Chris Gillis is back from vacation and rejoins Marni to discuss another episode of this extremely overproduced season of The Bachelor. Several of the main players are emotionally immature, including the leading man. Conversations seem canned, there is a lot of needless crying, and now that Clayton finally gave Shanae the boot, who will keep the drama alive?

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

• Clayton plays follow the leader
• How to ask high-quality questions with follow up
• Crying as a default strategy is not communication
• Age truly is just a number

 

Clayton is Not a Leading Man [2:25]

In being cast as the title role on The Bachelor, one might assume that Clayton would take on a leadership role and embody some leadership qualities. Unfortunately, his chameleon-like persona doesn’t allow him to take control of anything. He seems lost and unprepared for engagement or marriage. 

In this episode, he finally gives Shanae the boot and then acted embarrassed that he didn’t do it sooner. It is as if he lacks the nads to stand behind his decisions. Showing once again that a handsome beefcake may not be a perfect match.

When Mara talks to Clayton about Sarah’s age, instead of asking Sarah directly if she thinks she is ready to be in a relationship, he poses it as if someone has been putting doubts in his head about her. Of course, Sarah starts crying instead of answering. No one really knows what her objective was for crying so much. Was it because she thinks she is losing? 

Asking direct high-quality questions, no matter how uncomfortable, is always the best course of action.

 

Defaulting to Victim [11:55]

Some women cry as a default strategy when they don’t want to answer a question or face up to their feelings. Crying is not always connected to sadness. Sarah could have expressed herself but she just cried. Therefore, Clayton doesn't know what to do with it. 

Crying can be a healthy expression and release our emotions and tension. It may be being used as a manipulation tool in the case of this show. It shows immaturity and a lack of communication skills. 

In relationships, there are important conversations that need to be had. You should be able to answer your own truth.  

When you say something in line with your values or boundaries and the other person has an emotional reaction, it may be difficult but you are not responsible for how they feel. 

 

The Age Factor [18:33]

No matter what your age or circumstance, you have the potential to be the best catch in the room. We are all just a few mindset shifts away from having it all. Stories and prejudgments stop us from really getting to know people. 

On the show, Mara, 32, continues to bring up her age as if that is why she is not the frontrunner. Then asks Clayton if 23-year-old Sarah is truly ready for a long-term relationship. The truth is Clayton is not into Mara. He may sense that Mara is not truly happy with where she is. She has age dysmorphia and it is unattractive.

Anything is possible no matter how old you are when you are being true to yourself and living your best life. 

 

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