In this deeply personal and research-backed conversation, host Eli Harwood sits down with Dr. Laura Markham — clinical psychologist, bestselling author, and founder of PeacefulParentHappyKids.com — to tackle one of the most exhausting realities of family life: sibling conflict. Together they explore what the research actually says about why siblings fight, what parents can do about it (and what they shouldn't), and how to raise kids who will genuinely like each other as adults. Eli even shares a real, unfiltered story from her own family — complete with onesies, a parking lot scene, and a sticker — and asks Dr. Laura to coach her through it live.

• The #1 predictor of sibling kindness is your relationship with each child. Research consistently shows the closer you are to each child individually, the less they fight with each other.
• Discipline style shapes sibling behavior. When parents use power and force to solve problems, kids mirror that with each other. When parents model calm problem-solving, kids learn to do the same.
• Inviolate one-on-one time matters more than grand gestures. A predictable, protected window of time with each child — even 20 minutes — gives kids the security to handle their siblings with more grace.
• Pushing and shoving under age 6 is developmentally normal — it doesn't mean your parenting is failing. The prefrontal cortex won't be fully developed until the mid-20s, and meaningful impulse control takes years to build.
• Positive interactions are the long game. Research shows that what adults remember about their sibling relationships is not the conflict — it's the fun they had together. Protect and prioritize play.
• Kids need scripts, not just correction. When you give children the actual words to say ("I was still using that — can I have it back?"), they learn to use them, often faster than you'd expect.
• Parent leadership reduces sibling rivalry. When parents step in to create systems and structures (like a calendar for mom nights), kids don't have to fight for position.
• Talking about neurodivergence with siblings requires validation, not minimizing. Acknowledge what's hard for each child without making either child responsible for managing the other's feelings.

Dr. Laura Markham is a clinical psychologist trained at Columbia University, bestselling author, and one of the most trusted voices in parenting today. She is the founder of PeacefulParentHappyKids.com — a free resource with over 1,000 pages of parenting guidance — and the author of three books translated into more than 27 languages.

• 🌐 Website: peacefulparenthappykids.com
• 📸 Instagram: @peacefulparenthappykids
• 📬 Free Newsletter: Sign up here

• 📗 Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings by Dr. Laura Markham Amazon | Publisher Page
• 📘 Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham Amazon | Publisher Page
• 📙 Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish Amazon
• 🏫 Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development at TCU (Trust-Based Relational Intervention / TBRI) child.tcu.edu Dr. Karen Purvis coined the phrase "Families that play together, stay together" and developed TBRI, a research-based model for supporting children impacted by trauma.

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Eli sits down with Libby Ward — writer, speaker, and author of Honest Motherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself — for a deeply honest conversation about what it costs mothers when they sacrifice themselves completely. Together they explore the myth of selfless motherhood, the reality of generational trauma, and why radical honesty — with yourself first — is where real change begins.

• You were never meant to do this alone. Human beings evolved in community, not nuclear family isolation. The loneliness of modern motherhood isn't a personal failing — it's a structural problem.
• Selflessness isn't the antidote to a selfish upbringing. Martyrdom doesn't protect your kids — it burdens them. Your children don't need a shell of you; they need you.
• Shame keeps us stuck. When we don't hear other mothers' real experiences, we assume we're the only ones struggling — and that shame makes it impossible to look honestly at what's actually happening.
• Generational trauma gets passed down until someone is ready to feel it. That someone might be you — and that is a gift, not a curse.
• Radical honesty starts with yourself, not the internet. Getting honest about your actual life — your nervous system, your capacity, your support system — is what gives you the freedom to make choices that actually fit your reality.
• Going no contact isn't the only option, and it isn't permanent. Separation can be a necessary step to find yourself before you can figure out what a relationship actually looks like.
• People-pleasing is an addiction. And like any addiction, recovery starts with honesty and the belief that you are worthy of reciprocal relationships.
• Your kids need you to be a whole person, not a perfect one. Modeling what it looks like to prioritize yourself teaches your children how they deserve to be treated in their own relationships.

Libby Ward is a writer, speaker, and advocate redefining the motherhood narrative. Known for her honesty, humor, and relatable voice, Libby reaches millions of women each week through her social media platforms. She has been featured on the BBC, Good Morning America, and is a member of Reese Witherspoon's inaugural Hello Sunshine Collective. Her debut memoir, Honest Motherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself, is out now.

• 🌐 Website: libbyward.com
• 📸 Instagram: @libbyward
• 🎵 TikTok: @libbywardofficial

• 📖 Honest Motherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself by Libby Ward
• Amazon (Hardcover)
• Amazon (Audiobook — read by Libby herself!)
• Publisher Page (Penguin Random House)
• Libby's own book page
• 💬 "Pain travels through families until someone is ready to feel it" — a widely-shared quote on intergenerational trauma, attributed to therapist Stephi Wagner and popularized in the cycle-breaking community.
• 🔄 Alcoholics Anonymous / Radical Honesty — The principle of radical honesty as the starting point for recovery, referenced from AA tradition. Learn more at aa.org.

If this conversation resonated with you and you're ready to break your own cycles and show up more securely for your kids, check out Eli's Secure Parenting Program — a therapist-led, pay-what-you-can program grounded in 70+ years of attachment research.

👉 Join the Secure Parenting Program

Connect with Eli:

• Website: attachmentnerd.com
• Instagram: @attachmentnerd
• TikTok: @attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: goldchildmusic.com

Therapist, author, and host of The Dude Therapist podcast Eli Weinstein, LCSW joins the show to talk about one of the hardest (and least talked about) relationship challenges: staying connected to your partner while you're deep in the trenches of parenthood. Eli brings his signature no-BS warmth and humor to share real, actionable tools — including the "First On Scene" rule, the Huddle tactic, and how to tackle the invisible mental load — all drawn from his new book From I Do to We Do.

• Take a pause before you take it out on your partner. When you're dysregulated in a parenting moment, step away for 2–5 minutes before engaging. Your kids will still be screaming — but your brain will be in a better place.
• The "First On Scene" rule. Whoever arrives first to handle a situation becomes the lead. Their way goes — as long as it's not dangerous. This eliminates power struggles and toe-stepping between partners.
• Make the mental load visible. Write down everything on your mental plate, sit with your partner, and ask (not demand): "Is there anything on this list you can take?" Let go enough to actually hand it over.
• Anticipation is the secret sauce. The partner NOT holding the mental load should proactively look ahead and ask, "What can I take off your plate this week?" — before being asked.
• Microdose your relationship with sweetness. Small daily rituals — a special phrase at bedtime, a little physical affection, a note — are the glue that holds couples together during chaos.
• It's us vs. the chaos, not us vs. each other. Use Eli's "Huddle" technique: check in on each other's energy, divide the game plan, and face the problem as a united front — not as opponents.
• Play to your strengths. Divide household labor based on what actually works for each person's brain, preferences, and neuroses — not rigid gender roles.

Eli Weinstein, LCSW is a licensed clinical therapist, international speaker, and host of The Dude Therapist podcast. His debut book, From I Do to We Do: Navigating Marriage in the Parenting Years (Wiley/Jossey-Bass, 2026), is the guide he wishes he had when he became a dad — covering everything from the mental load to conflict resolution to keeping intimacy alive. He's appeared on The Kelly Clarkson Show and been featured in Psychology Today and across 300+ podcasts.

• 🌐 Website: https://www.eliweinsteinlcsw.com/
• 📖 Book: From I Do to We Do on Amazon
• 🎙️ Podcast: The Dude Therapist on Apple Podcasts
• 📸 Instagram: @eliweinstein_lcsw | @thedudetherapist

• 📖 From I Do to We Do by Eli Weinstein — His new book on navigating marriage through the parenting years
• 📖 Fair Play by Eve Rodsky — The landmark book on the invisible mental load and how to redistribute it fairly
• 📖 Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin — The "couple bubble" concept referenced in the episode
• 🎬 Phil Stutz's "Active Love" tool — The concept Eli references for pushing love toward your partner in a difficult moment (also see the Netflix documentary Stutz)
• 📖 The Tools by Phil Stutz & Barry Michels — The book behind the Active Love concept

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

In this episode, Eli sits down with sex educator and Harvard-trained expert Kimberly Wolf to tackle one of the most anxiety-producing topics in parenting: talking to your kids about sex, bodies, and healthy relationships. Kimberly brings a practical, shame-free, and deeply reassuring framework for parents at every stage — from toddlers to teens — with one clear message: you don't have to have all the answers. You just have to show up.

• Start with safety and practicality. Framing sex education around safety takes the emotional charge out of it — for parents and kids. Even a 4-year-old can understand, "Nobody touches your body without permission."
• These are ongoing conversations, not one big talk. Replace the idea of "the talk" with a lifelong, open dialogue. Small moments build the foundation for big ones.
• You don't need all the answers. Saying "That's a great question — let me find out" signals to your child that you can handle this topic, and that they can come to you.
• Parents are more influential than the media — but only if they show up. Research consistently shows parents outrank peers and media in influencing teen decisions about sex, but only when they actively engage.
• Pornography is shaping kids' understanding of intimacy. It normalizes harmful power dynamics and reaches kids through mainstream media, not just explicit sites. Media literacy is a must.
• Teach what love feels like. Help kids build an internal compass for healthy relationships — safety, respect, and being heard — so they can recognize when something feels off.
• Time-binding awkward conversations is a pro communication tool. Saying "I need one minute — bear with me" is a real-world skill your child will use in their own relationships someday.
• If you feel like a loser with your teenager, you're probably winning. They hear you, even when they don't show it.

Kimberly Wolf, M.Ed. is a leading sex educator, speaker, curricular consultant, and parenting strategist. She holds an undergraduate degree in gender studies from Brown University and a master's in human development and psychology from the Harvard Graduate School of Education. She teaches in schools across the country, offers online courses for parents, and provides private coaching. She is also the author of Talk with Her: A Dad's Essential Guide to Raising Healthy, Confident, and Capable Daughters.

🎟️ Listener Discount: Use code SECURE at checkout on Kimberly's website for a discount on her courses.

• 🌐 Website: kimberlywolf.com
• 📸 Instagram: @itskimberlywolf
• 📖 Book: Talk with Her on Amazon
• 🏫 Courses & Resources: kimberlywolf.com/courses

• 📚 Talk with Her by Kimberly Wolf — A dad's essential guide to raising healthy, confident, and capable daughters
• 🌐 Kimberly Wolf's Online Courses & Resources — Online courses for parents and school programs for teens
• 🔬 Research: Parents' Influence on Teen Sexual Decision-Making — Research summary on how parental communication outweighs media influence
• 🔬 Research: Impact of Internet Pornography on Children and Adolescents (ScienceDirect) — Systematic review on how pornography shapes adolescent attitudes and behavior
• 🔬 American Academy of Pediatrics: Teens and Pornography — AAP guidance on the emotional and relational impact of pornography on teens

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Relationship coach Morgan Burch joins Eli to unpack one of the most common — and most painful — dynamics in modern partnerships: the moment you need your partner most is exactly when neither of you has anything left to give. Together, they explore the "hero child" wound, why co-regulation matters more than date nights, and practical tools like the Mirror Game and the DIC Talk that can transform conflict into genuine connection.

• The Parenthood Paradox: Both partners have less to give at the exact moment they long for more from each other — recognizing this cycle is the first step to breaking it.
• Microdosing Connection: You don't need a weekend away. Fifteen minutes on the couch with no phones can rebuild safety, trust, and closeness faster than any grand gesture.
• Co-regulation requires self-regulation first: When you feel the urge to blame your partner, that's a signal you're overwhelmed — regulate yourself before attempting to reconnect.
• The Hero Child wound: If you grew up parentified or as the "fixer," your nervous system learned that doing more = being loved. Unlearning that pattern is the key to real intimacy.
• The Mirror Game: Reflective listening — hearing, naming, and validating your partner's feelings without fixing or advising — is one of the most healing things you can do in a relationship.
• The DIC Talk (Dream, Invitation, Collaborate): Instead of issuing demands or keeping score, share a vulnerable dream, invite your partner in, and build a solution together.
• Responsibility Dysmorphia: Taking on a distorted sense of responsibility is a childhood survival strategy — noticing it is the first step to releasing it.
• Seeing yourself clearly = seeing unsafe relationships clearly: When you practice self-acceptance and self-care, the gap between how you treat yourself and how an unsafe partner treats you becomes impossible to ignore.

Morgan Burch is a relationship coach and creator of The SEEN Method® — a framework built on the belief that beneath every conflict lies one of four things: something someone was scared of, embarrassed about, expecting, or a need that went unmet. She helps couples and individuals stop coping and start connecting, and has reached millions through her viral content and private coaching practice.

• 🌐 Website: https://morganburch.com/
• 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/goodmorgantherapy/
• ▶️ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@GoodMorganTherapy
• 💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/morgan-burch-747a8226/

• The SEEN Method® — Morgan's signature framework for authentic connection
• 🎓 Free Relationship Masterclass: https://seenmethod.com/free-masterclass
• 📚 The SEEN Method eBook (13 Secrets to Break the Cycles that Break Your Heart): https://theseenmethod.com/ebook
• 🏫 8-Week SEEN Method Class (live, interactive, solo or with partner): https://morganburch.com/live-virtual-class-seen
• 💑 Couples Coaching with Morgan: https://morganburch.com/takeaction/
• IFS (Internal Family Systems / Parts Work) — The therapeutic modality Morgan references for working with the "hero child" and inner parts
• Learn more: https://ifs-institute.com
• EMDR Therapy — Mentioned as a healing modality for those working through deeper relational or childhood trauma
• Learn more: https://www.emdria.org/about-emdr-therapy/
• Attachment Theory & Co-Regulation — The research foundation underlying the tools discussed in this episode
• The Gottman Institute: https://www.gottman.com

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

In this episode, Eli sits down with Danish parenting expert and bestselling author Jessica Joelle Alexander to tackle one of the most pressing questions facing parents today: how do we raise kids who are safe, healthy, and confident in the digital world — without resorting to fear, shame, or oversimplification? Jessica shares the Danish philosophy behind her work, the story of how she created the Raising Digital Citizens conversation cards, and why connection — not restriction — is the real key to protecting our kids online.

• The digital world is a real world. Kids experience belonging, friendship, and identity online just as they do in person. Dismissing that reality puts distance between you and your child.
• Giving a child a phone is like handing them car keys. Preparation, conversation, and a co-created agreement matter far more than the age at which you hand it over.
• Denmark's education system tests for trivsel (well-being/happiness) — not just academics — because if kids don't feel well, they can't learn well. This philosophy extends to digital life.
• The most dangerous place for a child online is to feel alone. When kids fear losing their phone or getting in trouble, they won't come to you. Building trust is the ultimate protection.
• Reframing is everything. Instead of only focusing on the risks of technology, help your kids build a positive digital storyline — creative projects, businesses, fundraisers, and skills are all born online.
• Fear-based parenting around screens creates the same risk as avoiding conversations about puberty or sex — it leaves kids under-equipped when they inevitably encounter hard situations.
• Our language trickles down to our kids. When parents shame screen use, kids weaponize it against each other (e.g., calling peers "iPad kids"). We can model nuance and empathy instead.
• In the age of AI, human skills matter more than ever — and the relationship between parent and child is the foundation of it all.

Jessica Joelle Alexander is a bestselling author, internationally recognized Danish parenting and education expert, cultural researcher, and co-founder of Raising Digital Citizens. Her book The Danish Way of Parenting has been published in over 35 countries and is one of the most widely sold parenting books in the world. She teaches at the University of Copenhagen and her work has been featured in The New York Times, BBC World News, TIME, The Wall Street Journal, and more.

• 🌐 Website: jessicajoellealexander.com
• 📸 Instagram: @jessicajoellealexander
• 💼 LinkedIn: Jessica Joelle Alexander

• 🃏 Raising Digital Citizens Conversation Cards — The toolkit Jessica created to help families have meaningful, age-appropriate conversations about digital life. Co-created with psychologists and rooted in Danish digital citizenship education. 👉 raisingdigitalcitizens.com
• 📖 The Danish Way of Parenting by Jessica Joelle Alexander & Iben Dissing Sandahl — The global bestseller that unpacks the parenting philosophy behind why Denmark consistently ranks as one of the happiest countries on earth. 👉 Amazon | Penguin Random House
• 📖 The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt — The #1 New York Times bestseller examining the collapse of youth mental health in the smartphone era, mentioned in the context of the current fear-based conversation around kids and tech. 👉 Amazon
• 🏢 Common Sense Media — Nonprofit organization providing families and educators with trusted media ratings, digital citizenship curriculum, and research on kids and technology. Jessica attended a recent conference with them in Copenhagen. 👉 commonsensemedia.org
• 🎮 Ash Brandon (Gamer Educator) — Mentioned as a nuanced voice on the skills and benefits kids develop through gaming.

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

In this episode, host Eli Harwood sits down with Dr. L. Alan Sroufe — Professor Emeritus at the University of Minnesota and lead researcher of the landmark Minnesota Longitudinal Study of Risk and Adaptation — to unpack over 50 years of groundbreaking research on how early relationships shape who we become. From the origins of secure attachment to the surprising durability of worldviews formed in childhood, this conversation is a masterclass in what actually matters in parenting — and what doesn't. Dr. Sroufe also shares details on his new book The Development and Organization of Meaning, co-authored with his wife, June Sroufe.

• Secure attachment means confidence, not closeness. Dr. Sroufe redefines secure attachment as a child's confident belief that their caregiver will be there — not how physically close they are kept.
• The best predictor of empathy is having received empathic care. You can't tell your child to be empathic — you have to show them through your own responsiveness.
• Early experience matters enormously — but it is not destiny. The Minnesota Study showed that both continuity and change are possible. Protective factors at any stage of life can shift the developmental trajectory.
• Worldviews formed in infancy shape how children interpret ambiguous situations. Kids with secure histories tend to assume accidents were accidental and people are helpful; kids with insecure histories may assume hostility where none exists.
• Peer relationships are critical labs for learning conflict resolution. Children learn things in peer relationships they simply cannot learn from parents — because peers are equals.
• Resilience is a developmental achievement, not a trait. It is not something you're born with and it's not permanent — it is built through experience and relationships over time.
• "Good enough" parenting is real and validated by data. The Minnesota Study was surprised by how many children from poverty were securely attached — even with only modestly sensitive parenting.
• You don't need tricks. You need a mindset. Secure attachment is not a checklist of behaviors — it is a relational orientation of attunement and responsiveness.
• Your child will teach you what they need. Pay attention to their cues — even a baby turning their head away is communicating something real.
• All research is "me-search." Dr. Sroufe and Eli both reflect on how their own histories drew them to this work — and why that's a strength, not a weakness.

Dr. L. Alan Sroufe is Professor Emeritus of Child Psychology at the University of Minnesota Institute of Child Development and the lead researcher of the Minnesota Longitudinal Study of Risk and Adaptation — one of the most important and longest-running prospective studies of human development ever conducted, now spanning over 50 years. He is the author of A Compelling Idea and co-author (with his wife June Sroufe) of the new book The Development and Organization of Meaning: How Individual Worldviews Develop in Relationships.

🔗 Connect with Dr. Sroufe on LinkedIn

• 📖 The Development and Organization of Meaning: How Individual Worldviews Develop in Relationships — L. Alan Sroufe & June Sroufe Cambridge University Press | Amazon
• 📖 A Compelling Idea: How We Become the Persons We Are — L. Alan Sroufe Amazon | Safer Society Press
• 📖 How to Deal with Your Beep So Your Kids Don't Have To — Eli Harwood (coming soon — sign up at attachmentnerd.com for updates)

• 🔬 Minnesota Longitudinal Study of Risk and Adaptation (MLSRA) University of Minnesota Institute of Child Development
• 🔬 The Strange Situation (Mary Ainsworth) — The foundational attachment assessment procedure discussed throughout this episode Learn more
• 🏫 Dr. Robert Pianta's Teacher-Student Relationship Research & MyTeachingPartner Program (mentioned by Dr. Sroufe re: school-based secure base interventions) University of Virginia — Measures by Dr. Pianta
• 🌱 Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development (TBRI®) — Texas Christian University (mentioned by Eli in reference to her AAI training) child.tcu.edu

• 🌐 Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

What if the secret to surviving modern parenting chaos was something you were already born knowing how to do — play? In this warm, funny, and genuinely useful conversation, Eli sits down with Mia Wisinski, founder of Playful Heart Parenting, to explore how playfulness isn't just a "nice to have" — it's one of the most powerful tools we have for co-regulating our kids, building secure attachment, and staying sane ourselves. From silly power reversal games to what to do when you're about to lose it, Mia and Eli swap real-life strategies, honest confessions about their own "demand ruts," and a live round of the jingle game that you'll want to try at home tonight.

• Playfulness is innate — it just gets "weaned out" of us. Every parent has a playful side; life, culture, and stress just suppress it over time. The good news: it's still there, and your body will remember it when you re-enter playful contexts.
• Power reversal is the magic key. Letting your kids have the power — pretending to be the confused parent, the butler, the butt-dragged-around-the-room adult — gives kids a sense of autonomy and defuses tension faster than demands ever will.
• Play doesn't require a time block. The most effective playfulness is woven into ordinary moments: doing the voice of the laundry hamper, turning dish cleanup into a levitation trick, singing your way through a routine. You can be playful while doing what you're already doing.
• When you're triggered, pause and self-assess first. Before trying to flip into play mode, check in with yourself — most of the time the edge you're feeling has nothing to do with your kids. A little self-compassion ("of course you feel this way") creates the space to pivot.
• Singing activates the vagus nerve. When you sing instead of bark orders, you literally force a longer exhale and start to move yourself out of fight-or-flight — which makes play more accessible even on hard days.
• Play can also be a recovery tool. After a hard season or a tough stretch, a silly improv game together is one of the most effective ways to come back to each other and remember what connection feels like.
• Isolation makes playfulness harder. We were never meant to parent in isolation. If you're struggling to be playful, it might simply mean you need more community — friends, other parents, or even a social feed full of inspiration like Mia's.
• Kids remember the little silly moments. The random everyday bits of playfulness — like a mom who sings every time she takes her pill — become core memories for children. You don't have to engineer magic moments; just stay present and silly in the small ones.

Mia Wisinski is the founder of Playful Heart Parenting, which she started in 2023 after realizing playfulness was the missing piece in her own parenting. A theater educator, performer, and songwriter, Mia helps families use playfulness as a powerful tool for parent-child regulation and secure attachment — making it easy, sustainable, and genuinely fun for tired parents.

• 🌐 Website: playfulheartparenting.com
• 📸 Instagram: @playfulheartparenting

• 🎮 Tap Into Play App Bundle (Would You Rather, Plot Twist, You Are, Who Can Sound Like & more — 1,400+ unique prompts): playfulheartparenting.com/php-apps
• 📚 Activate Play Mode Course by Mia Wisinski: playfulheartparenting.com/about-activate-play-mode
• 📓 Uniquely Us: Mother–Daughter Journal by Eli Harwood (ages 8+): attachmentnerd.com/books/uniquely-us | Also on Amazon
• 🔗 Playful Heart Parenting — All Resources: playfulheartparenting.com

https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

In this solo episode, Eli Harwood (The Attachment Nerd) takes a compassionate dive into trauma — what it actually is, how it gets lodged in our bodies, and most importantly, how we begin to move through it. Eli breaks down the difference between a true trauma trigger and a new event, shares a deeply personal parenting story about her own trauma response, and offers practical, accessible tools for healing — including the concept of "glimmers" and the power of body awareness.

• Trauma is personal. What feels traumatic to one person's nervous system may not to another's — and that's shaped by your wiring, lived history, and identity.
• Eli's working definition of trauma: Any experience that creates a significant threat to your physical safety, your social belonging, or your sense of dignity and identity.
• Trauma is more than the event. It's the event + your body's response + the narrative you build around both of those things.
• Triggers vs. new events: A trigger is your nervous system misreading the present as the past. A new event is genuinely difficult — and you're allowed to recognize that difference.
• Body memory is real. Your nervous system stores trauma as physical sensations — not just explicit memories — which is why healing requires body-based work, not just talking.
• The "red berry" metaphor: Your brain tries to protect you by pattern-matching past threats — but it can misfire on your toddler's tantrum the same way it would on a real danger.
• Healing practices matter. EMDR and Somatic Experiencing are two evidence-based modalities that work with the body to process trauma, not just the mind.
• Glimmers are your anchor. The concept coined by Deb Dana — small, grounding moments of safety — can be intentionally cultivated to help rewire your nervous system toward regulation.
• There is a safe grown-up in the room — and it's you. Looking at your hands, your age, your capabilities can help your body recognize you are no longer the child who was powerless.
• Every day is a new day to rewrite your story and choose how you respond.

Eli Harwood (aka The Attachment Nerd) is a licensed therapist with 19+ years of clinical experience, USA TODAY bestselling author, and founder of the Secure Parenting Program. She is on a mission to help make the world a better place, one attachment relationship at a time.

• 🌐 Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

• Eli's New Book — How to Deal with Your ___ So Your Kids Don't Have To: View on Amazon
• Eli Harwood — Raising Securely Attached Kids: View on Amazon
• Eli Harwood — Securely Attached (workbook): View on Amazon
• Deb Dana — The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy (where "glimmers" was coined): View on Amazon

• Find an EMDR Therapist (EMDRIA Directory): https://www.emdria.org/
• Somatic Experiencing International (Find a Practitioner): https://traumahealing.org/

• "Glimmers" — coined by Deb Dana, LCSW: Learn more at Rhythm of Regulation

https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Mentioned in this episode:

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In this episode, Eli Harwood sits down with Rachael Shepard-Ohta — founder of Hey, Sleepy Baby and host of the No One Told Us podcast — for an honest, research-grounded, and deeply human conversation about infant and toddler sleep. Together, they dismantle the sleep training culture war, explore what science actually tells us about infant sleep variability, and offer practical, compassionate strategies for exhausted parents. No shame, no judgment — just real talk.

• Infant sleep is highly variable and non-linear. Research confirms that sleep does not simply get better week by week — it's a rollercoaster tied to rapid developmental milestones, and this is completely normal.
• You are not doing it wrong. A regression or bad night is not a sign of parenting failure. It is often just a developmental phase to ride out.
• The "sunset scaries" are real — and romanticizing your own nighttime routine (podcasts, face masks, fancy tea) can rewire your nervous system to look forward to the hard hours instead of dreading them.
• Temperament and sensory needs shape sleep more than any particular method. Two kids in the same household, with the same parents and same routines, can be completely different sleepers.
• Cross-cultural perspective matters. In Japan and other collectivist cultures, co-sleeping is the norm — and those children grow into highly independent individuals, suggesting that the Western rush toward forced infant independence may be backwards.
• Dependence comes before independence. Kids need to feel they can count on you first — secure attachment and responsiveness are what grow authentic independence, not withholding comfort.
• There is no one right method. Whether you choose to co-sleep, room-share, use routines, or try a gentler sleep approach — if it feels aligned with your values and your child's temperament, and it's safe, it's valid.
• Attachment is about overall patterns, not individual hard nights. Two tough days during a sleep transition will not override a foundation of responsiveness and connection.

Rachael Shepard-Ohta is the founder of Hey, Sleepy Baby, a certified sleep consultant with a Master's in Education and certifications in infant-parent mental health. She is also the host of the No One Told Us and You're So Right podcasts, a San Francisco mom of three, and has a book coming out February 2027. Rachael helps families find responsive, attachment-based sleep solutions without guilt or forceful sleep training.

• 🌐 Website: heysleepybaby.com
• 📸 Instagram: @heysleepybaby
• 🎥 YouTube: Hey Sleepy Baby
• 💼 LinkedIn: Rachael Shepard-Ohta

• 🔬 Infant Sleep Variability Research — Longitudinal Study of Sleep Behavior in Normal Infants During the First Year of Life (Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine, 2014) — Research confirming that infant sleep duration shows high inter-individual variability and does not improve in a linear fashion.
• 🧠 Infant & Toddler Sleep Research Narrative Review (2025) — ScienceDirect — Comprehensive overview of 25 years of infant sleep research, covering developmental shifts, parenting practices, and behavioral sleep interventions.
• 🌍 Co-Sleeping in Context: Japan vs. U.S. Study — PubMed / Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine — Classic cross-cultural study showing that co-sleeping in Japan is not associated with increased sleep problems.
• 🇯🇵 Co-Sleeping: Cultural Norms Around the World — Hey Sleepy Baby Blog — Rachael's own deep-dive into how cultures like Japan approach infant sleep very differently from the U.S.
• 🌡️ Temperament + Sleep Workshop — Hey Sleepy Baby — Rachael's live workshop helping parents decode their child's temperament and sensory style to support better sleep.
• 😴 Sensory Ideas for Better Sleep — Hey Sleepy Baby Blog — Free resource on how sensory needs and temperament affect sleep at every age.
• 🎧 No One Told Us Podcast — Apple Podcasts | Spotify — Rachael's own podcast covering the raw, unfiltered truths of parenthood.
• 📚 Hey Sleepy Baby Free Resources & Guides — heysleepybaby.com — Courses, workshops, 1-on-1 consults, and free blog content.

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/