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With all the demands of raising kids on our own with less than optimal resources, money and time it is VERY easy to become mentally overwhelmed. To work towards emotional / mental balance it is important to identify two categories to focus on.

• Things we have control over

• Things we don’t have control over

When we face unpleasant situations it is natural to react with anger, worry, fear, anxiety etc. Finding emotional balance helps us to attain flexibility and promotes stabilization between our mind and body. In other words, emotional balance teaches us how to respond to negative emotions and thoughts without just getting stuck in them.

The most important component to mental or emotional health we have complete control over - our perspective. Defining the correct perspective dictates our quality of life and is the root what we model for our kids, of how we communicate and experience every encounter and thought

It starts and ends with this - God is in control - nothing has caught him off guard. We are constantly surprised - He is never. And He can be trusted with wellbeing and our ability to face anything we are facing.

That being, there are things we can do that will bring balance to our emotional / mental state. First, let’s identify things that we do have control over. They might be mundane things like - feeding the kids, being fully present, showing up to work, how I speak to my ex , finding community, pausing / meditation and then there are the more internal things like choosing the right perspective, being grateful, giving ourselves grace or pursuing humor.

A recent healthline article offers some different approaches.“The less-dominant side of your brain is the area that controls feelings of self-confidence and optimism. When you think about something other than your daily worries, you increase activity in the neural structures of that area of your brain.

Reading - Beyond the mechanics, reading helps you visualize the subject matter on the pages before you, and imagine what voices sound like in the written dialogue. it can stoke the imagination and ignite so many different parts of the brain.

Be positive with yourself Positive affirmation is one avenue to increased mental proficiency.

Play games - Games that test reasoning and other portions of your brain are fun ways to keep your mind sharp. (Even video games)”

Now let's tackle the harder side of mental balance - things we have no control over: That might be our ex’s behavior, the complexities of day to day, unexpected issues - kids being sick, people's perception of what caused the divorce or how we are parenting.

Here is what Psychology Today says this about facing things beyond our control. “When you find yourself worrying, take a minute to examine the things you have control over. You can't prevent a storm from coming, but you can prepare for it. You can't control how someone else behaves, but you can control how you react. Recognize that, sometimes, all you can control is your effort and your attitude. When you put your energy into the things you can control, you'll be much more effective.”

We have found these questions helpful. When facing things that we may have little or NO control over ask yourself:

What am I actually feeling? anger, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, or surprise

What can I learn? Prayer - God, what are you teaching me?

Whats the next right thing / response?

What am I grateful for?

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