I'll Always Remember | Grief Stories

In this episode I talk to Rob Bonham, who tells me the story of his grandfather, Robert, and the relationship they developed throughout his life. Robert helped fill the role that Rob’s dad was unable to fill anymore after his health started going downhill. He tells about the bond that grew between them, and then what it was like when his grandpa’s health started failing him. Something that made his passing easier for Rob was the fact that so many people seemed to respect Robert and honor him, which has inspired Rob to want to adopt that same humble lifestyle of respecting others.

Funny story 2:08
About Rob’s grandpa, Robert 4:38
Connecting with grandpa 10:14
When he started getting sick 14:34
The last time they saw each other 19:19
Words of wisdom 26:37

“I remember the funeral and it being very somber, yet seeing my grandfather’s golf buddies and people he had worked with come out, and I had never met them before. I didn’t know who these people were, they didn’t owe anything to our family to be out there, but that was just the kind of guy my grandpa was. People like him. He was a very likeable guy and he left a good impact on people.” 21:00

Today I interviewed Gary Laderman, an Associate Professor of American Religious History and Culture at Emory University and the author of The Sacred Remains: American Attitudes Toward Death, 1799-1883. We talk about the funeral industry, how it works, and how it’s been evolving over time. Death is very prominent in our modern culture and people are becoming more and more interested in this final stage of life, especially with the recent pandemic that we all have fought through. Gary shares his wisdom on the different aspects of death and how we can approach it, becoming a little more comfortable talking about it.

Cremation jewelry 4:52
Traditional embalming vs. other types of body disposal 9:22
Talking about death and finding it in culture 16:30
Approaching grief 17:12
Unique ways of mourning 24:40
Cherished Emblems 32:30

“Grief of course is there, but it’s not really prominent so much, and I think for me that has to do with it being a field being so dominated by psychology and my own kind of mindset and approach, being more historical and cultural and social, which are relevant in terms of grief. Again I think some of it’s going to depend on your mindset going in.” 18:21

In this episode I talk with Ryann, a nurse who has experienced a lot in the medical field and shares some wisdom concerning death. Death is often seen as this big scary thing that no one wants to talk about or face, but the peace people experience in their final moments is far greater than most people may believe and talking about it is something we should all get more comfortable with. Ryan tells about the different situations in which people or families feel more or less peace and why so many people struggle with those final moments.

Letting people die peacefully/do not resuscitate 10:13
Ryann’s grandpa and life support 17:21
What the energy is like during a traumatic death 20:07
If you’re starting out in the medical field 24:12
Talking about death more 28:45

“Our culture does a great job of sensationalizing death. I think they make it seem like it’s going to be this grand finale of pain and that you’re going to struggle, and it’s going to be horrible. And that’s not really the case that I’ve seen in a lot of patients that I’ve taken care of. Even if they’re having some kind of traumatic events leading up until the moment that they die, when they die it’s very peaceful.” 14:39

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Today I talk to Lyndsey Vansickle about going through a miscarriage and dealing with depression. She tells about what she has experienced and why it’s so hard for someone to go through, and then how she was able to use writing as a means to express herself and cope with the intense grief she experienced. Many struggle today with the pressures of society or their own community and when they don’t live up to the community standards, the weight of not measuring up can really weigh down on a person. Learning to accept yourself for who you are and be OK with being you is one of the most important things you can do to be happy.

About Lyndsey and dealing with mental health 1:00
The importance of writing out your grief 12:29
Experiencing different kinds of grief and not realizing it 19:18
Processing grief 27:42
Get your own copy of the black book 29:26

“Let yourself feel what you wanted it to be and what you thought it would be. A big one is with divorce. I have quite a few friends, it’s like, ‘Of course you had your ideas of things. How it would be, what you were hoping.’ and I think it’s such a great thing to let yourself feel all of that. That’s a huge form of grief that’s just as real as any other grief to a lot of people.” 23:04

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On our last episode which was part 1 of Paul and Mel's story, we talked about how his father Mel grew up, the 2 marriages he had prior to him marrying Paul's mom, and what it was like for Paul to spend his childhood growing up with an irrational dad until his parents divorced when he was just becoming a teenager.

In Part 2 we will talk about what it was like for Paul as an adult and experiencing his reconnection with his dad as Mel's health and mental state continued to decline. Paul shares some rather unique ideas his dad had up to the time that he passed. Paul also reflects on what he felt when his dad ultimately did pass on.

Mel’s mental status declines 9:40
His unique beliefs 14:34
Mel’s enemies 20:31
Getting closer to Paul 29:52
Connecting 36:34
Losing control in his life 49:08
Reaching the end of his life 53:25
Mel’s humorous side 67:09
Forgiving Mel 73:58

“When I came to understand him as a person that was doing the best that he could with the hand of cards that he’d been dealt, a lot changed. I still feel like that brings up a lot of emotion for me, but I think that any of us could take an outside view of any other person and judge them for their failures and try to hold their feet to the fire for all the mistakes they have made, which is not a very charitable interpretation, and I don’t think it helps our hearts to heal from whatever was hard.” 57:37

I talked to my uncle today and he told me the story of his father who passed not too long ago and the confusing relationship they shared. It’s a story much like the prodigal son but kind of in reverse where the dad leaves the family due to many contributing factors which we will get into that were frustrating, outlandish, and sometimes silly but caused his son and family or I should say families to believe that he was a bad man. Once the son decided to really learn about his dad as he became more frail and had lost his mental clarity, the understanding and compassion truly became the light that finally began to shine in the darkness that was their disjointed relationship.

Who was Mel? 1:53
Mel meeting his 3rd wife, Paul’s mom 12:07
Mel’s irrational mind 19:27
The disconnect that frustrated Mel his entire life 30:23
Paul’s patient mom 35:43

“Around this time he fell in love with the pastor’s wife in this bible study stuff in the seminary, and they kind of ran off together, each leaving their previous marriages. So you can add a bit of scandal to what this early part of his life had in it. The people left behind, you know, his children, I’m sure grew up feeling very abandoned by their dad.” 9:59

Today I meet with Elizabeth, a mother of two girls and a recent widow who was married to Manny, who died of cancer. When he was originally diagnosed, nothing seemed severe or too serious, but over time and after they had removed the cancer, they found more that had spread throughout his chest. She shares the touching moments that she and her daughters experienced in the final moments of his life and following his passing.

Going to see him before he passed 7:57
Manny’s last words to his spiritual counselor 14:56
How they met 15:38
Having dreams of Manny 22:16

“The last thing he told me before I walked out of the room, he said, ‘Thank you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Thank you for never leaving my side. Always remember that I love you. You and the girls mean the world to me. I love you guys. Thank you for everything.” 9:28

In this episode I meet with Peter from Pennsylvania who tells me the story about his dog, Rocco, a Rottweiler with whom he developed a strong bond. They became best friends, but just at 3 years old, Rocco fell ill and they were unable to save him. Peter tells the touching story of their bond, how it developed, and how he has dealt with losing his pal. He discovered cherished emblems, which gave him the opportunity to always remember and keep his buddy with him always.

How he came to get Rocco 2:31
Finding Rocco 5:59
Taking classes with Rocco 16:23
Getting a big splinter and falling ill 18:15
Finding Cherished Emblems 30:24
Dealing with grief 40:39

“I had no idea how it was gonna be with me being present in the procedure, but I wanted to be there. And it was just the saddest thing, especially when I saw him take his last breath. And then I went home with the leash and collar. Alone. And that’s when I felt like I made a mistake.” 25:39

In this episode I have the opportunity to interview the amazingly talented and humble former Disney animator, Gary Andrews. His wife, Joy, tragically died in 2017 from Sepsis. They had been married for about 19 years and had 2 children. Since her death, Gary has been documenting his family’s grief through cartoon sketches, which have gained a lot of attention on social media. Gary constantly has a smile on and the true understanding that he has in the grief process doesn’t always have to be sad, but can have a lot of joy as well.

About Gary and his background 2:08
About his wife, Joy 7:26
Her legacy 12:13
Choosing to be positive and see the good 16:25
How their children have handled things 24:37
Life carries on 30:33
Dealing with pain 40:23

“You’re tempted to go, ‘Well thanks a lot. Thanks, Universe. You’ve had this, and then you’ve taken it away.’ but I then look back and I go, ‘But look what I had.’ Some people could have a lifetime and not be as lucky as I was in those 19 years. 19 years of that happiness, very few of us get that.” 15:47

Today I talk to Jesse Angeles, who tells me about his good friend he had in high school named Natalie who tragically passed away. She was a seemingly normal girl who got along with everybody and you’d never expect her to be struggling in such a way, but when she passed, Jesse and many of her loved ones realized things weren’t as they seemed. She became reclusive and withdrawn for a little while before her death and actually was struggling a lot, which no one knew about until she had died.

About Natalie and their friendship 1:57
The time she started to change 6:45
Realizing things weren’t right 10:12
Her fight with drugs 14:00

“What would she have done today? What would she be around? How many children would she have? Who else would she impact? Because if you think about it, as a young child when she was able to unite people so quickly, what would she have done as an adult?” 20:25