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By Neal and Judy Brower
The podcast currently has 49 episodes available.
In this episode, Judy describes the way that our human lives bump into each other. As a result, we are always doing and saying things that upset one another.
The words that offer a new perspective this week are simply, “of course.” Human beings upset each other. That’s just what we do. It’s true because we experience a full range of emotions and the ability to think and choose for ourselves, along with so very much diversity.
If we plan for the inevitability of upset, we won’t be surprised or caught off guard when it happens. Once we begin to see it as normal, we free ourselves from the instinct to fix or control whatever is causing it. We don’t need to be concerned about the feelings we are experiencing, because they are just an expected and real part of life.
From there we can relax, evaluate the circumstances that created the feelings, and decide how we want to deal with them. The only other option is to allow the upset feelings to dictate our response and rob us of our full presence in the moment at hand.
Judy also takes some time to wonder out loud with us about the effectiveness of this platform, for her personally and invites us to evaluate along with her. It’s a moment that could provide clarity, or create more questions. Either way, it pushes the door open a little bit wider for us to see what’s possible in our everyday lives, If We Matter.
Her declaration, “I’m in it for the freedom,” stands as an invitation to all of us. Her recent experiences of freedom are expressed with a desire to draw us into this journey with her.
What if you could become a person who is free to relate with life in a way that lines up with your convictions and removes that constant feeling of regret?
Would that motivate you to join The If We Matter Podcast family and practice new ways of seeing life?
Want to dialogue more? Join our Facebook group here.This question has been on my mind a lot lately and I think it’s connected to our fear. Acknowledging my own fear, and the broken ways of relating that have grown out of it creates a great foundation for change.
That’s because it humbles me and softens me toward myself. However, the impact will break down into more self-centered denial in the name of self-care, unless we choose to offer the same understanding to others. Self-centered self-care encourages us to get rid of anyone who doesn’t build us up. True self-care takes advantage of the negative that’s present in order to understand and care for our souls better. That’s what allows me to show up with others as the person I really want to be rather than letting my fear drive my interactions. This week's two words for a life-giving mindset are, “you too.” Once I connect my own broken ways of relating with people to the reality that I’m afraid, I can do the same for you. I am afraid so I judge, blame, and punish you. You too! Your broken ways are driven by your fear too! Do you know what that means?? It’s HUGE... We don’t have to take anything anyone does or says personally. It’s not about us... it’s about what’s going on inside of them. We can tell ourselves a more accurate story with words like these: “Of course you are behaving this way, you are afraid too. You’re afraid of your own limitations and your own failure; afraid I won’t accept you because you are not enough. Even when you try to do the right thing, so often it backfires. You might even be afraid to try again, or just tired of trying. I know these things are happening inside of you because you are a human being just like me. Your story is different, but you have a story. Your fears have grown out of different experiences than mine, but we both find ourselves driven by them, more often than not.” The difference In the way I relate with someone is huge depending on what I believe about them. Is this person just a bad human who wants to get it wrong? Do they want to hurt me or others? If so, and we are in relationship, I may need to let them know that they are actually destroying their own soul. If those words come from a place of genuine humility and compassion, there is a chance the person might actually hear me! On the other hand, If they are just a human being driven by fear, maybe compassion without words would be more helpful. I love the way God invites me to relate with people in this verse of the Bible. Admonish the unruly (those who are just being rebelliously mean and they know it) encourage the fainthearted, help the weak and BE PATIENT WITH ALL PEOPLE. Even when boundaries are needed, or hard truth has to be spoken, it can be given with a soft and dignifying spirit. It can be kind. You can treat the person the exact way YOU as a person would want to be treated in that moment. What I love most about that Is the way it nurtures my own souls at the same time as it offers life to the other persons. This week when you find yourself feeling offended, frustrated, or angry (in the little things)...Today’s episode is fueled by James Baldwin’s story I Am Not Your Negro, which highlights the role of fear in the story of our racism. He speaks powerfully undeniable and profound words straight into the heart of anyone who is willing to listen!
It got me thinking about fear. We may be living with more fear than most of us Americans are used to. Our American dream has kept us lost in a fantasy world that we are being forced out of. Maybe the issues facing us today are just highlighting fears that we have become good at avoiding.
The unavoidable reality is that fear drives much of what comes out of us, and it might be the reason we don’t like each other very much right now.
Today’s episode is an invitation to come out of denial and acknowledge that we are afraid. Fear is part of the human existence and needs to be dealt with consistently and honestly or it will quietly continue to wreck us.
The invitation:
“Not everything that is faced changes, but nothing changes until it is faced.”
- James Baldwin.
Let’s face our fear together!
See you in the Facebook group!
Want to dialogue more? Join our Facebook group here.
Today’s episode marks the beginning of a new series of episodes that will bring us to the end of year one of The If We Matter Podcast. For the next three months, our focus will be less on the issues that divide us, and more on the issues inside of us that have the potential to bring us together.
Life has gotten crazy around us, and I know I’m not the only one feeling afraid about what’s happening to our country. The two sides of our political system have become enemies and the idea of relating with each other from where we are is quickly fading. We are no longer just disagreeing with each others’ opinions, we are dismantling each other as people. It’s creating pain and confusion all around. Hate is filling up the pages of Facebook and it’s not staying in our social media accounts. It’s spilling over into our relationships, our families, and even into our inner worlds.
What’s possible from here? Is there a way that we can respond to this mess that will be transformational? I think so. I think transformation is always available to us from anywhere!
I think shifting our paradigms in a way that brings creative energy and fun into life is what we all need! The shifts available to us offer more for our all of our relationships; the best and the worst of them.
Today's paradigm shift is hidden in two little words, that don’t even need to be spoken to have an impact. Those words, “me too,” get to the heart of compassion. They require us to look for ourselves in the things we don’t like that are coming out of another person. These little words both dignify and unify us as humans.
It sounds like this, (in our mind, we are not saying these things out loud): You must have a lot going on inside of you, “me too.” “You are aggravated by something, I know what that’s like.” “Of course you are afraid, I am too.” “I don’t know what you are dealing with, but I know what life does to me.”
The moment we bring ourselves into the equation we begin to soften. As we contemplate the way life can or is working us (our wounds, stress, fears, frustrations, conflict, etc), of course, we get it. Some space is opening up inside of our hearts for this person we were ready to judge and condemn. Now instead of using their brokenness to make us feel better about ourselves, we are using it to equalize and dignify both of us. We are creating a little bit of oneness in our hearts with this person that we probably don’t like, or agree with.
The best place to start is with our closest relationships, and/or those who are the most removed. The first group we care deeply about. These are the people whose inner turmoil is something we must relate with in an up-close and personal way. We trust that they are good people and they care about us, but they get so defensive, annoying, frustrating, and difficult. So do we. We just have no idea what it feels like to be on the other side of our stuff. Try it this week. Pay attention to how it impacts you, and take advantage of any softness that rises up by leaning in with compassion and reminding yourself how much this person matters to you.
Your Facebook feed is a good place to practice too. Your relationship with the person you follow is probably from a distance, and those who comment are usually strangers. Instead of focusing on the things you hate that are coming out, let yourself see the fear behind it. Notice the fear their words bring up inside of you, to fuel what is already there. Now you can sit in the reality of “me too” for a moment and allow it to soften you and remind you that mean people hurt others out of their own hurt.
We are going to have to be in the mess that has been created by our polarized political environment, Covid19, and racism together for a while I’m guessing, and all relationships are messy. Instead of judging others for their imperfections and opinions, let’s choose compassion so that we can fight from a better place.
Let’s make The If We Matter Facebook group a place where we work together to make the paradigm shifts that will ease the relational tension in our relationships and teach us to live free from the tendency we all have to judge and divide.
There is so much potential, If We Matter…
Want to dialogue more? Join our Facebook group here.
Today’s episode is an interview with an ordinary person who happens to be a young mom with an amazing heart for people. Crystal was introduced to the If We Matter Podcast by someone she randomly met. When she reached out to me I knew immediately that I needed to know her, so why not make our conversation an episode? I think you will be intrigued by the similarities and differences in a way that might create new paradigms!
Want to dialogue more? Join our Facebook group here.
The podcast currently has 49 episodes available.