In the wake of Cyclone Gabrielle, many parents are facing a loss of home or livelihood or, at the every least, a massive cleanup. So what do you say to children about all of this ? Katy Gosset takes a look at how to calm their fears.

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In the wake of Cyclone Gabrielle, many parents are facing a loss of home or livelihood or, at the very least, a massive cleanup. So what do you say to children about all of this ? Katy Gosset takes a look at how to calm their fears.

Sarah* says her 10-year-old son Nate* "feels all these emotions and he feels them really big".

Since Cyclone Gabrielle struck there have been "a few more outbursts" and he recently asked her: "What's going to happen when I die?"

"He's a lot more aware of the lives lost," she said.

Sarah's family lives close to the Tukituki River near Haumoana in Hawke's Bay and made a hasty evacuation, swimming from their home as flood waters rose.

"The water was lapping at the deck to the house. It was rushing in, so we really thought that we'd lost the house."

Luckily the water stopped short, getting within 50mm of flooding the house but sheds and outbuildings have all been damaged.

For Jane's* family on the inland road between Gisborne and Wairoa, their home is undamaged but the road to Gisborne is washed out and a trip to town now means a journey over a makeshift track.

Her daughter, who has just started Year 9, cannot get to high school and Jane is worried about the impact academically and socially.

''It's scary. I'm scared especially for my high school girl. I'm not sure where we're going to go from here."

And then there is their livelihood.

"We're on a farm. Are we going to get our stock out? How are we going to do that? And I guess that stress is also probably reflected back on the kids a little bit too.''

For both families, there is stress and the challenge of knowing what to tell children and how to alleviate their fears.

Clinical psychologist Catherine Gallagher says it is important to make time to listen to children's worries. On Are We There Yet? she discusses how to help kids make sense of it all.

Tips for parents

- Get the basics sorted: food, shelter and making sure you are safe.

"That stuff really matters because if we are not feeling safe, then some of that higher level thinking and wondering and worrying actually doesn't count because our systems aren't settled enough to take that on board," Gallagher says.

- Look after yourself and keep calm to better help your children…

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details