What the Heck is a Boundary?

• A boundary isn’t just a rule—it’s a way to identify, communicate, and maintain the environment you need to be the person you want to be.

• Boundaries aren’t about controlling other people. They’re about controlling your space and how you respond to what happens in it.

🏡 Fence Analogy:

• Think of a boundary like a fence around your house. You’ve got a walkway up to the front door—that’s how you do relationships with me. That’s the space I’ve clearly defined where I invite people into my life.

• Now, let’s say someone jumps my fence, walks around to the back, and starts banging on my window—I’m not going to be friendly. That’s a boundary violation.

• A boundary is saying, ‘If you want to be in my life, here’s how you enter. If you break in, don’t expect a warm welcome.

Boundaries and requests are not the same thing.

🚧 Boundaries: What You Control

• A boundary is about you. It’s about what you will or won’t tolerate and how you respond when it’s crossed.

• You don’t need permission to set a boundary. You enforce it.

Example: "I don’t engage in raised-voice discussions. If it gets loud, I step away."

🙋‍♂️ Requests: What You Hope for

• A request is asking someone else to change their behavior. And here’s the catch: they can say no.

Example: "Hey, could you lower your voice when we argue?" (That’s a request.) "I don’t do raised-voice discussions. If it happens, I’ll remove myself." (That’s a boundary.)

If you keep making the same request and it keeps getting ignored, it’s probably time for a boundary.

Men Struggle with Boundaries

• Most men don’t set boundaries because they don’t want to be ‘that guy.’ They don’t want to seem demanding or make things awkward.

• So instead of setting a boundary, they make requests… and then get mad when those requests are ignored.

How to Actually Set Boundaries:

 Setting a boundary that actually works:

1. Identify what you need. ("I need calm discussions.")

2. State the boundary clearly. ("If the conversation turns aggressive, I’ll walk away.")

3. Follow through. (Actually walk away.)

The Key Rule: If you don’t enforce it, it’s not a boundary—it’s a suggestion.

Takeaways:

• What’s one area of your life where you keep making requests when you really need to set a boundary?

• Think about a time you got frustrated because someone ignored your needs. Did you set a boundary, or were you just making requests?

• At work? In your relationship? With friends? Where do you keep hoping someone will change instead of taking action?

• Boundaries aren’t for them. They’re for you. They protect your peace, your energy, and your sanity.

Listener Challenge:

• This week, take one ignored request and turn it into a boundary. Follow through, and see what happens.

• Write down one situation where you’ve been frustrated by someone’s behavior. Is it a request or a boundary?
• Take a second. What’s one area in your life where you feel drained, disrespected, or frustrated? That’s probably where a boundary needs to go.

• Shoot us a message in AMG, share your experience, and let’s keep growing together.