It's been 19 years since the release of Philosopher's Stone! In this movie: the film does the book justice! Petunia is underrated, Quirrell is straight out of CBBC, the music is completely out of control, and why wasn't Hugh Grant in this?

Zoe reads Back to the Burrow and Robin reads The Slug Club. In these chapters: Draco is a big boy now, the twins are missing Percy dreadfully, Harry's like his father in a bad way, and everyone's got a famous uncle or they have trauma, except lucky Harry who has both.

Zoe reads Owl Post Again and Robin reads Hermione's Helping Hand. In these chapters: McLaggen is lad culture, Lupin is good at honesty and Ron is very bad at it, Fudge is reaching new levels of incompetence, and Pig has arrived!

Zoe reads Professor Trelawney's Prediction and Robin reads A Sluggish Memory. In these chapters: Harry has taken on Wood's burden, there are too many daddies, Ron is being considerate of his mother, and Lavendar is a very gifted seer, actually.

Zoe reads The Quidditch Final and Robin reads Birthday Surprises. In these chapters: Harry is sad to see Draco's friendships falling apart, Ron is considering being nice to his girlfriend, Harry is a very important and special boy and where's all this excitement for Hermione's slap?

Zoe reads Flight of the Fat Lady and Robin reads The Seer Overheard. In these chapters: wizards are not very vegan, Nearly Headless Nick deals with his trauma in his own way, the sun is both rising and setting on Ron and Lavender's relationship, and Rowan Atkinson is definitely not dead.

Zoe reads The Knight Bus and Robin reads The White Tomb. In these chapters: Harry needs a wheely suitcase, Fudge is a terrible safeguarding officer, wizards loved Princess Diana, and Hermione is a much better friend to her friends than her friends are to her or each other.

Zoe reads Dobby's Reward and Robin reads The Dursleys Departing. In these chapters: wizards rule muggles drool, the good guys are bad guys, Harry's got a TED talk, and sometimes people can grow up to be not horrible!

Zoe reads Mudbloods and Murmurs and Robin reads the Thief. In these chapters: we rank Harry's homes, Gilderoy Lockhart is Bear Grylls with a hair dryer, Colin Creevey is the OG stan, and Dumbledore is, as usual, playing the long game.

Zoe reads Norbert the Norwegian Ridgeback and Robin reads The Wandmaker. In these chapters: Hogwarts is Love Island and also mostly library, Harry is a fake friend, Hagrid is endless sidequests, there are Malfoy manners at Malfoy Manor, and the world just needs more laughter.