Our children are growing up and venturing out into the big wide world on their own or with friends. Katy Gosset looks at how we manage our own anxiety and let our children spread their wings.

What price freedom ? Our children are growing up and venturing out into the big wide world on their own or with friends. Katy Gosset looks at how we manage our own anxiety and let our children spread their wings.

Subscribe free to Are We There Yet? on iTunes, RadioPublic, Spotify, RadioPublic or Stitcher.

Ellen* is the first to describe herself as 'a bit of a worrier'.

''I'm the parent that's scared of vans pulling up near my children, you know child abductions."

As they've got older she's less stressed about it but she does monitor her children's phones - with their consent.

''I like to be able to track where they're going on their phones. They've never had a problem with that because they know that I'm a little bit paranoid."

She's happy that her ex-partner does plenty of outdoor and riskier activities with them while she 'grits her teeth'

" are really nice about it but it's definitely something I've had to work on as a parent.''

And Laura* has been going through the same thing with her teenage son who has been brought up in a rural setting but is beginning to explore the city.

"Initially that was quite unnerving for me because you just never know what he's going to come across when he's wandering around the central city by himself."

And then there's the drinking culture.

''The biggest challenge we've had over the last 12 months with him is alcohol. He's in a situation where he's going to parties where people are drinking and drinking heavily at 15 and 16.''

At a recent party Laura allowed him to take two drinks and a post-party debrief showed that was a good compromise.

"He was happy that that's all he'd taken and he'd seen how ridiculous people got. He was very mature about it. I kind of have a bit of faith in him in that sense that he does make the right decisions."

In fact, knowing what to allow at what age is a tough one for any parent to navigate.

Clinical psychologist Catherine Gallagher said children inevitably changed as they got older.

''When is the right time and around what issues are we going to change with our kids?"

"That gets complicated. Whoever said this parenting gig wasn't complicated was probably lying.''…

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details