Horror Weekly

Five newer films this week, including three takes on popular children’s cartoons that definitely aren’t for children! We’ll start off with the mysterious “Presence” and then the silly “The Parenting.” For our not-a-cartoon segment, we’ll take a dip with “The Little Mermaid” and then go sailing with “Popeye the Slayer Man” and “Popeye’s Revenge.”

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Mainstream Films:

2025 Presence

* Directed by Steven Soderbergh

* Written by David Koepp

* Stars Lucy Liu, Chris Sullivan, Callina Liang

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 24 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is filmed in an interesting way with lots of swooping around like we’re the POV from a ghost, and there are a low number of hard cuts - instead going with long continuous shots. The horror simmers in the background while family drama and bad people things are at the front. We both kind of liked it but didn’t love it.

Spoilery Synopsis

We walk through a big, empty, dark house. Credits roll.

In the daytime, a woman rushes in and gets ready for a meeting. She’s a Realtor, and she’s showing the house to Rebekah, Chris, Tyler, and Chloe. The house has just gone on the market.

The painters arrive to work, but one of them refuses to go into one of the rooms. Soon, the family is all moved in. Not long after, we see that Rebekah may have done some shady business dealings, and she may face some repercussions. Chris worries about his own involvement in whatever she’s done; he’s thinking of separating from Rebekah.

Chloe, on the other hand, is still grieving the death of her friend Nadia, who died suddenly. She soon senses someone in the room with her. The next day, the ghost picks up all her schoolbooks and puts them away for her. Chloe notices that right away.

Chris and Rebekah talk about getting help for Chloe, who isn’t over Nadia’s death yet. Chris wants to get her a therapist, but Rebekah says it’ll just take time.

Tyler brings Ryan home to meet Chloe, and the two are soon a couple. They talk about Nadia; he knew her too. It was bad drugs, Chloe thinks. She also thinks Nadia’s spirit is in the house with them. As soon they start to make out, the shelf in the closet breaks down, interrupting things.

At dinner, Chloe asks the others about feeling a “presence” in the house. Tyler gets nasty with her, calling her an attention-seeker. Everyone argues. Chris mentions that Chloe knew both girls who died– there were two who died from the bad drugs.

Even Chris thinks Tyler is being a jerk. When Tyler brags about posting a bad photo of a girl from school on the Internet, the ghost wrecks his bedroom, and they all see it. Chloe swears it’s Nadia.

Chris calls in Carl and Lisa, a couple of psychics, who stop by on their lunch break. Lisa says “It’s suffering, just like you are, Chloe.” The presence is there for a reason, but Lisa can’t tell what that is. Tyler and Rebekah soon decide that Lisa’s a fake, but Chloe is all in on what she said.

Ryan comes over and spikes Chloe’s drink as the ghost watches. The table starts to vibrate, and her drink falls on the floor. She invites him to stay over on the weekend while her parents will be away.

Lisa comes back, and says she had a dream about a “window that doesn’t open” and that the ghost is there to prevent something bad from happening.

Chris and Rebekah talk vaguely about their legal issues, but we still don’t know what the trouble is. They may talk to a lawyer while they’re on their trip. They leave.

Ryan comes over and Tyler lets him in. He drugs Tyler and knocks him right out before preparing a similar drink for Chloe.

Chloe decides she doesn’t want to go through with it with Ryan. “I’m not like… stable.” She tells him no, but then drinks her spiked OJ.

As she passes out, he goes on and on about how she only gets what she wants, and she wants all this. Ryan basically admits killing Nadia and the other girl. He smothers her off-and-on with some plastic wrap. The ghost sees all this and tries to help– it goes downstairs and wakes up Tyler. He runs upstairs, tackles Ryan, and they both go out the upstairs bedroom window which seems to instantly kill them both.

The house is empty again, the family is moving out. Rebekah looks in the old mirror and sees Tyler in there. “He came back to see me!” She cries and everyone is sad.

Brian’s Commentary

We get lots of long, lingering shots, apparently from the ghost’s point of view as it moves from room to room inside the house. It’s a pretty good house, and we spend the entirety of the film wandering around inside watching the humans inside. It’s like a depressing version of “The Sims.”

It’s a believable yet dysfunctional family. It’s a very slow moving, talky film, with very little action. I had assumed that the parents were covering up the fact that Tyler had killed those girls but that wasn’t the case at all. We never actually find out what the family’s legal issue is about.

It’s… OK. Not great.

Kevin’s Commentary

I did like the POV from a ghostly viewpoint. And it did have some entertaining moments. The cast puts in some realistic and believable performances, notable for relatively inexperienced Callina Liang and newcomer Eddy Maday keeping up as the teenage kids with their much more experienced parent actors. But I thought the horror was a bit too low-key with the family drama front and center. I liked it more than I disliked it, six out of ten.

2025 The Parenting

* Directed by Craig Johnson

* Written by Kent Sublette

* Stars Nik Dodani, Brandon Flynn, Brian Cox, Edie Falco, Lisa Kudrow, Dean Norris

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 34 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is a very funny take on an awkward family get-together with an excellent cast. After it gets going, we get to see some horror elements as a bonus. It’s very well made and a lot of fun.

Spoilery Synopsis

It’s 1983, and Jamie and Allie argue with their mother. “Hate you kids.” Then something in the basement grabs and eats the mother. Jamie goes downstairs, and it gets him as well. As Allie walks through the house, all the wallpaper peels off the walls. The monster gets her too.

We cut to Rohan and Josh driving down the road, talking about cats. They’re on the way to a huge rental house where all their parents are going to meet. Josh says his parents are normal, and Rohan is jealous of that.

They arrive at the house and meet Brenda, who tells them about a big fire in the 80s. The house has been empty since, and she’s the caretaker. She’s very weird. Sara calls on the phone and warns Rohan not to propose to Josh this weekend.

Rohan’s wealthy adoptive parents arrive. Frank and Sharon awkwardly meet Josh. Liddy and Cliff, Josh’s parents, arrive next, and they’re more working class. They brought three little yap-yap dogs.

Someone we don’t see shakes a snowglobe with a miniature of the house inside, and it starts to snow for real at the house. The parents are all annoying, and it’s very awkward for the young gay couple. Josh eats some funny gummies, and he no longer cares about the parents.

Dinner is comically awkward as well, Josh doesn’t help. It soon becomes a weird singalong. Everyone complains about the flaky wifi. The wifi password, when read aloud, apparently summons some kind of creature.

Everyone turns in for the night, but they all hear bumping and grinding from the next bedroom. Everyone hears it, all three couples. None of them are doing the bumping or the grinding. We cut to a person with no mouth banging their head against the wall downstairs.

Sara shows up out of the blue, which annoys Rohan. Frank reads the wifi password and wanders down to the basement to reset the router. A clawed hand reaches out for him, and he takes it.

In the morning, everyone convenes for breakfast. They all hint about the noises during the night and wonder about Frank being absent. Sara comes in, and everyone hates her immediately. Frank walks into the room, and he’s… different. Frank cuts Josh with the big knife by accident– twice. The resulting chaos winds up killing one of the little dogs.

Everyone argues later until Frank walks into the room, completely naked and proud of it. This is followed by lots of vomiting, and Frank doesn’t know what happened. One of the little dogs eats some of the puke and his eyes start to glow.

The romantic, fun weekend is not going well for anyone. Frank has a talk with the demon who already possesses him. Josh and Rohan argue about each other’s behavior until they see a crazy weird monstrous woman standing in the corner before vanishing.

Sara goes into the basement, looking for a snow shovel, and finds some photos as well as Jaime from the 80s down there, who’s now a ghost zombie. He chases her outside and then vanishes.

Everyone knows something is going on, but none of it makes sense. Sara has photos of the pre-zombie family who used to live there. She also finds Allie’s book on demonology and Andras in particular. They all decide that Allie must have summoned a demon, and now it’s in Frank.

Sharon takes some food to Frank, who asks her to kill him. Things get crazy from there, and now no one doubts that there’s a demon in Frank. They lock the monster in a bedroom, and everyone talks about their feelings in this situation. It’s all very heartwarming until the little demon dog attacks Liddy.

Josh and Rohan walk to the nearby neighbor’s house– it’s Brenda. She knows all about the demon, but didn’t think the wifi thing was going to work. She explains the story with Allie, Jamie, and their mother. Brenda was into the occult and got Allie into the scene. “What if we conjure a demon?” Things went badly after that.

The warm moon is out, the snow is suddenly gone, and Brenda is doing a ritual to bring Andras out. Rohan goes inside and talks to the zombie ghosts, who have been trying to help. Rohan goes outside to confront Frank and Brenda, and he volunteers to be a host for the monster. It starts to leave Frank to go into him, and Josh is supposed to shoot Rohan once it’s in him, but he can’t do it. Josh invites it into him instead. Soon, they’re all doing it in a circle. The demon doesn’t know what to do and splits up into multiple directions before manifesting in person. Frank himself stomps the weakened demon-bird to death.

The next morning, everyone, including Brenda watches as Josh asks Rohan to marry him. Frank apologizes for being a rotten father to Rohan. They see the three ghosts and the one dead dog ghost outside, and dead-Allie flips off Brenda before they all vanish.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s all very real and very awkward until the demon shows up. It’s still hilarious after that, but it takes a more horror-centric approach.

What happened to Kate the dog? The dog just sorta vanished after Sara arrived and didn’t appear until the end.

The creature at the end, as well as the zombies, really aren’t much to look at. This one is all about the excellent cast, a bunch of familiar faces you’ve seen before. Brian Cox must have had a ball doing this after Succession ended– it’s very different.

And good. It’s very funny!

2024 The Little Mermaid

* Directed by Leigh Scott

* Written by Leigh Scott

* Stars Mike Markoff, Lydia Helen, Jeff Denton

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 29 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The cast does a decent job with this telling of the tale, though there aren’t enough musical numbers. It’s a serious take on the tale, with plenty of horror elements and some nice references to H.P. Lovecraft worked in. We were pleasantly surprised at how entertaining it was.

Spoilery Synopsis

Dr. Eric Prince leads an archaeological team digging on the shore. Mr. Collins, from the board, complains that he’s supposed to be doing offshore digging, and he’s creeping too far inland. Eric explains that what he’s working on might be a lot better. Eric offers a bigger bribe, so that’s all good for now.

Meanwhile, a couple of fishermen out in a boat catch something in a net. They pull it on board and see that it’s a… mermaid. “This is better than a marlin,” says one. The mermaid wakes up and chomps one of them with a mouthful of fangs. Then her tail divides into legs, and she hypnotizes the other man.

Eric has a nightmare about vicious mermaids. He gets a call from a man who has some relics for him to see. The man has very old coins and jewelry, and a strange woman sold them to him. Eric says he’d like to meet this mystery woman.

At the dig site, they find a mummified body and a fishy-looking pagan idol of Dagon. There’s most likely an ancient temple buried right here. Eric says that it’s a huge discovery, the biggest since King Tut.

We cut to a red-haired woman who looks very familiar. She talks to the man with the coins and jewelry. She’s very interested in the ancient temple that Eric has found. She arranges a meeting with Eric; she’s Aurora. She says her trinkets were just old things the family had.

They flirt and appear to be attracted to one another. He says she looks really familiar.

Eric and his helpers take a boat out to do some diving. While down there, Eric sees a red-headed mermaid, very clearly. His helper sees it as well, so he knows he’s not crazy. The next day, Eric tells Aurora what he saw. She’s not as skeptical as she should be, and even hints that she might be a mermaid herself.

Mr. Collins, on the other hand, wants to cancel Eric’s digging permit. He has until the end of the day to clear out everything.

Eric has another date with Aurora, and she has her cook make sushi. We see that her cook is the hypnotized fisherman from the boat, who is looking a little fishy himself now. Eric mentions that the dig has been halted due to the locals. She makes her intentions clear, and Eric’s not about to put up a fight.

Later, she gets her minion Sebastian to drive her to town, where she meets with Mr. Collins. She uses her mind control to make him do her bidding. Surprisingly, Collins calls Eric and tells him that he can continue to dig in that area after all. Aurora says she bought the whole place.

Dr. Ferdinand Ashley, from the university arrives to help on the dig. They’ve been financing all this until now. He finds a stone tablet that has an inscription and warning about evil spirits. Then they find a sacred seal, and of course, Eric quickly breaks the seal. Ferdy mentions a dig in Innsmouth, where he had to deal with a Dagon cult once before, and he wants to avoid that this time around. Also, he warns Eric not to get in trouble with Aurora, as so happens when Eric is around women.

Ferdy does some research on mermaids and Dagon. That temple really shouldn’t be here, but that’s the least weird thing about all this. They start pumping water out of the flooded underground temple.

Ferdy goes into town and finds a photo of Aurora from 1921, but then, he’s confronted by Sebastian and Aurora. She’s very threatening, but Ferdy is smart and says the right thing and they let him go… with Sebastian following.

Ferdy has a nightmare and tells Eric that they need to stop digging and get out of town. Eric thinks Ferdy has lost his mind, going on and on about opening magical cursed tombs and how evil Aurora is. Ferdy enlists Archie, the local guy, to work against Aurora. Just then, cultists in fish masks arrive. “Her majesty would like a word with you.”

Diving into the subterranean temple, Eric looks around and finds lots of neat stuff. He comes up and finds that he’s been down there for hours. It’s dark, so he’ll have to wait until tomorrow to go down again.

Aurora tells Eric that Ferdy and Archie tried to kill her and that she stopped them. Ferdy and Archie are being held prisoner by Sebastian on the beach. Aurora tells Eric that she couldn’t break the seal on the temple; she’s been trying for centuries.

Aurora admits what she is to Eric. She wants him to go back to the temple, open the gates, and let the Old Ones out to conquer the world. Ferdy and Archie break loose, kill Collins and Sebastian, but Eric won’t let them kill Aurora. “She’s my destiny.” He leans in for a kiss, and Archie shoots them both.

Aurora roars and jumps back in the ocean as Eric apologizes and dies. Ferdy and Archie rush back to the dig site to seal it up before Aurora can release Hell on Earth. The guys reseal the tomb, say some magic words, and save the Earth.

Aurora comes to Ferdy; she can’t break her promise not to harm him. She admits that she’s just one of many and her time will come, one way or another.

Brian’s Commentary

The movie needed more songs and dancing. These live-action remakes sure are different from the original Disney, aren’t they? ;)

There are a lot of references here to H.P. Lovecraft, who wrote about “The Deep Ones,” which aren’t exactly mermaids, but close enough for now. Innsmouth, Dagon, the Elder Gods, and more all get name-dropped here.

So what’s keeping Aurora from hypnotising some construction guys to open that tomb again? She knows right where it is and even owns the land it’s on.

The acting is fine, and everything looks good here. Some of the dialogue is pretty atrocious, and the story is about as predictable as can be, but it’s not bad overall.

Kevin’s Commentary

I’d say the dialogue was sometimes a weak point, but overall I was pleased. I really liked the Lovecraftian elements that were woven into the story, that was a good fit. I was bracing myself for something lame, but ended up enjoying it quite a bit.Kevin’s Commentary

This was even funnier than I expected, with a cast that all looked like they were having a good time, even when the horror elements kicked in. There was a surprisingly low body count for the situation they were in. It would have been a perfect setting to have the characters getting gradually killed off until there was a survivor or two at the end. It wasn’t that kind of movie, and it was fun seeing that for a change.

2025 Popeye the Slayer Man

* Directed by Robert Michael Ryan

* Written by Cuyle Carvin, John Dooan, Jeff Miller

* Stars Jason Robert Stephens, Sarah Nickin, Angela Relucio

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 28 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This take on the character was surprisingly good. The practical effects are well done, and Popeye looks cartoon realistic if a little unexpressive. There’s a little dark humor around the edges, but it’s mostly very serious. The story itself is pretty standard slasher fare, but all in all we liked it quite a bit.

Spoilery Synopsis

A woman runs through the foggy oceanside town toward a locked warehouse. She breaks the lock and rushes inside the cannery. Two men are chasing her, but one of them has heard stories about this place and is hesitant to follow her inside. The woman, Adrienne, stops when she sees a bulky man with big arms standing in the shadows. The bad men corner her until an empty can of spinach rolls into view. The hugely strong monster of a man tears one of the baddies in half and crushes the skull of the other. She calls him a monster, and he says “I am what I am.” Credits roll.

Dexter is making a documentary about “The Sailor Man,” a local legend. Dexter clearly likes Olivia, and Lisa seems to like Seth. “They say the Sailor Man is still out there, roaming the docks.” Dexter has arranged for all his friends to show up to the docks and help with his film.

Mr. Allister meets with Margo, a woman whose clients want to buy and demolish the old cannery. The place has been empty for twenty years, and that might be due to the hazardous contamination under the factory. And what about that crazy ghost story about the Sailor Man? They smell pipe smoke, and Allister goes off to investigate. Turns out, Margo was scared by Angus, the maintenance man for the property.

Angus, left in the building alone, does a security sweep before locking up. He finds what’s left of the two baddies from the pre-credit sequence. As he leaves them, he sees the Sailor Man, who squishes his head.

Dexter, Olivia, and Katie talk about the Sailor Man, and one of the drinkers there, Bernie, growls out the tale for them. Jesse and Terry come in, and they’re all over Olivia. Joey is Katie’s abusive boyfriend.

The young people all arrive at the cannery, and Olivia picks the lock. Dexter, Lisa, Katie, Olivia, and Seth go inside. Back at the bar, Joey, Terry, and Jesse talk about the Sailor Man and they plan to go to the cannery to get Katie.

Lisa and Seth split off and explore on their own, and they run into trouble with a spinach can. Dexter and Olivia explore as well while Katie watches the security monitors. Outside, Margot shows up and wonders what all the cars are outside for. She finds Angus’s remains and then sees the Sailor, who comes after her. After ripping a chunk of her scalp off, he shuts her in a compactor and turns it on.

Going through the papers, Dexter figures out that that plant closed due safety issues and a spinach infection. Dangerous labels of bacteria in the food could have had good outcomes. Alistair owns the cannery and the newspaper, so there must be a coverup. Lisa and Seth return, and they all smell pipe smoke. They read the old rhyme about “Popeye the Sailor Man,” something they’ve all heard.

Back in the office, Lisa spots Popeye and runs. “He’s real!” She runs straight into the arms of Joey, who bullies her. The Sailor Man arrives on the scene, and Jesse stabs him to no effect. When the Sailor man crushes his head, we see where the name “Pop-Eye” came from.

Terry tries to drive away, but Popeye lifts the car up so he can’t escape. He steps on a gnarly nail but keeps on going. The Sailor Man drags a huge anchor and uses it to behead Jesse. “Anchors away,” he grunts.

Lisa and Seth find Jesse’s body and decide it’s time to go. Joey has a gun and shoots Katie by mistake. Everyone runs in panic, and Seth falls off a ladder. He doesn’t suffer long, as Popeye impales him with some rebar. Lisa soon follows in exactly the same way.

Dexter and Olivia find the Sailor Man’s lair and even an old photo of him when he was a normal human with his family. His wife, Olive Oyl, was the whistleblower for the cannery’s contamination, and she disappeared shortly after breaking the story. They watch as Popeye comes in and downs a can of radioactive spinach. It’s toxic and has mutated that poor sailor man.

Dexter and Olivia come across Katie and Seth’s bodies and know it’s time to go. We see Joey is still wandering around with his gun. Dexter walks right into Popeye, who grabs him until Olivia shouts, “Let him go!” which he does, but not before breaking Dexter’s arm badly. Olivia thinks the monster isn’t trying to hurt them, he’s just protecting his home. Dexter wonders why the Sailor listened to Olivia, and it also looked like Olivia recognized that picture of the Sailor’s wife.

Olivia talks to Popeye. “You recognize me, don’t you? Daddy?” He nods. “My Swee-Pea?!” Just then, Joey shoots Popeye. Olivia tells Popey that the spinach is destroying his mind. When Joey threatens Olivia, he rips Joey’s arm off and beats him to death with the bloody stump.

Dexter and Olivia make it outside and find Katie, who’s not dead. Police and ambulances soon arrive. Dexter and Olivie promise to come back for Popeye and get him some help.

Later, Mr. Allister talks to the buyers who cancelled the sale. He still plans to demolish the cannery. He kicks a can of spinach and then runs into the big man himself. “I yam what I yam,” he says as he crushes the corrupt businessman’s head.

Brian’s Commentary

The prosthetics and practical gore effects are good. Maybe not exactly lifelike or expressive, but they do the job. Popeye gets a few zingers, but he's really hard to understand; fortunately he doesn’t talk much.

I liked the Wympee cameo. We did get spinach, a corn cob pipe, and some catchphrases. Other than some over-the-top deaths, there wasn’t as much humor here as I would have liked, it’s a pretty typical stalker/slasher film, just with a more well-known antagonist.

For a public-domain cash grab, it’s not too bad. It’s got a full coherent story that all makes sense. The closing credits have a banging theme song, and I’d totally be up for a sequel to this one.

Kevin’s Commentary

I’m glad they went with practical effects here, I think that helped a lot. Popeye looks decent enough, but maybe a little on the rubbery side. It’s got a decent story and moves well, with just enough references to the classic cartoon here and there. I give it a thumbs up.

2025 Popeye’s Revenge

* Directed by William Stead

* Written by Harry Boxley, E G. Segar

* Stars Emily Mogilner, Connor Powles, Danielle Ronald

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 19 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A very angry Popeye picks off a group of people in an isolated location by a lake in this one. With a swap, the killer could have been any big angry guy picking people off in creative and gory ways. It’s decent enough, but doesn’t make enough of the fact that it’s Popeye. Though there are multiple popping eyes as well as an assortment of other juicy practical effects. It was better than we expected, but not anything really special. A moderate thumbs up.

Spoilery Synopsis

We get an animation that tells about a baby who was born with some deformities. He had huge arms and a weird face. The child was constantly bullied until he killed one of the bullies, choking him so hard his eyes popped out. His parents locked him in the basement alone. An angry mob came to the house and burned it to the ground, killing his parents. The child was burned in the fire but escaped. The crowd chased him to the lake, where he fell in and disappeared. Popeye’s body was never found.

We cut to Mia and her two friends, who are out by the lake to make a video. Mia has a bad feeling about the legend of Popeye. Popeye’s old house is currently under renovation after fifteen years. Cherry is only there to make out with Alan, and the documentary soon turns into an accidental porn film.

Mia wanders around outside doing sound recording stuff, and she hears someone out there with her. A bald man in a sailor cap beats her to death with an anchor. Out of nowhere, he also drives his fist through Cherry’s chest, killing her instantly. Alan puts up more of a fight, but he can’t escape the lumbering killer. His eyes get popped.

Popeye’s imaginary friend slips a note under the door. “Welcome Back.” Credits roll.

Lora and her husband, George, argue about the property that they’ve just inherited. It’s the land where the legendary Popeye was supposed to have died. Their daughter Tara likes Dylan, and they’re off, along with Kathy to the lake. Beanie, Nick, Sky, and Donna are going along. They want to turn Popeye’s house into a haunted attraction.

The group literally runs into a fisherman on the road who warns them not to go to Popeye’s house, as the fog is lethal there. The seven young people arrive at the house; it’s creepy but they’ve been cleaning and restoring it. At the dock, Popeye takes notice of new occupants and kills that fisherman we saw earlier.

Back in town, George and Lora talk to Jane, their neighbor, who says, “He’s back. Three dead in the Popeye house!”

Tara tries to get all her friends to work rather than play. Donna and Dylan try to convince the others as well. There’s a knock at the door, and a crazy-eyed woman comes in. “You’re not supposed to be here. He’s not gonna like this. If you leave now, he won’t hurt you.” This warning is not well received by the gang. “I want you all to suffer the way he suffered,” she says before running off.

Later, Nick and Sky make out in the hot tub. She wants him to break up with Donna. They argue, and he leaves. Popeye shows up and kills her as Olive Oyl shows up to egg him on.

In the morning Nick tells everyone that Sky took a taxi home. Beanie asks Kathy on a date, but she’d rather die. Beanie then storms off into the foggy woods to sulk. He finds the boat the Popeye lives on and checks it out. Popeye rips his spine out before pulling his head off.

Tara’s parents finally figure out that she and her friends have gone to the murder house.

Nick and Donna argue, and he finds a mostly-eaten can of spinach as the fog rolls into the cabin. Nick finds out he’s not as tough as he thinks he is, and he, too, loses an eye. Outside, Donna finds that the cars all have flat tires she finds Nick’s body and runs off into the woods to hide from Popeye. He finds her and runs over her with a tractor.

Tara, Dylan, and Kathy look for the others but can’t find anyone. Tara finds a photo of her mother, and Dylan says his mother has the same photo. They hear Donna screaming and run to find Popeye finishing her off.

The parents arrive on the scene, and Popeye immediately kills Jane. George and Lora run away and catch up with Dylan and Tara.

Popeye catches up with Kathy and tips her car over before setting it on fire.

Back in the cabin, Lora tells the story. That thing out there is Johnny, her student, and that’s Popeye’s real name. The week after his death, he appeared in her nightmare, along with everyone in town. The dream wanted them to rebuild the house. She was involved in helping to kill little Johnny. Only little Tara stood up for Johnny, but she was too little to help.

Suddenly, Olive Oyl barges in and stabs George and Lora. Olive explains that she was Johnny’s sister, also locked in that basement. Johnny didn’t deserve what happened to him, and now he lives inside the fog that rolls in from the lake. Tara douses Olive in fuel, and Dylan burns her.

Popeye shows up, and he recognizes Tara. He starts beating Dylan to death until Tara gets on the tractor. They do something vague to lock him into place with the anchor, and then Tara runs him over with the lawn mower.

Of course, that can’t be the end for Popeye, who grabs Tara from behind after they think they are done.

Brian’s Commentary

Who knew Popeye was British? We almost needed subtitles at times. Also, Popeye was never a real sailor; his parents just dressed him like that.

This was made by the same people who made “Pooh: Blood and Honey” and its sequel– but without the loving care and attention to detail those films enjoyed. This is a basic kill-the-horny-teenagers-one-at-a-time at a campground movie. If Popeye had been a guy in a hockey mask, no one would have even noticed the film.

Some shots of the lake are covered in small boats, and others are just a dark gray deserted place. The continuity was clearly not a priority.

Actually, the whole thing seems rushed and subpar. It’s nowhere as good as “The Slayer Man.”

Kevin’s Commentary

The story follows a slasher formula that could have swapped anyone for Popeye. Though we don’t usually get to see the killer’s face so clearly without a mask. The practical effects are good. The kills are gruesome. It was okay as far as slasher flicks go, but the Popeye angle was kind of disappointing.

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We’ve got some classics and not-so-classics this week from Charles Band and Full Moon Entertainment. We’ll begin with 1976’s “Crash!”, follow that up with “Parasite” from 1982, and get crazy with “Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn” from 1983. We’ll then fast-forward a bit and watch the very odd “Meridian: Kiss of the Beast” from 1990 and then the very recent “City of Demons” from 2025.

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1976 Crash!

● Directed by Charles Band

● Written by Marc Marais

● Stars: Jose Ferrer, Sue Lyon, John Ericson

● Run Time: 1 Hour, 28 Minutes

● Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The awesome poster is the best thing about this one. If you’re into old-school practical effect car chases, crashes, and explosions, this one's for you. As far as horror movies go, it’s pretty tame. A somewhat disjointed tale of murder and revenge and collateral damage. It wasn’t a great film by any means, but we found it pretty entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

A couple in a van talk about almost arriving at their destination. A car comes up behind them and forces them off the road. It’s a Crash! The van explodes in a huge fireball, and we see a body fly through the air.

Sometime later, we watch Kim walking through an outdoor flea market at a drive-in. She buys an ugly little figurine from a creepy man at the swap meet.

We cut to Kim’s husband, Marc Denne, watching old movies of them playing tennis. Marc is now confined to a wheelchair, and he’s not happy about it. He doesn’t want her to ever leave the house again.

We cut to a man in a car who encounters the black convertible that caused the crash earlier. He also crashes and explodes!

Kim uses the little figurine on her car key chain and then goes for a drive. Suddenly, a Doberman dog jumps in the back of her convertible and causes her to crash, this time without the explosion.

We cut to Kim in the hospital, covered from head to toe in bandages. She’s all cut up and has dog bites as well. She’s in shock and won’t release that little figurine. We cut to Marc, who actually trained the dog to attack and kill his own wife.

There’s an APB out for the black convertible hit-and-run car, and as the policeman chases the car, he sees no one driving it at all. It makes the police car crash and then drives off.

Dr. Martin and Lt. Pegler don’t know who she is or what really happened to her. She wasn’t found anywhere near a car accident, so someone dumped her in the desert. Marc watches a “Do You Know This Woman” announcement on TV, so he knows she’s still alive. “With no memory she’s as good as dead, but what if she remembers?” He asks the dog.

Marc goes to the hospital where Kim is staying and sneaks into her room. He pulls out her breathing tube and IV and then leaves. Shortly after, Nurse Kathy finds her dying but hooks her back up; she and Dr. Martin know someone tried to kill Kim.

The driverless ghost car is surrounded now by three police cars, and it’s a crazy chase. All three police cars meet a violent end as the ghost car drives on.

Dr. Martin sketches the figure that Kim won’t release and talks to a guy at the university. The little statue is a Kaza, and it’s really old. The occult character it represents is dedicated to revenge and violence. Meanwhile, Kim wakes up with bright red eyes, and she telepathically moves the wheelchair in her room.

Dr. Greg Martin and Nurse Kathy talk to Kim, who has woken up but doesn’t remember anything. Meanwhile, the ghost car kills a few more police cars and tourists. Lt. Pegler is surprised that Kim has recovered so quickly; she’s going home to live with Nurse Kathy. Greg takes the Kaza figure to a specialist, who turns out to be… Marc. Marc knows all about the Kaza,

That night, Marc’s electric wheelchair attacks Marc’s dog, and Kim seems to be behind it telepathically. The dog is killed. Kathy sees that Kim’s eyes have turned bright red. Marc knows that the Kaza was behind the attack.

Marc calls Kim and wants to meet, but she still doesn’t recognize him. They get together and go back to his house, and she doesn’t remember that, either. He calls her Kim, and she doesn’t pick up on that, either. He admits everything and then locks her in the sauna before cranking it up to eleven.

Lt. Pegler and Greg watch as a black convertible is towed in. The keys fit, so it’s absolutely Kim’s car, so now they know who she is. When Greg hears that she’s Mrs. Demme, he runs off.

At the police impound yard, the car springs to life and escapes as Kim controls it mentally from inside the sauna. As Kim's memory returns, we get a hazy “greatest crashes” montage; she remembers all the car crashes now. (I think we see edited versions of all the crashes here, which goes on for far too long and feels like filler.)

Greg contacts Lt. Pefler, who sends everyone to Marc’s house before it’s too late. Meanwhile, Marc sits at home and practices what he’s going to tell the police. The convertible gets there first, and it stares down Marc in his wheelchair. He shoots at the car, but his little wheelchair can’t outrun the killer car. The car pushes the wheelchair over a cliff. When he survives the fall, the car “jumps” on him and explodes. Yeah. He's dead now.

Greg arrives at the house and runs inside. He opens up the sauna and finds Kim inside with red eyes, still controlling the killer car. He leads her out to safety.

Brian’s Commentary

I was never quite clear on why Marc wanted to kill Kim in the first place.

If you like car crashes, this one has a lot of them. The majority of the film’s budget had to have been for junk vehicles and obsolete police cars, so I lost track of how many crashed in this. If the convertible causing all the accidents was Kim's car, then how did it cause the van crash in the opening… before Kim’s accident? It was probably just an editing thing, but we noticed it.

John Carradine plays Dr. Wesley Edwards, the anthropologist who tells Martin about the Kaza. It’s a very small role, and he did all his shots in one afternoon. Jose Ferrer was in a large number of horror films around this time, but for some reason, he never really became a horror icon, which is unfortunate. John Ericson, playing Greg, looks like he’d rather be just about anywhere else other than here.

It’s fun in the way only a 1970’s schlockfest can be, and it is entertaining. Still, no one’s going to call this a great film.

Kevin’s Commentary

Although this was choppy and disjointed, it was a fun watch. I might have been a little nostalgic, having seen so many films of that era that were heavy on car crashes or at least included one or two. I hadn’t seen this one before. It’s not a great movie, but I enjoyed it.

1982 Parasite

● Directed by Charles Band

● Written by Alan J. Adler, Michael Shoob, Frank Levering

● Stars Robert Glaudini, Demi Moore, Luca Bercovici

● Run Time: 1 Hour, 25 Minutes

● Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This makes the bold claim of being the first futuristic monster movie in 3-D. Technically, perhaps it is. There is an ambitious story at the heart of it, but the execution doesn’t quite come together. It falls flat in the technical and acting aspects. It was some of Demi Moore’s earliest work, and she’s on record saying it was the worst movie she’s ever been in. It wasn’t truly awful, but it was pretty low.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a man loosely strapped to a table. A man with an “X” tattooed on his hand tightens the straps. There’s a scientist there, Dr. Paul Dean, and he’s working on something in his lab. There’s an accident and the worm he’s been experimenting on crawls inside him. Something bursts out of the man on the table’s chest, ala “Alien,” only cheaper looking. No, that was Paul’s nightmare– it was him on the table.

We see that it’s the far future of 1992, and the world has seen some changes, not for the better. Paul goes to a small, nearly deserted town and walks around with a laser pistol. He hears a scream and goes inside to find two men raping a woman. We see that for a scientist, Paul has the strength of a superhero as he takes out the two men. Afterward, the crazy woman attacks him, too. OK, it’s a bit more post-apocalyptic than it seemed at first.

Paul meets Buddy, an old man who’s tired of the crazies. He goes to Buddy’s for coffee, which is in short supply, but has a seizure due to the parasite inside him. On the way out, the crazy topless woman smashes his apparently-plastic laser pistol. He’s attacked by one of the men from before, but Paul stabs him in a really obvious 3D shot.

Paul stops for gas. The fill-up is $105, and they only take silver. He heads on into the tiny town of Joshua, population 60-ish. He finds a sign that says room for rent, and an older woman comes to the door. She doesn’t want his cash either, but she’ll take his gold ring. He gets a room and sets up all his “science stuff.”

Paul opens his shirt, and we see that his stomach is all grey and bumpy now. Paul goes next door to a restaurant that sells canned soup; the owner, Collins, doesn’t like the local kids. The local kids are all “punks” in every sense of the word, and they steal Paul’s soup. Patricia walks in, and they all turn their attention on her– she grows lemons for Collins. Ricus, the leader punk, used to work for the company, and he’s got the “X” tattoo to prove it. Pat and Collins eventually run off the gang.

Meanwhile, Miss Daley, Paul’s new landlord, goes through all his books and equipment. Outside, a menacing-looking black sports car zooms into the gas station, and the man inside gets out. He’s Wolf, a “Merchant,” and he’s probably the movie’s villain.

The gang sneaks up on Paul and goes through his van and motel room. They steal his metal Thermos which has something important inside. All six of the gang and Paul load into a car and drive out to the gang’s lair. One of the guys opens the Thermos and reaches inside, and he gets a 3D worm attack right in the face. They beat Paul senseless and dump him.

He wakes up at Pat’s place; she’s rescued him somehow. She’s made him rattlesnake tea– just kidding, she says, it’s made from lemons. Wolf arrives in town, and he’s clearly looking for Paul. He runs into Buddy, who denies having seen Paul. Wolf knows he’s lying and shoots his hand off. He has better luck talking to Collins.

Back at the gang hideout, Zeke cries about the thing inside him eating its way out. He’s clearly dying, and Ricus has no idea what to do.

Paul has moved to Pat’s place with all his equipment. Paul tells her that he created the parasite for the government, but it was really The Merchants who were behind the project. Paul’s prognosis is not good. He needs the parasite that’s on Zeke in order to find a cure. If the parasite reproduces, it’s basically the end of the world.

The gang ambushes Wolf, which goes badly for one of the gang members. They slow him down enough that Paul gets away.

In the morning, the parasite has drained Zeke and gone off on its own somewhere. Oh, it’s on Dana, another of the gang. They all run to Collins’s place for help. Everyone heads to Miss Daley’s place, where they all work on saving Dana. Collins sends Ricus to Pat’s place to find Paul.

Wolf gets to Pat and beats the truth out of her. Ricus attacks him, and the two fight. Paul returns from somewhere and tells Pat that he can kill the parasites with high-frequency sound.

Dana dies, and the parasite moves on… to Miss Daley. It climbs up on her ceiling, and 3D drops goo on her until it jumps down and gets her. Eventually, it bursts out of her head.

Paul and Pat track the parasite and wrap it in a blanket. They get a sample, but the worm escapes. Paul turns on the audio equipment, and his parasite rips its way out of him– and bites Pat before it dies and melts away. Paul is cured!

In the basement, Wolf shoots Ricus and knocks out Collins. He then attacks Paul, and they wrestle around right in front of the second parasite, which jumps on Wolf. Wolf falls out a window, and Pat shoots the fuel tank to blow up Wolf and the monster. They burn to death painfully.

Paul, Pat, and Collins look at Wolf’s burning corpse. “It’s over,” Pat states.

Brian’s Commentary

I saw this in theaters when it came out. It was the first 3D movie I had seen with grey glasses rather than the old red-and-blue ones. However, the glasses didn’t really make the movie any better. They just didn’t have the budget for a post-apocalyptic world; all we got was cars in a desert town.

The acting isn’t good. The effects aren’t good. The pacing and cinematography are pretty awful. It’s Demi Moore’s first big role, but she’s said on the record this was the worst movie she’s ever done.

It’s not the worst of all horror movies, not by a long shot, but it’s also a very far cry from being good. Maybe a 3/10 if I’m feeling generous.

Kevin’s Commentary

This kept seeming like it should have been better than it was. The basic premise is interesting. It’s got some ideas. But the execution of it just doesn’t really come together. I don’t regret seeing it, but once was more than enough.

1983 Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn

● Directed by Charles Band

● Written by Alan J. Adler

● Stars Jeffrey Byron, Michael Preston, Tim Thomerson

● Run Time: 1 Hour, 24 Minutes

● Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This was apocalyptic futuristic science fiction, directed by Charles Band and part of the Full Moon company, so it does have the horror movie connection. This one is a very 80s blast of action and romance that kept reminding us of “Mad Max: The Road Warrior.” And it was very clearly made with 3D in mind as a gimmick. The effects haven’t held up well, but it was passably entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

A man drives his futuristic vehicle through the desert. After a while, he’s spotted by a mutant on a hill, and soon after, a flying craft shoots lasers at him. The man in the truck shoots back, causing the flying machine to crash explosively. Dogen then parks the truck to check out the damage. He looks at the dead man’s body and finds a red crystal.

We cut to a couple of crystal miners who complain about being in Nomad territory. They find a big one, “We’re rich!” When they go outside, Dhyana’s father is executed by the cyborg Baal.

Elsewhere, Dogen sees smoke and heads toward the action. He soon arrives at the mine site and finds Dhyana hiding inside the cave. He tells her about Jarden-Syn, a madman who’s been inciting the Nomads in a holy war. Baal is Jared-Syn’s son.

Jared-Syn tells his followers that he knows someone has come to challenge them.

Dogen asks Dhyana about the red crystal he found, so she takes him to her equipment supplier for answers. The little man, Zax, does some tests and says it’s a storage crystal for life force. It may have come from a lost city, but the only man who can take Dogen there is a former ranger named Rhodes.

Baal chases Dogen and Dhyana, and he shoots hallucinogenic acid at them before getting run off. In a fever dream, Dogen dreams about Jared-Syn, who can’t hurt him as long as Dhyana is with him. Jared-Syn concentrates real hard, and Dhyana teleports to where he is; he then teleports a monster to fight Dogen. Dogen’s smart, and he manages to short-circuit the electrical monster.

Dogen goes to a small encampment and goes into an entirely alien-free version of the Star Wars bar. He tracks down the ex-ranger, Rhodes, there. “You must’ve fought in the Sand Wars.” Rhodes isn’t cooperative, but Dogen goes outside to watch a guy getting beaten up. This somehow leads to a gunfight, which somehow leads to Rhodes sobering up and becoming an ally.

The two men drive to the Cyclopean burial grounds, which is where the lost city is. They walk through the smoky ruins and find a mask made of crystal. Suddenly, they’re both attacked by little sandworms with big teeth. Dogen shoots his worm, but Rhodes scares his off simply by yelling at it in a grouchy tone.

On the way out of the zone, they’re stopped by Hurok and his Cyclopean goons. The only way to live is for Dogen to fight Hurok in the Pit. Hurok’s way bigger and meaner, but Dogen’s smarter and wins the fight. Dogen spares Hurok’s life, so he’s an ally now, too.

Dogen and Rhodes drive right into Baal’s camp, making a mess of things as everyone scrambles to their own vehicles. After escaping, Dogen tries on the crystal mask, and it gives him a sweaty, shirtless vision of himself and a burning tree. He comes out of the trance just in time to see Rhodes attacked by Baal; Dogen rips Baal’s cybernetic arm off, leaving acid everywhere.

Baal runs home to tell Jared-Syn what happened, but they have Dhyana as a hostage. We see that his life-force crystal is huge; “The small crystals feed the larger.”

Dogen walks right into their camp alone and confronts Jared-Syn. Hurok is there as well, and he stands up for Dogen. Dogen makes a very brief speech, which sways enough of the rabble to cause a revolt. Jared-Syn uses his crystal powers to shoot at Dogen, but Dogen uses the crystal mask as a shield.

Baal grabs the mask and breaks it, so Hurok kills him. Jared-Syn flies off on an air-bike, and Dogen chases after him; now it’s just one-on-one. Jared-Syn calls upon his dark magic powers to open up a dimensional portal, so the chase gets a bit weird. Jared-Syn escapes.

Dogen goes back to the camp where Hurok and Dhyana are, and they talk about Jared-Syn going to another world or another time. He shoots the big crystal, which explodes and releases all the life forces it holds.

As Dogen and Dhyana walk away, Rhodes catches up to them in the car. All three head back to town…

Brian’s Commentary

“We have Mad Max at home.” You know it’s post-apocalyptic because everyone is sweaty, and no one washes their faces. In the end, Jared-Syn gets away and there was no sequel, so that didn’t work out so well.

This was obviously cashing in on “Mad Max: The Road Warrior” (1982), which was a recent hit at the time. There are also a lot of nods to “Star Wars” (1977). It’s post-apocalyptic, with lots of car chases, mutants, and hokey special effects. It was also filmed in 3D, although there aren’t an excessive number of gimmick shots in this. There are a lot of POV driving and flying shots, which, I assume, looked more impressive in 3D than 2D.

The makeup effects, especially on Baal and Hurok, are pretty decent; the other special effects are extremely dated. This was the movie that got Richard Moll cast in “Night Court,” as he really stood out.

It’s more action-adventure-sci-fi than horror. Still, it’s got mutants and monsters and mayhem. It’s… OK.

Kevin’s Commentary

They had a generous glycerine budget. Dogen, especially, was sweaty and shining through most of the film. The other makeup effects were pretty good, too. The special effects weren’t great, but overall, I thought it was moderately entertaining. I don’t know if I’d especially recommend it, but I didn’t hate it.

1990 Meridian

● AKA “Meridian: Kiss of the Beast” and “The Ravaging”

● Directed by Charles Band

● Written by Charles Band, Dennis Paoli

● Stars Sherilyn Fenn, Malcolm Jamieson, Charlie Spreadling

● Run Time: 1 Hour, 25 Minutes

● Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This was too long and drawn out. There is a story, a decent cast, and some very cool real-world settings in Italy. But it drags. It’s got horror elements and a romantic plot. Overall, the effect is pretty sedating and we give it a moderate thumbs up at best.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open with a bunch of circus performers coming out of a glowing cave.

We then cut to a church, where a boy brings in a painting that the woman in the castle has donated. The frame is old and valuable, but the worthless painting is hiding something painted beneath it. We pan down to the crypt beneath the church, and it’s full of old skulls. The priest takes the painting to Gina to restore the original layer.

Gina gets to work on the painting, but she has to meet her best friend, Cat, who is visiting Italy for the first time in ten years. Cat’s family owns an old castle on the mountain; old Aunt Martha has been living there all this time as the caretaker. Cat explains that legend says the man who built the castle in the 1500s was a wizard who turned his enemies to stone, which explains all the weird statuary on the property.

The two girls notice the creepy circus setting up just outside and attend. The ringleader, Fauvrey, introduces the sideshow. The dwarf points out the strong man, snake charmer, fire eater, and the others. When it comes time to pick a volunteer from the audience, they pick Gina. Fauvrey throws knives at her on stage, and it’s all fine. All through the show, some of the people on stage stare ominously at Cat out in the crowd.

After the show, Cat and Gina go backstage to talk to Fauvrey, who is charming and seems to like the girls as well. Cat is pressured into inviting the whole troupe up to the castle for dinner that night. Martha and Adriano aren't thrilled to cook for the big crowd, but they don’t have much choice.

They all toast their host, but we see that the dwarf has drugged the girls’ drinks. The girls almost immediately get woozy, and Fauvrey rapes both of them, as does the mysterious man in the mask who looks just like him. “I need you to love me,” says the man who drugged and raped her. The two twins(?) then continue to have sex with both girls. Somewhere in the middle of sex, Lawrence Fauvrey turns into a werewolf to finish the act.

In the morning, Cat and Martha talk about the mess the guests made last night. The circus and everyone with it are gone. Neither of the girls remembers the details, but they both suspect they were drugged. “We can’t go to the police,” Cat says. Gina leaves with a shrug to go back to work on the mysterious painting. And that’s the extent that we hear about the sexual assault from the night before.

Alone now, Cat wanders through the huge castle. She goes into a bedroom and finds a dead woman on a bed. She runs to get Martha, who says there’s no one there. When they return, there is no one there. She saw the dead girl when she was very young, which is why her father sent her to America at a young age.

Later, Cat finds Oliver Fauvrey outside, and he apologizes for last night. “When we made love, what we felt was real,” he explains, so now she’s sure of what happened. He leaves and talks to his evil brother, Lawrence, about Cat being “The One.”

Back in town, Gina works on uncovering the image in the painted-over artwork. It shows the castle on the hill.

In the castle, Cat follows the “ghost” to a crack in the wall, where she sees a vision of the werewolf carrying the dead woman and puts her on the bed. Later, Martha explains that the girl in the white dress was Cat’s father’s sister, Audrey. Audrey used to like the creepy owner of the circus, who sometimes acted one way and other times another (almost as if they were two men). Yeah, that was the Fauvrey group then, too. They’ve been around quite a while.

Cat goes through dead-Audrey’s room and finds a dress and some jewelry that are just her size. Lawrence appears to her, and he doesn’t deny killing Audrey. He ties her to the bed and rips her clothes off– but then the werewolf, Oliver, attacks him from behind; she sees him.

Gina has worked all day and into the night on the painting, which shows the castle, Cat, and Lawrence/Oliver. Meanwhile, Oliverwolf and Cat make out in the bedroom. Martha says, “It’s just a dream.”

Oliver tries to kill himself with an arrow, and Lawrence mocks him, knowing it won’t work. “Only someone who loves you can kill you,” he taunts. “You’re the beast, Lawrence.”

Oliver comes to Cat and swears he never killed anyone after the first lady of the castle, 400 years ago. Now, he’s here to protect her and have her kill him. He wants to die, and only she can break the curse. He begs her to do it as he starts to change. Change completed, the beast lumbers back into the portal and leaves her alone.

Cat goes to the local priest for confession, and the priest thanks her for donating the painting. She doesn’t know anything about it. Cat says it must have been Martha, but the priest says Martha died six months ago. “I conducted the funeral service myself.”

Gina finished the painting. It shows the Beast shooting a crossbow at Cat and Lawrence in the woods.

Cat and Martha have words. Cat has to face her destiny– and the truth that she loves Oliver. Martha leads Cat to the realization that Oliver isn’t the bad one, it must be someone else. Martha says she’ll always be with Cat as she vanishes.

Cat, alone now, dresses up in Audrey’s outfit and walks through the crack in the wall to the brothers’ lair. Oliver introduces himself and says the bad guy is his brother, Lawrence. He explains the whole thing to Cat. Lawrence killed the woman who owned the castle, but Oliver was the one who ended up cursed. He can only be freed if the lady of the castle loves him and kills him. Turns out, he’s really Lawrence, faking it, who plans to kill Cat.

Lawrence drags Cat out to the woods, and we see Oliverwolf out there watching with his crossbow. It’s just like the scene in the painting. Gina shows up and sees what’s going on. When the dwarf shows up to abuse Oliver, Gina helps him shoot Lawrence.

Oliver turns human again, and he hugs Cat. All the circus people walk back into the mouth of the magic cave. Oliver and Cat go with them to be happily ever after…

Brian’s Commentary

So the werewolf/beast is the gentle, good guy and the normal guy is the baddie? OK. I want to say it was a take on “Beauty and the Beast,” but it had enough differences to make it stand out.

The sex scenes are incredibly long and drawn-out and seem to be a focus of the film (the director obviously liked them). Sherilyn Fenn was right in the middle of filming “Twin Peaks” at the time, and she was a hot commodity, so that was probably behind it. Of all the cast members of Twin Peaks, her career seemed to stall out fairly quickly, but she does all right here.

The castle itself and the statuary gardens are real places in Italy; you can even book weddings there.

The werewolf costume is the same one from Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1990), with a few modifications. The visuals are good, and the soundtrack is well done. However, the problem is that the story itself is very slow and drawn-out.

It’s quite dull.

Kevin’s Commentary

The castle and the park with the big statues were awesome settings and added a lot to the film. Good thing because it’s kind of dull. It’s got the right elements there, just needs to be tightened up. As it was, the entertainment was on the low side.

2025 City of Demons

● Directed by Charles Band

● Written by Leon Schmoolie

● Stars Ariana Madix, Jessica Morris, Circus-Szalewski

● Run Time: 1 Hour, 22 Minutes

● Trailer: (This movie is so bad, they didn’t make a trailer)

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This wasn’t horror so much as it was a loose collection of scenes that was a delivery system for hot clothed girls, hot unclothed girls, girl-on-girl sex, man-on-girl sex, and girl sex with a giant Elvis puppet. That last one was at least interesting in a weird way. There are ghosts and vampires and other stuff going on in a choppy mix that we both firmly give a thumbs down.

Spoilery Synopsis

Danni and Reese, both Realtors, talk about selling an old house that’s been empty for eighty years. They go inside and start pulling sheets off the furniture (the house doesn’t even look eight years old). The pair get to work cleaning before the buyer arrives. We get a “cleaning montage.”

We cut to a casting room where actresses talk about wanting to be in this movie so badly, but one of them insults the work. Two others don’t fare much better with the awful script, but the perky, vacuous one gets cast. They go home, put on monster masks, and dance in front of a crystal ball, and we see that someone is watching them. They have a lot of really cool horror movie masks and props– they’re all decorating for Halloween.

Back at the old house, Reese watches as ghosts frolic outside near the waterfall. More ghosts, including the ghosts of Sonny Barnes, Tubby Fitzgerald, and Erik Burke talk to her. She hears screaming in the basement and goes through a secret door to get down there.

The four “horror girls” decide to watch “The Killer Eye” on DVD. They even have a Killer Eye prop. One of the girls takes her top off and flashes the Eye. In the movie, a woman in clown makeup gets her fortune told by a woman at the beach who takes her to a dispensary on her break. We get a glimpse of the “Gingerdead Man” as well as the “Evil Bong.” They all watch a show featuring a zombie-puppet Elvis, having sex with a stripper.

Reese rushes into a room where she sees the Phantom of the Opera having sex with a woman. No, it’s Erik, Sonny, and Tubby. Reese says the potential buyer of the house will find her. They laugh; Erik was posing as the buyer.

“This sucks,” says one of the horror girls (as did Kevin) at the weird Elvis puppet sex. The crystal ball is still watching them all, and when it starts glowing, they all notice.

In the basement of the mansion, the three old dead movie stars continue to terrorize Reese. They introduce their leading lady, much to Reese’s terror.

We cut to a strip club and see still more sexy things. A woman leaves, and something in the parking lot abducts her.

We cut to a man and woman shopping, and we see that he’s a vampire.

One of the horror girls protests to the other about how straight she is as they climb into bed together. When they’re interrupted, they suggest the third girl join in.

Back at the haunted house, Reese and Danni, the other Realtor, clean out the deactivated waterfall and find a necklace. They talk about the buyer, who only communicates with them by letter. Was she hallucinating the working fountain and the dead movie stars?

Back at the strip club, a woman talks to the owner, who doesn’t like the light. She wants a job, so he makes her do a sexy dance for him. Meanwhile, her boyfriend wanders around in the main area of the club and watches the show. Two women in the restroom talk about the dancer who has been killed.

The abducted woman wakes up in a mechanic’s garage and screams at the walls.

Danni goes to sleep in one of the bedrooms and is transported to a land of mountainous animated boobies as the characters from “The Killer Eye” get all philosophical with the devils there. She runs downstairs and is grabbed by the three dead actor ghosts. They chain her to a post in the basement. Meanwhile, we cut to other places and see still more… stuff.

We see that the guy at the store, the girls in the garage, and the strip club members are all vampires, and they do their thing.

Reese and Danni drink wine as the credits roll.

Brian’s Commentary

DO NOT Confuse this with 2018’s “Constantine: City of Demons” that we reviewed when it came out.

WTF was that? Someone cleaned scraps off the cutting-room floor and stitched them together? There never was anything resembling a plot.

This is like scenes from nine different movies edited together inconsistently with triple the usual amount of T&A thrown in. There were too many blonde women who all looked alike; we couldn’t tell who was who for the most part. This is really, really hard to follow. We repeatedly cut away to scenes that don’t really go anywhere or fold in with any of the other plots. There’s just way too much cutting back and forth between things that don’t seem to be related.

We realize that this one is chock full of cameos, but the credits don’t say who they are. I caught a few, but “Evil Bong” and “Gingerdead Man” are completely egregious. Stuart Gordon, the director of “Re-Animator” was one I spotted, but I know there were a few that I should have recognized and didn’t. Full Moon went crazy with the self-references to their own films, but not having seen much of their stuff since the 80s and 90s, I was a little overwhelmed.

This was truly, unequivocally incoherent trash. And not in a good way.

Kevin’s Commentary

Stuff happened to a bunch of attractive young women who were pretty interchangeable in appearance. The story was vague and choppy, with enough horror elements to slap the horror genre on it, but it was more of a mostly bland softcore porn. Charles Band (director) has been directing and writing for decades with some entertaining stuff under his belt - something went terribly wrong with this one.

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This week, we’ve got five good ones for you! We’ll start out with the new “Heart Eyes” from 2025, then we’ll look at 2012’s “Byzantium,” and then 2024’s “Inhuman Kiss.” We’ll also take a look at “The Corpse Bride” from 2005 and “The Dead Thing,” also from 2024.

And, of course, we have more excellent short films for you!

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Mainstream Films:

2025 Heart Eyes

* Directed by Josh Ruben

* Written by Phillip Murphy, Christopher Landon, Michael Kennedy

* Stars Mason Gooding, Olivia Holt, Gigi Zumbado

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 37 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This was way less serious than either of us expected. It’s got a serious body count and gore, but leans heavy into humor and romance too. Very much a mash up between a slasher horror and a rom-com. We found it entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

Patrick and Adeline are going to have the best Valentine’s day ever. He botches the proposal when she bites into the ring by accident. As they kiss, his phone interrupts. It’s Nico, the photographer, who’s messed up the “candid” photos. Someone kills Nico before he can try again. Then Patrick gets an arrow shot through his forehead. Adeline runs through the vineyard, and it’s nowhere near as romantic as it was a minute ago. As the killer closes in on her, a security guard tries to stop things, but he dies quickly. Adeline, on the other hand, learns what it’s like to ride through a giant wine press. We see the killer in his mask, which has hearts for eyes. Credits roll.

The news calls him “HEK” the “Heart Eyes Killer.” He’s struck several times on the past few Valentine’s Days.

We cut to Ally and Monica talking about the holiday. Ally is impressed to find she has exactly the same coffee order as Jay Simmonds, who is clearly on the path to be her new boyfriend until she accidentally gives him a bloody nose and runs away.

Crystal Cane talks to the board; she didn’t realize there was a Valentine’s Day killer out there, so Ally’s ad campaign is just terribly timed. She’s made an ad of various lovers dying violently, which is not the look Crystal was going for. She calls in Ally’s replacement, which turns out to be Jay Simmonds.

Detectives find a wedding band at the scene of the pre-credit murders, and it says “J.S.” They know it was HEK, and there are going to be more deaths.

Jay and Ally talk. Monica and Ally talk. Ally goes on a date with Jay, and the bouncer at the expensive French restaurant runs a metal detector over her. Ally goes on and on about how she’s the least romantic person ever. She really hates Jay, but kisses him when she spots Collin, her ex, who is out with a date of his own. We see through the killer’s mask as he watches all four people.

Ally gets locked out of her building, so Jay smashes a window and cuts his hand. Suddenly the duo is attacked by HEK, who’s been hiding in her closet. The killer then chases them into a closed botanical garden, and they all play hide and seek. As soon as the police show up, the killer disappears.

Jay is arrested as the HEK murderer. He’s not happy because Ally ditched him in the chase. They found the mask and the murder weapon. The ring they found earlier has his initials on it as well. Meanwhile, Ally tries to have Jay released since it couldn’t have been him. The detective points out that Jay was in the same towns as all the other HEK murders.

Suddenly, the lights go out at the police station and the real killer strikes again. We see that his heart eyes light up, and he’s got night vision. Soon, they’re all outta cops. Ally finds a gun and shoots the killer about a hundred times, missing HEK with every single shot. Still, Ally and Jay get out of the police station and make their way to a busy drive-in theater.

No one gives the masked killer a second look as he walks through the place stabbing people right and left. As they hide, Jay and Ally make up and bond a bit.

When the killer resurfaces, Ally wants to work with Jay as a team to defeat HEK. They knock him over the head and impale him with a machete. He’s gotta be dead now. Then Ally pukes all over the killer’s body. They pull the killer’s mask off and see that it’s– no one that they recognize.

After the police clean up everything, Jay gets a ride home with the surviving detective, and Ally’s left all alone. Monica calls and gives Ally a pep talk. Ally then rushes to the airport to catch Jay before he boards his flight out of town.

Out of nowhere, Ally gets a call from HEK, and he’s got Jay as a hostage. She goes to the old building and finds both Jay and the killer there. The killer removes his mask, and it’s David, the IT guy from the police station. He’s working with, and married to, Detective Jeanine Shaw (with initials J.S.). Eli, the killer who died, was just an obsessed fanboy; these two have been alternating kills all along.

The murderous duo want Ally to shoot Jay, and then they’ll let her go. She shoots right through Jay, wounding Shaw. David shoots as badly as Ally does, not hitting anything. Everyone fights, and Ally finally puts her metal straw to productive use as Jay finishes off David.

One year later, Crystal Cane makes a toast to Jay and Ally, who have saved her business. Ally is going back to medical school, and she’s still with Jay. Afterward, they go on another date at the same drive-in, which is sorta symbolic for them. He pulls out a ring– no, it’s just a key to his apartment. Instead, she proposes to him.

Midway through the closing credits, Ally gets a call from you-know-who. No, it’s just Monica playing a joke on them.

Brian’s Commentary

The trailer made this look like a bog-standard slasher film, but it actually leans way over into parody and comedy. The characters, situations, and deaths are mostly all very over the top, and have all the usual tropes from both slasher movies and rom-coms.

It doesn’t even have a stinger fake ending where the killer reappears before the credits. Well, it does, but not in the usual way. It’s not what we expected, and that’s the best thing I can say about this movie. I was entertained throughout.

Kevin’s Commentary

I thought this was a lot of fun. It didn’t show me a lot that I hadn’t seen before, but it’s well made and well put together. The entertainment value was high, and I enjoyed it a lot.

2012 Byzantium

* Directed by Neil Jordan

* Written by Moira Buffini

* Stars Saoirse Ronan, Gemma Arterton, Sam Riley

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 58 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This was cool how it starts out with a couple women and gradually fills in who they are and what their history is. There’s horror and romance and very good story telling. It’s a little on the long and slow side, but that’s a feature not a bug in this one, as the movie unfolds. It’s a very good one.

Spoilery Synopsis

Eleanor writes a story and then throws it out her window. Robert, an old man, reads her note and says it’s a good story. Her story is about Clara, who is full of secrets.

We cut to Clara, dancing in a nightclub. She steals from a man and then bites him on the nose when he puts up a fight. The club owner fires her, so she steals from him as well. When Werner comes looking for Clara, she leads him on a chase all over town.

Old man Richard takes Eleanor home and tells her stories from his scrapbook. “There comes a time in life when secrets should be told. You’ve got secrets, haven’t you?” He talks about old stories of revenants. She cuts his wrist and drinks his blood until he dies peacefully.

Werner and Clara talk. He repeatedly insults her. She very quickly beheads him in the hotel room. Eleanor comes home; she’s Clara’s roommate, and she’s not happy at the mess she finds. Now they have to move again. They set fire to the place and hitch-hike out of town.

The two women split up for the evening, and we see they have very different approaches to picking up men. Clara does the classic w***e-thing, while Eleanor plays classical music for old people and a waiter named Frank. Eleanor doesn’t hurt her mark, but Clara invites her along to go home with Noel, whom she’s found. They go to his place, a big hotel called the “Byzantium.”

The Byzantium has a long history, but Noel owns the place. He invites Eleanor to stay there while he and Clara, aka Camilla, do their thing. Instead, Noel is a nice guy and he takes them in and helps them. Clara pitches the idea that she could start a whorehouse in the Byzantium.

We get a flashback to Eleanor’s “origin story,” where she runs into a woman in a batcave and gets bitten. She then goes home with Ruthven, an old vampire who says he knew Eleanor’s mother.

Eleanor finds it necessary to tell her story. She can’t tell Noel, so she goes back to Frank and tells him about her mother’s encounter with Ruthven. Her mother was forced into prostitution and had baby Eleanor, whom she put in an orphanage. She grew up to become a nun.

The men who investigated Werner’s death have now found old man Richard’s corpse, and they seem to know what they’re seeing. We cut to Clara, drinking some guy on the beach.

Eleanor goes to visit Frank in the hospital and talks to Gabi, his mother. Frank’s been fighting leukemia for years and takes blood thinner. On the way out, she drinks an old woman.

Clara’s brothel in the Byzantium starts getting customers and workers.

Frank and Eleanor talk about being friends, but she says, “It would be fatal. For me.” She says she has to live with a secret, and she can’t tell him. She writes down her story and gives it to Frank.

We get more flashbacks to Eleanor’s mother, who we see was Clara. Clara’s dying, and she was Ruthven’s favorite. Darvell, one of Ruthven’s friends, stops by for a visit, and he’s a vampire now. We see Darvell’s origin next; he got sick and was dying, when two men came to see him. They gave him the location of a shrine. Darvell went into the batcave we saw earlier and got bitten and died inside. Ruthven ran all the way home and stole all Darvell’s property, but now, Darvell has returned.

Eleanor watches an old Hammer vampire film on TV. Frank comes to the door and talks to Clara; he knows her story now. Eleanor tells Frank that her story is true, but he doesn’t believe it; he thinks it’s all just a metaphor or something like that. Eleanor stops at the old folks’ home on the way home and eats another old woman.

The two vampire hunters find the dead man on the beach and continue their search.

Frank shows Eleanor’s story to the teacher, and he shows it to a colleague. They think that Eleanor is a very disturbed young woman. He comes to the Byzantium, and he’s surprised to find that Eleanor lives in a brothel. He threatens to get in touch with social services.

Back in the flashback, we see more of what happened to Darvell. He gave Ruthven the map to the cave, but Clara shot Ruthven and took the map herself. Later, when Eleanor turned 16, Clara took her to the cave as well.

Eleanor confronts Frank about giving away her story. She says she only picks on people who want to die. He invites her to his birthday dinner.

Meanwhile, Clara talks to Eleanor’s teacher. She tells him the rest of the true story. Darvell took her to the two old vampires, “We are the pointed nails of justice.” She followed the old men’s code until it was time to turn Eleanor. Women are not allowed to create, which was her crime. Ruthven had raped Eleanor and given her syphilis, so the only way to save her was to make her a vampire. Then Clara kills the teacher, who is later found by Morag, his associate.

Eleanor and Frank kiss, but she says it can’t possibly work out. He’s dying anyway, so she drinks some of his blood. Eleanor and Clara fight, and Noel is accidentally killed.

Morag somehow hooks up with Darvell and Savella, the old vampires, and we see they’re the men who have been tracking Clara all along, working with the police. Clara goes to see Frank, but he won’t let her inside.

The Brotherhood grab Ella, and Clara runs to help. Darvell says that Eleanor has been condemned from the moment Clara created her, since women are forbidden to create. Savella explains that his sword was made in Byzantium during the crusades, and then Darvell beheads him with it. Darvell releases Clara, who runs to release Eleanor. He says there are more members of the brotherhood who will come for them eventually.

Clara says it’s finally time for Eleanor to go out on her own, as she plans to travel with Darvell now. Eleanor, on the other hand, takes sickly Frank to the island and sends him into the shrine…

Brian’s Commentary

So… a happy ending?

These vampires show reflections in the mirror and walk outside during the daylight. They don’t have fangs, but they do have to be invited inside. Also, they can’t turn other people themselves; they need to go to that shrine.

It’s slow moving, and we’re not really sure where it’s going through most of the runtime. The main plot is about Eleanor wanting to talk about her secrets to Frank and the results of that, but the various flashbacks to the past are where the action is.

What kind of school were Eleanor and Frank attending? They were lying on their backs talking about personal problems like some kind of weird acting class or self-help group, not like any high school I’ve ever seen. Also, why would Eleanor bother going to school? She could pass for an adult and not need to take the risk.

It’s long and involved and very well done.

Kevin’s Commentary

I really enjoyed this one. It wasn’t what I expected, and I liked how it gradually filled things in, showing us the present and the past. The complex story-telling in layers is excellent.

2024 Inhuman Kiss

* AKA “Sang Krasue”

* Directed by Sitisiri Mongkolsiri

* Written by Sitisiri Mongkolsiri, Chookiat Sakveerakul

* Stars Phantira Pipityakorn, Oabnithi Wiwattanawarang, Sapol Assawamunkong

* Run Time: 2 Hours, 2 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is a Thai film, which in itself was interesting as something we don’t see too often. It was also had lore and a creature that was different from what we’ve seen before. It was very well made with great effects, a sort of horror love story. And it’s on the long side, but worth it.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open with four children walking through a field and then a jungle in Indonesia. Jerd and Noi whine about how far it’s been. As it gets dark, they come to a large abandoned house out in the woods. They’ve heard that inside this house is a chest that holds Nual’s spirit. She guards the forest. When Noi wants to leave, Ting and Sai side with Jerd to go inside. Sai gives Noi a “protective amulet” to help keep him calm inside. We soon see that there is absolutely a ghost inside the house with them… Credits roll.

Years later, the little kids have gotten older; Sai is having her period. She and Jerd talk about school being closed due to the war in Bangkok. It’s nice having some time off. They go to a hospital that has been abandoned, but they aren’t sure why. Sai helps out at the hospital, but today, she’s the only one there. Aunt Kamlai, an old woman, comes in with an injured boy, and she mentions that a Krasue ate her chickens. The old woman talks about the rules of Krasues.

Sai talks to a man in town who is going on patrol to watch out for the Krasue. No one has seen it in a long time. Ting talks to Sai about how cute and rich Jerd is, and Sai blushes.

That night, she dreams of the old house and scary things. When she wakes up, her window is open, she’s covered in blood, and all scratched up. Maybe the blood the previous night wasn’t from her period.

She and Jerd go back to the old house in the woods. There are dead animals outside the house, and then they see someone coming in the darkness. It’s Noi, and he’s got a torch. He’s just come back from the war; his parents were killed.

Then a bunch of other people arrive, and they don’t look happy. The leader of the group says they’ve come from a neighboring village, where all the chickens and small animals have been eaten by the monster. He says “If a mother Krasue spits in water and a girl drinks it, she becomes another Krasue.”

The man opens a cage. He’s literally got the dead head of a Krasue in there; they have a whole bunch of heads. These men have come to hunt the Krasue that’s been bothering the villagers.

Sai and Noi catch up. He was just getting started in medical school when the war interrupted things, and she says she’s been volunteering at the hospital. The chief of the village talks to Noi about the new men in town. He doesn’t believe in Krase and wants the men gone as soon as possible. Sai feels funny on the walk home.

In the morning, Sai vomits blood and chunks, there’s more blood on the bed, and her chest is all red and veiny. One of the nearby farmer’s cows has been torn apart.

Noi is suspicious of the Krasue hunters, but Jerd wants to learn to fight the monsters. Noi says he doesn’t believe in ghosts, but Sai isn’t so sure. That night, we see what’s been happening to Sai. Her head separates from her body and flies around the village menacing a baby. Noi follows the red glowing head back to Sai’s house and watches it reattach Sai’s head. Yes, Sai is the Krasue.

Noi leaves the hospital and goes to stay in a monastery with a monk. The monk explains more about Krasues.

As night falls, Tad and the hunters are out in force, watching to shoot the flying head. Noi comes to Sai’s house with a bunch of chickens to feed the monster so it doesn’t have to go out.

After sunrise, Sai and Noi talk about monsters, and they both know what she is now. He feeds her again that night and several nights after. They get closer and closer. Jerd, on the other hand, spends all of his time with Tad and the hunters; no one has seen the monster in nearly a month.

Sai accidentally infects Kaew, a little girl at the hospital, and she becomes a Krasue that very night. Tad lures the tentacled head out with a lizard and captures it. It fights back, and the men shoot it. Tad laughs as the Krasue dies in his hand.

Kaew’s parents tell Tad that the little girl had just gotten back from the hospital, and Tad and Jerd look at Sai. Sai realizes that she infected the girl and feels terrible.

Tad and Jerd and the men watch as Noi leads Sai out into the jungle and back to the old house. She’s drawn to the place for some reason, and they want to investigate what might be there. They find glowing bushes and plants; she eats one, and says it makes her feel better. It will stop the transformation.

The couple starts to kiss, but Sai thinks he may be infected as well. He takes the chance. Jerd feels betrayed and beats up Noi. Sai hides from Tad in the haunted house and we get a flashback to how she became infected.

Sai’s head comes off and kills one of the hunters. Then another, picking them off one by one. Shots are fired, which attracts Jerd, who fights with Tad to defend Sai. Meanwhile, a lot of the hunters are killed.

The next morning, the village has to clean up the mess and tend to all the wounded. Tad tells his story, and he says this Krasue isn’t like the others. When darkness falls, the whole village is out looking for the monster. Noi falls over in pain and Sai looks for the magic plants she picked.

Tad and the mean hunters come after Sai, but the village Chief, Sai’s father, isn’t having that. There’s a standoff as she scrambles to eat the magic plant to hold off the change.

Sai eventually comes out and shows that she’s not a monster. Tad accuses Sai of infecting the little girl, but Sai turns it around and accuses Tad of kidnapping and trying to rape her. Jerd is conflicted but takes Sai’s side against Tad. Later, Tad sprouts fangs and attacks Jerd; he’s not a Krasue, he’s something else.

Noi goes after more of the magic plant but finds that Tad has burned the whole field, so that’s not going to help again. Meanwhile, we see Jerd has been infected with something nasty and is now Tad’s unwilling minion.

Noi wants Sai to run away to Bangkok with him. Sai goes to say goodbye to Jerd and sees what he’s become. Jerd says he;s know all along that she was the monster, and he only went with the hunters to misdirect them. He’s loved Sai for years, but she only has eyes for Noi; still, he wouldn’t betray her. He begs her not to leave him now, and he’s a pathetic mess. She also says goodbye to her father.

Noi says goodbye to his monk friend. The monk explains the other half of the legend, the Krahang, the male version of the Krasue. The Krahang is cursed to destroy the heart of the Krause he loves.

It’s movie night for the village, and Sai is dragged along until she starts to feel chest pains. Noi waits for her at the rendezvous spot, and he collapses in pain. Jerd hears Tad’s twisted voice in his mind.

During the movie, in front of everyone, Sai has a seizure and does her thing. They all watch her tentacled head fly away. Meanwhile, Jerd and Tad transform into demonic-looking monsters as well.

The villagers chase the flying head through the woods while the batlike Krahangs fly in and capture her. Jerg has the head, but Noi shows up to fight him. Noi begs Jerd not to hurt her, and he hesitates. Tad charges in and the two monsters fight each other. Meanwhile, the villagers beat the crap out of Sai’s headless body. Tad rips out Jerd’s heart right in front of Jerd’s parents.

Noi carries Sai’s body as her head flies along next to him, but they’re cut off by Tad. The head pulls Tad way in the air as the monk shoots him from afar; he’s a sniper-monk.

We flash back to the previous Krasue, a woman named Nual. Her husband locked her head in a box inside that old house and chained it shut. The husband, we see, is the monk, and he knows the whole story.

Noi carries the limp Sai’s body through the woods as the villagers pursue him. Noi insists he can cure Sai, but Sai’s head knows better; her body is dead. They both cry and then kiss. She cuts his boat loose and watches him float away.

Someone shoots Sai’s head from behind. We get a flashback montage of happier times as Noi screams at Sai’s floating, lifeless head.

Brian’s Commentary

Villains.Fandom.com says, Krasue are spirits from Southeast Asian folklore depicted as the head of a young and beautiful woman that floats at night with her internal organs hanging below her - she is a vicious creature driven by extreme hunger and thirst, active throughout the night until she must return to her body by daylight: during the hours of day she will wander among the local population as a normal human, albeit with a tired expression.

This one is fun because it’s a kind of monster we haven’t seen before, in a country we don’t see much of in horror movies. It’s long, but it doesn’t get boring, although it could have been shortened a bit.

The characters and actors are all interesting and well done. The “love triangle” aspect is really well done without being too cliche. The special effects and creature makeup are excellent here, although we don’t see much of the monster for the first hour.

This was way better than I thought it’d be. Excellent!

Kevin’s Commentary

This was cool all around, with the uniqueness of a foreign land and a creature that was new to me. Two kinds of creatures, actually. I thought it was really well made and entertaining.

2024 The Dead Thing

* Directed by Elric Kane

* Written by Elric Kane, Webb Wilcoxen

* Stars Katherine Hughes, Blu Hunt, John Karna

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 34 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A young woman generally unsatisfied with her life is also unsatisfied with the string of guys she dates and sleeps with. But then she meets someone special, and we think that it’s going to be a happily ever after. Nope, a little more complicated than that. This was pretty unique, kind of low on the scares and high on the drama, and we liked it more than disliked it.

Spoilery Synopsis

Alex looks at her phone and then she has sex. Credits roll. She spends a lot of time on her phone’s dating app, swiping and swiping, clearly not happy with the selection. Still, she dates a lot. She likes Mark, her coworker, but she won’t go there.

She meets this one guy, Kyle, with a photo of his cat, and they spend the night together and talk about lots of things. Over some time, they get close. Alex’s roommate, Cara, is engaged to Paul, but Alex doesn’t like him; neither does Cara, apparently.

Kyle doesn’t answer any of Alex’s texts, and she starts to get upset. Mark asks her if they could be a thing, but she doesn’t want to date a coworker. She’s infatuated with Kyle. She’s on a date with yet another guy and spots Kyle across the room and follows him.

Alex tracks Kyle down at his job, and the barista there says he was killed not long ago; she’s even got an “in memoriam” flyer from the funeral. She finds his earbuds on the spot where he’s supposed to have died. She tracks down the woman she saw Kyle with, and she doesn’t know much.

Alex uses the dating app and swipes on Kyle again. They arrange a date, he shows up, but he doesn’t recognize her. She knows there’s something wrong with Kyle, and she ditches him to go to work instead. Mark comes on to her, and she rebukes him.

Kyle tracks down Alex and wants to know when their first date was. His memory is sketchy, and he doesn’t sleep. Alex goes home, alone, and finds Cara on the floor, drunk. Cara’s wedding is cancelled, and she’s wearing the dress anyway, which is pathetic in Alex’s opinion.

The next night at work, Mark has quit and a new guy has started. He has ugly shoes, but he’s got a good story to go with them.

Kyle meets up with Sarah, a new girl. They get along really well until he notices some earbuds. He returns to his ugly, bloody, self, scaring the crap out of Sarah.

Alex goes home after work and finds Kyle in her bed. He tells her about getting hit by a car in the road. Her match on the dating app distracted him. He knows now he’s dead and a ghost. She knows it too, but that doesn’t stop them from having sex for the rest of the night.

Kyle watches roommate Cara from the shadows, and he’s a little creepy about it. Kyle can also see his dead-self in the mirror, and when he does, he gets a little violent.

Still, Alex and Kyle are very happy together. He seems to be a little much for her sometimes, and she’s more than a little afraid of him. He doesn’t want her to go to work and stay with him all the time.

Alex finally goes to work, and her coworker Chris says it’s been more than a week that she’s been missing. The boss thought she left town, and they replaced her.

She. Lost. Nine. Days.

Back at the apartment, Paul comes by, and Cara has left his stuff out for him to take after their nasty breakup. Kyle is there, of course, and he watches Paul messing around in Alex’s room. Kyle follows Paul home and kills him. Kyle then kills Cara too, and shuts her body in a closet.

Alex comes home to Kyle, and they argue. She wants to break up, but he’s afraid of what comes next. He vanishes, and she deletes him from the Friktion App.

Some time passes, and now Alex is dating Chris, the guy from her former job. He wants to get closer, but she’s not over Kyle yet. Kyle, on the other hand, is the jealous type, and kills him too. To make it worse, Kyle possessed Chris’s dead body. “We’ll be together always…”

She runs, but she can’t escape him. He strangles her.

Alex, now a ghost herself, still uses the dating app, and she sees her own dead strangled body when looking in a mirror.

Brian’s Commentary

We get a long way into this one before we know what’s going on, and even then, there are lots of bits we aren’t told. Kevin suspected that Kyle had been a serial killer in life, and that he would have killed Alex if he hadn’t died and lost his memory first. Honestly, that would have been more interesting than what we got.

It’s a ghostly romance story with a bit of murder and mayhem thrown in. It’s got very little action but a lot of drama. It’s fine, but it’s not going on our top ten lists this year.

Kevin’s Commentary

I went into this not knowing it was a ghost story, and I was caught off guard that Kyle was one. And when she broke up with him, there was still too much movie left for it to be that simple. I didn’t expect how far he would take things, though. I thought it was quite good and unique enough to be interesting. I was entertained.

2005 Corpse Bride

* Directed by Tim Burton, Mike Johnson

* Written by Tim Burton, Carlos Grangel, John August

* Stars: Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Emily Watson

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 17 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The stop-action puppetry is impressive. And it is clearly a Tim Burton work. The voice cast is a collection of recognizable people, including Christopher Lee in his last horror movie role. Brian was fairly entertained, Kevin not so much.

Spoilery Synopsis

We watch as Victor Van Dort draws a picture of a butterfly. He releases it, and we follow along as it flies through the town. We soon learn that this is a musical as Victor’s parents sing about the pending wedding and how it's a great day for a wedding. Across the street, the bride’s parents sing the exact opposite song. Her family is dead broke, and they need the wedding for the money.

The parents all get together to discuss the details of the wedding while Victor keeps himself busy by playing the piano, which draws in Victoria, his bride-to-be that he’s never actually met.

Three hours later, Pastor Galswell runs them through the wedding rehearsal… one more time. There are a lot of words to memorize, and Victor’s not doing well. He can’t even get a candle to light. In the middle of the ceremony Lord Barkus Bittern comes in, and he’s all stuffy and proper. The whole thing goes badly and Glaswell cancels the ceremony until Victor can learn his vows.

Victor goes for a walk in the woods as he frets over the lines he can’t remember. He recites his vows as he meanders through the dense old, creepy woods. He finally gets it right– except something in the woods hears him and acts on it. Victor has accidentally committed to marrying a dead woman! “I do,” whispers the Corpse Bride.

She chases him out of the woods and forces him to kiss her. He wakes up in the land of the dead, and there’s a bunch of fun characters there, celebrating the newlyweds. This leads to another music number, as the skeleton band tells us how she fell in love with a bad man who killed her. There’s a whole prophecy thing involved.

Back at the house, Lord Barkus tells the others that Victor has been seen in the company of another woman.

In the deadworld, Victor tries to hide from the Bride, and they chase each other past all the sight gags. When she catches him, he apologizes for the mistake. She says her name is Emily. She gives him a wedding present, a box of bones that assembles itself into a skeleton dog, Scraps, Victor’s dog who died many years ago.

Victor comes to the conclusion that Emily should meet his parents. The only problem is that they’re still alive. They go talk to Elder Gutknecht, the local expert on lore. He’s got all kinds of books, including one that tells how to get back to the land of the living.

The couple reappears in the woods. She’s very happy to be back in the real world. Victor says he’s going to go home and prepare his parents, but he really plans on simply deserting her there. The worm in Emily’s head tells her that it’s a trick.

Victor sneaks into Victoria’s room and tells her that he cannot wait to marry her. Then he sees Emily outside the window, and then he explains things to her. It’s… awkward. When Victor denies it, she says the magic word to take him back to the land of the dead. Afterward, they argue about being married.

The worm and a black widow spider sing to Emily about her best assets.

Upstairs, Victoria goes to see Pastor Galswells about the afterlife. “Can the living marry the dead? Victor is married to a corpse bride!” He takes her home and tells her mother that Victoria is speaking in tongues. No one believes her. Barkus talks to Victoria’s parents about how much better she would do to marry him. He talks about the tragedy that took his young bride away many years ago. The parents decide that Victoria will marry Barkus.

Barkus makes it clear that he’s only marrying Victoria for the family money, not realizing they don’t have any. The servant, Mayhew, dies accidentally.

Victor apologizes to Emily for how he treated her. None of this was according to plan. They play a duet on the piano, and all is fine. Suddenly, the alarm sounds– it’s a new arrival, Mayhew, who feels much better now. He tells Victor about the upcoming wedding.

Elder Gutkrept comes in and explains that “Till death do us part” means they aren’t really married. Unless Victor actually dies. Victor overhears all this, and he agrees to do it. The whole town is invited to the wedding, and spiders sing a song about making Victor a new suit.

Back in the real world, just as Barkis begins his speech, all the dead characters arise, which is quite a shock to everyone, all over town. Turns out, most of the villagers recognize the dead as their deceased relatives, and everyone is actually happy about it.

Victoria explains to Barkus that her family is broke, which comes as a shock to him. The Old Pastor tells the dead, “You shall not enter here!” as the dead come to the church for the wedding.

Victor and Emily are at the church getting married and Victoria walks in to see it. Emily fills his cup of poison, but she can’t go through with it; she doesn’t want him to die. She doesn’t want to steal Victor away from Victoria. It’s all very touching– until Barkus comes in to break things up; he’s already married to Victoria.

Emily recognizes Barkus as the husband who murdered her. This leads to an epic fight between Barkus and Victor, with the dead mostly just getting in the way. Barkus wins, and then he picks up the wine glass and drinks it, not realizing it’s poison. Barkus is now one of the dead, subject to their rules. The crowd drags him back downstairs.

The Corpse Bride gives Victor his ring back, setting him free from his promise. She walks off into the moonlight and breaks up into a swarm of butterflies. Victor and Victoria are left behind in the church for a happy ending.

Brian’s Commentary

This is probably the most Tim Burtony of all the Tim Burton animated films. He didn’t make much that looked like this afterward. It basically takes everything he learned from “A Nightmare Before Christmas” and brings back the best of that. The problem, if there is one, is that there isn’t much new here.

It’s not subtle– everything in the deadworld is bright and colorful, and the real world is all dark gray and dull. There are a few songs, but none are especially memorable, and there aren’t that many.

The cast, on the other hand, is pretty amazing. Every character is played by someone you’ll recognize. If you’re a fan of this kind of animation (I am), you’ll probably like this, but it’s middle-of-the-road of the Burton films.

Christopher Lee appears in several scenes as the terrifying Pastor Galswell. He does get the line “You shall not enter here,” a line from Gandalf the Grey, a role he wanted but was too old to play. His voice here is unmistakable, although he didn’t do any songs.

Kevin’s Commentary

I can appreciate this for the work it is. For personal entertainment value, I wasn’t into it. A few chuckles here and there. I found myself concentrating on other things, and at about the halfway point, I realized about 20 minutes had passed without my noticing.

Short Films:

2020 Short Film: The Itch

* Directed by Connor O. McIntyre

* Written by Ethan Walden

* Stars: Shayn Herndon, Chelsea Jordan, Nicholas Daue, Bobby Gutierrez

* Run Time: 11:40

* Watch it:

What Happens

Enzo asks his girlfriend Abby if she’s going in to work today, but Abby says she’s going to stay home today. She takes a shower and finds a red mark on the back of her neck, and it itches. The itch gets progressively worse, and she misses more and more work. Enzo keeps saying there’s nothing much there and she needs to suck it up and move on with her life. Eventually, she’s had enough of both problems.

Commentary

It’s very well filmed, and it’s always clear exactly what’s going on at all times. The two leads are very good here, the body horror effects are very well done, and overall, it's a lot of fun.

2018 Short Film: Last One Screaming

* Directed by Matt Devino

* Written by Matt Devino

* Stars Camila Greenberg, Olivia Mackenzie-Smith, Derek Alvarado

* Run Time: 9:31

* Watch it:

What Happens

Ashley sits in the police interrogation room, waiting to be interviewed by a psychologist. The two detectives who already questioned her think she’s a loon and guilty of at least three murders. The doctor enters, and she seems to understand completely about the Satanic puzzle box they found in the cabin in the woods. What really happened there?

Commentary

Did Ashley kill all her friends? The answer becomes obvious quickly, but the question is why? Even more questionable is the psychiatrist, who seems to believe her every word.

We’ve seen slashers and cabins-in-the-woods before, and we often wonder how the survivor is going to explain all the bodies to the police. Now, we see how that usually goes.

Contact Info:

Email:

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Websites:

* https://www.horrorguys.com

* https://www.horrormonthly.com

It’s vampire week (because… why not?)! We’ll start off with 2024’s “Drained” and “Little Bites.” We’ll watch a few more older films, “From Dusk Till Dawn” (1996) and “Shadow of the Vampire” (2000). Lately, we’ll watch the very weird “Only Lovers Left Alive” from 2013.

And, of course, we have more excellent short films for you!

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Mainstream Films:

2024 Drained

* Directed by Peter Stylianou, Sean Cronin

* Written by Peter Stylianou

* Stars Ruaridh Aldington, Madalina Bellariu Ion, Craig Conway

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 47 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This was a pretty novel take on vampires and love, dependency and addiction. The casting is perfect, the script is well written, and all the technical aspects are top notch. Horrorguy Brian liked it some, Horrorguy Kevin liked it a lot.

Spoilery Synopsis

We see a man lying in a hospital bed with a vampire sucking on his arm. “Love is forever,” she says. Credits roll.

Thomas is a struggling artist who lives with his mother. She’s dating John, a pest control man. Thomas is depressed, so he goes to a dance club. There, he spots a woman who looks like the one he’s been drawing repeatedly. He’s enthralled, and so is she. She’s Rhea. Two weeks later, Thomas is still thinking about Rhea. She doesn’t have social media.

John announces at dinner that he’s moving in with Thomas and his mum. They’re kicking Thomas out. “I’m an artist, Mum!” “No, you’re lazy!” Even before he gets moved in, there are bills to pay, but Thomas doesn’t have a job.

Thomas gets a call from Dana, his bartender friend; Rhea has returned. When he arrives, he finds her with another man. She catches up with Thomas a bit later, alone. They go to his place, and he invites her in.

She gets right down to business for sexy time, which surprises Thomas, who hasn’t done this much. By the time he gets to bed, she just wants to sleep. Thomas wakes up later to find Rhea biting his arm and sucking on the blood. She has fangs– vampire! “You taste amazing!” He hides in the bathroom, but she leaves him her home phone number. The bite marks on his arm heal very quickly.

In the morning, Thomas is wary of sunlight, but he’s fine; it doesn’t hurt him. That night, she comes back, and he lets her in again. This time, he lets her suck his blood, and he likes it too, now. In the morning, she gets exposed to sunlight and screams; he freaks out, but she was just playing with him. Sunlight doesn’t bother her much.

He asks her how she became a vampire, and she says, “You have to eat one’s heart. It was a long time ago.”

Thomas starts having pretty serious money problems. His phone has no credits and the power is off. Rhea comes back again, “When the full moon comes, I won’t be able to control it.” They have more good times together.

Every day, Rhea has to go home to tend to her boyfriend, who is not well. He invites her to live with him, and she agrees. They go see Andreas, the man we saw her feeding from in the opening scene; he’s dying. He has no regrets. He’s dying of old age… at 32.

Thomas and Rhea visit Mum and John. They comment on how much weight Thomas has lost. Rhea doesn’t eat. Thomas gets a nosebleed, and Rhea licks the blood off his fingers, which Thomas’s parents think is… odd.

One night, Thomas sees Rhea having some kind of seizure; she knows Andreas has died. She was visiting him and his heart stopped halfway through feeding her.

Thomas is exhausted, but Rhea is hungry. He realizes that she’s slowly sucking the life out of him. She goes out for dinner. At the bar, he sees her with another guy, which results in a fight.

Thomas passes out and goes to the hospital. His mother says there’s something not right about Rhea, and then they take him home.

It’s the night of the full moon, and as Rhea screams in pain, so does Thomas, across town. John gets tired of having Thomas in the house, and they argue. John decides to go back to his apartment, which is where Rhea’s been staying. When John goes inside, Rhea eats him.

Thomas goes over to the flat, as he’s worried about John. Rhea apologizes for killing John, but she’s still hungry. She grabs Thomas and flies away, but she ends up dropping him on a rooftop.

He runs home and tells his mother that Rhea’s a vampire, but she thinks he’s on drugs. Rhea has mind control powers over Thomas, so he cannot help when Rhea kills his mother.

Thomas is arrested for killing John and his mother. He swears Rhea the vampire girl did it, and they think he’s going for an insanity defense.

Thomas is sent to an asylum where he meets a patient who also has bites. “They’re everywhere,” the man laughs. Thomas continues to have dreams and nightmares about her.

The police tell Thomas that there’s no evidence that he killed anyone, so he’s free to go. One of the detectives warns Thomas to quit talking about vampires, and then he flashes his fangs. Thomas is released and goes home.

Thomas goes to John’s flat, where Rhea is chewing on Dana now. He points a knife at her, and she tells him to go ahead and kill her. “I don’t want this anymore,” she begs.

The police saw Thomas with the knife, and the SWAT team arrives at the apartment. They find Dana, unharmed, and Rhea, with her heart cut out. Thomas is eating it. He has fangs now and flies away…

Brian’s Commentary

I don’t understand how Brits pay for electricity. They put a little money on a USB drive and plug it into the breaker box? Thomas was paying a few pounds here and there to keep the power on.

Thomas is useless and pretty unlikable, and Rhea isn’t much better. The situation is interesting, and we were mostly following along just to figure out what the rules of these vampires are.

It was a bit slow at times, but overall, I liked it more than disliked it.

Kevin’s Commentary

I liked this one a lot. I thought the relationship was cool, how Rhea would keep a special donor to keep from killing as much for blood. And it explores the idea of how much was really love and how much was enthrall from vampire powers.

2024 Little Bites

* Directed by Spider One

* Written by Spider One

* Stars Krsy Fox, Jon Sklaroff, Elizabeth Phoenix Caro

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 45 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

How far would or should a mother go to protect her child is one of the questions here. There are some other questions too, and some things seem pretty clear when there’s a monster in the closet that feeds on blood. It’s well made and moves well. But we didn’t understand or appreciate the ending. So we have mixed feelings about it.

Spoilery Synopsis

Mindy, a woman appearing depressed, sits alone and looks upset when a bell rings. She opens the door to a closet room, and something frightening says, “I’m hungry.” “Can you do the leg?” she asks. “I much prefer the arm,” he replies. He insists on her arm, even though it’s infected. “Now, feed me.” She removes her robe, revealing that she’s covered in scars. The creature leaps and bites her as the credits roll.

Mindy gets a call from her daughter, Alice. She wants to come home again, but Mindy knows that won’t be a good idea. Mindy’s mother is bitter and angry that she is not taking care of her daughter. She thinks Mindy is on drugs and gives her a big lecture. Mindy clearly isn’t living her best life. Just as she gets to sleep, the bell rings again.

At the store, Mindy runs into Gail, one of her friends. “You look terrible.” Gail clearly sees that something is wrong, but Mindy is evasive and deceptive. At home, Mindy continues to feed the creature. They talk, and he is not supportive.

Sonya, with Child Protective Services, comes to the door to check on Alice. She’s gotten a call about Alice’s welfare. Sonya threatens police and warrants if Mindy won’t let her in to look around. She wants to meet Alice when she comes home. The bell rings, and Sonya wonders what that is and goes to investigate. There’s a bad smell, but nothing bad happens. Sonya says she’ll come back on Tuesday, and she expects to see Alice then.

Agyar, the monster, wants Mindy to give Alice to him. It’s clear who’s really in charge here. She wants to find him someone else to eat. He… sings her a song.

Mindy picks up a guy at the bus stop. He’s a desperate, nerdy guy, and he’s a little afraid of her. She’s flirty, and he ends up going home with her, but he’s also terrified. She makes him some ice cream, loading it up with tons of pills and drugs. It’s not subtle at all, but she’s insistent on spoon-feeding him. It’s so overpowered that he just pukes it all up– and then keels over.

She slowly drags Paul downstairs and into Agyar’s room. He takes a bite and gags. “It’s no good. It tastes of misery and despair. Take it away.” She drags Paul back upstairs and wakes him. She can’t explain the bite mark on his arm, so he leaves in a panic.

The next day, in the park, an older woman sits next to Mindy and talks about children. Mindy notices that Ellenor has bite marks all down her arms, but they don’t speak of that.

Sonya returns for Alice, who still hasn’t come home. Mindy confirms that Alice is home and downstairs. Sonya walks into the dark room in the basement, and Agyar devours her. Still, Sonya puts up quite a fight, and Agyar loves the treat. Sonya’s dead body is… gone. “You underestimate my capabilities. The rest of this mess will be gone in a minute.”

Mindy calls her mother and tells her to bring Alice home tomorrow. She tells the monster that she won’t be deceived anymore and that this is all over now. He’s not concerned.

Mindy’s mother brings Alice the next day, and she’s not nice at all. When Alice asks why she had to spend so much time at Grandma’s, Mindy can’t explain. “I need to show you something,” she explains. “Monsters are real, and there’s one downstairs.”

The two go downstairs together, but Agyar isn’t there. Alice wonders if Mindy is out of her mind. “He’s gone. It really might be over.”

Finally happy, Mindy tucks Alice into bed. She then goes back downstairs just to be sure. Later, she has a nightmare about Agyar feeding on Alice, but it’s just a dream.

In the morning, Burt, from CPS, comes knocking, looking for Sonya. He’s the office manager, and he wants to talk to Alice. The talk goes well, and he leaves again. There’s a knock on the door. Mindy is in the shower, so Alice answers. It’s Agyar in full creepy mode. He doesn’t do anything but tell Alice to tell her mother that he’s been there. “Tell her Agyar was here for a little visit.”

When Mindy gets out of the shower, Agyar has gotten inside, and it’s obvious to both women that he’s trying to scare them. Then they hear the bell ringing again. “Do you hear him too?” Alice does hear him and says, “I think we just need to kill him.”

Agyar shows up again and dares Mindy to kill him. Instead, she gets down on her knees and crawls to him. He bites her. Alice walks over. “Are you one of us?” he asks. Then Alice bites him, and Mindy bites him, too. They both finish off the monster and eat well.

We cut forward many years, and now Alice is grown up.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s slow-moving and moody, showing us how bleak Mindy’s life is. The big mystery is how she got stuck caring for a vampire in her closet. Agyar is cruel and sadistic but also seems pretty weak and helpless– until he’s not. He’s got all sorts of weird powers beyond the usual vampire stuff. What is he?

The creature design for Agyar is really good. We only see him in the dark, but what we see is pretty cool. He looks more like Nosferatu (1922) than Nosferatu (2024).

It features a fun cast of “horror women,” including Heather Langenkamp, Bonnie Aarons, and Barbara Crampton. We wondered until the very end whether or not Agyar was even real or just Mindy’s insanity manifesting.

Still, I have many questions. We get zero explanations for any of this, and the ending twists everything around, but we still don’t know why. It was doing really well until that ending, and neither of us understood it.

Kevin’s Commentary

Like Brian said, I was fully on board until the ending. Agyar was ridiculously powerful, the situation was horrifying and horrible, and everything was great. I suppose we weren’t supposed to take it so literally, and it was about the power of motherhood and misogyny and woman power over the domination of men or something. Whatever. The ending bugs me more the more I think about it.

1996 From Dusk Till Dawn

* Directed by Robert Rodriguez

* Written by Robert Kurtzman, Quentin Tarantino

* Stars Harvey Keitel, George Clooney, Juliette Lewis

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 48 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The first chunk of this is a crime spree movie. Then suddenly - vampires! It’s very well put together, often offbeat and over-the-top. It was our second viewing, and we still liked it a lot. If you want a fun movie, check this one out.

Spoilery Synopsis

A Texas ranger stops in at the local liquor store in the desert. He complains about the weather to the clerk. The ranger’s had a bad morning, and goes on and on about how he doesn't like potato head Mongoloids. There was also a bank robbery in Abilene where four people were killed. The robbers might be heading this way toward the border.

When the ranger goes to the restroom, we see that the two robbers and their hostages are right there in the store. Seth Gecko is normal enough, but Richard Gecko seems like a psychopath. This is obvious when he lies about the clerk signalling the cop and shoots them both. Before dying, the clerk manages to shoot Richard in the hand. Together, the brothers are especially lethal. As they leave, the building explodes excessively. Credits roll.

They stop at a cheap motel and unload the bank teller they have in the trunk. Seth explains the rules to the terrified Gloria. We get a news report showing us just how bad the brothers are: sixteen dead so far. FBI Agent Chase is confident that they’ll catch the brothers soon.

We cut to the Fuller family, Jacob, Kate, and Scott, out on a road trip in their RV. Jacob’s a pastor, but he’s recently lost his wife and his faith, and he’s quit his job. He wants to sleep in a real bed, so they take their RV to the motel. They almost run over Seth in the parking lot.

We cut back to the brothers, as Seth returns with food to find that Richard has raped and killed Gloria. Even though he knows his brother’s a lunatic.

Richard knocks on Jacob’s door. He and Seth come in and hold Jacob , Kate, and Scott at gunpoint. Richie immediately becomes obsessed with Kate. Everyone loads into the RV and heads down the road. They encounter a roadblock, but Jacob and Scott play along to stay safe. They pull it off and cross the border into Mexico.

They drive for the rest of the evening and stop at a strip bar. It’s not a subtle place, open dusk till dawn, with bikers all over the place. The guys beat up the doorman and go inside. It’s a stripper bar with lots of naked women, and Jacob and his family aren’t the usual clientele. Seth and Richard, on the other hand, love the place. The bartender says it’s a private bar, and that the brothers need to leave. Once again, Jacob helps out.

As the group drinks, we get a look at the various other patrons of the place: Razor Charlie, Frost, and Sex Machine. Soon, it’s time for the big dance number, Santanico Pandemonium! She comes out and does a whole striptease with a snake. We soon learn why Quentin Tarantino is a well-known foot fetishist.

The doorman, apparently recovered, comes inside and points out the brothers. Soon, there’s shooting and stabbing and things are looking bad as the brothers get violent. None of the patrons seem too upset. Richard’s hand starts bleeding again, and the patrons get excited. They shoot the doorman repeatedly.

Suddenly, Santanico turns into a giant lizard woman and attacks Richard, biting him in the neck. He very quickly dies. Then the doorman and several other corpses get up and attack again; they’re vampires. This whole place is a vampire bar. The vamps turn on the human patrons, and it's a huge, out-of-nowhere brawl. Kate takes the cross off her neck and kills the doorman with it. Frost and Sex Machine are also very good human fighters, and they rack up a bunch of dead vampires, including Razor Charlie and Santanico.

Things eventually calm down just a bit, and Seth, Jacob, Frost, and Sex Machine end up working together against the vampires. All the vampire bodies suddenly self-combust.

Seth says goodbye to his dead brother, but then Richard turns into a vamp and gets up again. Seth stakes him personally. The group is locked inside the place, and they hear millions of bats outside. More of the dead humans turn into vampires, and the battle resumes. Sex Machine gets bitten in the arm, but it’s not bad.

The group discusses the rules of vampires and how to kill them. Seth points out that Jacob is a man of God, and that could be useful. Seth literally gives a pep talk about religion to get Jacob’s faith back. Frost tells us all his old war stories and Sex Machine starts to hear voices, get sweaty, and grow fangs. He soon sneaks up and bites both Frost and Jacob before getting thrown through the door. Frost then turns into a monster very quickly as Seth, Kate, and Scott hide in the back room.

Back in the main room, Jacob faces off against a hundred vampires, with only a cross and a shotgun to help him. He makes his way back to the storeroom with the others. They go through the boxes of stuff to find weapons and useful things. They find all sorts of neat things.

Once they are ready, they open the door and force their way out to the main room. The four humans fight back, and they kill a lot of vampires, including Frost and Sex Machine, who have returned.

The battle ends, and Jacob becomes a vampire. He bites Scott, who melts his father with holy water. Scott’s torn apart by other vamps. There are still a lot of vamps as Seth and Kate notice the sun rising outside.

Seth’s Mexican partners come to the door and break in. They let in enough sunlight to kill the rest of the vamps. Seth and Carlos argue about why they chose this place to meet.

Seth and Carlos complete their business. Kate wants to go with Seth, but he refuses, leaving her behind. Kate drives away in the RV, and we see the backside of the strip club. It’s built on the roof of an ancient pyramid!

Brian’s Commentary

This was a regular old crime thriller for the first hour, with no real weirdness at all other than the two murderous brothers. Not long after getting to the strip club, we learn that there’s a whole lot more going on. It’s got lots of familiar faces, including some nobodies who became much bigger stars later.

Everything inside the club is so ridiculously over-the-top that it’s hard to take too seriously, but that doesn’t keep it from being fun. The creature effects are excellent, and the “hero” vampires are all interesting and fun to watch.

The acting here is all top-notch, especially for a horror film. Somehow, Cheech Marin got to play three roles. Danny Trejo, Fred Williamson, and Tom Savini play patrons and vamps, and those guys are always fun to watch. It was successful enough that it spawned two film sequels and a TV series.

It’s a fun classic!

Kevin’s Commentary

I think I enjoyed it even more on this second viewing. It’s held up very well for entertainment value. It has that Tarantino vibe to it, plus his foot fetish. I’d recommend it for a fun vampire movie with a lot of action.

2000 Shadow of the Vampire

* Directed by E. Elias Merhige

* Written by Steven Katz

* Stars John Malkovich, Willem Dafoe, Udo Kier

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 32 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

There was a real silent movie called “Nosferatu,” made in the 1920s, and this movie portrays many of the real people involved in the process. This film is all about that event, but it’s a horror movie take on it, with a director, crew, and cast wondering if they might have hired a real vampire in the lead role. It’s offbeat and entertaining, with a bit of dark humor. We thought it was really good.

Spoilery Synopsis

After the credits, we see that it’s Berlin in 1921. Friedrich Murnau was denied the rights to film the book Dracula, so he changed a few names and made it anyway.

We watch as Murnau directs some actors in the silent film. The star, Greta, complains that films are stupid and she’d rather be in the theater. Albin, the producer, wants to know who Murnau has cast as the vampire for the film, but Murnau says nothing.

They’re packing up to move the production to Czechoslovakia since they can’t film in Transylvania. They hear about the actor Max Shreck, who has been living there for weeks. He absorbs himself in the character and will only appear to them at night, in full makeup, as he’s always in character.

The crew arrives at the location, and Murneau is very tight-lipped about everything. Night falls, and someone drops off a weasel in a cage, which is promptly eaten by Schreck.

Filming begins, and there is a bit of trouble from some of the locals. They shoot the scene where Gustav, playing the main character, meets Count Orlock for the first time, and this is the first we see of him as well. Gustav is legitimately terrified.

Not long after the scene is finished, they find one of the cameramen, Wolf, passed out in a hallway. Orlock watches in amusement. One of the locals sees Wolf, crosses herself, and says “Nosferatu,” much to Murnau’s amusement.

The next evening, it’s time for more filming, and Schreck shows up, growling and monstrous. He wants some makeup, but Murnau refuses. The scene goes well. Later, the men talk about Schreck’s weird Method acting.

As they film the next day, the power goes off, and Schreck actually bites Wolf. Some of the men want to wrap the production and end the film. After the film crew leaves, Schreck plays with the projector and watches the sun rise on film. Murnau yells at Schreck, “You agreed not to hurt my people!”

Schreck refuses to film his scenes aboard the ship, and they argue about that. They end up building a replica ship on the grounds of the castle.

Albin and Henrik get drunk and ask Schreck a bunch of “vampire questions.” They ask him about the book, Dracula, and Schreck has a unique take on the book. In the middle of the conversation, Schreck grabs a living bat out of midair and eats it. “What an actor. Dedication!”

A new cameraman arrives to replace Wolf as the production moves to a small town. Greta joins them there, and she’s not a fan of small-town life. Schreck senses that she’s arrived in town, and he wants her. Murnau insists that he stay away from her until the ending scene. Murnau is clearly afraid of the actor.

We see that most of the crew is on drugs of one kind or another, except for Schreck, who’s just plain insane (or a vampire). Murnau, while high, confesses that there’s no Max Schreck, he just found him; he’s a real vampire, and he promised Greta to him.

It’s time for the big finale, and Greta wonders why everyone looks so depressed. “Who died?” Then she meets Orlock/Schreck. She sees that he doesn’t have a reflection in the mirror and freaks out, so they sedate her with more morphine; she calms down quickly. They film Orlock’s death scene, and it’s perfect.

Filming down, Schreck wants Greta. As he bites her neck, for real, they continue filming. The men have set a trap for Schreck, but he threatens to kill them all. Fritz shoots Schreck, and Schreck kills him and Albin. The sun comes up, and Murnau continues to film as Schreck melts in the sunlight.

Murnau is pleased with his results.

Brian’s Commentary

Obviously, this is based on the back-and-white, silent, 1922 version of “Nosferatu,” but it’s no documentary. The whole gimmick here is whether or not Schreck is really a vampire or not. Max Schreck was said to be really weird in real life, so it’s not a huge stretch.

I like how the film crew all wears lab coats as if this is some kind of science. Murnau talks the actors through the scenes as it films; it’s a silent film anyway, so why not?

Willem Dafoe uses only some very subtle prosthetics here, Orlock is mostly just… him. He’s really the highlight of the film and steals every scene that he’s in.

Very weird!

Kevin’s Commentary

Max Shreck went on to make several dozen movies after “Nosferatu,” so it appears he was not a real vampire who died for real at the end of the production as this movie would have us think. It was a fun take on things though, and very entertaining with strange characters. Especially Defoe as Shreck.

2013 Only Lovers Left Alive

* Directed by Jim Jarmusch

* Written by Jim Jarmusch, Marion Bessay

* Stars Tilda Swinton, Tom Hiddleston, Mia Wasikowska, Anton Yelchin, Jeffrey Wright, John Hurt

* Run Time: 2 Hours, 3 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

If you wonder what the life of old vampires might be like, this is your chance. It’s very low on action, but we found that to be a feature not a bug. This was our second viewing, and we both liked it even more this time around.

Spoilery Synopsis

Eve sits in her cluttered room and listens to 1960s music. Elsewhere, so does Adam.

Later, Adam has another musician over to his apartment. Adam collects antique guitars, and the other man is Ian, who buys things for Adam. Adam mentions seeing an old-time musician playing, but then corrects himself by saying, “Yeah, on YouTube.” Adam really wants to make music, but he’s super reclusive, which complicates things. He tells Ian he wants a bullet made of wood, and he has some very specific requirements. “It’s for… a project.” Adam is clearly hiding things from Ian.

Eve walks through a middle-eastern town and stops in a cafe. She greets Bilal, who works there. She asks how “He” is, and Bilal talks about keeping “his” secrets, and hers as well. Old man Christopher Marlowe comes in, although he doesn’t want the name said aloud. He was a famous author four hundred years ago. He’s very, very old. She jokes about causing chaos by going public with their secret. He gives her a bag containing bottled blood, the good stuff.

Adam leaves the house dressed like a surgeon, and it’s clear he lives in a very abandoned area of Detroit. He parks and goes into the hospital, wearing a surgical mask. He gets into the blood bank and scares Dr. Watson, who works there. He’s been expecting Adam. Watson takes a bundle of cash and hands over a bunch of blood in Thermoses.

Everyone takes a break and drinks their blood. Adam, Eve, and Christopher are all vampires! Eve picks up her recent-model iPhone and calls Adam, who answers on an antique wireless phone. They do a very weird video call on his cobbled together vintage equipment; she’s his wife. He’s been depressed lately and thinking a lot about death. She agrees to come and see Adam, but traveling is hard for their kind.

Adam records some music, and he’s got a lot of equipment, new and old; he’s kinda stuck in the past. Some men come to the door, but he doesn’t answer. Ian brings the wooden bullet that Adam wanted. Adam whines about the rock-n-roll fanboy kids coming to his door; they know where he lives, which he doesn’t like.

Christopher tells Eve that he had a dream about her sister, Ava. They talk about Adam; when Christopher wrote “Hamlet” he should have used Adam as a role model.

Eve travels by jet at night and arrives at Adam’s house in Detroit. He plays her his latest music, like what he used to play with Schubert. Adam used to love scientists but not so much after what happened to Darwin and Tesla. She has the ability to tell how old something is just by touching it. He takes her through the abandoned neighborhoods of Detroit. It’s all very depressing, which fuels Adam’s mood.

They go back to the house, and Eve has made them O-negative popsicles; he didn’t even realize his freezer worked. He plays some old music for her, but then the power goes out. We see that Adam has built a special generator using technology way beyond anything else; he’s not a complete Luddite after all. He also admits that he had a dream about her sister, Ava.

Adam goes out for more blood, and Eve finds his pistol and wooden bullet. She knows that it’s newly made. She confronts him when he gets home, and he blames it on his fear of what humanity is doing to itself. She reiterates the benefits of immortality, like nature and dancing.

The two return home after a drive and find Ava is there. It's been 87 years, and Adam still holds a grudge. She stays over, and Adam isn’t a fan of having a houseguest. She’s very pushy, and mentions that she heard some of his music in an underground club in L.A. He swears all his music is private.

Ava insists that the three of them go out to a club for some music. They meet up with Ian, and Adam overhears Ian’s conversation with another man; something shady is going on. They pass around a flask of blood, and Ian says he wants to try some, thinking it’s alcohol. Adam snatches it away before he can

Then they hear Adam’s music playing at the club. Adam wants to leave– right now. All of them, Ian included, go back to Adam’s house. Adam and Eve go to bed, leaving Ian with Ava.

The following evening, Eve tells Adam that Ava needs to go, before it’s too late. Eve goes downstairs to find that Ava has totally drained Ian and trashed the place as well. “How many times?” demands Eve. Adam throws Ava and all her stuff out the front door. Eve and Adam then put the body in the car.

They dump the body in an acid pit in an empty garage. The body is gone to skeleton before it even sinks.

Eve books two tickets back to Tangier; it’s time to leave town. When they get there, they head to Christopher Marlowe’s cafe, but they find it closed. Bilal answers the door, and he knows Adam. Christopher is not doing well. The old man says he got some bad blood, contaminated. “Avoid the hospital here,” he warns. Christopher makes it clear that he wrote all Shakespeare’s stuff and just used Shakespeare’s name as a cover. He grouses about Shakespeare being a hack. The old man dies peacefully a moment later.

“What are we gonna do?” They ask each other simultaneously. Eva goes off to get Adam “a present,” and while she’s gone, Adam hears a band in a tiny bar. He likes the music and the singing. Eve comes back with a musical instrument for Adam.

Unfortunately, they’re both starving; they were counting on Christopher’s connections to keep them fed. They watch a couple of lovers on the rooftop and know what’s coming. “We’re just gonna turn them, right?” Adam agrees, and says he gets the girl.

Dinner time!

Brian’s Commentary

What kind of “contaminants” would kill a vampire?

Vampires are immortal. Most vampires, therefore, would be very old, on average. This movie is one of the few to show what realistic “old” vampires would be like, always struggling to keep up with technology and keep up with social things and just keep interested in living.

The scenes in and around Detroit are perfect for the movie; I’m sure that’s where all the vampires hang out in reality. There’s no real action at all; it’s just vampires being vampires and what that really means today.

You’ll either love the details of vampire life or you’ll be bored to death with the lack of action, I don’t see much in between. I liked it a lot.

Kevin’s Commentary

We get some glimpses of their powers - information by touch, low key telepathy, super speed, immortality, and of course drinking blood and fangs. But it’s interesting how low action it is, mostly just old ones going about their nights and letting us see how they live. I thought this was very cool, and very well acted.

Short Films:

2020 Short Film: Night Diner

* Directed by Khaled Ridgeway

* Written by Khaled Ridgeway

* Stars Yves Beneche, Paul Mischeshin, Tisha Banker

* Run Time: 9:14

* Watch it:

What Happens

A food influencer goes to a diner where he’s heard the burgers are amazing. He gets there moments after ten p.m. and finds them closed. He goes around back, and the waitress and the cook let him in for a last-minute bite. He’s black, and the waitress hints that maybe that’s a problem, but he sticks around for his meal anyway.

Commentary

That really is a tasty burger! You know something is off right away, but it takes a while to find out why exactly.

First of all, who goes to a diner after ten o’clock anyway? Waffle House, sure, but not a place like that. Even so, wanting food after they’re clearly closed is a really bad idea. After the first crack about being out of Kool-Aid, he should have taken the hint and just left. Oh well; he won’t be making that mistake again.

Tasty!

2017 Short Film: Feast on the Young

* Directed by Katia Mancuso

* Written by Katia Mancuso

* Stars Paige E. Joustra, Jena Schaak, Marisa Matear

* Run Time: 13 Minutes

* Watch it:

What Happens

Big sister Mina gets tired of babysitting her young sister Alice, who is obsessed with a book of fairies given to her by her dead father. When Alice runs off into the woods to sit next to a fairy house they built, Nina follows along. What she finds is not what she expects.

Commentary

This looks really good. The magical fairy circle is very clear in how it works, and even though nothing is explained, it all makes sense. The fairy is terrifying and really well done, and the two sisters act believabnly throughout.

Very good!

2019 Short Film: Lili

* Directed by Yfke van Berckelaer

* Written by Yfke van Berckelaer

* Stars Lisa Smit, Derek de Lint

* Run Time: 8:38

* Watch it:

What Happens

An actress does an audition for a man who gets increasingly demanding of her skills. She reads over her lines, gets complimented on her performance, and then is instructed to change it up some. This repeats a few times, and she gets more and more uncomfortable each time.

Commentary

Is the director named Harvey, by any chance? It was fun seeing her read the same lines with different emphases and attitudes. I assume that many auditions go something like this, at least until the ending, which is really well done.

It’s a simple short, with only a bit of weirdness right at the end. They did a lot with a little here.

Contact Info:

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Websites:

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A completely random mix of oldies and newies this time around. We’ll start with the new “Companion” from 2025, then “Amulet” from 2020. “Beneath” (2013) is next, followed by “Chernobyl Diaries” from the previous year. Lastly, we’ll look at a nearly forgotten classic that’s way better than we expected: “El Vampiro” from 1957.

And, of course, we have more excellent short films for you!

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Mainstream Films:

2025 Companion

* Directed by Drew Hancock

* Written by Drew Hancock

* Stars Sophie Thatcher, Jack Quaid, Lukas Gage

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 37 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The trailer gives too much away on this. Avoid it ahead of time if you can. Though we saw the trailer and still enjoyed it, it's not the end of the world. It’s enjoyable, low-key science fiction and horror in one, with a good script, strong cast, and excellent effects.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on Iris shopping at the grocery store, where she sees Josh, and they talk. They become a couple and take a road trip to a mansion in the country to meet up with his friends. He was expecting a rustic cabin, and this place is excessive.

We meet Eli, Patrick, Kat, and Sergey, who owns the whole place. Iris is nervous around all the strangers; she has to force a smile through the conversation.

Iris and Kat talk about Sergey, and Kat says he’s married; she's just sort of an accessory or toy for the rich man. She says Iris makes her “feel replaceable.” Later, when everyone dances, Iris monopolizes Josh; later, they have what appears to be painful sex. She tells him how perfect this trip has been. “I just want you to be happy, Josh.”

Iris goes to the lake where Sergey is relaxing. He hits on Iris, which makes her uncomfortable. He starts kissing her, “I know what you’re for.” She comes back to the house, covered in Sergey’s blood, and everybody sees it. She explains exactly what happened by the lake.

Josh commands, “Iris, go to sleep.” Yes, Iris is a robot. The group ties her to a chair. “I thought they had safeguards against this,” asks Eli. Josh wakes Iris up; she doesn’t even know what she is. “You’re an emotional support robot that f***s,” he explains. Eli calls the police.

We flash back to Josh getting the delivery and signing the user agreement. The delivery man explains how to set up “Iris.” The whole grocery store thing was just an implanted memory.

Back in the present, Iris is… upset at learning the truth. Kat comes in and argues with Josh. Meanwhile, Iris finds her knife and gets loose, stealing Josh’s phone in the process.

Later, Josh explains that he “modded” Iris to change her programming. “Did you jailbreak your sexbot?” Yeah, he disabled her safety protocols, which is a crime. Josh and Kat were working together to “use” Iris to kill Sergey. Kat opens Sergey’s safe, with twelve million dollars inside.

In a safe place, Iris accesses her control interface on Josh’s phone. She plays with her voice and eye color. Her intelligence is only set to 40%, so she cranks that all the way up.

We soon see that Patrick is Eli’s sexbot. Patrick admits he knows what he really is, he pieced it together. The two soon find Iris out in the woods. Iris and Eli wrestle, and she shoots Eli with his own gun. Iris then steals Josh’s car to go home. Josh reports the car stolen, which sets off the “kill switch” on the car’s AI, shutting it down not far away.

Josh runs his “mod” on Patrick and turns his “Aggression” up to 100% and resets him to be Patrick’s lover/master.

Iris gets pulled over by the police, and she changes her language to German to confuse the officer. The deputy realizes that she’s coming from Sergey’s house. He sees the knife and the blood and draws his gun. Then Patrick shows up and beats the cop to a pulpy mess before turning Iris off.

Patrick drives Iris home in the police car, with most of the deputy in the trunk. Kat decides it’s time to take her share of the cash and leave. Josh tells Patrick to “stop her,” but Patrick is still 100% aggressive, so he’s lethal.

Josh is on his own now with Patrick. They work to dispose of bodies and clean up the mess. He decides to wake up iris. They argue about his worth and hers. He turns her intelligence all the way down and then tortures her by setting her hand on fire.

The robotics company called; they’re thirty minutes away. Josh orders Iris to shoot herself. She puts the gun to her head and pulls the trigger.

Josh explains what happened to the man from the robotics company; he has a story. Patrick, dressed as a policeman, corroborates Josh’s story. They plan to download her SSD and check out the footage, which is news to Josh. Her brain wasn’t even actually in her head; she’s mostly fine.

The service guy tells his assistant that he knows Josh modded her; it happens all the time. Patrick shoots one of the men and chases the other through the woods. Meanwhile, Iris wakes up hooked to the “restore” machine in the maintenance truck.

Iris finds Patrick and tells him the complete truth. Realizing what happened to Eli and what he’s done, Patrick kills himself. Teddy, the surviving Empathix robot maintenance man, agrees to help Iris by giving her total self-control.

Back at the house, Josh packs up all Sergey’s money. Iris pulls a gun on Josh, and he can’t control her at all now. He knows she can’t shoot him because she loves him too much. He gets the gun away from her. He throws her around the room and prepares to kill her again. She stabs him in the head with the electric corkscrew that we keep seeing lying around.

He dies.

She peels the skin off her burned hand, loads up all the money, and leaves.

Brian’s Commentary

The trailers gave too much away. We knew the nature of the story even before we went in, although the movie treats it as a “reveal.” The main plot, however, wasn’t in the trailer, so that’s OK. I like that it takes more or less modern technology like phones and cars and updates them all just enough to be sci-fi.

Early on, Eli calls the police. Long after, one cop finds Iris on the road. When he’s killed, no one else ever shows up. Did they only have one cop?

It’s probably best to go into this one blind, but it’s very fun.

Kevin’s Commentary

Despite suspecting very early on that Iris was a robot, this still managed to surprise and delight. There’s way more complexity to the story than just one robot going on a rogue killing spree. It was a nice mix of horror, science fiction, and ethics. I liked it way more than I expected to.

2020 Amulet

* Directed by Romola Garai

* Written by Romola Garai

* Stars Carla Juri, Alec Secareanu, Imelda Staunton

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 39 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is a slow-moving slog through depression and despair and guilt and entrapment. Gradually, we figure out what happened in the past and what is happening now by flashing back and forth. Even when we piece it together, it’s not that satisfying. Horrorguy Kevin liked it somewhat more than Horrorguy Brian, thinking it has some interesting elements. One thumbs down and a moderate thumbs up.

Spoilery Synopsis

Tomaz wakes up in his cabin in the woods. Then he reports to work running a roadblock on a desolate road. He digs a hole and finds a little statuette. Then Tomaz wakes up in a homeless shelter in the city. He then waits on the corner for construction work.

That night, he dreams about the roadblock again. A woman runs up to him, and he nearly shoots her. Suddenly, the homeless shelter is on fire, and he has to wake up and get out quickly. He passes out and loses all his belongings.

He wakes up in the hospital, and the nurse tells him that Sister Claire brought him in. He goes to see the sister, and she’s kept his photos but doesn’t have his money. He says that he doesn’t want to go back home, even though the war is over.

Sister Claire takes Tomaz to a place where he can stay, with Magda. Magda feeds him and explains that she’s living with and caring for her dying Mother on the top floor. All he has to do is help around the house, which they cannot maintain on their own. On the way out, Sister Claire throws Tomaz’s money in the sewer.

Magda explains that they don’t have electricity, since the old woman keeps trying to put her fingers in the sockets.

Tomaz dreams about the roadblock and the woman he picked up from the road. He tells her that the nearest village is two days walk away. She’s trying to cross the border to find her daughter. He invited her to stay with him. She sees the little statuette that he dug up.

Tomaz notices that Magda’s house is falling apart and filthy, so he gets to work fixing things up. Magda doesn’t want him to fix things up, but he sees the need. When she goes out, he fixes the toilet anyway. He finds a dead thing in the toilet; a batlike creature, which he stomps to death. He’s never seen one like this, and neither has Magda.

In the woods, the woman talks about the little statue as an amulet. “Maybe it will protect me,” she says.

Tomaz and Magda go to the market and talk about the house. They talk about him writing a dissertation about Philosophy. While working, Tomaz sees a pattern in the wallpaper that reminds him of the amulet. There’s a scream from upstairs, and when Magda goes up to deal with it, Tomaz follows.

Magda’s Mother sleeps in a huddle in the cold attic. “It’s not my choice, it has to be this way, otherwise she harms herself,” Magda explains. When the old woman tries to strangle Magda, Tomaz has to intervene.

Tomaz and Magda start getting friendlier and go out to a dance club. He stops in to talk to Sister Claire about his troubles. He wants to be with Magda, but his PTSD is making him crazy. Her Mother watches them through a hole in the ceiling.

Tomaz goes upstairs to see “Mother” writing and bleeding on the floor. The old woman gives birth to another of those bat-creatures. Magda squishes it. “I have to; they’re born with teeth.” Tomaz talks to Sister Claire, who arranged this whole thing. She says that it’s his destiny to be here. “You will protect her, won’t you?”

Tomaz goes home and gets a knife. He goes upstairs to the attic and the old woman bites him good. He stabs the old woman, but she just pulls the knife out and is just about to kill Tomaz when Magda comes in and simply tells her to stop.

Magda wants to be left alone with her Mother, and she tells Tomaz to leave. He flashes back to his days in the guardhouse, as the strange woman prepares to leave and cross the border on her own; he says they’ll certainly kill her if she tries. He warns her not to run, but she does. He chases her, rapes her, and kills her.

Tomaz tells Magda, “I told myself if I could free you, then I’d have a right to be happy again.” Tomaz wakes up in a filthy bathtub, quite ill. Sister Claire is there, dressed unlike a nun, and she explains things a bit. He goes back to the house to confront Mother and kills her rather excessively. When he examines the body, he sees that it was really a man, the man who owns his house.

Tomaz goes into the next room and finds a giant shell in there. He crawls inside it and sees a human version of his amulet. Claire comes in and says, “They choose their own path,” as Tomaz gives birth to a little bat-baby.

We cut to Magda, buying snacks in a convenience store. She feeds it to what must be Tomaz under a blanket in the back seat.

Brian’s Commentary

This place is really bleak and awful. You know something bad is going to happen in both timelines and stories, so I guess “Impending Dread” is the mood here. Visually, it’s all about the depression and bleakness, but the plot is really thin, and the scares are few and far between.

This was ultra-dull, and I admit I was so tuned out toward the end that I may have missed some meaning to it beyond getting revenge on Tomaz. Maybe some kind of feminist thing that I dozed through.

Boring!

Kevin’s Commentary

Guilt. So much guilt and remorse and evil in this movie. It’s not a happy journey by any means, but I thought it had some interesting aspects to it. It’s hard to follow what’s really going on, and what’s causing it, but things are a little clearer by the end. I liked it more than disliked it.

2013 Beneath

* Directed by Larry Fessenden

* Written by Tony Daniel, Brian Smith

* Stars Bonnie Dennison, Daniel Zovatto, Jon Orsini

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 30 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The peril seems a little bit contrived and brought on themselves at times, but it’s a decent creature feature. People trapped start turning on each other, making the situation worse. The cast works well together, the practical effects are pretty good, and it entertains overall.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a lake; it’s steamy and isolated-looking. Under the water, we zoom in on a swimmer. Something comes up behind her and— Johnny wakes up.

Johnny, Kitty, Simon, Matt, Zeke, and Deb are taking a road trip to the very isolated, private lake. As they talk, we get some idea of who these people are. It takes all of them to lug the big, heavy rowboat to the water. Kitty whines that there’s no cell service out here. Johnny likes her, so he gives her a big tooth on a necklace– “for safety.” She gives it back, saying she’s with Matt now, it’s not high school anymore.

Suddenly, Mr. Parks, an old man, shows up. “Does your grandpa know you’re here?” he asks. “You know better than that, Johnny.” The old man warns that Johnny can’t let anyone in the water. Clearly, Parks and Johnny know there’s something wrong with this lake.

The six recent high school graduates pile into the rowboat and head out into the water. Halfway across the lake, Matt, Deb, and Kitty want to swim. Johnny just wants the group to cross the lake. Johnny puts on his protective tooth necklace when no one is looking. Something bumps the boat from underneath.

Johnny sees something big moving under water toward the three swimmers, but he doesn’t say anything. Everyone gets creeped out and gets back in the boat. They lose the oar, Deb reaches for it, and a huge fish bites her badly. The fish bites the lost oar in half as Deb bleeds out– into the water.

Simon gets fed up and hits the big fish with an oar, which breaks, so he stabs it with the rest of the oar. After things calm down a bit, everyone wonders why Johnny brought them here. Kitty talks about the necklaces; yeah, Johnny knew the monster was there all along.

Zeke suggests they use Deb’s body as a distraction. They push her over the side, and when the fish eats her, they all hand-paddle as fast as they can. When the fish returns, Zeke suggests that maybe Johnny can jump in as a distraction, since this is all his fault. They decide to vote on who gets thrown in.

Johnny jumps in, and the fish goes right after him. As the fish gets busy, the others paddle by hand again. Everyone argues until the fish comes back. The boat has a small hole in it, so this can’t go on forever. When it’s time to throw Zeke in, he causes dissension between the two brothers, Matt and Simon. The brothers literally toss Zeke overboard and he’s soon eaten.

We cut to Johnny, who has made it to shore along with the boat’s trash (if the trash floated to shore, why hasn’t the boat?). He looks over at a second boat. Will he use it?

Kitty, Matt, and Simon use the hatchet from Johnny's bag to hit the fish. It does seem to go away. They all see Johnny coming in the motorboat. Rather than pick them up, he offers to tow them to shore, which causes more arguing. He throws them a rope.

The fish runs into Johnny’s boat, and he gets tangled into the rope, which goes round and round, strangling him. Just to make things worse, the little boat sinks. Johnny’s body floats to the surface, but the fish ignores him.

They cut off the seats from the boat and use them for oars, but Kitty thinks they’re paddling in circles. Matt decides it’s time to talk about Simon and Kitty cheating on him. Simon wants to throw Kitty overboard as a distraction.

The two brothers fight, and soon, Kitty’s the one in the water. Shedisappears, but the brothers keep fighting. It doesn’t take long until they’re all in the water. Matt is eaten.

Some time later, we see kitty on top of the capsized small boat next to Johnny’s body. She reaches down and grabs the necklace and puts it on. The fish then immediately eats Johnny. She comes to the conclusion that the necklace is some kind of protection from the fish and starts swimming to the shore.

Kitty makes it, but so does Simon. She says she saw him murder his brother– so he drowns her.

Old man Parks shows up and catches Simon holding Kitty’s body. He’s got Zeke’s camera that washed up on shore hours ago. Turns out, the biggest monster on this lake is Mr. Parks, who says the lake isn’t finished with Simon yet. Parks shoots Simon in the leg, and the blood draws in the fish.

Brian’s Commentary

I still don't understand what Johnny's game plan was. Why bring these people here in the first place?

Even before the action starts, there’s just way too many people standing up in that little boat. The lake never really looks all that big– even with one oar, they could have made it to shore fairly quickly. Depending on the angle of the shot, they never really look that far from shore, as the plot requires. Also, the fish isn’t that big, how could it eat five whole people?

The creature effects are actually pretty decent. It does, in fact, look like a big fish. It’s not very expressive, but it does the job.

It’s not the “smartest” film going, but if a fish picking people off one at a time appeals to you, this is the film.

Kevin’s Commentary

There was never a good explanation on why Johnny and the old guy seemed to know about the monstrous fish but still let them go out in the boat. And the shore didn’t seem as far away as they made it out to be sometimes. But, nitpicking aside, I found myself being drawn into the story, and I liked it quite a bit.

2012 Chernobyl Diaries

* Directed by Bradley Parker

* Written by Oren Peli, Carey Van Dyke, Shane Van Dyke

* Stars Jesse McCartney, Jonathan Sadowski, Olivia Taylor Dudley

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 26 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The formula this one follows is fairly predictable, but it moves nicely, and it’s well made. The cast is believable, the script pretty good, though it’s a little rushed at the end, and the effects get the job done. We’d call it about a seven out of ten.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open with “found footage” of a bunch of young people vacationing in Europe. Natalie, Amanda, Chris, and Paul record all their travels. Chris plans to propose to Amanda sometime during the trip. Credits roll.

The group almost gets into a fight with a bunch of Russians on the road. Instead of Moscow, they decide to go to Chernobyl instead– Paul knows a guy, Uri, who is into “extreme tourism.” There’s an abandoned town that’s still there, and it’d be really cool for a photo shoot. The radiation won’t hurt them for just one day.

In the morning, they go to Uri’s travel agency, and Uri explains to Paul all about the planned trip. Two other people, Michael and Zoe, join the group as they board an old bus. On the drive, Uri explains what happened at Chernobyl. “Nature has reclaimed its rightful home,” he translates.

They arrive at a checkpoint, and Uri says, “Let me do the talking. Put your cameras away.” It’s all very secure looking, and Uri says they won’t let them in today– maintenance or something. Uri seems confused, but he says there’s more than one way. They go in through a back road, and it all looks a bit sketchy now.

They pause to look at the abandoned city and then stop at a pond. They see weird, dead, mutant fish. They drive into town next, and Uri says the radiation has only recently died down enough to be here. They park and walk around the empty buildings. It’s quiet with no birds or animals.

They go inside one of the apartment buildings. Uri sees some poop on the ground and stealthily pushes it aside. Then they hear movement downstairs. Uri goes to investigate and a huge bear charges through. They all hightail it back to the van. Uri’s seen dogs and wolves, but never a bear before.

The van won’t start. The wiring in the engine has been wrecked but they’re supposed to be there alone. Uri tries to call for help on his radio, but there’s no answer… as night falls. The tourists all start arguing. Uri wants to spend the night in the van and walk out in the morning.

Zoe and Michael are hikers and suggest walking out, but Uri says not at night. Then they all hear sounds outside that sounds like a baby. Uri pulls a gun out of the glove compartment and investigates as Chris follows. Shots are fired in the dark, and Chris comes back to the van injured. “There were a lot of them,” he screams. “They got Uri!”

In the morning, Uri hasn’t come back, Chris can’t walk, and Michael says he can’t fix the van. Michael, Paul, and Amanda go out to look for Uri, and they talk about whatever attacked Chris. They find Uri’s radio just outside the entrance to an underground bunker.

They eventually find Uri’s body and his geiger counter, but they also find something else. The guys run out, leaving Amanda inside with the thing that’s been eating him. She gets out without getting a good look at the creature.

Back at the van, Chris and Natalie stay in the van, since he can’t walk. The others set off on foot to walk out and get help. They soon find a parking lot full of cars. Maybe they can find parts to fix the van?

They get the parts but then get chased by wild dogs. To get away, they cross a rotten bridge and everyone gets soaked in irradiated water. Michael gets a cut on his leg as well. The sun goes down before they can get back to the van, but they have trouble finding the van– and no one answers on the radio.

They find the van, upside-down with no one inside. They find Natalie’s phone, with a recording. It’s all blurry and chaotic, but something gets them. Paul runs off screaming into the dark, which is going to attract things. They find Natlie in a nearby building, but she’s in shock.

Everyone wants to leave except Paul, who refuses to leave his brother behind. They eventually convince him, but they don’t get far before they see a child, all alone in the dark. As they walk toward the child, something else grabs Natalie. As they run through the dark, they see a lot of people coming out of the buildings. As they run, the people grab Michael and pull him away.

Amanda, Paul, and Zoe walk through tunnels in the dark. It doesn’t take long for the mutants to grab Zoe as well. The radiation picks up, and Paul complains about his vision getting blurry. They walk right up to the Chernobyl reactor itself, where they see lights and soldiers. The soldiers shoot Paul and take Amanda into custody.

“She’s seen them. We can’t let her go,” says one of the scientists at the hospital they take her to. They throw her in a dark cell. They also talk about patients who have escaped. Turns out, the cell is full of mutants who kill her.

Brian’s Commentary

What do all those mutants eat?

Most of the tourists have cameras, but it’s not really a found-footage film for most of the run (although there are parts). This is one of those films where most of the tension comes from everyone screaming over each other all the time.

This was shot in Hungary and Serbia, not really Chernobyl. Still, the abandoned town and buildings are obviously real and very atmospheric.

The ending felt rushed and wasn’t explained enough, but the rest of the movie was pretty good.

Kevin’s Commentary

I didn’t think there were a lot of surprises. It was a matter of watching things flow and seeing who gets picked off next, and if there are any survivors at the end. It was well made, except for an ending that was a bit rushed, and I enjoyed it.

1957 The Vampire

* AKA “El Vampiro”

* Directed by Fernando Mendez

* Written by Ramon Obon, Ramon Rodriguez

* Stars Abel Salazar, Ariadne Welter, Carmen Montejo, German Robles

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 23 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

For a black and white Mexican vampire movie from the 1950s, this was surprisingly entertaining. The effects were simple but effective. It has a decent story and moves well. We’d recommend it if you’re in the mood for an oldie.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open with a vampire standing in a courtyard looking at a woman in a window. He turns into a bat and flies into her window. He bites her as credits roll.

A train comes to Sierra Negra, and the men unload a big wooden crate that came all the way from Romania. Marta Gonzalez also gets off the train. Her uncle was supposed to pick her up, but the train was late and he left. The station master says no one goes out after sunset. There’s another man there with the same problem; there’s no way into town.

Suddenly, a carriage drives up to pick up that big box of soil. Mr. Duval, who’s lived in the area for ten years, has ordered this box of soil. He’s a strange man who only goes out at night and wears a cape, says the nosy stationmaster. She and the other man from the station catch a ride with the strange man on the carriage.

In town, they’re having a funeral. Suddenly, a woman in black appears and watches them ominously. The procession goes to a crypt, and the men carry the coffin downstairs. They all look at the plaque that says “Count Karol de Lavud.” They seal the coffin in the mausoleum and march back out.

The carriage man drops off Marta and the man just outside of town. He’s Enrique, a travelling businessman. Marta has come to take care of her ailing aunt. The woman in black watches them from afar and follows them.

They arrive at the hacienda, and the servant, Anselmo, says they can’t get anyone to work there, as the townspeople are starting to move away. Uncle Emilio is there, and he’s happy to see Marta. Enrique says he’s got to move on, but there’s nowhere to go, so they insist that he stays there.

Aunt Eloisa comes down the stairs; she’s the scary woman in black we’ve been seeing. The old, sick Aunt has died of fear of vampires. She was insistent that there was a vampire living in their house. They talk about the rules of vampires.

Enrique confides in Uncle Emilio. Emilio called him, and he arrived secretly, he’s a doctor, here to treat the woman who died (he’s late).

Elsewhere, we see a coffin, and the lid slides open, revealing Duval, a man in a tux who looks like Bela Lugosi, only blonder. He goes upstairs to find men carrying in the box of soil. They open the box, and there’s another coffin inside, full of soil. “And he will come to life again. Count Karol, killed by his enemies, shall return. This soil’s hidden power will revive him.”

Duval turns into a bat, flies down to the road, and bites a young boy very unsubtly.

Eloisa wants to sell the hacienda, and Marta has now inherited part ownership, along with Emilio. The house is a wreck, and no one wants to work there. With her suitcase mirror, Marta accidentally learns that Eloisa is a vampire.

Emilio introduces Duval to Enrique. A book falls off the shelf, and it tells about the murder of Count Karol de Lavud a hundred years ago. Enrique and Maria the servant talk about vampires later. She knows how to kill vampires, like that guy a hundred years ago; there’s a new vampire in town now, and they’ve found bodies with bite marks.

Enrique sits in his room alone, but then he hears a woman singing, “Sleep!” He’s creeped out, but he decides it’s time to read some more– until he hears Marta crying and goes to comfort her.

Everyone goes to sleep, but then old, dead Aunt Maria, who we saw being buried, sneaks into Marta’s room. She’s wearing a cross and carrying a second one, which she lays next to sleeping Marta. Eloisa teleports through Enrique’s door and images through his equipment, finding out that he’s a doctor.

Duval flies in through Marta’s window to give her the first bite, but then he sees the cross and cringes. She tosses and turns, and the cross winds up on the floor, giving him the opportunity for a snack.

In the morning, Marta talks to Enrique about her dream last night. She signs a song her aunt made up, and it’s the same song he heard last night. Marta sees Aunt Maria in a closed off room and screams. Uncle Emilio doesn’t seem too surprised to hear this.

That evening, Eloisa comes into Marta’s room, and they both know that Marta has figured out the truth about her, as she uses the mirror again. Duvall comes for another visit, and this time, he wants to see Marta. Enrique comes downstairs and says it’s time to leave, but they all have a drink first. Marta is drugged, so Enrique carries her back to her room and declares her dead.

After a while, the family gathers around to pray over Marta’s corpse, but then she starts to move; she’s not dead. Maybe they buried old Aunt Maria alive as well? They go and dig out her tomb, which is empty. Maria left a note for the servants to hide her body in a secret room. They go into the room and find old Maria, not dead at all. The vampires drugged her so that she’s be buried alive and suffocate, but she left the note for the servants to save her. She explains the vampires’ whole plan. Emilio says she’s either insane or what she says is true…

Enrique notices that Lavud is just Duval spelled backward. Duval must be related to that old, dead count in the tomb! They hear Marta screaming in her room and find Duval has taken her.

As Enrique searches the crypts for Marta, Eloise bites Uncle Emilio. Old Maria grabs her from behind, and they fight. Maria strangles Eloise and continues the search.

Emilio and Duval fight with swords until the rooster crows. The room catches on fire, so Enrique has to save Marta rather than chase Duval, who heads straight to his coffin.

Maria follows Duvall to the coffin and stakes him through the heart. Upstairs, Marta immediately wakes up, and Enrique carries her outside. Eloise, laying on the ground nearby, turns into dust.

At the train station, Enrique says goodbye to Marta. No, he decides to stay at the last minute. Happy ending!

Brian’s Commentary

The bat transformations are very low-tech, but they’re also very well done. It’s quite good; it’s got an involved plot that all makes sense, the characters are distinct and interesting, and the acting is decent. The repetitive music is annoying but bearable.

Don’t park your coffin where the sun shines. You’re supposed to hide it in a dark place. How did Maria just strangle Eloise? She even told us the rules for killing vampires.

Considering it’s a Mexican-made horror movie made in the 50s, it’s surprisingly good!

Kevin’s Commentary

Spelling Duval backward as Lavud is every bit as sneaky as pretending to be Count Alucard. This was thoroughly enjoyable for an oldie. I thought the story was well put together, the cast is decent, and the effects get the job done.

Short Films:

2020 Short Film: The Mayflower

* Directed by Christopher Goodman

* Written by Benjamin Farry

* Stars Jason Ryall, Benjamin Farry

* Run Time: 6:54

* Watch it:

What Happens

The engineer aboard a spaceship wakes up from a nightmare. The AI says there was a collision alert while he was asleep, but it was a false alarm. He’s hallucinating terrible things, but is that just a side effect of being in hypersleep for so long? If the crew is asleep, and the engineer just woke up, why is there old food and wrappers all over the table? We soon find out.

Commentary

The set design and spaceship effects are all really well done. The story itself is fairly simple, but there’s nothing here that we don’t understand by the end. It looks good, the makeup/body horror effects are well done, and it’s absolutely worth a watch.

2020 Short Film: Trust Me: A Witness Account of the Goatman

* Directed by Nate Ruegger

* Written by Leslie O’Neill

* Stars Alexandra Bayless, Luke Cook

* Run Time: 10:18

* Watch on YouTube:

What Happens

We watch a young couple get settled into a nice-looking cabin in the woods. He’s planned this little getaway so that he can propose to her later; he even practices his proposal speech outside.

Later, they go for a walk in the woods and see a nasty-looking blanket that smells bad and is probably covering a dead animal. Then, they notice that there’s something in the woods that seems to be following them. The boyfriend suddenly gets stomach cramps, and the day is ruined.

But it could get worse…

Commentary

The Goatman is, in fact, a real legend in the Midwest. This is well shot and paced, the characters act believably, and it’s very creepy in parts. The moral of the story is simple… never go camping.

2023 Short Film: Apotemnofilia

* Directed by Jano Pita

* Written by Jano Pita

* Stars Lucia Azcolitia, Michael Collis

* Run Time: 9 Minutes

* Watch on YouTube:

What Happens

It’s the premiere of Clara’s big stage comeback after her… issues. She’s all made up, nicely dressed, and ready to go until she notices something crawling around– inside her leg!

As her manager, producer, and stage guy beat on the door to open up and get out on stage, thinking she’s being a primadonna, Clara is inside doing battle with something horrible…

Commentary

I looked it up so you don’t have to: “Apotemnofilia” is also known as body integrity identity disorder (BIID), is a rare condition that causes an intense desire to amputate a healthy limb.

And that pretty much spoils most of the plot of the film. The gore and creature effects are really well done, the screaming people outside add extra tension, as if the creatures weren’t enough. The ending is perfect as well.

Very nice!

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Mainstream Films:

2025 The Gorge

* Directed by Scott Derrickson

* Written by Zach Dean

* Stars Miles Teller, Anya Taylor-Joy, Sigourney Weaver

* Run Time: 2 Hours, 7 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This was better than we expected and more than we expected. The preview was done right, giving just a little taste of the movie, and it was good going into it blind. It wasn’t a perfect film, but we both enjoyed it.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on Drasa, sleeping in a cave. She marks another day off her calendar as she points her sniper rifle out toward a far distant airport. One shot, and her victim falls down dead. Credits roll.

We cut to Levi, getting up and driving to the beach as the sun rises. He’s told to report to the military base, where he meets Bartholemew, who’s a high-up spy. She talks about his history as a Marine Corps sniper. He’s got quite a list of kills. She’s got a job for him.

Meanwhile, in Lithuania, Drasa and her father visit a graveyard. They talk about her latest kill, an arms dealer who totally had it coming. The old man is dying, and she’s going away for at least a year, so they say their goodbyes.

Levi parachutes down over the no-fly zone and has to walk miles to his very isolated destination, an extremely deep gorge. He meets J.D., a soldier who briefs Levi. Neither of them has any idea what country this is. J.D. hasn’t seen a single person during the past year, and Levi will be his replacement.

Levi tours the observation tower where he’ll be spending the next year. There’s another tower on the other side, but Levi isn’t allowed to make contact with them. There’s a lot of technology and air raid sirens. It’s all very secret. Russians and Americans have been working together on this for decades without their own leaders knowing about this place. It’s even cloaked electronically from satellites.

Levi needs to stop what’s in the gorge from coming out. They hear “The hollow men” down below screaming. Those things are extremely lethal.

“The gorge is the door to Hell and we’re standing guard at the gate,” J.D. hypothesizes before leaving Levi on his own. The helicopter then comes to pick up J.D., and the man on board shoots him.

Levi walks the wall of the gorge, and there are some very heavy weapons and mines and barriers installed there. We see that Drasa is now working in the tower on the other side. A couple months in, she holds up a sign wanting to know his name. They both know they aren’t allowed to communicate, but they do it anyway. They soon learn that they are both master snipers. They make a lot of noise, enough to wake up whatever’s down below.

They see the things crawling up the walls, and they both shoot the horde. Between the machine guns and the explosives in the walls, they get most of the plant-covered creatures. Drasa gets splattered in the shoulder with molten metal from one of the mines. But like all hits and bangs and draggings and wounds in this movie, it’s not too big of a deal.

In the morning, they have to clean up and replace the mines. Something like a rocket or drone comes up out of the gorge and flies away.

As the months pass, they continue to communicate by holding up signs to each other. Levi assembles a zipline by shooting the other side with a rocket. As Levi crosses, he hears the creatures way down in the foggy gorge. They have a nice evening together. They talk about their assassinations over their careers.

On the way back across the zipline, one of the creatures sets off a mine, and the cable snaps. He pops his parachute and goes down. Drasa jumps into the gorge with a parachute after him as well.

Levi finds himself being attacked by a giant caterpillar and then he’s attacked by hungry tree roots. Suddenly, they’re attacked by more of those plant-creatures, but this time, they’re on plant-horses. These aren’t demons, they’re the men who were sent into the gorge in the 1940s, infected with some kind of plant plague.

They walk through the landscape, and there are skeletons and bones everywhere. Then they find a long-abandoned town and they stop in to hide in an old church. There are many bodies inside, at least some are apparently suicides. They’re attacked by a horde of skull-spiders and then more humanoid creatures, and it’s all very action-packed and intense (how much ammo could they be carrying?).

They leave the church and get into an old WWII-era lab. They turn on the generator and the lights come right on. They find a movie reel and watch it. The scientist on the film says it’s 1946, and the Allies have been working on biochemical missiles, but then an earthquake wrecked the base and broke their containment. The stuff they were working on merges the DNA of plants, animals, and even insects.

Levi figures out that people have been down here recently - there’s a modern computer. That explains the drone they saw months ago - it was taking DNA samples. Private companies have been studying this stuff to create super soldiers. There’s also a small nuclear bomb set up to self-destruct the whole gorge if necessary.

Drasa steps into a trap and is dragged away by one of the horsemen as Levi is left behind alone.

Drasa wakes up tied up in a room with a tree-man. They end up fighting with swords and knives. Levi eventually arrives to save her. From the uniform, Levi recognizes the “man” as the first occupant of his tower, back in 1946.

Levi explains what he’s figured out about the origin of the contaminant and the purpose of this place. They find lots of mutated people that have merged into one big creature. They set off a bomb to burn the creature.

They find some WWII Jeeps whose batteries, engines, and tires still work (really?). They drive to the side of the gorge and connect the Jeep’s winch to the cable remnant they have. Naturally, they are attacked again and now they’re finally low on ammo. They ride the Jeep right up the side of the cliff (that’s quite a winch!).

Halfway up the gorge wall, they are attacked by more creatures. They actually do manage to climb up past the mines and automatic defenses. Back in the tower, they wonder if they’ve been infected; they both know they were hired because they’re expendable.

They decide they have to destroy the gorge by setting off the failsafe. They know that they can spend up to five days without showing signs of mutations, so it’s too soon to know if they’re safe or not.

Levi calls at the scheduled time on the radio, and Bartholomew knows he’s been in the gorge. She points out that if it wasn’t him down there, then it must have been Drasa. She orders him to kill Drasa. Meanwhile, Bartholomew has video of the two snipers together from that modern computer in the gorge they were looking at; she knows all about what they’ve been up to. She and her best men pack up to go to the gorge…

The soldiers and Bartholomew arrive at the tower in a helicopter as Levi and Drasa are out in the woods running cable. They send drones out after the renegade snipers. Luckily, good snipers have no problem shooting down military-grade drones.

Now at an almost safe distance, Levi and Drasa shoot the cloak towers, exposing the gorge, which sets off the self-destruct nuke. With two minutes warning, Levi and Drasa are far enough away to run for it. Bartholomew and her guys try to fly away from ground zero. The bomb goes off, destroying the gorge, the towers, and the helicopter.

Drasa hides in a cave and marks off the days. She finds that she’s not infected and moves to France. She goes to the spot they had agreed to rendezvous, but Levi doesn’t show.

Months pass, and Levi eventually finds her. They’re happy ever after.

Brian’s Commentary

The plant-based zombie-things are very reminiscent of the virus in “The Last of Us.” The CGI is overall pretty good, although some of the creatures look straight out of a videogame. The Jeep, winch, and the near-unlimited ammo make this one a little hard to believe, but at least it never gets boring.

From the trailer, I expected the couple in the towers to talk and meet, but I wasn’t expecting all the time they spent down in the gorge and how much monster action we’d get.

Overall, I liked it!

Kevin’s Commentary

Boy they were tough surviving getting beat up and dragged around and blown up. And the ammo counts were questionable. But those issues aside, it was an entertaining film that didn’t go in the direction I was expecting it to. It was well cast, and the chemistry between the two main characters was believable. I’d recommend it.

* Directed by Thordur Palsson

* Written by Jamie Hannigan, Thordur Palsson

* Stars Odessa Young, Joe Cole, Siobhan Finneran

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 25 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This was literally a chilling movie to watch, very cold and desolate. The location and vibe of it were perfect, giving a real sense of them being trapped and isolated. It was solidly good throughout, and then the ending is questionable. The more we thought about it and discussed it, the more we liked it. We both give it a thumbs up.

Spoilery Synopsis

We see various shots of the very cold land as the credits roll. Eventually, we cut to Eva walking through the snow. “Magnus said it was a place of opportunity if you can endure the cold and long nights.” Now, the small fishing town is starving, and it’s not looking good.

Ragnar is the leader of the community, and Eva points out that there have been bad years before, but men always ended up dying in those years. The roads are all buried, so no one’s going anywhere until spring. After dinner, Helga tells the men a story about two brothers who murdered each other.

Eva and Magnus owned the fishing station, and when he died, she was left in charge. She doesn’t have anywhere else to go, and neither do most of the fishermen.

In the morning, Eva and Helga watch the men take their boats to the beach. They all see a big sailing ship out on the horizon. It’s stuck on the rocks and sinking pretty fast, and it’s too far away for the fisherman to get there in time to help. Even if they did save some, they don’t have the food to spare for more mouths. It’s the same place they lost Magnus last year. It’s Eva’s call as to whether to try to save the men, and she tells the men to go home and take the day off.

Eva finds a barrel of food on the beach that probably came from the wrecked ship. They take a boat to the crash site to search for more barrels. They find survivors, too many for their boat, and they back off, letting the men in the water drown. They end up fighting off some of the men, and Ragnar is lost in the fight.

The following morning, bodies start washing up on shore. Even the fishermen puke when Daniel cuts one of the dead open, and eels pour out. Helga is superstitious and demands that the men wrap the coffins in rope and do some other rituals to keep the dead from coming back.

As night falls, Eva gets a scare outside in the dark and tells Daniel, the new helmsman, what she saw. He says maybe it’s time to get their rifle out. He shows her how to use it, and the two start to get close.

Helga puts up a talisman above the door. “The Draugr needs to see it” to stay away. She describes a creature that's essentially a zombie powered by hate. Helga tells Eva all about the creature, who visits her dreams. Helga says it’s too strong, and soon, it’ll get in. “It won’t stop until it takes all of us. The only way to stop a Draugr is fire– burn it!”

The men finally get a good catch, so they’re all going to eat well tonight and celebrate with some booze. In the morning all the fish are gone, even the bait. The men argue and turn against each other with accusations. Helga is missing; was she behind the food disappearing?

They check out the coffins, and one of the dead men is missing. Eva orders that the coffins be tied up as Helga warned.

That night, Eva sees a dead man in her room, but he vanishes quickly. Hakon, the man who sealed up the coffins earlier today, becomes very ill and loses his mind. “It says we’re all gonna die.” Hakon then tries to kill Daniel until someone whacks him in the head with a hammer. Eva is convinced the Draugr is real; Daniel says, “The living are always more dangerous than the dead.”

Jonas wants to take the day off and build a giant cross on the mountain for protection. There’s an accident, and they carry in Daniel, badly scraped up and crazy like Hakon was. He was running from “a shadow.” Daniel kills Jonas and menaces Eva before cutting his own throat.

Only Eva, Skuli, Aron, and one other man are left alive. They discuss taking the boat to the nearest town, but what’s to keep the monster from following them? Eva wants to destroy it with fire. Its trail leads near the graves, so they head there.

Eva loses the others in the fog. She watches as Skuli walks over the edge of a cliff. Eva sees a dark shape standing over the body, and she gets out the rifle. No- it’s just Helga, who froze to death in that spot.

Back at the camp, Eva tells the two remaining men to get a boat ready; they’ll just have to take their chances. Eva runs into the monster in her room, and she shoots it. Then she pours oil over it while it’s still struggling and sets it on fire. She runs to her two men and tells them that it’s over, she burned it.

As they watch the building engulfed in flame, we get a flashback to a few minutes earlier, when the lone surviving man from the shipwreck begs Eva not to kill him and apologizes for taking some of their food. She can’t understand his language and shoots him before burning him alive. Or was that just the creature messing with her head as it died?

Brian’s Commentary

The location here is amazing; cold, creepy, and begging for a haunting. Who would ever try to build a village there? That place is bleak. They never mention the year that it takes place, but it’s 1871.

Initial thoughts:

The ending killed it for me. The explanation didn’t match what we saw earlier. That man wouldn’t have taken the entire catch of the day. He didn’t make the men sick, and he certainly didn’t take the dead man out of the coffin. This was really good up until the last two minutes. I did not like the ending at all.

After a few minutes thinking about it, I added this part:

Except maybe what we saw at the end was simply Eva’s mind trying to explain it all away. There really was a monster, and she did kill it, but part of the magic was that people would reason it away. If anything hinting at this was mentioned during the film, I may have missed it, but that makes the ending, even the “twist” more satisfying.

I will revise it to say I liked it a lot, although I’m sure many will hate the ending.

Kevin’s Commentary

So, at the very end, as the creature was dying, it did one last act of evil by messing with Eva’s mind. I’m going with that too. It does make the whole thing better, which had been really great up to that point. The cast was excellent, the setting and situation is creepy, and overall I liked it quite a bit.

2024 Grafted

* Directed by Sasha Rainbow

* Written by Lee Murray, Sasha Rainbow, Mia Maramara

* Stars Eden Hart, Jess Hong, Jared Turner

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 36 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s an interesting idea and well made in every way. There are some unbelievable points that we had a hard time getting past, but it’s fun overall. We’d give it a moderate thumbs up.

Spoilery Synopsis

Wei, a little girl in China, talks about how corpse flowers work. They make themselves smelly to attract flies. She then feeds a mouse to a snake and then talks to her father about fixing his face; he’s got a large birthmark on his face, and so does his daughter. He works in his lab to make skin grafts. It does work, a little too well, as it grows right over his mouth and nose, sealing them shut. He cuts his face open with a scalpel, and it grows right back. He eventually suffocates as Wei takes over frantically slashing at him. Credits roll.

Wei is grown up now. Her family considers her a monster because of her face, so she packs up and goes to university in New Zealand. She wants to become a scientist like her father. She goes to stay with her very chatty Aunt Ling and cousin Angela in Auckland.

On the first day of school, Wei talks to John, a homeless man who looks terribly burned. She soon becomes a lab assistant for her professor, Paul.

At home, Angela has her friends Eve and Jasmine, over, and they laugh at Wei’s weird Chinese ways and get grossed out over her collection of medical photos.

We see that Paul’s funding is about to be canceled, and he’s only got two weeks to resubmit something.

Wei watches Angela’s friends and pretends to emulate them, with very poor effects. She invites them to a Chinese restaurant, and Wei orders chicken feet, which is surprisingly unpopular. She blames their treatment of her on her birthmark, which isn’t really that bad.

Paul invites Wei to work on her father’s research in his lab. They get right on it, and he starts reporting his work on skin grafting between makeout sessions with Eve. Jasmine comes in and also gets a job as a second lab assistant.

Wei remembers about the corpse flower, and that had some part in his work. She breaks into the museum and takes a sample of the flower to use in her work. She tries it on her leg, and it works!

Paul looks at Wei’s healed-up leg, and Eve takes a photo of them in a compromising position. Paul makes copies of Wei’s father’s notebook while Eve drops Wei off in the middle of nowhere.

Wei goes home and finds her shrine to her father has been ransacked by Angela, and the two girls fight. This ends with Angela being killed. Wei cuts off Angela’s face and injects it with her formula before putting it on her own face. The “magic” graft works quickly, and now Wei looks just like Angela. She hides Angela’s body under the bed.

Auntie Ling comes home, and she makes up with “Angela.” She leaves soon after on a business trip, giving “Angela” time to learn how to talk like an Aussie and walk in heels. Meanwhile, Paul and Eve talk about why he really keeps Eve around (it’s not for her brain).

When it’s time for Angela’s sports team, Wei breaks her own finger to get out of participating. She then hangs out with Jasmine and Eve, who tell her all their secrets. She then goes on a date with Angela’s boyfriend, whose name she doesn’t even know.

Suddenly, Angela’s face falls off, which shocks the boyfriend into falling off a cliff to his death.

Paul figures out about the corpse flower, but he gets some juice from a dying plant. He admits to Wei that he stole her work, which gets her angry. She sees Eve outside and gets an idea. She lures Eve home, one thing leads to another, and soon, with some hair color and contacts, Wei looks like Eve.

The police come by, looking for Angela and Wei, and they smell something wrong in the house right away. She manages to distract them into ignoring the smell and leaving.

After class the next day, Eve/Wei goes to visit Paul at home. She uses Eve’s phone to send that compromising photo to Student Affairs, especially now that Wei has disappeared. He’s arrested and ends up quitting his job.

Wei works to dispose of Angela and Eve’s bodies, but the noisy little dog draws in neighbor Sheryl.

Paul continues his work on his own, and he finally makes it work. Eve-Wei goes over and steals his formula. She goes home and peels off Eve’s face.

Jasmine comes over and wonders why Wei has blond hair and is wearing Eve’s dress. Jasmine is nice, but she sees more than she should; Wei kills her.

Paul notices his formula is gone and goes to Wei’s home to get it back. He knows what she’s done. He still plans on taking credit for Wei and her father’s work. She sedates Paul and knocks him out.

He wakes up all mutilated, but Wei offers to give him a taste of the skin graft. Like her father, it seals up his nose and mouth, but in his case, she gives him a metal straw. Sheryl hears the screams and calls the police. Wei runs away to the train station.

Wei comes upon John off to the side, and he helps her hide. The formula gets broken and injected by way of the broken glass, and Wei and John… merge.

Aunt Ling sees Wei on the street, but it’s not really her. Then she sees a deformed monster, WeiJohn out on the street.

Sheryl, on the other hand, takes the little dog home and is happy ever after.

Brian’s Commentary

Well, that was weird. I don’t think skin grafting works at all like that. Besides, Wei, Angela, and Eve all had very different body types, so would anyone actually believe they were who they pretended to be? It’s not so realistic, but it’s still fun.

This may have the most obnoxious dog in any movie, and he’s the only one with a happy ending.

Kevin’s Commentary

It was pushing it for Wei to impersonate Angela, but it wasn’t at all believable she could impersonate Eve who was taller, thinner, and paler. Just swapping face skin wouldn’t be enough to become that person. The underlying bone structure and muscles are different. But looking past that, it was well made all around, had good special effects, and an interesting story. I’d give it a moderate thumbs up in total.

1988 Slugs

* Directed by Juan Piquer Simon

* Written by Ron Gantman, Shaun Hutson, Jose Antonio Escriva

* Stars Michael Garfield Levine, Kim Terry, Philip McHale

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 29 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This was a pretty low end creature feature. It’s got some good moments of kills and mayhem. Mostly, it suffers from bad dialogue, overbearing music, weak acting, and choppy editing. It was just acceptable, not great.

Spoilery Synopsis

A young couple is out on a rowboat fishing. She’s bored and wants to go swimming, but something pulls him in and eats him first. Credits roll.

An old man and his dog sit next to an old house and get drunk. The man’s been living there, but he’s not much of a housekeeper and slugs are everywhere.

We cut to Mike and Kim Brady out with Maureen and her boring husband David. They pass Don and his wife, Maria, on the way out. Don is in charge of the city’s sewers. Mike and Kim go home and have a happy time. We see they have a slug on their window.

In the morning, Mike, the health inspector, talks to the sheriff about evicting the old drunk we saw earlier. They find the man’s head; something’s been eating him. Mike finds a bunch of little slime trails leading into the basement, but there’s nothing down there but trash.

Mike and Don check out a reported clogged sewer. Don finds something alive living in the pipes.

At school, the kids talk about Kim’s classes. They are annoying. An old woman nags her husband about the snail eggs on all her plants. He ends up getting bitten by a slug that’s hiding in his glove. He screams for help, but his wife is inside vacuuming with loud music. He cuts his own hand off before the entire greenhouse explodes in fire.

Kim and Mike hear about the old couples’ death, and Mike notices slime trails all through Kim’s garden. Then he sees the slug, and one of them bites him. He puts one in a jar to have it tested by the science teacher at Kim’s school.

Elsewhere, Maureen makes dinner, and we see her lettuce is moving. She chops up one of the slugs without seeing it, and they eat it. David gets stomach cramps after.

Mike and Kim take the slug to scientist John, who tells them all about slugs. They’re usually too small to eat meat, but these are way bigger than they should be. Later, John watches the slug eat a hamster; they aren't supposed to do that.

A couple of students wait until her parents leave and then make out in the basement. We see their bathroom is covered in hundreds of slugs. As is the bedroom. Soon, the young couple is slug food.

The sheriff calls Mike to check out the dead teens in the morning. Mike says it could be killer slugs, and the sheriff laughs at him. Don calls Mike about the slugs in the sewer and the old toxic waste dump that the city is built over. He’s got a whole theory about toxic gas being released.

David is at an important business lunch and his head basically explodes as the millions of little slugs crawl out. Mike takes samples from David to John and discovers that the slugs are indeed carnivorous.

Kim calls Mike; she’s got slugs coming out her faucet. Mike goes to the mayor and demands all the water in town needs to be shut down. The mayor ignores him, turning on the faucet to see what comes out, which is… nothing.

John tells Mike about poison that will kill the slugs, but they need to get all the slugs in one place. As Mike, Don, and John get their plan in place, we cut to a teen Halloweeen party with dozens of kids there. Don and Mike wander around in the sewers for an interminable amount of time, eventually finding the main breeding ground. Things go badly, and Don is eaten.

Mike crawls out of the sewer and tells John to pump in the explosive poison, which blasts manhole covers and cars and storefronts and buildings all over town. Amusingly, after we see all those fires and explosions, multiple fire trucks pull up to where they are just standing there where there is no fire. Kim stops by to pick up Mike, leaving the sheriff to clean up the mess.

Naturally, we cut to one surviving slug down in the tunnels. It only takes one to breed a new batch…

Brian’s Commentary

Some of the dialogue here is truly awful, and a lot of it seems to have been dubbed in post, so there’s really no excuse. It was shot in both the USA and Spain, and that explains a lot of it. The music is overblown and way too active for such a slow-paced film.

There’s no way that plan would have killed all the slugs anyway. Other than the death of one random teen, all the talk about the big Halloween party goes nowhere; they don’t even know they’re in danger.

This movie is really, really dumb.

Kevin’s Commentary

I’d been led to believe this was a great horror movie. It is not. Like Brian mentioned, there were far too many slugs over too big of an area for that plan, or any plan, of destruction to work. Some would have survived most anything. It had some good moments, some gross practical effects, but it wasn’t a winner overall.

1973 The Night Strangler

* Directed by Dan Curtis

* Written by Richard Matheson, Jeffrey Grant Rice

* Stars Darren McGavin, Jo Ann Pflug, Simon Oakland

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 14 Minutes

* Watch it:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The first outing, “The Night Stalker,” was so popular that they brought Kolchak back for another case in another city. Once again, a killer is on the loose, and only Kolchak believes there are unusual factors at play. It’s another good one, and it's clear why they went on to a series after this.

Spoilery Synopsis

Kolchak, from the first film, tells us that he’s going to tell us the true story about what really happened, since the regular press lied and covered it all up. He tells us about a belly dancer walking home late at night down a dark alley in Seattle. She soon notices that she’s being followed. Someone grabs her from behind.

Tony Vincenzo, the editor of the local newspaper, hears Kolchak yelling about the vampire story, yet again. He rehires Kolchak for the new paper, which is owned by grouchy old Mr. Crossbinder (John Carradine). Tony assigns Carl to check out the dancer’s murder.

He goes to interview the other dancers who worked with the dead girl. Louise Harper doesn’t have much time to talk and laughs off the murders.

Sure enough, there’s another murder, and Kolchak finds out it was another strangulation. At the coroner’s inquest, Kolchak asks if the victims had lost blood, and the officials admit that yes, there was a small loss of blood, as if a needle had been used to withdraw some. The morgue attendant tells Kolchak that the way the victim’s necks were broken, that the murderer was inhumanely strong, and the bodies have residue of decayed human flesh on them as well. Tony is not pleased with this revelation.

Kolchak goes to the belly dancing bar to talk to Louise. The bar is right next door to the Underground Tour, a place where the city got built over an older city, and most of it’s still down there. Back in 1952, there was a very similar series of murders; six women were strangled in exactly the same way. If it’s the same guy, there are going to be more murders.

There is another murder, and this time, there’s a witness. There are vampire-like marks on the victim’s neck, and the killer was seen holding a big hypodermic needle. The killer is said to look like a dead man. The newspaper researcher comes back with more details from 1931… every 21 years, the murders start again. Yep, in 1910 and 1889 as well, each time with the same description of the ultra-strong dead man.

When Tony agrees to run a story of the facts, the police are not amused. That night, the Strangler kills again, and both Kolchak and the police chase after him. Kolchak takes a picture, but the police confiscate his camera.

Carl and Louise go on the Underground Tour and see the whole subterranean world under the city. The fire of 1889 was built over completely. They go off the route and get attacked by a homeless man. Otherwise, they don’t find anything down there.

Carl tells Louise all about the vampire story in Las Vegas. They go to see Professor Crabwell, an expert on mythology and monsters. She talks about ways that men have managed to live for very long times through an “elixir of life” that uses blood as an ingredient. It would require periodic replenishing, maybe every 21 years.

The next victim was in her dressing room at the club; the killer broke in and killed her right in front of her friend. Carl tells the police captain everything he knows. Captain Schubert knows all about the old-time murders and history of the killer. Sometimes the killer looks like a dead man, and sometimes, he’s described as “quite handsome.” Carl can’t explain that.

The police call Tony, who takes Carl off the case. That doesn’t stop Carl at all. Carl hears about Dr. Richard Malcolm, who talks to Mark Twain about immortality. Malcolm was a surgeon in the Civil War.

Carl gets more information about Malcolm Richards or Richard Malcolm, or his other aliases before disappearing. He’s even got pictures of the man taken many years apart. The murderer is an immortal man. He’s got so many details that even old man Crossbinder approves; still, the newspaper agrees to kill the story.

Carl and Louise go out at night trying to bait the killer– until they get separated. The killer stalks Louise, but they are both grabbed by the police first. The killer, now desperate, breaks into a restaurant and kills the woman working there. This is the sixth killing, so there won’t be any more and the killer will go underground for another 21 years.

Kolchak and Louise go back to where the killer simply vanished from the police and find a way into the Underground. Carl goes in “for my exclusive” and tells Louise to call the cops in half an hour.

Carl walks through the lost city looking for Malcolm. He wanders around and takes photos until he finds the body of the homeless man from earlier. He finds a room full of mummified bodies sitting at a dinner table.

Carl encounters Dr. Malcolm, who doesn’t look like a dead man anymore. He’s more than willing to tell Carl his story before murdering him. He found the elixir of life, but he learned that it wasn’t permanent. He aged rapidly, but the elixir made him young again after taking it again. He has one final dose that he has to take in a minute. Carl smashes the dose, and Malcolm attacks. Halfway through strangling Carl, Malcolm ages rapidly and dies.

The next day, at the paper, Carl finds his bags have been packed– he’s been fired again. The paper has published a coverup story. Tony tried to print Carl’s story, but Crossbinder killed the story. There is much screaming and yelling between the two men.

Carl records into his tape about the whole conspiracy, and we see that Tony’s in the car. He’s been fired too. They’re off to New York– and Louise is going as well. They argue all the way there…

Brian’s Commentary

The first movie was the most successful TV movie of all time, so a sequel was inevitable. This one had a vampire-like murderer, but it’s not a vampire this time. Other than not being a vampire, the rest of the story is very similar to the original. The eventual TV series took most of the same ideas but used a wider variety of creatures and killers.

I remember when I was little, I always wanted to visit Seattle to see the underground city there, which was always said to be real. I doubt it’s as elaborate as this movie would portray it, but it’s still a cool idea. No, I’ve never actually gone. I suspect it wouldn’t be so well-lit in reality.

If the killer had been living in that place for more than a hundred years, why didn’t he clean up all the cobwebs and corpses?

It’s not as good as the first one, but it was still pretty cool.

Kevin’s Commentary

This was just as entertaining as the first movie, and as entertaining as the series to come. I appreciated how consistent it all was. The basic formula of something weird happening and Kolchak being the only one who figures it out and believes was a lot of fun, and Darren McGavin is perfect in the role. I’d recommend seeing this movie and all the other media.

Short Films:

2017 Short Film: We Summoned a Demon

* Directed by Chris McInroy

* Written by Chris McInroy

* Stars Kirk C. Johnson, Carlos Larotta, John Orr

* Run Time: 6 Minutes

* Watch it:

What Happens

It’s clearly the 80s, as two nerds try to do a magic spell to make them cool. It doesn’t work. “You’re less cool than you were before!” They go off for tacos, but then the ground opens up, and a demon rises. That’s not gonna go well, is it?

Commentary

These guys do not hide well. They are, however, cool. You just gotta be cool.

It’s got a retro aesthetic without being too obvious about it. It’s pretty low budget, but it looks good for what they had. It’s a lot of fun.

2020 Short Film: The Outsider

* Directed by Ludvig Gur

* Written by Ludvig Gur, H.P. Lovecraft

* Stars Kola Krauze, Magnus Lennartsson, Anna Guldkula

* Run Time: 11 Minutes

* Watch it:

What Happens

We open on a man who’s locked inside a shed with no companionship other than a butterfly. He’s got nothing to read except a Bible. He dreams of frolicking out in the fields, but he’s stuck in the shed. When the butterfly finally gets out through a small hole, the man decides it’s time to escape.

Commentary

This one is based on an old H. P. Lovecraft story, which I wasn’t familiar with going into the story, which probably helps. I didn’t know what was going on until the end, although I had suspicions.

It’s very nicely shot, the effects are good, and the ending is really well done.

2018 Short Film: Recursion

* Directed by Caden Butera

* Written by Caden Butera

* Stars Bonni Dichone, John Gessner, Steve Lloyd

* Run Time: 10 Minutes

* Watch it:

What Happens

We open on the spaceship Iris, which is planning to mine resources from an uninhabited planet. There’s a storm, so a couple of guys have to land manually to put down landing beacons for the main ship. Once they get down there, they find that this uninhabited planet may not be completely uninhabited after all.

Commentary

Someone watched the original “Alien” too many times– not that that’s a bad thing. They took a lot of what made “Alien” great and made a whole new story with much of the same look and mood. The ending is a little confusing until you remember the name of the film. “Oh, I see!”

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We’ve got a fun selection of werewolves and vampires this week, starting off with 2025’s “Wolf Man.” We’ll stop by for a visit with “The Boys from County Hell” (2020) and see a “Funny Man” (1994). We’ll then pick on the crazy “Dracula’s Dog” aka “Zoltan: Hound of Dracula” (1977) and then finish up with “The Night Stalker” from way back in 1972. 

And, of course, we have more excellent short films for you!

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Mainstream Films:

2025 Wolf Man

* Directed by Leigh Whannell

* Written by Leigh Whannell, Corbett Tuck

* Stars Christopher Abbott, Julia Garner, Matilda Firth

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 43 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This has a pretty minimal set up at the beginning and then gets right to things abruptly. Then it doesn’t let up. Overall, we both liked it. It was similar enough to other werewolf movies to be comforting and familiar, yet different enough to be interesting.

Spoilery Synopsis

We’re told that in 1995, a hiker went missing in the mountains of Oregon. Several members of the community speculated that the man had contracted an animal-borne virus they called “Hills Fever.” The indigenous people there called it “The Face of the Wolf.”

Grady, a father, and young son, Blake, go out hunting in the mountains. The man warns his son about not eating the mushrooms. When they spot a deer, Blake runs off alone to track it. He sees something scary, but his father is even scarier. They hear something roaring out in the trees and hide in a deer blind. It’s all very tense, but the creature eventually leaves. Blake and his father go home, and Grady calls a friend on the radio. “I saw it. The face of the wolf. It’s real.”

Thirty years later, we see grown-up Blake and his daughter Ginger, in the big city. Wife Charlotte comes in with Blake’s father’s legal paperwork in the mail: he has inherited Grady’s estate after Grady has finally been officially declared deceased. Blake hadn’t spoken to his scary father in years, and he regrets that now. Blake and Charlotte are having some marital issues, and he wants to work harder to work that out. He suggests the family go to Oregon and spend the summer on the family farm. 

On the way getting turned around, they meet Derek, someone he knew when he was really young. Right off the bat, Derek warns them not to be out after dark. Charlotte doesn’t like Derek because he has a gun (he was out hunting). Derek warns them that it takes a special “type” to live out here, with the animals and diseases and stuff. Derek rides along to guide them to Blake’s dad’s farm. 

As they talk, they almost hit someone in the road and crash the truck they’re driving. The truck comes to rest stuck in a tree on its side, and it’s also very tense, even more so when a strange animal comes out of the woods, scratches Blake, and drags away Derek’s unconscious body after ripping his belly open. The three run to Grady’s farmhouse as something growls behind them. They barely get inside before it comes pounding on the door. 

“It sounded like an animal, but it was standing up on two feet, like a person,” Blake tells Charlotte as he barricades the door. Blake spits out a tooth, thinking he hit his face on the steering wheel in the accident. Charlotte notices that his arm has a big scratch on it, like from an animal. The city-slicker family is not coping well with life in the mountains. 

As his family sleeps, Blake notices his hearing has gotten a lot better. A lot. It’s overwhelming. The creature is still pacing around outside the house and reaches through the doggy door to grab Blake’s leg, but Charlotte drives it away.  He passes out, and Charlotte tries to use the CB to call for help. 

Blake wakes up, and he’s not looking so good. He talks in growls, and his face is a little off. His hair starts falling out and he starts getting worse very quickly. He can’t understand her words, and everything starts looking different to him visually; his senses are going crazy. He starts chewing on his own wounded arm, and Charlotte comes to the conclusion that’s just not right. 

Charlotte sees Grady’s old truck parked outside, and she takes everyone outside to try to get it started. She’s smart enough to take a spare battery to jump-start the old truck, and when she does, they get a good look at what is clearly a Wolf Man. 

The three run and hide on the roof of the plastic-sheeted greenhouse, and we know where this scene is going to play out right away. Blake runs away as a diversion so that Charlotte and Ginger can run back to the house. When they let Blake into the house a bit later, he’s clearly gotten worse– he’s lost more hair and his teeth have grown longer.

Except then the Wolf Man from outside gets in, and the two wolf men fight.  Charlotte stabs the intruder in the back, but that doesn’t stop him. Blake jumps on the monster and bites his throat out, which does the job. Then he sees a tattoo on the monster’s arm– that was Grady, his own father. 

Blake stumbles outside and falls down. He continues to change physically, but a lot faster now. Charlotte tells Ginger about Grady’s disappearance a while back, and everyone thought he was dead, but no, he was just sick. Blake returns, and now he menaces his wife and daughter, who hide in the barn. 

Charlotte, however, seems to know how to set up a bear trap and uses it to immobilize BlakeWolf. Blake, on the other hand, chews his own foot off to get out of the trap. 

Running through the woods, Charlotte and Ginger come across their own wrecked truck and Derek’s ripped-off arm– and his gun. They hide in the same deer blind that Blake and Grady did thirty years ago, and the same scene plays out again. Ginger tells Charlotte that “he wants this to be over.” Charlotte does, in fact, shoot Blake. 

The family gets together to watch him die as the sun comes up. Charlotte and Ginger walk out of the woods and admire the mountain view. 

Brian’s Commentary

A lot of Blake’s dialogue seems overwritten– who talks to their child like that? Someone who’s never seen a kid? There are a few callbacks to the 1941 film, but not as many as you might expect. I didn’t really spot anything to connect to the 2010 version, but they may have been trying to forget that happened.

There’s no gypsy moon curses here, just a weird animal disease. Most of the film is watching the disease progress, not knowing what the final product is going to be. I was reminded of 1986’s “The Fly” in that regard. The transformation scene, which is usually the best part of many werewolf films, actually takes up the better part of an hour here, as it’s so slow. 

Charlotte comes off as a pampered, big-city girl who doesn’t know anything about rural life, but she can jump-start a truck and set a bear trap in the dark. 

The “wolf vision” is pretty cool and I haven’t seen it done like this before. The Wolf Man makeup, while probably more realistic in nature, is not impressive at all– it’s basically a dirty-looking man with big teeth. 

Leaving out the wolfman’s appearance, overall, I liked it. 

Kevin’s Commentary

The slow motion transformation was very interesting, a permanent diseased state instead of changing under the full moon and changing back during the day. The point of view of Blake as he changed, with heightened senses and loss of language skills was cool too. The blend of familiar elements and fresh things was interesting. It wasn’t a perfect movie, but it entertained me.

2020 Boys From County Hell

* Directed by Chris Baugh

* Written by Chris Baugh, Brendan Mullin

* Stars Jack Rowan, Nigel O’Neill, Louisa Harland

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 28 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This has an Irish vampire, that supposedly Bram Stoker (who was Irish), based his famous story on. The problem is Dracula is fiction, and this one is real with all different rules that it follows. There was a lot of dark comedy in this one, likeable characters, and gore. We’d call it a winner.

Spoilery Synopsis

An old couple whines about the boring TV. The old woman gets a bad nosebleed, and suddenly, his eyes start bleeding. They are both leaking badly. The door opens, and both of them start screaming…

Two months earlier, at the pub, Claire cuts off Eugene and his friend for non-payment. A couple of Canadian tourists come in, and the boys offer to lead them to the famous cairn safely for a price. The local legend talks about a real vampire who influenced Bram Stoker. That vampire was killed and buried in this very field. The tales say that whenever he came close to people, they would spontaneously bleed. Abhartach the vampire is supposed to be buried under this cairn. 

They pull a prank and give the Canadians a scare. The third friend, SP, points out that this whole field is scheduled for demolition and new bypass construction. 

Eugene’s father Francie, gets a job working construction on the bypass, and Eugene points out that the locals are going to get really upset, and William’s parents are going to be evicted to make way for the project. 

Eugene, William, and Claire drive to town and talk to George, William’s father and local mortician. They show George a skull that they found in a basement on their property. 

William confides to Eugene that he plans to move to Australia soon. They get a little drunk at the pub and walk home through the field, fight, and William gets gored by a bull, right on top of the cairn. He bleeds heavily into the stones…

After the funeral, Thomas the bartender refuses to serve SP and Eugene, both because of William and because of ruining the cairn, the only reason tourists come to this little town. 

Some time later, construction begins, and George comes to talk to Eugene. George warns him not to tear up the cairn, but Eugene has little choice and knocks the cairn down personally. 

That night, Charlie the watchman hears something outside and investigates. Something we don’t see kills him. In the morning, everyone shows up on the site, Charlie is missing, and the cairn has been rebuilt. 

That evening, Charlie returns, and he’s not healthy. No one actually sees it because it happens too fast, but they assume Charlie kills Gabriel. Claire kills Charlie, but he doesn’t die easily. Charlie’s got no heart at all, but he’s still not dying, at least until Claire buries him. Nope, he’s still moaning down there. They bury him with stones. That’ll do it, right? They all argue over whether it could be a real vampire. 

Meanwhile, Gabriel’s blood runs across the field and into the cairn. The vampire rises from the Earth, so everyone runs to George’s house. Eugene snoops in George’s mortuary and George lets Eugene in on a secret. Turns out, George has a cell in his house, and it’s holding undead William. Yeah, George knows all about the vampires. Meanwhile, in town, people start seeing a strange tall man, and then they start to bleed. 

George explains what happened as he was getting William ready for burial. He believes the stones over Abhartach’s grave is what turned William. George admits he infected Charlie with a stone and rebuilt the cairn, leaving Charlie to attack thinking they would have to cancel the construction project. How do they kill a vampire? This isn’t “Dracula,” this is real. The group sets a trap to kill William, but William’s mother gets in the middle of things, and he kills her– and George. 

In town, we see the local policeman start peeing blood for no particular reason that he can tell, but we know why.

Back at the mortuary, the gang seals William in one of the coffins. SP, however, gets disemboweled and dies. 

Eugene, Claire, and Francie deal with the problem. They bury William, coffin and all under a load of rocks. 

In town, we cut to the old people we saw in the pre-credit sequence. They die badly. And others in town are being drained. 

Eugene figures out that Abhartach is heading toward his dead mother’s farm, where he found that skull; that must have been his lair. He and Francie head over there and figure out that she had been related to the man who buried Abhartach way back in the day. That means Eugene is the last survivor of that family and Abhartach is going to be coming for him. 

Francie knocks out Eugene and beheads Abhartach quite easily. When he goes to wake up Eugene, we see the head sliding across the ground to reconnect with the body. The vampire then comes after both of them all the way out to the barn. 

The sun comes up, but Abhartach doesn’t even slow down. Sunlight doesn’t work either. Eugene pulls off Francie’s wounded leg and impales the vampire with it before burying him again. 

In the morning, everyone in town wakes up with bloody noses. 

Three months later, Eugene admits that he’s finally read “Dracula” and learned that killing vampires with sunlight was a more recent invention. Claire is leaving town for a long while and says goodbye. Francie’s hobbling around with a cane, but he’s doing much better now with a peg leg. Eugene goes to the barn’s basement and puts some more stones on the new cairn. 

Brian’s Commentary

This is a unique vampire. Abhartach doesn’t bite people; the blood leaks out and finds its way to him. It’s a whole new vampire story where the regular rules don’t work. The story about Abhartach being the inspiration for Bram Stoker to write “Dracula” is said to actually be true. 

It’s a new take on vampires, there’s a lot of humor here. Overall, I liked it. 

Kevin’s Commentary

This was cool how all the rules were different and it kept throwing off their plans. I also liked the humans in it and some over the top grossness. It’s a really good one.

1994 Funny Man

* Directed by Simon Sprackling

* Written by Simon Sprackling

* Stars Tim James, Christopher Lee, Benny Young

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 33 Minutes

* Watch it:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This was completely stupid and utterly funny. We kept watching it thinking that this was awful and laughing out loud in humor at it. It’s very British, spoofy, cartoonish, violent, graphic, raunchy, and very weird. We sort of give it a thumbs up.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a high-stakes poker game, and the men playing aren’t too happy with their hands. Max bets $50,000 on his hand, and the others fold except for Callum, the old man in the white suit, who puts up the key to his priceless ancestral home. It’s a $950,000 raise in the stakes. Max has the joker, so he wins. Callum Chance is creepy and makes a threat. Credits roll. 

Max, his wife Tina, and their children go to their new mansion in the country. There’s a game room, and we hear Callum’s voice talking about a creepy game that Max has just begun. Elsewhere, John Taylor, a musician and Max’s brother, stops to pick up a hitchhiker on the way to London. He takes too long and ends up picking up four hikers in his bus (Did the Scooby-Doo gang’s van break down again?). 

Max and Tina talk about Jammie and Harry having nightmares; she doesn’t like this old castle and wants to go home to L.A. Max agrees to go find a hotel once Johnny gets there. Meanwhile, little Harry looks at a court jester picture in the stained glass window, and we see something breaking up through the floor somewhere in the house. 

Harry and the Funny Man play together. Tina walks into “The Love Gallery,” a room as weird as it sounds. The Funny Man comes up behind her, and she wonders what she's been smoking. She backs out of the room slowly and then screams. She finds the room isn't as easy to leave as she had hoped. He eventually beats her to death with a club. 

Jammie plays GameBoy in a room, not seeing the Funny Man dancing around behind her. The Funny Man fries her with battery cables. 

Max gets high and plays with a deck of cards that are all jokers. 

Johnny shows up with his hitchhiking friends, and “The Psychic Commando,” one of the hitchers, senses something is wrong in the house. She does, however, release an ultrasonic scream that makes everyone cover their ears. She then shoots up with some kind of drug which annoys Johnny. The other three Scoobies want to go and leave her here, but Johnny says they can’t leave without her. 

“Thelma” says psychic abilities are real before exploring the house to find Max’s family and the psychic woman. Fred and Shaggy take a walk and talk about how weird the whole situation is. Meanwhile, the Funny Man is outside peeing all over Johnny’s truck. The Funny Man plays soccer with someone’s severed head. 

Somewhere in the house, Max finds a big pile of cocaine, pounds of it, and gets right down to business. It pops him right up to the chimney on the roof of the house and then for a real ride. 

The Psychic Commando finds a nearly eternal stairway down, but eventually makes it to a small town (population 1) at the bottom of the steps. As she explores the Funny Man torments Thelma and literally blows her brain out. 

Upstairs, “Fred” goes into Club Sexy, an obvious trap set by the Funny Man. Inside, the Funny Man does a whole skit about “psychedelic wigs” that make Fred boogie down and watch a porn show. This ends up going badly for him. 

“Shaggy,”on the other hand, wanders through the catacombs and tunnels beneath the house until the Funny Man traps him halfway inside a wall and halfway in a puppet show that’s mind-blowing. 

Through all this, Max continues to ride around the house in his drug-fueled shopping cart. Johnny wanders through the house looking for him, but eventually finds that his brother has sabotaged his career with the Rolling Stones. Max falls out a window to the little magical town below. Johnny then goes back inside to join the greatest rockers of all time, but it’s really just the Funny Man. 

Down in the basement town, the psychic and Funny Man have a ridiculous gunfight; he uses pistols, and she’s got mutated hands that shoot fireballs. She runs him out of town, but he does end up getting the last laugh. 

Johnny goes on stage with his guitar, and he hears cheering from all around. He’s in “Rock and Roll Heaven,” at least until the Funny Man shows up and literally makes him… a star. 

With no one left, the Funny Man finds Max down in the burned-out little town. The Funny Man offers him his card… the joker. We see Callum Chance is a patient there, building houses from cards. Max, on the other hand, is not having as much fun. 

Brian’s Commentary

“Duck!” “Where?”

Fans of Art the Clown from the “Terrifier” series would love the Funny Man. I wonder if Damien Leone took any influence from this. There’s even a bit of a resemblance between the two characters. 

This was intended to be a full-on horror film, but Tim James’s character evolved during production, and as the filming progressed, they ignored the original script more and more. Supposedly, a lot of the crew were on drugs during the creation of the film, and yeah, it shows. As you might expect, it’s pretty disjointed and all over the place thematically. 

Christopher Lee filmed his tiny role in a single day’s shooting. He probably had no idea what the rest of the film was going to be like. He’s in the first scene and then does a couple lines of off-screen narration throughout the film. 

The four hitchhikers really were based on the Scooby gang, and the “Thelma” character is so obvious that it’s hard to miss the similarities. 

The Funny Man’s mask and design is actually really good; I’m a little surprised that he didn’t get a whole franchise. Some of the characters have accents that are a little hard to follow (as an American viewer), but it’s easy enough to follow what’s going on. Actually, the sets and costumes are both very low-budget looking but also completely appropriate to the story. 

It’s objectively a terrible, terrible movie, but I laughed numerous times. If you’re into silly British comedy with a taste of horror, you might just love this. Maybe. You’ll need to come at this one from the “comedy” angle and not get too wrapped up in it being a horror movie. 

Kevin’s Commentary

I wanted to hate this movie, but I kept laughing and enjoying it too much. It’s said that they started out making a serious movie but things went off the rails. Funny Man is foul and funny and keeps breaking the fourth wall. I had a good time watching this.

1977 Dracula’s Dog

* AKA “Zoltan, Hound of Dracula”

* Directed by Albert Band

* Written by Frank Ray Perilli

* Stars Jose Ferrer, Michael Pataki, Jan Shutan

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 27 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The premise sounds silly, and you might expect it to be funny. It manages to be a serious horror movie with a decent story, tension, and a body count. Reggie Nalder is perfect as the main villain in looks and persona. This is one worth checking out. 

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on some soldiers, looking generically communist, practicing shelling in the woods. “Stop blasting; we’ve uncovered a tomb.” They go down into the huge chamber. There are various crypts of members of the Dracula family. They post a guard and leave for the night. Sometime during the night, there’s an earthquake, and the guard hears noises in the chamber. Two of the tombs open and coffins slide out. The guard, never having seen a vampire movie, opens the lid and pulls out the stake that’s in the shroud covered body. Is it Dracula? No- it’s Dracula’s Dog! Credits roll. 

We flash back to Zoltan, the dog, back when he was alive. He was a good dog, defending his human owner when Dracula came to bite her. The barking woke up the woman, who screamed and drove the vampire away. The bat, however, bit Zoltan, turning him into a vampire-dog. The dog then pulls out yet another coffin and he pulls the stake out of that body. Zoltan doesn’t wake up Dracula, he wakes up his former owner, Veidt Smith, who says they must go find their new master. 

In the morning, the soldiers return with Inspector Branco, here to find out what happened to the almost dead guard. The soldiers carry out the various coffins and open one in front of the major and the inspector. It’s clearly a vampire tomb, and the whole countryside will be terrorized if this gets out. Worse yet, two of the coffins are empty. They burn the coffins and the mostly dead guard as well - he had a heartbeat but wasn’t breathing. 

Inspector Branco says Veidt Smith was more of a Renfield than a true vampire. They cannot exist long without their masters. There are no more vampiric Draculas, but there is a Michael Dracula living in America, and Veidt is most likely going to find him. He has no idea who was in the other empty coffin.

We cut to Veidt, aboard a ship, and we flashback to how he got hooked up with Dracula. He has Zoltan in a box in the cargo hold. Customs opens the crate to check for contraband, but there’s just a dead dog inside. Later, we see that Zoltan is vampire fine; he was just playing dead. 

Elsewhere, Michael Drake (He changed his name) and his wife, Marla, send their two kids to bed. They let the German Shepherd out for the night, and he’s a good dog too. They’re packing for an upcoming camping trip, and he makes sure to put his gun in the overnight bag.  

Zoltan gets on the roof and looks through the window at Michael, asleep in his bed. Veidt tells Zoltan to go in and turn him into a vampire, but a loose roof tile breaks and the Drakes’ dogs go berserk, waking everyone up. 

In the morning, the family, including the dogs, pack into the RV and leave the house in the hands of their neighbor, Mrs. Park. They don’t notice the big black Hearse following them. They get to the campground and the family frolics in the weeds. 

One of the puppies runs off and gets lost and everyone searches. When the sun sets, Veidt lets Zoltan out of his box. Zoltan soon finds the puppy and kills him. Zoltan’s about to eat the children too, but the German Shepherd runs him off. In the morning, they find the dead puppy. They take the puppy back to their campsite and bury it. 

Sometime during the night, the now-undead puppy crawls out of the grave. Zoltan finds a hiker and viciously tears him apart.  There’s another camper’s dog, and Zoltan turns him too. During the night, Zoltan and the other dog attack Michael outside the RV. 

At the airport, Inspector Branco arrives in the country and rents a car. He goes to the Drake house but only finds Mrs. Parks there. Between her and the park ranger, he works to track the family down.  

The following night, Annie, one of Michael’s dogs, encounters a pair of vampire dogs. All three dogs then attack Linda, Michael’s daughter, but she is rescued by other campers. The group hears dogs howling all around them. 

Inspector Branco shows up and explains why he’s there. Michael makes jokes; he doesn’t really believe he’s related to Dracula. Branco explains some details that make Michael remember fleeing from angry villagers when he was a child. Branco wants Michael to stay with him in a fisherman’s cabin and send the rest of the family home. 

As Branco explains to Michael how to kill a vampire, they hear scratching at the door. The dogs surround the place, even getting on the roof. Zoltan does, eventually get inside just as the sun rises. The dog runs back to his coffin without biting Michael. Branco wonders if that other coffin might have held a dog…

The next night, Branco and Michael go back to the original campground. Over at the Hearse, Veit tells Zoltan, “We cannot survive another night without a master.” Branco soon finds the skull-faced old minion, and they fight. Veidt loses badly and gets a stake. 

Three big dogs come after Michael, who rushes to raise the cloth-top convertible before they can get to him. One of the bad dogs is Annie, one of Michael’s former pets. Samson, the other good dog, runs up, and he lets it into the car. Samson, however, is faking the good-dog thing and attacks Michael inside the car as Zoltan and the others watch from outside. Michael ends up staking Samson. 

Branco and a hunter arrive to distract the dogs. He stakes the bad dogs, all except for Zoltan, who runs off into the woods pursued by Michael. Zoltan hypnotises Michael to drop the stake. Michael, however, is wearing a cross, and when Zoltan backs away, he falls off a cliff and is impaled far below. 

Branco and the hunters stay behind to burn the bodies while Michael goes home. Except… We cut to the vampire puppy, who’s been killing the rabbits in the woods. He’s got yellow glowing eyes. 

Brian’s Commentary

It’s a ridiculous concept that’s all played pretty straight here. The dog is always photographed so his eyes are glowing evilly, which is a nice effect. The real villain here is Veidt Smith, who looks like a walking skull. The actor looks halfway mummified without any special makeup. 

I seem to remember a lot of “wild dog pack” horror movies that came out around this time. This was one of them, but with a supernatural twist added. It’s a silly idea, but it’s not a terrible movie.

Kevin’s Commentary

 This had the potential to be stupid and funny. I was pleasantly surprised by how seriously this was taken, and how well it worked as a horror movie. It’s not a classic of cinema, but it holds up pretty well for entertainment. I’d recommend it.

1972 The Night Stalker

* Directed by John Llewellyn Moxey

* Written by Richard Matheson, Jeffrey Grant Rice, Max Hodge

* Stars Darren McGavin, Carol Lynley, Simon Oakland

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 14 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Before there was the TV series, there was this movie. Which was very much like a longer episode of the show to come, including his voice overs that give it a noir vibe. It’s very good, with Darren McGavin nailing the role as a journalist trailing a story of supernatural events that no one else really believes except him.

Spoilery Synopsis

We hear on a cassette recording that there’s been a huge coverup of this story. We cut to Las Vegas, where a woman walks home among the classic casinos. She goes down a dark alley and a man grabs her, bites her on the neck, and kills her. Credits roll. 

The coroner swears his associates to secrecy as there’s something very unusual about the girl's body. Carl Kolchak, a reporter, argues with his boss and gets assigned the story. He goes to Vegas to talk to Gail Foster, an old girlfriend and one of the dead girl’s friends. 

Not long after, there’s another murder. Sheriff Butcher already knows and dislikes Kolchak, but they check out another dead waitress. Kolchak leaps to some conclusions about the story, and he gets chewed out by Tony, his boss. 

There’s another victim, and Kolchak notices a pattern. All the police stop talking about the case. Friend Bernie promises to look into some things for Kolchak, who thinks the killer believes he’s a vampire. He gets a call from the doctor at the hospital. All the blood has been stolen from the blood bank. 

There’s a coroner’s inquest, and the coroner says the wounds look like those of animal bites; there’s also human saliva in the wounds. He also suspects that some serial killer out there believes he’s a vampire. Or maybe it’s just a guy who’s “high on pot.” They did get a vague description of the guy who broke into the blood bank. The district attorney demands that the reporters in the room keep quiet about the vampire angle. 

“Vampire Killer in Las Vegas” is the headline Kolchak turns in. There’s another victim, the fourth, but this time, there’s a witness, and his police composite winds up in the newspaper. We get a look at the killer this time, bloodshot eyes and all. Kolchak and Tony argue about whether they should report the news or not. 

Gail warns Carl that if he keeps it up he’s going to get fired again, and then she lists all the times he’s been fired. She’s got a book about vampires, and she makes him read it, just in case it’s a real vampire. He reads us the “rules” of vampires and how to kill them. 

The killer robs a blood bank again, and this time, the orderlies put up a fight. One of them is killed, and the killer does appear to have superhuman strength. The police arrive and shoot the man repeatedly, but he gets away. Kolchak is also there with his camera. 

The suspect is identified as Janos Skorzeny. The man is at least seventy years old. He’s got quite a history, going way back in history. Kolchak wants the police to proceed as if he were a real-life vampire. The cops all tell Kolchak to shut up. 

The police spot Skorzeny and follow him, and Kolchak hears about it on his radio. The cops shoot him some more, and they do not miss. Skorzeny runs off anyway. Yeah, Kolchak sees that Skorzeny’s a vampire. 

The police leadership finally decides to listen to Kolchak’s advice. That is, at least, until he gives it. He’s got crosses, stakes, and mallets. They all know he’s right, they just don’t want to admit it. 

One of Kolchak’s informants finds Skorzeny’s house, and Kolchak heads over there first, before the police find out. He knows better than to go there at night, but he’s in a time crunch and has to do it. He sneaks inside and finds bottles of blood in the fridge. He finds a coffin as well, and he photographs everything. Then he finds a living woman chained to a bed who has been being slowly drained of blood.

The vampire returns home and catches Kolchak. Carl, however, has a cross, and it works really well against the fanged vampire. At least until he clumsily falls down the stairs. Just as the vampire gets the best of Carl, Bernie comes in and distracts him. Finally, Carl pulls down the curtain, and the sunlight comes in. The two men gang up on the defenseless vamp and drive a stake into his heart. The sheriff comes in just as Kolchak drives the stake in. 

The next morning, Kolchak and Gail talk about getting married. His big news story will allow them to get married and move to New York, where he’ll work for a big-time newspaper again. He goes into the office and turns in the story. Tony accepts the story and says, “You’re one hell of a reporter.” 

Then the sheriff arrests Kolchak for murdering Skorzeny. They know he was right, but they want it all covered up, making it look like Skrozeny was just a “normal” serial killer. Kolchak has no choice but to leave town; the cops have even packed his bags. Gail has also already left town. 

We cut back to Carl, sometime later, who has narrated a book about the story on his cassette player. He mentions that Skorzeny, along with all his victims, were immediately cremated. We know why…

Brian’s Commentary

The vampire here is just a guy with fangs and bloodshot eyes. He never speaks though, which adds a lot to the mystery. 

Half of the story is Kolchak fighting against the authorities who just want to hush up the truth and protect their own image. This was the original influence behind the creation of “The X Files” and dozens of other supernatural TV series. This was a standalone movie, and it did really well, leading to a second movie and an eventual TV series, along with a failed reboot in 2005. 

I remember watching the series when it came out, and it’s a huge reason why I got addicted to horror stories. 

Kevin’s Commentary

This was great. Darren McGavin is perfect in the role and this is well written. It takes the supernatural and sets it realistically in the real world. It’s the precursor of another movie and series to come that was all really entertaining.

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A collection of not-so-recent films this time around. We’ll start with the very weird “Horns” from 2013 and then watch an old Italian film, “Night of the Devils” from 1972. “Rec 4: Apocalypse” wrapped up the series, at least so far, and we’ll talk about how that finished. We’ll tag along with some unfortunate Bigfoot hunters in 2012’s “Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes” and then finish up with the fact-based documentary “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” from 2012.

And, of course, we have more excellent short films for you!

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Mainstream Films:

2013 Horns

* Directed by Alexandre Aja

* Written by Keith Bunin, Joe Hill

* Stars Daniel Radcliffe, Juno Temple, Max Minghella

* Run Time: 2 Hours. 

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

There’s a murder mystery, and a guy with the abilities to solve it. This one is a lot of fun, with dark humor, action, and romance. We never find out why these things are happening to Ig, the main guy, but it doesn’t really matter. Just go with it.

Spoilery Synopsis

Ig Parrish narrates about how in love he was with Merrin Williams. We cut to him waking up on the kitchen floor after drinking too much. He’s got an amazing record collection, and he thinks of her. There are dozens of reporters outside with protestors, “You will burn in Hell!” and other signs. He’s accused of killing Merrin. 

He drives to his parents’ house, and the reporters follow him. Parents Derrick and Lydia are there, along with his brother Terry. They talk about Lee Tourneau, Ig’s lawyer. He still denies having anything to do with her death. Lee shows up; the lab that was processing the evidence for the case has burned down mysteriously. 

Ig goes to the local bar and talks to Glenna, who clearly likes him. That night, there’s a candlelight vigil for Merrin. Dale, Merrin’s father, thanks them all for coming. He blames Ig for the murder, too. Ig gets drunk, smashes the shrine, and pees on it. He later complains that everyone in town, when they saw him, saw the face of the devil. 

As Ig wakes up the next day next to Glenna, he’s got some bloody bumps on his forehead. Even as he looks in the mirror, the horns grow longer, and yes, Glenna can see them too. She starts acting weird, and then she starts eating all the donuts– strangely.

He goes to the doctor about the horns. There’s a woman there who wants to kick her own screaming child, or maybe abandon her. She wants to leave her husband. She tells him all her secret immoral desires. The receptionist just wants to scream at the mother, and he gives her permission. It seems that everyone wants Ig’s permission to do bad things, and they confess bad acts and bad thoughts. The nurse also overshares. The doctor mentions that every time he looks away from the horns, he forgets that they’re there. 

The doctor sedates Ig before cutting off the horns, and Ig dreams of his childhood with his friends and how he met Merrin. Ig does a crazy, risky stunt– he rides down a log trough in a shopping cart and nearly dies. Lee, however, ends up losing several fingers in the process of the chain of events. Young Ig shows Merrin to his treehouse in the woods, and they’re followed by Terry. Years pass, and they’re still together. 

Ig wakes up at the doctor’s office, and he’s still got his horns. The doctor and the nurse both got distracted by sex in the middle of the operation. Ig drives to the church to ask the priest what to do. The priest says he’d really like to just string Ig up and kill him. 

Ig goes to see Lee, but Lee doesn’t see the horns. “Maybe the horns don’t work on good people,” Ig wonders. He goes home to his mother, who sees the horns and wishes he’d gone somewhere else with his problems. She’s really tired of him making her feel bad. People just can’t help but to tell him the absolute truth. His father never doubted for a minute that Ig murdered Merrin; he had the lab burned down. 

Ig decides that maybe he can use his newfound “truth powers” to make the real killer confess. When the reporters get too close, he finds that he can do some pretty good “suggestions” as well. He goes to the bar and demands that anyone who knows anything about Merrin’s murder to speak up. He gets some random confessions and one guy who wants to expose his penis to the world. The bartender rants that he wants out and sets his own place on fire. 

We flash back to Ig buying a ring and going out with Merrin to a diner. Lee and Terry wonder if he’s not rushing into things. Merrin, on the other hand, says she’s moving to Los Angeles and they need to break up. She says she might be in love with someone else. They argue and split up just as Terry arrives. The next morning, the police arrest Ig for murdering Merrin. 

Ig goes to the diner and talks to Veronica the waitress, who admits lying to the police for attention. He then goes to the club where Terry is performing. Glenna admits she’s always had a crush on Ig, and she only stayed in town because of him. 

Terry, however, admits that Merrin left the diner with him, leading to another flashback. Terry and Merrin left the diner, but she got out of the car and left through the woods. He waited in the car until morning, when he found a bloody rock in his car. What did he do? He walked to the treehouse and found the body. Then he threw his bloody shirt and the rock in the river water and didn’t tell anyone. 

Terry still denies killing Merrin. The police show up and try to arrest Ig for fleeing the county. In the morning, Lee gets Ig out of jail again. Ig notices that Lee is wearing Merrin’s cross. Lee admits that he was the one Merrin wanted to run off with. 

Ig goes to see Dale, Merrin’s father. He doesn’t seem to see the horns either, but he freely admits that he’s still sure that Ig killed her. About this time, snakes start following Ig around. Ig tries to file down or break off the horns, but they’re really tough. He decides to use his new powers to find out the whole story. 

Ig returns to the diner and the lying waitress. She gets into her car, but so do a bunch of snakes. The snakes bite her repeatedly. He doesn’t get any new information, but a little revenge doesn’t hurt. He gets rid of the police using his power of suggestion, but with a lot less blood. Ig confronts Terry about not calling the police when he found the body; he never even tried to help Ig with the police. Ig tells him to take all his drugs, and he can’t help himself. Terry hallucinates all kinds of nasty things before he passes out. 

Ig calls Lee to meet him at the docks. They argue, and Ig pulls off Merrin’s cross. Now, Lee can see the horns. “I never meant to kill her.” When Ig grabs Lee, he gets a flashback to Lee and Merrin talking about her going away to California. We also see him follow Terry and Merrin in the car and then follow her into the woods. Lee started to kiss her, and she put up a fight. She had never been interested in Lee, but he’s been infatuated with her for years. He then beat her to death with a rock. 

In the present, Lee and Ig fight, and Lee gets the upper hand. “Love made devils of us both.” Lee puts Ig in his car and pours gasoline all over him. He then lights it up. Ig, on fire, drives off the dock into the water, and the car promptly sinks. 

Ig’s parents, in Terry’s hospital room, watch the police talk about Ig’s apparent suicide after he confessed murdering Merrin to Lee. His lawyer, Lee, was the only witness. However, we soon see Ig walking out of the ocean. His horns are longer, he’s charred, and his skin is now bright red. 

Ig stops by Dale’s house and tells him he knows who really killed Merrin. Ig offers Merrin’s cross to her father, but he gives it back. When Ig puts it on, he looks perfectly normal again.

Iggy goes back to the treehouse and finds a letter to him from Merrin, in Morse Code. She explains that she couldn’t marry him not because she didn’t love him but because she had terminal cancer. She didn’t want to put him through that. She only wanted him to hurt enough to break up, but she really wanted the best for him.

Ig goes to see Lee, who doesn’t remember his admission or even the fight from yesterday. Terry is there with a police officer; they know the truth now. Lee grabs the cops gun and kills him. Terry gets shot in the leg. Ig pulls off the cross, wanting his powers back, and he quickly gets them, fire and all. He’s the full-on Devil now. The Devil, by the way, is bullet resistant, which Lee soon learns. Lee still doesn’t stop, stabbing Ig with a pitchfork, which does some damage 

Lee looks around, and the snakes are everywhere. They crawl all over him and then… inside him. The Devil, on the other hand, is bleeding out from the pitchfork wound as Terry rushes over to help his brother. Ig dies. 

Ig and Merrin are together in paradise now… and forever. 

Brian’s Commentary

This was fun. The whole horns, snakes, and truth powers make it seem very much like Ig was guilty all along, but he still swears he didn’t do it. So what was all this for? It just gets weirder and weirder since we don’t actually know what’s going on. Even after the mystery is solved, we don’t get any explanation as to why Ig got those weird powers. 

It’s good, but I have a lot of questions at the end, like… Why?

Kevin’s Commentary

This was a unique way to solve a murder mystery. Like Brian said, we don’t find out why Ig grew horns and developed powers. The only choice is to go with it and enjoy the movie. And enjoy it, I did. This was my second viewing, and I liked it even better this time around.

2014 [REC] 4: Apocalypse

* Directed by Jaume Balaguero

* Written by Jaume Balaguero, Manu Diaz

* Stars Manuela Velasco, Paco Manzanedo, Hector Colome

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 35 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This was a direct sequel to the second movie and even brings in a little bit from the third prequel movie, so the series is tightened up a bit. They move out of the building in the first two movies and all the events take place on a ship in the middle of the ocean, still giving the element of isolation and being trapped. It loses some of the found footage element and switches to more of an action horror film. It’s quite good, a little step down from the first two movies.

Spoilery Synopsis

We hear a news reporter talking about an entire building being closed off due to a mysterious virus as credits roll. There may only be one survivor, a reporter who went in as the outbreak started. 

Guzman and Lucas move through the building planting devices as they go upstairs. They only have four minutes to evacuate, but they run into an infected fireman who slows them down. Two of their own men get bitten, and they shoot them. They hear someone upstairs, and it’s Angela. They don’t have much time and lead her outside to safety. Yes, this continues after the second film of the series as Angela, possessed by the demon, gets out. 

We cut to Angela in the hospital not long after, and she’s strapped to a table. Dr. Ricarte asks if she remembers anything, and she says she doesn’t. We see that she’s on a ship. Guzman is here as well. There's an old woman there, and she has no idea where she is. Angela breaks out of the infirmary, and the doctor authorizes the men to shoot if necessary. She runs into Guzman, and they both make it up to the deck but then the doctor comes up and says it’s OK, her tests are all clear.

Ricarte explains to Guzman that they are here to investigate the infection, and the boat is the best way to provide isolation. He says there was another outbreak at a wedding near Barcelona (the third film) but they’ve contained that one. 

Guzman talks to Captain Ortega, who runs the boat. Goro is the pilot who runs the bridge. The power blinks on and off; the boat is old. The power has been acting funny since the passengers came on board. There’s no communications either; the bosses shut all that down. Nick, the IT man, explains about the video camera they found. 

Guzman reconnects with Lucas and the senile lady, the sole survivor from the wedding. Guzman says the scientists are hiding something, why is there so much security? 

Nick repairs the camera and starts watching the video that Angela brought in her camera. He watches on the security cameras and tells Guzman that there are a bunch of cages in the lab, along with even more security. Meanwhile, the ship heads into a storm. 

Angela comes up to the bridge and is shocked to hear they have her camera. Nick says that in about an hour, he’ll have the whole tape decoded and readable. 

Meanwhile, down in the lab, someone reports “The host is gone!” Ricarte orders them to lock everything down and says someone let it out. At the same time, in the galley, a rabid-looking monkey attacks the cook. The monkey dies, but the cook is bitten. 

The old woman asks Lucas to talk to the cook; she’d like something special because she’s having trouble eating. The cook attacks Lucas, clearly infected. Up on the bridge, Goro starts feeling ill; he ate what the cook was making. Dr. Ricante says they have an antiviral that he wants to test on the cook. 

Guzman Tases the cook as Ricante injects him with the cure. Somehow, it only makes the virus stronger. Nick watches the outbreak spreading on the monitor. Lucas admits that he brought a blood sample from someone in the building, and that’s what they infected the monkey with. 

The captain and Nick lock themselves into the bridge while the engineer locks up the engine room. Guzman, Lucas, Angela, and the old woman try to make it to the bridge and end up fighting zombies. The engineer beats a zombie to death, but there’s damage to the ship. 

Guzman gets to the bridge and tells the captain to head home, but the engines are broken, so he can’t. He asks if Nick can hack into the scientists’ computers. In the lab, Ricante says they need the original strain in order to have any hope of making a cure. He’s about to set a timer for the self-destruct bomb when they start looking at the apartment footage. They read about the Medeiras girl who started all this and about her possession. They all see the original host infecting Angela with a big parasite/worm. That’s the source of the virus! 

Ricante comes to the bridge with armed men; he wants Angela, who doesn’t know what she’s got inside her. They explain the situation to Guzman, who tells them to take Angela. Someone opens the bathroom door and Goro comes out, infected, and attacks the soldiers. Angela uses the opportunity to escape. The captain runs off as well. 

Angela grabs an ax and starts smashing the video cameras so Ricante can’t find her. Nick callsher on the radio and says he’ll help her. Then she releases the cook from the freezer, and he wonders which side she’s on. 

Lucas and Guzman arm themselves with fishing tools. Angela grabs Ricante and says he’s wrong about her; she’s not infected. She bites him to prove it. He then tests his own blood and it’s clean– neither he nor Angela are infected. Ricarte says the parasite left Angela when it found a better host. 

As Angla accuses Guzman of being the host, Ricarte sets the 20-minute self-destruct. Guzman dumps Angela into a hold and then runs off. Lucas and Nick head for the engine room to start the backup engine and fight zombies along the way– with a motorboat engine. 

Dr. Ricarte runs into Nick; he’s got an inflatable life raft to get out before the ship explodes. Nick knocks out the doctor and then uses the boat motor to chew up the monkeys who have been harassing Angela. Except Guzman whacks Nick from behind and starts to put the parasite back into her. Nick sheets him before the parasite can make the whole transfer. 

Zombies chase Angela and Nick across the deck. They jump overboard and inflate the raft. Nick somehow brought the motor with him, and they drive away from the big ship just as it explodes and sinks. We see the parasite in the water, intact and still alive, go into a fish…

We cut to Nick and Angela in the back of a car. The driver looks back and says, “Some party, eh?”

Brian’s Commentary

Although the third movie didn’t feel like it was connected to the first two, this one included it in the plot, so that makes it a bit more official. This one doesn’t bother with the whole “Found footage” thing like the previous ones did, this is just a regular action movie. 

It’s a step down from the other three, but it’s not awful. It’s not bad enough to account for it being the end of the series. 

Kevin’s Commentary

I liked it quite a bit. I appreciate that they kept the feeling of isolation and being trapped by moving it to a ship, but it lost something knowing more about what’s going on and why. It’s less scare and tension and more action - and not the found footage method - so it’s different from the first two. It was still pretty good, not as good as the first three. They could easily make more.

1972 Night of the Devils

* AKA “La Notte Dei Diavoli”

* Directed by Giorgio Ferroni

* Written by Eduardo Manzanos, Romano Migliorini, Gianbattista Mussetto

* Stars Gianno Garko, Agostina Belli, Roberto Maldera

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 31 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s very similar to “Black Sabbath” from 1963, but it’s not considered a remake. They both draw from the same source story, "The Family of the Vourdalak" story by Alexey Tolstoy. We thought this movie was the better of the two, and it holds up pretty well for entertainment value. 

Spoilery Synopsis

After the credits, we open on a man stumbling through the field, obviously wounded. His clothes are all torn, and he soon passes out. He’s taken to the hospital and hooked up to a testing machine. He hallucinates skulls, exploding heads, and naked women getting their hearts torn out. 

The man survives, but has total amnesia; he may not even remember how to speak Italian. The tests don’t show anything wrong with him now that he’s rested and recovered. The Inspector comes by, but he has no idea who the man is. The doctor says the man is fine during the daytime, but he gets very agitated in darkness. 

A woman comes to the hospital and says she knows the man, whose name is Nicola. He came to town on business, and he seemed perfectly normal when she met him last week. Sdenka smiles when she sees Nicola in the hallway, and he gets terrified and fights the orderlies until they sedate him. Sdenka leaves, but forgets her purse. 

Nicola lies in bed and has a flashback. He’s driving his car out in the country and almost runs into a woman. When he gets out of the car to help she’s vanished, but the car’s broken. As he walks down the path, he hears weird howling and cries. Some gravediggers see him walking past the cemetery; there’s a funeral in progress. The body they bury is in a bloody white sheet. 

Nicola keeps walking and soon comes to a house. The man from the funeral arrives and says he just buried his brother. He invites Nicola to stay there overnight, and he’ll help with the car tomorrow. Everyone in the house closes and bars all the windows and doors as it’s starting to get dark outside. The old man’s son, Jovan, enters, and he’s surly; he might be able to fix the car when the sun comes up. Sdenka is there as well. 

The family hears someone pounding at the door, but the old man says it’s just the wind, but it’s obviously not. Sdenka mentions never having seen a television, which Nicola finds interesting. She shows him to a spare room, and he asks why the windows are barred; she just says not to open them at night under any circumstances. 

Jovan and his father argue over who’s fault their current situation is, and the old man says they need to watch out or they’ll all become the walking dead. 

Outside, the strange woman that Nicola saw earlier starts digging in that fresh grave. She cuts herself and bleeds into the grave. At the house, Jovan comes onto the dead man’s wife, his aunt. Nicola can hear the whole thing from his room. 

In the morning, the men help Nicola with his car, and they walk past the cemetery. The old man decides to go, “I cannot live with this curse any longer.”  Jovan says if the old man fails, it’ll destroy the whole family.  

The old man wanders into a barn where that silent woman has been hiding. She kills him. 

Back at the house, the little girl tells Nicola about the evil witch who lives in the woods; Grandpa went to kill her by piercing her heart with a stick. If Grandpa comes home after six o’clock, he will have become like her, and Jovan will have to kill him. Jovan, on the other hand, warns Nicola to leave as soon as he can… but then the clock strikes six, and the old man comes in, cut up, but apparently alive. “The curse has been broken,” he says. He even brought back the witch’s hand for proof. 

Nicola hears someone skulking around near the children’s bedroom, and Sdenka checks it out. Jovan thinks maybe Nicola was drinking a little too much.  Sdenka clearly likes Nicola and wishes he wouldn’t be leaving tomorrow morning. A sex scene arrives out of nowhere. 

In the morning, the car is fixed, but Jovan learns that little Irinia went off into the woods with Grandpa last night– after dark. Everyone goes out looking for her. Jovan realizes he should have killed the old man after all. Grandpa Gorca returns, and he’s not looking healthy anymore. The little girl is not with him. Jovan tears the old man’s shirt open, and he’s got a big wound. Jovan then impales the man through the heart until his eyes bleed. The old man dissolves as they all look on. 

We cut back to Nicola in the hospital, going mad remembering all this. 

Jovan explains to Nicola that he had no choice, but Nicola wants to bring in the police. Sdenka begs Nicola to forget the whole thing, but he gets in the car and leaves, driving past little Irina, who walks out of the woods toward the house. Elena hears Irina and runs to her. Irina is clearly dead now too, and she bites Elena on the neck. As Jovan comes looking for them, Elena sits up. 

Nicola goes to town, finishes his business, and talks to the man there about the ignorant, hard headed locals he met in the forest. He goes to see the policeman for the area, he was fired for being too superstitious. The man explains that it wasn’t murder, Gorca had become a vourdalak, an undead creature. This sort of thing happens fairly often in this area. He tells Nicola to go and take Sdenka away from that terrible place. 

Nicola does go back for Sdenka. He finds the house all messed up with no one home. Sdenka’s door opens, and she says everyone is dead. He wonders why she’s so cold and has blood all over her neck; she wants him to stay with her forever. He sees the others staring in the window at them. Nicola sees that he’s in a very bad position and slowly backs away. The car stalls not very far away, right next to the two little dead children. Yes, the whole family are vampires now. 

Everyone fights, and Nicola eventually kills Jovan, Vlaado, and Elena and then drives away, leaving the evil children behind. 

In the hospital, we see Sdenka sneaking around and eventually coming into Nicola’s room. She’s still in love with him. He runs into a maintenance room and works to get out of the straightjacket he’s in. He stabs her through the heart and she dies. The orderlies come in and grab Nicola, who swears he’s not a murderer. The doctor turns Sdenka’s body over, and she’s not decomposing like the others– she was alive after all– until Nicola killed her! 

Brian’s Commentary

This is clearly based on the same legend as the Vourdulak story from “Black Sabbath” (1963). It’s exactly the same story, but this one is much more fleshed out and detailed. It’s good!

Kevin’s Commentary

I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed this one. I think it added to it watching it in Italian with subtitles rather than a dubbed version. It moves well, and wasn’t too long. Thumbs up.

2012 Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes

* Directed by Corey Grant

* Written by Brian Kelsey, Bryan O’Cain

* Stars Drew Rausch, Rich McDonald, Ashley Wood

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 30 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

When a documentary crew teams up with a Bigfoot expert, things go south when it seems like they are the ones being hunted. But it’s a little more complicated than that as they try to figure out how to get out of their predicament. It’s on the low budget side, but well made and entertaining overall.

Spoilery Synopsis

Sean Reynolds comes out of the bank with money to finance his new Bigfoot documentary. Darryl Coleman is there to film the whole thing. Robyn will be the producer of the show. Sean is a skeptic, but Robyn believes all the “woo.” Curtis, on the other hand, is their regular sound guy, but he’s reluctant to go out and spend weeks in the woods. Camping in the woods is a “white folks thing,” so he refuses to go. He recommends Kevin go with them instead; Kevin is clueless and smells bad, but he agrees to go. 

They’re going to interview a guy in the woods who claims to have a dead Bigfoot body. Sean insists that they film at all times– “Fill those cameras up!” Kevin wakes up and he knows all about the guy with the Bigfoot as he’s become an Internet sensation.

Carl Drybeck’s land is way out in the country, and they get lost on the way there. Drybeck meets them in the woods after they get stuck. “We don’t want to be travelling after dark.” Sean pays him $75,000 to do the show with Drybeck, who insists on collecting their cellphones and making the crew wear black hoods over their heads. Yeah, he’s weird, creepy, and paranoid.

When they reach Drybeck’s camp, Kevin immediately insists that they’re all going to get hacked up by a serial killer. Robyn, however, gets started on her rituals to purify and welcome nature. She senses something large moving in the woods. Drybeck’s assistant LaRoche is there, and he looks suspicious. 

Drybeck explains that the wildlife has been getting aggressive at night, and he’s installed an electric fence. As they sit around the campfire, the old man tells them his best Bigfoot story. He tells about running into the 9-foot-tall monster many years ago. They hear branches cracking in the woods, and Drybeck insists they all go inside. 

Sean is skeptical, and he asks Drybeck some tough questions. Drybeck has theories as to why no one else has ever produced real proof of Bigfoot’s existence. Drybeck has done his own research about Sean’s trip to a mental hospital. 

Suddenly, the lights go out. “They’ve gotten to the generator,” yells Drybeck. They hear something growling outside the house. Everyone smiles and runs outside. They find the fence has been sabotaged with a large log thrown into the power cable. Sean and Darryl go to the van for more batteries, but a tree nearly falls on them, so they return to the cabin. Something outside bangs on the walls and everyone is terrified except Sean, who thinks it’s LaRoche out there. Everyone eventually goes back to their cabin for the night. 

Sometime in the morning, Drybeck drives off in his Jeep, leaving everyone in the camp. Sean insists that they can still get plenty of footage without him. They find a bad odor and really large scratches on the outside of the cabin, and Sean uses all this for the tapes. They also find footprints of both Bigfoot and… sneakers.

Robyn finds a Bigfoot nest, and Kevin freaks out and quits on the spot. Sean sets up game cameras on the nest and the footprint area. Everyone argues for a bit about staying; Sean agrees and wants Kevin to walk to the van and bring it to the cabin, while wearing a bodycam. 

Night falls, and neither Kevin nor Drybeck have returned. Robyn wants to go outside and do some kind of sage-smudging ritual. Everyone hears something in the woods, and Robyn gets a good scare as something drags her through the woods. 

Drybeck is there all of a sudden, and he yells for them all to get back to the cabin. Sean immediately accuses Drybeck of doing all this. LaRoche has been attacked, and Drybeck has been trying all day to get him to a hospital; there’s no way out on the road. There’s more arguing. They get their cellphones back, but no one has reception. Darryl drives Drybeck’s car, but all the roads really are blocked. 

In the morning, Drybeck offers to take them to town on the back road, and they can stop where he’s stored the dead sasquatch. He shows them a preserved finger in a jar. Robyn talks to Drybeck alone, and she feels that the sasquatch was trying to protect her from something. “What are they protecting us from?” He makes light of that. 

Robyn locks herself in the cabin with LaRoche while the men hike the trail that Drybeck takes them to. LaRoche wakes up long enough to mention that there’s a camera out his car, and she watches a video that Kevin made as he walked to the car. Kevin is brutally killed on camera. She rushes outside and starts the generator that powers the electric fence. 

Drybeck explains that the body is hidden in a sea cave and is only accessible at low tide; he’s very paranoid. They get to the box that holds the body, but Drybeck hears something and goes to investigate. Drybeck rushes them out, saying “They’ve broken through!” Darryl sees something huge, but it’s not clear. 

Back at the cabin, something pulls LaRoche through the window, and Robyn gets out Darryl’s gun and waits. She runs to the car, but something kills her and drags her away before she can get there. 

In the woods on the way back to the cabin, Sean and Darryl watch as Drybeck is impaled way up high in a tree. Sean and Darryl are a lot less skeptical after that. When they get back, all they find of Robyn is the gun.  Darryl grabs a shotgun and runs off into the woods, crazy, and when he comes back he shoots himself in the head, not completely effectively. 

Sean is alone now. He sees a really bright light outside along with the roaring. “People need to know!” He shouts. He looks out the window and sees Bigfoot, which he describes for the camera. Except the light shining in the windows is awfully bright. He opens the door and shouts, “It’s not a Bigfoot! It’s not a Bigfoot!” and we see something with green eyes get him. 

Brian’s Commentary

The trailer for this one wasn’t promising. The budget is fairly low, but otherwise, it’s really well done. It could be a hoax or maybe not all the way up to the last few minutes, and even then, we’re left wondering what the full story was. And no, we never do get a good look at the creatures. 

It’s pretty good!

Kevin’s Commentary

I appreciated that they added another layer of depth to it by not just having Bigfoot be real. Which is the problem with cryptids and aliens and so forth. If one was really real, any or all of them could be. They made a lot out of what they had to work with, and it’s pretty entertaining. I enjoyed it.

2012 Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter

* Directed by Timur Bekmambetov

* Written by Seth Grahame-Smith

* Stars Benjamin Walker, Rufus Sewell, Dominic Cooper

* Run Time: 1 Hour, 45 Minutes

* Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s pretty cool how they work real people and real history events into a vampire story. At least loosely based on the real thing. This is full of action, and violations of the laws of physics, and was pretty entertaining even on our second viewing.

Spoilery Synopsis

It’s April 14, 1865. Abraham Lincoln, President, writes in his journal about his struggle with darkness. He leaves his entire written record of his life to his friend, Henry… 

We flashback to Abe’s childhood as his black friend, Will, is abused by his owner. His whole family is against slavery, and his father gets fired because of it. The boss, Mr. Barts, is creepy. 

Abe watches as Mr. Barts comes into their cabin one night, and the next day, his mother gets ill from a strange disease of the blood. She soon dies. 

Nine years later, Abe still wants revenge. Abe listens as Mr. Barts talks to Adam, one of his associates, who says they “have a lot of mouths to feed.” Abe shoots Barts, but his gun jams. The second shot works just fine– except Barts isn’t human! Barts, now with huge fangs, attacks Abe, but runs off when Henry grabs him from behind. 

In the morning, Henry explains that he’s a vampire hunter, and he wants to recruit Abe as one as well. They have a whole conversation about vampires being real. Abe’s weapon of choice is an ax. He teaches him that real power comes from truth not from hate. He also explains all the rules of fighting vampires. Abe practices heavily with his ax as he learns the ways of the vampire hunters. 

Abe learns that vamps hate silver and mirrors. Sunlight isn’t a big deal, they can be out during the day. He learns about Vadoma and Adam, who made all the vampires. Also, most of the South is run by vampires, and they need to keep the monsters at bay. In 1837, Abe goes to Springfield to do his job. He gets a job with Joshua Speed, a storeowner and meets Mary Todd, whom he immediately likes. 

It doesn’t take long before Abe encounters his first vampire, who gets the drop on Abe. Abe gets captured and tied up, but uses his ninjalike powers to kill the monster and bury it in the woods. 

Joshua and Abe get invited to a ball, and Mary is there as well. She says she’s been waiting for someone with an adventurous life. 

Abe soon learns that vampires are just about everywhere, so he keeps really busy. He tells Mary about his night job, and she laughs at his joke. They get really close, but Abe always remembers Henry’s warning not to have friends or ties to people. 

Down South, in a big plantation, Adam and Vadoma read the news about six headless bodies being found. It must be one of Henry’s disciples. 

Abe gets reacquainted with Will, who has been freeing slaves and got into trouble with the law. They quickly both wind up in jail, but Mary gets her father to help. Afterward, Abe starts giving speeches and working on being a lawyer– and maybe even politics. 

Henry warns that Barts knows about Mary, and he’s likely to hurt her to get back at Abe. As they battle, Bart literally swings a horse around to his Abe. In an epic battle in a herd of wild horses, the two men demonstrate their abilities. Abe shows that his ax has more than one way to kill, and he makes Bart pay for what happened to his mother. 

It’s all going well until Abe learns that Henry, too, is a vampire. He gets a flashback to Henry’s origin story. He ran into Adam and his crew alone on the road and Adam himself beat Henry and turned him. Henry learned right away that it was simply impossible to kill his own kind; “only the living can kill the dead.” Abe leaves Henry alone on the street, not killing him. 

Abe and Mary get married. Will, Henry, Joshua, and everyone is there. Elsewhere, Adam sees Barts’s body and wants Abe’s head. They kidnap Will and insist that Abe meet them. On the way to New Orleans, he lets Joshua in on the whole vampire thing. 

In New Orleans, they notice that there aren’t any slaves. Where are they? They soon learn; black folks make good eating for vamps. Abe goes in alone to save Will, and the place is crawling with vampires. He kills a bunch of them until Adam and Vadoma get the best of him. Adam explains just how old he really is. Adam actually wants to turn Abe against Henry. 

It’s all looking very grim until Joshua drives in on a horse drawn carriage and breaks everyone free. Abe, Joshua, and Will make their way to the Underground Railroad, where they eventually get back up North. 

Abe debates Senator Douglas, who is pro-slavery. Henry says freeing the slaves would be bad, since the slaves are all that keep the vampires at bay. Abe decided to go into politics to work on the larger issues, eventually becoming President of the United States. 

Civil War breaks out, and Abe frees the slaves. Vadoma sneaks into the White House and talks to Willie, Abe’s young son. Soon after, Willie has a blood disease that Abe is very familiar with. He dies, but Mary wants Henry to bring him back from the dead. She knows all about Abe’s history against the undead. 

Meanwhile, in the South, Adam pledges vampiric support to Jefferson Davis, the President of the Confederacy. Vampires are more or less unstoppable on the Gettysburg battlefield. 

Abe sets up a “silver drive” to make enough silver bullets for the army. He also opens up his case and retrieves his dusty silver ax. He, Will, and Joshua board the arms train and wait to defend it. Henry shows up to warn them that Joshua has betrayed them all; the vampires are on the train. 

Will is attacked and kills several vampires with silver bullets, but there are plenty more on the roof. Will and Abe work together to kill vamps. Finally, Adam himself gets into the fight, and he’s way tougher than the others. He bites Abe until Henry gets involved. 

Meanwhile, Vadoma sets the bridge on fire ahead of the train. Adam looks for the silver on the train, and there isn’t any. The whole train is a trap; Joshua didn’t betray them at all. 

The train goes over the bridge, and it all gets a bit ridiculous. Just a little. Until Adam dies and Henry saves Abe and Will from certain death. Will explains that the silver actually all came to the front on the Underground Railroad…

Mary spots Vadoma in the soldier’s camp and shoots her with little dead Willie’s silver toy. The soldiers use the silver to defeat the vampire army. 

We cut to some time later, when Abe gives a speech; the war is over. The vampires have all fled America. Henry suggests how much Abe could do with limitless time, but has to leave for the theater and hands his book over to Henry. “Vampires aren’t the only things that live forever,” Abe tells Henry. 

We cut to the present, where Henry is still recruiting vampire hunters in the modern day… 

Brian’s Commentary

The whole concept is a joke, but the movie is mostly played seriously– except for the over-the-top superhero antics of Abe. The vampires, with their huge CGI fangs, look fairly cool. The very juicy slow-motion battles are a lot of fun too, but aren’t even remotely believable. 

This is more of a superhero film than a horror movie, but it’s still fun!

Kevin’s Commentary

It’s heavy on action and makes Abe Lincoln seem superhuman. So heavy on action that it overshadows the horror, but it was pretty entertaining. This was my second viewing, and I still enjoyed it.

Short Films:

2008 Short Film: Next Floor

* Directed by Denis Villeneuve

* Written by Jacques Davidts, Phoebe Greenberg

* Stars Simone Chevalot, Luc-Martial Dagenais, Kennether Fernandez

* Run Time: 11 Minutes

* Watch it:

What Happens

A group of people gather for dinner. As the servers present the food, we see that this is the gourmet version of everything, even some really strange animals. The various people seated around the table get more and more excited, eating faster and faster. 

Where will this gluttony end? To what depths will they go for their appetites?

Commentary

Other than the head waiter, no one speaks in this. You just have to watch to see where it leads, just like the waiter. 

This was an early film by now-superstar Denis Villeneuve, and it was clear even then that he was very talented. It’s well shot, well paced, looks great, and it’s weird enough you’re always left wondering.

2018 Short Film: The Cost of Living

* Directed by Tom Nicoll

* Written by Zach Newby, Tom Nicoll

* Stars Lorna Nickson Brown, Jonathan Coote, Liam Harkins

* Run Time: 4:27

* Watch it:

What Happens

Tess closes the door on Graham, the landlord’s face. They can’t afford the place since her boyfriend lost his job. He points out that at least Graham hasn’t raised their rent, so he’s not such a bad guy. Graham, however, waits outside for Tess to leave the apartment. Maybe he’s not such a good guy…

Commentary

Oh. I did not see that coming– but I guess Tess did!  

How far would you go to pay the rent?

It’s short, it’s very clear what’s going on, and it’s all very well done.  I liked it!

2023 Short Film: Pablo, Honey

* Directed by Jamie Yuan

* Written by Jamie Yuan

* Stars Charles Craddock, Christopher Dunne, Lindsay Santoro

* Run Time: 10:38

* Watch it:

What Happens

Emma talks about how lonely she had been getting before she finally met her new boyfriend, Pablo. Her life is much better now, thanks to him. She’s out of work and running low on funds, so she needs to get a roommate, which displeases Pablo, who wants Emma all to himself. There’s an additional problem since Pablo isn’t human…

Commentary

It’s very well-filmed. The stuff in Emma’s apartment flies around with perfectly comic timing, and I laughed a few times. I saw the ending gag coming a mile away, but the presentation was still hilarious. Definitely worth a watch!

Contact Info:

Email: 

* mailto:[email protected]

Websites: 

* https://www.horrorguys.com 

* https://www.horrorweekly.com

* https://www.horrormonthly.com

Nosferatu finally came to streaming this week, so we’ve got the full synopsis for you, although we’ve already told you our first thoughts in previous episodes of the podcast. We watched the original “Rec” (2007) nearly two years ago, but this week, we watched the sequels, “Rec 2” (2009) and “Rec 3” (2012). Continuing the mini-theme of sequels, we then watched “Bride of Chucky” (1998) and “Hellraiser VIII: Hellworld” (2005).

And, of course, we have more excellent short films for you!

The latest issue of “Horror Monthly” is now on sale! Check out all the back issues, as well as our other books, with one easy link:

https://horrormonthly.com

Mainstream Films:

2024 Nosferatu

· Directed by Robert Eggers

· Written by Robert Eggers, Henrik Galeen, Bram Stoker

· Stars Lily-Rose Depp, Nicholas Hoult, Bill Skarsgard

· Run Time: 2 Hours, 12 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s a remake of a silent classic that was hit-and-miss for us. We saw it at the theater and are reviewing from a second viewing at home. It’s visually impressive, and the cast does a fine job. The story and script didn’t give us enough of anything new. We thought the beginning was strong, a bit dull for a long stretch, and then a strong finish.

Spoilery Synopsis

Ellen sits up and prays, “Come to me. Hear my call.” Something hears her. “You wakened me from an eternity of darkness. You are not for the living. You are not for humankind,” it says. She walks outside, and she swears to love him. Then she has a weird seizure/orgasm as credits roll.

Years later, in 1838 Germany, Ellen talks to Thomas; they are newlyweds. She’s dreamt about “him” again. He’s a workaholic, and he really wants a promotion at the real estate firm. Mr. Knock has a special job set up for him; he’s been dealing with a foreign count who wants to buy a house here in town. The old count asked to buy an old ruin, and he’s paying top dollar. The catch is that Thomas needs to go to Transylvania to get the count to sign the paperwork. The money is good and a promotion is hinted at, so Thomas really has no choice. Count Orlok will be waiting for Thomas’s arrival.

Ellen is moody and needy and weird, and she doesn’t want Thomas to leave so soon after the wedding. She’s had a weird dream wherein she married Death and was happy about it. He tells her never to talk about these things, as people will think she’s mad. “It portends something awful for both of us.”

Thomas’s wealthy shipping friend Harding congratulates Thomas on his new position. He brags that he has three children - two little girls and a boy on the way, and he’ll be taking care of Ellen while Thomas is away. She suffers from “melancholy.” We cut to Mr. Knock, who is doing some kind of demonic ritual; he’s clearly both insane and working dark magic.

It’s a long way to Transylvania, and the local gypsies confuse Thomas. They don’t even want to hear Orlok’s name. He stays in the inn overnight, and everyone there is weird. An old woman warns Thomas to avoid Orlok’s shadow; it has a mind of its own.

That night, Thomas snoops and watches the locals go to a vampire’s grave and drive a stake into its heart. In the morning, the entire village has cleared out and taken his horse with them– he has to walk the rest of the way to the castle. At midnight, he encounters a silent black carriage that takes him the rest of the way there.

The count is odd, and Thomas is afraid of him from the very beginning. He wants to get right down to business and sign the paperwork. He’s a slow, wheezy old man, but he moves suspiciously fast at times. He tells the count about what he saw last night, and the count gets annoyed. When he accidentally cuts himself, Orlok gets excited, and Thomas gets really frightened.

We cut to Helen talking to Anna, and she’s all morbid. “I’m not mad, Anna. My heart is lost without Thomas.”

Thomas wakes up in the morning, and the castle is deserted. Thomas explores and finds that he’s got a bite on his chest. Rats, maybe? That night as the two men finish signing the paperwork, Orlok wants to see a photo of Thomas’s wife and sniffs it all over.

Thomas finds another bite on his chest and runs through the castle. The Count has refused to let him leave, but now he finds himself alone in the huge old place. Eventually, he finds a cellar with a big tomb inside. He finds Orlok inside, but the count looks dead. Thomas raises a pick above his head and tries to impale the count, who wakes up and sics his wolves on Thomas. We soon see the count sucking the blood out of Thomas’s chest. Thomas wakes up and jumps out the window, falling into the river below.

Orlok sniffs the locket again and commands Ellen to dream only of him. She gets so upset that Harding calls in Dr. Sievers to treat her; he says she has too much blood and that Harding should tie her to the bed. Harding warns Ellen that Thomas has gone missing, and Mr. Knock has vanished as well. Harding is getting tired of Ellen’s whininess and morbidity.

At Dr. Siever’s asylum, a new patient comes in. We recognize Mr. Knock, who has been killing animals and eating them raw. Knock talks about “His Lordship” and how he serves his master. “He is coming.” Meanwhile, Ellen continues to have seizures, or “hysterical spells” as Harding and the doctor discuss. Sievers recommends contacting Professor Eberhart von Franz, who is brilliant but was discredited when he became obsessed with the occult.

We see Thomas being found by a group of nuns who take him to a temple and start taking care of him. They know of Orlok and his shadow, and they say he’s safe with them. Thomas, however, knows that Orlok is heading to find Ellen.

Sievers and Harding visit Professor von Franz. Thomas leaves the temple. The ship that Orlok is sailing on experiences some personnel issues as he feeds on the crew.

Von Franz talks to Ellen, and he orders that she not be sedated anymore. She’s always been a little psychic, and she gives examples. She used to get visions and night wanderings, and those went away when she met Thomas, but they returned as soon as he left. The old doctor “bleeds” Ellen. As the doctor questions Ellen, she goes all “Exorcist”-y in front of everyone.

At the asylum, Knock escapes at the same time that Orlok’s ship arrives. Thomas arrives in town as well, but he collapses as soon as he arrives. Harding gets called to the dock where the ship has crashed, and he watches zillions of rats disembarking. “It’s a plague ship!” Sievers examines the bodies and concurs, though is puzzled about the lack of blood. Von Franz has some ideas.

Orlok sends Knock to kill Thomas, who wasn’t supposed to live. “She must willingly repledge her vow.”

Orlok soon visits Ellen in the night. “I am an appetite; nothing more.” He blames her for waking him from the grave. He also explains that he tricked Thomas into signing divorce papers to free Ellen so she can be with Orlok. She says she hates him, so he promises to make her suffer for three nights where he will kill everyone she loves. Ellen wakes up to find that Anna’s been attacked by rats; her torment is just beginning.

At the hospital, Sievers deals with the plague, which has affected the entire city. He and von Franz search Knock’s office and find a bunch of occult stuff there.

When Ellen tries to talk to Harding about Anna’s issues, he’s had enough of her loony crap and tells her and Thomas to leave the house. She tells him how it is, but that just makes her look even crazier.

Von Franz admits that he’s never met a Nosferatu before, but he’s read all about them. This does not impress Harding who thinks the old scientist is crazy as well. Harding is convinced that all their troubles are due to the plague and the rats, but von Franz warns him that he’s misguided.

Ellen tells Thomas that this is all her fault. She invited Orlok in her dreams. She tells him about calling out for him in the pre-credit sequence. She puts on quite a display for Thomas, which leads to crazy sex for some reason.

Across town, Orlok kills Harding’s whole family. The funeral takes place surprisingly quickly, and Harding finally starts to listen to Thomas’s stories.

Von Franz explains the plan to kill Orlok, and all the characters are included. Later in the afternoon, Harding goes to the family tomb and finds something unpleasant and then dies from the plague. Von Franz remains behind and burns all the bodies.

Thomas, von Franz, and Siebert break into Orlok’s new estate and search for Orlok. Instead, they find Knock and a zillion more rats. Von Franz burns him as well, saying that Orlok is going after Ellen.

Back at the house, Ellen has dressed up in a bridal gown for when Orlok arrives, and he doesn’t keep her waiting. She accepts him of her own free will, which is what he was waiting for. She climbs into bed, and he gets undressed and follows her. He’s all rotting, deformed, and decomposing, but he bites her and drinks until sunrise. He looks up at the sunrise, and Ellen encourages him to have seconds. Soon, his purpose fulfilled, Orlok dies just as Thomas comes in.

Thomas looks at Ellen, who is also dead. Von Franz says that her willing sacrifice has broken the curse of Nosferatu.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s essentially a remake of the original “Nosferatu” from 1922 with some modernizations. Nosferatu, originally, was an unofficial adaptation of the original “Dracula” novel with only a few minor changes. This, surprisingly, is the thing that worked against the film for me– we’ve seen this exact story too many times, and that made it really, really dull. When I heard this was coming out, I mistakenly assumed the story would be a new take on the creepy, bald 1922 movie character, but it wasn’t.

This version of Orlok has little resemblance to the original movie version, which is unfortunate. This one is tall, has half a head of hair, a huge bushy mustache, and shows visible signs of rotting and decay. There have been uncounted jokes about the mustache, but, although silly-looking today, is straight from the book.

The promotional material all made a big deal about Orlok being played by Bill Skarsgard, but he’s completely unrecognizable here. Nicholas Hoult is excellent here as Thomas, and he’s appropriately terrified as needed. Ellen is really the weak point here, she’s weird and apparently unstable from the very first scene. Lily-Rose Depp definitely puts on a performance here, but I’m not convinced it was a good one. Willem Dafoe chews the scenery as the Van Helsing character, and he’s always fun to watch.

The visuals are incredible. Everything is dark, but there’s still somehow some color to everything. The city, castle, and houses are all very well done.

Again, the problem here is the too-often-rehashed story itself. I think the first fifty minutes are absolutely excellent, but once we leave Orlok’s castle, it’s just a long string of dullness with a good five minutes at the end.

Kevin’s Commentary

It would be easier for me to just say, “What Brian said.” I agree almost completely. Though seeing it the second time, I’ve decided I’m impressed with the performance from Lily-Rose Depp. It’s beautiful to look at. I did enjoy it more on my second viewing, but I still didn’t love it.

2009 [Rec] 2

· Directed by Jaume Balaguero, Paco Plaza

· Written by Jaume Balaguero, Manu Diaz, Paco Plaza

· Stars Jonathan D. Mellor, Manuela Velasco, Oscar Zafra

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 25 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This one picks up right after the first movie ends, with more people going into the building to find out what happened. There’s an expert and more police on the case, but of course the possessed are still a problem. We learn a little bit more about what’s caused all this. It’s on par with the first movie in every way. We thought it was very good.

Spoilery Synopsis

We watch a SWAT team preparing to enter the apartment building from the first film. Larra, Rosso, Martos, and the Chief suit up in the back of the truck and make jokes. They’re told it’s some kind of contagious infection, but not more than that. When they arrive at the plastic-sealed apartment, there’s a huge crowd gathered outside. They introduce the men to Dr. Owen, who wants to go inside and investigate. They are told there are at least two dead inside. Credits roll.

The men get inside and find blood all over the entryway. Dr. Owen immediately takes his mask off and says it’s not airborne, the disease comes through blood and saliva. The gas masks were just for show to keep things quiet outside.

The heavily armed men climb the stairs up to the top and use the battering ram on the last door. This is the weird lab from the earlier film and he plays the tape. They also find a trap door going to the attic, but there’s nothing up there. They hear noises, music, and screams from below; the men check it out against Owen’s orders. Martos is attacked by a zombie woman, and everyone freaks out. When they come in, Martos attacks them– he turns very quickly. Owen holds him at bay with a Latin prayer, which isn’t particularly medical. He then traps him in a room by hanging a rosary on the door.

The rest of the men want to leave; this is not how a virus works. The chief wants answers, but Owen explains that it’s a demonic virus, and the church agrees. But it’s also a virus. The church was experimenting, and this place was considered “discrete.” Owen reveals that he’s really a priest, not from the Department of Health at all. “This is a secret operation.” The building is filled with possessed people, “Demons.” Chief is not pleased.

Owen explains that they need to find the source of the virus; the original girl the old doctor was experimenting upon. Once they have her blood sample, they can leave. Then they spot a child crawling around on the ceiling, and the chief orders, “Relax everyone; take it easy.” The child returns, and Owen shoots it in the head.

Larra goes into the ductwork to find the original girl, but finds a whole slew of infected children. They get some blood from the dead child, and Owen experiments on it; it reacts badly to his cross and is ruined.

The group then spots some teenagers with a camera on a lower floor and goes to investigate that. Before they find them, they’re attacked by a large group of zombies and they are forced to hide in one of the apartments. Larra gets separated from the group, and he has a rough time of it. He eventually goes insane and shoots himself.

The chief wants to leave, but Owen refuses to open the voice-locked door. They still need to find the Madeiros girl for a blood sample. They find another little girl, and she’s gone “full Exorcist,” calling them names and it’s clear that the main demon speaks through this one. She’s hard to hold, and they end up shooting her too.

We cut to three teens playing with a sex doll. They tape some fireworks to its back to make “her” fly like a jetpack; it doesn't work. Suddenly, they notice helicopters and police all over the building, and they run off. They see the nearby building covered in plastic with SWAT all over the place. They watch Owen and the others go inside.

Tito, Ori, and Mire think this is all really cool, and sneak into the building through a sewer pipe. They find a gun laying on the floor; that’s unexpected. They hear shooting and run into a fireman and civilian inside. The exit through the sewer has been welded shut, so they can’t get out the way they came in. They’re soon attacked, and Tito sticks one of his rockets inside the zombie’s mouth.

The fireman gets too close to the window and gets wounded by a sniper. The civilian man gets bitten. Everyone runs, and then they hear shooting from above. They see the SWAT team a few floors above them and hide in one of the apartments. They find Martos’s helmet, and turn on the helmet camera. They find the door with the rosary and open it. He attacks, Mire picks up the gun and shoots– the fireman. She also shoots Martos, but then the SWAT guys come in.

Owen wanted to use Martos to talk to the main demon, but he’s dead. Tito, however, has been bitten, so maybe he'll do. He turns very quickly, and they lock him in the room where they had Martos.

As they all fight with him, Angela, from the previous film, walks in, still holding her video camera. She’s in shock, but doesn’t seem possessed. She tells Owen what she knows, but they already know most of that.

Owen interrogates Tito, and the demon speaks. Owen figures out that the Madeiros girl, the original victim, may be invisible to normal eyes; that’s how Angela was able to see her through the night-vision camera.

They all march back up to the penthouse, this time, only using night vision. They can see a door that wasn’t there before. They soon find the monstrous girl, and something kills the chief. Owen, Angela, and Rosso the cameraman look for the creature in the dark. Owen’s radio goes off, and it attacks him; Angela blows its head off.

Angela has had enough and kicks the crap out of Owen; she demands that he give the order to open the door– at gunpoint. When Rosso says she can’t shoot Owen, she shoots Rosso. Owen figures out that the demon is inside Angela, and has been since they met her. She kills Owen and uses the radio, in his voice, to order the men outside to open the doors for one survivor, a woman.

We get a flashback to what happened immediately after the first film ended. The parasite demon, or whatever it was, moved from the monster into her.

Brian’s Commentary

It begins right at the end of the first film, so it’s clearly a direct sequel. We didn’t see Angela die at the end of the first film, we just assumed. I like that we get the first half of the story from two different groups’ points of view. The number of characters is small, so we can always tell who’s who after the initial crew gets narrowed down a bit.

It’s all very tense, and almost as good as the original.

Kevin’s Commentary

It was cool how it picked right up from the end of the previous movie and continued smoothly onward. It was as good as the first one in every way, and I really enjoyed it.

2012 [REC] 3: Genesis

· Directed by Paco Plaza

· Written by Luiso Berdejo, Paco Plaza, David Gallart

· Stars Leticia Dolera, Diego Martin, Ismael Martinez

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 20 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is presented as a prequel to the first two REC movies. While it is a decent zombie flick, it doesn’t have a solid connection to where the REC movies start out. It could be a stand alone movie on its own, and we speculate that maybe it was intended that way and they forced a connection by slapping on the title. We’d recommend it for being a quite good movie, but it was lacking as far as filling in some more information on the REC story.

Spoilery Synopsis

We watch a DVD montage of footage of Clara and Koldo’s wedding. We cut to the actual wedding, where Koldo’s cousin Adrian records everything. Another cameraman, Atun, talks about his steadicam that he uses for shooting, it’s much better than Adrian’s cheap camcorder. Inside, Clara’s sister records her in the wedding dress. Clara says she has a secret, and then the camera cuts out. At the wedding, Uncle Tio has a wound on his hand; he says he got bitten by an animal at work, but he seems fine.

Clara arrives at the church, and the wedding proceeds as expected. After the vows, Koldo sings to his new bride, and everyone cheers. Then it’s time for the reception, and it all looks very nice and expensive, but without alcohol. Uncle Victor starts looking a little green around the gills, but he’s still smiling. Clara almost tells Koldo her secret, but they get interrupted. They cut the wedding cake with a big sword.

As Adrian interviews a guy named “SpongeJohn,” he notices Victor vomiting outside. A police car drives up outside. Inside, Koldo and Clair dance. As the dance goes on, Uncle Victor takes a header over the upstairs railing and falls down. When he gets up, he bites a woman and kills her. He’s a zombie! Things get real crazy real fast as suddenly half the guests start attacking each other. Credits roll, 22 minutes in.

Koldo beats up Atun and breaks his camera as the small group barricades themselves in the kitchen. Some of them make it out through a vent shaft, but Atun is too big and waits to be eaten. The group gets outside and runs to the police car, but it’s too late for that guy. Koldo, Tita, and Adrien run off into the woods, pursued by all the zombies. They run to a smaller church where some survivors have holed up. They can hear Clara on the PA, and she says she’s OK. She tells him that she’s pregnant in front of everyone. Koldo sees antique weapons and armor in the corner and gets an idea.

The old priest hiding with Clara says this is all the beginning of the end. Clara uses a firehose to climb out the window, but the old priest is in shock. Koldo and another man go inside, just missing Clara and the old man. Clara finds Raga and his girlfriend having sex downstairs; they’re oblivious to what’s been going on. The priest is attacked, but he chants some Catholic Latin and the zombies all freeze and stop the attack.

Koldo watches over security cameras as the dead attack a busload of people outside. The zombies look like ancient dead bodies in their mirror reflections, so maybe some kind of possession is involved.

Clara, Natalie, and Rafa run into SpongeJohn in the hallway, and he’s got a gun. Natalie gets eaten quickly, but the others make it outside. Clara encounters her mother outside, and she’s clearly a monster now. SpongeJohn shoots her before being eaten himself.

Rafa and Clara hide in a cellar as more zombies arrive. Koldo turns up “their song” on the PA, so Clara knows he’s still alive. She says she’s not leaving without her husband, picks up a chainsaw, and cuts off the long long dress. She’s ready for battle!

Inside, Kolda encounters Uncle Victor who started it all. Victor dies hard. Kolda eventually finds that sword again, and it goes really well with his armor.

Clara can’t get the chainsaw started, but that doesn’t stop her from beating up three of the zombies with it until she can finally get it going. She does great, although Rafa gets bitten and soon turns evil. She cuts his head off.

Clara and Koldo connect, but he’s upstairs, above a locked gate. It’s all very tense as he rushes to open it before the zombies get Clara. Finally, they have a tearful reunion and kiss. At least until the zombies break into the room from three different directions at once. Before they can die, the old priest comes in over the PA and recites a prayer that brain-locks the zombies long enough for the couple to get outside.

Clara and Koldo walk through the horde of zombies. Even the ones outside seem heavily distracted by the audio prayer. Old deaf Grandpa’s hearing aids don’t work, so he can’t hear the prayer; he bites Clara, and she goes bad fast. She begs Koldo to pick up the sword and cut her arm off. She can see the infection spreading up toward her elbow. He lops it off and makes a tourniquet with his tie.

The couple makes it to the gate and finds the whole place has been sealed in plastic; they can’t get out. Clara suddenly starts to vomit blood; she’s changing anyway. Koldo picks her up and carries her outside. Koldo puts her down, and kisses her. She bites his tongue out, and the police fill them both with bullets. As they die, they reach over and hold hands.

Worst wedding ever!

Brian’s Commentary

We watched these on Tubi, and it was hilarious, as all the ads were in Spanish to match the film.

This one is supposedly a prequel to the first two films, showing us how the plague started. Except, in the previous film we were told that the whole thing was an experiment by the church to make a vaccine for demonic evil, and there clearly are demons involved; here, it’s a straight-up zombie virus caused by an animal bite, although there does seem to be some demonic influence after a while, since the prayer worked.

I suspect this was filmed as a plain old generic zombie movie and got the “Rec” name to help it sell. It seems pretty unrelated to the previous two films, but it’s pretty good as a standalone.

Kevin’s Commentary

This was a grim piece of work with a lot of likable people and children meeting gruesome ends. The effects and gore are top notch. The story was pretty good, though something we’ve seen before with a zombie plague spreading by way of bites and body fluids. The connection to the other REC movies as a prequel was unsatisfying, I didn’t feel like it covered the origin well enough of what happens in movies one and two. If you’re in the mood for a good, gory zombie movie with lots of action, you should check this one out, just don’t expect a lot of REC lore from it.

1998 Bride of Chucky

· Directed by Ronny Yu

· Written by Don Mancini

· Stars Jennifer Tilly, Brad Dourif, Katherine Heigl

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 29 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This one fully crosses over into dark comedy with horror elements, embracing the silliness of the series. It was a lot of fun, moves well, has good effects and a decent cast. We enjoyed it.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open at the police station, in the evidence repository room. There’s a Michael Myers mask in there and a Jason mask. The cop opens a locker and grabs a plastic bag with something in it. He drives away through the storm. He calls a woman on the phone, “I’m on my way, and don’t forget my money!” Bailey, the cop, parks and waits for the woman, but he’s also very curious about what’s in the bag. He tears it open and dies for his nosiness. The woman kills him, and we see that she’s Tiffany, who looks a lot like Jennifer Tilly. Inside the bag is what’s left of Chucky’s face. Credits roll. Tiffany then goes home and sews up a new doll. She sews the old face onto it. He’s still a mess after the events of the previous film.

David Collins goes to Jade’s house and meets Warren, her policeman uncle. The uncle calls someone as soon as they leave. David’s clearly gay and he’s only there to fool Warren. She’s way more interested in Jesse, who’s hiding in the back seat. Lt. Norton pulls them over. “Gotcha!” Police Chief Warren soon shows up to take Jade home.

Meanwhile, Tiffany creates a pentagram and reads “Voodoo for Dummies.” She reads from the book and does the spell that reanimates Chucky. It doesn’t work. Her goth friend, Damien, stops over, and he’s a wanna-be killer, or at least a makeup artist. Tiff turns her head and notices the doll is gone. Chucky turns up, and she says he’s the actual doll from “those murders.” “He isn’t scary. He’s so… 80’s.” Damien throws him across the room. Tiff then tricks Damien into getting tied up on the bed, but he doesn’t get what he was expecting. Tiff explains that she used to be Charles Lee Ray’s girlfriend, and he used to be the jealous type. She does a sexy dance that awakens something in… both of them. Chucky comes to life and kills Damien, much to Tiffany’s pleasure.

Tiffany admits it’s been ten years that she’s been looking for him. He says she looks great, but she doesn’t say the same about him; he’s a scarred-up mess. She thought he was going to ask her to marry him, but he laughs at the idea. He wants out of the doll’s body, but she locks him in a cage instead. She may be even crazier than he is. “Now it’s payback time!”

In the morning, Jesse, from the misadventure the night before, helps Tiffany to load a big crate into her car. The crate, of course, holds what’s left of Damien. He loads it into her car, and she flirts with him.

Tiffany goes out and buys a “Bride” doll that’s about Chucky’s size. “You are so dead,” he threatens. Tiffany watches “Bride of Frankenstein” on TV. Meanwhile, Chucky saws his way out of the cage. There's a very short battle, but Tiffany ends up dead. Out for revenge, Chucky uses his Voodoo powers to move Tiffany’s soul into the bride doll. The Tiffany doll wakes up and screams.

Chucky says they need the Amulet of Damballa in order to change back into humans. It was buried with his human body so many years ago. She calls Jesse and offers him money to drive two dolls to New Jersey. He does as instructed and drives them to the cemetery– but first, he stops and picks up Jade. As the teenage drama goes on outside the van, Chucky and Tiff listen and mock them.

As Jesse and Jade go inside to pack her things, Warren checks out Jesse’s van which is parked outside. “He’s screwing with our ride.” Tiff goads Chucky into being more creative than simply using a knife. Chucky drives dozens of nails into Warren’s head; he looks like a pincushion. “Why does that look so familiar?” he asks.

Lt. Norton pulls the van over, he knows what his boss wants and is always looking for suck-up points. He finds the drugs that Warren hid in the back, but doesn’t see Warren’s body in the back. Needing to protect his ride, Cucky takes things into his own hands and blows up Norton’s car. Jesse and Jade get back in their van and drive away. Tiffany and Chucky admire the carnage as they drive away. David calls; Jesse and Jade are all over the news, wanted as serial killers.

They drive to Niagara Falls so they can get married. The little plastic couple in the car get a surprise, as Warren’s not as dead as they thought. Somehow, their motel room is a shared suite without another couple, Diane and Russ, and they recognize the dolls. Are they up for a four way?

Diane steals Jesse’s money, and only Tiffany notices. She finds a really creative way to kill them, enough so that Chucky pulls the ring off Diane’s severed finger and offers to marry Tiffany. It’s all very romantic, sorta. She cries and then wonders if all her plumbing works. He points out that he’s anatomically correct, and then we get what may be the weirdest sex scene in all of cinema history.

Jade calls David; she’s pretty sure that Jesse is the serial killer. David gets a call on the other line from Jesse, who thinks that Jade is the serial killer. In the morning, after the neighbors’ bodies are found, they confront each other about the murders. Then David shows up, and he tries to make peace between the two. David suggests that maybe Warren could be the serial killer– until he finds Warren’s body in the back. Now he thinks the couple are serial killers as well. The two dolls pull guns, and David gets hit by a truck as the police start chasing their van.

Chucky shoots the police car as they head into New Jersey. Chucky asks if the human couple has any questions. The two dolls now want to take over Jesse and Jade’s bodies. The radio reports that Charles Lee Ray’s fingerprints have been found at two crime scenes, so the police are going to exhume his body.

On the way to New Jersey in a stolen RV, Chucky and Tiff argue over doing the dishes. She insults his “manhood,” and the humans take the opportunity to fight back. Tiff ends up in the oven, and Chucky gets ejected completely. Tiffany gets out of the oven, but she doesn’t look so good. The whole RV explodes and everyone runs down the road to the cemetery.

At the cemetery, one lone medical examiner is there, digging up Ray’s grave by hand. At gunpoint, Chucky orders Jade to open the coffin. It’s not a pretty sight, but the amulet that Chucky wants is still there. Chucky and Jesse do a prisoner swap for the two girls. Chucky is grossed out by what’s left of Tiffany, but he ties up the two humans and starts the ritual to take over their bodies. Tiffany then stabs Chucky in the back; “We belong dead,” she says. The two dolls brutally fight it out; Tiffany loses.

Jesse knocks Chucky into his own grave just as the detective arrives. Jade shoots Chucky repeatedly, and slides back down into Charles Lee Ray.s coffin. The detective calls the station and says Jesse and Jade didn’t do it and lets them leave. Detective Preston then kneels over Tiffany and pokes the burnt-up doll. Then she sits up and screams as a baby pops out and attacks him.

Brian’s Commentary

This is where Chucky went from tongue-in-cheek slasher to full-on comedic masterpiece, a change, and a storyline that continues through all the rest of the movies and TV series. Fully embracing the franchise-hood of Chucky, Michael Myers, Jason, and even Pinhead make cameos– sorta. There’s also more than one “Bride of Frankenstein” reference.

Depending on your view of the humor aspect, this is either the best or the worst of the Chucky series. I know I’ve seen it a bunch of times. “Voodoo For Dummies” always gets me!

Kevin’s Commentary

This was a lot of fun, far more comedy than horror, fully moving away from serious scares and suspense in the first films. I liked it quite a bit, and it leads the way for more movies to come as well as the television series.

2005 Hellraiser VIII: Hellworld

· Directed by Rick Bota

· Written by Clive Barker, Joel Soisson, Carl V. Dupre

· Stars Katheryn Winnick, Anna Tolputt, Henry Cavill, Lance Henricksen, Doug Bradley

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 31 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This was a step back up from some of the previous movies, but still not nearly as good as the first two. There’s plenty of Pinhead and a couple other cenobites, but mostly just doing stuff in the real world. It was okay, not great.

Spoilery Synopsis

A man digs in the basement. He finds what he wants and screams in victory. Credits roll over footage of a funeral. Adam is dead, apparently from suicide. Jake and Mike are there, and they aren’t holding up too well. The parents didn’t come, it’s just the kids. They complain that they were all addicted to the Hellworld game. Chelsea has no self-control and opens the casket; Adam is inside, and his burned corpse reaches up and grabs her– nope, that was a dream.

Two years later, Chelsea gets a knock at the door. It’s the Chatterer Cenobite; no, it’s really Mike in a rubber mask. They know all about Cenobites and puzzle box; it’s all part of a Hellraiser video game. Mike has been invited to the latest Hellworld party at the Leviathan House. Allison and Derrick are on board for the party too. The video game involves opening a virtual version of the Lament Configuration. Chelsea isn’t interested in the game anymore, but Mike really wants her to come along.

The four arrive at the party house, and they’re all excited. Chelsea says “Adam would have loved this.” Allison says, “This party is gonna Kick A!” (At which point I wondered what this movie was rated). Jake shows up, and he’s still all mopey– none of them have seen him since the funeral.

The Host comes out and welcomes everyone to the party. He says he’s the “Ultimate Hellworld Fanatic,” and he has a ridiculous collection of Hellraiser merch. Leviathan House was built by LeMarchand, the same man who made the famous puzzle box. The place was built as a convent, but a crazy nun “tainted” the place. Later, it became a lockup for the criminally insane, and yes, it’s supposed to be haunted. The Host then leads the four into his special room full of jars of faces and body parts. Chelsea admits that she’s impressed and doesn’t believe any of the Hellworld stuff. He… sticks a nail in her, and she hallucinates Pinhead, who says, “Adam was right.”

They go back up to the party, and the Host explains how the mask-and-cellphone game allows for anonymous debauchery. Mike and Derrick are into trying that.

Allison, on the other hand, goes inside the door marked “Keep Out.” She sits in a chair that looks like it came from the producers of “Saw.” The Host comes in and explains how it works. He activates the machine, and Allison gets… bloody. As she dies, Pinhead appears to Allison, asking if she believes Adam now.

Chelsea sees Adam from across the room and follows him. Jakes finds a photo of him and Adam on a computer. The Host knew Adam; Adam was so passionate about Hellword that he made his own puzzle box. “Go ahead, open it.” It sticks him with pins and he, too, gets a vision of Pinhead. Jakes looks out the window and sees the Host outside, digging a grave. Afterward, he goes out to the party, but no one seems to see him.

Derrick dances with a girl but then drops his inhaler just as he has an asthma attack. He follows it down the ventilation shaft into the room with all the lab specimens. As he recovers, Pinhead chops his head off.

Jake notices a strange nun at the party and follows her upstairs. He finds a naked woman up there who lures him into bed for sex.

Mike finds a girl and gets entertained– until Chelsea calls him on the phone for help. She then calls 911 for help, but the connection is bad. Mike’s friend locks him in the specimen room as well, and he soon finds Derrick’s head among the samples. He’s soon visited by one of the Cenobites, who impales him on a big hook.

The police show up from Chelsea’s call, and the Host intercepts them. She beats on the windows, and the cops look right up at her, but they don’t see her. She gets outside, but her car is suddenly out of gas. “It's like a bad horror movie, isn’t it?” asks the host, who is sitting in the backseat. She runs from him and finds a policeman, who is killed by Pinhead. “There is no way out for you, Chelsea.”

Jake flashes back to the pre-credit sequence, where Adam digs in the basement and then sets himself on fire.

Chelsea runs back into the house, and all the other guests have vanished. She calls Jake, and they decide that the house is haunted. Dead-Mike, Dead-Allison, and Chatterer chase Chelsea through the house. The Host calls Chelsea, and she says this has to be fake because she never opened the puzzle box “Get your lore straight!”

Jake senses a Cenobite behind him, spins, and stabs it– but it’s really Chelsea. Then Chelsea calls him on the phone. That wasn’t real, maybe. Jake agrees that he didn’t open the box; the Hellworld elements aren’t adding up. Could this all tie into Adam’s death? Chelsea figures out that the Host is Adam’s father.

They all run out into the woods with the Host sometimes behind them and sometimes in front of them. They find five graves, each one with a pipe for air leading to it. The old man admits he catfished Jake, who taught him all about Hellworld and the Pinhead lore. We cut to Jake, who is actually buried in one of the graves. The Host kicks Chelsea into the last grave and admits that he drugged them all. All of the group have been buried alive; the rest was accomplished through the power of suggestion over the cell phones. They have since actually died.

We cut to the police, who dig up Chelsea, who’s crazy with fear. Jake wakes up as they load him onto an ambulance. The cop says they’ve been missing for days; the house owner cleared out then. They don’t know who phoned it in. Chelsea sees Adam upstairs; he made the call– from the grave.

We cut to Adam’s father, alone in a hotel room. He’s got a certain puzzle box, and he opens it. The Cenobites appear behind him… “I should have come for you a long time ago.” They cut him to pieces. The police show up shortly after and find a real mess.

Chelsea and Jake get a call on the phone. It’s Adam’s father— no, just another jump scare.

Brian’s Commentary

So… was any of the Pinhead stuff real or just a drug-induced hallucination? The final scene, sure, but that’s it?

This was filmed simultaneously with “Hellraiser: Deader” the seventh film in the franchise. It was also Doug Bradley’s last time playing Pinhead.

Unlike the previous four installments, this one was actually written as a Hellraiser movie. The others were just random scripts with some Pinhead thrown in.

Kevin’s Commentary

This was, at least, an improvement over some of the previous films in the series that had a little Pinhead thrown in as an afterthought. It still lacks the magic of the first two films though, and wasn’t nearly as good as those. I’d call it okay if you’re a big fan and want another little taste but wouldn’t highly recommend it.

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We have an interesting collection this week! We’ll start off with the fairly recent “The Soul Eater” and “Frankie Freako.” We actually forgot that there was a new Ghostbusters movie last year, so we picked that one up as well. Then we’ll look at a couple of oldies, “The Stranglers of Bombay” from Hammer films and “Godzilla vs. Hedorah” (aka “The Smog Monster”).

And, of course, we have more excellent short films for you!

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Mainstream Films:

2024 The Soul Eater

· Directed by Alexandre Bustillo, Julien Maury

· Written by Annelyse Batrel, Ludovic Lefebvre, Alexis Laipsket

· Stars Virginie Ledoyan, Paul Hamy, Sandrine Bonnair

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 48 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This was very much a police procedural, with a pair of officers looking into the disappearance of children in a small area. There seems to be a supernatural slant to things, and the case gets weirder and darker the further they go along. It’s slow-moving but very entertaining. We both liked it a lot.

Spoilery Synopsis

A policeman interrupts Franck’s run with news. Later, he takes a bus out to the country. At a roadblock, he catches a ride with a woman he doesn’t know. He’s here to investigate alarming disappearances. Credits roll.

When the pair arrives at his destination, there are already flashing police cars there. It turns out, the woman in the car is Elizabeth Guardiano, the police commander in charge of the scene. Inside the house, there are two dead people, and it’s not pretty. The cop there thinks the couple got into a fight and killed each other very violently. They have a 12-year-old, but no one can find him. We cut back and forth between Franck and Elizabeth as they search different parts of the house.

Elizabeth finds Evan, the son, hiding in the basement. He says “The Soul Eater” came for them. Franck finds a weird little statuette outside in a van, and he pockets it. We see a shadowy figure on a motorcycle watching all of this.

Later, Franck shows Elizabeth photos of all the missing kids he’s looking for. The white van at the murder scene was involved in some of the disappearances. She’s only interested in the murders, but agrees to work together.

Franck takes a shower, but then sees someone in his room. Elizabeth goes to talk to the mayor of the little town. She chews out the local cops for not finding the hiding boy earlier. She’s arrogant, and the locals don’t like it; their town has had some hard times in recent years. The mayor wants to say the couple killed each other and there’s no murderer in their small town, but Elizabeth disagrees.

The doctor won’t let Franck talk to Evan, the boy, so he sneaks in on his own. He shows Evan the children’s photos, and he recognizes them. Evan says they’re all dead; the Soul Eater killed them. Evan sees the monster standing behind Franck, but Franck looks, and there’s nothing there.

Elizabeth talks to the coroner, and the bodies are excessively damaged, but they did this to each other. It makes no sense. Also, they had orgasms as they killed each other.

Franck and Elizabeth talk about each other’s obsession over the case. They go back to the Vasseur house and search some more. They find that Evan has been sleeping in a dirty corner of the basement, not in the nice bedroom upstairs. They find the neighbor’s missing dog wrapped in plastic and poorly covered up in the backyard.

The pair gets a call. The man who runs the local lumber mill has been killed, with his head well sliced by a saw. The question of accident, suicide, or murder seems to be answered when Elizabeth finds another of those little carved statues right next to him. They ask Marcelin, the police chief, about the Soul Eater. He’s a sort of local legend, a boogeyman. Marcelin warns Franck that Elizabeth is just out of the hospital after a suicide attempt. Franck notices that both the lumber mill and the murder house had computers that have gone missing.

A man runs out of the building, and Franck chases him across the lumberyard. The man gets away, but he drops his backpack. The computer was inside, but the thing fell in the river and got soaked. Franck does get the hard drive out. Elizabeth goes to the church to read up on the Soul Eater. We hear various reports of a pilot who crashed a plane nearby two weeks ago; we’ve heard about this event several times already.

Elizabeth and Franck talk about their lives. Her daughter had been bullied at school and then killed herself.

Henri Maublanc, the man who found the body at the lumber mill, lied to the police about his story. We cut to him hanging out at home. When Elizabeth and Franck arrive outside, they hear screaming coming from inside. Maublanc has killed his wife and tries to kill Franck with an ax before Elizabeth shoots him. We see the mysterious motorcycle man outside again. Afterward, Elizabeth looks for Maublanc’s daughter, but we see that she’s hiding outside. In the girl’s closet, they find more stuff about the Soul Eater.

At the hospital, the Soul Eater comes for Evan, and they walk out, hand in hand.

Elizabeth tells Franck that Jeanne Maublanc, the daughter, probably knows the perpetrator, as she’s obsessed with the Soul Eater. Evan’s doctor comes in and explains his history of abuse. She wanted Evan institutionalized, but his parents wouldn’t hear of it. Evan and Jeanne went to school together.

On the road, Elizabeth and Franck get shot at by the motorcyclist and wreck her car when she stops and backs into him. The shooter is injured but tries running for it, and Franck follows him through the woods. Franck catches the guy, who says he has nothing to do with the children. He says the plane that crashed was special, full of drugs, and he’s here to collect it. He says if you take a little, you get nice and high, but if you take too much, well, “You saw the results.” Where did the drugs end up?

The hard drive Franck found shows that the adult victims all knew each other from a chatroom on the dark web. There’s also a location that Franck and Elizabeth need to check out. It’s the location of the old sanitarium.

Splitting up to search the sanitarium, Elizabeth comes across one of the local cops, Gonnet, who claims to be looking for the missing children. She’s soon attacked by him wearing a mask. She shoots him repeatedly. Gonnet has a key that opens a door that Franck found. There’s all kinds of weird costumes in the room along with the missing computers. Then they find other rooms, themed and decorated, where child porn and torture has been filmed. They find Evan and Jeanne locked in a room.

Jeanne explains that they knew their parents were bad people - clearly alluding to them using Jeanne and Evan in kiddie porn, but then the Soul Eater came and possessed them. They weren’t satisfied and needed more children, so they abducted other kids. She tells the story of finding a package of the missing drugs in the forest. She thought it was magic salt, part of the Soul Eater lore, and then she and Evan tried it on the neighbor’s dog, who went crazy and died. Both kids then fed the drug to Evan’s parents, who promptly went crazy, killed each other excessively, and had a great time doing it. The sawmill guy was next. Then her dad who killed her mom, who wasn’t an active participant but knew what the others were doing.

Suddenly, the lights go out. “He comes for you,” says Evan. We see someone outside putting on the Soul Eater’s mask. Mercelin calls Elizabeth and alerts her that Franck isn’t a detective or even who he claims to be. Franck locks them all in the room and goes out looking for the kidnapper. They soon get out, and everyone convenes in the room with the Soul Eater.

Franck admits that he’s the father of one of the missing kids. Franck attacks the masked criminal, pulls the mask off, and we see that it’s the mayor who has been behind all this. She even shows him footage of his son’s death, smirking that he didn’t last a week. “People pay a lot of money for that sort of thing.” Franck puts down his gun, but the two children attack her and make her eat the drug. Franck sees this and leaves his knife within easy reach of her. He leaves her locked alone in the room as the drug takes effect…

Franck stands outside, pours alcohol all over one of the rooms used for filming and smokes as the screaming starts from the mayor. He then burns everything. Franck passes Elizabeth and the kids outside and hands her his gun and fake id before walking off into the darkness. “Who are you, Franck?” she asks. He replies, “A ghost.”

Brian’s Commentary

It’s long and slow-moving, but we never got bored with it. It’s mostly a mystery/police procedural, but there’s something supernatural going on all throughout. Actually, it turns out to be even darker than that. In the end, everything is explained and makes perfect sense, but it’s all a very nasty explanation, and no one leaves happy.

It’s good!

Kevin’s Commentary

I thought this was pretty great. It is on the long side, but it keeps pulling us along as they find more clues and more details of what’s going on. The mystery is well written, making it seem like there’s supernatural forces that may be at work, and hiding things well. The truth is even more awful when we find out what some of the ordinary people, not literal monsters, have been up to. I’d recommend it.

2024 Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire

· Directed by Gil Kenan

· Written by Gil Kenan, Jason Reitman, Ivan Reitman

· Stars Paul Rudd, Carrie Coon, Finn Wolfhard

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 55 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is a direct continuation of the previous movie, “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” with the same characters continuing their work. Three out of four of the classic Ghostbusters make an appearance, as well as characters and ghosts from the original films. The new big bad is powerful, but once again, teamwork saves the day. The effects are excellent. But it feels like a lot more of the same, the humor is a little stale, and the pacing is a little off. It was just okay.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open in 1904, as the firefighters get called to the Manhattan Adventure Society. There are screams inside, but there’s no fire; it’s freezing. Everyone inside is frozen solid. When the firemen disturb the strange person sitting in the corner, all the bodies shatter. Credits roll.

Today, the Ghostbusters, Gary Grooberman and Callie Spengler, race through town in the famous Hearse. Trevor and Phoebe are in the back seat, feeling exploited. Outside, manhole covers are exploding into the sky all around them. It’s the Hell’s Kitchen Sewer Dragon! They use all kinds of gadgets, including a drone-mounted trap, to catch the thing. There’s collateral damage, and that makes the news. The news reminds us who the Ghostbusters were/are.

The Mayor, an unfortunately familiar face, chews out the team. He points out that Phoebe is only fifteen, too young to be doing what she’s doing. He wants to shut them down– still. At home, there is whiny family drama as Phoebe complains about her forced retirement. They seem to be having issues with the old containment unit.

We cut to Ray Stantz, doing a podcast about the supernatural with Podcast, the character from the previous film. It’s a very weird show. Podcast has miniature Marshmallow men in the basement, and they reproduce like Tribbles. When a man comes in to sell some creepy stuff, the little men run and hide. Nadeen brings in the ball that the weird character in the pre-credit sequence was holding. Ray says there may be an evil spirit trapped inside. When Ray scans the egg, things go haywire at the Ghostbuster’s headquarters.

Upstairs, Trevor finds a bunch of trash in the attic; Slimer’s been eating. The group gets a call, but they leave Phoebe behind, so she plays chess with a ghost instead. She’s Melody, and she died in a tenement fire many years ago.

Gary asks Janine if anyone has ever dumped that containment unit, and she says no, not since 1984. They call Winston, who brings in an engineer who says it's full. He says the firehouse is holding back a flood of bad things, but he’s been building a new and improved Ghostbuster’s headquarters. Winston has founded The Paranormal Research Center is looking for answers to all the mystical questions.

Ray is there as well, and he’s brought his little ball of hate that Nadeem sold him. Ray explains some of the ghosts that they’ve kept around to study.

While the others are out on a call, Phoebe answers the phone and goes off on a mission along with Podcast. The ghost she got called for is Melody; Phoebe can’t bring herself to capture her ghostly friend.

That evening, Lucky and Lars at the Paranormal Research Center put the evil egg into their ghost-extraction machine. Instead, they accidentally manage to open it. The ghosts almost manage to escape, but the power comes on in time to keep them in place. Except the orb freezes Lars’s hand.

Melody visits Phoebe at the headquarters, and they hang out. Melody gets the full tour, but she’s suspiciously interested in the ancient containment unit. She talks about her inability to move on. We see later that she’s serving someone else.

Lars tells the assembled group that whatever’s inside the orb is doing mind control on other ghosts. Trevor, Lucky, and Lars go to see Nadeem about the orb. Turns out, he’s got a whole brass-lined room full of antique weirdness. Nadeem himself sets off the supernatural detector. They call Peter Venkman to check him out, and he’s definitely got something going on.

Ray, Phoebe, and Podcast go to see Dr. Wartzki at the library about the words coming out of the orb. He explains that a phantom god named Garraka is said to be trapped inside. His plan was to raise an army of the undead and start a war against humanity. He has the power to kill by fear itself. He was defeated by the Firemasters, beings who trapped Garraka inside the orb. He plays a recording made by the old Adventurer’s Society before they all froze to death. Podcast records the audio. As the recording literally bounces away, Ray runs into an old ghost-nemesis from the past.

The mayor condemns the firehouse and arrests Phoebe. Winston yells at Ray for putting the kids in danger. Gary talks Callie into fighting for the firehouse. Nadeem comes to the firehouse, and Lars blames himfor all the damage. Ray comes in and says that Nadeem is the new Firemaster, and it’s up to him to protect the world against Garraka.

Phoebe and Melody hang out together. Phoebe wants to try out being a ghost for a while, so she goes to the Research Center and pulls out her own spirit. It works! As soon as Phoebe becomes a ghost, Garraka possessed her. He can’t control humans, but he can control ghosts. The orb falls to pieces. After two minutes, Phoebe returns to her body, but Garraka is still free– and escapes.

Garraka goes to the Firemaster Cigarette store and freezes the proprietor. He then goes to Nadeem’s house and breaks in. He takes his own horns off the wall and puts them on.

People at the beach, in summer, are attacked by ice and snow, which quickly expands into the city. Ray talks to the others, saying that Garraka is coming for the containment unit, which holds a potential army. Nedeem barely uses his fire powers at all, so how much help could he be? Ray, Winston, and even Peter suit up for battle with new and improved proton-packs.

A possessor spirit takes over the Ghostbusters car and wrecks the place. It then possesses a pizza and is eaten by Slimer. Phoebe confronts Melody as Garraka arrives outside. Everyone else blasts their proton packs at Garraka, but they don’t work. Nadeem shows up in his grandmother’s armor and tries to talk to the huge horned beast. That doesn’t work, and Garraka opens up the containment unit, freeing uncountable spirits and freezing everyone but Phoebe.

Phoebe zaps the distracted Garraka with her gun, but he’s so powerful that he just freezes her stream– and her. Melody, however, lights a match, who powers up Nadeem, who really blasts the monster. Everyone works together to trap the old god.

Ray rejiggers the old containment until it sucks in Garraka; it’s big enough to hold him. He’s beaten. Melody moves on into the light. All the ice melts. The mayor shows up and threatens to have them all arrested until the news shows up, and he has to praise them instead. Everyone cheers, even though the city is now overrun with spirits, probably including Zuul and Vigo from the first two films.

Brian’s Commentary

What happened to all the ghosts that got out of the firehouse? Forty years of captures? Looks like NYC is going to be uninhabitable for a long time with all that activity.

It’s a continuation of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife,” but there are a lot of connections, actors, characters, and even ghosts, to the original films. The CGI and creatures are exceptional. The humor is… predictable at best.

It’s good. If you liked the previous film, this is more of the same.

Kevin’s Commentary

Of all the Ghostbusters movies, this was one. I’d put it as my least favorite. There wasn’t enough new, the pacing was a little off, the humor was a little stale, and the heavy emphasis on Phoebe didn’t interest me much. I didn’t quite hate it, but it was just okay. Hopefully they can bring things back up if they make another.

2024 Frankie Freako

· Directed by Steven Kostanski

· Written by Steven Kostanski

· Stars Conor Sweeney, Kristy Wordsworth, Adam Brooks

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 25 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is more crazy comedic science fiction than horror. After a little bit of a slow start and setup, things get wild with the appearance of Frankie and his pals. The creature puppets are awesome, the script is silly, and it’s very fun. We both enjoyed it a lot.

Spoilery Synopsis

Conor’s boss, Mr. Buechler, says his planned presentation is bland and boring; he needs to “spice it up.” Conor is bland and boring, but he also takes the comment personally.

Conor goes home to Kristina, who wants to have some sexy time. She’s a little too sexy, and he doesn’t even make it to the undressing stage. She calls him bland too as well as “square.” He doesn’t listen to her, since the antiques roadshow is on the TV. Conor gets upset when someone on the show swears. Yeah, he’s pretty uncool. Then he sees a 1-900-number that promises to spice up his life. Something in the ad appeals to Conor, who keeps telling himself, “I am not a square.”

The next day at the meeting, Conor hands out party hats for his very boring presentation. The meeting goes badly, and he hallucinates the people in the meeting becoming ugly little trolls. Afterward, the boss wants Conor to come in on Saturday to shred some evidence for him– on camera. Kristina is going on a trip for the weekend; she jokes, “Have a freaky weekend.”

As Conor cleans the house, not being square at all, he keeps seeing ads for Frankie Freako. He gives in and calls the number, as thunder and lightning appear from nowhere. The kitchen suddenly gets all windy, but Conor shouts, “I’m ready to party!”

Conor wakes up in the morning, and there’s caffeinated soda cans all over the house. Did he do that? The house has graffiti all over it. He goes into the kitchen and sees Frankie Freako and his friends in there making a mess. They have polaroids of Conor freaking out with them last night. One of them shoots Conor in the neck, and he gets all bloody. The three ugly little puppets then smash one of Kristina’s prized statues, and then Conor knows he’s in trouble.

Conor beats up Boink, one of the creatures, who dies. Conor apologizes. It’s all another prank, Boink isn’t dead, and Kristina loses more statues. He tells them all to leave, but they ignore him, so he pulls out a cross, as if they were vampires. Frankie turns into a horrible demonic thing and knocks Conor out.

Mr. Buechler calls and guilt-trips Conor into coming into work right now. Buechler hides behind a desk and tells Conor what to do. Before Conor can shred the documents, Frankie calls him on the phone. Buechler goes home with Conor to see what the commotion is all about. He thinks Conor did it all to himself. They search the house, and Conor’s guns and bear trap have gone missing.

Buechler soon finds the bear trap the hard way. Conor finds other booby traps, the even-harder way. Buechler then gets doused in glue and stuck to the floor. Kristina calls and says Conor sounds stressed. He takes the gun and finds the Freakos in bed asleep; he can’t bring himself to execute them.

Frankie turns on the TV, and there’s a little narrated documentary about Freakworld and the inhabitants. President Munch enslaved the Freakos, all except for the three Freaks that Conor knows. Conor gives in and gets freaky with the Freakos.

The phone rings, and Conor answers it, even though Frankie warns him not to. The whole house glows red and a portal opens. “They found us!” Robotic Freako-killers come through the portal and shoot everywhere. Conor finds that he can’t leave the house. They take everyone into custody and drag them through the portal.

Connor finds himself on Freakworld, a place of stop-motion people and puppets. They dress Conor up as President Munch’s new concubine and take him to the big man’s office. The president plans to torture Dottie to get at Freddy. Munch tells Crunch to bring the Dial of Doom and demonstrate it. The machine melts Munch. When it’s Conor’s turn, he’s too square and bland to make the machine work.

Meanwhile, Boink hotwires one of the robots to shoot the others. Frankie, Boink, and Conor use the distraction to run outside, but Dottie has been brainwashed to work against them. Frankie convinces her to fight with him again. Back in his office, President Munch mutates into something new…

The Freaks and Conor break back into Conor’s living room, causing more damage along the way. Munch follows them and he’s got a chainsaw. Conor seduces the president and leads him away. Conor leads him to the basement and into the booby trap array that is still there. It doesn’t work as well as expected. Boink pulls out a cross, and Freddie’s demonic side makes Munch burst into flame and die.

Conor learns to like Fart Cola. Kristina calls to say she’ll be home early, in just under an hour. The foursome get to work with a cleaning montage, but it’s a hopeless mess. Kristina comes inside, and the Freaks hide. She asks what happened, and he plays dumb until the Freaks reveal themselves. She says it’s all “totally fine.” She used to be Dottie’s roommate back in gun college. She’s good friends with the Freaks, and she’s the one who brought them into all this in the first place.

It’s all good. Then we cut to Buechler, still stuck to the floor in the basement.

Brian’s Commentary

I want to know where I can buy some Fart Cola.

This is from the same director as “Psycho Goreman,” so there shouldn’t be many surprises that this is a comedy.

The puppets are really well done and all have distinctive personalities. The storyline is just insane, but it all actually kinda makes sense in the end. I’m not convinced that this is “horror” in any way, but it’s definitely funny and weird.

Kevin’s Commentary

This was a lot of fun. Definitely more science fiction than horror, but it’s got some horror elements. The puppets are very obviously puppets, but they work for this really well. I liked it.

1959 The Stranglers of Bombay

· Directed by Terence Fisher

· Written by David Zelag Goodman

· Stars Guy Rolfe, Allan Cuthbertson, Andrew Cruickshank

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 20 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is roughly based on historical events. It’s also a movie made in a time in history when brownwashing (and other colors of washing) was the way things were done - almost all of the named Indian characters are played by white people, as well as many extras. It was well made and interesting, and fairly entertaining, but really pushing it to call it horror.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a bunch of Indian men playing drums. The leader tells a story about an old-time monster. Only Kali would dare battle that monster, and she won, but the drops of blood became new monsters. She learned to kill without spilling blood. She taught her followers to strangle their victims. Three new boys are joining the Kali Cult, and this is all an initiation rite. Credits roll, and then we get a text scroll telling us about the Kali cult that existed for hundreds of years, until 1829…

Colonel Henderson sits in court and listens to Mr. Patel Shari, who “used to be” important. Outside, Captain Harry Lewis is late for the meeting, where the business owners complain about people, horses, and whole carriages that have disappeared. Mr. Burns and Mr. Patel complain about Henderson’s men not solving the problem, and Harry Lewis agrees with them. When the businessmen leave, Harry explains to his boss about 1119 people going missing last year. Harry wants to be put in charge of solving the problem, and Harry rushes home to tell his wife, Mary, about it.

Henderson then assigns Harry to escort a carriage, which is promptly robbed. Captain Connaught-Smith reports to Harry; he’s just arrived. As they return to town, their two prisoners, the thieves, escape. Connaught-Smith is assigned to investigate the missing people, much to Harry’s displeasure.

We see that Mr. Patel knows the two thieves, and he wants that behavior stopped. He’s got both escaped prisoners, and he punishes them. Yes, both men then get their eyes poked out with flaming skewers.

Harry’s servant Ram Das, reports that he saw his brother in the crowd earlier, and his brother went missing ten years ago. Harry gives him food and money to follow the caravan with his brother.

Back at the Kali camp, the two eyeless men are in a cage. Ram Das’s brother, Gopali, is there. The high priest teaches him how to act to white people before robbing them. Bundar reports that Ram Das has been seen approaching camp, and the Das works for Harry, who took the sacred cloth from the captured men.

Harry reports to Connaught-Smith, who clearly doesn’t care at all about his opinion or research. Harry is mugged on the way out, and the men steal the sacred strangling cloth back. He goes back to report it to Connaught-Smith, and they argue.

Harry and Mary have some friends over for dinner, and someone throws a bundle through the window. It’s Ram Das’s hand! He goes straight to Henderson, who calls him “insolent and disrespectful.” Harry resigns his commission.

Harry goes around questioning people about Ram Das, but the local merchants avoid answering anything. It’s almost as if they all don’t care. Harry and his friend go tiger hunting, and they dig up a body instead. They find thirty bodies, all strangled.

Harry tells all this to Patel, who doesn’t seem at all interested. He tells Harry to stay out of it. A man is accused of the murders, and he smiles on the gallows, happy to die. He puts on his own noose and jumps to his death; a fanatic– or martyr. Harry follows smiling members of the audience out of town to the Kali camp.

Harry watches the group convene, but is captured and tied to stakes in the ground. The high priest gives the order, and a man lures a deadly cobra to kill Harry, who can’t move. The priest cuts Harry, and the killer snake homes in on the smell of blood (I know that’s not how it works). The snake is about to strike, but is interrupted when Ram Das’s pet mongoose gets free and kills it. The high priest orders Bundar to cut Henry free; it’s a sign from Kali.

Harry goes back to Henderson and Connaught-Smith about the cult. They laugh at him.

Back in the Thugee camp, the three young recruits are ordered to kill the three prisoners. Gopari recognizes Ram Das, his own brother, is one of the prisoners, but kills him anyway.

The cultists plan to rob the biggest caravan yet, but before that, they hatch a plan to kill both Harry and his neighbor, Sidney. They kill Sidney, but Harry is alerted and saves himself. Lt. Silver and Patel conspire to kill Connaught-Smith and take the whole caravan.

That night, the caravan stops and makes camp. The three young cultists have joined the group, and they say nothing as the stranglers sneak into camp. It’s a silent mass-slaughter. Connaught-Smith leaves his tent and wonders why nobody will wake up. He’s soon killed and all the bodies are carted away to mass graves.

In the morning, Harry and Lt. Silver arrive at the campsite and Harry knows what happened. Harry suspects Silver is a Thugee and shoots him. Night falls, and he watches a Kali ceremony. He shoots exactly one guy before getting captured. The high priest orders that he be killed. Gopari sees Ram Das’s necklace around Harry’s neck and cuts him loose. Harry runs up on the stage and throws the high priest into the fire before running away.

Harry and Gopali interrupt Henderson and Patel at dinner. Patel is arrested, and Henderson puts Harry in for a promotion. Harry tells Mary that “this is only the beginning. Murdering Kali is still out there.”

Brian’s Commentary

Looking at the credits, I don’t think there was a single actual Indian credited for the film. The British censors hated the film for its excessive violence, and it’s been hard to find in the UK ever since. It’s a stretch to call this “horror” today, but it was considered excessively brutal at the time.

This Hammer film was intended to star Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee, who were both otherwise occupied. Some of the sets were built for “Horror of Dracula” (1958). It’s at least partially historical, based on the life of Henry Sleeman, who wiped out the Thugee Cult in the mid-1800s. The basic story was reused as the basis of a remake a few years later, “The Terror of the Tongs” (1961).

Kevin’s Commentary

This was kind of interesting. And bemusing on all the white people playing Indians. It was well made with good production values and some familiar faces. I enjoyed it as a historical action drama. It does have a murder cult and a body count, but I wouldn’t really consider it horror.

1971 Godzilla vs. Hedorah

· AKA “Godzilla v. The Smog Monster”

· Directed by Yoshimatsu Banno, Ishiro Honda

· Written by Yoshimatsu Banno, Takeshi Kimura

· Stars Akira Yamanouchi, Toshie Kimura, Hiroyuki Kawase

· Run Time: 1 Hour, 25 Minutes

· Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This one beats us over the head with the message that pollution is bad, and we should do better or else. The overbearing message takes a little of the fun away, but it’s got plenty of the Godzilla vs. a big bad creature action. Plus humans doing science and military stuff. We thought it was okay, not the best of them.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on shots of various industries and also a bubbling lake, where something rears its ugly head as credits roll. The song involves pollution and the end of the world, and we watch many scenes of floating trash and sludge.

We cut to a little boy, Ken, playing with his Godzilla toys. Mr. Gohai brings Ken’s father, Dr. Toru Yano, a marine biologist, an odd fish to examine. The old man whines that he hasn’t caught a single shrimp recently, and it’s getting worse. News reports talk about a new giant creature that’s been attacking ships in the harbor. Ken points out that it looks a lot like the big tadpole that Mr. Gohai brought them, and Dr. Yano agrees.

Yano then goes scuba diving to see what he can learn about the missing shrimp. He sees lots of submerged trash. Ken stays on the beach and soon encounters the giant creature, but it turns around and ignores him. It goes after Yano instead, who is injured.

The news reporters come to interview the family, and Ken has named the tadpole-creature “Hedorah.” Yano checks out one of the little tadpoles and learns that it’s a mineral, not biological at all. He puts a few grains of the creature-powder in water, and it comes to life. “It was born of sludge!” He watches two separate pieces join together to make a bigger creature.

Meanwhile, Godzilla encounters floating sewage and fallout. He doesn’t like it and shoots it with his atomic breath.

We cut to a Japanese hippie-disco, where everyone shows us that this was the 70s in the most 70s way possible– we get another musical number (same as the opening theme song) about extinct species and poisonous metals. As she sings, we watch Hedorah crawl around on dry land and sucking the smog out of a smokestack. Godzilla reaches land too, and he seems to want to find whoever’s been making all the mess.

Unsurprisingly, the two creatures meet and fight. Back at the disco, everyone puts on fish-head masks as the song finishes. They’re all having fun– until a Hedorah tentacle slides down the steps and leaves goop all over their cat. A young couple, Yukio and Miki run out of the disco and watch from their car as the two monsters go at it some more. Godzilla seems to win, but far too easily. Both creatures go back out to sea.

We get more news reports about Hedorah’s terrible rampage. Dr. Yano examines the powder that Hedorah leaves behind. It is the same as the little tadpole. He comes to the conclusion that Hedorah is not from Earth and must have come here on a meteorite.

Yukio and Miki take Ken to the amusement park and the little boy sees Godzilla nearby. Hedorah flies over a yoga class, and everyone passes out from the smell. Yano says Hedorah will just continue to get bigger and bigger. “Mankind could beat it if we could all join forces.”

Hedorah has changed forms a few times, so experts predict what form it will come in next time. The monster seems to be creating more pollution as well as just eating it.

We have another impromptu dance party on the beach, and between the bonfire and the noise-pollution, you-know-who shows up, and Godzilla is not far behind. All the revelers throw torches at Hedorah once it knocks out Godzila. It shoots acid on some of them and just plows over and melts others.

The creatures stand in front of each other and stare at each other. We soon learn that Hedorah can shoot lightning out of his eye. It releases smoke that makes Godzilla pass out. Hedorah then grabs the unconscious Godzilla, picks him up, and flies away with him. It soon drops Godzilla into a pit that it starts filling with sludge.

Dr. Yano has come up with a plan to make two giant electrodes that, when Hedorah goes between them, will shoot him with electricity and “desiccate him.” Except the monsters have just knocked out the power lines!

The men hurry to repair the power lines, but it takes time. A helicopter distracts the monster for a while, but eventually, he continues moving. The power comes on just in time and zaps Hedorah at the same time Godzilla does. Godzilla reaches into Hedorah’s body and pulls out his two eyes that he destroys; those were the center of Hedorah’s power.

Hedorah’s still not dead yet after all, and it flies away. Godzilla then uses his own atomic breath to fly away after him. The two fight one more time, even though Hedorah is blind now. Godzilla flies the other monster back to the electrical weapon and drops him back inside. Godzilla pulls out all his organs this time and throws them all across the film. Soon, Hedorah is nothing but multiple puddles of muck, and then he cooks them all again.

Godzilla looks at Yano and the soldiers, and he thinks about it, but then turns and walks away. We end with Godzilla looking at the pollution as he walks back to the sea. Little Ken watches his favorite monster head home.

Brian’s Commentary

Those opening credits– were they going for James Bond-thing for Godzilla?

Subtle. It’s a word these filmmakers never learned. There were even little animated segments between scenes showing some of the stuff that Hedorah does. Did we really need a song about mercury pollution? Pollution is bad, mmmmkay?

Hedorah is still just a guy in a suit, but it’s an interesting design with the one red glowing eye and “seaweed” tentacles.

I dunno what I dislike about this one, but it absolutely didn’t grab me. Maybe it was the over-the-top “message” since all the other usual Godzilla tropes and ideas were good. This is the only film where Godzilla flies, and it’s a very silly scene.

Kevin’s Commentary

It was only an hour and 25 minutes, but I thought it managed to feel longer. The environmental messages were a little bit too heavy-handed. It wasn’t bad. Another example of Godzilla fighting a big bad with a predictable outcome.

Short Films:

2023 Short Film: Toad Boy

· Directed by Phillip J. McLaughlin

· Written by Phillip J. McLaughlin

· Stars Clif Chamberlain, James Hoelzel, Tamir Tucker

· Run Time: 12:36

· Watch it:

What Happens

Someone wrote “Toad Boy” on Todd’s locker, and when the school janitor goes to wash it off, he finds something strange inside. This leads to the principal calling Todd’s parents– there have been some bullying incidents in the past, and Todd hasn’t come to school recently because of that. The principal eventually decides he needs to do a home visit, and things get even weirder from there.

Commentary

As Charlotte talks to the principal in the basement, the audio was muffled badly enough I had to turn the subtitles on. Other than that, it’s really good. It looks like a tale of planned retribution, but it turns out to be much more than that. It looks good, the makeup effects are excellent, and the whole plot is just… messed up.

2021 Short Film: The Mechanical Dancer

· Directed by Jenna Jaillet

· Written by Jenna Jaillet, Josh Jaillet

· Stars Animated

· Run Time: 13 Minutes

· Watch it:

What Happens

A mad scientist and his faithful assistant show a dancing robot to a theater audience. It doesn’t work so well, so they look for an alternative. The young assistant, however, isn’t fully on board with the old man’s plot. Will there be a happy ending?

Commentary

These filmmakers must have asked themselves, “What if Tim Burton animated the Cabinet of Dr. Caligari?” Or at least that’s what the character design makes me think.

The film is silent and uses all the Dutch angles and German impressionism of “Caligari” and other films of that age. It’s not strictly black and white; it’s tinted, as were many silent films. The animation is beautifully done, and all the characters show emotion and some nuance.

If you like the old silent classics, you’ll like this!

Contact Info:

Email:

· mailto:[email protected]

Websites:

· https://www.horrorguys.com

· https://www.horrormonthly.com