新年的第一天
早晨,天空下起了雨
没有融化的雪,覆盖在大地
雪被清洗后的。我会闻到
泥土与草的气息,被蹂躏的叶
轻柔的依偎在泥水的胸膛
那些我曾经得到爱的,不多的女人们
她们仍在保持着一个梦的睡姿
在西海岸。或者维吉尼亚州
我一个人,步行穿过乡野
只有几头年轻的母牛,陪我远行
它们正值风华,却又容易害羞
正如我记忆里的女孩们
初中的时候,我便遇见她们
她们从不喜欢说话,总是低着头
女孩们喜欢,把双臂叠起
放在刚刚有些隆起的胸口
现在年近四十。如我一样,
她们有时必须忍受深夜的孤独
站在窗口,看向远方
在安静的后院,有一个
草坪上生锈的椅子。还有墙
以及远处别人家的房子
她们必定会在一些寂静的午后
躺在空旷的床上哭泣
只为,那些曾经的快乐,幸福
和不知所谓的人生
生命已经如此远行许久
却没有一次
给我们活着的答案。我不知道
为什么我会在这里行走
我的风衣,随着天空的暗淡隐没
我的靴子,沉入荒野的泥泞
每一次拔出时,轻微的声音
我喜欢听。我不在乎那沉重的感觉
那些女孩如今去了哪里
不管她们今天如何,都不再与我有关
他们会有怎样的今天
我无法理会,也不想过问
今天,我只想这样行走
感受一段时间的寒冷
我会抬起头,把我的脸
迎向这漫天冷雨的祝福
翻译/刘汉皇
作者 / [美国] 基姆·阿东尼兹奥
附:原诗
New Year’s Day
The rain this morning falls
on the last of the snow
and will wash it away. I can smell
the grass again, and the torn leaves
being eased down into the mud.
The few loves I’ve been allowed
to keep are still sleeping
on the West Coast. Here in Virginia
I walk across the fields with only
a few young cows for company.
Big-boned and shy,
they are like girls I remember
from junior high, who never
spoke, who kept their heads
lowered and their arms crossed against
their new breasts. Those girls
are nearly forty now. Like me,
they must sometimes stand
at a window late at night, looking out
on a silent backyard, at one
rusting lawn chair and the sheer walls
of other people’s houses.
They must lie down some afternoons
and cry hard for whoever used
to make them happiest,
and wonder how their lives
have carried them
this far without ever once
explaining anything. I don’t know
why I’m walking out here
with my coat darkening
and my boots sinking in, coming up
with a mild sucking sound
I like to hear. I don’t care
where those girls are now.
Whatever they’ve made of it
they can have. Today I want
to resolve nothing.
I only want to walk
a little longer in the cold
blessing of the rain,
and lift my face to it