Most divorcing couples are good at the blame game. They cast their former partner as the villain and spend a lot of time stewing in bitterness and anger. But if that kind of ongoing adversarial relationship is not what you want for your kids, there is a way to clean up the wreckage of the past and build something new. There is a way to have a happy divorce.

Nikki DeBartolo and Benjamin Heldfond are the coauthors and coparents behind Our Happy Divorce: How Ending Our Marriage Brought Us Closer Together. They are also the cocreators of Our Happy Divorce, a platform designed to empower people to think differently about divorce, coparenting, stepparenting, and what it means to put kids first.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Nikki and Ben join Katherine to explain how their definition of a happy divorce has evolved over time and discuss the process they went through to build the relationship they have today. They offer advice for divorcing couples who are struggling with forgiveness, describing how they make decisions based on what’s best for their son and why you can’t live in the past if you want a happy divorce. Listen in for Nikki and Ben’s insight on owning your role in a breakup and learn how to facilitate your own happy divorce!

Topics Covered

How Ben & Nikki’s definition of a happy divorce has evolved over time

What prompted Ben to give up trying to destroy Nikki and pursue a happy divorce

Nikki’s experience at the end of her marriage to Ben

Ben & Nikki’s advice for divorcing couples who are struggling with forgiveness

Why Ben & Nikki had to forgive themselves first for the failure of their marriage

Why former couples can’t live in the past if they want a happy divorce

How Ben & Nikki make decisions based on what’s best for their son

The long process it took for Ben & Nikki to build the relationship they have today

Ben & Nikki’s principles of a happy divorce

Forgive first

Swallow the ego

Be accountable

Connect with Nikki DeBartolo & Benjamin Heldfond

Our Happy Divorce: https://ourhappydivorce.com/

Our Happy Divorce on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ourhappydivorce/?hl=en

Our Happy Divorce on Twitter: https://twitter.com/OurHappyDivorce

Our Happy Divorce on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ourhappydivorce/

Our Happy Divorce Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/923343194711864/

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246

Email: [email protected]

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Our Happy Divorce: How Ending Our Marriage Brought Us Closer Together by Nikki DeBartolo and Benjamin Heldfond: https://mascotbooks.com/mascot-marketplace/buy-books/nonfiction/self-help-diy/our-happy-divorce/