I Can't Fux With You! Confessions of An Uppity Black Woman

Oh, when a Mucinex Booger provides you with a commentary to a question that was never asked, it can only mean one thing, misogynoir is at work. This week's offender is Mr. Aries Spears - who recently found himself in the crosshairs of #ubw's minding their own businessessssss on the innanets. The walking bruise informed us that it was not in our interests to wear what he calls "pterodactyl wings" on our faces. These dinosaur references are in response to the false eyelashes that many women wear. Although seemingly innocuous, Mr. Spears felt it necessary to single out the Sistahs in his unsolicited commentary. When examined deeper, it is another example of the "right" many feel they have to comment on the Black Woman's Body and her choices, from eyelashes, to hair, to weight. When these comments are couched in humor, the misogynoir of it, often slides right past us. But I see you, Aries, Chris, Kevin, and Dave. And I say, (and I know my fellow #ubw will join me), I.Don't.Give.A.Fux.What.You.Say.Bout.Me." Now, someone go grab my pterodactyl wings, I got a plane to catch to Miami.

REFERENCES IN TODAYS EPISODE:

• Aunt Nancy: Shadow of Betrayal
• YAMILY HABIB | JULY 8, 2024, How Being Silently Pissed-Off is Fueling Autoimmune Disorders in Women of Color
• Tariro Mzezewa A Jab at Fake Eyelashes Derailed a Congressional Meeting
• Kevin E G Perry, Diddy sparks outrage from Cassie’s lawyer as he goes whitewater rafting amid investigation: ‘It’s a bad look
• DIDDY MOM HOSPITALIZED Suffering Chest Pains
• Aries Spears Criticizes Black Women Who Wear Eyelashes In Shameless Plug for New Podcast
• Mucinex Booger Man
• LYNN ELBER,  Pinkett Smith talks hair-loss ‘shame,’ outcome of Oscar slap

If you are an Uppity Black Woman, ready to say: I.Can't.Fux.With.You! Visit us at omuwaluxe.com to learn more about The Black Woman Liberation Formula. Sis, it is time to unpretzel and get yourself liberated.

Want to hear more: Subscribe to The Redefining Series, where we examine certain words, and reinterpret them for the Black Woman specifically. The new definitions encourage the Black Woman to think critically about her current state and the application of the newly defined word to her everyday life.
https://www.youtube.com/@omuwaluxe-theredefiningser8183

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We not fuxing with dis-respeck this week or anymore my fellow #ubw. It's a word that remains front and center when there is a discussion regarding the relationships between Black Women and Black Men - often when there is a rebuke of the toleration of disrespect, mistreatment, or abuse, be it of the seemingly  innocuous kind ("I don't date Black Women") to the incredibly violent kind (of the Diddy variety). Thus, I found it most fascinating that when researching articles regarding the tensions surrounding "respect" when it comes to Black peoples, the quote that continued to be referenced by many, was one attributed to Malcolm X, where he says: "The most disrespected person in America, is the black woman. The most un-protected person in America is the black woman. The most neglected person in America, is the black woman." Hence it is unsurprising that when the Black Woman says, no longer will she be dis-respected, it comes as a shock to those so use to disrespecting her. It is actually quite wild. So wild, that ninjas demand respeck even in toothless and homeless forms! Well, if that is the case, you can catch this #ubw doing push-ups on the pole and sending those pics on a family group chat.

REFERENCES IN TODAYS EPISODE

• Goddess Ala - Grief
• Harlem Pride
• Luvvie Ajayi Jones Interview with Fawn Weaver
• Pole Party at Purple Kisses Pole Fitness
• Everything Diddy Has Left or Been Dropped From So Far
• Malcolm X: 'The most disrespected person in America, is the black woman', Speech to women - 1964
• WARTIME Issue No. 4 : Money, Power, Respect
• Respect and Black Men, By Jamilah Lemieux, March 2, 2023
• Kevin Samuels, a Polarizing YouTube Personality, Dies at 57

If you are an Uppity Black Woman, ready to say: I.Can't.Fux.With.You! Visit us at omuwaluxe.com to learn more about The Black Woman Liberation Formula. Sis, it is time to unpretzel and get yourself liberated.

Want to hear more: Subscribe to The Redefining Series, where we examine certain words, and reinterpret them for the Black Woman specifically. The new definitions encourage the Black Woman to think critically about her current state and the application of the newly defined word to her everyday life.
https://www.youtube.com/@omuwaluxe-theredefiningser8183

Sharing is caring. Like and follow us on Instagram @omuwaluxe

We are revisiting an earlier episode, and it is apropos. The dusty a** sons are partcluarly mite covered these days. From the ninja whom I deny knowing to America's "leaders" (I see you Byron Donalds) - the paupers in too large King's clothing continue to beat their chests while leaving a trail of unacknowledged disaster in the background. Mamas I come back to you, please, for the love of all things holy, Get.Your.Dusty.Ass.Sons!

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The sh*t we not fuxing with today is dusty a** sons! Mothers, please retrieve them, so they are not sent out into the world to terrorize Uppity Black Women. Today we examine a recent viral internet story that would be a full on comedic special if it was not colored with a possibly premeditated burglary, gaslighting, misogynoir, and a dusty a** son. Today we go deep into the story of fellow Uppity Black Woman, Ms. Alexis Douge, of "tabi swiper" fame. Ms. Douge was unfortunately victim to a theft of incredibly expensive shoes. The theft was perpetrated by a dusty a** son she met on Tinder.  After engaging in a consensual sexual relationship with this dusty a** son,  the dusty a** son proceeded to steal Ms. Douge's very expensive shoes. When questioned about the theft, the dusty a** son then proceeded to gaslight Ms. Douge, stating that he did not steal the shoes, and only admitted to the theft after Ms. Douge put out an APB on the internets and was able to secure a photo of the dusty a** son's girlfriend wearing the stolen footwear. Nonsense all around.

While on the surface this whole scenario is tinged with humor, the underlying issues presented here are quite disturbing, and frankly, we should all be frightened. Today we will discuss the vitriol directed towards Ms. Douge, although she was the one violated. This vitriol is based in themes of misogynoir as Ms. Douge's choice to have casual sex, as an Uppity Black Woman, flies in the face of the required policing of the Black Woman's body and sexuality, thus any harm that befell Ms. Douge post this sexual encounter was indeed "deserved" by her. Additionally, we examine the delivery of the shoes to the girlfriend of the dusty a** son. While none of us are privy to the conversation regarding the delivery of the used shoes, what does it say about our acceptance of the minimum in relationship. Are we b*tches that are good with used shoes from our partners? If we accept used shoes, why the fux would anyone get us new ones?! Most importantly we discuss how do dusty a** sons become dusty a** sons! Mothers, you know your son is dusty around 10 years old. As parents, we are responsible for ensuring that we provide our children with the tools they need to be functional members of society. If your kid is dusty, do get them the help they need so they do not end up terrorizing society in general and my daughter specifically.

REFERENCES IN TODAYS EPISODE

You can enter Ms. Alexis Douge of "tabi swiper" fame into the google machine.  Essence provides a great overview and additional links to her viral video with images of the dusty a** son.

Trey Anthony,

If you are an Uppity Black Woman, ready to say: I.Can't.Fux.With.You! Visit us at omuwaluxe.com to learn more about The Black Woman Liberation Formula. Sis, it is time to unpretzel and get yourself liberated.

Want to hear more: Subscribe to The Redefining Series, where we examine certain words, and reinterpret them for the Black Woman specifically. The new definitions encourage the Black Woman to think critically about her current state and the application of the newly defined word to her everyday life.
https://www.youtube.com/@omuwaluxe-theredefiningser8183

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I'll tell you what we we are not fuxing with, and that is Juneteenth or Father's Day. For the record,  the people asked to not be executed at random, and they were provided with a day off from work. Any holiday in which a local school district can switch to a more "convenient" day is not a real holiday. Yes, I said it. We not fuxing with Father's Day either in this 2024. Mine is on punishment, and the ninja whom I deny ever knowing, uses the moniker "king." Le sigh.  While clearly this is not the real world, this should not cause anyone's liberation journey to cease. I've been off collecting new items for my table, always pleasantly surprised at my finds which make for the most delicious of feasts. Cole Arthur Riley's liturgies always catch me in a way that take me deep inside. These days I'm unsure if it's the therapy, the medicine, or the pole. Whatever it is, I welcome it. But before we get all emo, another nonsense return of valuables by Mr. Sean Combs aka Puff Daddy aka Puff aka Diddy aka Love (eye roll). Mayor Eric Adams, I'm looking right at you. I mean, is a key to the city actually useful? Oh Negro please.

REFERENCES IN TODAYS EPISODE

• Goddess Marie Laveau - Good Juju
• Juneteenth and the Pain of Performative Activism
• Sean Combs Returns ‘Key to the City of New York’ After Mayor Rescinds Honor
• Cole Arthur Riley, This Here Flesh: Spirituality, Liberation, and the Stories That Make Us
• Wawa
• Unfoldment, Michael B. Beckwith

If you are an Uppity Black Woman, ready to say: I.Can't.Fux.With.You! Visit us at omuwaluxe.com to learn more about The Black Woman Liberation Formula. Sis, it is time to unpretzel and get yourself liberated.

Want to hear more: Subscribe to The Redefining Series, where we examine certain words, and reinterpret them for the Black Woman specifically. The new definitions encourage the Black Woman to think critically about her current state and the application of the newly defined word to her everyday life.
https://www.youtube.com/@omuwaluxe-theredefiningser8183

Sharing is caring. Like and follow us on Instagram @omuwaluxe

We have a whole lot to catch up on, so we fuxing with a great deal today. We are close to the halfway mark for the year.  What dedicated routines have you committed to in order to get some of the promises you made to YOU happen?  What do you do when you fall off your routine (there should be a resounding - "get yo' ass back up" from the audience)? We also catching up on that Ninja and the nonsense that we co-sign on. Namely, the necessity of requiring a video before a decision is made to disassociate and return $$$. The people need to see #ubw dehumanized on the camera before they deem it worth it to denounce the devil. Howard University, I see you. But the meat of today's discussion is on tenderness and the mamas. Mine is still on punishment, but I've given her clear direction on how to get out of the time out corner. This is new for me, truth telling about what I need to feel loved from my mama. Who knew it would make the people so uncomfortable. But before we get all up in our feelings, even pulling out the DIC-TION-ARY to define tenderness, it's Pride Month ya'll, and Ms. PepperMint said: Put a Dollar in My Tit**e,  Put a Dollar in My Tit**e!!

REFERENCES IN TODAY'S EPISODE

• Eric Thomas, Success Is In Your Routine
• Howard University Revokes Sean "Diddy" Combs' Honorary Degree After Video Of Assault On Cassie Surfaces
• Provincetown, MA
• Montclair Pride 2024
• Miss PepperMint       IG:    @peppermint247
• Marilyn Mosby Home Detention To Start Next Week
• Trey Anthony, Black Girl In Love With Herself, Chapter 1, Dear Mama

If you are an Uppity Black Woman, ready to say: I.Can't.Fux.With.You! Visit us at omuwaluxe.com to learn more about The Black Woman Liberation Formula. Sis, it is time to unpretzel and get yourself liberated.

Want to hear more: Subscribe to The Redefining Series, where we examine certain words, and reinterpret them for the Black Woman specifically. The new definitions encourage the Black Woman to think critically about her current state and the application of the newly defined word to her everyday life.
https://www.youtube.com/@omuwaluxe-theredefiningser8183

Sharing is caring. Like and follow us on Instagram @omuwaluxe

We fuxing with Black Mothers and Black Daughters today (or maybe not). The fractures between them are conversation topics covered in the annals of sociology, psychology, the chucch, and our homes. It is complex. The relationship with mine has been brought into full relief as I assess its shaky foundation.  Mired by the cultural mores that say to have a vagina makes one less than - whose fault is it when the women are complicit in their own demise. This question keeps coming up as I consider why I get more upset with the mothers than I do with the fathers. I know now why - it is because I look to the mothers for protection, yet I feel that it is the mothers who throw us to the wolves. It is counter to the story that is told of the innate "love" that a mother bestows upon her children. My experience has not been one of love, but rather one of care (and great care indeed) and feeding. Care is a foundational element for love, but it is not love. And because we have made the words care and love mean the same, the clash of the Black Mother and Black Daughter is unsurprising - our languages are different. I ask for a love that is routine, a love that sees me, acknowledges and protects. Routine love is not an extraordinary ask.

But before we go there, we will celebrate the #ubt (Uppity Black Teens) in my life. Showing them routine love in myriad ways - including ensuring that their legs do not get itchier than they already are.

REFERENCES IN TODAYS EPISODE

• Tanit - Goddess of Pleasure
• Globe Amaranth Tea
• The Wight Foundation
• Psychotherapist CE Anderson Gives Breakdown on the Emotional and Mental Trauma of Black Mother Daughter Relationships,  Black Enterprise Magazine, May 6, 2022
• bell hooks, All About Love: New Visions, Chapter Two, Justice: Childhood Love Lessons

If you are an Uppity Black Woman, ready to say: I.Can't.Fux.With.You! Visit us at omuwaluxe.com to learn more about The Black Woman Liberation Formula. Sis, it is time to unpretzel and get yourself liberated.

Want to hear more: Subscribe to The Redefining Series, where we examine certain words, and reinterpret them for the Black Woman specifically. The new definitions encourage the Black Woman to think critically about her current state and the application of the newly defined word to her everyday life.
https://www.youtube.com/@omuwaluxe-theredefiningser8183

Sharing is caring. Like and follow us on Instagram @omuwaluxe

We not fuxing with Diddy. Just no, we will not make it about him. But rather, what is it that the #ubw needs to sever the ties in these abusive relationships? When I consider the through line of when it is that people are more open to having conversations related to domestic violence against women, specifically Black Women, it is when the victim of the abuse, be it physical, emotional, verbal, or financial, speaks truth about it. Consider the abuse experienced by Rihanna (Chris Brown), Meghan Thee Stallion (Torey Lanez), Reesa Teesa (Legion), Cassie (that ninja 1), myself (that ninja 2), the ties that bind sever when the truth is told about it. But what happens after Sis speaks truth? Who has opened up their hands and their hearts to support Sis in feeling whole again.

Before we jump there today, happy to share some exciting collaborations coming this Hot Girl Summa indeed - some of which include requiring me to make the following PSA: Don't nobody want your dusty as* son (or shirt) .

National Domestic Violence Hotline - Languages: English, Spanish and 200+ through interpretation service Hours: 24/7 - 800.799.SAFE (7233) TEXT START 88788

REFERENCES IN TODAYS EPISODE

• Goddess Erzulie Dantor - Energy Chords
• Larry Jay Gives Worn Clothes A Second Life
• Larry Jay Ghana
• What really happens to Unwanted Clothes?
• The Shade Room: Bishop T.D. Jakes Takes Time During Recent Sermon To Speak On Domestic Violence (WATCH)
• People Magazine, A Complete History of Chris Brown's Legal Troubles
• Megan Thee Stallion Reflects on Tory Lanez Shooting: “People Didn’t Treat Me Like I Was Human”
• Sherri Gordon, Unique Issues Facing Black Women Dealing With Abuse

If you are an Uppity Black Woman, ready to say: I.Can't.Fux.With.You! Visit us at omuwaluxe.com to learn more about The Black Woman Liberation Formula. Sis, it is time to unpretzel and get yourself liberated.

Want to hear more: Subscribe to The Redefining Series, where we examine certain words, and reinterpret them for the Black Woman specifically. The new definitions encourage the Black Woman to think critically about her current state and the application of the newly defined word to her everyday life.
https://www.youtube.com/@omuwaluxe-theredefiningser8183

Sharing is caring. Like and follow us on Instagram @omuwaluxe

I guess we were not fuxing with Mother's Day this year? With a recognition that this holiday can be painful for many, this particular Mother's Day was a reflective one for me. In this season in which I challenge all the things in which I have been trained to believe, the issue that continues to rear its head is the value (or lack thereof) that is placed on my motherhood based on my attachment  to a man. Meaning, while I consider myself an amazing mother - I mean, the Uppity Black Girl in my training program (#ubg), is beyond reproach. Yet, in this moment, those closest to me are unable to acknowledge my excellence in single mother parenting because culture will not allow it. Culture has so trained them to think that single mothering is an abomination - putting it on the level of incest and mass murder.  So what is a #ubw to do. Nothing. This is a matter that is easily solved. It is unnecessary to look outward to know what my value is. 

REFERENCES IN TODAYS EPISODE

• Mame Coumba Bang - Speak Up
• @marriageteachablemoments
• Help A Sister Out // Mother's Day at Change Church // Dr. Dharius Daniels
• 5 Things All Women Can Learn from Abigail in the Bible
• Why are African women more at risk of violence? Nigeria tells a patriarchal tale, Sede Alonge

If you are an Uppity Black Woman, ready to say: I.Can't.Fux.With.You! Visit us at omuwaluxe.com to learn more about The Black Woman Liberation Formula. Sis, it is time to unpretzel and get yourself liberated.

Want to hear more: Subscribe to The Redefining Series, where we examine certain words, and reinterpret them for the Black Woman specifically. The new definitions encourage the Black Woman to think critically about her current state and the application of the newly defined word to her everyday life.
https://www.youtube.com/@omuwaluxe-theredefiningser8183

Sharing is caring. Like and follow us on Instagram @omuwaluxe

We fuxing with rest, in all its forms, because #ubw is exhausted. We are literally waiting to exhale. And if you are a #ubw of a certain age, you are most likely living the movie: Waiting to Exhale. The deep breaths continue. When we do back to back episodes related to the mistreatment, the humbling, the disdain, the disrespect, the persecution - the list continues (MISOGYNOIR).... we get tired. So today we focus on the things that  rejuvenate us, and we fuxung with the seven forms of rest - and all of them are critical to our well being. Leave it to a #ubw to have written THE book on sacred rest. Let me correct that, and put some respek on a Sisters name. It was DR. Saundra Dalton-Smith's book, Sacred Rest  Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity that outlined these forms. For the uninitiated like myself, the Seven Forms of Rest are:

1.  Mental 
2. Creative
3. Social 
4. Spiritual
5. Physical  (Active & Passive)
6. Sensory 
7. Emotional 

Certainly the Sistas coming to Dr. Dalton's office, displayed every type of "#ubw is tired and stressed" illness. I am certain the common refrain Dr. Dalton heard was: Dr. Dalton, I'm exhausted. I feel like that is the catch phrase I hear from my homegirls, on repeat. It is also something that I am saying to them, on repeat (a b'tch is so fuxing tired, she goes to bed at the hair salon). It's not the tired associated with running marathons, but it is the tiredness associated with the external assaults, the draining requirements, the constant battles to be ourselves. All a #ubw wants to do is watch Amanda Seales' guide to fux-boys, chill with my homegirls, and curse a n*gga out from time-to-time (cursing n*ggas out from time to time IS a form of emotional rest - who knew!)

REFERENCES IN TODAYS EPISODE

1. Goddess Atete - Worthiness
2. Waiting to Exhale (on Prime)
3. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, Sacred Rest  Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity
4.  Alisha Acquaye,   Why Is Exhaustion So Normalized for Black Women?
5. Amanda Seales' Guide to Fux Boys

If you are an Uppity Black Woman, ready to say: I.Can't.Fux.With.You! Visit us at omuwaluxe.com to learn more about The Black Woman Liberation Formula. Sis, it is time to unpretzel and get yourself liberated.

Want to hear more: Subscribe to The Redefining Series, where we examine certain words, and reinterpret them for the Black Woman specifically. The new definitions encourage the Black Woman to think critically about her current state and the application of the newly defined word to her everyday life.
https://www.youtube.com/@omuwaluxe-theredefiningser8183

Sharing is caring. Like and follow us on Instagram @omuwaluxe

My therapist tells me that I take a great deal of deep breaths during our sessions. I know why - its exhausting  navigating the world as a card carrying member of the #ubw club. The people are out in full force, letting us know that misogynoir is here to stay, so my Sisters, be ready. From Amanda Seales, to whom so much disdain is pointed, to Marilyn Mosby, looking at potentially 40 years for some BullSh*t, to Angel Reese wearing rags in an empty room when introduced to the world as a member of the WNBA, to me, whose cultural mores still aim to hem me up, even when I no longer wear the title of "child" or the "exalted" wife. To say a b*tch is ti-red, does not capture it accurately. The through line of all of these is a Black Woman who lives in truth. Amanda says the things that Black folks playing "palatable" are not going to like - including the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, colorism, and fux-boys. Marilyn Mosby had the audacity to move forward with prosecuting the six police officers who killed Freddie Grey in 2015. The audacity of this #ubw to seek justice for a Black Man during the time period when it was free reign to kill us (we had a respite back in 2020/2021 - its back to free reign for anyone confused about our current time period). Angel Reese, dared claim she was a beast on the basketball court (she is), and when her team did not take the top spot and she felt that sting emotionally, she was punished, because of course, #ubw cannot display a range of feelings - ya'll not ready for it. Well, what is a #ubw to do - keep fuxing talking truth - despite the punishment.

REFERENCES IN TODAYS EPISODE

1. RH Guesthouse
2. Jumbie - Shadow of Masks
3. Y'all Salty When Amanda Seales Tells The Truth, But Never Mad at Katt Williams ... Hmmm
4. Timeline: What We Know About The Freddie Gray Arrest
5. Federal Jury Convicts Former Baltimore City State’s Attorney Marilyn Mosby
6. Katt Williams Scorches the Earth and Every Comedian on It
7. Fans Furious with treatment of Angel Reese during her introductory press conference
8. Gucci Mane - TAKEDAT (NO DIDDY) (Lyrics)

If you are an Uppity Black Woman, ready to say: I.Can't.Fux.With.You! Visit us at omuwaluxe.com to learn more about The Black Woman Liberation Formula. Sis, it is time to unpretzel and get yourself liberated.

Want to hear more: Subscribe to The Redefining Series, where we examine certain words, and reinterpret them for the Black Woman specifically. The new definitions encourage the Black Woman to think critically about her current state and the application of the newly defined word to her everyday life.
https://www.youtube.com/@omuwaluxe-theredefiningser8183

Sharing is caring. Like and follow us on Instagram @omuwaluxe