Hot Mess Magic

Her marriage was ending. Her husband had been the breadwinner. She had no idea how she would support herself.

And she felt peaceful.

After years of trying to make their marriage fit, Ally Rose and her husband asked each other a question: Can we do this for the rest of our lives?

Both said no.

During a year and a half of living together while separated, they treated each other better than they had throughout their marriage. The pressure to be who they thought they should be was finally gone.

But leaving wasn’t the end of the story.

Ally went on to build a six-figure business, enter a loving relationship, and create a life she could once only imagine. Then, sitting at a silent retreat, another question surfaced: Why doesn’t this feel the way I thought it would?

In this episode of Hot Mess Magic, Michelle Burke and Ally talk about wanting a life, getting it, and discovering how much of the wanting came from someone else. Her mother’s grief over never becoming a stay-at-home mom. The expectations of her Christian community. The online business world’s definition of success.

Then Ally names where her need to achieve began: she and her brother were the only two Black kids in their town. Becoming the class vice president, cheerleading captain, and person everyone liked became her way of belonging.

It worked. And she’s still living with the cost.

What you’ll hear:

• Why ending a marriage could feel more peaceful than staying.
• The difference between sabotaging something you want and trying to leave something you’ve outgrown.
• How achievement became Ally’s way of fitting in, and why success hasn’t quieted the need to prove herself.
• Michelle’s year without goals and the reaction she got when she admitted it.
• Why knowing where a pattern began doesn’t mean you’ve stopped living it.

Ally can explain her patterns. She helps other people understand theirs. She still catches herself waiting to earn the right to rest.

What have you gotten everything you wanted from, only to realize you don’t want it anymore?

Bring your answer to Hot Mess Magic | After the Episode. We’re still talking.

Join the Hot Mess Magic | After the Episode

The conversation continues here.

Click here

Follow Hot Mess Magic

Connect with Michelle

IG - @michelleaburke

Connect with Ally

FB - https://www.facebook.com/theallyrose/

Resources

Ally’s Book - The Divine Pause

Unmasked - Learn More

Spot the Block - Spot it here

HMM LOVES + RECOMMENDS

Riverside

Hot Mess Magic’s online recording studio

https://riverside.sjv.io/hotmessmagic

Gloci

Glow and Debloat.

https://getgloci.com/MICHELLE-BURKE

Micro Journey

Live Life Vividly

Use code MBURKE for 20% off

https://themicrojourney.com/?ref=mburke

Hostinger

Build, run and grow your online business

Get 20% off

https://www.hostinger.com?REFERRALCODE=SUDMICHELLXD

Some links may be affiliate links, meaning HMM may earn a commission if you purchase through them.

You can build a life you genuinely love and still wake up one day wondering where the fuck you went.

The marriage. The kids. The career. The house. The responsibilities. The roles you chose and the ones you slowly became without realizing it.

Nothing necessarily went wrong.

But somewhere inside being the wife, the mother, the professional, the person everyone could count on, Brenda Ridgley realized something had disappeared: Brenda.

And the strangest part? Her life looked great on paper.

In this conversation, Brenda and I get into what happens when the roles that once gave your life meaning become so fused with your identity that you don't know who you are without them.

We talk about the loneliness that can exist inside a full life, friendships built around proximity rather than real connection, the terror of realizing you need something to change when you have no fucking clue what comes next, and the unexpected decision that pulled Brenda out of the version of herself she'd been living for years.

Because maybe the question isn't whether you're grateful for the life you've built.

Maybe it's whether you still exist inside it.

So here's the question:

Who are you when you stop introducing yourself by the roles you play?

Listen to the episode, then come tell us what came up for you inside Hot Mess Magic | After the Episode.

KEEP THE CONVERSATION GOING

The conversation continues here.

Click here

Follow Hot Mess Magic

Connect with Michelle

IG - @michelleaburke

Connect with Brenda

IG - @brendaridgley

Resources Mentioned

Brenda's Book - Lady and the Tribe: How to Create Empowering Friendship Circles

Get it here on Amazon

HMM LOVES + RECOMMENDS

Riverside

Hot Mess Magic’s online recording studio

https://riverside.sjv.io/hotmessmagic

Micro Journey

Live Life Vividly

Use code MBURKE for 20% off

https://themicrojourney.com/?ref=mburke

Gloci

Glow and Debloat.

https://getgloci.com/MICHELLE-BURKE

Hostinger

Build, run and grow your online business

Get 20% off

https://www.hostinger.com?REFERRALCODE=SUDMICHELLXD

Some links may be affiliate links, meaning HMM may earn a commission if you purchase through them.

You can build a life everyone thinks makes perfect sense and still wake up one day thinking, what the fuck am I doing?

Andrea Mancuso walked away from 14 years as a school psychologist, a six-figure salary, benefits, and summers off. From the outside, it looked reckless. From the inside, staying started to feel worse.

Because sometimes the mess isn't the breakdown.

Sometimes it's the moment you finally stop being the person everyone expects you to be.

Andrea joins Michelle to talk about the identity she built, the career she outgrew, and what happened when she trusted something inside herself before she had proof it would work. Her story moves through panic attacks, entrepreneurship, self-trust, fear, dating, relationships, and the uncomfortable process of figuring out who you are after decades of becoming who you're supposed to be.

Then Michelle takes the conversation somewhere even more uncomfortable: how much delusion do you actually need to build a life nobody else can see yet?

Because self-trust sounds great when everything is working. It's a different fucking thing when you're questioning everything.

And somewhere between leaving a career, trying speed dating while crying in your bedroom, building a business, and realizing you don't need everyone else to understand your vision, a bigger question starts to surface:

What if the version of you who made perfect sense five years ago no longer fits?

• Walking away from a career everyone else thought she should keep
• The pandemic moment that forced Andrea to question her entire life
• Why self-trust gets harder when things aren't working
• The uncomfortable connection between identity, expectations, and success
• Michelle's take on the level of “delusion” required to hold a vision before evidence exists
• What happens when you stop needing other people to believe in your dream
• A very uncomfortable speed-dating story about fear, anxiety, and leaving the comfort zone
• Why midlife can expose identities we've spent decades building

00:01 What if the mess is actually moving you somewhere?

02:30 Andrea's pandemic breaking point

13:28 Leaving the career everyone expected her to keep

24:26 The “batshit fucking crazy” level of belief

34:56 The speed-dating story

36:44 The identities we build over decades

54:50 When the life you built no longer makes sense

Where in your life are you still protecting an identity you've already outgrown?

Follow Hot Mess Magic on Apple & Spotify

Join the Hot Mess Magic | After the Episode

Click here

Connect with Michelle

IG - @michelleaburke

Connect with Andrea

IG @iamandreamancuso

Resources Mentioned

Grab Andrea’s Book - The Space Between

THIS EPISODE WAS POWERED BY

Riverside

Hot Mess Magic’s online recording studio

https://riverside.sjv.io/hotmessmagic

Gloci

Glow and Debloat.

https://getgloci.com/MICHELLE-BURKE

Micro Journey

Live Life Vividly

Use code MBURKE for 20% off

https://themicrojourney.com/?ref=mburke

Hostinger

Build, run and grow your online business

Get 20% off

https://www.hostinger.com?REFERRALCODE=SUDMICHELLXD

Some links may be affiliate links, meaning HMM may earn a commission if you purchase through them.

What if being “the positive one” isn’t who you are?

What if it’s who you learned to be because being liked felt safer than being honest?

Shannon Platt spent years building a life around being the upbeat one. The woman who brings the energy. The coach people trust. The mom. The wife. The person who doesn’t want anyone wondering if something is wrong.

Then a devastating car accident cracked something open.

She left a business she had spent years building and started over. From the outside, it looked like everything was falling apart.

Inside, something else was happening.

Shannon realized leaving wasn’t the mess. Staying was.

And suddenly, the questions got bigger.

How much of your personality is actually you, and how much is a role you learned to perform? What happens when people pleasing starts running your career, relationships, motherhood, and even the way you show up in your own body? And what if the “I’m fine” version of you is simply another mask?

Michelle and Shannon get into people pleasing, perfectionism, the pressure to be liked, asking for permission, career reinvention, and the difference between genuine joy and the relief of knowing nothing went wrong.

They also talk about the version of positivity nobody talks about: the pressure to always be okay.

Because sometimes “I’m good” isn’t an answer.

It’s a mask.

• The identity built around being the positive one
• Why people pleasing can follow you into your career and relationships
• The moment Shannon realized staying was actually the mess
• Asking for permission before making decisions about your own life
• The difference between joy and simply exhaling because nothing went wrong
• Why perfectionism shows up in how women approach their bodies
• What happens when you stop performing the version of yourself everyone expects
• The uncomfortable question behind “I’m okay”

00:47 When positivity becomes an identity

06:19 The accident and what it made impossible to ignore

08:02 “Staying would have been the mess”

11:48 Michelle’s realization about leaving teaching

13:05 Why women ask for permission

16:00 Joy vs. relief

21:08 Who are you becoming on the other side?

23:07 “I’m calling you out on your okay”

25:12 Perfectionism and the body

Where in your life are you calling something “fine” because admitting it isn’t would mean you have to make a decision?

Follow Hot Mess Magic

Join the Hot Mess Magic Community

Connect with Michelle

IG - @michelleaburke

IG - @hotmessmagic

Connect with Shannon

IG @shannplat

Resources Mentioned

Free Breakthrough Call w/Shannon - https://www.shannonplatt.ca/

THIS EPISODE WAS POWERED BY

Riverside

Hot Mess Magic’s online recording studio

https://riverside.sjv.io/hotmessmagic

Gloci

Glow and Debloat.

https://getgloci.com/MICHELLE-BURKE

Micro Journey

Live Life Vividly

Use code MBURKE for 20% off

https://themicrojourney.com/?ref=mburke

Some links may be affiliate links, meaning HMM may earn a commission if you purchase through them.

What if being needed has become part of your identity?

Not loved. Not valued. Needed.

The woman who handles everything. Solves everything. Shows up for everyone. The woman who rarely asks for help because somewhere along the way, doing it herself became proof she could be trusted, capable, worthy.

Alyssa Kalebota knows her well.

She spent years living in the go-go-go mentality, building a business, becoming a mother, chasing goals, and carrying more than she needed to. Then life started forcing her to slow down.

A divorce at 27 blew apart one version of her life. Pregnancy challenged another. Motherhood exposed the uncomfortable truth underneath her independence: sometimes “I can handle it” isn't strength. Sometimes it's an identity you don't know how to put down.

So Michelle asks the question sitting underneath the entire conversation:

Who are you if you stop being the woman everyone needs?

Michelle and Alyssa get into independence, mom guilt, achievement, self-worth, asking for support, expectations, relationships, and the strange discomfort of discovering being needed can feel like safety.

Because being capable isn't the same as being responsible for everything.

And being needed isn't the same as being alive.

• When “I can handle it” becomes an identity
• Why slowing down can feel wildly uncomfortable
• The hidden cost of extreme independence
• How divorce can expose a version of yourself you buried
• Mom guilt, asking for support, and letting someone else carry part of the load
• What happens when your goals collide with real life
• The pressure to achieve and the expectations we place on ourselves
• Being needed versus actually being present
• The woman Alyssa is ready to retire, and the parts of her she refuses to lose

THE QUESTION

Follow Hot Mess Magic

Join the Hot Mess Magic Community

https://www.skool.com/hot-mess-magic-1323

Connect with Michelle

IG - @michelleaburke

Connect with Alyssa

IG @personalassistantgrp

Resources Mentioned

THIS EPISODE WAS POWERED BY

Riverside

Hot Mess Magic’s online recording studio

https://riverside.sjv.io/hotmessmagic

Gloci

Glow and Debloat.

https://getgloci.com/MICHELLE-BURKE

Micro Journey

Live Life Vividly

Use code MBURKE for 20% off

https://themicrojourney.com/?ref=mburke

Some links may be affiliate links, meaning HMM may earn a commission if you purchase through them.

What if the breakup isn't what hurts most?

What if the hardest part is realizing how much of yourself disappeared while you were trying to make someone stay?

Jess Hendrick knows the pattern. Confuse chemistry with compatibility. Mistake chaos for connection. Give too much. Become more perfect, more accommodating, more desirable, hoping love will finally feel secure.

Until you have to face an uncomfortable question:

Who did you become trying to be loved?

Jess and Michelle get into the relationship patterns we learn long before dating enters the picture. Childhood dynamics. Perfectionism. Fantasy. Self-abandonment. The familiar pull toward people who activate old wounds.

Because sometimes chemistry feels like fireworks when your nervous system is simply recognizing home.

And sometimes the person pulling away isn't the real problem. The deeper question is why their withdrawal suddenly becomes evidence you aren't enough.

This conversation goes into what happens when you stop looking outside yourself for safety, start recognizing your own patterns, and realize healthy relationships can feel surprisingly unfamiliar.

• Why chemistry can feel powerful while compatibility is nowhere in sight
• How childhood patterns can shape who feels familiar in love
• The connection between perfectionism and trying to earn love
• Why fantasy can make you attached before you truly know someone
• What happens when someone pulls away and your first instinct is to blame yourself
• Why a calmer relationship can initially feel boring
• The uncomfortable moment when you realize you're the common denominator

1:23 The part of heartbreak most people don't talk about

5:23 Chemistry vs. compatibility

12:19 The version of Jess who thought perfection could earn love

18:35 Becoming the common denominator

31:14 When you outsource your safety to a relationship

39:28 Fantasy, dating, and ignoring what your body knows

46:55 Are you afraid of being alone, or meeting yourself?

50:14 The moment Jess stopped pretending

Where have you abandoned yourself in an attempt to make someone stay?

Join the Hot Mess Magic Community

https://www.skool.com/hot-mess-magic-1323

Connect with Michelle

IG - @michelleaburke

Connect with Jess

IG @jesshendrickcoaching/

Resources Mentioned

Jess' Free Relationship Quiz - https://www.jesshendrick.com/

Danielle Laporte's White Hot Truth

THIS EPISODE WAS POWERED BY

Riverside

Hot Mess Magic’s online recording studio

https://riverside.sjv.io/hotmessmagic

Gloci

Glow and Debloat.

https://getgloci.com/MICHELLE-BURKE

Micro Journey

Live Life Vividly

Use code MBURKE for 20% off

https://themicrojourney.com/?ref=mburke

Some links may be affiliate links, meaning HMM may earn a commission if you purchase through them.

What happens when you hand someone else the power to decide what your life looks like?

Trish Ramirez knows money and dragsters.

This drag car racer has spent more than 35 years in the financial industry, helping women understand money, build wealth, and change the way they think about their finances.

But there was a time when Trish knew what she wanted and didn't trust herself enough to fight for it.

She wanted to buy a house.

Someone she trusted told her everything would be fine.

It wasn't.

And years later, she found herself rebuilding her life after divorce and asking a much bigger question than what happened to the house:

Why didn't I trust myself?

In this conversation, Trish and Michelle talk about money, financial independence, relationships, divorce, power, and the stories we're handed about who should manage the money.

Because money isn't just numbers.

It can become tied to your identity.

Your confidence.

Your relationships.

Your sense of safety.

And sometimes, the hardest financial decision isn't deciding what to do with your money.

It's admitting you've been handing your power to someone else.

We also get into the money stories we inherit as children, why even a financial professional can still feel anxious looking at her own numbers, and what happens when losing a job or relationship forces you to question who you thought you were.

And then Trish reveals a part of herself you probably wouldn't expect.

Because the financial advisor sitting across from Michelle isn't the whole story.

Neither of us is.

We're not our job titles. We're not our bank accounts. And we're sure as hell not the roles we've been handed.

So what happens when you finally trust yourself enough to take your power back?

Listen to the conversation.

If something in this episode made you see your own relationship with money differently, share it with someone who needs the conversation.

Follow Hot Mess Magic wherever you listen to podcasts, and join the Hot Mess Magic Community to keep the conversation going.

Because sometimes the money conversation isn't really about money.

It's about who gets to decide.

Connect

Michelle Burke

IG - @michelleaburke

Trish Ramirez

IG - @patricialynnramirez

Website - Ramirez Wealth Management

What happens when the thing you've been using to survive starts becoming the thing that's destroying you?

Joanne Kminsky knows what it means to keep functioning while everything underneath you is falling apart.

She lost her father young. She struggled with grief she didn't know how to process. She found ways to numb it. She kept working. Kept parenting. Kept moving.

From the outside, she was functioning.

Inside, something was very different.

Then one night, something happened with her daughter that forced Joanne to see what she could no longer look away from.

That moment changed the direction of her life.

In this conversation, Joanne and Michelle talk about grief, addiction, parenting, asking for help, and the identities we build around being the person who can handle everything.

They also go somewhere unexpected: into the classroom, the education system, and what happens when the work you once loved becomes a place where you can no longer recognize yourself.

Because sometimes the hardest part isn't knowing that something has to change.

It's admitting that you can't keep doing it this way.

This conversation is for anyone who's functioning on the outside while quietly knowing something has to give.

You don't have to know what comes next to know that this isn't working anymore.

If this conversation hit somewhere a little too close to home, don't just scroll past it join the Hot Mess Magic Community and keep the convo going.

Follow Hot Mess Magic wherever you listen to podcasts, and send this episode to the person who needs to hear it.

Because sometimes the conversation we need most is the one we keep avoiding.

Connect

Michelle - IG @michelleaburke

Joanne - FB @skypereadingtutor

This episode includes discussion of suicide, addiction, grief, and mental health struggles. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction or mental health, please reach out to a qualified mental health or addiction professional or a local crisis/support service. You don't have to figure it out alone.

You are not the same person you were at 10.

So why are you still wearing the mask you put on back then?

We’re in an eclipse window between the August 12 solar eclipse in Leo and the August 27–28 lunar eclipse in Pisces. And this episode came together while I was walking on the beach, completely different from what I planned to record.

Because maybe that’s the point.

We evolve. We change our minds. We outgrow things. And sometimes the identity that once protected us becomes the identity we can no longer live inside.

The good girl.

The strong one.

The successful one.

The easy one.

The one who keeps it together.

Which one are you still being?

And which one are you done wearing?

This is a beach walk and talk about identity, masks, evolution, and what happens when you finally see the parts of yourself you’ve been hiding.

Drop the facade. Own the mess. Remember who the fuck you are.

Hot Mess Magic is a podcast about the identities we build, the masks we wear, and what happens when we stop pretending.

New episodes every Friday.

The woman you judge might be the woman you understand.

We are quick to decide who someone is based on the role they play.

The stripper.

The executive.

The entrepreneur.

The woman who seems to have it all together.

The woman whose choices don't make sense to us.

But what if the story we've been told isn't the whole story?

In this conversation, Michelle sits down with Morgan Barkus, a former stripper who spent 13 years in the adult entertainment industry before becoming a confidence coach and entrepreneur.

What unfolds is not a conversation about stripping.

It's a conversation about identity, perception, confidence, and the masks we all learn to wear to survive.

Morgan shares what the industry taught her about boundaries, self-worth, rejection, sales, and the power of being seen for more than the role someone assumes you play.

Together, Michelle and Morgan challenge the beliefs we carry about empowerment, judgment, success, and what it means to truly own who you are.

Because sometimes the person we are quickest to judge is the person who has something important to teach us.

• Why the common narrative about women in the adult entertainment industry misses the deeper truth
• What 13 years as a stripper taught Morgan about confidence and resilience
• The surprising connection between stripping, entrepreneurship, and sales
• Why confidence has less to do with appearance and more to do with knowing your worth
• How rejection can become one of your greatest strengths
• Why being seen, heard, and understood is something everyone craves
• The difference between empowerment and simply adapting to survive
• How the roles we play can become mistaken for who we are

This conversation will challenge the assumptions you hold about other people—and maybe the assumptions you've been carrying about yourself.

Because the masks we judge in others are often the same masks we wear ourselves.

Connect

Michelle Burke

• IG - https://www.instagram.com/michelleaburke
• What Identity did you create to survive? - Find out here --> michelle-a-burke.kit.com/themask

Morgan Barkus

• IG - https://www.instagram.com/morganbarkus/
• Join the Club - https://www.morganbarkus.com/confidence-club

If this conversation made you stop and think, subscribe to Hot Mess Magic for honest conversations about identity, authenticity, and the hidden cost of the masks we wear to survive.

Share this episode with someone who's ready to question the stories they've been taught about confidence, success, and what it really means to be seen.