In this week’s episode of the Love Where You Are podcast we are continuing in our six week series asking the question: How Do I Deal With This? And today, we will be answering the question: How Do I Deal With Difficult Mother/Daughter Relationships? 

 

Joining me to speak on this topic are author, literary agent and Founder of the Blythe Daniel Agency, Blythe Daniel and her mom, author, counselor and speaker Dr. Helen McIntosh. This amazing mother/daughter duo are the co-authors of Mended: Restoring the Hearts of Mothers and Daughters and their latest release, I Love You, Mom: Cherished Word Gifts From My Heart to Yours.

 

As Christians, it is our calling and desire to struggle well and respond to difficult relationships in a way that honors Christ and doesn’t derail our mission, which is ultimately to point others to Him but let’s be honest, that is hard to do when you find yourself in a relationship that is defined by someone else’s dysfunction.

 

Dr. Helen was raised by a mother whose anger and alcoholism caused frequent strain on their relationship. Even at a young age, and before she knew Christ, Dr. Helen set out on a mission to understand the “why” behind her mother’s behavior and purposed to establish a new approach and legacy of love once her daughter Blythe was born.

 

Join me for this delightful conversation as Blythe and Dr. Helen share their story, insight and wisdom and encourage listeners with God’s heart and His word as it applies to mother/daughter relationships.

 

Connect with Blythe on Instagram and Facebook

Connect with Dr. Helen McIntosh on Facebook

 

Check out all of their resources at ourmendedhearts.com and grab a copy of I Love You, Mom just in time for Mother’s Day!

 

I’d love to hear your favorite takeaway from today’s show! 

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Favorite Takeaways:

“You are just responsible for what’s on your side of the net” - Dr. Helen

I made the mistake of trying to be the fixer

Mom, I long for us to be restored, what do you think we need to do to make things better?

 

It’s so important to know what your thinking is and how that affects your actions - Blythe

 

When we can recognize that it’s not about us, it’s not - well, we should have done this or we should have done -  a lot of times, it’s that the other person is making the choices and they’re saying the things that affect us but we don’t have to receive that and take it on ourselves

 

Proverbs 4:23

I bumped her cup, indeed, but what came out were her issues, not mine

 

Be purposeful in how you teach your children to love and how to ask for forgiveness

 

Extend grace and keep a fresh account between you

 

That which you focus on, you become like - Dr. Helen

Keep your eyes off of dysfunction and keep your eyes on the Lord

 

A way to show respect is to know when is the best time to speak to your loved one

 

Guard your space and the other person’s time

 

Renewing can start simply

 

We are disobeying God when we don’t honor the person He has given us as mother

 

Throughout the Bible, God is so good to renew relationships….

 

Intentionality is really where God wants our hearts

 

Choose to engage with love to build small bridges 

 

Choose love even when you don’t feel loving

 

Anger is a reaction when we don’t get what we want

 

When you are working harder in the relationship than the other person, that’s a red flag

 

Matthew 7

 

Make sure your side of the net is clear

 

We need to model good communication.

When we want to get our point across, we are not so great at listening to the other person.

We are geared to go ahead and formulate our answer to something or our next point while someone is talking. 

 

We need to be the one initiating because otherwise it may never happen

 

As we speak words of life then that reflects back to your own heart 

 

Our ability to love is a function of our relationship with the Lord

 

Boundaries are healthy ways to protect the relationship

Boundaries help establish the care of the relationship

 

A healthy boundary life means sometimes you say yes and sometimes you say no

 

Psalm 23

 

The blood of the lamb is the anti-venom for the bite of a snake

 

Ephesians 6

Ephesians 4:29

 

To put on love, you don’t have to feel it but you can extend it