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"Could you help me come up with something fun to do for our anniversary?"

"Any time I come up with ideas, you don't like them, so I'm done contributing."

Defensiveness in your marriage shows up when you don't hear what your partner is saying, so instead, you throw out a comment that deflects the original comment. You hear an attack on your character or behavior instead of a complaint. A defensive response pushes the two of you further away instead of hearing, understanding, and learning to create more connection. In your marriage this week on AwakenYou, I help you see your defensive actions and learn a new response.

In the above example, you are closing up, defending yourself, and shutting down your partner. Better response in this example could be: "I would love to brainstorm ideas for our anniversary, but I'll admit, I get a bit gun-shy because in the past I have thought that you didn't care what I wanted to do."

This second response has you opening up to connection while also sharing how you have felt in the past, creating even more connection!

Episodes referenced in this episode:
Is Divorce In Your Future? Ep 44
Is Contempt Killing Your Marriage? Ep 48
Marital Discussions: Criticism Versus Complaint Ep 46
From Enemy To Ally Ep 25
Emotional Regulation In Your Marriage Ep 35
Self-Soothe To A Happier Marriage Ep 38

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