I guess you could say I’ve had an epiphany, or an ‘aha’ moment in learning to accept myself.

I’ve realized that all throughout my life, I was always trying to be someone else. I would look up to those successful entrepreneurs, or famous celebrities, or even that popular kid in my high school and try to do everything they would do.

But I’m naturally a more quiet, shy, introverted kid, especially with those I’m not comfortable with. My friends would disagree, but I also love being alone.

So everytime I tried to be someone else, it felt unnatural, like I was stretching myself thin. And instead of inspiring or motivating me, putting these people on a pedestal just made me feel worse about myself and how they were everything I was not.

--------------------------------

Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Resiliency exercises and to get podcast and blog updates at http://victorung.com/subscribe.

Follow me on Instagram: http://instagram.com/_victorung.

Clap for me on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/victorung/message

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Get full access to Human Up at humanup.substack.com/subscribe

Growing up, prioritizing my mental health was not something I explored with anyone. Our family rarely addressed our emotions. Sh*t would happen and we would all go to our respective corners of the house and either distract ourselves with other things or ruminate over it.

In school and in the workplace, I didn’t feel safe enough to talk about my feelings either. I got that sense that no one did, especially the other men around me, so I kept it all to myself. I played it off when I was hurt, or embarrassed, or angry.

Not only did I not have a male role model that was willing to be vulnerable and sit in humility, but I also haven’t seen many examples of men of color doing so, at least in mainstream media. I know there are many more voicing themselves now and I am so glad that they are, but for the most part, it’s still a missing avenue for a lot of us.

Representation is so important for young people. We want to follow someone we can identify with and relate to. To be able to model ourselves after someone we'd like to become. Without it, there's potential to feel lonely, like we don't belong anywhere, and that we have to do everything on our own. 

But that's never the case. All throughout history, humans have survived by working together as a team. No one does it alone. And that's why we need to see more examples of people from diverse backgrounds represented in every industry, let alone the wellness industry. 

-------------------------------------

Timestamps:

[8:14] There are all these young people looking for help, where are all the adults?

[15:05] How can we address the lack of diversity in wellness spaces

[18:29] Immigrant families didn't have the privilege and disposable income to prioritize mental wellness because there wasn’t a tangible benefit

[28:32] Culture plays both a positive and negative role in how we perceive our individual values

[33:57] Media has the power and responsibility with branding and representation to make it safe to be vulnerable

[39:48] Technology can be used as a force for positivity

[41:08] Respect your cultural and familial values, but know that they are also subjective, so you can choose what to believe in

[51:01] End segment: when were you last angry, sad, and excited in your life?

[58:16] What is Mike up to and where can you find him?

-------------------------------------

Learn more about Mike and his story at https://www.mikesagun.com/about.

Follow him on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/mike.sagun or at https://www.instagram.com/theunshakableman.

Find more about Mike’s Unshakable Man program at https://www.mikesagun.com/unshakableprogram or at http://unshakableman.me.

Create or join a free Men’s group in your city at https://evryman.com/groups.

-------------------------------------

Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Resiliency exercises and to get podcast and blog updates at http://victorung.com/subscribe.

Follow me on Instagram: http://instagram.com/_victorung.

Clap for me on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/victorung/message

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Get full access to Human Up at humanup.substack.com/subscribe

After embarking on this journey to improve my own emotional intelligence, I’ve found that the lack thereof not only resulted in stagnation within my career, but in my romantic relationships as well. I didn’t know myself, I didn’t know what values to confidently stand behind, I wasn’t aware of, nor was I expressive with my emotions, and now I’ve realized, that was what was unattractive to everyone.

I’ve had many failed attempts at trying to “generate” attraction with women. Because women didn’t seem to be attracted to me, I thought I had to create a spark when meeting women. I tried to memorize the tactics, or lines, or ways to manipulate the interaction so that they would like me. Obviously, that didn’t work either.

I’m still trying to figure things out for myself, with the help from Ed Baxter, a men’s relationship coach I found on Facebook. We discuss how we should focus on ourselves first, and on how we think and feel about ourselves before focusing on others.

----------------------------------------------
[5:31] How settling for someone creates gaps and insecurities in what you want and need from a relationship

[11:38] Create meaningful relationships by separating your identity as an introvert from the label of shyness

[13:40] Introversion and social anxiety are mutually exclusive

[16:28] How can introverts put ourselves out there more?

[19:29] Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness, but of courage

[24:52] The tactics rarely generate genuine attraction

[26:07] What can we do to develop deeper connections?

[30:42] If you want a more connected relationship, you have to connect back to your own emotions and intuition

[34:17] As long as you have faith in your authenticity, you can detach yourself from outside judgments

[39:03] Stand out from the crowd in dating by being open, calm, and present with her and the woman inside

[41:43] You can't feel the attraction when you're caught up in judgments

----------------------------------

Subscribe to get your free list of 11 EQ exercises, and to get podcast and blog updates at http://victorung.com/subscribe.

Follow me on Instagram: http://instagram.com/_victorung.

Clap for me on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/victorung/message

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Get full access to Human Up at humanup.substack.com/subscribe

When we lack direction and purpose, we lose all meaning in what we do and why we do it. Without our own sense of direction, we’re also that much more susceptible to other people’s influence. Finding clarity in how you want your future life to look like doesn’t mean setting high, unreachable expectations that will only disappoint you if you don’t hit them. It’s about having that target to aim for, something to work towards, a goal to stand behind. And feeling good getting even just a bit closer to it.

-------------------------------------

[6:33] What is clarity?

[8:16] How do you know you've chosen the right path?

[11:15] How do you deal with the fear of failure?

[13:52] We tell ourselves that we lack clarity, so we're susceptible to other people's wants

[14:56] We lack clarity because we don't make the time for it.

[17:17] Finding clarity means forgetting about the 'how'

[18:53] You don't have to be capable right now, you can become capable

[21:15] Finding clarity is an ongoing process

[23:07] Clarity is found by bringing together the past, present, and future

[23:53] Split the different Creative, Planning, and Judgment modes

[29:23] Develop your ideal day

[38:14] Your actions will start to reflect your beliefs

[39:57] Clarity means looking at other areas of your life

[44:22] Determine who you want to become

[45:09] What if who you want to become is not natural to you?

[47:34] Past identity is not the current identity, so let go of the fear of changing or leaving anything behind

[50:51] Defining your Clarity Manifesto will make it easier to make decisions for yourself

[55:23] Create a movie of your future self to envision how they would behave

---------------------------------

Get the template to find clarity with the Clarity Manifesto here: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1iuxAVr8iH5_bIXnuTeEt3f4tlK3n99tR.

Subscribe to this podcast and blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe.

Follow me on Instagram at http://instagram.com/_victorung.

Clap for me on Medium at http://medium.com/@victorung.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/victorung/message

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Get full access to Human Up at humanup.substack.com/subscribe

Have you've heard of the Lone Wolf mentality?

Being the oldest of the first-generation of kids from an immigrant family, I took on a lot of the pressure and responsibility to perform and to be independent. I found pride in my own ability to take care of myself and do everything on my own, but at the same time, that developed an insecurity of relinquishing control and perfectionism and it isolated me from asking for help and delegating appropriately.

If you can relate, I encourage you to identify your true strengths and find humility in yourself and your weaknesses so that you can find those to support you where you can't support yourself.

You don't have to do life alone.

------------------------------

Subscribe to get your free list of 11 EQ exercises, and to get podcast and blog updates at http://victorung.com/subscribe.

Follow me on Instagram: http://instagram.com/_victorung.

Clap for me on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/victorung/message

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Get full access to Human Up at humanup.substack.com/subscribe

A year ago, I uploaded a video proclaiming that I am going through my own quarter-life crisis. Since then I've connected with so many others going through something similar of their own and learning so much about people, humanity, and life, but most importantly, myself.

If you've noticed yourself stuck somewhere, it might be because we've been taught so much on how to behave for everyone else except ourselves. We were given education on other people's values, but haven't spent enough time identifying our own.

Catch up with me at http://victorung.com.

Follow me on Instagram: http://instagram.com/_victorung.

Clap for me on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.

The first time I talked to a random person over the phone about their struggles was eye-opening: https://medium.com/the-post-grad-survival-guide/i-almost-quit-because-i-wasnt-ready-254ba8b070a0.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/victorung/message

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Get full access to Human Up at humanup.substack.com/subscribe

Have you heard of the happiness equation? 

Happiness = reality - expectations.

My logical mind loved this simple formula to follow in order to be happy!

But what this did was contain me to a certain standard of what my reality was. I assumed that that was a constant variable and only thought I had control over my expectations. So in order to maintain a positive measure of happiness, I just lowered my expectations instead. And that slowly chipped away at my confidence and empowerment because I lost self-agency.

Subscribe to this podcast and my blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/victorung/message

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Get full access to Human Up at humanup.substack.com/subscribe

When we find ourselves stuck in life it's usually because we either have been doing too much without thought, finding ourselves all of a sudden somewhere we don't like to be, or because we keep going in circles over-thinking our next steps, mostly out of fear of something happening or not happening from it.

How do we take consistent action without moving blindly and without over-complicating each step? A piece of it could be to start with knowing where you're at on the spectrum and then be comfortable bouncing back and forth.

VIA Character Strengths Assessment: https://www.viacharacter.org.

Stay connected with this podcast at http://victorung.com/subscribe.

Non-sponsored blog post that I found after publishing this episode. The writer here did a way better job articulating this balance:  https://medium.com/s/more-to-that/the-right-side-of-thought-ac5841311472 

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/victorung/message

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Get full access to Human Up at humanup.substack.com/subscribe

Slow down for a minute.

There's a rush that so many of us feel like we have to chase. It's face-paced and we praise it. We have to get somewhere as fast as possible, get promoted in the shortest number of years, find the perfect partner after just a couple dates, drive everywhere to save time from walking.

But in trying to save time, we lose what time could give us. Beauty, opportunity, adventure.

And when we're pressured to run too fast, it's difficult to see where you're going or what you're aiming at, and that's why we feel lost.  Slow down, breathe, aim, fire.

Stay connected at http://victorung.com/subscribe.

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/victorung/message

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Get full access to Human Up at humanup.substack.com/subscribe

I found this song, "What Do You Love" by Seeb ft Jacob Banks, and it was one of those moments where the lyrics feel like they're speaking right to you.

It made me think about, what it is I do love, which helped me feel better about the direction I'm taking in this transitional point of my life right now.

If you're ever stuck, ask yourself, What do you love? What do you stand for? What do you fall for?

Stay connected at http://victorung.com/subscribe.

--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/victorung/message

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Get full access to Human Up at humanup.substack.com/subscribe