of physics and generally not acting like computers really act. It was a little too heavy on parody, but it was okay.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on AOL, a CD burner, RealPlayer, Bill Clinton, and flying toasters. Yep, it’s the 90s. Clinton talks about there being no great problems for Y2K due to all the work people have put in. Eli cuts on his iMac, and a CD pops out. Credits roll.

Eli’s parents talk to him about dating and kissing as he goes off to the New Year’s Eve party. He goes over to Danny’s house as Danny’s mother does Jazzercise. The two boys talk about the girls at schools. Eli likes Laura, who’s dating a community college student.

The two guys stop at a video store and look around. The guy working the counter is Garret, a weird stoner type, who lets them smoke pot in the back room. They find Laura at the convenience store, and they joke about the lack of flying cars. She mentions that she broke up with Jonas. Laura’s friends then rob the store. Eli and Danny decide to go to the party at Chris’s house– Laura will be there too.

They go to the party and all the stereotypes are represented, only in 90’s clothing. They put on Danny’s favorite song, and he makes a fool of himself right away– No, the whole group sings along. Danny is clearly way more popular than Eli is, and they argue about it.

Suddenly, the power goes crazy and the dishwasher goes berserk. “Y2K is real,” jokes some bozo in the crowd. Upstairs, they find a dead body, killed by a ceiling fan blade. As the crowd argues about what to do, a toy car with a laptop on board drives in. It sets one of the guests on fire in the most hilarious way possible. There’s a sudden mass stampede as ejecting videotapes, microwave ovens, and blenders kill people. All the technology in the house goes berserk.

Laura thinks it’s some kind of computer virus. Eli says she’s a “coding wiz,” which is unheard of for a girl. She wants to go to the old factory, there’s no technology there. Before they leave, the machine monster in the next room breaks through the door and kills Danny, much to our relief.

The group makes it out to the street and sees two jetliners crash in mid-air. It’s not just at Chris’s house. The murder robot follows them out of the house and down the street.

They stop at a local park, CJ and Ash, the two stoners, talk cringe to each other (they’d have been cringe in the 90s too). As they get a look at the town from up on the mountain, it’s looking pretty uninhabitable down there.

When they arrive at the factory, Garret, the video store guy, is already there with his own party. Jonas, Laura’s ex, is there as well.

The robot walks in, and it’s got Eli’s iMac for a head. Eli thinks Laura can hack it. It stands there looking confused as the humans argue about what to do with it. They tie it to a pole and try cutting off the modem. The computer explains the whole evil plan of the computers to replace humanity. Eli pours water into the thing’s head and shorts it out.

Eli and Laura have a quiet talking moment that feels awfully whiny. Eli leaves with CJ and Ash and Laura continues to work on the computer. They all soon encounter another robot, and Garret loses his head. The group all hides in a porta potty, and that gets messy fast.

The four head to the video store but find it trashed. Inside, they run into Fred Durst, who looks way older than he should. He talks about the deaths of his other bandmates and friends. Ash gives him a pep talk, and now, maybe he’ll help fight back.

Laura says she’s got a Trojan Horse on her flash drive that’ll shut down the whole network. The five go to the high school, which is the robots’ main base since that’s where they can get the fast DSL Internet. The people inside all have glowing eyes since they’re possessed by technology. CJ is killed by flying CDs.

To distract everyone, Eli gives a big “we’re all just human” speech to the assembled crowd. Fred then sings to the group, and the robots don’t like it. In the back room, Laura can’t get through the security system, so we get a 90s-style hacking montage, with 3D digital buildings and all.

Eli and Laura have to plug in the flash drive, but it shoots electricity at them, so Eli uses the old condom that Danny kept trying to get him to use. It’s a good insulator, and they get through, destroying the robots and the whole Internet. Suddenly, the robots all fall to pieces.

Outside, Eli and Laura kiss.

Five years later, Fred Durst is a senator. Eli, Laura, and Ash visit Danny’s grave. We see that Ash’s iPod is still infected, and it laughs evilly.

Brian’s Commentary

The year 2000 as a “retro” story? Egad. I am officially old. There are so many jokes about Enron, AOL, and other cringy, dated stuff. There’s a lot of it, and it’s maybe a little over the top. I was there in the 90s, it wasn’t this cringey, really. It’s all more comedic than horrific.

Where did the giant murder-robot come from in the first place? The wires and such were moving on their own; wires don’t do that.

The casting here is pretty weak. Jaeden Martell, as Eli, is way too wishy-washy to be an interesting leading character and looks like he’s about to cry in every scene. Julian Dennison, as Danny, is annoying in every scene, but that’s probably intentional, since all the characters are obnoxious in their own ways.

It’s a silly film that could have been great with a better cast and maybe just a little less parody.

Kevin’s Commentary

A computer virus is one thing, but wires and machines that move by themselves is too much of a stretch. Even turning off my brain wasn’t enough for this one. It wasn’t awful, but it was middling for me in pretty much every way. Okay, a little better than middling. I was entertained.

Short Films:

2023 Short Film: The Little Girl Eater

· Directed by Tizian Herzberger

· Written by Tizian Herzberger, Septimus Dale

· Stars Siegbert Pacher, Jacob King, Maja Bloom, Penelope Kettle

· Run Time: 12:03

· Watch it:

What Happens

Mom and her boyfriend want to have some alone playtime in the car, so they let eight-year-old Miranda out to play alone on the cold, isolated beach. What could go wrong? Well, we soon see. Miranda finds an injured man in need of help– or is he?

Commentary

This is beautifully shot and paced extremely well. The real villains here are obviously the parents; you have to be careful what you say to kids!

2024 Short Film: Behind You

· Directed by Bryan Hancock, Brodie Scott

· Stars Brooks Hoffman, Delaney Hoffman

· Run Time: 7:08

· Watch it:

What Happens

A brother and sister sit in bed and watch TV as friends gather outside, wanting inside. When the friends come inside, they see something terrible.

We then flash back a few minutes and see what happened.

Commentary

Don’t blink!

The budget for this had to be mostly non-existent, but the shadow creatures were well-executed and effective. The music and audio are very well done, and even though it’s dark, you can see everything that you’re supposed to see. Nice!

2024 Short Film: Flesh and Blood

· Directed by Paul Vo Le

· Written by Paul Vo Le, Joshua Rodriguez

· Stars Tyler Webster, Bo Roche, Jill Anderson, Drew Patterson

· Run Time: 16:21

· Watch it:

What Happens:

The police have taken a young man into custody, and as the story progresses, we learn what he’s done and why. Terence recounts his day and what led to him murdering his well-known and respected parents. Maybe there was more going on here than the results would imply…

Commentary:

The scariest part of all this is Dad’s milk mustache. People with alliterative names are evil so that much is true.

We know from the beginning what Terence did, but not why or how. As we get into the details of his family life, it all becomes clear. As the story unfolds, it’s all very interesting and looks good!

2024 Short Film: Little Devil Peak

· Directed by Jef Faulkner

· Written by Jef Faulkner

· Stars Natalie Sampson, Anita Cannon, Sahil Kini, Chris Will

· Run Time: 8:40

· Watch it:

What Happens

A woman goes out camping alone, and we quickly learn that she’s a morning radio personality. There’s a couple out camping who cross her path a few times, and they are wildly incompetent campers. Their inability to pack may turn out to be the least of their problems, however, since they are being stalked.

Commentary

Little Devil Peak was created for the 2024 Seattle 48-Hour Film Horror Project. Teams in Seattle had 48 hours to write, shoot, edit, score, and turn in a 7-minute short film with the required elements:

· Character Ellie Parker - radio station employee

· Prop - Frying Pan

· Line of Dialogue - 'You are not going to like this'

· Genre: Monster/Creature or Found Footage

And they did quite a job with it. It’s funny, concise, and shows us everything we need. Excellent!

2024 Short Film: Zit

· Directed by Amber Neukum

· Written by Amber Neukum

· Stars Hannah Alline, Daniel Annone, Regina Ting Chen

· Run Time: 10:45

· Watch it:

What Happens

Gertrude is the office manager, and she wants a promotion. She’s prepared a paper listing her benefits and talents, and she’s ready to talk to the boss. Just as she’s finally ready, she spots a zit right in the middle of her forehead. What can she do about it?

Commentary:

Anyone who’s ever prepared or worried over a talk with the boss knows this feeling. Gertrude just takes it a little farther than most of us. The special effects and gore are fine, but not really the main draw of this short film. It is just laugh-filled from start to end, at least for me.

Contact Info:

Email:

· mailto:[email protected]

Websites:

· https://www.horrorguys.com

· https://www.horrormonthly.com

After our monthly holiday binge, it’s time to get back to normal. Well, “Normal” is relative with us, but you get the gist. We’ve got a very cool mix of winners and losers for you this week, With one big high, one big low, and some decent films in the middle.

We’ll start out with “Werewolves,” a fun film with a crazy premise that really goes off the logic rails. We’ll find out that “It’s What’s Inside” was an overlooked gem from last year. We’ll do an indie release next, with the ridiculous “The Yorkie Werewolf” and then a low-budget-ish comedic creature feature, “Invisible Raptor.” Then we’ll finish up with the talky sex-drama “Swap,” which pretends to be a vampire movie in the last ten minutes.

And, of course, we have more excellent short films for you!

The latest issue of “Horror Monthly” is now on sale! Check out all the back issues, as well as our other books, with one easy link:

https://horrormonthly.com

Mainstream Films:

2024 Werewolves

· Directed by Steven C. Miller

· Written by Matthew Kennedy

· Stars Frank Grillo, Katrina Law, Ilfenesh Hadera

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 33 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

You’d think after a year they’d be more prepared. That’s just one of the many points of this movie that lack logic and don’t make sense. It has an interesting concept, some decent action and effects. You just can’t think deeply about this one at all.

Spoilery Synopsis

One year ago, a supermoon event triggered something. Over a billion people were transformed into werewolves. Dr. Aranda does an interview on TV, and he says that they are working toward a solution, and everyone just needs to be prepared. The supermoon returns tonight. Credits roll.

We watch as Wesley drags chains, builds a cage, lays out bear traps, electrifies the fence, and otherwise prepares the house for the full moon. He’s very prepared to protect his dead brother’s family. Inside, Lucy and Emma worry. Neighbor Reagan comes inside, and Lucy gives her some emergency supplies. Outside, neighbor Cody shoots his machine gun carelessly; he’s a little unhinged. “Hell’s coming our way!”

Wesley has everything prepared, but he can’t stay to protect the family because he has to go out and help stop trouble. He doesn’t want to leave, but Lucy tells him that’s what his brother Sean would want.

Wesley drives through town, and there are a lot of whackos out there even before it gets dark. Dr. Aranda gives another press conference about what they hope to learn tonight; Wesley is the lead biologist. He warns, “Please. Stay out of the moonlight.” We cut to Cody, who’s lost his mind with PTSD. He’s gonna be trouble.

Inside the lab, Dr. Amy Chen locks up her boyfriend Myles, who turned into a werewolf last time, into a cage. Wesley and other scientists put on airtight suits to examine the volunteers in the cages. They’re testing “Moonscreen” that they hope will prevent the change. The volunteers are a weird bunch, some look just plain crazy. The moon doors open and– nothing happens. The Moonscreen works! Everyone gets to work analyzing blood samples.

Meanwhile, outside, wolves howl. Lucy and Emma sit in the house, terrified. At Reagan’s house, her own mother turns and kills her.

Back at the lab, it’s been one hour since exposure, and the subjects start to turn anyway. Things go very haywire very quickly, and Amy calls for the scientist to evacuate. Dr. Aranda’s suit rips, and he’s exposed to the moonlight; he turns. Soon, all the test subjects are out of the cages and killing people. All the light bulbs start exploding for some reason.

Wesley, Amy, and a wounded Evan lock themselves in one of the labs with a werewolf right outside the door. Evan soon dies from blood loss. Wesley and Amy make a plan to get away from the lab. They put on Moonscreen, which ought to be good for an hour outside.

Back at home, gung-ho soldier Cody doesn’t last five minutes before getting exposed and turning into a werewolf himself, bulletproof vest and all.

Wesley and Amy get past wolf-Myles and drive away. Wesley calls Lucy, who is panicking at home. Lucy hears Reagan outside, screaming for help, but he tells her not to open the gate. Lucy wants to go outside and save her, but she’s killed before that becomes an option. Wesley then crashes into a bus (why is there bus service during the werewolf apocalypse?)

Werewolf-Cody uses dead-Reagan’s body to short out the electric fence; he’s not just a stupid animal. Soon, he also disables all the security cameras outside.

Wesley and Amy get out of the crash and work their way through town, but there are werewolves everywhere. They hide under a car as a pack passes and make their way into a mall, where people are banging on the security doors behind every store. No, the people inside are gas-mask-wearing cultists or something. One of them turns into a werewolf, and there’s another fight until Wesley stabs it good as all the lights strobe on and off for no real reason. They run to a nearby store, with nothing but a tarp to protect them.

At Lucy’s house, the werewolves have surrounded the place, so all the lights inside flash on and off randomly. She knows Cody wants in, and he soon finds a way past the fence and past the bear traps.

Wesley and Amy come upon a bunch of soldiers just blasting away with truck mounted machine guns (without apparently hitting anything). That goes badly, and Amy gets dragged away by wolves.

Lucy shoots at something inside the house and notices that she only has four shells left. She shoots through the ceiling, letting the moonlight in. Soon, she’s down to a knife and a fire extinguisher for a weapon. The wolves break in.

Wesley drives back to Lucy’s house and runs over a few wolves on the way. He arrives home, in the rain, and his Moonblock doesn’t wash off. He’s surprised to hear Lucy’s out of shotgun shells, but Cody’s still out there. Wesley looks at the hole in the roof and comes up with a plan. He says goodbye to Emma.

It’s only fifteen minutes until sunrise, so rather than just delay, Wesley goes outside to fight Cody. Wesley sees the moon and changes.

Now it’s wolf against wolf, and very quickly, Wesley pulls Cody’s head right off. So now it’s Wesley who menaces Lucy and Emma instead of Cody. Lucy picks up one last shotgun shell as Wesley breaks in. She shoots out the boards covering the window and lets the bright morning sunlight.

Wesley stands up, human again, and somehow still wearing tight pants.

Brian’s Commentary

So much dumb here. It’s a really neat concept with a storyline that just makes no sense at all.

It seems like a lot of the preparation would be kind of useless if you had no idea who would change into a werewolf; you could end up locked inside the house with one. Is it only for people outside in the moonlight? That’s the way it’s presented here, but that would seem fairly easy to avoid. How hard is it to stay inside and cover your windows?

When trapped inside, why didn’t the final three characters just step into the moonlight and just turn. It was only fifteen minutes until sunrise.

They had a year to prepare. A year. And it’s not like what happened a year ago would have “deniers,” since it would have been obvious to everyone.

Who was driving that bus that Wesley crashed into? Why do light bulbs randomly explode? Who designed that Rube-Goldberg exploding research lab? Why are there crashed cars all over the road? People knew this was coming long in advance. So many logic questions!

There’s a lot here that’s hard to believe, none more than Frank Grillo playing an expert biologist.

The werewolves are a mix. Some are CGI while others are rubbery puppets and suits. Still, there are a lot of them, and we see a lot of them. The film doesn’t shy away from that at least. The only transformation we get a good look at is Wesley at the end, and it doesn’t disappoint.

It’s a fun action movie with a neat concept, but absolutely, positively turn your brain off before starting this one.

Kevin’s Commentary

The first time that the moon unexpectedly made everyone on Earth exposed to moonlight turn into a killer werewolf would have been an apocalypse that it’s hard to imagine humanity recovering from. But a year later, everything seems fine and dandy and normal. And this time they know it’s coming, and everyone should be on board with preparing for this time so it’s not a problem. It managed to be moderately entertaining, but it’s hard to look past so many dumb plot points and things that don’t make sense.

2024 It’s What’s Inside

· Directed by Greg Jardin

· Written by Greg Jardin

· Stars Brittany O’Grady, James Morosini, Gavin Leatherwood

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 43 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

What starts out as a harmless seeming party game gets wildly out of hand. We went into it blind, and we were delighted. The script is great and the actors keep up with it. It’s one that we might have to see again.

Spoilery Synopsis

Shelby does an influencer post about “trying something new. Don’t be afraid to spice things up.” Her boyfriend Cyrus watches porn in the next room. She goes in for sex, but that doesn’t work out. They argue over how badly he does or doesn’t want sex. This escalates into a flow-blown argument over going to the wedding tomorrow. Credits roll.

All the friends make posts about attending Reuben and Sophia’s big wedding. It’s all very cringy. There’s a lot of social media posting going on. We see many of the movie’s characters interacting on socials. Shelby and Cyrus are still arguing about him watching porn even after the long drive.

All the friends are very excited, friendly, and enthusiastic—in a superficial way. All the friends think Shelby and Cyrus got married, but they didn’t.

They all talk about Forbes, the guys who liked to play games, and how weird he was. We get a flashback about fighting, drinking, and getting expelled. There’s a whole backstory there. He moved to California and got a job with some big tech company. It’s been eight years, and no one wants to see Forbes again, but he was invited to the wedding.

As Reuben makes his toast, Forbes comes to the door, much to everyone’s shock. They used to call him “Game Boy” since he was always playing something. He says he’s been travelling the world and making money all these years. Oh– he’s brought a game that his team has been working on for five years.

He opens his suitcase and takes out a machine full of switches, plugs, and electrodes. Everyone puts on an electrode. We watch all eight friends hook up as he turns it on. Everyone goes wild for twenty seconds and then gets upset at what happened. He explains that “brains are like hard drives, and this just transfers files.” It’s a mind-transfer device, and it’s technically top-secret. The game is to randomly swap bodies and then try to guess who’s who for real.

Shelby is uptight and upset about the game, but everyone else wants to try it again. “You’re alway talking about new experiences. This is something we can do together,” argues Cyrus.

Round One

Everyone plugs in and switches. It’s a bit less dramatic this time. Shelby is in Brooke’s body, and she’s suddenly high, like Brooke was. Reuben is inside Cyrus. Maya is in Nikki. Crus is in Dennis. Forbes is in Reuben. Some of the couples pair off and make out, whoever they are. It’s all very trippy and weird, but it’s also kinda fun. After a while, they decide it’s time to switch back and they’re all screaming for a “Round 2.”

Dennis apologizes to Forbes for getting him expelled back in the day, along with some of the others.

Forbes explains that there can only be one more round, because then the machine will have to recharge for 24 hours. Cyrus and Dennis argue; Cyrus doesn’t want to play anymore because in the previous round, Forbes lied about being him.

Round Two

This time, each one pretends to be the one they’re inhabiting to try to fool the others and make it harder to guess. They all talk about not guessing and just going with it; Someone says, “You could kill him, and no one would know who you are.”

“Nikki” and “Forbes” pair off. “Maya” and “Dennis” pair off. “Cyrus” and “Shelby” hook up. Lots of sex between– sorta-strangers. An accident happens, and Dennis’s and Maya’s bodies are killed. Oh my. Inside the bodies were Brooke and Reuben, but Brooke and Reuben’s minds are in someone else now.

Forbes says that there’s a top-secret machine inside the house, and he’s not calling the cops. Some of the group don’t want to switch back. “This is our rebirth!” Everyone argues.

Dennis is inside Cyrus, and he doesn’t want to switch into a dead body, and he doesn’t want to go into Reuben’s body either. “Dennis” calls the police, confessing that Cyrus killed the other couple. Meanwhile, Forbes takes his machine and runs to the car until Nikki whacks him with a shovel.

They carry Forbes inside and discuss switching back. Shelby, inside Nikki, doesn’t want to switch back. Everyone argues because she’s the only conscious person who knows how to use the machine.

Cyrus in Forbes talks a lot of sense to Shelby, who is in Nikki. Someone points out that Cyrus was inside Reuben in Round one and lied about it to cheat on Shelby.

Reuben/Forbes wakes up and gives bad advice. Shelby comes up with a wild plan to switch everyone, not necessarily for the better.

As the police show up outside, everyone rushes to the machine again. Everyone accuses everyone else of conspiring to do shenanigans with the machine before the police confiscate the machine. Shelby’s body is allergic to peanuts and she’s poisoned by the real Shelby, inside Nikki. Someone stole all the money from Dennis’s trust fund. Things get crazy. Everyone wrestles over an EpiPen as the police pound on the door.

Some of the characters hook to the machine and slam the button.

Coda

Beatrice, Forbes’s little sister, arrives at the house and beats up Forbes for stealing her suitcase. Except that’s not Forbes, it’s Dennis. No, that’s not Beatrice; it’s Forbes. Beatrice, Forbes’s sister, has been in Forbes’s body all along. We get more flashback to eight years ago. She’s always had mental issues, and that’s just gotten a lot worse. Yes, this whole thing was a plot by Beatrice to get back at everyone.

Cyrus is in jail for confessing to the murders that he didn’t do. Shelby comes to visit him, but she doesn’t want to tell the police the truth about him. She tells him that he was just super high and imagined the whole thing, gaslighting him and unable to prove that she is, in fact, Shelby.

We get a whole ‘nother flashback about who ended up with what body. Nikki stole the machine, now addicted to switching bodies. Without the machine, everyone is stuck in the body they’re in now.

Shelby finally clears the air with Cyrus.

Brian’s Commentary

The music in this one really stands out. The house is really weird, designed by a dead artist. It’s got weird art, a room full of mirrors, and an electric “Trauma” sign on the balcony. Very cool.

Kevin pointed out that Shelby was on some kind of drug for her mental issues early on, and in a new body with a different brain she might not be having those mental issues but the person in her body would.

The characters and acting here are excellent– they’d have to be so you can tell who’s who when they aren’t “them” anymore. The writing on this is phenomenal since the plot gets so convoluted at the end. Just when you thought it was over, there’s a whole extra layer of stuff going on.

Geez this one is complicated– I almost felt like I needed to watch the last ten minutes a second time.

This is one of those movies that I’m going to be thinking about for a week. Excellent!

Kevin’s Commentary

Physically caused mental illness, hormones, psychological medications, booze, and drugs would affect the mind going into that body. Further complicating the weirdness of switching bodies.

This is one that I felt like I wanted to see again after I was done, especially the ending. The setting, soundtrack, cast, and story all worked together really well. The script was good, I thought, then it took another turn in the coda section of the film. It was great.

2024 The Yorkie Werewolf

· Directed by Michael DiBiasio-Ornelas

· Written by Michael DiBiasio-Ornelas

· Stars Isabella Jaimie, Risa Mei, Jacob Rainer

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 15 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The basic premise is that a young woman becomes a were-yorkie rather than a were-wolf. So she’s both adorable and deadly. But wait, there’s more. Witches and warlocks and mobsters and vampires all interact in this weirdly entertaining film. The effects get the job done, the script is out there and the actors seem to go along with it having a good time.

Spoilery Synopsis

Two men run through the snowy woods away from one man who has lost his foot and another shoots himself in the head. A tiny werewolf kills them as credits roll.

Grandma sits up and prophecizes: “You will end the war at great cost. I have seen it,” and then she farts before dying. The family are all witches and have been for many generations. Jenny’s mother, Sandra, says that Jenny has to come to the coven meeting tonight. For good measure, grandma farts some more, an indication of how much power she had in her.

Jenny’s boyfriend Dominic wants to make out in the car, and she blasts him with magic. He farts too after he’s unconscious. She then takes him to the coven as a sacrifice. “Witches and mobsters can never mix.” Sandra and her two witchy friends explain a ton of backstory about… everything. As she holds her little Yorkie dog, she cuts it and drips dog’s blood into Don’s mouth.

Suddenly, the witches die in a mobster attack. One of the witches was a double agent! After a quick fight, only Jenny is left alive. Her spell has gone wrong, and Jenny turns into a werewolf. A special werewolf. A Yorkie werewolf.

Jenny got blamed for stabbing everyone. She goes to live with Chris and his foster family. Chris gives her licorice made from blood; he’s a vampire. They go for a walk in the woods, and she turns as he watches. He sees the Ewok-sized werewolf and obviously thinks she’s adorable. He knows her whole history and about the war between the supernatural and mafia. Chris also wants to kill Big Nick, the leader of the mob. When he talks about getting revenge, she agrees. “Arf!”

The two go to an Italian restaurant and spy on the mobsters complaining about meatballs. The monsters also have a plan to eliminate the witches and the vampires. Big Nick turns out to be Jenny’s father.

They go to the gun store to buy bombs from Cliff. Cliff knows that they are a vampire and werewolf, and he knows about the war too. He doesn’t have a bomb, but he tells them how to blow up the Italian’s restaurant.

Chris goes to the restaurant and gets a job there as a janitor. “Papa Nick” meets him, and it’s all very Godfathery. The old man insists that Chris eat a big plate of spaghetti– with garlic. The fangs kinda gave it away, but they know who Chris is. As they torment her vampire friend, Jenny runs into the kitchen and turns all the gas burners on. She promptly gets knocked out, and soon both of them are prisoners. Chris escapes.

Later, Nick takes human-Jenny to a restaurant and tells her about her mother. He says the other “families” made him kill Sandra when they found out he had a connection to her. He says he’s even been protecting her. They make a plan to work together. He wants to get all the supernatural entities together in order to “cure” them all with his magic orbs. He’s already issued invitations. It’s pretty obvious that he’s lying, but she goes along with it.

The mafia and their orbs meet up with the creatures of the night out in the woods. Jenny turns into a werewolf and tells her story to bar patrons. She ends up killing all of them. The little werewolf steals a motorcycle and heads toward the battlefield.

At the battlefield, Papa Nick tries to talk the supernatural to death, but he eventually gets done monologuing enough to get down to business.

Jenny shows up and explains how ferocious she is. He gets upset that she was riding a motorcycle. Nick escapes in a cloud of green smoke as the rest of the mafia try to negotiate for their lives. Jenny tells Chris that the hunt for Nick is her fight, not his. We cut back to the opening scene as Jenny kills the gangsters one by one. She does spare one guy who swears fealty to her.

Later, that guy takes the werewolf’s head to Big Nick, who is thrilled. Nope, that was a copycat werewolf head, not Jenny’s. She’s brought Cliff, who put a bomb in the wolf’s head.

BOOM!

The last mafia guy says, “Jenny, you’re the head of the mafia now. That’s how it works!”

Jenny doesn’t have much for Chris to do other than be her sex slave once in a while, so she’s done with him. She gives him one of the magic orbs and leaves him in the restaurant. Then realizes something, stops, goes back in and says she needs a ride home.

Brian’s Commentary

The werewolf looks like a rabid Ewok which is hilarious. The acting here is weird and over the top, especially Jenny and Big Nick. The weird characters are far more interesting than the fairly-generic plot. Papa Nick’s accent is way too thick to get as many lines as he’s got; he really could use subtitles.

It’s weird and quirky, but it’s got some flaws. Still, if the concept appeals to you, it’s fun.

Kevin’s Commentary

I appreciate the amount of farting and fart jokes, an element so often lacking in horror films. The balance of strangeness and humor with the gore made a good mix in this one. Like Brian said, the plot is on the generic side if you think about it, but everything going on spices it up nicely. It’s worth a watch.

2024 Invisible Raptor

· Directed by Mikey Hermosa

· Written by Mike Capes, Johnny Wickham

· Stars Sean Astin, Mike Capes, Sandy Martin

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 55 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s a genius way to make the special effects easier - make the monster invisible. It still does actually have a lot of effects, and plenty of gore. There’s a lot of humor, referencing other movies with dinosaurs and camouflaged monsters. It’s a bit on the long side, but it moved decently through most of it, and it was entertaining overall.

Spoilery Synopsis

John Sykes and Willie Walsh work in their lab, and they have some kind of monster in a cage. They are raising their invisible raptor to be really smart.

Sykes has to leave to buy his kid a birthday gift; his birthday was two weeks ago. Willie notices that the raptor has the keys to his cage and reaches inside to grab them. He grabs the keys successfully but then stands too close to the bars. Talk about someone who should know better. Killing Willie, the raptor opens the lock and escapes. It uses Willie’s eyeball to open the lock on the door. Credits roll as it follows Sykes down the road.

Sykes goes to DinoWorld, an amusement park devoted to dinosaurs, to buy that birthday gift. We cut to Dr. Grant Walker, a dinosaur specialist, explaining about raptors and dinosaurs to a bunch of kids.

Meanwhile, Denny dresses in the restroom, putting on a dinosaur suit, and he’s not really proud of his job. He goes outside and does a dinosaur mating dance with the PhD dino expert. There’s a whole rap song.

Grant stops in the gift shop and runs into Amber, his ex, and her (their?) daughter Hannah. She’s divorced now, and his career isn’t doing so well. Manager Todd comes over and makes a fool out of Grant; Denny does the same.

We get a dino-POV shot as the invisible raptor sneaks into the park and eats Denny’s dog. It then hops in the back of little Elliot’s car as the boy complains about his retainer. Denny and Grant find a bloody footprint.

Denny goes out and leaves a bag of burning poop on his ex’s doorstep.

Elliot sees something tearing up his garage and leads it through the house with a trail of M&Ms until he meets the creature. Grant watches the news report about a big pile of poop with a retainer in it being found at Elliot’s house. Grant puts two and two together and tells Denny about it. They watch footage of Denny’s dog being eaten on the security camera.

Denny takes Grant to see the sheriff and deputy about Elliot’s disappearance. They make jokes about a “Rapper” on the loose. Surprisingly, they don’t believe the story.

The two go to Elliot’s house next to see the pile of dinosaur poop. Grant confirms that the Elliot-poop matches his fossilized feces sample. “I know my s**t,” he points out. They also find Mr. Beagle’s collar. Grant calls Amber and tells her to stay inside; she doesn’t believe him either.

They guys stop at McCluskey farms, the big chicken ranch. Something has eaten all Henrietta’s chicken… and eggs. The raptor may have raped her giant chicken statue. Still, the old woman didn’t actually seeanything.

That night, the raptor eats an old woman and her three cats. Denny bonds with Grant, and he needs a friend desperately. They stop driving when they see a big poop rolling down the road; it looks like an old lady and cats.

A few streets over, Amber takes a bath as the raptor sneaks in the back door. Amber throws the shower curtain over the dinosaur, so she and Hannah can “see” it. Denny and Grant come inside, but are shocked to find that the raptor is invisible!

Grant and Amber get close again, but then out of nowhere, Denny tackles a ninja. The ninja is actually Sykes, knows all about the invisible raptor weapons system. The raptor’s name is “Chance.” No one knows the raptor is missing; he is invisible after all.

Sykes puts on infrared goggles, and he “sees” the dino outside. Chance sees him too, and soon Sykes is headless. It runs off, but Denny “tags” it with a birthday balloon.

An old Karen watches the noisy party across the street and calls the sheriff. Then she sees a balloon out walking alone, and something she doesn’t see eats her. The sheriff and deputy arrive on the scene, and the raptor scratches on their car. They don’t last long after that.

The dino opens a car and activates the garage door opener in order to attend the big party. Mayhem ensues until Grant arrives and shoots it with a tranquilizer. He wants to lock the creature up in a jail cell, but Denny thinks that’s a bad idea.

Denny stops on the way to the police station to taunt his sixth-grade nemesis, and the raptor wakes up. Dusty dies in the most graphic way possible, much to Denny’s amusement. “My bad,” says Denny. Grant and Denny argue over whose fault this is until Grant gets over the top mean.

Amber and Grant go back to DinoWorld. He wants to bait the raptor using the rap song and dino suit. Where can they do it? How about the chicken farm? He calls Denny because he needs help, and apologizes. Cue the getting-ready-for-battle montage.

At Henrietta’s house, they talk her into driving her chicken-wagon through town while playing the mating song over the loudspeaker to lure it to the farm, where Denny will be waiting in his pee-covered dinosaur suit to blow it up with an exploding arrow. Yes, it’s that kind of plan.

They put the plan into action, and it’s quite a scene. The dinosaur ends up chasing the truck through town at high speed. They make it to the farm, and Denny has a very close encounter with the invisible raptor. Denny pees all over the raptor, and we can see it now.

Sex-starved Henrietta comes out of the house dressed in a chicken suit to “seduce” the raptor. The raptor takes advantage of the eager victim. Grant shoots the dinosaur with the exploding arrow that Denny made.

Time passes, and Grant gets back together with Amber. Denny gets together with Dusty’s widow, his sixth-grade crush.

Brian’s Commentary

What do you do if you want to make a dinosaur movie, but have no budget for effects? Make the dinosaur invisible, of course! There’s never any explanation as to WHY the dino is invisible, just that it is.

The top-billed star, Sean Astin, dies in the first five minutes, and that’s even before the credits.

There are uncountable references to “Jurassic Park,” “Predator,” and other movies here.

It’s one joke after another (lots of poop and butthole jokes), but as long as you accept the silly premise, it’s not bad. It is, however, far longer than it needed to be at nearly two hours.

Kevin’s Commentary

My only complaint about this is that it felt like it went on too long. The cast is good, the effects get the job done, and the humor makes it a lot of fun. I’d recommend it for a good time.

2024 Swap

· Directed by Dallas King

· Written by Dallas King

· Stars Dallas King, Jessica Lelia Greene, James Eastwood, Erin Anne Gray

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 26 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is a quartet of people looking good doing lots of nudity and sex. And there’s a vampire storyline unlying it. It does touch on morals, what’s right vs wrong, who is a monster and does it matter. We thought the sex, and talk about sex, was too heavy handed and the horror was downplayed too much. It’s decent for what it is, but we didn’t love it.

Spoilery Synopsis

We watch a graphic sex scene as the credits roll. She tries to choke him, and he makes her stop; he’s not into that. Kayla suggests to Rad that they bring in a third, but he says that’s cheating. They clearly have issues. He goes to take a shower, and when he comes out, she’s standing on her head doing yoga.

They get in the car and drive four hours to Glory’s house. It gets dark on the way. They let themselves in and hear Glory having sex with her guy in the bedroom. They walk in and watch for a bit, and it’s quite a rough display. This all makes Rad a little uptight, since he’s clearly repressed.

Glory’s boyfriend snorts coke in the kitchen, and Rad points out that he’s a cop and uptight about the drugs as well.

In the bathroom, Glory wants Kayla to share Rad with her, but Kayla doesn’t think he’d be interested in that. Over dinner, the three talk about old times and how promiscuous they all were, except for Rad, who just listens in silent judgment. Glory’s a lot to take in, and Angelo apologizes to Rad for her.

Later the two couples are making out in the Jacuzzi, and Rad watches as the two girls go at it together; they have history. Then Angelo gets his turn, and Rad looks really uncomfortable and gets out to leave. We soon see that Rad is not aroused. Angelo follows Rad and tries to help him out. Rad punches Angelo and demands that he and Kayla leave.

After a while, Rad calms down and gets drunk. He watches Angelo and Glory having sex, and we notice that Angelo has glowing eyes. Gloria tells Kalya that Angelo is her new “Master” and Kayla thinks she means Dom stuff. Rad and Angelo talk about legal and illegal pleasures. Angelo says he’s tried to live forever to keep enjoying life. Meanwhile, Kayla and Glory take a bath and talk about careers and squirting. For some reason, Glory won’t share her drink with Kayla.

Angelo finally convinces Rad to try the multiple partner thing for the evening. Glory finally shares her drink with Kayla. Finally, at 45 minutes in, Gloria sprouts fangs and bites Kayla. As Kayla turns into a vampire, Angelo can feel it too. Kayla figures out that she no longer needs her contact lenses.

Rad dreams about vampires and then wakes up. He calls in to work and has them look up Angelo’s history. No priors, not in the system at all. He argues with Kayla shortly after that. The four all go hiking in the hills that afternoon.

Angelo tells Rad that he’s been watching him for a few months. He says his race goes way back. He says he’s thousands of years old. Vampires aren’t what the movies show. “We’re not vampires, we’re hedonists.”

Rad thinks they’re all crazy, so Angelo wants to talk to him alone. Angelo says if he bit Rad, he would die; “You have to want it.” Rad grabs the bottle out of Angelo’s hand and swigs it; it’s blood, which he was not expecting. Afterward, Rad gets really dizzy.

Everyone jumps in bed, but Rad says he has to pee. When he comes out, he points his gun at Angelo and shoots him. Glory too. Kayla too. He then calls into 911 about the shooting. Then Angelo gets back up; “Really?” he whines. Kayla gets up, not happy about being shot. The three vampires pin Rad down and drink him.

The police arrive outside.

Brian’s Commentary

At about the twenty minute mark, Kevin pointed out that the whole thing felt like a big Instagram post; it all looked good, but no story.

We get a glimpse of bat-wings in Angelo’s shadow early on, and then we see his glowing eyes, but really, there’s nothing supernatural for a very long portion of the story. There’s a lot of discussion and debate about the merits of multiple-partner sex, and it feels like that was the main agenda of the writer here. It just goes on and on, for more than two-thirds of the film. That and the pseudo-porn scenes. The film is half over before we get a hint that this is more than a sex film.

There’s honestly too much sex and not enough horror here. It got old really fast with all the talk about sex. It’s… pretty bad.

Kevin’s Commentary

All style, little substance. Like an influencer social media post, it looks good but doesn’t really matter much. There’s loads of sex and nudity, not that that’s necessarily a bad thing, but it felt more like a midcore porn than a horror movie. It does get there eventually with some vampire action.

Short Films:

2024 Short Film: They Chose Here

· Directed by Kyle Brewis, Josh Klaassen

· Written by Kyle Brewis, Josh Klaassen, Jesse Mrau, Nic Baxter

· Stars Mike Belcher, John Belcher, Lily Zarif

· Run Time: 7:37

· Watch it:

What Happens

Two brothers drive their car to an isolated spot and watch for UFOs. Why would UFOs choose to come here? They just might.

When the bright lights appear in the sky, the brothers get what they came for… sorta.

Commentary

This is really well shot, especially since it all takes place in the dark. What’s happening is very clear at all times, and it’s nicely paced. We never really find out why what happens the way it does, but who can really understand those pesky aliens?

2024 Short Film: Hunnington Hills

· Directed by Reid Stasiak

· Written by George McKay, Reid Stasiak

· Stars Tomas Bennett, Japheth Johnson, Millie Lambie

· Run Time: 7:54

· Watch it:

What Happens

A young man goes to stay in a B&B-style place and is shocked to find that there’s a butler there, and not an especially friendly one, either. After handing over his keys, he goes up to his room. Late at night, he looks outside and sees the butler burning something. What’s really going on here?

Commentary

This one didn’t explain as much as I would have liked. We see what happens but not why. It’s well-shot and looks good. We always understand what’s happening, but we just don’t know why, and this time around, I think we needed to know more.

2024 Short Film: Born Again

· Directed by Jason Tostevin

· Written by Randall Greenland, Jason Tostevin

· Stars Ellie Church, Randall Greenland, Brian Spangler, Tiffany Arnold

· Run Time: 6:27

· Watch it:

What Happens

A group of cultists surround an obviously pregnant woman about to give birth. As they plan to summon the devil’s rebirth, they all start chanting. One of the cultists arrives late, and he’s a bit of an idiot, but he has brought the unholy book with him. What could go wrong?

Commentary

I don’t think the cultists were expecting that.

The masks, well, most of the masks, were really cool. These Satanists, however, are really bad at their job.

Nice!

2024 Short Film: Meat Puppet

· Directed by Eros V.

· Written by Eros V.

· Stars David Jonsson, Máiréad Tyers, Gregg Chillin

· Run Time: 11:58

· Watch it:

What Happens

A young man skips his own graduation to stay home and play with his action figures. His girlfriend calls to yell at him for being late, but before he can leave, he gets a package delivered. Is that his new Goku figurine? He can’t wait to open the box, but he’s a little surprised when there’s just a weird hand puppet inside. Still, he can’t resist putting it on and playing with it.

Or is it playing with him?

Commentary

Be sure to stick around through the credits; there’s more at the end.

David Jonsson recently starred in “Alien: Romulus,” and he’s excellent here as well. We’ve seen similar puppet-centric plots before, but this one has a few unique twists to it that we enjoyed a lot. It’s extremely well-paced and well-shot, moves quickly, and is very funny.

Contact Info:

Email:

· mailto:[email protected]

Websites:

· https://www.horrorguys.com

· https://www.horrormonthly.com

This time around, we’ll be discussing our favorite films released in 2024. We made a list of everything we watched that was released in 2024, and we each made a top-ten list. There’s some overlap, so we’ll look at our individual picks first, then look at the ones we both chose.

At the end, we’ll also discuss some of the best things we watched this year that WEREN’T new releases. Overall, we’ll discuss 21 of our favorite films.

The latest issue of “Horror Monthly” is now on sale! Check out all the back issues, as well as our other books, with one easy link: https://horrormonthly.com

Get all our reviews once a week: https://www.horrorweekly.com

Brian’s Favorite 2024 Films:

Curse of the Sin Eater from episode 307 https://www.horrorweekly.com/p/hw307

Godzilla x King: The New Empire from episode 282 https://www.horrorweekly.com/p/godzilla-x-kong-the-new-empire-imaginary-058

I Saw the TV Glow from episode 288 https://www.horrorweekly.com/p/hb288

Lisa Frankenstein from episode 272 https://www.horrorweekly.com/p/hb272

Strange Darling from episode 302 https://www.horrorweekly.com/p/hw302

Heretic from episode 314 https://www.horrorweekly.com/p/hw314

Kevin’s Favorite 2024 Films:

Humane from episode 294 https://www.horrorweekly.com/p/hw294

Late Night with the Devil from episode 278 https://www.horrorweekly.com/p/hb278

Longlegs from episode 296 https://www.horrorweekly.com/p/hw296

Starve Acre from episode 297 https://www.horrorweekly.com/p/hw297

The Radleys from episode 303 https://www.horrorweekly.com/p/hw303

You’ll Never Find Me from episode 296 https://www.horrorweekly.com/p/hw296

Unanimous Favorite 2024 Films:

Abigail from episode 283 https://www.horrorweekly.com/p/hg283

Smile 2 from episode 309 https://www.horrorweekly.com/p/hw309

The Coffee Table from episode 277 https://www.horrorweekly.com/p/baghead-the-coffee-table-when-a-stranger-470

The Substance from episode 305 https://www.horrorweekly.com/p/hw305

Brian’s Favorite Not-New Films:

American Mary from episode 279 https://www.horrorweekly.com/p/american-mary-dr-giggles-the-dentist-606

Casablanca from episode CW1 https://classicsweekly.substack.com/p/cw1

Kevin’s Favorite Not-New Films:

Angel Heart 275 https://www.horrorweekly.com/p/wolves-angel-heart-nightmare-on-elm-e04

Baghead 277 https://www.horrorweekly.com/p/baghead-the-coffee-table-when-a-stranger-470

Both Agree:

Godzilla Minus One from episode 280 https://www.horrorweekly.com/p/godzilla-minus-one-stopmotion-ghosts-659

Contact Info:

Email:

* mailto:[email protected]

Websites

* https://www.horrorweekly.com

* https://www.horrorguys.com

* https://www.horrormonthly.com

We’re wrapping up our December of Holiday Horror with three more holiday-themed scare classics, starting with our final Christmas outing, “Christmas Bloody Christmas” (2022). Then we’ll ring in the new year with “Ghostkeeper” (1981) and “New Year’s Evil” (1980).

Then, we’ll switch back to our regular non-holiday format with two new releases, “Heretic” and “Street Trash,” both released fairly recently.

And, of course, we have five excellent short films for you!

The latest issue of “Horror Monthly” is now on sale! Check out all the back issues, as well as our other books, with one easy link:

https://horrormonthly.com

Get all our reviews once a week: https://www.horrorweekly.com

Mainstream Films:

2022 Christmas Bloody Christmas

· Directed by Joe Begos

· Written by Joe Begos

· Stars Riley Dandy, Sam Delich, Jonah Ray

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 26 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The first half is loud and bright with multiple people talking too much, too fast, and a whole lot of cussing. The second half is still loud and bright with a lot of loud talking and cursing, but at least the horror elements finally start kicking in. Brian didn’t care much for the whole package, but after not enjoying the first half too much, Kevin thought the second half was fairly entertaining, with a climax that reminded him of elements from the sci-fi flicks “Terminator” and “Hardware.”

Spoilery Synopsis

We watch a TV commercial about beer for the whole family, a horror porn movie, cream-pie ads, and a promo spot about government-military robots that have been licensed as Robo-Santas. Credits roll.

Tori goes to work at the record store. She knows more about the customers than their own spouses do. Robbie, her assistant, asks Tori what she’s doing for Christmas Eve. He tries to talk her into going home with him instead of her prearranged date. Even though they’re standing in a record store, Robbie shows her an example of the date singing on his iPhone. These two go on and on, spitting out supposedly witty dialogue for about a half an hour.

The two drop off some whiskey for Lana, who works at a toy store. It’s closed after-hours, and the toy store employees are having a Christmas party. They all make fun of the Robo-Santa they have. There's news reports of a Robo-Santa recall; they have been starting to revert to their previous military programming.

At the toy store, the Robo-Santa comes to life and looks around. He stomps around using his Terminator-vision to find the owners of the toy store. He finds a fire ax and kills them both.

Tori and Robbie drunkenly rant about rock bands getting bad haircuts and losing their talent. Sheriff Monroe comes in, and the conversation blissfully ends… until they go to Tori’s house and debate the merits of the Unsolved Mysteries soundtrack and which of the Pet Sematary films is best.

Outside, Santadroid has followed them home and kills the neighbor and his wife as Tori and Robbie have sex (with their pants on). We’re more than forty minutes in before Tori and Robbie have any idea that anything unusual is going on.

Tori wakes up Liddy and Mike, her sister and brother-in-law, and the four all hide from Robo-Santa as he stomps around the outside of the house. Tori and Robbie run outside, but the other two don’t make it. On the way out of the driveway, Robbie backs into the nasty neighbor’s car, and he comes out yelling and ranting as Santa comes up behind him. The neighbor dies, as does Robbie.

A cop pulls up, called by the nasty neighbor before he died, and he fills Santa full of lead. Tori tells the officer that the Santa is the same one from the toy store. Santa gets back up, and the officer shoots him again. Santa doesn’t stay down again this time and kills the officer. Tori runs over Santa a couple of times. More cops then arrest Tori and take her to the station, suspecting her of being the killer.

Tori tells the sheriff everything, and he doesn’t believe any of it, even though the robo-santa-thing has been all over the news that night.

Suddenly, Santadroid crashes an exploding ambulance into the police station. Tori, Officer Weston, and Sheriff Monroe are alone. Very quickly, that’s reduced to just Tori.

There’s some hide-and-seek, but eventually, Tori Tases Santa. He quickly reboots and continues the chase. She runs outside and drives away in an ambulance, but Santa is hanging on to the back door.

She crashes the ambulance, and Santa goes flying. She pins the robot under a crashed car and then sets the gas tank afire. Because this is a movie, it explodes excessively.

Tori breaks into her own record store as now-skinless Robo-Santa gets up once again. Tori is surprised when the Terminator walks into her store. She hides but eventually grabs a big sword off a display. She stabs Santa until he lights up like a Christmas tree. As it gets up yet again, Tori sets off the sprinklers, and the water ends up killing Santa. Or at least slowing him down enough for her to finish the job.

Tori breaks a leg and loses some fingers but eventually wins out in the end.

Brian’s Commentary

And the military retired these robots? Replacing them with what? I would want to be the enemy who finds out.

This movie is #$!@#$* awful. According to IMDB, the film features 487 uses of profanity, with an average of 5.6 per minute. Merry f*****g Christmas, amiright?

Does every single location in town have either green or purple lighting? What did Robo-Santa have against Tori so specifically? There was a whole town full of people to kill, so why was he so obviously stalkingher? I shouldn’t nitpick, as there’s really very little to this film that makes any kind of coherent sense.

My main complaint is apparent after the first five minutes: there’s just too much dialogue. This must’ve been directed by the scriptwriter [checks credits…. yep!]. He wrote all the words, and he made sure the actors read all of them in the most annoying way possible. Or maybe there wasn’t even a script and the dialogue was just made up as they went along. Either way, it was atrocious and seemingly unlimited. After about a half hour, Kevin said, “This is exhausting.” Yes, by 25 minutes in, we were both hoping for quick death to the two protagonists.

The only thing less fun than listening to two drunks jabbering at each other incessantly for an hour and half is watching them blather on and on.

Oh, and that’s all just in the first half. The second half eventually becomes a horror movie with a killer robotic Santa.

Kevin’s Commentary

Robbie did say he was great at oral sex, and he proved himself right by successfully eating Tori out without taking her underwear off. This movie was a distinct half and half for me. I really didn’t think much of the first part, I felt overloaded with the fast conversation, loud music, and bright lights. And I have nothing against foul language, but this seemed deliberately excessive and a little forced. The second part started to feel entertaining once the full violence of the robot started kicking in and the mayhem went into full swing. And what a durable machine that robot was. So definitely mixed feelings for me. I would recommend if you aren’t digging the beginning, like I wasn’t, to stick with it for a payoff.

1980 New Year’s Evil

· Directed by Emmett Alston

· Written by Leonard Neubauer, Emmett Alston

· Stars Roz Kelly, Kip Niven, Chris Wallace

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 25 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This was a fairly standard formula slasher movie at its core. The 1980 music and fashion was pretty fun. It’s easy to figure out who the killer really is, because we see him at work and it adds some extra entertainment when things don’t go smoothly for him. It was decent.

Spoilery Synopsis

Ernie and Diane argue about her being late for her show. She calls Yvonne, who says Richard is out of town and drinking heavily. Yvonne then gets a dangerous stranger in her hotel room, and we see that her role is a very brief one. Credits roll.

It’s New Year’s Eve, and we cut to a bunch of rowdy punk teenagers causing trouble in their convertible. They soon arrive at the same high-rise hotel that Yvonne and Diane are in. Diane’s son, Derek, also arrives, but Diane doesn’t have much time for him. She doesn’t hear a word he says.

Turns out, Diane, aka “Blaze,” is hosting a New Wave Rock countdown for the holiday. The show is called… “New Year’s Evil!” It’s now 58 minutes until the ball drops.

They have operators taking calls for the best song this year. She takes a call from a guy using a voice altering device, and he wants to be called “Eeeeeeeevil.” He says he’s going to commit murder at midnight. “I’m going to kill someone you know, someone close to you.” All this is live and on-the-air. Diane tells Ernie to bring in more cops for security; that wasn’t the garden variety loony on the phone.

Meanwhile, at the Crawford Sanitarium, someone sneaks in the back door as the patients all jump around like… lunatics to the music on the TV. The man puts on an orderly uniform and tells a real nurse that he’s here to fill in. He’s brought champagne, and she’s charmed enough to hook up with him.

Lt. Clayton and a cop show up at the show, and he says Diane should expect that sort of thing considering the type of people her show attracts.

As the clock hits midnight on the East Coast, the fake orderly stabs the nurse to death. He then calls Diane back and tells her he made his first kill for the Eastern Standard Time. He plays her an audio recording of the murder, and then promises to call her again in one hour for the next time zone.

Upstairs, in his room, Derek takes some pills and shows us that he’s not quite normal. Lt. Clayton hears about the murder, and he starts taking it all very seriously. He figures the killer is going to kill three more times, once at midnight in each time zone. Diane comes to the conclusion that he’s also killed Yvonne, but they can’t find her body.

The killer puts on a fake mustache and goes clubbing. He finds one girl at the bar and starts chatting her up. He says he’s Erik Estrada’s investment guy, and she’s intrigued. She agrees to go with him, but she wants to bring her friend Lisa along. It’s looking like this murder is going to be late, and the girl is extremely annoying, which upsets the killer. He pulls over and gives Lisa money to buy champagne after going to the restroom. While she’s gone, he suffocates her friend with a plastic bag. Lisa comes out of the place and he kills her too. He leaves both bodies where they can be easily found.

On the way to his next victim, the killer rear-ends a biker gang, and that results in a quick chase through town. He ends up hiding in a drive-in theater, but they follow him in there. He steals a car, with a girl in the backseat. She gets out and runs, but the police find her before the killer, who runs away.

Meanwhile, Clayton makes an announcement to the show’s crowd during a break. They are not cooperative with “The Pig.” The psychologist that he’s brought in says it’s likely that Diane will be the final victim. The killer arries outside, but they aren’t letting anyone inside the show now. Still, he finds a way– he knocks out a cop and steals his uniform and gun.

Diane goes back to her room with a cop escort and argues with Derek some more. She sees a guy in a scary mask, but it’s just Richard, her absent husband. Yeah, we know he’s also the killer. He pretends not to know any of what’s been going on. The policeman, however, wonders how Richard got inside the locked-down building. The cops soon figure out that Richard must be the killer when they find his abandoned car.

Richard sabotages the elevator that Diane and the cop are in. He pulls the unconscious cop out and plays a recording of the murders for Diane. Now she knows it was him all along. He admits killing Yvonne and the others.

Richard is angry about Diane withholding money from him as well as the way she treats Derek. He chains her underneath the elevator, “Going up. Going down. Get smashed.” Somehow, Richard has fixed it so two elevator cars are going to crash into each other (how?).

The cops arrive and have a shootout with Richard. They shoot the elevator controls as he runs to the roof. Richard gets cornered on the roof and jumps off.

Derek finds his dead father and gets upset. He takes his father’s mask and walks off, looking like he’s planning for a sequel.

Diane gets found somehow and loaded into an ambulance– driven by Derek, who has killed the ambulance driver and is wearing his father’s mask now…

Brian’s Commentary

It’s a pretty standard slasher, but this time, we see the killer’s face very early on. Who he actually is isn’t revealed until the end, but it’s not hard to guess.

I was never into this kind of music at the time, but nowadays it sounds so… tame. I assume the bands were real musicians, but I’ve never heard of them– “Shadow” and “Made in Japan.”

The killer has one difficulty after another to get his job done, since no one seems to want to cooperate with him.

Kevin’s Commentary

Having some viewing experience with this sort of movie, I guessed right off the bat who the killer was. That aside, it was pretty good. The music and fashion of 1980 was fun to see. It was also a little different - and entertaining - seeing the killer struggling to get his goals met. It’s another decent entry in the slasher genre.

1981 Ghostkeeper

· Aka “Ghost Keeper”

· Directed by Jim Makichuk

· Written by Jim Makichuk, Doug MacLeod

· Stars Riva Spier, Murray Ord, Sheri McFadden

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 29 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s low budget, in fact so low that they ran out of money halfway through production and had to wing it in the second half. It would have been interesting to see what the result would have been with sufficient funds. As it is, it’s not a great film, but it kept us watching and interested until the end. It has a lingering 70s vibe, and a good setting, a little suspense. It’s worth checking out.

Spoilery Synopsis

We are told that there’s a legend about the Wendigo in Native American folklore. Credits roll.

Jenny and Marty enter the Mountview General Store and immediately make fun of the man inside, who offers them coffee. The storekeeper plays along with the bumpkin stereotype that Marty expects. Soon, Chrissy shows up on her snow machine; she complains about how boring it is at the lodge. Her date is even more boring. The storekeeper warns them that the mountains can be dangerous. “There are worse things out there than getting lost.” The three tourists ignore him and ride up the mountain on snow machines.

They soon decide it’s a good idea to drive across property marked “no trespassing.” They soon come upon an abandoned lodge, and that’s when Chrissy crashes and her machine won’t start. The snow has really drifted deep there, and it’s tough climbing to get to the lodge. They force their way inside.

It’s a swanky place, but from the dust, it’s been unoccupied for a long time. Oddly, the heat is turned on. The blizzard continues, and they decide they need to stay the night. Each of the three explores the old place. It’s New Year’s Eve, so no one at the lodge is going to even notice that they’re missing.

Jenny hears someone whispering her name, and we see an eye– someone is watching them. Later, she tells the others that she thinks they may not be alone in the building. Chrissy tells the others how she seduced her teacher in the 8th grade for $40.

Marty goes off to see if there’s a wine cellar. He screams when he finds an old woman in the kitchen. “You can’t stay here. You gotta go, now.” The three really have no choice but to stay with the weird old woman, who says her son also lives with her.

Jenny is clearly jealous of Chrissy, and Marty is a bit of a jerk about it. She blames him for sleeping around, and he gaslights her. “You’re scared of flipping out, just like your old lady.” We see the old woman listening to the argument outside.

Chrissy goes into the bathroom and takes a bath. We see someone in big boots outside the door. The bearded man whom we haven’t seen before drowns her in the tub, carries her to an icy cell, and then cuts her throat in front of a monstrous-looking creature.

The old woman says Jenny is strong, and that she’s getting too old for what she does here. Jenny and Marty wonder what happened to Chrissy but go to bed anyway. “She’ll turn up.” Jenny admits that she’s afraid of going crazy like her mother did.

Jenny wanders off later and overhears the old woman talking to her son. “You done good. He needed us. No, I’m not mad at you.”

In the morning, Marty goes outside and checks on the snow machines. He can’t even get the intact one to start. It’s been sabotaged. He runs inside and yells at the old woman, who says Chrissy is gone, but she doesn’t know where.

Jenny and the old woman skirt around the issue of Chrissy and what the old woman is really doing here. Meanwhile, Marty snoops around outside. Jenny passes out from the tea the old woman dosed her with, and later wakes up in a dark room with a book, “Mythology of Native Americans.” She reads about mutilated bodies and about certain women being able to control a giant monster.

Jenny then finds a room made of ice that’s padlocked. The old woman’s son chases after Jenny with a chainsaw, leaving the monster’s door open. He chases her all over but tries to evade him by hiding out on the roof. He falls to his death; she doesn’t. She runs to Marty and tells him about the monster. Marty thinks Jenny murdered the man, but then the old woman blows up the remaining snow machine, mumbling “It’s time, Jenny; Soon you’ll understand.”

Marty, in fact, loses his own mind when he realizes Chrissy is probably dead. He rambles on and on about his calm father and how Jenny killed that man. He wanders off into the snow, babbling about finding help. Jenny follows but soon turns back.

Somewhere else, an old hiker is out for a walk. He arrives at the lodge and comes right in the door. The old woman stabs him repeatedly. Jenny comes in a different door and picks up a loaded shotgun she spotted earlier.

Jenny finds the old woman, who says that old gun doesn’t work. “You can’t kill me, that’s something a crazy person would do. I’m your mother!” the old woman lies. Jenny is confused for a moment and then just shoots the old woman with both barrels.

Jenny still hears someone whispering her name. She goes back downstairs to the ice-room and unlocks the monster’s door. Inside is the Wendigo, a big monster-man. “It’s OK, Jenny will look after you now.”

Later, Jenny, who now refers to herself in the third person, finds Marty frozen to death outside. She goes back to the lodge that night, and she’s happy to be the new “Ghostkeeper.” We hear the old woman’s voice, “You’ll be fine, Jenny. I’ll look after you now.”

Brian’s Commentary

It’s a New Year’s movie, not Christmas. I’m still wondering where the old woman got her food and supplies.

We know pretty much from the opening that there’s gonna be a wendigo in this. The setting immediately reminded me of 2006’s “Cold Prey,” or even “The Shining” from 1980, but the main plot is completely different from those.

The director ran out of money halfway through the film and mostly just ad-libbed the second half. The monster only appears in flashes, and he’s not very good.

There’s no on-screen violence at all, and there are only a few characters, so the body count is quite low. It’s a slow burn, the acting is mediocre at best, and it’s a plot we’ve seen before. Still, it’s got a good bit of suspense, the setting is interesting, and we were never quite sure how it was going to end until it did.

Kevin’s Commentary

It’s a shame that the funds ran out; I think this one had more potential than what actually came through. It’s low-key on horror, with a small cast. The setting and location was excellent. It kept me interested throughout, and I wasn’t bored, but it left me wanting for more.

2024 Heretic

· Directed by Scott Beck, Bryan Woods

· Written by Scott Beck, Bryan Woods

· Stars Hugh Grant, Sophie Thatcher, Chloe East

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 51 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

We both thought this was truly excellent, with an amazing performance from Hugh Grant. Both the young women were good as well, with all three of them playing well off each other. It’s surprisingly talky, but there’s plenty of tension and weirdness to keep it interesting. We’d highly recommend it.

Spoilery Synopsis

Two girls sit on a bench and discuss porn movies and how they prove the existence of God. They’re on some kind of religious mission to convert as many people as possible to Mormonism. Sister Barnes and Sister Paxton walk through town, trying to proselytize everyone they pass.

They both finally make their way to their destination, a big house behind a metal fence… in the rain. The man inside, Mr. Reed, finally opens the door and welcomes them inside. He’d contacted the church asking for missionaries to stop by. They can only come in if there’s another woman present, and he mentions his wife is in the kitchen.

They sit down to talk about God’s plan for Mr. Reed, but he would rather talk about them. Paxton is super gung-ho and eager to talk about religion, but Barnes seems a little less enthusiastic. He asks them about polygamy and how the church stopped doing that. Both girls get very quiet as they explain how their beliefs have changed over the years. Reed has his own theories about Joseph Smith’s “Revelation.” He has a well read copy of the Book of Mormon. He gives a long speech about his beliefs and research, but the girls just want to meet his still-unseen wife. He goes into the back of the house to get her.

The girls decide that Reed is creepy and that they should wrap this up. They decide that the wife is not coming out to meet them. They decide to sneak out the front door, but their coats are somewhere in the back room, with the key to their bike lock in a pocket. Oh yeah, and the door is locked.

They look outside, and suddenly, it’s winter and a blizzard outside. The power goes out. They finally decide to go into the back, and the room where Reed is looks like a church. They grab their coats, but still can’t get the door open. They ask for help with the front door, but he says the deadbolts are on a timer and it won’t open. They’ll have to exit through the back of the house.

Reed says they can leave at any time, but he knows they’re lying about their reason for leaving, since cell phones don’t work here because of all the metal in the frame of the house. This is all dragging out for too long, and it’s clear that something sketchy is going on, and he finally asks if they really believe he has a wife in the house. This, of course, leads into another speech about irrational beliefs. The doors in the back both lead to a deep, dark basement.

Meanwhile, back at church, Elder Kennedy notices on the sign-out sheet that Paxton and Barnes haven’t clocked out.

Reed starts talking about the game “Monopoly” and plays a record. He compares playing Monopoly to reading the Bible. He says he’s going to say and do things tonight that they are really not going to like. The more he talks, the more unhinged he seems. He’s got a whole slideshow to accompany his rant.

He marks one door “Belief” and the other “Disbelief.” The girls have to choose a door, and they debate the merits of each. They finally choose the “Belief” option and go down the dark stairs. He locks the door behind them.

There’s a huge stone chamber down there beneath the house, and a strange old woman, not Mr. Reed, soon joins them and drops off some pie. The old woman then disrobes and curls up into a ball in the middle of the floor. Reed comes on through a speaker and says they are in the presence of a living prophet of God. He says he wants them to witness and verify that the miracle is real.

He announces that he’s poisoned the prophet, and when she dies, she’ll be resurrected. Sure enough, the prophet eats the pie and dies. They all wait for the prophet to get back up again.

Suddenly, the doorbell rings. Reed goes to answer the door; it’s Elder Kennedy, looking for the girls. Reed says nobody’s visited him all day. Kennedy doesn’t seem to notice the bicycles parked outside, and he just leaves.

Meanwhile, in the basement, the prophet wakes up and pukes on the girls. Reed then thanks her for her prophecy and leads her away. Reed then claims that one of the two girls is hiding a big secret, and he’ll reveal that later. Paxton believes the woman’s resurrection, but Barnes doesn’t believe it at all. Barnes has beenclinically dead, and she also had a meaningless near-death experience.

Before anyone notices, Reed cuts Barnes’s throat, and she dies. Reed tells Paxton not to worry, as he can bring her back, too. It doesn’t work, but then Reed cuts out an implant from Barnes’s arms. “She can’t come back. She’s a program.” We can’t always tell the difference between real life and dreams, he explains. He thinks it’ll be different when Paxton dies.

Paxton says that’s not a microchip, it’s a birth control implant. That’s against the church’s rules, so she kept it a secret. Paxton has a whole theory about what’s been going on here tonight, and he is very amused to hear it. The whole prophet thing was a magic trick. Paxton uses her theory to find a trapdoor in the floor; will she go down there?

“Don’t go into that cellar unless you are prepared to learn the one true religion.” She goes down and finds the dead prophet down there; there was a switcheroo trick. Reed locks her down there.

Paxton walks through the sub-basement, and there’s all kinds of religious and cult things down there. She then finds a door, locked with her own bike lock. She pulls out the key and opens it.

In the next room are many cells, each with a prisoner. Reed shows up and asks her if she’s figured it out yet. She explains how he must have moved their bicycles right after they arrived. She says “The one true religion is control,” to which he agrees. All these prisoners have chosen to be there; “It’s called drinking the Kool-Aid.”

Paxton stabs Reed in the neck and runs back upstairs. He catches up and stabs her in the belly. They both lay in the basement and wait for each other to die. “Pray for us,” he whispers. “Praying doesn’t work,” she responds. She explains how tests have shown that prayer makes no difference.

Suddenly, someone stabs Reed from behind. It’s Barnes, who really did wake up from death– sorta. She falls back over, dead again. Paxton eventually finds a way outside, and free from the house, calls for help on her phone.

She hallucinates a butterfly. Is anything real?

Brian’s Commentary

How did it go from a rainstorm to a blizzard in a matter of minutes?

Hugh Grant is amazing here as the creepy Mr. Reed. He said he got tired of playing the same old roles over and over, and this is very different from his usual stuff.

It’s a very talky film, almost entirely made up of Reed’s speeches and philosophical ideas. It almost could have been a stage play.

There’s not much action, but it’s extremely tense, Grant is ultra-creepy (partially because a lot of what he says is true), and it’s really well filmed. I liked this one a lot.

We’re about to record our “Top Ten for 2024” episode, and this is going to be one of my picks.

Kevin’s Commentary

I was very impressed with Hugh Grant here, not playing a basically good guy with good humor like he most frequently does. The movie is loaded with tension, and plays out really well. The two young women are perfect for their roles as well, and the three interact beautifully. I wouldn’t quite put it in my top ten for 2024, but almost.

2024 Street Trash

· Directed by Ryan Kruger

· Written by Ryan Kruger, James G. Williamson, Roy Frumkes

· Stars Sean Cameron Michael, Donna Cormack-Thomson, Joe Vaz

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 25 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is a reboot of a 1987 film by the same name, truly a classic of cinema. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but it’s a mighty entertaining and fun movie. The body horror gore is over the top. The humor and action is well done. It’s weird throughout, with a hyperreality science fiction vibe. It was a hoot.

Spoilery Synopsis

The loudspeaker calls for “Volunteer Number 85” and a man comes in to be handcuffed to a chair. He’s injected with something pink and glowy as the scientist watches for a reaction. He gets one. There is a great deal of screaming before the patient passes out. Then his head starts pulsing and his intestines pour out onto the floor. It only gets worse from there. The scientist is pleased. Credits roll.

We get an ad for how wonderful it is to visit Cape Town, South Africa interspersed with reports of rioting, monopolies, homeless, power cuts, and all kinds of bad things. There’s also the “Rat King” who leads the revolutionaries. We see that it’s basically an apocalyptic wasteland now.

One man leads the police on a chase through town. This goes really bad for the cop, who loses his penis.

Ronald and Chef watch Alex beat up some muggers. Ronald gives a new battery to pay off the Rat King’s henchman and take Alex with them. They take her home to where two more crackhead friends, Pap and Wors, are hiding in camouflage along with Offley. 2-Bit is also there, and he’s clearly crazy, with an imaginary friend who’s an alien.

The speakers announce the citywide curfew is now active, so the whole group goes to sleep. The next day, Ronald and Chef give Alex lessons on being homeless. She… doesn’t need lessons. They watch Mayor Mostert campaigning for re-election; he talks about the drones roaming around the city to round up all the nasty… particles. Yeah, particles.

Mayor Mostert goes to see his scientist’s test subjects. They watch the woman breathe in gas and then mutate horrifically. She dissolves into a puddle of multicolored goo. The mayor is pleased!

We hear a story about how Ronald goes to sex addicts anonymous and seduces people for money. We also hear about how Wors and Pap created an all-new drug. 2-Bit shows Alex his tattoos.

Outside, one of the drones gasses a homeless guy , who melts like the others. It’s quite a display.

The Rat King’s goons come for Alex. When 2-Bit gets annoyed, he runs them off. Later, Ronald and Alex trade sad backstories.

Later still, the goons grab Alex. The Rat King is a real freak, needing batteries to stay alive. Alex shows her the plans for a special battery that she stole. The King offers her one day to get that battery.

The drug dealer, Society, warns the guys that his supplier has vanished. Ronald wants some of that blue glowing stuff Society sells, but Society says he isn’t ready for that yet. Meanwhile, the mayor hands out free food to many of the homeless, and the melting-chemical is in the food.

Alex tells Ronald, Chef, and the gang what she needs. The plan she has is for one of those drones, and she wants to trap one using 2-Bit as bait. We soon see how that plan fares– not well, but they do get the drone.

Chef gets shot in the face with a blast of drone gas, and he melts in front of the group. 2-Bit gives a rousing speech about taking revenge on the Mayor. The police stop by and round up the whole group– except for Alex.

The gang is taken to a big building, which is recognized as the experimentation center for the drug. Pap, along with many others, are led into a room and gassed, although He finds a gas mask and puts it on.

Aex goes to see the Rat King, who has died and been replaced overnight. She talks the thugs into going to the factory and rescuing their friends.

Society is there as well, and he says it’s time for Ronald to take the drug he’s been denying him for so long. Ronald chugs it down and then helps release all the people from the cages. Ronald becomes a master assassin on the drug; he can also see 2-Bit’s little friend. He gets shot and doesn’t even feel it.

There’s nots of shooting and Wilhelm screaming. They find Pap, who’s half the man he used to be, but they still find a way for him to join in. The group breaks out and heads to City Hall, where the mayor is taking credit for solving the city’s homeless problem.

There’s another huge shootout where half the participants melt in the end. Ronald and the others soon catch up with the mayor, who calls them “Street Trash.” They let him have the gas, and it’s not pretty.

2-Bit says goodbye to Sockle, the little blue man, who vanishes away. This makes 2-Bit sad, but Ronald and Alex console him, along with Pap and Wors.

Ronald complains that the gunshot is starting to hurt after all.

Brian’s Commentary

Where do our bodies store up all the blue paint? If you liked the toxic waste scene in the original “Robocop” film and thought they should make a whole movie like that, then this is for you!

The gore and body horror effects are really over the top and a lot of fun. This is brought to us by the same writer/director that did the amazing “Fried Barry” from 2020. It’s also based on the 1987 film of the same name.

Kevin’s Commentary

This was weird and wonderful. Gary Green, formerly the lead in “Fried Barry,” tops the crazy with a raunchy opinionated creature sidekick that only he can see. The effects are gross and effective. I thought it was a winner.

Short Films:

2024 Short Film: Little Lilith

· Directed by Jamison Forkenbrock

· Written by Jamison Forkenbrock

· Stars Andy Mcphee, Adjovi Koene

· Run Time: 7:18

· Watch it:

What Happens

Two people discuss a retirement contract, but he won’t sign unless they explain how they are going to deal with his project concerning Lilith, who is not human. She has evolved a superhuman intelligence, and she’s been affecting the outside world, which he doesn’t like. She’s a conscious machine.

Commentary

I have no idea what that was all about, but it was really tense. This sounds like a world that might not be so much fun to live in, even less so when you find out who’s running it.

Very cool!

2024 Short Film: Pig

· Directed by Evan Powers

· Written by Evan Powers, Bryce McGuire

· Stars Aaron LaPlante, Jordan Wilson, C.J. Vana, Graham Outerbridge

· Run Time: 7:47

· Watch it:

What Happens

A group of friends play strip poker, and the guys are losing badly. They casually mention that there’s no cell service as someone bangs on the door. Kevin leaves to go check the door and comes back with a knife in his chest. There’s a note: “We play games too.” The group’s troubles are just beginning.

Commentary

It’s a touching tale of friendship and support.

It starts like a typical campground slasher story, but then it takes a turn. I wonder if “The Strangers” went through all this before attacking helpless families?

It’s important to remember that, yes, slashers have feelings too.

2024 Short Film: Residual

· Directed by Asa Brader

· Written by Asa Brader

· Stars Bill Hand, Jimmy Merchel, Tristan Johnson, Kyle Hardy, and Damien Kira

· Run Time: 10:14

· Watch it:

What Happens

Sam and Joey were hired to clear out houses after tenants had been evicted. Joey, who is new, asks old-timer Sam about any crazy stories from his years on the job. Joey drives them to the next house on their list, and Sam gets really uncomfortable and refuses to go inside. As Joey goes in alone, Sam has a flashback to hisfirst day on the job…

Commentary

Sometimes, it’s better to not know all the details of your job.

This is amazing. It’s clearly shot and very well acted, and the chemistry between the two main actors is very realistic. The flashback, in black and white, explains all we really need to know.

2024 Short Film: The Eyeless Man

· Directed by Scott McMillan

· Written by Scott McMillan

· Stars Susan Sims, Paul Lapsley

· Run Time: 4:48

· Watch it:

What Happens

Kirsten is home alone, standing at her window, smoking. She sees a strange bald man with no eyes outside. She reaches for her phone to take a picture, but he's gone when she turns back. Then she starts getting calls from an “Unknown Caller” and soon regrets answering…

Commentary

With only two actors and one simple set, this probably didn’t cost much to make, but it’s still a full story, with suspense, and you can always tell what’s going on at all times. We never find out WHY, but that’s part of the mystery.

2024 Short Film: The Vampire Theory

· Directed by Dominic Grose

· Written by Dominic Grose

· Stars Corinne Strickett, Tom Harden

· Run Time: 11:33

· Watch it:

What Happens

A woman hears something moving around upstairs and then kills her cat to feed Oscar, her son, who’s locked upstairs. Laurie calls in a doctor and tells him that her son has vampirism, but it’s taking a long time for the effects to fully manifest. She’s been helping Oscar as much as she can, but she needs the doctor to assist.

Commentary

It’s one of those “is he or isn’t he?” kinds of stories, but it’s really well done. Laurie seems like she may be unhinged and imagining her son’s condition, but we aren’t really sure. On the bright side, we see that the cat is actually just fine at the end.

Contact Info:

Email:

· mailto:[email protected]

Websites:

· https://www.horrorguys.com

·https://www.horrormonthly.com

We’re continuing our December of Holiday Horror with five more holiday-themed scare classics.

We’ll begin with an odd home invasion kind of story with 2020’s “Hosts,” then we’ll find that “There’s Something in the Barn” from 2023. We’ll deal with grief and isolation with “The Melancholy Fantastic” from 2011, then visit “The Dorm That Dripped Blood” from 1982. Then we’ll go way back in time to watch how “The Curse of the Cat People” from 1944 plays out. Yes, all of these have a holiday tie-in of some sort.

And, of course, we have five excellent short films for you, although they aren’t all particularly holiday-themed.

The latest issue of “Horror Monthly” is now on sale, with 43 reviews plus a short story, this time by Brian. Check out Issue #39 and all our books with one easy link: https://horrormonthly.com

Get all our reviews once a week: https://www.horrorweekly.com

Mainstream Films:

2020 Hosts

* Directed by Adam Leader, Richard Oakes

* Written by Adam Leader, Richard Oakes

* Stars Neal Ward, Frank Jakeman, Samantha Loxley

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 29 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It starts out strong, with some over-the-top violence. The violence continues, but the tone changes as it goes along. We both went into it blind, thinking it was going to be a standard home invasion kind of situation. There’s more to it than that. Kevin liked it somewhat better than Brian, with a mix of votes.

Spoilery Synopsis

A man drives an empty train into the station, parks, and then gets out. He walks across a field and sees a man dressed as Santa. Jack talks to the red-clad Michael about dinner tonight and admires the pheasants he’s just shot. Jack goes home to his wife, Lucy, and shows her the bad haircut he just got.

The couple trades Christmas gifts, and Lucy sees two small lights out in their garden– we see them too, but Jack missed it. He goes outside, but doesn’t see anything; when he comes inside, he hears banging upstairs. He finds Lucy upstairs, convulsing, but she’s also got a bright light inside her that seems to want out.

Over at Michael’s house, Michael and Eric talk about Cassie, Michael’s wife. They watch the news complain about the Pagan traditions replacing the traditional Christmas traditions. They speak of what people are calling “electrical anomalies” that people are reporting. Lauren and Ben play a boring game of checkers until she gets a call from Matt, who couldn’t come to dinner tonight.

Jack and Lucy come to the door, as planned, and it’s obvious that they aren’t quite right. Their eyes glow, for one thing. Cassie and Lucy cook in the kitchen while Michael shows Jack an antique TV set. The old man talks about how much the old TV means to him as Jack stands there impassively. They sit through dinner like zombies, and it’s all very awkward; Lucy has a hammer in her hand throughout the meal.

As Lauren talks about maybe getting married to Matt, Jack leaves the table. Cassie wants to announce that her cancer is now in remission, which no one was expecting. Everyone is overjoyed at the news, and Michael proposes a toast to his wife. Lucy stands up and beats Cassie to death excessively with the hammer. Before anyone can react, Jack returns with Michael’s shotgun and makes everyone sit back down.

Jack and Lucy make each of the family members go to their bedrooms. Lucy tells Ben a “fairy tale” about guests in a father’s house who destroy everything he loves. “Demons come as angels of light” is how Lucy describes herself. Rather than call 911, Lauren calls Matt and tells him to bring help. We see that Jack is hiding under her bed throughout the conversation. Matt says on the phone, “We’ve been watching you for a long time.”

Lauren wakes up. Jack has given her the shotgun and says she’ll need to make a decision. Eric is tied up across from her, and Lauren is told to kill him. Lauren and Eric talk about how she has no choice but to kill her brother. The discussion goes on for an hour and half, and she finally pulls the trigger– and there’s the click of an empty chamber.

Eric crawls downstairs, and Michael admits that Jack is his illegitimate son. He abandoned that family to start this new one. Soon, Eric is possessed or converted, and he’s with the baddies now. Before long, Lucy is hanging from a tree in the woods. Jack stabs Michael to little pieces until Lauren comes in and shoots him in the back. At one point we see there are many people infected with the glowing eyes.

Ben comes out of his room and he and Lauren go outside. Ben’s eyes glow, and we see lights all over the sky– this was some kind of invasion!

Brian’s Commentary

We went into this one completely blind, and that probably helped, as we had no idea what the story was even about. The characters were good, and the first half hour was all very well done. When the killing started, it was basically just another “home invasion” movie, as the monsters, or aliens, or whatever, didn’t really do anything supernatural. Although Lucy’s fairy tale and Michael’s paternity admission seem to coincide with each other, the whole alien invasion thing at the end shows that to be untrue.

It started well, but then went downhill fast.

Kevin’s Commentary

I agree that it started strong and then changed. But I’m not sure it went downhill. It just went sideways into more of an apocalyptic haze with a fairy tale. I also don’t think it was aliens; it was demonic forces from down below. With subtle warnings around the edges of turning away from Christianity toward the pagan. I accepted, maybe, that whatever was going on must have been fogging the minds of the victims too, preventing them from simple ideas like escaping out the window when they were locked in a first-floor room. Anyway, I liked it more than I disliked it.

2023 There’s Something in the Barn

* Directed by Magnus Martens

* Written by Aleksander Kirkwood Brown, Josh Epstein, Kyle Rideout

* Stars Martin Starr, Amrita Acharia, Kiran Shah

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 40 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Who knew that there were so many rules to follow when your barn is infested with elves and how cranky they can get? An American family in Norway finds out. There’s loads of humor in this one, along with gore and violence. We liked it a lot.

Spoilery Synopsis

A man chains his tractor to something in the barn. The tractor won’t start, and he finds the wires have been cut. He goes back inside and pours gasoline all over the barn. Then he sees… it. The gasoline thing goes badly, and he burns to death while the barn remains intact. Credits roll.

One year later, Bill, Carol, Lucas, and Nora Nordheim arrive in Norway. “It’s the happiest country in Europe.” They all stop to take a photo with a moose-crossing sign. Then they see a real moose– which attacks them. The sheriff stops to help, and she warns them about the mooses. It’s all very scenic and remote, but they’ve inherited a very large house– in the middle of nowhere, not too far from a town though. Nora is not pleased, but everyone else seems thrilled.

Bill takes them all out to the barn, which he thinks might make a good bed and breakfast someday. Lucas hears something out there that scares them. That night, he sees eyes watching him from the barn.

The family goes into town the next day, and they stand out among the real Norwegians. Lucas goes to a strange shop that sells barn elf statues and has a museum. The man there, Tor Age, tells him all about elves. “If you treat the barn elves nice, they will be good to you. If you make him angry, he’ll do whatever it takes to get rid of you.” Tor explains the rules: they hate changes, bright lights, and loud noises. He stops smiling when Carol mentions the Nordheim farm.

That night, Lucas goes out and meets the elf. He offers him a cookie. Carol tries to console Nora about her not wanting to live there, but Nora doesn’t much like Carol, the replacement mother, much either. Carol suggests that they could throw a party for the neighbors… in the barn.

Bill finds that the whole parking area has been shoveled; the elf did it in exchange for the cookie. Lucas thanks him and they have more cookies. He tells Carol about talking to an elf, and that goes about as it always does. The elf then cuts a huge amount of firewood for the family.

Later, Bill decorates the whole house with bright lights, which terrifies the elf; Lucas explains about the barn elf, but no one listens to Lucas. The elf is, in fact, not pleased. In the morning, all the decorations have been brutally destroyed. They call the sheriff, who blames local kids but is otherwise not so helpful. “You’re in Norway now. Nothing bad ever happens here.”

It’s time for the party, and many locals attend. None of them can understand Bill’s gibberish-Norwegian. No one really speaks at first, but then they all drink a lot. They’re very friendly when they get enough alcohol. A woman tells Carol about the rumors that the farm is haunted. Nora makes a friend and gets drunk. Raymond has many questions about America and volunteers to play Santa on Christmas Eve.

It’s a fun, though awkward night, and the elf doesn’t like that the party happened in the barn. Lucas talks to Tor again, who suggests giving a bowl of porridge to the elf for Christmas Eve to make amends. Meanwhile, the elf comes into the house and destroys their kitchen. The elf then pushes Bill into the basement and locks him inside. The sheriff suggests that they all drank too much alcohol at the party– or maybe it’s the ghost.

Carol mentions the “ghost” to Bill, who admits that his uncle died while trying to burn down the barn. This results in an argument.

On Christmas Eve, Lucas makes porridge, which is the peace offering for the elf. Bill, on the other hand, makes Lutefisk for the family dinner, which smells just horrible. It tastes even worse. This time, even Carol has had enough. Lucas catches Bill eating the porridge; none left now. “That was our only chance of having peace with the elf!” Bill still laughs.

Lucas takes leftover Lutefisk to the elf. The elf tastes it and finds it as revolting as the family did. This means war! He roars and grabs a sledge hammer just as Raymond staggers by in his Santa Suit. Raymond doesn’t live long. Bill finds Raymond hanging and impaled with an icicle, which was clearly not an accident.

Bill runs everyone out to the car, but it won’t start. The elf hops onto the roof of the car and terrorizes the family. The elf screams, and the noise echoes over the countryside… and is answered by more of his kind. Many more, and they’re all armed.

Everyone gets into the house, followed by the elves. We get a mostly-comedic fight between the humans and elves. Nora finds that all the batting practice really pays off. Lucas talks to the original elf, and he promises to follow the rules from now on.

Suddenly, the sheriff drives up, and the bright light gives the elves reason to leave. They tell her about the elves, and she tells them all not to believe in fairy tales. She calls them crazy Americans– until the elves run over her in her own snow machine– excessively.

One of the elves finds the sheriff’s gun and soon learns how that works, unfortunately for him. The rest of the elves make themselves at home, especially once they find the alcohol and the music.

The family hides in Nora’s room and compares stories about how this really isn’t the worst Christmas they’ve had. Bill and Lucas sneak out the window, hoping to make it to Tor’s place for help. Nora and Carol stay behind to make bombs filled with Raymond’s moonshine. Even the moose gets involved– sorta.

The battle rages on. Carol kills two in the bedroom and Nora runs cross country. Bill and Lucas make it to Tor’s house, and they get a call from Carol, who says Nora has been captured. Tor lectures them about gun violence in America. The three drive back to Bill’s house and see carnage everywhere.

Tor sees the elves and is shocked. “They’re real?” They follow the elves into the barn and down into the secret tunnels below. Tor wants to negotiate with the elves. “This isn’t Detroit, Bill!” They soon find the women tied up in the center of the elf village, and one of them has the gun. Tor speaks to them in Norwegian asking to discuss peace between the two sides. Then the elf shoots him. “Why does he have the only gun in Norway?”

Lucas reminds the original elf about the cookies, and he unties the women. Tor wakes up and continues talking. The family makes it back to the barn, but they’re soon surrounded. The original elf tries to argue for them, but the old elf leader with the gun refuses to listen– until he runs out of bullets.

Finally, Nora uses her paper airplane skills to set the crashed snow machine on fire, which explodes and takes the barn with it. The family and the now-good elf make it outside. Tor and a couple more elves show up; they all want peace, and alcohol, now.

The good elf is homeless now. Lucas wants him to live with the family, but it’s just a matter of time before he gets mad again. They take the elf to Tor’s museum, which no one visits; he can live there. Bill says this still isn’t their worst Christmas.

Brian’s Commentary

No one takes Americans seriously in Norway, even though the Norwegians are the silly people here. The family actors are all great, each one in denial in their own way. The elves are funny and scary at the same time, and the locals are a hoot as well.

There are some deaths and gore, but it’s all mostly played for laughs, like a twisted child’s movie. The elf is happy now.

Kevin’s Commentary

I hadn’t seen the poster or preview before going into this, so it was a real surprise when a bunch of the elves popped out. The balance of horror and humor is just right. I thought this was a lot of fun with the cast and everything about it being very good.

2011 The Melancholy Fantastic

* AKA “The Doll in the Dark”

* Directed by A.D. Calvo, Alejandro Daniel

* Written by A.D. Calvo

* Stars Amy Crowdis, Robin Lord Taylor, Josh Caras

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 13 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s a story of loneliness, guilt, mourning, and a little insanity set during the Christmas season. We’ve been hard on some of the tropes of “are things real or in their head, are they crazy or is it really happening,” in the past. But this one is very well made and interesting enough to keep us engrossed in it. We give it a strong thumbs up.

Spoilery Synopsis

As the credits roll, we see someone assembling something; a craft project– it's a creepy doll. Melanie explains that “Mother died today. Maybe yesterday.” She gets in the car and talks to the doll. She goes to a gas station and buys a bunch of Sno-Ball snacks.

When she goes home, we get a look at the doll from behind. Is that a mask on a corpse? It’s blurry, so we’re not sure (We see later that it’s just an ugly doll). Melanie has a whole conversation about the doll not being polite as they eat their snacks. She continues talking to the doll as she puts up Christmas lights.

We hear a voice “Don’t cut yourself,” as we see she’s hanging razor-blade garland on the tree. Melanie clearly hears her dead mother’s words coming out of the doll. “I’ll never leave you again.”

Melanie goes to the library and talks to a weird guy there, Dukken. Mrs. Wiley is also there, and she mentions that her son is home from school and would love to see her. Dukken likes her and follows her out to the car, “Who’s your creepy friend?” He asks when he sees the doll. Melanie drives away and ignores him.

The insurance company calls; they have papers for Melanie to sign about her mother’s policy.

Later, Melanie is out driving alone and sees Dukken again, he’s got a dead bird that he wants to bury. He talks about two birds; he killed one with his car, but the other one flew into a wall and died. She asks him to go see a movie tomorrow.

Melanie goes home and makes a sandwich with moldy bread. She talks to “Mor,” the doll, about reading a book where a man kills a complete stranger after losing his own mother. “Razor blades,” whispers Mor.

The next day, Melanie takes Dukken to a barn out in the country. He tells her that the bird flew away; it wasn’t really dead. They argue about death being permanent. She tells the story about how her father died and her mother deteriorated into depression, eventually killing herself– with razor blades. They sit in the car in the barn and watch a movie; it’s their own personal drive-in. Dukken is a weird guy, but she’s got him beat by a mile. She talks about talking to a doll that’s really her mother. She eventually abandons him in the woods and runs off down the road.

Melanie goes home and puts tape over the doll’s mouth; that’ll shut her up. Dokken comes by; he’s fixed and returned her car to her. She invites him inside. He gets a good look at the doll, and he’s impressed with Melanie’s skill at dollmaking. She complains about what the doll’s been telling her, and he admires the razor-blades on the trees. He’s very goth, so he thinks this is all pretty cool.

“You know what has to happen now, don’t you?” asks the doll after Dukken leaves. “Someone dies,” Melanie responds.

Melanie goes back to the gas station and buys more snacks; she doesn’t have any real groceries at home. Kenny is the clerk in the store, and he clearly likes her.

Dukken comes over again, and he sees that Melanie is making a doll of him now. This creeps him out just a little, and then she serves him PB&J on moldy bread with Sno-Balls. He talks about how he’s invisible to his family before he gags on long-expired milk.

“I need you to help me get rid of Mor,” she whispers. They put the doll in the trunk and drive to where Dukken said the bird flew away. Except the bird is there, really dead, and Melanie accuses him of lying to her. She sets Mor on fire and cries.

They go home, and Melanie draws Dukken. She hears her mother’s voice coming from the basement. She sees her mother’s corpse down there– no, Dukken says it was just a dream, she was sleepwalking. He explains that Dukken, his name, is Danish for “Doll.”

She stabs him, and he falls to the floor, dead.

We cut to happy, smiling Melanie, driving down the street, but then she breaks down crying again. She goes to the gas station and Kenny gives her a whole case of Sno-Balls, on the house. She tells him the same story that she told Dukken earlier. She invites him to the drive-in tomorrow, which is Christmas. He invites her over for Christmas.

She goes to Christmas at Kenny's house, leaving her dead Dukken doll on the kitchen floor.

Brian’s Commentary

The most horrifying thing in this film is the chunky expired milk.

It’s a happy Christmas story of grief, suicide, depression, and more than a little insanity. Dukken is nice, gentle, empathic, and exactly what Melanie needs; most of the movie is suspense– will she kill him or not? Is he even real? There were some hints that he wasn’t.

It’s weird. Considering it’s one of those “grief as horror” movies that we’re all generally sick of, this was interesting and well done.

Kevin’s Commentary

This movie made me want Sno-balls, something I haven’t had in years. Not with a glass of chunky spoiled milk though. I liked this one for the elements of not being sure what was real and what was not, it was very well done and interesting. It’s a grim piece of work, but I enjoyed it.

1982 The Dorm That Dripped Blood

* AKA “Death Dorm”

* Directed by Stephen Carpenter, Jeffrey Obrow

* Written by Stephen Carpenter, Jeffrey Obrow, Stanley Giachino

* Stars Laurie Lapinski, Stephen Sachs, David Snow

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 28 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s another variation of a group of people in an isolated situation getting terrorized and picked off one or two at a time by an unseen slasher. There’s the who-is-doing-it question raised by keeping the killer’s face from us until the big reveal and final showdown. It’s decently made and has good effects. If you’re into the genre, this one is pretty good.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on Dayton Hall, a condemned dormitory. One guy runs through a dark hallway and hides from someone– who strangles him from behind and cuts his hand at the same time. Credits roll.

Tim has found an apartment for him and Joanne to move in together, but she wants more time to think about it. He’s leaving in the morning for his Christmas ski trip, but she’s staying behind to help pack up the beds and stuff in the condemned dorm high-rise. Most of the campus will be closed for the winter break.

Debbie shows up in the morning and says she can’t stay to help long, but it’s going to be a huge job. Joanne’s got a long checklist and only two weeks to finish the project. We get a POV shot from someone skulking around the building watching the various characters.

Debbie’s parents come for her, and she waves at them from the roof. They wait for her in the car for a bit, but then the father goes inside after her. Someone with a spiked baseball bat beats his head in. The killer then strangles Debbie’s mother. By the time Debbie gets downstairs, both her parents are dead. She faints, and the killer runs over her in the car before driving away with the bodies.

Joanne, Craig, Patti, and Brian fix breakfast in the morning, and Patti notices John, a weird student with funky hair, going through their dumpster. Bill, the maintenance man, complains to Joanne about his best drill going missing.

Bobby Lee Tremble stops by to pick up 75 desks that his boss is buying.

Craig talks about how easy it is to get “A’s” in this school; Patti finds it much harder than he does. Joanne talks to Brian about how Tim gets on her nerves.

As the four young workers play pool, we see someone outside acting suspiciously– it’s John, who peeps in their window. The group splits up to go outside and find John.

Bobby Lee leaves his girlfriend Alice in bed and calls Joanne on the phone. Alice tempts Bobby to stay with her, but he’s not interested and heads over to the dorm… at 2 a.m.

The killer returns Bill’s missing drill to him, but Bill isn’t appreciative.

Brian and Craig find John and warn him that he shouldn’t be hanging around the closed school. Later, Brian goes missing, and someone trashes the nice dinner that Joanne made for everyone. They all assume that it was John getting his revenge.

Joanne calls the police about John. The officer says the description sounds like a guy they just picked up not far from here.

Joanne hears someone up on the roof; she tries to call the police but the phone and the power suddenly go out. Brian goes to check on the breaker, but he runs into the killer by accident. Craig comes in, he thought the power outage was a prank. The killer grabs Patti from behind and puts her in a boiling pot in the kitchen.

We cut to John, wandering the halls with a machete and looking terrified. Craig and Joanne go out searching. John attacks them, knocking out Craig and scaring Joanne. “Open the door. You’ve got to trust me. I came back here to find you.” He looks and sounds crazy. She finds Brian’s corpse behind her, and then she attacks John with the machete that was stuck in Brian.

Joanne and Craig gang up on John and beat him severely. Joane wants to leave right now, but Craig says they killed John together. “It’s been me the whole time. I’m the one. John knew all along, that’s why he’s been trying to warn you.” She punches Craig and runs away.

Joanne finds a tunnel out of the building with a big “Beware of Rats” sign on the door. When Craig goes back for a flashlight, she doubles back, but he grabs her anyway.

He then explains how he made it look like it was someone else doing the killings. He shows her Debbie’s family, inside a freezer. She pushes him inside and locks the door; he soon gets out and chases her some more.

Bobby Lee arrives outside with his truck, whistling “Jingle Bells” as he scrounges for useful junk. He hears Criag explaining the whole thing, but he can’t get in the building. Three cops also show up.

Craig jumps Bobby Lee, and they fight for a bit. Bobby Lee wins the fight, but then the police pull their guns on him. Craig yells that Bobby Lee is the killer, so they shoot him. The cops help Craig up and then they all run upstairs to find bodies.

Craig picks up Joanne’s unconscious body and carries her to the incinerator…

Outside, the policemen stand next to the smoking chimney as they call in for more ambulances.

Brian’s Commentary

Oddly enough, these students aren’t potheads or sex fiends who are getting killed, these are all the good, hardworking students looking to make a few bucks over break. It was still obvious all along who the “final girl” was going to be, but at least it wasn’t for the usual reasons.

It’s got a great set and location, it really looks like an abandoned building. The cast is fine but not really standout. The plot is the same as a hundred other kill-them-one-by-one films we’ve seen.

Kevin’s Commentary

It’s a standard slasher film of the 80s for the most part. A couple differences are that it’s not a bunch of youngsters doing drugs and having continuous sex. And you’ll be right about who the survivor girl is, but she doesn’t survive. The baddie, just a regular human guy, gets away with it. It’s worth checking out if you like these kinds of movies and want to collect another.

1944 Curse of the Cat People

* Directed by Gunther von Fritsch, Robert Wise

* Written by DeWitt Bodeen

* Stars Simone Simon, Kent Smith, Jane Randolph

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 10 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s presented as a sequel to 1942’s “Cat People,” and there is a thin connection. Except they didn’t put in any Cat People, and there’s barely any cat. There might be a ghost, but it’s really pushing it to call it horror. It’s an okay family drama about a little girl with an overactive imagination who struggles to fit in without being judged insane. Though she might be skirting the edge of it. We’d rate it as just okay, and downright misleading in the title and the scary-looking poster.

Spoilery Synopsis

A bunch of kids take a class trip to the park. Some boys see a black cat in a tree and pretend to shoot it. The girls all pick on Amy because she’s “only a little different.” She talks to bugs. A boy squishes a butterfly, and she slaps him; this results in the parents being called.

The principal talks to Oliver and Alice, from the first film, about Amy’s lack of friends. “Something moody; something sickly. She’s almost like Irena’s child,” Oliver thinks. Alice says he spends too much time thinking about Irena, and Amy really is Alice’s child.

Amy has a birthday party, and no children show up. Amy begged to mail the invitations herself, but then she didn’t. It turns out that she put them in an old tree that she imagines is a magic mailbox, not a real mailbox. The three have a small party, just them and Edward, the servant. She wishes to “be a good girl” and act like a normal kid.

Amy goes exploring at the nearby haunted house, and someone inside gives her a ring. Could it be a magic wishing ring? Amy says, “I wish for a friend,” with her new ring. She tells Oliver about the house later, and he gets angry– she’s just too bound up in fantasies and her overactive imagination.

Alice tells Amy that she needs to return that ring to the old house. Mrs. Callahan, the teacher, comes over, and they talk about Oliver’s first wife, and how he hasn’t really gotten over her. Sometimes, Alice thinks Irena haunts the house.

Meanwhile, Amy goes back to the old house to return the ring. She meets Barbara Farren, who is sullen and creepy. The old woman comes in, laughing like a maniac, and gives Amy a good scare. “I’ve been watching you,” Julia Farren says. She’s an aging stage actress who doesn’t want the ring back. She doesn’t much care for Barbara, “a liar and a cheat!” The old lady then tells little Amy the story of the headless horseman. Barbara shows them the way out, but she never says a word.

Julia says her daughter Barbara died when she was six, but adult Barabara swears she’s really Julia’s daughter. “You are an imposter!” the old woman proclaims.

That night Amy dreams about the headless horseman, but this time, the wishing ring brings her someone else. A ghost who sings her a Christmas song– in French.

The next morning, Amy finds a photo of Irena, Oliver’s dead wife. She likes the name and soon sees that the ghost is Irena herself. “I come from great darkness and deep peace. You must promise never to tell anyone about me.” They play all day, but winter is coming, and it’s getting cold outside…

Christmas is coming, and now everything is decorated. Amy has gotten gifts for everyone she knows, plus one box with no name on it. A bunch of carolers come by and Alice invites them all inside. Amy sees Irena outside singing along with them, again in French. Amy gives her her present. Later, she takes a gift to Mrs. Farren who hasn’t even opened Barbara’s gift.

Soon, Christmas is over and they burn bits of the tree in the fireplace for luck. Amy finds another photo of Irena, and this time, she tells Oliver that she’s her special friend. “She plays with me in the garden all the time,” says Amy. “She’s there whenever I call her.”

They go outside. Amy sees Irena, but Oliver doesn’t see anyone. He tries to make her say she doesn’t see anyone, but she doesn’t cooperate. Oliver takes Amy upstairs and spanks her. “First spanking is an important occasion,” says Miss Callahan.

Oliver tells Callahan about the lies that Irena told herself; “In the end, she went completely mad. She killed a man and then killed herself.” Callahan tells him all about imaginary friends and that it isn’t so unusual.

Irena appears to Amy and says goodbye before vanishing. Amy goes out into the snowy woods looking for her vanished friend. She hears the headless horseman and hides from him in terror– nope, it’s just a car. She gets lost in the blizzard and eventually ends up at the Farren house.

The old woman complains “It was on a night like this that Barbara died.” Barbara tries again to explain that she really is her daughter. Barbara blames all this on Amy. “If that little girl comes by again, I’ll kill her!”

The police have bloodhounds out looking for Amy, who has passed out in the snow. She hears the dogs and runs away, banging on the old woman’s door. “I must hide you,” says the crazy old woman. She collapses on the stairs, too old to go all the way up.

Barbara spots Amy and closes in malevolently. “Even my mother's last moment you’ve stolen from me!” Suddenly, Amy sees Irena and hugs her. It’s really Barbara, who hears Amy calling her “my friend” and can’t harm her now. Oliver, Alice, and the police barge in.

Amy says she still sees Irena in the garden, and now Oliver says he can see her too..

Brian’s Commentary

This is only marginally related to “Cat People” (1942). It’s got a couple of the same characters, now married with a child, and the main character returns as a ghost. Other than that, there’s nothing here about cat people or curses at all. It’s mostly about a child with an overactive imagination and how people think she’s borderline insane– or maybe it’s a ghost story.

It’s barely horror. It’s barely a sequel. It’s an OK story, but the whole title is very misleading.

Kevin’s Commentary

The poster is cool; the best part of the whole affair. The movie doesn’t live up to it. Sometimes, when a movie ends, you wonder what happened next to some of the characters, and this gives us a continuation of sorts from “Cat People.” But it’s not really very interesting, and certainly pushing it to call it horror. I’d rate it “meh.”

Short Films:

2024 Short Film: Hide Your Crazy

* Directed by Austin Kase

* Written by Austin Kase

* Stars Amy-Helene Carlson, Will Toussaint

* Run Time: 13:36

* Watch it:

What Happens

Iris rushes into her house to find that she’s not alone. It’s a surprise birthday party set up by her boyfriend, Dan. She is surprised, for sure, but not exactly happy about it as he explains everything. He’s also cleaned her kitchen, which upsets her tremendously. She insists that he leave, but he demands to stay and talk it out. He soon finds that she’s more than just a little uptight.

Commentary:

“I’m not uptight, all right!?!?!”

The moral of the story is to never throw out someone else’s goat intestines and pig’s blood!

It’s very well-acted and nicely shot. We know because of the type of film that something nasty is gonna happen, but it all starts out normal enough, cute even. Then it gets really weird, really fast. The special effects are really well done and look great as well.

This is just… cute.

2014 Short Film: Flesh Computer

* Directed by Ethan Shaftel

* Written by Ethan Shaftel

* Stars David Chalmers, Elle Gabriel, Anthony Guerino

* Run Time: 13:12

* Watch it:

What Happens

We watch a girl with a cybernetic eye playing with a toy robot as a man on TV talks about consciousness and self. We cut to a couple of angry drunks outside, shooting at bottles and cats. We then cut to a man building a computer interface to a pulsing, living blob. Soon, all three of these groups combine in a very dangerous way…

Commentary

This is really neat and really weird. It’s got that whole futuristic cyberpunk grittiness, but the characters are all relatable and believable. The special effects here are mixed; the CGI fly is pretty awful, but the flesh computer and what it does toward the end are pretty good. The film is ten years old, so it can get by with the fly thing.

It’s quite good!

2024 Short Film: Slashing Through the Snow

* Directed by Chance Stewart

* Written by Chance Stewart

* Stars Hannah Dienhart, Zion Baron, Conrinne Nuncio, Liz Luna, Hayden Stewart

* Run Time: 12:10

* Watch it:

What Happens

Cindy and Billy argue about her sleeping with his best friend. They hear a news report about a madman running loose in the neighborhood, and they’ve left the back door unlocked. Mayhem ensues.

Commentary

It’s got a decent enough story and it moves quickly. There’s some drama so we care about the characters, but the cinematography leaves a bit to be desired. Some scenes are blurry, the audio is a little mushy, and at times, it’s overshadowed by the music. It was a student film, so we’ll cut it some slack– there’s a complete story here, and there’s never any doubt as to what’s going on. It delivers some slashy goodness.

2024 Short Film: The Bottom

* Directed by Morgan Ruaidhrí O'Sullivan, James Kautz

* Written by James Kautz

* Stars Alex Grubbs, James Kautz, Earl Rothfus

* Run Time: 8:05

* Watch it:

What Happens

“What’s at the bottom of the lake? What’s waiting down there?” One man points a shotgun at a naked man at the side of the lake. He’s going to shoot if the naked man doesn’t do as he’s told. These guys have been friends a long time, so there’s some confusion as to why this is happening. The two talk back and forth, playing mind games with each other. How will this end?

Commentary

It certainly looks cold, that’s for darned sure. John really knows how to hold a grudge, even after 25 years. Will he go into the lake, or won’t he? And what will he find if he does? There’s some psychological metaphorical thing going on here that I don’t quite grasp, but it’s very well-made and creepy, even without any obvious gore.

2024 Short Film: Twinkle

* Directed by Kheireddine El-Helou

* Written by Kheireddine El-Helou

* Stars Britni Camacho, Gregory Battle

* Run Time: 4:02

* Watch it:

What Happens

A woman takes care of an old deaf man, her father. She turns on his hearing aid and then goes into the next room to make tea. The old man starts hearing mysterious music in his hearing aid. There’s a bright light from outside and a wave of pulsating energy wave sweeps through. The lights blink, and when the girl returns, her father gets up out of his wheelchair, a new man...

Commentary

It’s very sharp-looking in black and white.

We don’t know exactly what happened here or why. Since it also happened outside, I’m guessing an alien attack or something of the sort. Or possibly some sort of energy burst from the sun or out in space. There’s a lot of the story we don’t get, but what we do see is interesting and very well shot– I’d like to see more of this story!

Contact Info:

Email:

* mailto:[email protected]

Websites:

* https://www.horrorguys.com

* https://www.horrormonthly.com

We’re continuing our December of Holiday Horror with five more holiday-themed scare classics. We’ll open on the hilariously low-budget, yet still somehow awesome, “Cadaver Christmas” from 2011, and then have a fancy dinner with the family in “Mercy Christmas” from 2017. Then we’ll stop and go “Black Friday” (2021) shopping. We’ll then travel to France to get a strange German gift in “The Advent Calendar” (2021). Lastly, we’ll do an old classic, the 1951 version of “A Christmas Carol,” aka “Scrooge.” 

And, of course, we have five excellent short films for you, although they aren’t particularly holiday-themed.  

The latest issue of “Horror Monthly” is now on sale, with 43 reviews plus a short story, this time by Brian. Check out Issue #39 and all our books with one easy link: https://horrormonthly.com

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"Galactic Rap " Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

We’re continuing our December of Holiday Horror with five more holiday-themed scare classics. We’ll open on the hilariously low-budget, yet still somehow awesome, “Cadaver Christmas” from 2011, and then have a fancy dinner with the family in “Mercy Christmas” from 2017. Then we’ll stop and go “Black Friday” (2021) shopping. We’ll then travel to France to get a strange German gift in “The Advent Calendar” (2021). Lastly, we’ll do an old classic, the 1951 version of “A Christmas Carol,” aka “Scrooge.”

And, of course, we have five excellent short films for you, although they aren’t particularly holiday-themed.

The latest issue of “Horror Monthly” is now on sale, with 43 reviews plus a short story, this time by Brian. Check out Issue #39 and all our books with one easy link: https://horrormonthly.com

Get all our reviews once a week: https://www.horrorweekly.com

Mainstream Films:

2011 A Cadaver Christmas

* Directed by Joe Zerull

* Written by Daniel Rairdin-Hale, Hanlon Smith-Dorsey, Joe Zerull

* Stars Daniel Rairdin-Hale, Hanlon Smith-Dorset, Yoshi Hayashi

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 25 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This one embraces a grindhouse look with goofiness and over the top acting, and it works really well. The script is well written. It’s gory and funny, a ride that’s pretty continuously wild. We really liked this one.

Spoilery Synopsis

The news report complains that it’s gonna rain on Christmas; no white Christmas this year. The guy at the bar, Tom, gets all teary-eyed at a cartoon about hippos. Then a janitor comes in, covered in blood, asking about the bathrooms. Eddie the bartender calls Sam the sheriff about the man in the bathroom.

The man comes out of the bathroom and explains that he’s the janitor at the university. As he was cleaning, he noticed blood spots on the floor, which he followed. He was soon attacked by zombies. Sam comes in and yells that there’s a bunch of cadavers in the parking lot going crazy. Credits roll.

The four men go out into the parking lot and fight zombies with a snow shovel. Sam seems to think the janitor is responsible for all this. Sam’s got a “perp” in the backseat, arrested for having sex with a goat. The five men drive to the university, and the janitor does a flashback about calling the police.

The group gets to the university, but the cadavers are all gone, even the ones the janitor already killed. Sam admits that he’s not a cop anymore; another flashback to where he admits to killing his partner, Carol, a K9.

The Perp wanders off and finds a corpse that he likes. He leans in and kisses it; the burned-up corpse is much prettier than Betsy the goat. He soon gets down to business as Tom goes off to take a dump. The janitor changes his uniform and gears up for battle. The Perp’s dead friend comes to life, but the janitor is there to kill it again.

Eddie and Tom run into the zombies and Eddie gets bitten. The perp knows the rules of zombies and says that Eddie’s gonna turn. The janitor then tells everything that led up to this, including Professor Hildencress’s disappearance. The group encounters Kristen, the head of security, and she refuses to call 911 for real but joins their group.

They find the professor's office and read his notes. He was trying to fight a brain disease by using zombie snails. He writes about receiving a new load of cadavers for Christmas. He injects the bodies with his serum. The serum failed; it won’t cure cancer. On the other hand, the dead started to rise up and walk.

Suddenly, Eddie flips out and attacks Kristen, and she turns into a zombie immediately. The janitor impales Eddie with a student desk, and Kristen bites Sam. The janitor breaks the Perp’s leg so the zombies will eat him first.

Tom, Sam, and the janitor run away from the zombies. The janitor and Sam argue over whether to call them zombies or cadavers. Sam wants to leave, but the janitor explains, “I’m a janitor; I never leave a mess uncleaned.”

Tom goes with the janitor, and they are soon battling for their lives against hordes of undead, including Eddie. It’s looking pretty grim, but Sam comes back and saves them at the last minute– at the cost of his own life. Tom drags the unconscious janitor out and sees that he’s been bitten himself. Tom does a whole monologue about the true meaning of Christmas.

The janitor wakes up and Tom starts to wonder about his own infection. We get a zombie-massacre montage as the janitor takes out a horde while Tom plays Santa Claus. The two eventually burn all the bodies in the parking lot.

Tom finally admits that he’s been bitten. He says that this was one of the best Christmases he’s had in a long time. Tom asks the janitor to kill him with the snow shovel, but the janitor says he should have turned by now. Tom’s been drinking his special blend of booze all night, and that must be a cure! Wait– all those burning bodies could have been cured?

Then the police arrive and arrest both of them for their murder spree. We get news reports and police calls as the end credits roll.

Brian’s Commentary

Now THIS is how you make a low-budget film with questionable actors. You lean into the ridiculousness. The gritty, grindhouse look of the film nicely covers what might be poor cinematography, or maybe it’s all intentional. The funny characters and goofy overacting make it all worthwhile, and the actually-very-good script bumps it all up. No one was taking this seriously, and that’s the best part. Kevin said, “They’re doing ‘bad’ right.”

Kevin’s Commentary

It was so bad it was good. Or so good at being bad. Which made for a really entertaining movie.

2017 Mercy Christmas

* Directed by Ryan Nelson

* Written by Beth Levy Nelson, Ryan Nelson

* Stars Steven Hubbell, Cole Gleason, Whitney Nelson

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 23 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A super nice and super passive guy has the worst Christmas ever when he falls victim to a family of cannibals. It’s loaded with dark humor and some over-the-top violence, so there’s some good stuff there. Its main weakness is a stretch through the middle where things bog down a bit. But it’s got a heck of a climax. We give it a moderate thumbs up.

Spoilery Synopsis

Michael Briskett invites his boss to a Christmas party. The boss turns him down but assigns him a bunch of reports he needs done by Christmas. The boss’s new assistant Cindy, drops off huge piles of reports for him to sort through.

Catherine, a grouchy bartender, says she doesn’t “do” Christmas. Then someone kills her. Someone kills an old man and a ticket scalper. The killer loads the bodies into the back of his truck.

Cindy comes to Michael’s Christmas party– she’s the only one who shows up. Michael loves Christmas, but no one loves Michael. It’s an awkward “party,” but they have a nice conversation and a nice evening. She invites him to her family’s Christmas party tomorrow night.

Cindy picks up Michael and they get to her parents’ house. Phillip, her ex, is there too, invited by Cindy’s father. They all sit down to eat ribs, and Michael chows down. They all drink an eggnog toast to “home cooking,” just before Andy, Michael’s boss, shows up. He’s Cindy’s brother. Michael then passes out, drugged.

Michael soon wakes up, tied and bound in a dark room. There are others tied up here too, the old man, the bartender, and the ticket scalper are all there as well, not killed, only kidnapped. Bart comes in and kills the old man before dismembering him with an electric knife.

Andrew says they have a problem. Michael is now part of their dinner, but he still needs those reports done by tomorrow. He drags Michael out and tells him to get to work– with electroshock torture. None of the family seem to think there’s anything weird about all this.

Granny comes in, and she wants everyone to stop and go to church. They move Michael back to the basement with the others.

When they get back, Bart and Abe chop up the ticket scalper. They talk about “leg” recipes and basketball as they work. Then they put Michael back to work on the spreadsheets.

Abe says it’s great to have all the kids together and that Christmas is his favorite time of the year. It’s their first since their mother died. Cindy shows us that she doesn’t much care for Phillip anymore.

Bart’s girlfriend, Denise, comes over for dinner, and she’s a cop. We soon see that she’s as vicious as the others. Andy thinks Bart is stupid for bringing her into all this. When it’s time to eat, she’s slow to taste it, but she eventually comes around.

Michael and Katherine, the bartender, talk about the meaning of Christmas and how sad theirs is.

Bart announces that he and Denise are getting married, and this makes Andy crazy. Abe says it’ll be fine, like their mother. Andy then goes to the basement and takes out his frustrations on Michael and Katherine.

Finally, it’s Christmas Day. Denise wakes up and sees Andy holding a knife. Eddie the scalper wakes up, legless now, and gets out of his ropes. He releases Michael, but says that Katherine is dying. Only Michael has any chance of getting out to find help.

Michael ties Eddie to his back and crawls out. Cindy and Denise come in and talk about preparing dinner. The prisoner duo run into one delay after another as they try to make it to the front door.

Denise has to leave for work, and Eddie beats her to death in the car. Michael thinks about Katherine and decides to go back inside to fight. Eddie, strapped to Michael’s back, has no real choice in the matter.

Andy goes downstairs to finish his spreadsheets. Eddie beats up Granny with an iron. Abe gets beaten with a lawn ornament hanger. Michael lets loose; he is not sorry anymore! Andy, Bart, and Cindy come in, dragging Katherine behind them, and soon, it’s three-on-three: Bart vs Eddie, Cindy vs Katherine, and Michael vs Andy. The bad guys, and Andy, get what’s coming to him.

Michael picks up Katherine and carries her outside. Michael says he was hoping for a white Christmas in Southern California. Some carolers call the police.

Brian’s Commentary

Michael is pathetic but very nice. He’s extremely passive and wimpy. I’d eat him.

The comedy here is mostly based around how twisted this normal-looking, normal-acting family can get. That and lots of food jokes. The problem here is that it’s all pretty slow-paced in the middle. Michael is not a particularly likable character– he’s just too much of a wimp, crossing the line into caricature.

Kevin’s Commentary

This was pretty good all around. I was rooting for Michael, and I’m glad he made it out in the end. Though he might be a little messed up after going through all that. It’s a movie about the worst Christmas ever inflicted on a harmless guy who loves Christmas.

2021 Black Friday

* Directed by Caset Tebo

* Written by Andy Greskoviak

* Stars Devon Sawa, Ivana Baquero, Ryan Lee, Bruce Campbell

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 24 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Being stuck working a bad retail job on Black Friday that starts on Thanksgiving night is bad enough. Adding an alien-spawned zombie invasion just makes things worse. This one is all around good, with a strong cast, entertaining story, and excellent special effects. It’s got a lot of humor mixed with the horror, and we’d recommend it.

Spoilery Synopsis

Some men are in the store on Thanksgiving putting up banners and decorations for Black Friday, and there are already people waiting outside. There’s a crash, and Monty finds a pulsating blob on the floor. It opens up like a facehugger egg, and bad things happen before the credits roll.

Ken takes the two kids to drop them off at their mom’s house, and they don’t like Mom’s new boyfriend. Ken explains that “heroes work on the holidays,” and heads to pick up Chris, who leaves his family and heads to work too. They talk about how depressing it is to leave their families for this crap.

At the “We Luv Toys” store, the shoppers are lined up around the building, and some complain that they don’t feel well. Ken flirts with Marnie as the radio talks about tonight’s meteor shower.

Corporate has said “Black Friday” is racist, so now Anita wants them all to call it “Green Friday” instead. She also threatens to write up Chris for not having his shirt tucked in. Lou the truck driver comes in, needing the bathrooms for an emergency. Jonathan, the manager, gives them all a pep talk over the intercom. Also, there will be no paid breaks tonight. The crew is… unenthusiastic at best. Emmet is Ken’s new “Shadow,” and he’s never worked retail before.

Brian opens the doors and the mob pours in. It’s insane. Chris finds sticky snot all over his cash register, and Marnie notices some of the customers look… off. Some of them are clearly wrong somehow, and they aren’t even sick. Brian tells Chris to clean up a pile of barf on the floor, but it’s not a normal barf. The sick man attacks Chris, and maintenance man Archie gets involved.

Brian and Anita zip-tie Chris to a chair. “This is a citizen’s arrest.” Jonathan wants to know what’s going on. Another of the mutant zombie customers attacks Emmett, and Ken rescues him. Ken wants to know what’s wrong, but Jonathan says it’s just normal Black– er, Green Friday. Brian calls the police and gets sent to voicemail. As Anita and Ken argue, Emmet starts convulsing and something inside him kills Anita as everyone watches.

Jonathan calls Schaumberg, the manager of another store, and her store has been overrun by mutant customers. Jonathan swears it’s all going to blow over. Then Anita gets up and runs them all out of the back room.

The group splits up to assess the situation, and they all run into trouble. There are body parts everywhere, but the “shoppers” seem to be building something. Lou attacks Ken and Jonathan, and Jonathan finally does something.

Jonathan lets it slip that there are not going to be any holiday bonuses this year, and layoffs to follow. Everyone quits. The police arrive, but they drive through the window, releasing the horde outside that wants inside for some reason.

Archie’s a badass, but he runs into some full-on undead zombies, and the blob monster finally gets him. Marnie finds that it's really hard to stop one of the mutant creatures. “I don’t think the night can get any worse,” she says. Then the lights go out.

They all sit around and talk about how bad their jobs are and how long they’ve been here. They’re sad people in thankless jobs, and they all soon devolve into arguments.

Meanwhile, the glowing, pulsing blob has gotten bigger in the nest the creatures have built for it. Emmet, who is one of the dead creatures, stands up and starts mutating as the group watches. It bites Ken, who expects to change soon. He soon figures out that it was Brian who bit him, and he wasn’t infected after all.

Chris and the others get into a semi truck on the loading dock, but Chris has no idea how to drive the truck. They all have to go back inside and up to the roof after a mob of mutants attack the truck. They soon find themselves trapped between fire, mutants, and the blob. Jonathan has finally had enough and jumps down into the horde, ranting all the while.

Inside, Ken battles the evil grandma mutant. It stops fighting to make clicking noises in front of the giant blob. It appears to have absorbed all the humanoid mutants.

Outside, Marnie, Chris, and Brian watch as the blob grows bigger than the store and becomes a giant King-Kong-sized mutant mess. Brian decides to try to talk to it, and that goes about as expected. Ken runs out of the building and joins Chris and Marnie.

Chris impales the thing with a forklift to the eye, but that only enrages it. The entire building collapses as the humans pile into Ken’s car and drive away, with the giant Kaiju rampaging in the background.

Brian’s Commentary

All the way back to “Dawn of the Dead,” zombies have always been about “consumerism,” but this one isn’t even trying to be subtle about it.

It picks on all the retail and corporate jokes and tropes, especially the Black Friday stuff. The characters are all realistic types, from the suck-up assistant manager and “employee of the month” to the old-timers who don’t really do anything. We’ve all worked with these characters before.

The acting for these stereotypical characters is just fine; the monster effects and makeup are great, and the overall concept is fun. It was pretty decent.

And I really want a “Dour Dennis” toy.

Kevin’s Commentary

This was unique enough of a zombie tale with the space alien element to make it interesting. The casting was great, the effects are really good. I had a fun time watching this one.

2021 The Advent Calendar

* Directed by Patrick Ridremont

* Written by Patrick Ridremont

* Stars Eugenie Derouand, Honorine Magnier, Clement Olivieri

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 44 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Not long into it, we get the picture that the Advent calendar isn’t just a benign magic object. It’s a trope that wishes can have consequences, and this one spices it up enough to make it very interesting. It’s well done, and like a real Advent calendar the fun is in seeing what the next little gift is going to be as the big finish approaches. We both liked it with Brian rating it good, and Kevin rating it great.

Spoilery Synopsis

A guy flirts with Eva at the pool, and we soon see that she’s in a wheelchair. Then we cut to her recording herself, maybe standing, as she warns us to follow the rules… or die. Credits roll.

Eva goes home and puts out some dinner for her dog. Eventually, she climbs into her dark, dank bedroom and has a flashback to the traffic accident that put her in the chair. It’s December 3rd.

Her boss doesn’t like her and says she costs too much to keep her around, but he doesn't have a lot of choices. She calls her father, but he’s got too much dementia to even remember who she is, and her stepmother is on the wicked side.

Friend Sophia stops in, and she’s very upbeat. She’s brought a present from Germany, a big fancy Advent calendar. On the back, it says, “Dump it and I’ll kill you,” which they both find to be hilarious.

When Eva opens the first door, she pulls out a chocolate. We also see something wake up. The wrapper is printed with a warning. “The calendar contains candy. If you eat one, eat them all, or I’ll kill you.” “Germans are grim,” Sophia adds. Since it’s the third of the month, she opens up three compartments. “To kill hurt, kill what hurt you,” the third day’s note says. The fourth door won’t open early.

At midnight, the box calls for her to open the fourth door. It’s something Biblical about cripples being able to walk, which they both find a little offensive. She doesn’t eat that one. Later when she eats a piece of her father’s favorite candy, she gets a phone call from him– on a disconnected phone.

At work, Eva is told to train her replacement by John, her boss, who is also cutting her hours. Sophia wonders if the calendar had a hallucinogenic candy to make it seem that Eva’s father called. She doesn’t know much, since she stole the box.

Sophia takes Eva out to a bar with Boris and Thomas. Thomas is nice, but Boris is a bit of a jerk. Eva likes Thomas, but Sophia “steals” him away at the last minute.

Eva passes out on the way home, and Boris takes advantage of her. When she reacts badly, he literally dumps her out on the street. The “Ich” in the box pops up. When she yells “Drop dead,” a little car rolls out of the advent calendar. As the dog plays with the toy car, bad things happen to the real car.

The next day, Eva hears about Boris’s death and remembers what she yelled. Not only did Boris send her a text after he died, but he left her some money. At midnight, the box wants attention. This time, it’s a candy heart.

At the coffee shop the next day, she drops the candy heart into the drink of a guy she likes. He immediately notices Eva and comes to sit with her; he’s William. They end up staying all day. That night, she waits until midnight eagerly. This time, it’s a little clock that says “10:30.” She eats it.

Somehow Eva misses four days that passed without her being aware of it. John, the boss, really chews her out and then fires her. Again, she wonders if the candy has drugs in it. She tells William all about it.

That night, she silences the machine, so at midnight, it releases a dog treat and lets Marvin the dog out. In the morning, the dog comes home covered in blood. He’s also got boss John's necklace embedded in his mouth. When Eva calls, John’s phone goes to voicemail. Eva figures out that this and the situation with Boris are connected.

On the 12th, she gets another “Arise and Walk” candy like the one earlier that she didn’t eat. This time, she does, along with the first one from a week before. She goes into convulsions and passes out.

She wakes up in the hospital; William is with her. They found her out in the street without her wheelchair, but she doesn’t remember how she got there.

At midnight, the box uses Eva’s sickly roommate to deliver a message. She opens the box and finds a Satanic communion wafer inside. The woman eats it and soon dies. Boris’s investment app continually notifies Eva about how much money her investment has made.

The next day, Eva goes to see her father, and evil Agnes, his wife, is selling the house. She gives the next candy to her father, who eats it and then gives her a big hug. He’s suddenly lucid and asks Eva to help him join her dead mother. He wants to die. He warns her cryptically, “If you want to walk, you’ll have to kill. If you refuse, you’ll be sacrificed.”

Eva gets another “Arise and Walk” but this time, she shows it to William, who is a nurse. She wants him to observe what happens when she eats this one. She falls out of the chair and has a seizure. Afterwards, she can feel him touching her legs. It doesn’t last forever, but they have an entertaining night.

Eva goes to the pool, and William finds Eva’s keys that she dropped in his car. He takes the keys home to her house. He finds the door open, and inside, he finds Eva’s papers outlining what the candies have done, including the one that “charmed” him. He takes the Advent Calendar and throws it into the river. The sky turns purple and “Ich” comes up out of the water and drowns him.

Eva, at the pool, falls back into the water, but when she comes up, she’s in the river– and it’s night. Ich walks up, carrying the calendar. She wakes up again at home. The flirter from the pool is at the door; he’s brought her clothes. She’s… still not interested.

That night, the candy glows, but she still eats it. She sees what happened to William, but from inside the calendar’s point of view.

On the 18th day, the calendar pops out a knife with a picture of her dog on it. Sophie comes home and she finds a trail of blood all over the floor. Eva has killed her dog. Sophie immediately comes to the conclusion that she’s crazy and decides to move in with her now. That night, Sophie opens the box and pockets the candy, something with a phallus on it. She lies and tells Eva it was just gum. We flash back and see that it was Sophie who caused the crash that paralyzed Eva. “I don’t blame her; I don’t want her hurt,” Eva tells herself.

On the 20th, Thomas takes the girls hunting at his cabin. The box pops open and “Ich” isn’t there. Eva says she wants her legs back. “I’m what hurt you,” Sophia admits. Eva warns her to leave or he will kill her. Instead, Sophia gives Thomas the candy from earlier; she thinks it’s a big Viagra pill. Suddenly, the whole house starts to shake and the bedroom door explodes with dead Sophia flying out. Thomas doesn’t last long himself.

Ich comes out, and he wants Eva to eat her candy. She eats it and then walks home, carrying the box with her. She finds out who the previous owner of the Advent Calendar was by opening a hidden compartment that contains a painted canvas and drives to Germany to see him. The painter has been blind for five years, so he couldn’t have painted the canvas she found inside the box. We get flashbacks to the people he killed. He sacrificed his whole family for what he found in the box in exchange for being able to see again, but it’s all reverted and undone now except for the message he left in the calendar for the next owner.

On the 22nd, there’s a doll that resembles Myriam, the woman who replaced her at work. Eva does bad things to the doll, and the woman suffers.

The next night, she gets her father’s candy again, along with a pistol. At her father’s house, evil Agnes opens up gifts, including the Advent Calendar. She puts it in the fire, but Ich doesn’t like that and kills her. Eva gives her father the candy, and he wakes up from dementia. “It’s my turn,” he says. It’s hard, but she shoots him, as he wanted.

On the 23rd, the pool guy shows up and is shocked that Eva’s not paralyzed anymore. “I got over it,” she jokes. She knows it’s only temporary, since these things all are going to revert to the way they were before the calendar, like they did with the painter.

Eva records a message for the next owner of the box, explaining how it all works. Then she does some ballet, which is quite impressive for a paraplegic.

On the 24th, the pool-friend thinks he’s found a loophole in the rules and tells her not to eat the final candy. She doesn’t have to. He throws the box off the roof, and nothing happens. So, she can not eat the candy and stay healed - with everyone dead. Or she can eat it and go back to being paralyzed with everything undone, everyone back alive as they were, and no memory of any of it. The calendar is cruel.

One year later, there’s a man watching Eva’s message that she’s left inside the box. It didn’t end…

Brian’s Commentary

Eva’s had a rough year, and we want her to get better, even when the box does bad things to bad people. Still, we know things are going to escalate and get out of hand, because that’s what kind of movie this is.

We didn’t know how it would end until it did. We didn’t exactly understand the whole “reverting” thing that was kind of thrown in at the last moment, but it made enough sense to get by.

It was good.

Kevin’s Commentary

I thought Eugenie Derouand nailed the role of Eva as a complex individual handed a gift that is both fantastic and terrible. It builds nicely, and horribly, as the days pass and the calendar does more things, and the climax cruelly presents her with an agonizing choice. The direction, writing, and effects all make for a complete package. I really liked this one a lot.

1951 A Christmas Carol

* AKA “Scrooge”

* Directed by Brian Desmond Hurst

* Written by Charles Dickens, Noel Langley

* Stars Alastair Sim, Jack Warner, Kathleen Harrison

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 26 Minutes

* Watch it entirely:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This was a solid rendition of the story. Alastair Sim as Scrooge was believable in the role, and the rest of the cast was very good as well. The special effects are minimal, and limited to 1951 technology, but they get the job done. It’s not exactly horror in the scary sense, but it is a ghost story, with four main ones and a flock of others seen briefly. If you’re looking for a version to see, (there are more than 100 out there) this is a very good one and thought of by many as “the definitive version.”

Spoilery Synopsis

We hear that old Marley was dead for seven years. His partner, Mr. Scrooge, runs the business. It’s Christmas, but Scrooge says that’s “a humbug” and leaves.

Outside, a man asks for more time to pay back the money Scrooge loaned him. On the walk to his office, he runs off some children singing carols. A charity man comes to the office, wanting money for the poor, but Scrooge says they should just send the poor to the workhouse or prison. He refuses to donate anything to charity.

Scrooge’s nephew Fred comes in and wishes his uncle a merry Christmas. Scrooge doesn’t approve of his nephew’s wife, but he’s invited to dinner anyway. Fred is nice, and he wishes the Cratchit family a merry Christmas on the way out. Bob Cratchit is Scrooge’s underpaid clerk.

We cut to Tim Cratchit and his mother, in town to buy a goose. Tim walks with a crutch. She complains that Bob’s boss makes him work so late on Christmas Eve. If Scrooge had his way, they’d all work through Christmas.

On the way home Scrooge sees dead-Marley’s face in the door knocker but goes inside anyway. He’s creeped out, but he locks the door and sits with his gruel in front of the fireplace. He starts to hear scary noises before he sees the ghost of Jacob Marley. The ghost drags around heavy boxes that are chained to him. Scrooge thinks maybe he’s just got indigestion or something. Marley explains that he wears the chains he forged in life; he made his own curse. He also points out that it’s not too late for Scrooge to turn his life around and avoid the same fate; he will be visited by three spirits tonight.

At one a.m., Scrooge wakes up to see an old man in white in his room. He says he’s the Spirit of Christmas Past, and he knows all about Scrooge’s younger days. Scrooge sees his boyhood school; young Scrooge is inside and Fan, his sister, comes in to take him home for Christmas. Scrooge’s father has changed his mind, and now Scrooge is allowed to return home. Scrooge’s mother died in childbirth for Scrooge, and his father never forgave him.

The scene changes, and now Scrooge and the spirit are at Fezziwig’s Christmas party. This is where young Scrooge apprenticed, and he remembers being very happy here. They watch as young Scrooge proposes to Alice. Fezziwig believes there are more important things than money. We then cut to Fan on her deathbed. Scrooge and Marley are savvy businessmen who weasel their way into majority ownership.

Time passes and Marley gets sick. Scrooge works all day and goes over to his partner’s house after closing. When he arrives, the undertaker is there waiting. Marley says “We were wrong. Save yourself” just before dying. Scrooge wakes up back in his own bed.

Then a second ghost appears. This one is the Spirit of Christmas Present, and he shows him Bob Cratchit and his family. They all seem happy, even though Tim is a sickly cripple. The Spirit tells Scrooge that the young boy is going to die soon because of lack of medical care, and this distresses Scrooge. They’re poor but happy, and Bob wants to drink a toast to his boss. Mrs. Cratchit has nothing nice to say about the old miser. The ghostly pair pops over to Fred’s house, and Fred’s family hates Scrooge as well. He then sees Alice, who lives in the poorhouse helping the sick and destitute.

The spirit shows him two childlike ghosts, Ignorance and Want. These represent the people Scrooge wanted to send to the workhouse and prisons. The second spirit fades away.

Then it’s time for the Spirit of Things to Come. Scrooge thinks he may be too old to change his ways now. This ghost doesn’t speak at all.

They appear outside the window of the Cratchit house. They aren’t looking so happy now, since Tiny Tim has died. Bob comes home; he’s been to the cemetery where they’re going to bury their son.

Then they pop over to the poorhouse, where the women there talk about stealing from a dead man. They didn’t much like this particular dead man. Old Joe, the “fence” offers a pittance for the loot. Scrooge’s housekeeper even stole the dead man’s blankets out from under his corpse and the curtains from around the bed.

They move to the dead man’s funeral. The men don’t want to attend the funeral unless there’s a free lunch provided. Scrooge asks who died, but the Spirit doesn’t answer. They soon move to the cemetery, where Scrooge sees his own cemetery. Scrooge begs to have the opportunity to change what he sees.

Scrooge wakes up in his bed again. There’s knocking at the door. The maid comes in, and he asks what day it is, and is shocked to hear that it’s still Christmas Day. He’s happy and giddy to the point of goofiness. He sings, dances, and tries to stand on his head, making the housekeeper think he’s lost his mind. He gives her a Christmas bonus and a raise.

Scrooge yells down to a boy on the street and tells him to go to the butcher and order the prize goose. “I’ll send it to Bob Cratchit. It’s twice the size of Tiny Tim.” Tiny Tim believes the goose came from Mr. Scrooge, but no one else does.

Scrooge himself goes to Fred’s party and spends time with his own family. Fred is thrilled, but the others are reluctant. Scrooge apologizes to Fred’s wife for ignoring her all these years. He dances with her, and is nice, and everyone is happy.

Bob Cratchit shows up for work a minute or two late, and Scrooge makes a big production out of it. He gives Bob a raise and says he wants to help Bob’s family. Scrooge has trouble stopping laughing because he’s so happy.

Afterward, Scrooge was always a good man and a good friend. Tiny Tim got well, and didn’t need the crutches anymore.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s well acted for sure, but the special effects are a bit iffy. Still, that’s not the point of the story. This is widely regarded as the best version of the Dickens story, and it is very good. It’s fairly close to the book, and there’s not a lot of fluff here.

Kevin’s Commentary

The acting and direction are great. The effects are the best they could do in 1951, but they help tell the story. I haven’t seen a lot of versions of this, but I understand this follows the original story closely, and it is a good one. If you’re in the mood for an interesting Christmas parable, this is a good one.

Short Films:

2019 Short Film: Special Day

* Directed by Teal Greyhavens

* Written by Nikolai von Keller

* Stars Maya Bowman, Laura Wernette, Caesar James

* Run Time: 7:08

* Watch it:

What Happens

It’s Emily’s birthday, and her extended family makes a huge deal out of it. “We’re all so proud of you,” says her dad. Everyone in their family has either been successful or gone insane. He attributes their success to a special gift that she’s finally old enough to share.

She was born at 9:03 p.m., and at that same time tonight, she hears “it” outside. There’s a man outside that now she can see. “It’s not a man; just think of it as a new friend.”

Commentary

I don’t see why the family couldn’t have let Emily in on the secret ahead of time. Sure, she wouldn’t have been able to see the man until now, but she’d have been way less freaked out, maybe even eager, if she’s known what to expect.

Once we heard the rules of the Sentinel, it was pretty obvious where this was heading. It’s short, it’s simple, and it’s really well done. There’s not much more to this story that we could logically ask for, but I’d still like to see more!

2024 Short Film: He Sees You: A Winter Solstice Horror

* Directed by Zachary Padgett

* Written by Zachary Padgett

* Stars Zachary Padgett

* Run Time: 6:23

* Watch it:

What Happens

A man is working on making dinner alone at home. We watch him through the window from the very well-lit patio. He soon goes upstairs and watches a video about the history of Christmas, Saturnalia, and Yule.

Suddenly, the lights go out. He checks out the lamp, and the bulb has been removed. He goes into the kitchen, and the bulbs have been removed there as well. The patio has gone dark; no bulbs. He finds a bulb in a drawer and turns on the light…

Bad idea!

Commentary

I’m not quite sure what the connection of the Yule video has with the monster, but it was included for some reason, so I guess it’s a monster from history. The camera work is good, especially since much of the film is dark, and the quiet music and sound effects add a lot to the mystery of the story.

I don’t think I completely understood the “lore” part of the story, but it’s well done!

2024 Short Film: Naughty Bells of Holy Hells

* Directed by “The Helmers”

* Written by “The Helmers”

* Stars George Sternlicht, Ari Sternlicht, David Sternlicht, Peter Sternlicht

* Run Time: 6:25

* Watch it:

What Happens

A man brutally murders a snowman and then stomps on presents. He then tackles one of those bell-ringers and beats him to death. There is a “Gossip” and a “Sinner” in medieval stocks wearing pig masks. The politician gets an even worse fate. The Gossip, one of the guys in the stocks, starts to torment the other, the Sinner, in the only way he can in the current situation.

The torturer eventually comes over and releases the Sinner. What’s he going to do for revenge?

Commentary

The Bells! No, not the bells!

It’s well-filmed and shot in an interesting way. It’s nonsensical and surreal. We don’t really know why any of this is happening, but only one of them is having any fun.

I will point out that the credits at the end have the hardest-to-read-font I’ve ever seen. I think maybe there was a director and writer for this, but…. I just can’t. Oh, and there is a scene after the credits.

2024 Short Film: The Goat Monster vs Fat Werewolf

* Directed by Shortest Blockbusters

* Written by Shortest Blockbusters

* Stars Animated

* Run Time: 5:00

* Watch it:

What Happens

The goatman admires his pregnant wife’s belly as their child roams around nearby. They all soon see that a giant spider is stalking them. If that wasn’t bad enough, there’s a huge werewolf hunting them. The goat man is smart and starts a forest fire before fighting back. The various monsters fight to the death, and it’s all very dramatic.

Commentary

The very first scene immediately made me think “This was done by AI,” but as it progressed, I started to doubt that. The characters are all consistent throughout the various action scenes, and there is a logical plot going on throughout the short film. I suspect this is all regular computer generated imagery, without the AI stuff that we usually trash so heavily.

It looks good, the creature designs are excellent, and there’s even an emotional component to it. It’s all very sharp, and I especially like the scene in the rain at the end.

OK, I admit it, I liked this one.

2024 Short Film: The Unseen

* Directed by Xander Ross

* Written by Xander Ross

* Stars Sophie Stewart, Teddy Jones, Joseph Hunt

* Run Time: 5:48

* Watch it:

What Happens

A student researches the “Angel of Death” at the library. She wraps that up and then walks home across campus. Even before she leaves, we see that she’s not alone, but outside, she spots a dark man in a plague doctor’s outfit following her.

Until suddenly, he’s in front of her, and he wants to show her a magic trick.

Commentary

It all looks and sounds good, with nice pacing. The creature looks cool without needing any special effects. The girl looks suitably terrified and confused in every scene.

We aren’t quite sure why this is all happening, but it’s fun seeing how it works out.

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We’re continuing our December of Holiday Horror with five more holiday-themed scare classics. We shall start with He Who Shall Not be Named in “The Mean One” (2022). We’ll then abuse the homeless in “Good Tidings” (2016), then go to an alternate universe in “It’s a Wonderful Knife” (2023). We’ll wander around the parking garage looking for a Christmas turkey in “P2” (2007) and then watch an oldie with “Whoever Slew Auntie Roo?” from 1972.

And, of course, we have five excellent short films for you, although they aren’t particularly holiday-themed.

The latest issue of “Horror Monthly” is now on sale, with 43 reviews plus a short story, this time by Brian. Check out Issue #39 and all our books with one easy link:

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Mainstream Films:

2022 The Mean One

* Directed by Steven LaMorte

* Written by Flip Kobler, Finn Kobler, Steven LaMorte

* Stars David Howard Thornton, Krystle Martin, Chase Mullins

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 32 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This was a totally fun and horror-filled take on “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas” while totally dancing around actually saying Grinch and avoiding copyright infringement. Cindy runs up against a deadly green monster that holds the town of Newville in the grip of fear. Will things work out to a happy ending like the classic cartoon? Gotta watch to find out.

Spoilery Synopsis

It’s a happy-looking Christmas, and Cindy You-know-who, when her Christmas was stolen. When his heart grew three sizes, he changed inside. Ah, but our narrator says that’s not how it happened. Turns out Cindy’s mother catches a monster in their living room and he kills her. Credits roll.

Twenty years later, Cindy returns to NewVille at the request of her therapist. Deputy Burke pulls them over because they have antlers on the car, and that’s against the town ordinance. The deputy obviously likes Cindy, and vice-versa. Lou, Cindy’s father, is all in for that to go somewhere. That night, in her old house, she wakes up with nightmares of the monster from so long ago.

In the morning at breakfast, Cindy remembers Sheriff Hooper. When she was little, she drew a picture of a green-faced monster who killed her mother. He never did believe there was a monster, just a man in a green mask. Lou complains that nobody in town sells Christmas decorations; no one buys them. Lou wants to decorate anyway.

Cindy gets locked outside the house and somehow the monster gets into the house and kills Lou. It also steals all the Christmas decorations. Cindy then wakes up in the hospital with blood on her hands. Deputy Burke takes her statement, and he’s the only one who listens. Mayor McBean is out campaigning, and she asks how Cindy is doing. Cindy swears it was the same killer who got her mother, but no one believes her description. Why would the Christmas Killer return after exactly twenty years, killing the same family?

Burke offers Cindy a reason to stay in town, but it’s not enough. The mayor and the sheriff argue about what needs to be done about Cindy.

Cindy cleans up the blood and finds a flower on the floor. Those flowers only grow on the mountain, so she decides to hike up there. She spots someone being attacked by The Grinch? (No, we don’t say Grinch - a running joke in the movie.) The victim lost her glasses and can’t describe the monster. The sheriff blames Cindy for “ending Christmas” in their whole town.

A whole vanload of drunken Santas arrives in town and stops at the diner. The diner owner goes into the back to get their drinks, and the creature comes in and murders the whole Christmas Convention without saying a word. By the time the diner owner gets out of the walk-in freezer, everyone is dead. Cindy sees the news reports on TV.

That night, Cindy is attacked, but the creature is run off by an old man called Dr. Zeus. He knows all about the creature and has been watching her since she returned to town. He has his own drawing of the monster, he almost says the name, but he’s interrupted. He mostly just calls him The Mean One. He’s the reason there’s no Christmas in this town. Zeus lost his own wife to the Christmas Killer eleven years ago. He’s talked to the sheriff over and over himself.

Deputy Burke goes poking around and finds many wallets with IDs laying around in a cave on the mountain along with a dead dog. He sees the hairy green creature drag in another Santa body. Doc Zeus comes to his rescue as well.

Burke spends the evening with Cindy, and they talk about how he’s Jewish and doesn’t celebrate Christmas anyway. The two soon find themselves in the shower together, but then the monster attacks– nope, just a dream. Cindy vows to kill the monster, and we get a training and bomb-making montage. She quickly becomes a badass warrior woman through the power of montage.

The sheriff arrests Doc Zeus for driving drunk. He catches the mayor leaving town; she used to be his deputy, and they both know what’s going on. She tells him to keep covering it all up. That night, on the road, her car breaks down near the mountain and the monster bites half her face off before beheading her.

Burke comes by to tell Cindy about his research. All those wallets belong to missing hikers. There’s even a website, run by the mayor, luring hikers up to the mountain to appease the monster. He sees her stockpile of weapons but refuses to help her any further.

Burke confronts the sheriff, he knows about the coverup and her website. Even after Cindy’s mother, the murders continued every year. He knew what it was but couldn’t stop it. Since then, he’s put a stop to all Christmas stuff. All that does is enrage the creature.

Cindy has set up booby traps and bait for the monster, but she catches Doc. Doc says that Burke has gone to the mountain to kill the monster, but her plan was to bait the creature into coming to her house.

We cut to Burke, who tries to sing Christmas tunes that he doesn’t know the words to. He then steps into a bear trap. The sheriff comes to the rescue and shoots the monster in the back, but it runs away. The sheriff then goes deeper into the cave as Cindy arrives to help Burke out.

Cindy goes home and proceeds with her plan to bait the monster with Doc’s help. She fights him with all manner of hokey Christmas-themed assault weapons. The exploding Christmas tree is quite effective, and she gets him right where she wants him. She sees that he kept her necklace all these years; he knows who she is.

Cindy flashes back; the monster didn’t mean to kill her mother, it was an accident. After that, he was branded as a monster and just started living up to the role. Cindy leans down, kisses the green man, and says she forgives him. He clutches his chest and screams as his heart swells up and explodes. Because it grew three times the size.

The news points out how the Mean One photo that Cindy took has gone viral. It’s drawing all kinds of visitors to the mountains around Newville. Christmas has returned to Newville, and Cindy and now-Sheriff Burke are together now. “I bet there’s a parallel universe out there where this story is a lot more fun,” he says.

Brian’s Commentary

“The Mean One” is very obviously someone who shall not be named due to copyrights ;) One of the ongoing jokes of the film is how they skirt around actually saying his name. The rhyming narrator kinda gives it away too. Doctor Zeus drinks from a bottle of Geisel, if that hints even further.

The not-Grinch, or the Mean One, is played by David Howard Thornton, better known for playing Art the Clown in the “Terrifier” series. He’s always good in non-speaking, mime-style roles. The creature, however, looks a lot like the version of the Grinch from the Jim Carrey films.

It’s more of a horror-satire-parody than strictly a comedy, but taken in the manner it was intended, it's pretty good!

Kevin’s Commentary

I loved how they skirted around the creature being called the Grinch, and the other elements they almost-but-not-quite copied. It manages to keep the horror elements with lots of humor. The effects and cast were all very good. I liked it a lot.

2016 Good Tidings

* Directed by Stuart W. Bedford

* Written by Stuart W. Bedford, Giovanni Gentile, Stu Jopia

* Stars Alan Mulhall, Claire Crossland, Jonny Hist

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 39 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Crazy people do crazy things in this movie with no magic or monsters. The trio of bad guys is suitably creepy, masked, and silent. And the characters are fleshed out enough to care about, with decent acting all around. And realistic effects. It’s a little stretched out here and there, but overall pretty good.

Spoilery Synopsis

A man in Santa pants goes out to the backyard of his house and falls down, clearly drunk. As he puts on his coat and gets ready to get into his car, he doesn’t see the three men in masks who come up from behind and kill him. “Santa” loses his head as the three maniacs check out what’s in his trunk. Credits roll. Soon, the three maniacs are now all dressed as Santa and play kickball with the first man’s head.

A couple of homeless men, Sam and John, dumpster dive for food. We see the Santas drive past Sam and John as they go inside a closed-up courthouse downtown. Sam explains that they’ve been camping in this building for a month; no one has noticed yet. They meet Paul and Mona O’Connor, two more people living in the building. Roxy is there, and she’s an addict who’s having issues recovering; she and Sam talk about his past. The homeless have really taken over the whole building, and it’s almost like a happy little town.

Outside, the three Santas all wear masks and head toward the court building. They come in and chain the door shut behind them.

John, the new guy, is amazed that all these homeless people can be so happy. It’s almost too good to be true, he thinks. One man steps outside and one of the Santas stabs him through the eye with a candy cane. The Santas converge on the main group of people and start murdering them.

Sam, a former soldier, takes charge and leads Paul and Mona downstairs to hide in a cell. Many others try for the front doors, but they can’t get out. Paul has a heart attack, so Sam and Mona have to devise a plan. Upstairs, Roxy and John hide while others are massacred, but they are soon captured.

Sam comes upstairs and assesses the situation. Roxy and John get tormented. Sam briefly teams up with Reggie, but soon learns that the Santas have set up booby-traps; Reggie dies and Sam is captured. He gets loose and finds Val, one of his people, tied up on top of a bomb that is counting down. He can’t help her, but he makes dying sound not so bad. Wait– it’s not a bomb, just some kind of silly prank.

Paul and Mona decide to go upstairs for his heart medication, and they see a courtroom full of bodies. They don’t last long; Paul gets stabbed and Mona gets taken with the other prisoners. They make her kiss Paul’s decapitated head, which she doesn’t appreciate. Roxy wants to fight back somehow, but John is a complete coward.

John is dragged off; the Santas want his help to catch Sam. John finds Sam and tells him he killed one of the Santas. This leads to a fight between Sam and one of the Santas, who was only playing dead. Roxy and Mona also fight back in the storage room. Soon, it’s only Sam and Roxy, and he’s injured.

Sam finally gets one of the Santas alone and manages to finally kill one. Sam tells Roxy how to get out of the building and up onto the roof, and she says she’ll be back with the police. He can’t go, as he’s pretty badly beat up at this point.

Two of the Santas find the dead one, and then they fight each other but not for long. They soon find Sam, and one of them climbs up the air vent after Roxy. Roxy talks to her Santa and gets him calmed down; he lets her go. He’s actually leaving, but she lures him back by singing to him. She then stabs him to death.

Inside, the big Santa torments Sam. The big guy gets the best of Sam and starts to strangle him, but Roxy returns and interrupts. She hacks him with the machete, spraying blood everywhere. Roxy and Sam get the keys and open the front door. We get a glimpse of one of the Santas walking out the door as well.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s never explicitly stated, but in the opening scene, the three men are all wearing hospital gowns, so it’s safe to assume they’ve all escaped from a mental hospital. Their ongoing silence adds a lot to the creep factor; they move and sound more like apes than men. Lots of people die in this, but there’s very little gore at all other than a few blood splatters.

It’s very gritty, grainy, and visceral. The budget seems very low, all filmed in the one building with actors I've never heard of. It’s an interesting premise and set, distinctive characters, and unusual villains. With all this, it should be pretty good, but it’s very stretched out and it’s too long between action scenes. We never get any real motivation behind the killers other than “they’re crazy,” but it seems like there should be more to it than that.

Kevin’s Commentary

The whole attack seems random, with no reason, because the killers are crazy. Which does add to the sense of horror and helplessness. There did seem like some moments that the three killers were outnumbered to the point that they could have been overcome, but on the other hand it’s easy to watch from a comfortable chair and say “I would have rallied everyone to fight back.” I thought it was pretty good overall, with a cast that pulled it off, though it could have been tightened up a little. It was a little stretched out at some points.

2023 It’s a Wonderful Knife

* Directed by Tyler MacIntyre

* Written by Michael Kennedy

* Stars Jane Widdop, Joel McHale, Justin Long, Jess McLeod

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 27 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This was a horror take on “It’s A Wonderful Life” where a young woman stops a serial killer, and a year later wishes she had never been born. So she gets to see how different, and worse, the world would have been without her. It’s got plenty of horror loaded with dark humor. It was pretty good, a moderate thumbs up.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on Henry Waters doing a promotional video of Angel Falls. He’s the mayor, and he does the big Christmas tree lighting ceremony. Winnie, David, Jimmy, and Gale are out walking, but David is stopped by Henry, who wants him to work late, breaking up the family fun. He wants to build a new shopping mall in town, and the only holdout is one old historic house owned by old man Roger Evans, who doesn’t care for Henry. Roger brings up what a good man Henry’s father was, which offends Henry; he still refuses to sign any papers.

Winnie is friends with Cara, Roger’s granddaughter, and they talk about how evil Henry is. Meanwhile, Roger gets a knock on his door, and there’s a white-clad assassin there who jumps out and cuts the old man’s throat.

Winnie and Cara go to a party with many teenagers who all blur together indistinguishably. There’s a weird girl there who Darla tells Winnie not to socialize with. Jimmy is out in the woods with his boyfriend, and we see the killer nearby. The killer then kills Kara’s boyfriend instead. He then kills Kara in front of all the partygoers.

The killer grabs Winnie, but she breaks looks and runs away. Jimmy gets into the fight as well. As the killer attacks Jimmy, Winnie electrocutes the baddie with a car battery. She pulls off the mask, and we see that it’s mayor Henry Waters. Credits roll.

We cut to David giving a promotion ad for their Realty business. It’s been one year since the incident, and Winnie sulks over her rejection to photography school. She tells her mother that she hasn’t heard from them yet. Oh, and she misses Cara.

Winnie runs into Buck, Henry’s brother, who blames Winnie for killing his brother. For gifts, Winnie gets a pink jumpsuit, while Jimmy gets a huge new truck.

Winnie goes to another party loaded with “teenagers” and the weird girl from last year introduces herself; she’s Bernie. Robbie, Winnie’s boyfriend, is making out with Darla in the bathroom. Distraught, Winnie goes outside and wishes she was never born.

Suddenly, the sky turns green and then Winnie confronts the killer, still alive and stalking the town. Now-Sheriff Buck calls the killer “The Angel” and then arrests Winnie. The old sheriff was murdered a year ago, victim number five of twenty-six or so, and Buck took over. Buck has no idea who the killer is; Henry comes up and introduces himself. Something is very wrong here.

Winnie runs home and finds her mother home alone, drunk. David and Gale come in, but none of them recognize her. Gale explains that Jimmy is dead. David says he only had one child, and now he’s dead. Winnie leaves, confused.

As she walks through town, Winnie sees that almost everything is owned by Mayor Henry Waters. She goes to yet another teen party, but this time around, all her friends are drug addicts, and it’s all much darker. She talks to Bernie, but no one has any idea who Winnie is. Most of them have given up caring about death since there have been so many murders in town. We see the masked murderer is a lot more blatant about his work than he was before.

Winnie goes home with Bernie, who designs clothes for a hobby. She’s also got a crazy wall about the killer. Winnie tells her that Henry is the killer. She’s figured out that she’s gotten her wish and she’s seeing the world where she was never born. Jimmy was killed because she wasn’t there to save him. Just as Bernie comes to the conclusion that Winnie’s the real killer, the actual real killer breaks in and attacks them.

The pair run to the movie theater, where they watch “A Christmas Carol.” Winnie goes to sleep, so Bernie researches magical aurora borealis. If it fades away completely, she’ll be stuck here forever– unless she kills Henry again.

Winnie and Bernie go to talk to Gale, Judy, and David. David still has to work on Christmas for Mr. Waters, but he finally talks to Winnie about Jimmy. He doesn’t listen to her when she tells him who the murderer is. Also, Judy, David’s wife and Winnie’s mom, has her boyfriend/dealer right there in the house with them– until the killer gets them both.

The girls knock out the killer, and then they all have to carefully step over him on the way out. She pulls the mask off, and it’s David inside; her father is the killer now! The girls all run away. Winnie, Bernie, and Gale all know who he is now, but David just lets them get away.

They put up a big sign; “David. We are inside” outside the movie theater to lure David in. Robbie and Darla show up to spring the trap instead. As they all bicker, David kills Gale and turns out the lights. After killing some more people, Winnie impales the killer and pulls his mask off again. It’s still David, and he’s really dead.

Winnie and Bernie go to the dock and stare at the aurora, expecting her to return to her own reality. Bernie admits she was thinking of killing herself before Winnie came along, so she made a difference in this reality as well. When Winnie tells the clouds she wants her life back, nothing happens.

The original killer is still out there. They turn and hear Henry giving a speech at the tree lighting ceremony. Henry berates Buck on stage for putting in a transfer; even jerk Buck wants out of this town. Henry stabs his brother right there on stage in front of the crowd; it’s like a cult now.

Winnie confronts Henry on stage, and he’s not even pretending to hide anything. After the two girls pummel him relentlessly, the crows turn on him as well. Bernie ends up stabbing the evil mayor, and he dies… again. The green mist then shines down on Winnie, sending her home. She kisses Bernie before vanishing.

Winnie wakes up in her bedroom, and her whole family is there, alive and well, even Jimmy. She tells them about not getting into photography school, and they’re all fine with that. Winnie remembers Bernie and runs through the town, seeing everyone alive. Surprisingly, Bernie remembers the whole thing.

Brian’s Commentary

Isn’t Winnie supposed to have a guardian angel or someone to explain everything to her? At one point, Winnie tells Bernie, “You can be my Clarence.” Really, “It’s a Wonderful Life” exists in this movie, where that plot actually occurs? Several times, Henry was down for a while and no one bothered to just finish him off, even after Winnie knew that was her purpose there.

Justin Long is clearly having fun here with his silly voice; he dies twice in this one. All the acting here is good, and although there are way too many random teenagers at parties, we eventually figure out which characters matter.

It’s a tired old plot that’s been remade way too many times, but this one is well done and still has a few surprises in it.

Kevin’s Commentary

I was troubled by multiple points where they had the killer outnumbered and ran or had the killer down and ran rather than take the opportunity to finish the job. The movie should have ended sooner at several different places. But overall, it was pretty good.

2007 P2

* Directed by Franck Khalfoun

* Written by Alexandre Aja, Gregory Levasseur, Frank Khalfoun

* Stars Rachel Nichols, Wes Bentley, Simon Reynolds

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 38 Minutes

* Trailer:

*

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is a decent game of cat and mouse, with a strong female lead who fights back against a baddie. It’s well made, and in the great setting of a real underground parking ramp, but we both thought it dragged on a bit too long. The actual run time isn’t excessive, but it could have been tightened up. It deserves a moderate thumbs up.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on “P2,” the second level of a parking garage. We hear “Santa Baby” playing as we zoom in on one lone car. We focus on the trunk and see that there’s a prisoner who busts out… Credits roll.

Angela works late on Christmas Eve; Jody comes in, and the boss wants to talk to her. Jim comes into her office, and he apologizes for his behavior at the Christmas party. It’s one of those “please don’t tell my wife or human resources” kinda situations. She assures him that it’s okay. She makes a few calls to explain why she’s running late to the family Christmas party. She’s the last one out, and she rides down the elevator with Karl, the building security guard who is shutting things down and locking up for the building to be closed for three days.

As Angela gets out of the elevator on P2 and heads to her car, we see that her phone has no reception there. She gets into the car, turns the key, and nothing happens. She tries to go back into the building, but the doors are all locked now. She finds a different security guard, Thomas, and asks him to unlock the elevator. He offers to jump her car’s battery; he’s got a charger and everything. That doesn’t help, and he offers to share his own Christmas meal with her. He’s just joking… maybe.

Angela calls for a taxi ride and sits down to wait in the building lobby. When she gets the call that it’s arrived, she can’t get out the locked door, and Karl is nowhere to be found. The taxi leaves.

Suddenly, the lights go out, and Thomas, the younger security guard, grabs her from behind and chloroforms her. She wakes up chained to a table, and Thomas has a whole Christmas dinner set up for her– oh, and he’s even changed her dress while she was unconscious. She’s upset, and he acts like this is the most normal date in the world. He talks about the books he’s been reading, and she figures out that maybe it’s best to just go along with this.

Angela talks about her boyfriend who will come looking for her, and Tom doesn’t even believe that she has one, knowing the hours she puts in. He calls her bluff. He does, in fact, know all about her family and lots of little personal details; he didn’t just do this, he’s been planning it for a while. He makes her call her sister and give an explanation of why she can’t come to the party.

Next, Tom shows her a videotape of her drunk boss molesting her in the elevator; this is what he apologized for earlier. Tom pushes Angela into his car, and they drive to a lower level, where they see Angela’s boss tied to a chair. “This is my present to you,” Tom states. Angela makes excuses for the man’s behavior, but Tom isn’t having it. Tom then gets out of the car and beats the man severely before running him down with the car– twice.

Angela gets out of the car and runs away as Thomas cleans up the body. She runs to Thomas’s office to steal her phone back, and the guard dog in there makes it a challenge. There’s a whole lot of cat-and-mouse as he chases her throughout the garage and office building. She hides in an elevator until he uses a fire hose to flood her out. It’s not long after that that she finds Karl, the real security guard, dead.

Angela finds an ax and starts smashing the security cameras as Tom sings in his office. She watches a video of Tom violating her as she was unconscious earlier. Tom comes in and Tases Angela just as she sees a policeman drive into the garage. He hides her in the trunk of a car, which takes us up to the opening sequence with her busting out of it. She catches up just as the police have left, and Tom sics his dog on her. This goes badly for the dog.

More cat and mouse. Angela calls 911 but gets put on hold until it’s too late. She steals one of the rental cars and rams Tom’s car with it. He pursues her, and they end up playing a game of “chicken.” She’s very determined, and he swerves to avoid her. She ends up flipping the car, however, and knocking herself out– no, she’s faking it. She stabs Tom in the eye and then strangles him. He wakes up, but by that point, she’s got him handcuffed to the crashed car, which is dripping gasoline all over the place.

As he screams about “just being friends,” she turns and sets the gasoline alight. He burns even before the car explodes. This sets off the sprinklers in the place and the fire alarm. She finally gets Tom’s keys and opens the exit door as the fire department arrives.

Brian’s Commentary

At this point in his career, Wes Bentley took very few roles, and the ones he did take were just for drug money, or so he said later in an interview.

It starts out just fine but really drags in the middle. It’s far longer than it needs to be. The cat and mouse games seem to take up about 150% of the movie’s run time, and we’ve all seen this kind of thing so many times in other films.

Kevin’s Commentary

It’s well made in every way, but it drags on too long with the cat and mouse. And it didn’t feel like much new that I hadn’t seen before. Rachel Nichols was very good. I didn’t hate it, but I’d only give a moderate thumbs up.

1972 Whoever Slew Auntie Roo?

* AKA “Who Slew Auntie Roo?”

* Directed by Charlie Harrington

* Written by David D. Osborn, Robert Blees, Jimmy Sangster

* Stars Shelley Winters, Mark Lester, Chloe Franks

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 31 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is slow moving, dated, and very tame as far as the horror elements. But it’s got enough weirdness to make it interesting. And Shelley Winters gives a good performance as batty Auntie Roo, along with a good cast. Even the kids are pretty good at it. An overall thumbs up.

Spoilery Synopsis

We hear a woman singing as we pan over a huge collection of old-looking dolls. She’s all dressed up and wearing a tiara as she looks at the too-old girl in a crib. We soon see that the girl is really just a mummified corpse. Credits roll as Mr. Benton drives through the woods and stops in front of a big house.

Benton, a psychic, goes inside to talk to Mrs. Forrest, the woman from earlier. They’re going to have a seance to talk to Catherine, Mrs. Forest’s daughter. We hear the little girl’s voice, but she soon “has to leave.”

Christopher and Katy Coombs are children at an orphanage; Miss Henley, the grouchy teacher, is annoyed that they never speak. Mrs. Forrest throws a big Christmas party every year for some of the children who live there. Miss Henley soon announces the names of the ten children who are going to the party. Christopher and Katy are not invited.

Mrs. Forrest complains to Albie that she hasn’t gotten a list of children for the party. Mr. Harrison, the pig man, wants to be paid before he’ll leave the turkey. There’s some gossip about little Catherine Forrest, who just simply vanished one day.

Inspector Willoughby drives the children to the party. Christopher and Katy have hidden in the trunk as stowaways, they sneak in the back door where Albie pulls a knife on them. Mrs. Forest is an American, which makes her a novelty in this area. She wants the children to call her “Auntie Roo.” Miss Henley is shocked when Albie brings in the two mute stowaways.

Mrs. Forest is friendly and nice, even though Miss Henley hates them. She tells the story about how she was an entertainer who married Colonel Forrest who is now “on the other side of the mirror.” It’s all very festive and cheery, a great party.

The children all go to bed, except for Katy, who slides down the bannister. This triggers a flashback for Auntie Roo, who watched Catherine do the same thing… and die.

The old woman is planning a seance for late night, and Mr. Benton soon arrives and begins the seance. He’s a bit loud, and Katy hears him from upstairs. “Catherine” says she hears many children in the house. Christopher wakes up and sees a woman talking into a microphone; the whole seance is being faked. Still, Katy enters the room at the peak of the seance, and Mrs. Forest thinks it’s her own daughter.

Both Albie and Benton see the jewels in with the old woman’s money. The crooked old psychic is paying the servants for their cooperation.

In the morning, on Christmas Day, Mrs. Forrest decides she wants to adopt Katy, but she’s not interested in Christopher. All the children rush in to see what Santa brought them. Katy gets a very special gift– a Teddy bear like Catherine used to have.

The two children go outside to play and look into the old barn, which is full of dolls. It’s all Colonel Forrest’s magical equipment– he used to be a stage magician. They play around with a guillotine, and the Teddy bear loses its head. Someone in a mask scares them away– it’s Albie.

Mrs. Forrest gets annoyed with Katy when Katy wants the old Teddy bear until the old woman starts to think the little girl is a reincarnation of her daughter. Christopher starts snooping and finds Auntie Roo putting the mummy into a coffin behind a secret door.

The next day, most of the children go back to the orphanage. Christopher complains that he can’t find Katy. Christopher tells Miss Hemley that Auntie Roo has a mummy hidden in her room, but she doesn’t believe him. They all leave Katy behind, because that’s something an orphanage would do.

Albie comes to Mrs. Forest to settle accounts; he calls her Rosie Miller, her professional name. He doesn’t seem very servile, and he wants a check for two thousand pounds for him and Clarine. If she doesn’t pay, he’ll report her to the police as a kidnapper. He mentions that he usually gets a cut from Benton, as the seances are fake. She pays him, and he leaves.

Christopher, however, steals a bicycle and rides back to Auntie Roo’s house. He compares the whole thing to “Hansel and Gretel” as he pockets the old lady’s valuable jewelry. He finds Katy, who’s perfectly happy staying in the mansion. As they sneak out the front door, they run into Auntie Roo, dressed just like the wicked witch of Hansel and Gretel.

The next day, Inspector Willoughby shows up. He’s now looking for both children. He wants to look through the house, and she gets angry about it. He brings out bloodhounds and checks the grounds.

Inside, Christopher hides the jewels inside the Teddy bear. He tries to run away but is stopped by Mr. Benton, who is arriving. She calls the psychic a fraud, but he’s too crooked to care. Christopher starts to believe that the old woman really is planning on eating him– she does have a mighty big oven.

Christopher grabs his sister, and they both run for the locked door. She corners them in the kitchen and locks them in the pantry. She then goes up to play with her mummy, which crumbles into dust at her touch. This causes her to become completely unhinged.

When Katy calls the old woman “Mommy,” she relents and lets them out. They turn the tables and lock her in the pantry. They pile wood against the door and set it on fire. The two children run away with the jewels, leaving Auntie Roo to burn.

The two children get outside just in time to meet up with the pig-seller. Auntie Roo was going to cook the pig, not them! He drives off to get the fire brigade.

“Bloody good fire,” comments Christopher before they go back to the orphanage.

Brian’s Commentary

It took a very long time to get to the “horror” part. There’s a mummy and child kidnapping, and maybe a ghost, but that’s about it. There are numerous mentions of “Hansel and Gretel” that make any hidden themes a little too obvious.

Shelley Winters is good here as the crazy old Mrs. Forest, and everyone else does fine. Overall, however, the story is very tame and moves more slowly than it should.

Kevin’s Commentary

It’s slow-moving and made me wonder for a long time when the horror part was going to kick in. But I was impressed with the performances. The distance of time and geography added some interest, and there’s some weirdness. I don’t regret seeing it for the first time.

Short Films:

2024 Short Film: Hallows

* Directed by Jack Hourahine

* Written by Jack Hourahine

* Stars Julia Hourahine

* Run Time: 6:21

* Watch it:

What Happens

It’s Halloween and trick-or-treat time has just ended. A woman goes back inside her house, glad that it’s over. She talks to her best friend on the phone about how hard Halloween is; she had a bad experience in the past.

Did she remember to shut the door? Wait– is that a pentagram outside on her lawn? Maybe she’d better go outside and investigate– or maybe she shouldn’t.

Commentary

We don’t get much backstory on why she doesn't like Halloween. I assume someone died, but we don’t get any details. Otherwise, it looks good, but it is very creepy, and even outside in the dark, we can clearly see what’s going on, which is always a plus.

2024 Short Film: Up On the Housetop

* Directed by Dakota Millett, Michael Fischer

* Written by Laura Herring, Dakota Millett, Michael Fischer

* Stars Samantha Holland, Kayla Anderson, Dakota Millett, Michael Fischer

* Run Time: 15:14

* Watch it:

What Happens

Four siblings spend some time together on Christmas Eve just after the death of their parents. Who gets what? They have embarrassing photos and stories about each other as the group bonds.

Later that night, there’s someone in the house. Todd grabs Dad’s shotgun, which he says is full of mostly harmless birdshot. He shoots the intruder and– wait, what’s that sound up on the rooftop?

Commentary

This is amazing. The quality of this entire story is on par with any feature film. It looks great, it is well-acted, the special effects are good, the pacing is spot-on, and I enjoyed this one tremendously.

2024 Short Film: The Christmas Grotto

* Directed by Will McDaniel

* Written by Will McDaniel

* Stars Will McDaniel

* Run Time: 5:17

* Watch it:

What Happens

A guy is out looking for his lost dog in a field when he comes across a little camper with “Christmas Grotto” painted on a sign. He sees Santa inside and enters to ask about his dog. What he finds is not his dog…

Commentary

We only recently watched Will’s “The Limb Fairy” and thought it was hilarious. Now that it’s December, this one stood out to us. It’s in a similar style to that, with his organic-looking stop-motion creatures. It’s weird and silly and everything we want in a Christmas horror short. Very good!

2024 Short Film: The Creepy Mansion By The Sea

* Directed by Robert Dapp

* Written by Robert Dapp

* Stars Kling AI and Suno AI

* Run Time: 4:00

* Watch it:

What Happens

Well, nothing. There’s no plot at all.

Brian’s Commentary

A few weeks ago, we featured an AI-generated short that we both trashed harshly. Still, it seems like this AI thing is going to be around for a while, so it may not hurt to stay on top of what’s developing.

This one has no story, none at all. It’s a slideshow of animated AI-generated zombies and corpses, all in weird poses, sometimes moving in frightening ways through an old mansion by the sea. The video is purely visual, although the music is appropriate to what we see. There’s no dialog or sound effects other than the music.

What we see is pretty cool. The character designs, the gothic house and furnishings, and the situations that some of the monsters are in are all very nicely done. There’s a lot of detail in many of the images, and any one of these characters could be the subject of a story in itself.

Again, there’s no plot, so a little of this goes a long way, but the visuals are very promising… now if they could just create an actual coherent story with them…

Kevin’s Commentary

The images are impressive, a series of clips that are short due to the current limits of AI. The consistency of the images is good, with them all having the same look and vibe. The music was appropriate and generic. Like Brian said, a story would be nice. I still remain unimpressed with works of this kind. The only skill and talent put into it is being able to give a computer system the appropriate commands to have it generate everything properly. I know that can be somewhat of a challenge given that artificial intelligence should often be more appropriately called artificial stupidity, but I don’t give the same credit to creators of AI works that I do to filmmakers and animators. To put it bluntly, it’s soulless crap that doesn’t hold a candle to the other two shorts featured this week.

2024 Short Film: The Woods

* Directed by Remington Smith

* Written by Remington Smith

* Stars Kristen DeGree, David Conrads

* Run Time: 8:44

* Watch it:

What Happens

A woman tries to get into a snow-covered truck on a deserted road. There’s a dead man inside under a blanket. It’s very cold and desolate here, and she has to use a crude tool to break open a can of food. Night falls, and she makes a campfire.

The next morning, she follows footprints in the snow and finds a zombie. She muzzles him so that he can’t bite her. Then we see that he’s not just any random zombie…

Commentary

Do zombies remember who they were?

There’s no dialogue in this one at all, but as it progresses, we get a pretty good idea of what’s going on. It’s all sharp and clear, even the pitch-black night shots, and it looks great. It would have been nice to have gotten more of the story, but what we get is satisfying.

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Back in December 2022, we thought it would be fun to watch an entire month of Christmas and Holiday themed horror movies. It was easy, and we had a lot of fun doing it. Then, this year, we wondered… could we do it again? Are there even that many Christmas-themed horror movies out there? Oh Yeah. That many and more. 

So this will be the first of several weeks of nothing but holiday-themed horror for you. We’ll start off with 2022’s “Violent Night,” have some fun with “Slay Belles” from 2018, get all paranoid with “It Cuts Deep” from 2020, sleep through a 2019 anthology, “Deathcember,” and then go shopping in “While She Was Out” from 2008. 

We have FIVE copies of the newly released “Smile 2” to give away:

Bring home Smile 2 on digital now! In this terrifying thriller, an unknown force has latched onto global pop star Skye Riley as reality and her nightmares collide. Buy the film critics are calling "the scariest movie of the year by a mile" and get over 40 minutes of bone-chilling extras including deleted scenes and more. Available at participating retailers. Rated R. From Paramount Pictures.

Follow us at https://bsky.app/profile/horrorguys.bsky.social

And, of course, we have five excellent short films for you. Not particularly holiday themed.  

The latest issue of “Horror Monthly” is now on sale, with 43 reviews plus a short story, this time by Brian. 

Get all our reviews once a week: https://www.horrorweekly.com

Check out all our books with one easy link: https://horrormonthly.com

Mainstream Films:

2022 Violent Night

* Directed by Tommy Wirkola

* Written by Pat Casey, Josh Miller

* Stars David Harbour, John Leguizamo, Beverly D’Angelo

* Run Time: 1 Hour 52 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This plays a lot of tribute to “Die Hard,” which also takes place at a Christmas party. Only in this one instead of an off duty cop, we have a burned out Santa Claus saving the day. The real one, not just a guy in a Santa suit. It wasn’t quite what we expected, and it was better than we hoped. We’d highly recommend it.

Spoilery Synopsis

It’s Christmas Eve in Bristol, England. A man in a Santa suit sits in a bar and gets plastered. Another man says it’s his fourth year as a Santa, but the first guy mentions he’s been doing it so long he’s forgotten why he even started. “Santa” complains about greedy children who demand everything. “Maybe this is my last year; my last Christmas.” He leaves a present for the bartender’s grandson and goes up to the roof. She follows him and sees him take off in his sleigh. He was the real Santa! As he flies over, he barfs all over her head. Credits roll. 

Jason, Linda, and Trudy get in the car to go see Grandma for Christmas. At the big house, all the servants rush to get everything ready. Jason introduces all the side characters to Linda: Bert, Mike, Alva, and Mother Gertrude. 

We cut to Santa, who’s extremely drunk and just going through the motions giving lots of cash and videogames and not much else. 

When Trudy mentions that Jason didn’t take her to the mall to talk to Santa, Jason hands her a walkie-talkie that she can use to talk to Santa. All she wants for Christmas is for Linda and Jason to make up and get back together again. 

Night falls, and Santa arrives to eat his cookies and bourbon. Meanwhile, someone knocks out the security guard and alerts certain members of the staff, who all arm up and get ready for something. “It’s time to steal Christmas” says the leader, code name Mr. Scrooge, and everyone else has Christmasy-sounding code names too. 

Santa hears shooting outside as the invaders kill all the good staff and guards. He soon sees what’s going on and hides, but he has no way out either. The gunfire scares away the reindeer, so he’s stuck. He manages to kill one of the baddies, but gets locked outside. 

Inside, Scrooge takes Gertrude and the whole family hostage. Santa looks in and sees how scared Trudy is and has a change of heart. Scrooge points out that there’s $300,000,000 dollars in the safe downstairs that she stole from the government. He knows a lot about everything. 

Santa looks for weapons in his endless bag, but all he’s got are videogames and gift cards. One of the crooks finds Santa, which leads to another hilarious fight. Santa takes the dead crook’s radio and picks up Trudy, who asks for help. He checks his list, and she is on his nice list. The six remaining bad guys are definitely on the naughty list. “Santa Claus is coming to town.” 

Scrooge wants to know who’s playing Santa Claus, and he tortures Jason to find out who hired him. Trudy tells Scrooge that she’s been talking to Santa. Jason tells her that there’s no Santa for real. 

Santa’s been stabbed, so before anything else, he has to sew himself back together. He passes out and has flashbacks to his Viking days until Trudy wakes him up by radio. They talk about the nature of Santa and Christmas. She reminds him of his days as a Viking warrior with Skullcrusher, his hammer.  He was one of the baddest of the bad back then. He vows to come rescue her.

The family is forced to open gifts at gunpoint, and that’s all really awkward. Outside, the “extraction team” gears up on slow machines to pick up the criminals. 

Scrooge quickly knocks out and ties Santa to a chair. They dig through the old man’s bottomless magic sack and pull out gift after gift. Scrooge burns the bag in the fireplace. Scrooge really is a Scrooge; he hates Christmas. Santa knows all the crooks’ real names. Santa escapes up the chimney.

The extraction team shows up and shoots Morgan the actor. They’re in on it too. They soon spot Santa and shoot at him, but he avoids them. The crooks finally get the safe open, and there’s nothing inside. “Somebody must have intercepted it.” 

Santa’s about to give it all up when he sees a sledge hammer; he’s got his mojo back! “Santa’s gonna eat through these guys like a plate full of cookies.” 

And he does… 

… In the most ultraviolet and grisly way possible. 

Inside, Jason admits that he stole the money to leave with his family and never come back. This starts a bunch of bickering amongst the family members. 

Upstairs, Trudy shows us that she’s seen “Home Alone” way too many times as she unleashes booby traps on a few of the remaining baddies. 

Jason takes Scrooge to the money, so Scrooge orders that all the hostages be killed. Santa comes in and meets the family. Santa hands Linda a machine gun, and they attack the men outside. 

Scrooge runs off with Gertrude and the money, and Santa chases after them on a sled. Jason and Linda make up and bond over beating up a thug. 

Soon, it’s just Santa and Scrooge, alone in the woods. Scrooge gets a look at Santa’s “Naughty” list, and it lists all the specifics of how he’s been bad. Very bad. “You’re real? You’re him? Christmas dies tonight!” The two have an epic battle, but Scrooge gets the upper hand. Santa uses a “Secret weapon” to win the battle, but he’s shot numerous times in the process. 

Santa’s freezing cold, and Jason burns some money to help. As Santa dies, Trudy tells him that he gave her what she asked for. Everyone admits that they believe in Santa Claus now, and the magic resuscitates the old man. “Christmas magic. I don’t know how it works,” he says. 

The reindeers finally show up, and Santa isn’t happy with them but can’t stay mad. They’ve brought his spare magic sack. Inside the sleigh is Skullcrusher as well. Santa thanks Trudy for giving him back the Christmas spirit and then takes off to finish his deliveries. 

Brian’s Commentary

I went into this mostly blind; I had assumed Santa was a killer here, like in “Silent Night, Deadly Night,” but that wasn’t the case. This Santa is surprisingly lovable as a burned out drunken old Viking. He’s ultra-violent when it’s time, but he’s also very good with Trudy on the radio. 

This was surprisingly good. It took a while to get going, but once it did, it was non-stop action. And some of the kills were quite creative. 

Kevin’s Commentary

Even after I read the basic synopsis that it’s a disgruntled Santa saving the day, I didn’t realize ahead of time that it’s the actual Santa Claus. I thought it was going to be a military guy trapped in a bad situation. He is a military guy, just from way back - a Viking warrior who somehow inherited the mantle and magic of Santa. I thought this was very entertaining. David Harbour is perfectly cast, and everyone else is very good too. I liked it.

2018 Slay Belles

* Directed by Dan Walker

* Written by Jessica Luhrssen, Dan Walker

* Stars Barry Bostwick, Kristina Klebe, Susan Slaughter

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 17 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

When three women go exploring the closed Santa Land amusement park for their YouTube channel, they don’t expect to run into the literal Santa. Or Krampus. Or any of the real craziness that unrolls from there. Neither of us went into this expecting to enjoy it as much as we did. It was terrific.

Spoilery Synopsis

It’s Christmas Eve, and three women with brightly-colored hair have a man tied to a chair…

Twelve hours earlier, the three women steal Christmas decorations and then decide to go on an adventure. Two of the women, Sadie and Dahlia, run a YouTube channel called “The Adventure Girls.” Alexi hasn’t seen any of their Urban Explorer videos, but she’s going with them this time.

They stop at a bar to pee and drink while waiting. The people inside the bar are very anti-Christmas. “It’s b******t!” yells the bartender. She even has Christmas hate tattoos on her knuckles. Ranger Sean comes in to arrest Jerry, a drunken pedophile dressed as Santa. He says some “odd things” have been going on around town. “Some kids have been murdered.” He’s a ranger helping fill in with the police.

The three go to an abandoned theme amusement park, Santa Land, for their next video. Dahlia and Sadie hand Alexi her “Christmas uniform,” which lets us all see they all have boobies. We get a montage of the girls doing silly YouTube poses as they run through the park. The place had been closed for twenty years since kids died here. All three of them feel like they’re being watched as they frolic through the park.

At the sheriff’s station, the men talk about a family that was recently killed. It’s supposed to be a bear, but it must’ve had anger issues– or something.

The three girls break into a prize cache and take their souvenirs. Then they spot a building they haven’t gone into before. As they dig around inside, Krampus shows up outside. When one of the girl’s phones goes off, Krampus chases them outside until the security guard tackles him. They run for their van, but it’s been towed, so they call 911. The call doesn’t go well since the operator thinks it’s a prank call.

Suddenly, the security guard pops in through the chimney. Is he Santa Claus or just a Hillbilly? He uses his magic on them; they’ve been very naughty. Yes, he is Santa, and he owns Santa Land. The girls don’t believe a word of it.

We cut to Krampus, who pours his own blood on something– is that an egg? Krampus then goes outside and attacks Jerry, the Santa-dressed drunk from earlier.

Santa changes into his traditional outfit, and the girls interview him on camera. His answer to all their questions is “Magic!” He gives a crash course about how society forgot about Krampus, and he personally just wasn’t needed anymore. Then, his theme park, Santa Land, got shut down. He kept Krampus frozen in ice for many years, but now he’s loose again.

Santa doesn’t want to go to the police for various reasons, but he insists that Krampus can not be killed; that would be bad. Krampus kills children, puts them in a basket, and sends them to Hell. No, Alexi says he has been putting the children in boxes, not Hell. That’s not normal.

Santa says that Krampus can be contained if they can contain him until after midnight. Krampus comes after the naughtiest people first, and the girls have to get… naughty. This works surprisingly well, and the three girls knock out the monster with a Taser. Santa’s unconscious, too, since he’s linked to Krampus.

The police find more bodies and decide that maybe it’s time to call in the FBI. “This ain’t no bear.”

The girls tie up Krampus and then decorate him for YouTube and selfies. He gets loose very easily.

Sadie’s boyfriend, Brian, arrives at the cabin, and they explain the situation to him. Krampus storms back in and impales Brian with his horns. It was a very brief role. Ranger Sean arrives just in time to hear the screaming. Santa and Krampus fight with magic, and Dahlia stuns Sean with her Taser.

Santa and the girls tie Sean to a chair and explain things to him at gunpoint. Everyone in town knows Old Man Kris, who’s just a crazy hermit. With a little magic, Sean’s easily convinced otherwise.

Alexi devises a plan, and all the good guys gear up for battle.

The sheriff finally tells some of the cops to go and check out Santa Land.

It’s all going badly for Krampus until Cherry, the Christmas-hating bartender, shows up on her motorcycle. Yes, she’s Mrs. Claus, Kris’s crazy ex. She laughs maniacally because she’s turned evil in the years since their business failed. She’s not just there to serve cookies, and she’s not fat, ugly, and old. Krampus is her sexy, horny boyfriend now.

Inside, the girls and Sean open some boxes and find many little hairy baby Krampuses inside (they look like “Critters”). They escape and then free Santa, just as Mrs. Claus and Krampus fly away in the sleigh. Sean shoots Krampus, and Santa screams in pain. Since they are connected, Alexi grabs an ax and beheads Santa. The sleigh explodes in midair, killing all the baddies.

The police arrive as Santa dissolves and floats away into stardust.

Brian’s Commentary

“Santa Clause is comin’ to town, b*****s!”– Hillbilly Santa.

It’s got a very goofy and cheap indie vibe to it, but it’s really well done and not as low-budget as it might appear. The acting and dialogue are pretty awful, but it’s the kind of awful acting that really goes along with the mood of the film. This was Richard Moll’s final film, but here he just plays one of the cops.

This looked pretty awful as it got started, but I really, really liked it. It may be the contender for “Best of the week.” It’s a hoot!

Kevin’s Commentary

I wasn’t expecting the real villain of the story to be Mrs. Claus, a role that Diane Sallinger nails perfectly. All the cast is good at what they’re doing. Krampus looked good. After a little bit of a low start, I thought it was great. My favorite of the many Christmas movies we’ve seen so far this year.

2020 It Cuts Deep

* Directed by Nicholas Santos

* Written by Nicholas Santos

* Stars Charles Gould, Quinn Jackson, John Anderson

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 17 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

For such a short run time, this one managed to feel too long. The two main guys didn’t work for us. We both thought Quinn Jackson was fine. But the whole package was low on horror and mostly tedious. We didn’t have a good time and wouldn’t really recommend it.

Spoilery Synopsis

A boy shows up at a girl’s house in a Santa hat. She wants him to come inside for sexy reasons. A man with a knife follows them inside and kills them both.

We cut to Sam and Ashley eating something gross in the park. They talk about going somewhere an hour away. She wants to talk about “marriage and stuff,” meaning children, but he’s jokingly evasive. We flash back to see that Sam doesn’t really do well with children. The credits roll.

The couple goes to Sam’s childhood home in the country, and Ashley complains that there is no cell signal. He cooks her a horrific meal, but he swears it’s OK. She accepts Sam’s marriage proposal, but he says that’s not what he intended. He’s not going to propose, which disappoints her.

In the morning, he looks through an old photo book as she goes out for a run. He’s still evasive about marriage and kids when they go out to breakfast. One of Sam’s friends, Nolan, shows up coincidentally, and she notices right away that he’s way better looking than Sam. Funny that Sam never mentioned him before.

They bump into him again a little later, and Nolan has a baby daughter. Sam doesn’t like babies. Nolan invites them both to dinner, but his wife, Lauren, points out that they have other plans. Later, Nolan shows up at their door and says plans have changed; Lauren couldn’t make it. It’s all very awkward, since it’s clear that Sam doesn’t want Nolan there.

Nolan talks about the murders that took place ten years ago. It was his sister who was killed in the pre-credit sequence. He starts to cry, and Ashley consoles him. Later, he dresses as Santa and makes Ashley sit on his lap, but that’s too much for Ashley. Sam tells Nolan to leave, and Nolan admits his whole plan is to win Ashley away from Sam. Or maybe he’s kidding.

That night, Sam hears someone break into the house. He finds Nolan outside, dressed as Santa Claus, all covered in blood. Ashley runs outside too, but she doesn’t see him; she thinks Sam has lost his mind.

In the morning, Ashley is barely speaking to Sam, although we can see she’s probably pregnant. She goes out for a run and sees Nolan out working a landscaping job in the area; he’s so obviously creepy, but she waves anyway.

Sam goes to town and runs into Lauren, Nolan’s wife. He asks her if everything is OK, and she’s very pleasant and seems just fine. When he gets home, he finds Nolan and Ashley decorating the Christmas tree. Sam finally asks Ashley to marry him, and she hates the idea now since he’s been such an idiot all weekend.

Nolan berates Sam for abandoning him after his sister died, and how upset that made him. Sam picks up a machete and threatens Nolan with it. Sam ends up stabbing Nolan. He comes inside to find Ashley, who tells him that she’s pregnant. He tells her the story about how he killed Nolan’s sister ten years ago when she told him she was pregnant with his child. He also admits to killing Nolan just now.

Ashley locks herself in Nolen’s truck, and they have a conversation through the window about what a terrible father Sam would be. Night falls, and Nolan comes to the door, not so dead as it appeared. Rather than leave, he yells for Sam to come outside and fight him. Sam shows up, and Nolan passes out or dies. Sam stabs Ashley in the foot, and she limps away.

Ashley screams for mercy, and Sam pulls her in for a hug. Then she stabs him in the neck, and he pulls out an engagement ring and proposes. As an answer, she beheads him.

Brian’s Commentary

This is way up the list as a contender for worst movie we’ve seen this month, and it’s got a lot of stiff competition.

Sam is annoying and obnoxious from the very first scene, and it’s never quite clear what Ashley sees in him in the first place. I was certainly hoping he’d die early, but it also seemed unlikely, since he’s the star of the film. After a while, we suspected that maybe Sam was the killer ten years ago, but honestly, we just didn’t care by that point.

Ashley is fine, her actress made her seem normal, but the two male leads are just over the top caricatures of real people. True, one of them was crazy all along, but they both were just poorly acted.

Kevin’s Commentary

I couldn’t connect or sympathize with Sam, and I was supposed to. At least for the majority of the movie until the big reveal which I had guessed at well before it was revealed. Quinn Jackson's believable portrayal of Ashley was a bright spot most of the time, but overall I didn’t enjoy the movie very much at all. It’s short on run time but still felt long.

2019 Deathcember

* Directed by Lazar Bodrozam, B.J. Colangelo, John Cook Lynch

* Written by Wes Allen, John Cook Lynch, Steve De Roover

* Stars Barbara Crampton, Clarke Wolfe, Tiffany Shepis

* Run Time: 2 Hours, 25 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s an anthology of tales leading up to Christmas, laid out like an Advent calendar. It’s kind of cool how the dates in the shorts correspond to the countdown until we get to actual Christmas Eve and Day. Each one has a different cast, writer, and director, so they are all varied in nationality and style. They were all at least good, with some very good. The only fault is quite a long collective run time that left us a little weary by the end. If you’re a fan of horror shorts, you should check this one out. 

Spoilery Synopsis

This is an anthology of 24 short stories, so I’m not going to go into the usual detailed specifics this time. 

We open on a cemetery with the credits on headstones, and the theme music sounds like it was ripped from the Harry Potter movies. 

We cut straight to “A Door Too Far,”  where a boy eats his entire Advent calendar in one sitting and then starts another. He goes to a shop in town and starts eating more calendars, right there in the shop. An old man in the shop ses this and curses him. “Calendarium Maleficarum,” he repeats. Later, the boy wakes up in an Advent calendar, and a little girl eats him. 

The next story is “All Sales Fatal,” where a woman cuts in line at the store to return a gift that her son isn’t interested in anymore; she doesn’t have the receipt, and the clerk won’t allow the return. She goes outside, grabs the bellringer’s bell and whacks the clerk with it. This results in a bloody knock-down-drag-out fight between the two. As they lay dying, she finally finds that receipt.

The third story, “Aurora,” takes place in the year 2389 on Proxima Centauri. We hear that the big holiday is arriving over the floating houses. Aurora hears that there’s a burst of seeds that’s clogging one of the pipes; it’s up to her to fix it. Contamination is spreading, and one of the floating buildings crashes to the ground and she dies.

… And that’s only 15 minutes in. All the stories are very short and somehow Christmas-themed. Many are basically just creepy-themed jokes, but that’s all right too. The variety is nice. 

Brian’s Commentary

24 Short horror films are like a twisted Advent calendar all by itself. In terms of quantity, it’s very similar to “The ABC’s of Death,” and is mostly of the same quality. 

If you like short films, there’s a lot here to like; naturally, some are better than others, but there are a few gems here. There’s a mix of English, foreign-subtitled, and animated stuff here, so there’s something to please (or annoy) everyone. There’s even a black-and-white silent film. 

The real downside here is that there are too many stories, and it drags on for too long. It really started to feel like a slog at about the two-hour point. This would have been better with a dozen stories and about an hour less runtime. 

Kevin’s Commentary

I did like the variety, with some being international, some grim, some funny, and different styles. I was kind of exhausted by the end of over 2 hours of shorts. The only downside is it’s a lot to watch through in one sitting.

2008 While She Was Out

* Directed by Susan Montford

* Written by Edward Bryant, Susan Montford

* Stars Kim Basinger, Lukas Haas, Craig Sheffer

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 26 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This seemed a little more like a thriller than horror, but it was still pretty good. There was a little lack of depth to the characters. It moves well though, with a strong cast and good direction. There wasn’t a whole lot new here, but we liked it.

Spoilery Synopsis

We see various children’s drawings as credits roll. 

We open on Kenneth, who argues with someone on the phone about bad investments. He goes into the messy house and yells for Della; he wants to know what she does all day long, because there are kid’s toys and clothes all over the floor. He’s mean, over the line into abusive, as the two kids watch. 

It’s Christmas Eve, and Della is out of wrapping paper, so she leaves her closed, gated neighborhood to go to the mall to buy some more. We see that her cell phone is low on power when Cassie calls and tells her the mall is crazy right now. 

The mall is indeed crazy; everyone in town must be there, and the parking lot is full. The security guard recommends parking further out. It’s especially bad when she finds one jerk taking up two parking spaces. It’s infuriating, so she writes a nasty note and leaves it on his windshield. 

Della buys her wrapping paper, and the mall is packed on the inside as well. For some reason, her card is declined, so she has to pay cash; she’s barely got enough in her purse to cover it.

When she gets back to her car, she’s surrounded by four young people who gang up on her and make threats. The leader is Chuckie. Chuckie is the guy who parked badly in the car she left a note on. The security guard comes to break up the problem, but Chuckie shoots him in the head. 

Della drives off, and Chuckie and the boys follow her. They shoot at her. She tries to call the police, but her phone is dead. She panics and drives into a construction site and crashes the car. Chuckie’s car also gets stuck, but they come after her on foot. 

Vingh and Tomas want to turn around and go home, but Chuckie is persuasive about tying up the loose end of Della. They find Della’s car and abandoned purse. She did, however, manage to grab a toolbox. Still, they soon find her. 

The guys wonder what’s in Della’s toolbox. Why would she grab that and leave her purse behind? They make her open it. She hits Chuckie with a wrench and runs for it. Huey takes a fall through a hole and makes a crunch as he breaks his neck. 

Della uses the opportunity to run off into the nearby woods, and the now-three young men chase her. Vingh stops to play loud music as a tribute to dead-Huey. As they argue, she stands and watches rather than running away. Eventually, the chase resumes; they can follow her from the smell of her perfume. 

Della takes a tire iron out the box and beats Tomas to death with it. He doesn’t go down easy, and she has to work it, but gets there eventually. When they find the body, Vingh fears that she’s going to kill him and Chuckie. 

Della, who is now Rambo, jumps out of nowhere and stabs Vingh with a screwdriver in his neck, which she really forces in hard. Now only ​​Chuckie is left to finish the job. 

​​Chuckie taunts Della from a distance. He has her driver’s license and address; he threatens to kill her kids. He even guesses that her husband takes her for granted, “You don’t want to go back to that,” he mocks. He offers to go home and kill her husband and she kisses him. They laugh together and kiss some more as he puts a gun to her head. 

The two lay on the ground and get ready for sex, and she asks for it. He puts down the gun and goes for it. As they go to it, she jams a torch into his face and shoots him with his own gun. 

It’s a long walk back to her car, but she gets there eventually and gets it started. She passes police working on the dead security guard on the way home. The car dies just outside her gated community, and she walks the rest of the way home in the pouring rain, singing Christmas carols all the way. 

She comes into the house, and immediately, Kenneth starts in on her. He wants to know what she got him while she was out shopping. She points the gun at him, “Nothing.” 

Brian’s Commentary

You know you’re wearing too much perfume if people can track you through the woods, at night, by following the smell. Other than that, it’s miraculous how well they can follow someone in the dark, through the woods, with no path. 

It’s more thriller than horror, but that line gets thin and blurry sometimes. The whole plot is somewhat reminiscent of the non-Christmasy “Eden Lake,” which came out the same year.  But rather than the downer ending of that film, Della survives, learns from her ordeal, and uses it to improve her situation at home. 

Kim Basinger shows “terrified” well, but other than that, she’s pretty one-dimensional as an abused mother and not much else. Actually, all the characters seem to only have one defining trait. 

Kevin’s Commentary

Who knew Christmas shopping could be so dangerous? This was low on the horror, but I thought it was a well put together thriller. I liked Kim Basinger in a role that’s not typical for her. Like Brian said, most of the characters are on the one dimensional side, but the whole package entertained me.

Short Films:

2024 Short Film: Splinter

* Directed by Curtis Matzke

* Written by Curtis Matzke

* Stars Mark Colson, Jenna Pall, Rico Bruce Wade

* Run Time: 8:21

* Watch it:

What Happens

A vampire has a splinter of wood embedded in their chest, and it’s slowly working its way into his heart. “Invasive nonhuman surgery is prohibited due to possible infection,” explains the doctor. The vampire lays in a hospital bed, prematurely aged due to his condition. The doctor explains what’s going to happen to his “patient.” The vampire says this isn’t how he pictured dying, but there’s not much he can do… is there?

Commentary

“Nothing is immortal.” 

This is really good. It’s reasonable, understandable, and more dramatic than horrific. I was expecting the girl vampire to turn on him or betray him, but no, nothing like that. Just a dramatic death.

It’s not exactly horrific, but it’s a vampire story, so it goes here, but I definitely liked this one a lot. 

2024 Short Film: Accidental Stars

* Directed by Emily Bennett

* Written by Emily Bennett

* Stars Madeleine Morrell, Kyle Minshew 

* Run Time: 9:10

* Watch it:

What Happens

A woman wakes up and goes to the window, but then we see that she’s really just playing a role in an acting class. The instructor, however, takes things very seriously. How much abuse is she willing to suffer to become a star?

Commentary

It all looks good, sounds good, and is nicely paced, but neither of us were quite sure what it was about when we were done. Emily Bennet has an explanation in the YouTube comments that helps some. David Lynch would be pleased with this one, but we had mixed feelings.

2024 Short Film: Collection Day

* Directed by Alun Rhys Morgan

* Written by Alun Rhys Morgan

* Stars Tomos Gwynfryn, Steffan Evans, Olwen Medi, Chris Woods

* Run Time: 12:01

* Watch it:

What Happens

Two men respond to an ad for a “free chair.” One guy thinks the house looks sketchy, but the other really wants that chair. There’s only one little old lady inside, and she offers them tea. There’s nothing weird about that, right?

Right?

Commentary

Wow. That guy really wanted that chair. 

It looks great; the special effects are gross and well-crafted. The acting is both funny and believable, and the situation all makes sense as it unfolds. 

I liked this one a lot.

2024 Short Film: Shut the Door at 10:04

* Directed by Zachary Padgett

* Written by Zachary Padgett

* Stars Zachary Padgett, Alijah Palacios

* Run Time: 5:00

* Watch it:

What Happens

Jack runs home and hides in his bedroom just before the clock hits 10:04. We see Post-It notes explaining the rules. “Close the door at 10:04, Safe to leave at 8:13,” and some other reminders, such as “The Sounds Aren’t Real.” 

He’s safe in his room until the knocking starts. Will he open the door or won’t he?

Commentary

We don’t know why any of this is happening or how Jack knows these rules, but we see the effect of breaking the rules and the tricks the “enemy” plays to get that door open. 

It’s short, it’s got nearly zero budget, and really only one actor, but it’s all well done and gives a good sense of suspense and dread. Very cool!

2024 Short Film: We Joined a Cult

* Directed by Chris McInroy

* Written by Chris McInroy

* Stars Kirk Johnson, Carlos LaRotta, Kyle Irion, Stephanie Vasquez Fonseca, Matthew Thomas

* Run Time: 4:31

* Watch it:

What Happens

A couple of guys go to the park to play a prearranged game of kickball, but that doesn’t go according to plan. Turns out, it’s recruitment day for the “He Who Blows in the Wind” cult, and the cultists are very persistent. 

Commentary

This is awesome. It pokes fun at all the usual cultist tropes while still being familiar and fun. The two leads really carry the plot, and the whole thing is just one cult joke after another. It’s quite good!

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We’re back to our regular mix of new and old films, this time, starting off with “Smile 2” and “Daddy’s Head,” both from this year. We’ll launch into our members-only special with “Alien 3” from 1992 as we cover all the Alien films we haven’t already done. Lastly, we’ll watch a really weird Godzilla movie, “All Monsters Attack” (1969), and then have a snack with “The Food of the Gods” from 1976. 

And, of course, we have five excellent short films for you. 

The latest issue of “Horror Monthly” is now on sale, and it’s our biggest issue yet, with 54 reviews plus a short story by none other than Kevin himself. 

Don’t miss out on our most recent members-only edition of the newsletter, coming early next week! This month's “extras” contain the full synopsis and commentary on all the “Alien” films that we haven’t already covered, “Alien Resurrection,” “Prometheus,” “Alien: Covenant,” “Alien vs Predator,” and “Alien vs Predator: Requiem.” We’ve finally finished off the complete Alien franchise! Paid subscription info can be found at https://www.horrorweekly.com.

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Mainstream Films:

2024 Smile 2

• Directed by Parker Finn

• Written by Parker Finn

• Stars Naomi Scott, Rosemarie DeWitt, Lukas Gage

• Run Time: 2 Hours, 7 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This sequel takes the elements and ideas from the first movie and cranks up the dial. We thought it was bigger and better in every way. Maybe a little on the long side. Overall, we both liked it more than the first movie.

Spoilery Synopsis

Six days later... Joel, from [[the first film]{.underline}](https://www.horrorguys.com/smile-2022/), sits in the car. He pulls down a mask and pulls a gun on a man. He leads the man into the man's house and stabs him in front of his brother. The brother then shoots Joel, who shoots him back. Both men die, leaving Joel alone-- this wasn't what he was expecting. He had to have a live witness to pass the curse on to. Unexpectedly, a young guy appears in the room, Joel thought it was just the dead guys who were there. "This wasn't meant for you," Joel apologizes. The brothers' gang shows up, and Joel barely escapes-- right into the path of a truck, which kills him excessively. Credits roll.

We cut to an interview show, talking to pop star Skye Riley, who was in a tragic accident a year ago. She announces a new tour kicking off next week. She's had a rough year.

We cut to Skye rehearsing for her next video, but she hurts her back. We see that she's got a fairly serious injury from the accident that has left scars and residual pain. Her mother, Elizabeth, is there, and she's happy that Skye is getting back on her feet.

Skye calls Lewis, her former dealer, for some Vicodin, and he's really messed up. He says he's had a bad week, and he's in the middle of something seriously weird and scary. Lewis then disappears into the back room and emerges screaming. He sees something that Skye doesn't. He has a seizure and then smiles maniacally, which creeps her out. He then beats himself to death with a barbell plate, smiling all the while. Skye goes home, in shock.

That night, in her room, she sees Lewis standing over her, smashed face and all.

The next day, Darius invites her to a charity event. She still sees Lewis in the mirror's reflection, but not in the actual room. We soon see that being a superstar doesn't look like a lot of fun. One of the fans is insane, but the one after that doesn't speak at all and has a huge, creepy smile.

At her mother's prompting, Skye calls Gemma, an old friend who cut her off the previous year. Not long after, she finds that crazy fan, naked, in her room-- no not really, she imagined it. He must've left an impression!

When Gemma arrives, the bad man isn't there anymore. Skye tells Gemma about seeing Lewis die yesterday. Gemma agrees to stay over tonight.

We flash back to Skye's auto accident. Actor Paul Hudson was killed, and she was torn up pretty badly herself.

We cut to Skye recording her music video, and it's a big production-- until her knee explodes. The whole show stops, but there's nothing wrong with her knee. She blames one of the other dancers and then storms out. When she finds her dressing room trashed, she blames her assistant Joshua. Everyone immediately assumes Skye's using drugs again.

Skye goes to the charity event she promised Darius to host, and she's got blood on her face. The teleprompter freezes, and she makes a fool out of herself on stage. She then reads on the teleprompter that Paul Hudson will be the next guest-- and then she sees him there, smiling evilly. He's the guy who was driving and killed when she was in her accident. Skye then attacks an old woman by mistake. The reaction to the speech is... exactly what you'd expect.

In the meantime, Skye starts getting texts from an unknown number who says all the stuff she's seen is real, and that they know what happened at Lewis's house. They even send a video that Lewis recorded. She eventually agrees to meet Morris. Morris explains that some kind of "being" possessed Lewis and caused him to kill himself. It disguises itself as smiling people, and only people who are infected can see it. In less than a week, it forces the host to kill themselves in front of a witness. It will leave if she dies, but she's not a fan of that plan. He sounds crazy, but we know he's correct.

Back at home, she sees a whole bunch of people in her apartment, and they're all smiling. She passes out and dreams more about Dead-Paul and the accident. They were arguing and she attacked him while he was driving. Yeah, it was all her fault.

Skye wakes up in a private hospital, and her mother explains what they found in her apartment. This is Skye's last second-chance if she doesn't go ahead with doing the tour. Her mother really reads her the riot act, laying on the guilt trip excessively. Her mother brutally kills herself, but then Sky finds herself holding the glass shard. Who really did that?

On the way out of the hospital, she steals the security guard's gun and threatens the whole place before running away. Just to make it worse, she steps on a broken bottle barefoot. She meets up with Gemma outside, who agrees to drive her away. Skye then gets a call from Gemma, but Gemma's sitting in the car with her, isn't she? Gemma on the phone says she hasn't seen or talked to her for nearly a year. The Gemma-looking woman driving the car smiles evilly. Skye asserts her will by force and finds that it's her behind the wheel and the Gemma woman isn't there.

Skye meets up with Morris, and she hands him the gun. He's rented an old Pizza Hut, it's the only place with a freezer big enough to chill her far enough to "die" temporarily. It's all very sketchy, but she goes along with his plan. If she dies for a bit, the entity should leave her.

The freezer gets her heart rate down, and then Morris will inject her with something to stop the heart entirely. After six or nine minutes, he'll revive her. Except the entity attacks her before any of that happens. Skye grabs the syringe full of poison and injects herself. Skye's heart stops. But none of this is real; Skys didn't even have a syringe.

Suddenly, Skye finds herself on stage, in costume, with a huge crowd. Her mother, Joshua, and Darius are there, and they're all happy. There's also a smiling version of herself, who tears herself open and reveals a monster inside. It tears her head open. Back in what seems to be reality, she smiles for the crowd of thousands of people. She then sticks a microphone through her eye, killing herself in front of all those witnesses...

Brian's Commentary

Why couldn't Skye just get a prescription for her Vicodin? She seems to have a legitimate reason with her injury. She shouldn't need to go to a drug dealer for a fix. She gives an in-movie reason, but for someone of her status, it still shouldn't be a problem.

Skye was based on Lady Gaga, and that's pretty obvious from the stuff we see her doing on stage. As far as I am aware, the real Lady Gaga hasn't run into any supernatural entities, but I could be wrong. Still, Naomi Scott does all her own singing and dancing here, and she's very good.

There are a lot of jump scares here, but several of them are really well executed, not just loud noises for no reason. The gore effects are really excellent here, and Skye really goes through a lot of torment.

The ending was a bit confusing; how much of the movie was real and how much of it was a creature-induced hallucination? It's clear that the whole subplot about dying and releasing the creature and then returning to life was all imaginary. Did Morris, the doctor character, even really exist? I dunno.

It's maybe a hair too long, but I don't know what I'd cut out. Overall, I thought this was far superior to the original.

Kevin's Commentary

I thought this was pretty great. Sequels don't always live up to the first movie, this one does. The casting is perfect, and everyone does a great job. I'd highly recommend it.

2024 Daddy's Head

• Directed by Benjamin Barfoot

• Written by Benjamin Barfoot

• Stars James Harper-Jones, Rupert Turnbull, Julia Brown

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 32 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

We get a spoiler right from the beginning that young Isaac will survive the movie. But who else will? It's a family drama drenched in grief with a dose of horror. Heavy on the grief and angst. Is that a real monster lurking in the shadows? The choice is made to make us wonder, maybe a little too much. It was still pretty good. Liked more than disliked.

Spoilery Synopsis

Isaac goes into the empty house and stares at the air vent. He flashes back to when he was younger, visiting his dying father in the hospital. The bandaged-up man in the bed is badly injured and clearly dying. Credits roll.

After the father dies, Isaac goes home with his stepmother, Laura, but he's not adjusting well. Neither is she. Laura has inherited everything, but she has to choose whether or not to become Isaac's legal guardian. Laura's own mother thinks it might be best if she gives the boy up to social services; she's had issues in the past.

Laura goes to sleep that night and wakes up to see a strange man standing outside in the dark. A dream?

Dead-James's best buddy, Robert, comes over to talk to the survivors. That night, both Laura and Isaac see bright lights.

In the morning, they both go outside and see a big forest fire in the distance. There's a huge cloud of smoke, but when the fire department arrives, they can't find a fire at all.

The next night, Laura actually sees James outside. He calls her name, but his face is missing. In the morning, they bury James; it's time for the funeral.

Laura, Isaac, and Bella the dog see something round and scary in the living room that night, and the dog chases it out the window. Neither of them sleeps well that night.

Robert comes over to help in the morning, and he seems to like being around Laura; he offers to stay and make them dinner. That night, Isaac sees the thing in his room; it's his father's... head. "Come to the forest," it says before vanishing.

In the morning, Isaac goes to the woods to talk to the head, but the dog rushes in to attack it. Isaac swears his father has come back through some kind of accident; his father says he's not supposed to be here. The social worker says Laura just needs to be more supportive of the grieving child.

Laura and Isaac go out to the woods and find a weird house built out there. Laura is terrified of it, but Isaac says it was built for him. She ends up dragging him home after he punches her.

Upset, Laura calls Robert for help. She's reconsidering keeping Isaac since he hit her. Robert offers to take Isaac if she wants. She also had him buy her some cameras to place around the house, including in Isaac' bedroom.

Late at night, Bella the dog goes back to the house in the woods and sees another dog inside. Whatever it is, isn't really a dog, and attacks Bella. Robert and Laura find the mortally wounded dog in the morning, but Laura wonders whether or not Isaac killed Bella. The wounds could have been from a knife. They go out to bury Bella next to James and find the gravesite is all messed up.

Isaac hears something making noise behind the air vent in his room. The grate pops off, and he sees Bella in there along with his father. His father tells that Laura and Robert are watching and that Isaac shouldn't trust either of them. Laura is watching on the camera, and she sees James's face in the hole as well.

Drunken Laura calls Mary the social worker and has a major breakdown in front of everyone. She's very upset, which leads to her kissing Robert. In the morning, Laura doesn't remember any of it and offers to let Robert have Isaac.

Isaac leads Robert out to the stick-house in the woods. Robert sees something inside, and whatever it is scares him.

We cut to Laura going to the hospital; something hurt Robert very badly. Isaac is obviously lying about what happened. He admits to destroying his father's grave, but he says he didn't hurt Bella or Robert. "They were scared of Dad."

The creature comes into the house that night and everyone sees its true face. Laura gets knocked silly and takes a moment to recover. We see that Isaac did have the knife that Laura's been looking for throughout the film. Laura takes it and stabs the thing to death.

We cut back to older Isaac, looking at that vent. He's an adult now, and he goes back to the stick-house in the woods. Now it's mostly just a big pile of collapsed sticks and brush now, but he still goes inside. He finds a photo of his father inside along with a humanoid skeleton that has no face on the skull. He then goes to visit Laura, whom he now calls "Mom." Everything has turned out OK.

Brian's Commentary

It's one of those stories where it could be supernatural, or it could be just a coping-with-grief story, we weren't really sure which until the end.

The house in the woods is neatly designed and very cool. We see very little of the monster until the end, which is not cool. It's not great-looking.

Overall, this is more family drama than horror, but it's... OK.

Kevin's Commentary

The angst and grief was laid on thick. And there was a little too much playing coy with the monster being real or visible to us for too long. But it was okay. And things wrapped up in the end. It was watchable, not too bad, but I don't feel like it's one I'd need to see again.

Alien 3 (1992)

• Directed by David Fincher

• Written by Dan O'Bannon, Ronald Shusett, Vincent Ward

• Stars Sigourney Weaver, Charles S. Dutton, Charles Dance

• Run Time: 2 Hours, 24 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

We saw the extended version known as the "Assembly Cut" this time around after previously seeing the theatrical release. There is a lot of extra footage that gives much more character to the prisoners, tells more background, and helps fill out Ripley's character a little more. Plus, we get more xenomorph action. If you enjoyed the first two movies, it's likely you'll have a good time here too.

Spoilery Synopsis

As the credits roll, we open with shots of the Sulaco from "Aliens," with the three survivors in cryosleep-- but there's clearly a facehugger on board. Bad things happen to the ship, and the lifeboat is ejected. The escape pod crashes on Fiorina-161, a mining/prison planet.

Clemens is out for a walk on the beach and finds Ripley lying there unconscious in the sand, on the beach, alone. He carries her back to the base, and the other men are shocked. "Get down to the beach; there may be others," he commands. We soon learn that Hicks and Newt have died in the crash, and Bishop was smashed up beyond repair. They send a report back to the company about what they've found.

Dillon calls a meeting of the other prisoners; he's a preacher, and all the prisoners have sworn a vow of nonviolence and celibacy. Andrews then explains about the crashed escape pod and the sole survivor. It's probably in everyone's best interest if the woman doesn't come out of the infirmary. None of the men has seen a woman in years.

Ripley finally wakes up, and Clemens fills her in on what's happened. He suggests she shave her head, as they have a lice problem. The base only has a staff of twenty-five prisoners. She eventually inspects the ship and notices an acid burn on Newt's cryo pod. She inspects the body, but Newt doesn't seem to have been impregnated with an egg. Ripley wants to do an autopsy just to be sure, but there's nothing in there.

Some of the men wonder what killed their prime cow. They find a dead facehugger nearby. Ripley talks Superintendent Andrews into having a funeral and cremation for the two dead bodies. While they do this, we cut back to the dead cow as something comes out of the body... This new xenomorph runs on four legs.

Dillon talks to some men in the cafeteria who complain about Golic; he stinks and he's crazy. Dillon tells them to deal with it. When Ripley walks in, all eyes are on her; she's gonna be trouble.

Later, Clemens talks to Ripley, and he really wants to know what she expected to find inside Newt. Rather than answer, she has sex with him. We cut to a maintenance man working in a ventilation shaft; he finds a molted skin-- and then what came out of it. Clemens gets called to deal with the mess.

Clemens very quickly puts it together that what happened to the maintenance man had something to do with the acid burn Ripley found. Andrews gets a call from the company that warns him how important Ripley is and that he needs to protect her at all costs.

Meanwhile, Ripley goes out to the junkyard and recovers what's left of Bishop. She's attacked by four prisoners but is violently rescued by Dillon. She gets Bishop to a workshop and hooks him up to the flight recorder. He's a mess, but he can replay what happened to the Sulaco; there was an alien on board. "It was with us all the way," he confesses. Then he asks to be disconnected and let die permanently.

Three men go down into the tunnels to work, and two of them, Boggs and Rains, are killed by an Alien. Golic gets away, covered in blood, and is soon accused of killing the other two men. He blames "the dragon." Ripley gets involved and tells Andrews about the alien now that she's sure one is among them. Andrews doesn't believe any of it.

Ripley starts feeling ill. She asks why Clemens is here-- is he a prisoner? He admits that he got addicted to morphine and killed a bunch of patients by accident. He was a prisoner, but when his sentence was up he had nowhere else to go so he stayed as their doctor. As Clemens injects Ripley with a sedative, an alien kills Clemens right in front of her. It then gets right up close to Ripley, sniffs her, and then backs away.

Just as Ripley runs in to warn the assembled men about the monster, it kills Andrews right in front of them all. The men want Dillon, the violent preacher, to take charge, but he looks to Ripley for leadership. She says this one moves differently from what she's seen before (because it came out of a cow).

Andrews suggests luring the creature into the toxic waste disposal vault. It's never been used, but it'll securely hold anything. Dillon gets the men working on the plan. As they work, it becomes obvious that Ripley really is sick. The alien kills a man and the explosive trap goes off prematurely, killing a bunch of the men. Still, they do manage to trap it inside the vault.

Things calm down a bit, and Dillon does a funeral for all the dead. Ripley and Aaron talk about the company coming to kill the alien-- or not kill it more likely. The company sends a message prohibiting them from killing the xenomorph. Meanwhile, Golic, the crazy one, gets out of the infirmary, kills a guard, and opens the vault door. Turns out, this alien doesn't need a Renfield and kills him.

Ripley continues to deteriorate and decides to do a medical exam on herself. Aaron helps her run a scan, and sure enough, there's an alien inside her waiting to hatch. It's a new queen. The company gets a copy of the scan and says to quarantine Ripley-- they want that alien. The company messages that they'll be there in two hours.

Dillon gathers all the men together to just hang out until the company arrives in ten hours. They decide it might be a good idea to lure the xenomorph into the foundry and bury it in molten lead.

Ripley knows the xenomorph won't kill her because she's carrying the new queen. She wants it to kill her, but it won't. She asks Dillon to kill her, but he won't do it-- yet. She has to persuade the others to kill the alien rather than wait for the company to arrive. They use themselves as bait to lure the alien through the many corridors toward the leadworks.

Outside, the company ship arrives. Ripley starts experiencing chest pains. Aaron leads the scientists and company men through the base.

The plan goes badly, and most of the prisoners die. Dillon drags Ripley away from the alien, and the alien thinks she's being attacked, which draws it out of hiding. Dillon and the xenomorph eventually go one-on-one, but that's got a predictable outcome. Ripley pulls the lever and buries the monster under tons of molten lead.

Nope- it hops right out, covered in boiling lead. Ripley turns on the sprinklers and the cold water does nasty things to the superheated alien. It shatters.

Ripley and Morse are the only ones left. Aaron and the armed company men show up. Bishop is there; another Bishop-- No, he's the human who designed Bishop. He says he wants to help, to take the alien out of her. He says he wants to kill the malignancy. The doctor with him says it'll be an easy operation, and it's all very tempting for her.

The company men shoot Aaron and wound Morse. Human Bishop reveals that he really does just want the alien. They all watch as Ripley lets herself fall backward into the furnace and is killed. Bishop and the men on the ship leave with Morse, the only survivor. The mining/prison colony will be sold as scrap.

Brian's Commentary

We watched the longer "Assembly Cut" from the 2003 Special Edition. It's nearly a half hour longer than the theatrical cut. A large block of the opening is different, as we are simply told about Hicks and Newt, but we see a lot more about their retrieval. A lot of the other scenes are extended, and there's a lot more detail. Overall, it's much improved over the theatrical cut.

This time around, we know from the get-go that Ripley is infected, but it takes a crazy long time for this egg to hatch.

There were some added scenes that probably could have been cut, but overall, the longer version is definitely the way to go.

Kevin's Commentary

I still haven't forgiven them for killing off Newt, Hicks, and Bishop after all they went through to survive the previous movie. In addition to an "Assembly Cut," I want a "Happy Cut," where they all make it back to Earth without any aliens. Ripley and Hicks get married and adopt Newt, who loves Jonesy the cat and Jonesy loves her. They establish the RipleyHicks Private Detective Agency and Bishop teams up with them solving crimes and cases. But no, we got this movie. Which was actually much better, I thought, in the "Assembly Cut" than the theatrical release, and I was very entertained. I'd put it at 4th in my ratings of the Alien films.

1969 All Monsters Attack

• AKA "Godzilla's Revenge"

• Directed by Ishiro Honda, Jun Fukuda, Kengo Furusawa

• Written by Shinichi Sekizawa

• Stars Kenji Sahara, Machiko Naka, Tomonori Yazaki

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 9 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is a version of the mythos with a child as the central character, a latchkey kid who's on the lonely side and a very active imagination. Quite a bit of the film consists of clips stitched together, interspaced with the kid's storyline and some new scenes created of him with Minilla, the Son of Godzilla. Brian didn't hate it, but Kevin almost did.

Spoilery Synopsis

We watch clips of the famous monsters as credits roll along with what might be the worst theme song ever recorded.

We open on a very industrial-looking area of Japan as two children walk to school. Little Ichiro talks about the sound that Minilla makes; he's a fan, and his friend is Sachiko. We get a song that smog and pollution are the real monsters.

We see that Ichiro's father drives a train; he doesn't like that his son doesn't have any friends, and that he's a latchkey kid. His co-worker reads a newspaper story about robbers.

Some bullies pick on Ichiro, and they all call him "chicken." After school, he stops off at Shinpei's, his inventor friend's house, and he's built a "kiddy computer." It shows pictures of the moon, but Ichiro is more interested in Monster Island.

Ichiro is home alone, and he watches the news about the 50 million-yen heist. He uses a beat-up old radio to pretend to contact Monster Island. He imagines himself on an airplane en route to Monster Island. We get clips of Godzilla beating up various monsters (in clips from previous films). He sees and identifies all the monsters there. He runs from the monsters and falls into a near-bottomless pit.

When he gets out of the pit, he runs into Minilla, who speaks to him and is very nice. Suddenly, Gabara attacks, and they run away and hide. The phone rings, and Ichiro's mother says she has to work late and won't be home tonight. This takes Ichiro right out of his dream.

Ichiro goes outside to play and hides from the bully (whose name is also Gabara) inside an abandoned building. He finds some cool loot in the wreckage, but someone else is there. It's the robbers! Ichiro leaves, but not before pocketing one of the robbers' driver's license.

The police go to Shinpei's house and warn him that the robbers are in the area as he and Ichiro eat dinner. Ichiro takes a nap after, and soon, he's back with Gabara and running through the woods.

Minilla says he has no friends, just like Ichiro. "Godzilla says I have to learn to fight my own battles," says the little green guy. We then cut to Godzilla fighting a crab monster as the two "children" watch. Naturally, Godzilla wins and drives his enemy away.

Godzilla almost immediately runs into Kumongo the spider and has to fight him too. Minilla shoots a smoke ring at him, but he's just too little to make a difference.

Gabara is up next. Minilla suddenly grows much taller and shoots smoke rings at the laughing monster. He's still too small, and Gabara throws him around quite a bit.

Fighter jets attack Godzilla, but he makes them pay by crushing them all. Minilla and Godzilla get together and have a laser-breath lesson. Suddenly, a plant grabs Ichiro.

In the real world, Ichiro has been grabbed by the robbers and taken to their hideout as a prisoner. In his mind, Ichiro calls Minilla, who is busy fighting Gabara again. With Ichiro's help, Minilla blasts the big green monster in the face, which only enrages him. Minilla tries to run, but Godzilla pushes him back into the fight; it's time to learn to fight his own battles.

Again, with Ichiro's help, Minilla attacks and sends the baddie flying. Godzilla is pleased and finishes off the monster.

Back in the robbers' lair, the men hotwire Shinpei's car and take Ichiro with them as a hostage. Ichiro remembers Minilla's words and starts fighting his own battle; he runs back into the old building. There's some hide-and-seek as he hides.

Shinpei finds his car with a bag full of money in the driver's seat outside that building.

Inside Ichiro uses what he's learned from the monster to beat the bad guys. The police show up and arrest the two robbers. Shinpei is impressed with Ichiro's actions and takes him home. The news reporters all want to talk to Ichiro, who credits Minilla for saving him.

On the way to school, Ichiro joins the other kids, even Gabara, whom he beats up. "I hate bullies!" he yells.

Brian's Commentary

The monsters here are all heroic-- except for killing all those fighter pilots.

This was Ishiro Honda's second favorite Godzilla film after the original. This was also the first Godzilla film specifically marketed toward children, something that many of the next series of Godzilla films would emulate.

Most of the monster footage here has been re-used from previous films as the budget was miniscule. With years between releases and the young age of the audience, probably few people noticed at the time. Still, it's Ichiro's story, not Godzilla's, and his stuff is all new.

It was highly regarded as a children's film when it came out, but it really doesn't hold up today, at least for us adults. For Japanese-speaking kids of the time, this was probably peak entertainment, but for American kids of Ichiro's age, there's probably way too much reading with the subtitles. I'd recommend finding a dubbed version if you want to show it to a child.

Overall, I didn't hate it, but it's very different from what came before.

Kevin's Commentary

This one didn't work for me. I got tired of the kid, I wasn't impressed with the stitching together of footage from other movies, and it was too kid-oriented. If you want to introduce a child to Godzilla and his ilk, this one might be a good one to use. I wouldn't recommend it for adults looking for entertainment.

1976 The Food of the Gods

• Directed by Bert I. Gordon

• Written by H. G. Wells, Bert I. Gordon

• Stars Marjoe Gortner, Pamela Franklin, Ralph Meeker

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 29 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

What do you do when thick, pale sludge starts bubbling out of the ground on your property? Feed it to your farm animals, of course. And if the rats and bugs get to it, too, it just adds to the fun. This is loosely based on a portion of the story by H.G. Wells, though they really pushed that connection. Overall, it was just good, not great. A moderate thumbs up.

Spoilery Synopsis

Morgan explains that he's a major football player on vacation to an island. He brings team photographer Brian along as well. He talks about man polluting the Earth, and the ominous warning his wise old father gave him about nature getting its revenge on mankind.

We cut to Morgan and some other men chasing a deer on horseback. They corner the deer, but Morgan lets it go. Davis wants meat, so he continues on after the deer into the deeper woods. Davis is killed by giant wasps.

Morgan goes for help, but instead gets assaulted by a gargantuan rooster. He fights it off with a pitchfork. Mrs. Skinner, the owner of the giant chickens, doesn't have a phone. She's afraid of something and asks Morgan to take a look. She shows him rat holes-- the rats and wasps have gotten into the special "food" that the Lord has sent them. The food makes things grow big, and Morgan points out that giant chickens are one thing, but rats and wasps aren't necessarily good.

Morgan and Brian go back to the ferry to leave the island. They've got Davis's dead body in the back of the car to take to the coroner.

We cut back to Mrs. Skinner, alone in her isolated cabin. Mr. Skinner is on the ferry back to the island, and he asks the man on the boat if he's heard about anything unusual on the island, but the man doesn't know anything. When he gets off the ferry, he gets a flat tire on the way home, and while he's fixing it, he's eaten by giant rats. At home, his wife sticks her hand into some giant maggots and screams.

The next day, we meet Tim and Rita, whose RV is stuck in the mud. Jack Bensington and Lorna drive right on by, refusing to stop and help. The Bensingtons stop at the Skinner farm and see all the dead giant chickens. What killed those? They go inside and see the maggots.

Mrs. Skinner charges in; her husband called Jack and Lorna to see the special animals. She shows them to a fountain of brown sludge that bubbles out of the ground like oil.

Bensington offends Mrs. Skinner, and she doesn't like him. Lorna sees the giant wasps, and they all hide in the old woman's house.

Meanwhile, Morgan and Brian return to the island to learn more about what killed Davis. They find Thomas and Rita with their RV, who tell them a crazy story about seeing giant rats last night.

The two guys make it to the Skinner house and shoot their hunting rifles at the bees. Morgan doesn't take any of Bensington's crap, but Lorna is immediately attracted to Morgan. They soon come upon the huge wasp nest and set it on fire.

Mrs. Skinner runs to the men and says that Lorna fell into a rathole and can't get out. Out in the woods, the rats terrorize Thomas and Rita. Brian and Morgan go over there to check it out, and there are a lot of rats, as big as horses.

Bensington fills up a bunch of bottles and jars with the magic food, and he's got a one-track mind: starving people equals big money. Lorna whines that Rita may be having problems with her baby. Out in the woods, Morgan comes up with a ridiculous plan to electrocute and drown the rats. The plan only halfway works, and Brian is eaten by the rats.

Bensington's got all the samples he can carry, and he's ready to get in the car and leave. Morgan returns and smashes all his bottles just before the rats attack. Bensington is eaten, and the rest of the characters all barricade themselves inside Mrs. Skinner's house.

Tom and Morgan argue about strategy as Rita goes into labor. Lorna wants to have sex with Morgan, right in the middle of the siege. The rats start chewing through the walls, and Mrs. Skinner can't fight off the packs.

Morgan and Tom drive to a small wooden dam and blow it up with pipe bombs. Lorna delivers Rita's baby as the rats crawl all over the house. Everyone rushes upstairs as the flood waters cover everything.

The oversized, overheavy rats can't swim and they all drown in the flood. Only the white rat leader is left, and Morgan fights it hand to hand. He eventually knocks it into the water with all the others.

The two men gather up the rat bodies and Lorna throws the jars of the F.O.T.G. in with them before burning it all. It's over.

Months pass on the Skinner farm, and we see that Bensington's jars of food have washed downstream to where the cows are grazing and giving milk, which goes to all the little kids' schools... SLURP!

Brian's Commentary

Wait a minute-- was the entire island under sea level? How did blowing up a dam flood the island? That looked like the whole ocean was on the other side of that damn, not just a little bit of water.

I remember wanting to see this when it came out; the TV ads looked amazing. My parents wouldn't let me see it, so I got the novelisation through one of those Scholastic catalogs-- yes, they sometimes offered scary books in those. I don't think it was the H.G. Wells novel, but they may have fooled me. I'd have enjoyed the heck out of this at nine years old, but a lot less so today.

In the meantime, I did eventually catch it on TV, and it was edited to pieces-- purely awful. This version, which we watched on Tubi, was uncut. The rats attacking Brian and Mr. Skinner seemed to go on for quite a while and showed a lot of gore and blood that would have been edited out for TV.

The special effects on the insects are pretty awful and dated, but the rats are fairly well done, a combination of puppets and real rats. The many shots of rats being shot aren't real, but they look realistic.

Kevin's Commentary

This was pretty good as far as entertainment value. Just don't think too much about physics or the conservation of matter, or how water levels work. I'm pretty sure I saw this at the drive in when it came out. It's not quite a classic, but it's worth a watch.

Short Films:

2024 Short Film: Match

• Directed by Victor Basallotte

• Written by Victor Basallotte

• Stars Adelaida Polo, Vanessa Orrego

• Run Time: 8:27

• Watch it:

What Happens

Rachel uses one of those online dating apps-- you know, the one where you swipe left or right. She clicks on Zalir's profile and sees something creepy in the image. Afterward, her app, and the phone itself, starts to misbehave. Zalir won't stop matching with her. Then the text messages start...

Commentary

Everyone knows there are risks with online dating, but no one expected this! There's no real explanation as to why this is happening, but it's always clear what is happening.

2024 Short Film: Room Tone

• Directed by Michael Gabriele

• Written by Michael Gabriele, Danny Rhodes

• Stars Mickey O'Sullivan, Angela Aiello, LaShonda Barton

• Run Time: 8:55

• Watch it:

What Happens

The director yells "Cut!" as the action on set grinds to a halt. It's break time, and everyone goes their own ways for a quick lunch. Since there's no action, the sound guy comes in to do a "Room Tone" recording, which requires the place to be quiet for a minute.

How hard could that be? He soon finds out.

Commentary

This is perfectly filmed, well acted, nicely paced, and overall a lot of fun. As someone who has narrated audiobooks and does a podcast every week, I can empathize with this guy's problem. It's really well done.

2024 Short Film: The Limb Fairy

• Directed by Will McDaniel

• Written by Will McDaniel

• Stars Will McDaniel

• Run Time: 4:03

• Watch it:

What Happens

We open with the Limb Fairy, flying through the skies, eventually coming into the main character's bedroom as he sleeps. The weird little creature goes to work, trying hard not to wake the man. He fails in this and then has to explain himself. It's all very awkward!

Commentary

"Just a generic fairy!"

The lesson here seems to be that you should be careful what you put under your pillow; you might lose it.

This is just ridiculous, cheesy, and cheap, but it's also very funny. Give it a watch!

2024 Short Film: Shadow Friends

• Directed by Conor Neal

• Written by Conor Neal

• Stars Kira Dudas

• Run Time: 7:07

• Watch it:

What Happens

A girl listens to music in the park and then walks home at dusk. By the time she gets home, it's full dark, so she goes inside and turns on the lights. Wait-- was that someone there in the dark? She doesn't see anything with the light on.

What's going on here?

Commentary

We soon found out. This one is nicely shot with some great outdoor cinematography, although many of the indoor scenes are very dark. The special effects are amateurish but get the idea across. I would have liked more of a reason for this all to be happening, but it's still pretty entertaining.

2024 Short Film: Kalley's Last Review

• Directed by Julia Bailey Johnson

• Written by Julia Bailey Johnson

• Stars Julia Bailey Johnson

• Run Time: 9:18

• Watch it:

What Happens

Kalley does a beauty blog for a YouTube channel. She does the usual YouTubey things as she does her reviews. She's got a new chemical peel kit that she's been offered by a cool new startup. She points out a few skin flaws that she hopes the peel will fix.

She applies the peel chemical and soon feels an effect.

Commentary

Oh my. That's not how a peel is supposed to work. Ew!

It's all done in the style of a well-produced review video, but it goes a little further than most of them. Some people would do anything for their audience.

I love how we can see this getting worse and worse as the video progresses. There are some ... ah... makeup effects here, but otherwise, it's all exactly what you'd expect in an indie streamer.

It's really good!

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