In this episode of The Observatory, James ‘Fish’ Gill joins the show to discuss his new book, How to Fall in Love with Humanity. The book explains our tendency to frame the people who hurt us as villains and how we can overcome that and bring love and awareness to our pain. James Gill is a heart coach, yoga teacher, and transformational facilitator based in Perth, Australia. He supports couples, businesses, and community groups to regrow trust, connection, and understanding. Hear James’s personal story of creating a victim villain narrative, why the mind naturally villainizes, why villainizing is unskillful, and the best way to deal with the person who hurt you.
 
Timestamps

[02:34] About the book: How to Fall in Love with Humanity
[04:50] James’s personal story of creating a victim-villain narrative
[11:03] Why does the mind naturally villainize?
[11:26] Why is villainizing unskillful?
[14:00] LaRae’s experience of being framed as the villain
[19:07] Scott’s experience of being framed as the villain
[23:38] The evolution aspect of villainizing others
[31:42] Bringing love and awareness to your pain
[35:40] The difference between analysis and experience
[44:19] The three questions behind what causes malicious intent
[51:15] The best way to deal with the person who hurt you
[54:23] The short-term benefits of villainizing others
[59:28] The only way to heal completely 
[01:04:37] The only way to communicate with the person who hurt you
[01:14:35] Special offer for getting the book

Notable Quotes:

• “Our minds naturally create a victim-villain narrative.” - James Gill [04:29]
• “When we are framed as the villain, we contract, shut down, withdraw, pull away, defend, and fight back.” - James Gill [22:46]
• “When we villainize others, we always evoke their defense.” - James Gill [23:09]
• “You are the only person that can bring love and awareness to your pain.” - James Gill [31:50]
• “The only way to heal completely is to involve the person who hurt you.” - LaRae Wright [59:28]

Relevant links:

Website: https://www.leadbyheart.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/james_fish_gill/
New Book: How to Fall in Love with Humanity

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