In this episode Judy dialogues with her 18-year-old granddaughter about her journey through high school, where she discovered the goodness of accepting people as they are. Kayla learned to honor everyone - even those whose lifestyle choices felt wrong to her. So can we. As you listen you will be captivated by the softness of her heart, the depth of her faith, and the beauty of deep friendships across dividing beliefs.

Just maybe you will find yourself wanting to immerse yourself in friendships with those on the other side of your religious, political, or social coin and experience some of the goodness

At a time when our world is so divided, would you consider changing the way you see and relate with your fellow humans? We are in this thing called life together. Let’s keep the dialogue going. We want to hear from you.

Resources

Smitten by Us, A manifesto for Jesus followers who are tired of alienating the world

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As Neal and Judy dialogue about several fights that happened between them during the week, they focus on the reality that it was impossible to resolve the argument simply because they both held a very different perspective on how and why it went down. When words that were spoken are remembered in a different order, their meaning changes. When our perspectives collide it feels like someone isn’t being honest, and we should be able to get to the bottom of the mess. But we can’t because no one is lying about what they remember hearing and feeling. That’s complicated people.

If it’s going to be messy, and we know it is, we better learn how to thrive in the mess. Neal and Judy offer two practices that make thriving possible in the midst of conflict.

They invite you to wonder with them, about what’s possible when we refuse to take things personally or believe our own assumptions.

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When is the last time you thought or said the words, “What a Jerk?” The fact that those words come out of our mouths is evidence that we matter to each other. When we don’t feel accepted, appreciated or noticed by our fellow humans it stings. When others don’t live up to our standards it agitates us.    Could it have that kind of impact on us if the other person didn’t matter in some way to our lives? Why else would I feel a need to judge or control someone’s impact?   When your ugly brings out mine, no one wins.   Imagine responding like this, “Oh no, one of my fellow humans is acting like a jerk right now. Something must be wrong.” Maybe compassion would rise up and draw beauty out instead. When that happens everyone wins.   This week’s practice is to change the way we see the ugly when it’s coming out of another and notice what happens.   Want to dialogue more? Join our Facebook group here.

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Ready to start transforming your relationships? Go to our website and check out the resources on my coaching page.

This episode is a conversation about respect in the context of dividing social and religious views. Today’s guest, Danny, is a new friend of Neal and Judy who happens to be gay, and therefore knows what it means to be ostracized and condemned by people just like them.

As they dialogue you can almost hear the healing that takes place on both sides of the coin. The episode is not about what we believe, but about how we see and relate with those whose beliefs stand against our own.

There is so much more potential for human relationships and influence when we keep our minds open to opposing beliefs, our hearts open to those who hold them, and choose to be fascinated by the journey.

Resources

Megan Phelps-Roper's Book | Unfollow: A Memoir of Loving and Leaving the Westboro Baptist Church

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This episode will rock the world of anyone who is willing to grapple with what happens when they see or hear something unacceptable. Differences can be dividing even when tolerance is practiced. Judy, Neal and Paul wonder about the greater freedom and possibilities connected with the choice to actually offer genuine acceptance to the human being in front of us. If we decide in advance to honor the journey we can offer ourselves and each other the opportunity to be where we are without judgment in the moment we feel a need to resist or change something. If life is an ongoing and messy process why not embrace right now and whoever if in this moment with us?

It’s not an easy choice, but it’s worth making ... if we matter!

 

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Ready to start transforming your relationships? Go to our website and check out the resources on my coaching page.

In this episode Neal, Judy and Paul dialogue about what it means to share humanity with the people around us. The research of Brené Brown confirms that we are hard-wired for connection. It’s part of what it means to be human, yet we often avoid it because of the vulnerability it requires. Knowing that we need human connection, most of the time we still settle for the safety of isolation, carefully managing the ways we relate in order to protect our hearts. Looking down at our phones, listening to our headphones and keeping our gaze in front of us as we walk, are all easy ways to avoid making connections.

Judy discusses the way her practice of making eye contact has proven to be more significant than she imagined it could be. The simple choice to embrace the goodness of shared humanity is mysteriously nurturing to her soul. That’s true even when others are not responsive. Yet it also seems to be true that when the door for connection is opened, most people are at least intrigued by the possibility of walking through.

This week's practice is simply to be aware that our shared humanity offers us ongoing opportunities for connection that are significant to our own well being and that of our world.

It is vulnerable... but worth the risk, “If We Matter...”

Resources

Brené Brown Videos

 

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Ready to start transforming your relationships? Go to our website and check out the resources on my coaching page.

In this episode, Judy, Neal and their neighborhood friend Paul, begin a dialogue about what it means to be human. As they wonder together, barely scratching the surface of this huge topic, they invite you to notice your own thoughts and wonderings.

As they discuss some of the complexity of the human existence, you may discover a renewed sense of the mystery and beauty in your own humanity. Simple things like breathing, perceiving, reasoning, choosing, dreaming, working and creating are things we do all day without even noticing. So much more than we can comprehend happens inside of our bodies, hearts, and minds in one fleeting second. People are more amazing than we can know, and mostly unaware of what we do know.

This week's practice is simply to notice the humanity in and around us, wonder about its implications, and notice how that impacts us.

It’s worth noticing, and discussing if we matter…

 

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Ready to start transforming your relationships? Go to our website and check out the resources on my coaching page.

In this episode, Judy and Neal invite you to get uncomfortably honest about the way we see people, and the way it blocks genuine dialogue and mutual relationship.

Diving to the heart of the If We Matter Podcast, they offer a way of seeing people that transforms our ability to have life-giving conversations and deep relationships even across dividing beliefs and in the midst of conflict. Clarity rises as we come to understand why we can’t get along. Hope rises as we consider the untapped potential waiting to be realized once we choose to embrace the inherent worth.

As they share examples, personal stories, and encounters with real people, you will undoubtedly become aware of your own tendency to judge what you see in others and defend what you see in yourself.

The challenge to notice our own response to people and consider the simple choice to offer respect will set the stage for the journey ahead.

So much is possible once we learn to hold every human in high regard, regardless of what we see in the moment.

Your choice to dialogue is critical to the significance of this journey. Join the If We Matter Podcast group on Facebook to learn with your fellow travelers!

 

Mentioned in this episode:
Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High
Kerry Patterson

 

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Any questions or comments? Email me directly here.

Ready to start transforming your relationships? Go to our website and check out the resources on my coaching page.

 

What if relationships that are made of conflict could become life-giving?

What if you could actually learn to enjoy the things that annoy you?

What if conversations you dread, people you despise, and dividing beliefs could become energizing, expanding and inspirational?

Judy and Neal Brower introduce the podcast “if we matter...” with questions inviting us to hope that even those things that feel impossible in human relationships can become our reality. Speaking from personal experience they propose that the beauty of shared humanity opens the door to un-imagined potential for relationships of every kind. As they invite you into their own, unexpected, journey, their genuine passion will undoubtedly ignite something deep inside of you.

So much more is possible, they say, but only “if WE matter...”

 

Want to dialogue more? Join our Facebook group here.

Any questions or comments? Email me directly here.

Ready to start transforming your relationships? Go to our website and check out the resources on my coaching page.