How Do I Deal With Mean Girls in the Church?

Mean girls...ugh. 

Did you just cringe a little?

I know, it doesn’t take much of a reminder to drudge up "all the feels" from experiences we’ve all had when it comes to being treated badly by sisters in Christ

 

But you know what?

We need to talk about this and ask the hard questions like - 

• How do I honor Jesus and acknowledge the hurt at the same time? 
• How does God want me to forgive and what does that look like when I did not provoke the conflict? 
• And why does God allow these things to happen in the first place?

 

Joining me to speak to this topic is author, speaker and podcaster, Sarah Geringer

Sarah is the author of Transforming Your Thought Life and Transforming Your Thought Life for Teens and she is passionate about this topic!

 

Get ready to take some notes my friends cuz this conversation covers it all 

 

Connect with Sarah on Instagram and at sarahgeringer.com

Connect with Somer on Instagram and at somercolbert.com

Ready to join Somer's Ahavah Community? Click HERE!

FAVORITE TAKEAWAYS:

People are in different stages of the spiritual growth continuum 

 

Some hurts come from spiritual maturity mismatches

 

Queen Bees and Wannabees: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boys and the New Realities of Girl World by Rosalind Wiseman 

 

When we’re under stress, we go back to acting like Jr High students

 

Forgiveness is a process

 

Forgive, Let Go and Live by Deborah Smith Pegue

 

We have to forgive because it’s a command from the Lord

 

Take the position of wanting to let go and forgive knowing you have more work to do with God’s help to forgive

 

Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane for unity in the church

Jesus knew the enemy was going to do everything he could to destroy the unity of the church

 

Satan does not want you in a local body of believers much less a small group

 

The attacks that you have had from people at church are really from satan - satan using them to attack you

 

You have to remember that Jesus died for you, to cover your sins, but He also died to cover their sins as well.

 

They’re not your enemy - they are an image bearer who God loves very much

 

“This is a battle I face, but in the end Jesus is going to win”

 

Learn to pour out your feelings to God first, God will then show you which ones need to be dealt with 

 

Honest, gut-level prayers - pray through the Psalms like David did

 

God just wants us to lay it all out

 

Get the infection out of your heart

 

Step back and say - what am I not going to do?

 

You can glean a lot of good out of a negative situation if you are willing to be courageous and honest enough to wrestle with it in front of God

How to deal with hurt: 

1. Step back
2. Don’t include those who are close to the situation
3. Go to the Throne first
4. Pursue wise, biblical counsel

 

The Lord is allowing this situation in you life which means He is offering you opportunity to grow from it

 

Matthew 18 - the model of how you confront people

 

There are some people we cannot have relationship with due to toxicity

 

Romans 12:18

 

We can’t control what others do but we can control how we respond

 

Psalm 139:23 (New Living Translation)

 

Look at personal responsibility

 

Don’t carry old wounds into new territory

 

We are all accountable to the Titus 2 model

 

I need to start from a place where I am being filled with wisdom

 

Transforming Your Thought Life for Teens by Sarah Geringer

When talking to your kids about their mean girl moments:

1. Listen
2. Try not to correct
3. Say things that are affirming
4. Share your own life experiences that are similar

 

Do not let the devil keep you out of church because of your hurt