Ian’s scented candle addiction has reached elite status. IKEA might be coming to a Best Buy near you. And robotaxis are now outworking nearly every Uber driver.

Ian’s feeling ancient thanks to his friends this week. Flowers from Ozzy’s funeral will be mulched and scattered at his private grave site. The Ozzy and Sharon biopic is officially moving forward. One in three Colorado drivers admit to speeding regularly. And if you’re still using a friend’s HBO Max password—brace yourself for bad news.

China has unveiled robot wolves. Ian’s still catching up on TV from 2009. Heinz just dropped a ketchup smoothie. United’s having a rough time at DIA. The NFL has banned smelling salts. And someone called Colorado Springs police about bears in the sewers.

Adult Happy Meals are back. A Danish zoo wants your pets—to feed to lions. There’s breast milk flavored ice cream now. The OceanGate sub disaster? Totally preventable. And we might be getting an action-comedy remake of T.J. Hooker.

Ian can’t get enough of the new Naked Gun movie. Rumors are flying about a possible Metallica residency in Vegas. There’s a major change at DIA that could make security a whole lot easier. A camper had to be “rescued” after unleashing an aggressively loud Nickelback session. Could Beyoncé be gearing up for a full-on rock album? New numbers show Americans are more stressed than ever about grocery prices. One bizarre new Ozempic side effect? Some men are reportedly losing interest in, uh… solo activities. And an octopus got a little too interactive with a kid at the zoo.

A woman got slammed with massive medical bills after a bat landed on her face. And for some reason, Liam Neeson’s manhood is suddenly a hot topic.

Foo Fighters and Nine Inch Nails are swapping band members. Bed Bath & Beyond might be making a comeback. William Shatner is exploring ways to cheat death—just like Captain Kirk. And eating nothing but watermelon to lose weight can seriously mess with your muscles.

Deion Sanders has a new partnership with Depends. Pamela Anderson and Liam Neeson might be dating. And Ian has discovered the chimpanzee version of Tiger King.

The Buckingham Nicks album is finally getting a reissue. Tom Cruise showed up to an Oasis show in England—despite the band previously blasting him. The Fantastic Four popcorn bucket just broke world records. And Ian says quitting coffee is what actually helped him give up booze.